Author's Notes:

Done reading this and Pratfall's fight? Decide who wins right here!

He smelled paper.

Nothing fanciful like the parchment he’d come to see more popularized in old-timey places like Canterlot and its surrounding towns, but dreadfully, utterly, completely boring old mass produced rectangles with no personality to them, no character to their sharp corners. The pegasus cast his harsh judgement of current equestrian writing surfaces before he set his eyes about the office room he had just entered.The stacks of paper set around the area went wonderfully with the stainless steel shelves and lifeless wooden desk. It seemed not long ago he was mingling with the god of chaos and mischief, making sure he’d had the rules of this interesting little competition down-pat.

The mauve pegasus darted his hyperactive little eyes all over the place, growing expediently bored with this room. He looked to the left, catching sight of a door with a small glass window, from which a view into a hallway illuminated by florescent light was visible. On his right however seemed to be a meters-thick door with the sign ‘Fire Door’ plastered so carefully to explain to the average dingus what a big door like that was used for.

He stared at the door briefly and had himself a chuckle. “Fire safety. What happens when a poor sod gets locked in here by himself?”

Images of screaming, burning, dancing ponies echoed through his head and he allowed himself a morbid laugh at the idea before proceeding through the opposite door into the hallway. What he hadn’t heard, what the door on his end wound up masking as he opened it, was the click and whine of hinges of another door swinging open.

The hallway wasn’t very long. He had a fantastic view of iridescent golden scales, and black spines, black wings. White, curved horns and two silvery, glinting, narrowing eyes.

And billowing nostrils…

And a mouthful of jagged ivory daggers turning a blank expression into a malevolent greeting.

“Well you aren’t ugly at all!” Pratfall said cheerfully, “I’m Pratfall!”

“Kakumei,” the dragon replied shortly.

Kakumei was clearly in her teens, standing at maybe a few or more feet above her younger kin. Her body was sleek, muscles were visible in her arms and legs yet, for the most part, she looked faster than most of her peers. For what little that meant, given that dragons carried more weight around than ponies all the time. The black of her wings and spines extended down her belly and the spines decorating her head and running down her back and over the tail were curved dangerously like saw blades.

“That’s a dumb name, but hey, before we get started? Wanna hear a funny joke?”

Kakumei’s silence was telling. As was her deep inhalation.

“What did the ugly stupid dragon say to the handsome hilarious pegasus?”

Kakumei’s next breath wasn’t wasted on words. Instead, she opened her mouth and unleashed hell, a torrent of white-hot flame jetting straight for Pratfall.

The pegasus blinked and turned tail, flapping his wings desperately before the fire could singe a single orange hair on his spiky little ‘do. He tumbled back into the office and managed to slam the door on the approaching hot death. Glass shards fell as a stream of flame blasted the window above away, melting it as it went. Pratfall hissed at the errant superheated shards landing on his coat.

As he locked the door, he muttered to himself, annoyed at his own delivery. Of course the joke didn’t go like that! He was supposed to ask what the pegasus said and pull out his trusty liquid nitrogen bottle and blast her with it. And say ‘freeze’ right after.

Pratfall would annoy himself with that failure later. He didn’t need to look back to know Kakumei was coming and now Discord’s game was in full swing. Adrenaline coursed through his body, and little goosebumps pricked the skin beneath his fur. Kakumei was a live audience member, and Pratfall wasn’t about to let her go unentertained.

He opened the fire door, heaving with all his strength. It was much heavier than he had anticipated, and by the time he had pried it open a great crashing and splintering at the wooden door clued him into the fact that Kakumei was on his heels.

Pratfall managed to edge the door open enough to turn his body to the side and squeeze through. As he did so, he caught sight of the gold dragon approaching. She came toward him with an unflinching, silent walk, the grin from earlier turned into a scowl.

“Coward! Get back out here!” She snarled, lunging for door that nearly closed on her fingers had she not wisely retracted her arm when Pratfall slammed the fire door and bolted it from the other end.

“Coward!” The shout was muted from the other end of the door. Pratfall paid it no heed as he slid down the surface, eyes closed and panting and chortling at the same time. This was going to be so much fun!

“Oh...I’ll have to take my time with you…” he huffed with a blissful grin. Killing Kakumei would be a slow and enjoyable affair. Pratfall would use every trick in the book. And before the fire in her silvery eyes was snuffed out, she’d laugh for him. Or beg for her life. Both seemed like satisfying outcomes.

