Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and a new season is starting. Finally, I thought that nearly year long hiatus was going to destroy Equestria. Well I am in a good mood since we are back so I shall give you my synopsis of "The Cutie Map, Part 1." Don't worry, I'll do the second one too.

Another new day has arrived in Ponyville and it looks like my Twily and her friends are starting a new day, not to mention breaking in the throne room. Kind of funny that Twily's new sleeping chambers got broke in before what many will consider the primary part of the castle. Remember how sexy her squeals sounded bouncing off the walls of that study tower, they sound even sexier in her chambers.

If I am going to give you an accurate account of what happened I better do the old invisibility and teleport spell. I arrive and something strange is happening, as they sit down the cutie marks on their thrones begin to glow and wow, so are their cutie marks. I can't wait for Twily to sit down but first she must go on and on about wondering why she got the castle and thinking that they shouldn't be sitting in Ponyville. With the others that wouldn't be so bad but she would be much better off laying in my bed giving me the love I need.

Now for the moment I've been waiting for, she sits in her throne and her already sexy ass begins to glow too. Woo-hoo! Just imagine if she were sopping wet and her ass glowed, that would be even better! Alright, enough about me thinking what would make Twily hotter but suddenly this map thing appears on their table. What kind of dark magic is this? Whatever it is I have a bad feeling that it will take my three lovelies away from me at times and unfortunately, I would be proven right.

Now their marks, well replicas of them, have flown off their flanks and are circling some place out in such a remote corner of Equestria that I've never even been there. I was hoping that Twilight would just attribute this to it just being a dumb map but now she thinks they should go out to this place. Yeah, yeah, yeah I get it. Everything is connected so you just have to go out and see what is up with this place. Now one of them is showing some smarts. Fluttershy may be acting like she is scared to go but she secretly wants to stay because she is expecting me to visit her tonight. After some persuasion they talk her into going and now I am a very unhappy princess. My lovely pegasus will be gone, Twinkleshine has the cutie pox and has been quarantined, Lemon Hearts has a bad cold and I'm terrified of Colgate for reasons which I will discuss later. Sadly I will just have to hoof myself tonight.

As they head off on the train I decided to teleport myself home because I am hungry and the cake is usually the freshest at this time of day. Now I'm watching from my balcony and what I wonder is why is there train service to the absolute middle of nowhere, what a waste of Equestrian tax money. What is worse is that the train just stops at this gorge and then goes in reverse. I am seriously wondering about that map thing. Maybe it's sole purpose is to deny yours Truly of what she needs to make it through the day without completely losing it.

Now they decide to cross some bridge that eventually leads into a small town. Regarding this town, why does it exist? There is no water anywhere near it nor is there anywhere to grow food either. Is this a race of ponies that don't need food or water. If they are that would be another new thing I would learn and I would feel sorry for them as they would never know the joy of eating a cake fresh from the oven, fresh fritters, freshly processed cider or lavender icing.

Ok, this is weird. All these ponies have the same cutie mark, the same ugly cutie marks. Equal signs, seriously? I was really hoping that they just painted them on because it would really suck to have such a lame mark. I would rather tear the skin off of my flank than be cursed with something that ugly. To make matters worse, these ponies all have the fakest of smiles, smiles that seem forced. Perhaps living where they do has driven them beyond the point of insanity and they don't know any better.

Their first interaction is with a couple of weird stallions who seem obsessed with my girls and their unique cutie marks. Shit, if they try to cut them off and sew them on themselves I'm heading out there and putting a stop to that problem. Them being stallions is bad enough but now they are going to lead them to this leader of theirs named Starlight. I tell you, Starlight better be a mare or else! I do not like the idea of a lowly stallion ruling over any mares, regardless of whether they are hot like Twily or ugly like Upper Crust.

Shit, they are going into this Starlight's house and for some reason, I can't teleport myself there. It is almost as if that place has some sort of dark magic to it, let me see if Luna can do it so I need to head up stairs and wake her.

"Little sister, I need to ask you of a favor."

"Big sister, can't thou see that we are sleeping. Thou knows that we need our sleep if we are to be alert tonight."

"Twilight might be in trouble! I need you to teleport out to some creepy place in the middle of nowhere."

"Fine but just know that thou shall be woken up at night sometime."

Luna joined me on the balcony and she too can see what is going on but much to my dismay, she can't teleport there either.

"Big sister, thou woke us up for this? We can't teleport there either. Now if thou will excuse us, we shall return to our daily slumber."

