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My little Escapade

by LazyPone

Chapter 74: Chapter 74: Diplomatic Relations

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He was still screaming, even after I left the bolt embedded in his claw, little bitch.

"Listen," I started. "You are going to go back to your king, tell him that we rejected his proposition, and send some other gryphon to the next meeting. Got it?" I asked. "Would you kindly do that for me?" I got no response. He was still screaming his ass of. "Do it or I'll pluck your wings."

That shut him up, pretty quickly too.

He nodded and bolted off when I got off him. He still had the arrow in his hand, meh…

“Ember?” I turned to Celestia. “You do realize you may have started a war with them. Correct?” She asked, I thought about my answer for a bit. And decided to shrug.

“It's been getting boring around here anyway.” I said casually.

“Wait,” The Dragon Lord said. “are you implying you want to start a war?”

“No. It's literally been dull for while now. For me anyway.” I said.

“What do you mean?” I turned round and saw that it was Soterios who spoke.

“My kids have already began taking care of themselves. I hardly need to do anything any more as a father. I’m still an important figure in their lives. But, they grow up too damn fast.”

“Then it is a good thing you will always have nymphs, correct?” Fair Heart asked.

“Yyyes and no,” I answered. “Yes, I’ll always have kids that I can take care of. But what about the ones that’re all grown up? It’s hard to balance time between my kids.” I said with a sigh. My entire posture sagged a bit. I then felt something on my waist. It was Fair Heart's hoof.

“May we speak in private?” I nodded and we left the conference room. “You know, you could always enter the hive mind. It’s much easier to interact with all your kin within."

“I know… But, I can't handle that.” I admitted. “I’d lose my mind if I spent a second listening to all those voice at once. The human brain wasn’t built take that amount of information. Especially with how fast some of ‘em are.”

“I see… Have you ever tried..?”

“Yes, I tried that, and let me tell ya, being a changeling myself only gave me a few a seconds before it went crazy.” I shuddered. “I was glad I… disconnected, when I did.”

“Oh… I see… Would you want help?” She asked.

“What?”

“I believe I can help you with this… predicament. If you are willing.”

“Anything to keep my family as close as possible.”

“Splendid! Shall we then?”

“You go one ahead of me. I’m gonna be while.” Fair Heart nodded and disappeared in a flash of light. I left Canterlot Castle, having decided to take to scenic route back to Ponyville. I was planning to walk for a bit, I thought walking through the forest would clear my mind a bit.

But, almost like everything else in my life since coming here, shit hit the fan way too quickly. Something hit me in the back of my head, pretty hard actually. Nothing that would knock me out, but enough to disorient me. And, just my fucking luck, I felt something wrap around my entire being. I tried to struggle my way out of… whatever the hell was trapping me. I received another bonk to the head. Whoever did that actually managed to knock me out…

Those fuckers are dead as soon as I wake up.


Ugh, my head is killing me. What happened? Where that fuck am I?

Ok… wait… Things are coming back to me… Ooooh…. Right yeah.

Ok, now I’m pissed beyond humanly possible.

… And I’ve had my eyes close this whole, it’d be a good idea if-

“Look, thing looks like it’s waking up.” Oh great, one of captours sound like a fag.

“Whaddya think tha boss wanted with this thayng? Don’t we have ‘nough?” And the other sounds more like a Bostonian. And that other one sounds more like… I think a slave driver, I think I know that’s what’s going on with how they’re talking… Good lord I’ve watched too many movies.

“Don’t know, don’t care. Imma go let the boss know. You keep watch on that thing.” I heard one of them walking away. I slowly opened my eyes, and saw that I was in some kind of decent-sized tent. That had stripes, orange and yellow stripes.

Oh my fucking god, yep, ponies are dying today. Or tonight, whatever the fucking time is.

“You guys are fucking idiots.” I said.

“Woah! Holy tartarus! Ya can talk!?” Stupid asked.

“Yeah numbnuts. I can talk, where the hell am I anyway?” I looked at the pony talking. Turns out it was a girl with brown fur

“Oh! Uh, you’re at Silly Sting’s Circus.” He answered.

“Really? You guys kidnap me so I can be part of a fucking act?”

“Uh… yeah… Pretty much. We kinda need ta do that stuff if we wanna keep making them bits.” Really? This shit exists here? There is such thing as animal torture on this planet?

“...”

“Uh… Ya alright there?”

“...”