When Pratfall opened his eyes, he was greeted with a sight he would have begged for as a colt. Toys lined the shelves wall to wall. Playsets were spread out left and right, including the old Castle of the Two Sisters! So many dollhouses and action figures and this and that and—

The whole spread took on an eerie quality when he realized he was a very, very miniscule fraction of his own size. And that even as he stood upon what looked like the surface of a table, that everything around towered over him like the massive skyscrapers back home in Manehattan.

A spike of anger plucked at him briefly when his eyes caught sight of a rubber chicken laying some fifty yards away. He was instantly reminded of the factory…

...and the door behind him was warning him of the smell of burning rubber. Or steel as it were. Kakumei was blasting the door with her hot halitosis, looking to get in the old fashioned way. Pratfall, had his annoyance not have been triggered by the rubber chicken, would have given her points for effort and then taken them back for a lack of subtlety. The room itself, lit by more conventional electric light bulbs hidden behind shades, wound up darkening as if in response to his bout of emotion.

Pratfall spread his wings and flew up, pulling a colorful length from his saddlebag with a wing and heading toward a hook above.

Kakumei slammed her foot into the door once, denting the steel and leaving her four-toed imprint at least six inches deep. She did it once more and the hot, glowing fire door flew off the hinges, landing several feet away on the table. Stepping in, she scanned the immediate area for the fool pegasus. He’d done himself a disservice for proving himself as worthless as the rest of ponykind, running at the sight of danger. Kakumei was at least inclined to respect an opponent who would battle her properly.

The realization that she had stepped into a massive toy room at a miniscule size caused her to snort in disbelief. This was Discord’s entertainment. To expect anything less would have just been ignorance on her part. And Kakumei was no fool. Why it was so dark when she could see the soft lights on the walls was confusing though. What was Pratfall up to?

At that moment, a blue handkerchief dangled in front of her.

“Hmph,” she said, grasping the handkerchief. “Get down from there.”

Kakumei yanked, but felt an unyielding presence on the other end of the tied handkerchief, secured to more of its colorful ilk with knots and tied to a hook above.

Before she could react, a round metal object was pressed against her back, crackling and sparking with electricity. Kakumei cried out as hundreds of volts ran through her body, frying her nerves and blurring her vision with tears of agony before it all came to a stop just as suddenly. It didn’t stop there. A pair of hooves slammed into the back of her head with a dull thud that sent the dragoness stumbling forward.

With her senses scrambled, it was easy for Pratfall to move around her with a beat of his wings. Darting in and still hovering, he drilled Kakumei’s stomach with a pair of whirling kicks. She gasped, doubling over and grimacing; this hadn’t been how she imagined the fight going up close.

The pegasi’s right forehoof came gunning for her chin in an uppercut, but found itself in the grip of a much stronger, clawed hand. Pratfall blinked, Kakumei bringing her face close to his. Her mouth threatened to come apart halfway when she grinned. The attack was unexpected, but exactly what she needed. Pratfall’s hooves provided an exciting wake-up call for her. Now the fight had begun.

“What did the electrocuted dragon say to the dead pegasus?” Kakumei questioned.

Pratfall tilted his head to one side. “Hm... Don’t tell me...I know this one…”

Kakumei pulled back slightly on one leg, lifting the other to slam her foot into his stomach. The blow sent him flying and skipping across the table like a stone over water, right over the edge.

“Bye.”

Pratfall could feel something wrench in his gut. It was painful and may have been agitated after the near-story level drop from the table into a cardboard box full of blocks and other assorted assembly pieces.

The hurt exploded from his middle and up out his mouth in a small gob of red. Pratfall coughed, blood spattering the plastic surrounding him.

“What a...ah ha ha...punch line…”

Kakumei took a deep breath. The first encounter was intense, which meant that she had to keep up the pressure lest he be allowed enough time for another setup. Kakumei flapped her wings and took to the air, speeding toward where her foe had fallen from. Descending slowly, she noted with some amusement that he was already gone.

Red flecks left a trail, leading from a particularly bloody splotch against a simple four-peg block. Kakumei’s teeth became a gleaming zipper curving upwards. It was time to see what Pratfall was made of.

What the draconic female had thought she expected still managed to surprise her all the same. Pratfall waved at her from atop a column of blocks with interesting geometry. Some were simple bars of four segments, others shaped into L’s and zigzags and the occasional three-segmented block with that one weird additional piece in the center.

Nearby, a toy crane continued to drop pieces haphazardly into the wall. Kakumei squinted and noticed it was a creature made of some sort of...ethereal light. She couldn’t quite put her claw on what it was, though it was definitely equine-shaped. A loud whistle brought her attention back to the pegasus letting his hind legs dangle over the edge of an L-block.

