“Ember! Do you know what you did!? Get back here!”

“No! Fuck you!” I say as me, Spark, Golden, Chrysi and the other me run towards Whitetail Woods. Allow me to elaborate. So it seems that the ponies of this town didn’t find Two of me very funny, they all think I’m a ghost now, and that started a pandemonium. How and why would they think that? Do ghosts exist here? They probably do if magic is a real thing. I’ll need to ask Twi about that…

“Hey, um, Ember?” Chrysi got my attention.

“Yeah?”

“Where are we going?” Oh yeah, running from a pissed off Twilight, nearly forgot about that in the midst of running away from said pony.

“We’re going to Whitetail Woods.”

“Why?”

“To lose her of course!”

“But she can bucking fly! She can easily spot us!”

“Not through the thick trees! Come on!” I double my efforts and sprint towards the woods. That is, until Twilight tried to block us off by teleporting to stand right in front of us, her horn a bright pink. Everyone but me and the other me kept running. We got closer, and closer, and closer to Twi, we were about three feet away from her. Running full speed.

Then, we leaped. We leaped over the purple pony, flipping her the bird in the process. Both of us also did a full flip and landed elegantly on our feet, never stopping, never slowing down. Never taking a glance back. How can you when you got an angry being as powerful as a demigod after you?

“E-ember! Both of you! Get back here!” She’s only after us, great.

“The fuck do we do?” The copy of me asked.

“Just keep running for the woods, we’ll lose her when we get there.” He nods to me and we keep up a full-blown sprint for a while.

“Hey, so, uh… you got, voices too?” He asked.

“Yep, they came with my magic. You got three right?” He nodded. “Cool. You got the amulet too?” He smiles widely at me and thumps his chest. “Nice.” So there are now two of those Alicorn Amulets. If Celestia ever found out she’d probably have a shit-fit. Wouldn’t mean any good for me.

*BOOM* The ground rumbled and shook a bit.

“What was that?” Ember Two asked.

“Shit! That was Rainbow!” I could see the rainbow wave above us. “Change of plan! Run for the fucking Everfree!”

“Got it!” We change course and make a mad dash towards temporary sanctuary. Then I hear wings flapping behind me.

“Jump.” I mutter calmly. We then jump the side, and a rainbow streak whizzed right through where we were sprinting. I jumped back to my talons and prepare for Rainbow. The other me does the same. And just in time too, the streak that was her made a vertical U-turn. In a split-second she was heading right for me. I couldn’t tell what or where every part of her body was.

She was moving at a speed that not even I could keep track of.

“You’re mine!” She shouted right before she delivered a numbing blow to my jaw. How she did not decapitate me right there mystifies me. Sure as hell sent me flying backwards a couple yards though. The sheer force of the blow shattered my jaw, and I think it broke my neck, but I was conscious so that probably didn’t happen. I then felt more and more and more blows pepper my front and sides. “You bucking idiot! You made us think you were dead! How could you!? HOW COULD YOU!?” I felt one final punch to my center, cracking a few ribs and probably bursting a kidney or two. It hurt, a lot if you didn’t guess, so much so that I couldn’t move without anything protesting. All I could see was red, dammit my eyes are covered in blood. Blinking it away would be useless. All I could hear was my raspy breathing and Rainbow’s heavy breathing, which soon turned panicked sounding. I don’t think the other me stuck around, he would’ve stopped Rainbow before she did any real damage.

“Uh… Ember? You still there.” I can feel myself losing consciousness. Red was slowly fading to black, though my breathing was at a steady pace. Thank the nutjobs who put those things in me. “C’mon dude, stop messin' with me!” She let a strained chuckle. If I had the strength I would’ve laughed too. But then again, why am I not really angry right now?

“Ember?” I still have enough strength to focus on my breathing. Heh, let’s see how Dash likes the feeling of almost killing someone. And I’m sure gonna be pissed about that later on.

“Rainbow!? Where are ya!?” I heard Aj call out. Though I think Rainbow was too busy with other things to care. Thankfully the girls found us in about five minutes. Man, they’re quick.

“Oh good, we finally found ya! Where’s Ember?” Still no answer from Rainbow.

“Rainbow! Oh thank Celestia! Hey… Are you alright.” She still remains silent, they haven’t seen me yet.

“I… I killed him...” She mutters.

“What?” A panicked voice I recognized as Chrysi asked. “Please tell me I heard something else than what I heard you say...”

“Oh Celestia, I killed him… I bucking killed him!”