“Hey! Ya in that tiny head of yours?” I saw the pony waving her hoof in front of my face. “What’s wrong with ya? Parasprite got your tongue?”

“... So you, and your friends, take animals from their homes, and use them for entertainment?” I asked.

“Uh… well… yeah…” I can see the dread on this idiot's face. Good.

“Huh, didn’t know that kinda stuff was legal.” I said, feigning ignorance.

“It… it actually kinda isn’t…” The girl said while scratching the back of her neck.

“Oh, really? Then why are you doing something you know is wrong?” The female looked down dejectedly.

“I don’t know about everypony else here. But, I kinda didn’t have a choice...”

“What?”

“Uh…” She hesitated, about what? I don’t know. “My family weren’t really that ‘well off’ when I was growin’ up. So I didn’t have that many bits when my parents… died.”

Oh, god.

“What about work? There had to be something better than this.”

“Where I came from, nopony wanted to hire a freakin’ earth pony.”

“Canterlot?”

“That obvious?” I nodded.

“Yeah, I had the unfortunate opportunity of meet a few of them. Some of ‘em are good-hearted. But… fuck the rest.”

“‘Know whatcha mean...” The ponies head dipped a bit.

“Say… I just thought of this.” I said. “How ‘bout we make a deal?”

“Oh yeah, what can somethin’ like you got for me?”

“Well, I am friends with Princess Twilight.”

“Really? How am I ‘sposed to know it you lyin’ or not?”

“You really never heard of me?” She shook her head. “Name’s Ember. And I’m a human if you were wondering.”

“Oh...” Fucking hell, she’s slow. “Oh.” Op, she’s getting there. “Oh! Buck me!” She slapped a hoof to her face in realization. Bingo! “How didn’t I notice that!?” She rushed behind and undid the ropes binding me. Normally, I would’ve ripped them myself. But, I guess plans change every once in awhile.

“There!” She declared as the rope slid off me. I got up and stretched. “But, about that deal you were talkin’ about…”

“Right, well. I was thinking, if you got me out of here… wherever the hell we are, I could talk to Twilight and see what she can do about your situation.” The pony gaped at my offer.

Hehe, she looks like a fish.

Anyway, it took her a couple second to recover.

“Really?” I nodded. “That… that’d be awesome...”

“Well, if you get me out of here...” I said leadingly while holding my hand out. She looked at it for moment, unsure about something, but she eventually shook it. “Great; we got a deal. Now, where the hell are we?”

“Just outside Fillydelphia.” She answered. Now it was my jaw’s turn to hit the floor. I even know that’s fucking far from Canterlot.

“That’s a bit much, don’t you think?” I asked.

“What? Ya mean the distance?” I nodded. “Not really, the animals in the forest ‘round here are kinda boring to be honest.” I shook my head.

“Whatever, let’s just get the hell out of here.” The pony nodded and left the tent. I wasn’t far behind.

I then saw the cages. Cages holding animals. Why the he-

That’s… That’s a human… There is a fucking human amongst the cages. A regular human, non-anthro.

“Ay! You alright there?” The pony asked me. I ignored her and walked up to the cage. The person was curled up, on the ground, their back facing me.

“Why the fuck is one of my kind doing here?” I asked.

“What?” I heard her behind me.

“You have one of my own kind, locked up.” She looked to me, then the person, then back to me. “Both of us are humans. And you have this one locked up.”

“Oh...” Great, she’s like a pony girl version of Patrick. “Oh! Buck me… I’m not responsible for this!” I raised my brow at her. “Honest, he was hear before I started workin’ here.” I sighed.

“Alright, I’ll believe you. Just unlock the door.” She nodded, walked up the cage door, pull out a ring of keys from somewhere, and unlocked the door, letting it swing open. The poor guy heard the door squeaking open and lazily picked up his head to look at us. His sunken-in eyes widened when he saw me.

“¿Que… Que eres? ¿Eres un ángel?” Him speaking Spanish kinda caught me off guard, but… it does bring a little light to this situation…

“Soy un humano.” I answered. “¿Sabes lo que es un anthro?”

“No...” He answered.

“No importa, ahora mismo, vamos a salir de aquí.” I saw his eyes visibly brighten when I said that.

“¿De Verdad? ¿Estamos dejando este infierno?” I nodded.

“Dios Mio!” He cheered while jumping up. It only lasted for a second before he almost fell; the guy looked severely malnourished.

Luckily, I was able to catch him before he hit the ground.