“Yoo-hoo! Kakumei! It’s getting quite lonely at the top, could you bring me some company?” Pratfall’s airy tone annoyed the scales off of her. Kakumei’s eyes snapped back toward him with a scowl.

“The top isn’t big enough for the two of us.” She flew in his direction, taking another deep breath through her nostrils to roast the prankster pegasus.

Pratfall simply looked up and shouted to the ethereal pony in the crane, “Now!”

Where Kakumei had landed, a shadow appeared beneath her. She looked up to see one of the peculiarly shaped, upside-down “T” blocks coming her way. Kakumei barely avoided the toy brick, filling in a gap on the multicolored road to her foe. Pratfall waved at her from afar, incensing her.

“Again!” he shouted, not taking his eyes off the dragon, his tail swishing eagerly as he sat on his haunches like a colt waiting for hearth’s warming gifts.

Another plastic thunk behind Kakumei occurred, and she couldn’t help the laugh jumping out of her mouth. “You and your collaborators have the worst aim possible.” She took one step in his direction, wings spreading open once more.

The threatening step was met with a blast of cool, icy liquid spreading across the surface of their battleground. The blocks became glacial instantaneously, causing Kakumei to slip and fall, landing on her back. Pratfall laughed as if someone had told a great joke, throwing his head back in his mirth and tossing the small empty bottle of liquid nitrogen away. “Who said I was collaborating? I just wanted to watch you dance around those silly blocks. Speaking of which—”

Pratfall flapped his wings, speeding straight for Kakumei. The dragon bellowed flames at him once more, which he pulled out of the way of with a barrel roll. He closed with her to twirl around in midair, pulling his shock buzzer out once more. Slamming the button against Kakumei’s back, Pratfall electrocuted her again, forcing another cry of pain from his opponent.

Kakumei cursed herself as she felt her wings seize up and her knees buckle from the kicks Pratfall threw into the back of them. The slippery, multicolored surface made falling to her fours impossible and, the next thing she knew, the side of her face was resting on ice. The shock had caused her senses to dip dramatically, and her head swam, only vaguely aware of another block dropping in the line by the gears of the crane, and the thud of heavy plastic.

What happened next, Kakumei couldn’t quite understand until it was all over. Every single block from the floor up had disappeared in a flash of light the moment the last one was dropped. The dragoness fell from high up, heading straight for the floor with no way to pull up. Kakumei’s body smacked the hardwood floor below, and, like power shutting down, she blacked out.

Pratfall landed gracefully, avoiding the shattered shards of ice underhoof as he sashayed over to the prone dragon lying face flat against the ground. He stopped in front of her and leaned his head down.

“Remember when you hit me earlier?” His voice had changed drastically, the airheaded joviality replaced by a sinister snarl. “You’re gonna pay for that.”

Pulling the length of handkerchief from his bag o’ tricks once more, he looped it over Kakumei’s neck, tying the knot nice and tight. He then flew up to the hook where the the crane had dropped those blocks into that disappearing wall from moments ago and stuck the other end of the chromatic rope onto it. He gave a small salute to the shade operating the machine and touched back down, the smile lighting his face completely at odds with the hateful tone with which he spoke to his unconscious opponent.

The first thing she had felt upon waking up was an increased pressure on her throat. Breathing was so difficult as to be a non-entity to her now. The notion of which only caused Kakumei to open her eyes and notice she had been dangling from high up. Opening her eyes, she first saw her clawed feet, dangling high above the hardwood floor. Kakumei grunted and moved to get free, but found that her arms had been bound behind her back. Further experimentation told her that her wings were immobilized, held in place by some kind of sticky substance.

Of course, she didn’t need to look far to see the culprit. Pratfall was sitting pretty in a makeshift castle made of blocks built up high enough for him to have a view of his captive. The pegasus winked at her as her body turned toward him. “I thought you’d never wake up! Goodness, don’t you know better than to go sawing logs in the middle of entertaining a guest?” He put a hoof to his muzzle, adopting a thoughtful look. “Or maybe I’m entertaining you. In which case, would you like a snack?”

Saving every breath her lungs could hold, Kakumei merely glared.

“You’re looking pretty hungry. I’ve got just the thing though.”

Pratfall dug into his bag of tricks and pulled out a trigger-operated mechanism; a spring loaded boxing glove. “Have a knuckle sandwich, on the house.”

He stuck his hoof into the large ring and pulled. The glove felt like lead when it hit—hell it probably was made of lead—slamming into Kakumei’s stomach and forcing the rest of the air from her body. She sputtered and coughed under the pressure of the chromatic rope choking her. Pratfall retracted the device by pulling the trigger in the opposite direction.