“Now Rainbow, Ah’m pretty sure that’s not the case-”

“Look at him, I smashed his face in!” is that why I can only see red? Huh. She must’ve went all out this time.

“He ain’t dead! Ah can see ‘em breathin’!”

“Well he’s gonna be! There’s nothing we can do!” Wait, where’s-

“Oh no! Ember!” I felt two stubby something's gently grab my head with the delicacy of a brain surgeon. “Ember!” I can hear all the worry and fear in her voice. “E-ember? Please say something. Let me know you’re still here...” Aw fuck... Using my magic I pick up my hand up and place it on her shoulder, I hope.

“I’n here.” I managed to say before I let my hand fall off. It’s hard talking with a broken jaw.

“Ember!” I hear many voices yell at once.

“Awrigh, hat hur.” I mutter in annoyance. Do they really have to yell for almost anything?

“Oh thank christ you’re alive! I really thought you were gone for a sec.” Golden said, clearly relieved.

“Heh, ih’s prery hard ho hill me. Rehender?”

“Yeah, I know. So… how do we..?” I once again use my magic to hold up my hand in a ‘hold on’ position. I then speed up the healing process and fix my face. “Woah dude, that’s cool, no matter times I see you do that. It’s just, just like...”

“Wolverine right?” I heft myself up.

“Yeah! That’s it! But… wasn’t Twi after you or something?”

“Oh yeah, fuck.” I look at Twilight and she’s tending to Rainbow, along with the rest of the girls minus Chrysi and Spark. And Rainbow is actually crying. I got her to cry. I got her to fucking cry!? Holy shit! That’s a first. And with perfect timing to boot. That oughta teach her a lesson, the one with that thing, that ‘quit fucking with me’ thing. “Well, looks like they’re occupied with comforting Rainbow for almost killing me.”

“She almost killed you!?” Golden and Chrysi shout. Spark just puts on a surprised look.

“Yeah, she almost did.” The ponies either didn’t hear them shout -doubt it- or they didn’t care enough to look, still better that they stay there anyway, Rainbow seems a little down.

“But how?”

“Didn’t you see my face caved in?” they shake their heads. “Alright, she did, and landed a whole hailstorm of punches across the front of my body, which I highly expect caused a lot of internal bleeding. If it weren’t for the nano’s and magic I’d be still on the ground, probably dead.”

“But wouldn’t those things heal you up?” I shake my head.

“They don’t work as fast as Wolverine’s healing ability, that was magic. If I didn’t do that, yeah the nano’s would’ve stopped the bleeding, fixed my face up and fully heal me, but there would probably be brain problems due to the lack of blood to my brain, since I'd be clinically dead for a minute or two.”

“Because of all the already lost blood?” Chrysi questioned and I nodded.

“Like I said, those little fuckers aren’t fast, but they get the job done. Even though their efforts could be fruitless.”

“But I thought you upgraded them?”

“I did Spark, but I can only do so much as slightly increase their speed. They can close up cuts deep enough to show bone as fast as using liquid glue to put two pieces of paper together. Maybe a little quicker than that.”

“Really?” I nod. “Hmm… Are you sure there isn’t a way to make them operate at a faster speed?”

“Nope. I did all I could to speed them up. Betcha anything back home there’s a way.”

“Yes, I’m fairly sure.” She says with a smile.

“Sorry to interrupt you three.” My magical copy cuts in from nowhere, where did he come from? “But we should probably get going. The girls are starting to recover. Mainly Rainbow.” I look back and now they’re standing, still crowded around Rainbow.

“Yeah, let’s get going.” I agree with myself and we start walking to my house.

“Ya sure you’ll be alright Rainbow?” I heard Aj ask.

“*sniff* Yeah, I’ll be fine. I just... I just need to go home.” I look behind me and see Rainbow take off. And just in time for the rest of the girls, minus Fluttershy and Pinkie, to shoot death glares at me. I just scoffed and turned back around.

“Hey, me.” I call out to my magical double.

“Yeah?”

“You mind if-”

“Oh, yeah, sure. I’ve had enough fun for a while.” I nod.

“Alright.” I say right before I snap my fingers and he fades away, now it’s just me, Golden, Spark, and Chrysi. We continued on our way to my house at a much calmer pace.

“That’s weird you know.” Golden remarks.

“I know, but he’s gonna be useful later on.”

“No, not that.”

“What?”

“I mean, you're still able to… you know, die.”

“And what? It’s still pretty hard for me to kick the bucket though.”

