Hi everypony, it is your magnificent and glorious supreme dictator again! You have all been extra good so I will share with you how I saw the episode "Lesson Zero."

For starters, I must say that I was disappointed last time I saw Twilight and her friends. After that fancy celebration I gave them along with a new stained glass window glorifying their most recent victory, they head off home without even saying goodbye, how inconsiderate. Twinkleshine is ill so I guess I'll just have to hoof myself, for now anyway.

Oh how I love to see my little Twily planning her new day. She is the only pony I have ever seen make a long list like she does. I remember back in the day when she lived up here with me and she'd make lists like that. It would read, "Boring event, make Celestia happy, boring event, meet Celestia in her sleeping chambers, boring event, share lunch with Celestia in my tower......" well you get the idea. Ok, about her list. I have seen what is on it and it must really suck to be her, not a single fun activity on there and there certainly isn't "leave Spike home and go have fun with Celestia" on it. What a shame.

So I'm spying on her with my telescope as she starts to do everything on her list and I can't help but yawn, "Boring!" I was thinking of stirring up some trouble like I did shortly after she moved down there but something in the back of my mind was telling me not to intervene, to let her screw something up on her own. Now like always, when she went into the sweets shop I had to cast an invisibility spell and teleport myself down there and I was appalled by what I saw. Mrs. Cake was being generous by giving her an extra cupcake and those things had plenty of icing on them. What does Twilight do, she bitches and complains "Oh I'm having a party and I don't want somepony else to feel like they're getting extra icing." For starters, she has 13 cupcakes so somepony is going to get an extra cupcake unless she feeds it to her scroll hacking pet. Second, nopony is going to care that one of them has more icing on it than the others. The only thing that matters to me is that I get Twily's icing after this episode!

Well then she decides to just start removing it. If I were Mrs. Cake I would have been insulted. I would have thrown her out and banned her from ever coming in, but she just takes it in stride. Well now my hot little student leaves and heads home, with almost every item checked off. Everything except for "Triple-check the checklist to make sure that we didn't miss anything when we double-checked the checklist." I swear, if she put as much work into keeping me happy as she does her damn checklists, maybe I wouldn't have to lock Twinkleshine in my bedroom every weekend.

Now the fun part comes, Spike mentions them not having to report anything to me. Well this naturally causes Twilight to panic and frantically search for her calendar. She is so adorable when she goes into panic mode like this. As it turns out it has been a week since she last wrote me and if she fails to send me something by sundown, she'll be tardy! And you know what the punishment is for being tardy is don't you? I'll let you in on a secret, it is me tying her up and letting Twinkleshine have fun with her without me. So far she hasn't had to endure that punishment but you never know, tonight could be the night Twinkleshine's dreams come true, having Twilight all to herself!

Ok, so now Twilight thinks I'm going to send her to magic kindergarten if she is tardy. Now why would she think such a thing, you know how awful I would look if it were discovered I had a kindergartner, regardless of her age, as my sex slave! It would make me look awful and everypony would demand I hand full power over to my sister, which I'm sure she would gladly take.

Once her drama queen moment is over she asks Spike if he has any problems that "She as a good friend" could help? For Faust's sake Twilight, you live with him! If he had any problems I'm sure you'd already know about them. Well Spike says no and now my little Twily is headed out to cause herself undue stress. Remember how at the end I let Twilight know that Spike sent me a message stating that she had started to freak out? Well he did that the minute she left but I decided rather than simply go and help her out then, that I would watch her descend into madness without her knowing it. After all, I love seeing her get all riled up. This will just give me an excuse to stay the night down there with her if she can't get things sorted out before sundown.

Ok, I'm glad I did that little teleport and invisibility spell because I couldn't see what was about to happen. Rarity is screaming for one reason or another, perhaps because she is frustrated because Fluttershy calls out my name when they get it on, who knows? Twilight gets in there to find that Rarity has lost some fancy ribbon she uses on her slutty outfits. Big deal! Now Twilight tries to comfort her and asks her what is wrong. I notice that Twilight sure puts a lot of emphasis on "That I as a good friend" can help you with. Hey Twily, they already know you're a good friend, I don't think you have to do that!

Well after Twily finds her ribbon and measuring tape my beloved pupil heads over to Sweet Apple Acres to stir up some trouble. She sees Rainbow Dash destroying a barn and immediately thinks she has serious issues with Applejack. If anypony has serious issues, it is me. I am having serious issues with her not coming to see me enough and having to please myself. After grabbing Rainbow with her aura and trying to act like a "I'm hot shit" counselor, she discovers that Rainbow was merely helping Applejack tear down an old barn so she can put up a new one. Boring! Well I wasted my time watching this.