Her tormentor giggled to himself like a schoolfilly. “Here, have another!”

Another press and the leaden glove pummeled her in the face with a painful crunch, blackening one of her eyes and giving her a significant headache. Kakumei briefly wondered if the orbital bone was broken, but tried to focus herself. Pratfall’s whimsy was her pain, so it wasn’t the most inefficient method of winning. He wasn’t dallying with speech without action like the few who could get the advantage over Kakumei this quickly.

The dragoness opened her mouth for the next “knuckle sandwich” sent her way.

“...oh my goodness, I haven’t seen a mare open that wide for me in—hey! Let go!”

Less concerned with the fact that her teeth had survived the contact with nigh-impossible timing, Kakumei grinned over the glove. A searing heat fwooshed over the spring loaded contraption in the form of another blast of white-hot hell approaching Pratfall.

He flapped his wings urgently, looking to put as much distance between him and the wreck of his little toy and was graced with the tongue of hot flames licking at his flesh once more. Pratfall yowled as he pulled back his forehooves from the fifty-foot flame he cleared himself of.

“I...that’s. Not...funny.” Pratfall’s malevolence took on the guttural tone once more. The pegasus glared furiously at a Kakumei who, even with her bruised up face, managed to effect more of a feeling of victory than Pratfall himself at the moment..

The gunk holding her wrists together wasn’t so tough when she managed to lift her legs and bring her arms up in front of her. A moment’s glance was all it took to tell her it was putty. Plain and grey and susceptible to the little stream of superheated air she blew through her teeth at it. A crack appeared in the space between her wrists and she managed to snap the restraints off with ease. Fanning her fingers before clenching them into fists and reaching back to draw a claw through where the base of her wings had been sealed up, Kakumei freed herself. “Your friend in the crane seems to think so.” She smirked, a clawed finger pointing up at the crane’s window.

Pratfall’s eyes flashed dangerously as he snapped his gaze upward to the creature, the guffawing shade. It hadn’t much in the way of facial details, but the motions of its body looked rather mirthful, doubling over at the controls with all the grace of one engaged in a hearty belly laugh.

“You’re fired,” the pegasus murmured to the shape, fully aware the shape was never working for him in the first place. He snapped his eyes back down to Kakumei. “And you… Time out. I’m taking a break.”

Pratfall turned and flapped his wings, intent on getting as much distance as he could from the dragon for a second time.

Stupid, foolish pegasus pony.

Kakumei’s hot maw blew another hot plume of fire toward him, just to cow him into another maneuver. This was starting to get exciting. The life of such a court jester, such a moron in her claws. As if he hadn’t understood the superior species was guaranteed to win this fight. As if he hadn’t known that dragons were the rightful masters of the world. The golden dragon grinned, and chased her prey into the next room.

Instead of getting caught off-guard this time by another handkerchief, she entered the room with a large blast of fire. With her maw as wide as she could make it, the wooden door was reduced to kindling by the time she had crossed the threshold. And in front of her was a long, black scorch mark.

Kakumei blinked. This wasn’t another toy room. This was...an arena of some sort? Odd looking kart-like objects of all colors sat haphazardly around the clean floor, illuminated by the caged fluorescent lights overhead. She looked around, apparently now floating above a narrow catwalk leading to another door. But where Pratfall was in this mess, she’d have to search to find out.

She folded her wings and set her feet gently upon the catwalk.

Which promptly collapsed under her weight.

“Bahahahaha!” Floating over the wreckage of steel bridge was Pratfall, cackling at the toy he’d used to pull the screws from the foundations keeping it up. That plastic screwdriver he’d managed to pick up from the other room while the slow dragon was out cold was more useful than whoever made it was credited for.

He pushed the obvious lump in the remains of the wreck aside, uncovering a dazed dragonseated in a blue bumper car. Pratfall settled into the roomy little ride with a safe amount of space between him and Kakumei. What was the best pun for this?

You got screwed!

Looks like you had a few screws loose?

The simplest was the best of course! Pratfall figured, strapping the buzzer to his foreleg again, and turning to smile at the stirring dragon. “Nice of you to drop in!”

Kakumei’s face ran a gamut of expressions before settling carefully on not amused. She opened her mouth to voice her opinion of the pun, or maybe to do something incredibly painful. Pratfall was sure the two were one in the same. He was already moving one of his hooves over to her in that same moment though. The shock buzzer pressed against her belly, and she cried out again before he jabbed her in the throat, delaying the fire for a few more seconds while she coughed smoke.

Pratfall strapped her into the car by the chains of the seat—most curious changes from seatbelts, but then again, so were the white lights turning a rather ominous shade of red. He couldn’t lie. He was rather giddy about the next part. There was a bag full of tricks he still had left.