“I know, but… I thought...”

“I know what you mean. I had the same thoughts when I first heard nano-tech was first available. Bastards didn’t even tell me it was nano-tech that changed my looks.”

“And… you’re ok with all that?”

“Yeah, well, when I first found out it did make me mad. But then I remember the little guys increase my lifespan. After that I never really gave it much thought.”

“Oh. How… like, how long can you live with those things in you?” I had to mentally pause to recall those statistics.

“... If I remember correctly, they gave me about eighty more years. But it all depends on your lifestyle.”

“How so?”

“Hmm… Well, if you live a sedentary life, you’ll for about… a hundred, maybe one-ten… I can’t remember too well. But if you work you work your body a lot, the max you can go for is about fifty to seventy years.”

“Really? Huh… That’s, still pretty cool. But I thought that, you’d be... immortal or something.”

“Yeah, I bet they got better shit back home...” At that moment I had a thought cross my mind. I thought I’d never think I’d think of.

I want to pay home a visit.

“Actually, you guys go on ahead. I just remembered I need to go talk with someone.” I lie.

“Uh… alright. See you later then.” Golden says as they walk off without me. Him and Chrysi, shooting me worried and confused looks. I just smile and wave, hopefully they don’t worry too much, or at all. I was just about to go back to Earth for a little while, after all. Good thing being they don’t know that.

I teleport to the front gates of Canterlot Castle. Wow, I really know what to call this now? Cool, I guess. And the guards standing at the gates were the night guard, considering how late it was it made sense the night guard would out and about. They slightly flinch at my sudden appearance, but their eyes widen when the really see me. Must’ve made an impression on them. Nice.

“Excuse me, but which Princess is available right now?” They both just sit there before the thestrals, they told me that’s what they call themselves last time I was here, before the one on the left talks.

“Both Princess Luna and Princess Celestia are attending night court.” He instantly regains his stoic guard pose, along with his friend.

“Good. I’ll be heading in then.” I walk past the guards, opening the gate with my own magic.

“Hault!” I stop and turn my head to them, turning my head a complete one hundred and eighty degrees. “Y-you can’t go and see them right now, the Princesses are in a meeting.” He probably stuttered because of attempt doing to the Last Exorcism head spin.

“Oh don’t worry, I won’t take too much time away from whatever snobbish idiot trying to get more money for themselves.” I turn back around and continues on my way, and none of those two guards try to stop me, either they’re afraid of me, or they really want to know what happens tomorrow. The thestrals guarding the actual entrance to the castle look me before nodding and open the door. I nod back and head in. I didn’t want to walk a few miles to get to Celestia or Luna, so as soon as the doors closed I teleported to the front doors leading to the throne room. The guards there flinch but quickly catch themselves. They don’t don’t ask any questions, they just look to me through their helmets, and allow me entrance to the room. I nod towards them appreciatively and head in.

“But aauunty!” Oh for fucks sake.

“Prince Blueblood, no means no.” Not this prick again! Haven’t I delt with him enough? At least Luna notices me, a hopeful look on her face. Yeah, she doesn't like her own nephew, probably just as much as Celestia.

“Ember! It’s so good to see you again!” Luna stands up from her chair and casually walks down to me when I’m close enough, and gives me a hug? She just stood up on her hind legs and gave me a hug. That’s… new. Not that I don’t like the hug or that it’s weird, it’s just... new.

“You… too, Luna.” I respond a bit slowly. She lets go and returns to her four-legged stance. She smiles brightly and walks back up to her chair. All the while Celestia was staring with a happy smile, and Blueblood. He looked like he just threw up years of repressed memories of molestation while staring at a picture of rape.

“You seriously let that… Ape in the throne room!?” Huh, I thought he’d be terrified of me.

“I could say the same for you. Why would you aunt’s ever listen to you when all you want to do in here is ask for more money.” I chuckle. “You’re such a fucking child.” At that he gasps.

“H-he called a goat! Aunty!” What?

“Now Blueblood, that must be what his kind call their young. Correct?” Celestia looks to me with a clean look and I nod.

“Yeah. Now if you don’t mind, us grown-ups have to talk.” He just stand there like an idiot. “I’m telling you to leave.”

“Wha- I- bu… Buck you!” He shouts, his horns lights up as a bright beam of magic shoots out from it at me. It was easy casting a shield to block the shot. It was also just as easy to just run over and kick him through a window. But I refrained from doing so, for obvious reasons. I just looked with extreme disdain.

