Hello everypony, this is your Supreme Dictator Celestia and I want to share something with you. Remember the first two episodes of MLP: FIM? The beginning of the best show in history? Well I am about to tell you how things really happened!

**************************************Finding a Way to Get Twilight Out of Town***************************************

Alright, well let's get past all the beginning narrative because we had nothing to do with that. We will get right to Twilight's first interaction. Of course as we all know Twilight is a great student, a bit OCD though, is seen walking towards the tower that I so generously gave her to study in. She runs into three of my lesser students, Lemon Hearts, Twinkleshine and Colgate. Well they ask her if she wants to go to a get together they are having with Moondancer. I was hoping she would say yes but oh no, she just can't go socialize, she has to get back up to her tower and find yet another reason to annoy me, dumb bitch anyway. What is even worse is that Yours Truly bought a gift for her to give to Moondancer. Well I deliver it to Spike thinking she would at least take a minute to go and socialize but she just had to knock that dragon of her's flying when she opened the door. What happens? The present gets stuck on Spike's tail and gets ruined. I spent 5 bits on that fucking thing, FIVE BITS! I should send a bill to her parents and threaten them with torture if they don't reimburse me.

Alright, next she decides to start digging through all these dusty old books trying to find information on an old mare's tale I told her about. She finds it and has Spike send me a message regarding her concerns regarding Nightmare Moon's return. What she told Spike to write during the show was not what she really had Spike write. Here is what she really wrote, "Celestia my master, I have been looking in a book and it says that the stars will aid in Nightmare Moon's escape and she will cast Equestria in eternal darkness. We have to do something! Love your little ho, Twilight Sparkle"

When I received this letter I couldn't help but laugh so hard I fell over. Well no shit Sherlock, I've known about this from the day I banished her, I just let everypony think she was banished permanently. I knew that something had to be done and luckily it would get her out of town, at least for a little bit. After all, Twinkleshine has been giving me bedroom eyes so I want to see how she is in bed. I decided to have her go supervise the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. Little did she know that I already had things set in motion that would make her pathetic life miserable down there.

*************************************Preparing for the Summer Sun Celebration***************************************

Alright, I watched Twilight and Spike depart for Ponyville. Thing is, I was going to make sure that she actually did her job. Sorry Twinkleshine, but I have to make sure that Twilight doesn't fuck things up or ignore her orders. After all, she was rather pissy over me sending her to do this. So what I did was cast an invisibility spell on myself and I flew by the chariot taking her down there. I saw her reaction and heard her whine when I told her in the letter to make some friends. I was not about to let her just go and hide out in the library.

When she landed she first ran into Pinkie Pie. I couldn't help but chuckle a little bit when she darted off to plan a party in the library to welcome her. One thing nopony except those who would become her friends know is that I flew down there a few days before and met with those who would accompany Twilight to my old castle. I knew they would be involved in the preparations and told them to be as nice as possible to a bitchy purple unicorn I was sending down there. While Applejack seemed reluctant at first, I reminded her that I was her overlord and could blow her to bits if I wanted to. That got her to agree in a hurry.

Speaking of Applejack, she was the first pony after Pinkie that Twilight would encounter. I stood there watching their interaction and while Applejack seemed truly happy to see her, I read her true thoughts. She was thinking, "So this is the bitchy purple unicorn Celestia has cursed upon me. Ok AJ, just be polite, try not to kill her and everything will be fine."

I absolutely loved the reaction the Apple Family had over her not wanting to stay to eat, especially the sweet innocent Apple Bloom asking her if she would stay for brunch or lunch, I couldn't make out what she said entirely. How could anypony say no to an adorable little filly like that. No wonder Twilight has the reputation of being my bitchiest student. The way she said "fine" would have pissed most ponies off but the Apple Family and their desire to feed everypony kept them from beating the shit out of her like she deserved.

I was watching her walk away from the farm and the way her gut was hanging down made me so hot. Had it not been broad daylight I would have pounced on her and made sweet love to her. Too bad I couldn't shoot sperm out of my horn so I could knock her up. She would look so hot being pregnant.

Next Spike mentions something about Rainbow Dash and how she was supposed to be keeping the skies clear. Well Twilight's reaction when she was looking around was quite funny. Her comment regarding the skies not being clear and Rainbow not doing a very good job was snide but true. But what was really funny when RD crashed into her, causing her to fall in a puddle and get wet. That got me so hot and bothered! She always was hot when she got wet like that, which is why I always forced her to shower with me, well once she matured into a mare. No way would I have done that when she was a filly.