Stupid, foolish arrogant dragon.

Kakumei growled internally at herself as she watched the whimsical pegasus pony fly up and out of the seat. As much as she hated to admit it, he wasn’t bad. At taking advantage of others’ idiocy, that is. He was still an idiot, but a clever one, for sure.

THUMP.

Kakumei’s snout hit the wheel in front of her as her head was slingshotted forward from the impact behind. Another bumper car crashed into the front, whipping her head backward against the edge of the seat. By the time she was able to blink the moisture in her eyes away from the pain in her snout, she came to see the floor was alive with shades in different bumper cars, all knocking each other back and forth.

It didn't take long for the destruction derby to sweep her up. Kakumei's cart went spinning from a hard slam to the side, and another came at her head-on, the velocity whipping her head back on impact. Shades continued to knock Kakumei's cart around left and right while Pratfall was nowhere to be seen.

Some glue here... light this on fire...

And in no time, Pratfall was wheeling toward Kakumei with his kart done up as an ice cream truck with a flaming strawberry scoop on top. “Anypony got a sweet tooth?” He grinned, hefting another spring loaded device. This one loaded with, of all things, an ice skate boot.

The vast majority of the floor parted, leaving a disoriented dragon sitting with her head bowed against her wheel.

Pratfall wheeled his kart into position, some feet away but ready to complete this vehicular homicide and make a choco-banana dragon split. He revved the kart, making the little engine growl for all it was worth. The challenging noises of the kart in front of her caused Kakumei to perk up. She looked up to him, and, as foreign the mechanics of the object she sat in were, she ventured at the contraption's controls anyway. Her fingers wrapped over the steering wheel. She eyed the display in front of her. Yes, there was the wheel, but there were also the pedals nearby her feet. Hazarding guess, she pressed down on the left and shot forward, startled by the sudden whip crack of her head back once again.

One more threatening rev later and Pratfall was speeding toward her, laughing like a madman.

The head-on collision was imminent. Kakumei, for all she'd suffered, figured she could give some small credit to Pratfall for giving her a measure of trouble. Not as much a worthy opponent as say...a pain in her tail. Which was as close as a compliment as she could allow herself.

In the final moments of their approach, she got one last good look at the pegasus. Seeing the gleam of mirthful malice in his eyes and the manic grin on his face drew pity from the dragon. He was a jester. A joke. Though the element of surprise had given him a steady lead, there was no doubt that in all-out combat, Kakumei had the upper hand. But he was clever. She would give him that.

'Alas, Pratfall... Playtime is over.' Kakumei's own mouth became a daggermouth hook, returning the expression on her opponent's face.

She breathed once more, having regained enough wind back for an inhalation. Fire melted the chains over her, and she broke free, wings flapping upward to carry her out of the cart. Simultaneously, Pratfall disappeared from his own vehicle, ascending on the seat from a metal spring and leaving it behind with his own wingbeat.

The two combatants approached each other in mid-air while their respective rides came together in a fiery explosion, lighting up the entire arena. With expressions of pure bloodlust, Kakumei and Pratfall threw simultaneous punches, forelegs catching dragon fists and vice versa. Locked in one final struggle, one that would be decided easily by the difference in strength, Pratfall's face fell when he realized both of his hooves were empty.

He blinked a few times while Kakumei's grin grew wider. “This is where your tale ends, pony.”

From between her legs, the spiny appendage swung up, the electrical buzzer that the prankster had used so much coming up to press itself against a leg.

“Not b—”

Pratfall could always appreciate a good joke. Even when it was tearing through his nerves and frying through fur and flesh and cutting him off in mid-compliment. The pegasus screamed and convulsed in midair, before his wings lost their feeling along with the rest of him, but a hand over his throat did not allow him to drop. Not yet.

“What did the electrocuted pegasus say to his dragon superior?”

Pratfall's eyes, wide from the rather painful experience could only look on in horror. Kakumei smiled in turn.

Her maw opened one last time, and the plume of flames that greeted Pratfall was the last thing he'd ever see.

She roasted Pratfall down to a crisp before breaking off a small piece of the ear. Popping the part of his head in her mouth, Kakumei chewed a few moments before deciding it tasted funny.

Not moments later did the room shift entirely. The shades left their carts and began clearing them away, sweeping and cleaning the area—which seemed to be getting smaller and smaller...or was Kakumei getting bigger? In no time, she became fully sized, and the door to where she’d entered was no longer closed, but filled with a beckoning white light. Kakumei took her leave, crushing toys and shades underfoot.