“Blueblood!” Celestia shouted, I turn to her and she had this pissed off look on her face that almost sent chills down my spine. But it looked more like an angry pout than anything, which, was no matter how which way you put it, cute. I swear, I can witness a pony commit murder here and it’d be adorable. “What was that!?” Woah, ok. She’s sounding like a mother angry with her kid. Backing away now.

-Well he’s in deep shit.-

*No kidding.*

“I-I’m sorry-!”

“Sorry my left flank!” Oh shit. Even Luna is surprised, and she more or less teleported to my side, using me for cover. “Never, in my own life, would I ever imagine my own nephew to attack the ambassador of the Human Race!” Oh yeah, I am that guy in this place. Woopie. But Celestia was fuming at Blueblood. “Now GO to your room! And guess what? Your weekly allowance is hereby banished, no Removed from existence!”

“Bu… but-”

“NOW.” The little sniveling pile of flesh that goes by Blueblood jumps and runs off. Crying like a fucking kid who scraped his knee. We both look back to Celestia and she’s flipped a one-eighty on us. Literally a second before it looked like she was going to bring down the sun to incinerate him. And a split-seconds it’s as if nothing happened. I find that both awesome and terrifying.

“I’m sorry about that, I… I’ve just... had it with his...”

“Bullshit?” I supply.

“Yes, that.” She pauses. “After this, I’m sure he’ll see the error of his ways and change for the better. And hopefully make some friends who aren’t out for his bits.” I laugh.

“The day I’ll need a friend like him I’ll just have myself a little squat and shit one out.” I deadpan right at Celestia. I feel Luna swing her head at me, then, out of nowhere, she falls to the floor. Having a good old belly laugh, clutching her sides. But there was something about her laugh that seemed a bit off. Her laugh, it had a melody to it. Not like music or anything. It’s not like any normal laugh I’ve heard. I don’t even how to properly explain it. Melody just comes to mind when I try to explain. I find it kinda… soothing though. Weird.

“That wast truly humerous!” She laughs a bit more before calming down. “We agree that Prince Blueblood is not a… gentalcolt,” Ok, I just noticed something, what is it with these fucking puns? It just fucking me that the names of the places I’ve heard are puns of places back on my world. And why did it take me so long to notice!? “but we truly wish that gent would see the error of his ways and changeth for the better.”

“Forgive me, but I don’t think that’ll happen at all. Usually people like him back on my world stay like that their whole lives.”

“But aren’t there ways to change a… person’s way of life?” Celestia asked.

“I guess there are some ways, but unless their life or money is at risk they really won’t care. Unless they’re taught or raised to be humble, that’s an entirely different story on its own.” This may not how you see people, but this is how I see it: You’re either born with a silver, gold, or rusty spoon in your mouth. Rusty for poor, silver for middle, and gold for high-class. And depending how you taught and raised, you either become a spoiled brat, or a humble, good-natured kinda guy.

“Interesting.” Celestia seems to think that over before moving on. “Well, with that over and done with, what are you here for?” Ah, yes,what I came here for.

“I just wanted to know if you can send me back to Earth for a while.” Both sisters raise their brows at me.

“May I ask what for?” Celestia asks.

“I just want to visit, see what’s changed, if anything has. And maybe bring some fancy technology from there.” At that last part Luna gives me an excited look. Man, she really loves technology. “If you want, I can bring something for both of you.”

“Hmmm…” Celestia put a hoof to her chin. “Alright,” Yes! “but,” Fuck! “you have to bring me and my sister your people’s best examples of human technology. In fact, I herby order you to do so, is that understood?” She smiles.

“Yes ma’am.” I salute, but then break down in laughter, soon Celestia and Luna join in. “I’ll bring something for the both of you.”

“Very well, here.” A scroll pops into existence, I catch it before it hits the floor. “This will bring you back here with anything you may have in your magic, be sure you have all what you need and what I asked. Do you understand?” I nod. “Good, now off you go!” She says in a cheery voice before everything goes white.

*Did… did she just teleport me?*

~It appears so. I sense a magic signature of a teleportation spell.~

*But how!?*

~I don’t how she cast a spell without turning you into a slime, but I suspect that she somehow knows how to successfully cast spells without any side effect.~ The white dissipates with a loud ‘pop’ and the image of my apartment fills my view. Then, all of a sudden, without a fucking warning, my stomach lurched.

*BLAAAAAARGH* Ooooh this is going to be another one of those long days.