"Fine, I'll have to find another way to do this synopsis."

Well Luna stormed back to her sleeping chambers and I am left here to worry about my Twily and what could happen to her alone. Well a couple minutes pass and she and her friends come out unharmed so that is good. Now hopefully Twilight will decide that nothing is wrong and get going but now this Starlight pony has decided to burst into song so they will understand their town better. Damn her hide anyway, if she would just let them go they might get home in time to give me what I need.

This song, it isn't quite as bland as the others and actually has a good beat to it, such a good beat that my Fluttershy is taking a liking to it. Unfortunately for me though, it seems like this Starlight pony is taking a liking to my Fluttershy too. She better not if she knows what is good for her. I honestly think I need to put a brand on everypony that must give me what I want, when I want. It could read "Property of Princess Celestia, most powerful being in existence." That would keep ponies such as this one from hitting on one of my girls.

Ok the song is over and it looks like they're getting ready to leave, yay! Wait a minute, now they're going to have some muffins. Ugh, why can't they just get their asses home? I'm getting needy and I want lavender icing. Like I said earlier, Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts are ill and I'm terrified of Colgate and her "unconventional" desires in the bedroom.

I have just now noticed something, it seems like all these ponies in this town are dull colored, almost like they are partially gray, except for Starlight Glimmer. I don't know what is up with that but I have a feeling that those six need to get going before they go gray too, and somehow manage to get those ugly equal sign cutie marks.

Back to the muffins, well once this Sugar Belle pony brings them out to them they wind up being disgusting, so disgusting that even Pinkie didn't like them and you know if Pinkie doesn't like some baked good, then it is obviously bad. I just hope they don't get sick like everypony did with the baked bads incident or my girls and their friends may fall victim to this virus or whatever it is out there that is altering those ponies.

Now they are done eating their muffins, well I should say Pinkie is done eating all of them and she has a green face. Shit, just like it was with the baked bads incident. Oh well, I'm sure I can find another overly joyous pony to take her place. Besides, the elements are back in the tree now so I doubt the fact that she is an element bearer will even matter anymore. As long as Twily, Fluttershy and Rarity get home, I'll be happy.

Well shit, they have gone inside again so I'm going to try to do the invisibility and teleport spell but once again, it fails. Well this sucks, once again I can't tell what is going on and I'm not even going to try and ask Luna because she was pissed off enough about being woken up once. If I do it again she'll likely be a total bitch for the next week. Well I'll just have to hope that they come out of this house unharmed. Luckily for me, they do come out unharmed but now this Starlight pony that I don't trust is leading them up to a cave. Luckily for me, the opening of that cave faces Canterlot so I will be able to see what happens.

As they are being led up there, I order some cake because hey, you know how I am if I don't get cake every so often. I get as bad as Luna does when she is either sleep deprived or is fritter deprived. Alright, back to what is going on. They were led into this cave and I see something weird. What the hell is in that thing? Holy shit, there are cutie marks in there! How in Equestria did they get in there and what the hell is that piece of wood? Why is it that I suddenly have a bad feeling about what is going to happen. I can't teleport out there and even if I could, I would miss out on my cake so I have no choice but to remain here and watch from afar.

I am watching things unfold and this Starlight pony now is wondering how they even knew about this vault as she calls it. Well shit, apparently Sugar Belle must have told them about it and now something bad is about to happen. Oh no, it is a trap and something very bad is happening. Starlight is using this piece of wood, the Staff of Sameness, to remove their cutie marks. I know it ain't the staff that is taking cutie marks because I know enough about Meadowbrook to know that she didn't have any freaky staffs with that kind of dark magic. It has to be Starlight doing this!

Great, just great. Now my girls' cutie marks are locked in this vault thing, they have equal sign cutie marks and they have turned a bit gray. I have a bad feeling that Starlight is going to do something very bad to them. I'm not sure what but I do have this terrible feeling that they won't be coming home anytime soon. I guess I better either get used to hoofing myself.....wait a minute, I'll just force Fleur de Lis to pay homage to me until they get home. I don't care what Fancy Pants thinks, Fleur de Lis is MY PROPERTY and I'll do with her what I wish.

Just hang around you serfs, I'm going to wait on getting Fleur de Lis because I have to continue monitoring this. Knowing my girls, I'm sure Twily will find a way out of this mess. I would go and take care of this problem but I can't teleport and even if I could, what if Starlight took my cutie mark too?