“Tómalo con calma. Vamos, salgamos de aquí.” I said. He nodded with an almost dreamy expression. His eyes then closed. I got a little worried and felt for a pulse. Ok, good, he has one, albeit a weak one, but it’s still there.

“Uh… what was all that?”

“He speaks a different language.” Was all I said before I gestured her to continue leading me. We walked in silence for a bit, I saw a few ponies running about. Hm, likely they’re looking for us.

“Swift! There you are! We need to look for that animal!” A dark-colored pony, with a voice I vaguely recognized. And apparently he didn’t see either of us walking behind her. “Hey… What’re you doing with out catch? Why is carrying the bald ape!?” Oh, now he did.

And now, I’m pissed.

“We’re not animals, you fucking idiot.” I said with the most disgusted look I could muster. The guy’s jaw hung low when I spoke.

“You can talk!?” He shouted after a few attempts at speech.

“Of course I can. Retard. Now get out of our way. We’re leaving.” That made him upset for some reason.

“There’s no way you’re leaving! Especially with that ape-” I rolled my eyes, I’ve already have enough shit today.

“Fine.” I said, which confused both ponies. I used my magic to grab the guy, and forcefully shove him to the side. I snickered when he landed against a few boxes, and laughed when the boxes topple over him. I heard someone else laughing, must’ve been Swift.

“Alright, let’s go.” I said when I managed to calm down. Swift nodded, still giggling, and went back to leading me. There were more tents, larger than the one I woke up in. With ponies walking and out of them. There were also a few boxes, cages with other animals I have never seen, and… I think that’s a huge fucking carriage. Looks more like a train with wagon wheels. Good lord, that thing’s massive.

“Swift Hoof! Where do you think you’re going with MY pets!?” I witness Swift freeze in place from the voice behind us. I turned around and, lo and behold. There was a guy, a bit bit bigger than Big Mac, scowling at us, or Swift. Kinda hard to tell with how squinted his eyes are.

“Fuck off, we’re leaving.” I said, which caused the guy’s eyebrows to shoot up. It didn’t last long though, and sure enough, he was shouting again.

“You ain’t leavin’! You’re apart of my show now! I own you!” I actually growled in anger when he said that.

*So he thinks he owns us huh? We’ll see about that.* I carefully set the guy in my arms down on the ground. I then teleported right up to the pony, surprising him.

“So you think you own me? You really don’t have any idea who you’re talking to huh?”

“Listen here you mutated ape! I won’t-” He completely ignored me… Ugh, great… Well, he just made it easy for me to sock him in the face. Heh, weak little bitch, a little love tap and he’s out cold. I thought Earth Ponies knew how to take a hit.

Hmm… maybe I should let Celestia know about this place… Should I? Sure, it’d be a little heartbreaking to see her ‘little ponies’ act like this. But, fuck it, why should I care? I don’t rule the land of ponies.

Yeah, definitely letting her know. This guy will be enough for now. I think...

“Hey Swift?”

“Yeah?”

“This guy the boss you were talking about earlier?” I asked while picking him up with my magic. She nodded. “Alright then. Let’s go.” I also picked up my fellow human as carefully as I could and finally left that damn circus. I then teleported the four of us to Canterlot when we were a good distance away.

“Woah!” Swift swayed a bit.

“Relax, I just teleported us to Canterlot.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I need to hand this guy over to the guard. I'm pretty sure whatever he’s been doing is kinda illegal.”

“Uh… It, kinda is…”

“Really? Why am I not surprised.” Swift gave me a weird look. “Same law applies where I come from.”

“Oooooh… Ok.”

“Yeah, at least we got that in common.”

“Yeah! That’s pretty cool actually!”

“Why?”

“Well, animal cruelty is, like, a big crime where you come from, right?” I nodded. “N’ you guys are supposed to be… omni... omni-vores, right?” I nodded again. “Well, that’s pretty cool to be honest. You all eat meat n’ stuff, but, you guys still respect animals. I met some griffins that pretty much beat their animals before eating them, they said it ‘tenderizes’ the meat. Eyyyugh...” Swift trailed off with a disgusted look on her face. I, meanwhile, couldn’t help but stare at Swift. She kinda just blew my first impression of her out of the water.

“Swift Hoof.” She looked at me. “I like you.”

Next Chapter: Chapter 75: Taking a Break Estimated time remaining: 12 Minutes
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My little Escapade

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