Now I see my little Twily heading over to Fluttershy's. What? She is going to see Fluttershy but didn't invite me first? HOW DARE SHE! Oh she's in for it now. Alright, enough of my rant. Here Twilight thinks it will be oh so easy to fix one of Fluttershy's problems over her fear of everything, well everything except manticores and my bedroom anyway. Twilight notices what is going on and thinks Fluttershy has suddenly stopped being such a chickenshit. If she knew Fluttershy as well as she claims she does, she would know that she is the local animal doctor and they come to her to fix their problems. Yeah the bear looks ferocious, but even I knew she was going to fix it's back, and I don't even live there!

So far Twilight has been unsuccessful in finding any problems her friends have. If she would have had her bearings straight, she would have went over and helped the cakes resolve the class action lawsuit filed against them over the baked bads incident. Rather than making herself useful, she decides to go into self-pity mode and start fearing little fillies as she became more paranoid over me sending her to magic kindergarten. Good thing is, her mane and tail are starting to get a little messy, reminds me of how she would look after our quickies in the Starswirl the Bearded wing after lunch.

A lot of times Spike can be a little ass but throughout this episode, he is the voice of reason. He arrives to find Twilight talking to her reflection in a mud puddle. I'm really starting to enjoy this. I guess even the best students can go a bit haywire when they aren't under their sexy teacher's supervision all the time. Ok, back to Spike. Spike shows up with the cupcakes and suggests she sees her friends. Way to go Spike, pound some reason into her head!

I know how she is when she is stressed but I would think going to see her friends would calm her down, well it doesn't. By the time she gets there her mane and tail are so messed up you'd think her and I locked ourselves in the library and got hot and heavy all weekend long. Alright, I know I need to calm down but seeing her like that brings back so many sexy memories, memories that have suddenly made me wet! What if I were to be detected by smell alone? Alright, while they're yapping I'm headed to the lake to wash off.

It must have been a rather short talk as when I returned I see that she is gone and Rarity is calling her a drama queen. Excuse me? Yeah she threw a fit but nopony calls my Twily a drama queen except me. If I weren't down here trying to keep my presence hidden, I would have smacked her, hogtied her and let Spike have his way with her, which is something I know she would not like!

Here I am prowling around trying to hide and before too long out of the library comes my little Twily with her smarty pants doll. What is she going to do, cast a come to life spell on it and solve it's friendship problem? If she does that I'll really punish her. If she does that I WILL put her back in magic kindergarten and make her go back to living with her parents! That will teach her to try and cheat.

Luckily for her my suspicions were proven to be incorrect but what she is about to do is just as bad if not worse. She is going to try to make the Cutie Mark Crusaders fight over her, then come in and tell them why they shouldn't fight over it and get out of me letting Twinkleshine punish her. Unfortunately that plan fails. I don't blame those three. Why would they want an old stuffed toy that is falling apart but what happens next is funny. They fight over who should play with it because they don't want to! This is too rich. She should have just stepped in, asked "Girls, what seems to be the problem here? Is there anything that I AS A GOOD FRIEND can help you with?"

Now she decides to be a big shot and cast the want it, need it spell on that doll. Good grief, if she is going to cast that spell on anything she needs to go up to my sleeping chambers when I am home, cast it on herself and sexy times would ensue! Wait, she wouldn't have to do that but it would make it all the more fun. Well now those girls genuinely want the doll but guess what, soon the whole damn town wants it! And I mean everypony wants it, everypony from Big Mac, the mane dying dingbat mayor and the rest.

Soon I would discover why it is that Big Mac likely has no marefriend, somepony steals the doll from him and every mare that was surrounding him gets blasted off of him in his determination to get that thing back. He is too big and strong for the mares here, not big enough and injury prone when it comes to me and unfortunately, my sister prefers her solitude and likes her personal space. Maybe I can find some mare out there that can handle him.

Well enough about finding Big Mac a mare, now a stampede is thundering through town, luckily it didn't do any damage but once the sun sets and my poor little Twily looks like she could really use some comforting I decide to let my presence be known. I reversed the want it need it spell and suddenly nopony wants that torn up old doll....except one. Now why would Big Mac want that thing? Perhaps he knocked Cheerilee up and she's expecting and that will be the foal's first toy. Who knows, I can't trouble myself with that, I have a student that must be punished!

A broken and devastated Twily heads towards the library to meet me but before we could start having any fun her damn friends just had to show up. To be honest I never had any plans to punish Twilight, well badly anyway, I felt like punishing THEM for keeping me out of Twily's coat. Ok, I get it. You don't want me to punish Twilight in the way she has made you think I will. Tell you girls what, write me friendship lessons when you learn something and I won't take Twilight back to Canterlot and make her my full time sex slave. There, happy?

Kudos to Spike for informing me of what was going on. I had a good time sneaking around Ponyville watching the oh so sexy Twily driving herself batshit crazy but hey, I have to go. I'm expecting some mail and I better get that letter pronto or it won't just be Twilight that I take away from them, FLUTTERSHY will become my slave too!

Now be gone with you serfs, Twinkleshine is feeling all better so your Sun Goddess has a sexy night ahead of her!