Then of course Rainbow went on how she needed to practice for the Wonderbolts before she would clear the sky. This made me laugh. Rainbow has no clue that after I initially met her I told Spitfire to deny her entry to them. Who wants to watch a narcissistic, rainbow maned pony in an air show anyway. I would rather give Discord pegasus wings and have him fly with them. Alright, back to Twilight meeting with her. Rainbow takes a cloud and dumps rain on her, making her even hotter than before. I should have reversed the invisibility spell and pounced on her. Hell, I could have dragged Rainbow in with us and had a threesome for the whole town to see, but I resisted. I can't have my subjects knowing I am a nympho, that might cause a rebellion. Then Rainbow turned me off to Twilight completely when she fucked her mane and tail up. Ugh, gag me. I don't know if I'll ever get that grotesque image out of my mind. Thanks a lot Rainbow, now I have to find a new ho.

Oh boy next up is Rarity. I was bored by Twilight's initial reaction, simply saying the decor was beautiful. It was Spike's reaction that made me laugh. From the very first second he saw Rarity he wanted to bang her and the results of that could have been downright scary. Dragon/Unicorn hybrids? Those are things I would have had to banish to the moon just so they wouldn't scare anypony and besides, I doubt she would want a dragon. Hell, the little bitch shot me down when I came to tell her about Twilight coming so I cast a spell on Spike to where he would never leave her alone, to where he would always be horny as hell around her and just to spite him, I cast a spell on her to where she would always just see him as a cute child, nothing more.

I was laughing to myself when Rarity was putting Twilight in all those different outfits and fixing her mane and tail differently. Good thing she got rid of that hideous look Twilight had going otherwise everypony would have ran like hell from her. Bad thing, I'll still have that horrible image of Twilight looking like she did after Rainbow screwed her up. Oh well, I am hoping to seduce Twinkleshine and if she shoots me down there are plenty of other mares in my school that are hot to trot.

Finally she runs into Fluttershy to check on the music. While everypony watching thought she was simply timid, she was just scared that Twilight would scream and yell at her for having a beautiful mane and tail. I found it quite humorous though when Fluttershy got all excited over Spike. Leave it to her to get excited over a baby dragon. Nopony else would have even cared. The scowl on Twilight's face when she was being followed by Fluttershy on the way to the library was a repulsive sight to see. If I could have smacked her and got away with it, I would have. The more she interacted with those five, the more of a bitch she became. While I wanted to just snatch Fluttershy and take her home with me right then and there, I decided to let her keep her virginity for a while longer. After all, the Gala wasn't too far away!

Finally Twilight gets into the library where it is dark. While everypony thinks Pinkie is the one who set it up, she wasn't, I was. I just made everypony think she did. What amazes me is that Twilight got mad over the party because libraries are supposed to be quiet. She must have forgotten about all the trysts we had in the library in Canterlot. She sure didn't mind being noisy there with all those deafening squeals and moans of her's. Now when it comes to Pinkie being quiet in a library I can understand. All she does is yap, yap, yap. She is worse than those stupid miniature dogs that some mares keep in their saddlebags and we all know how annoying those little fuckers are.

For most of the party Twilight was up in what would become her bedroom pouting about how she couldn't do any research on the Elements of Harmony because she had to make friends. Finally a bit after four in the morning Spike comes and forces her to get her sorry ass over to the town hall for me to raise the sun. Now this is really funny. Remember how Twilight thought the stars freed my sister and she showed up instead of me when it was time for sunrise, well this was a little plan my sister and I concocted. The stars didn't free her, I did.

A couple of weeks before the Summer Sun Celebration, I decided to visit Nightmare Moon and I told her of what I wanted to do to see how everypony would react and asked for her assistance. Well she said she would but under one condition, that upon being defeated by the elements, that she would not be banished back to the moon. I told her that I would let her return to being Luna, but that she would be a more juvenile form of herself for a while. She wasn't overly thrilled over it but she finally agreed.

Well finally the time comes. Well Fluttershy got her dumb birds to start singing just so the mayor could speak. Are you kidding me? Why the hell would she have her birds sing anything just for that loser mayor when I was coming? Oh well, when they did announce I was coming the birds chirped a happier tune. The looks on everypony's faces were quite funny when I didn't show up. Then Pinkie's reaction when my sister's purple mist began to develop was hilarious! When my sister did appear, everypony's reaction was priceless.

When my sister began to speak to them I could sense the sarcasm in her voice. She was asking them if her crown no longer counted, if they hadn't seen the signs and if they knew who she was. Of course Twilight replied in her arrogant, I'm hot shit voice. I was hoping my sister would have flown down and smacked her but she probably feared being sent back to the moon if she did that.

Then when she said, "remember this day ponies, for it was your last. From this moment forth, the night shall last forever!" I was thinking that maybe it was a mistake setting her free. I then began to think about how funny it would be if I became a nightmare pony named Solar Flare and talked my sister into cutting Equestria in half. She could have frozen one half in eternal darkness and I could have baked the other half in eternal day. I finally decided against it because had I done that, I probably couldn't seduce any of the mares in my school. Hell, I probably wouldn't have a school anymore at all!

Author's Notes:

A first pony account by Celestia regarding Friendship is Magic, parts one and two.