Author's Notes:

Apologies if the chapter title is a bit misleading.

Twilight lead me with Cadence, Shining and Chrysi in tow to the marketplace, to a store the specialized in custom furniture. The place kind looked like old century blacksmith, except for wood furnishings. The wood-brown unicorn who ran the place seemed to be a little too happy to make me a bed, that smile he maintained was a bit too wide. His name was Carpenter, yes, Carpenter, that is his name. He said to call him Carp for short. All this town needs is a bookstore named Barnes N’ Noble with two ponies running the place named Barnes and Noble.

Anyway, now here we are, the five of us, well, the four of them while I just listen, are talking up a storm while carp does his thing. I was a bit preoccupied with watching Carp perform a number of tasks to make my custom bed from behind the counter. Twi said she can use an enlarging spell for the mattress back at her place so I can have it, it was a bit small when I slept in it...

“Ember?”

“Hmm?” I turn to the ponies.

“Umm... Cadence would like to know if she can ask you something.” Twi said. I turn to the pink winged unicorn.

“What is it?”

“I want to know what it was like when this… war, you talked about, was like.” She said carefully. “I’m curious.”

*As if you ponies need to worry about me talking about the biggest, bloodiest war in human history.* “Alright, I’ll tell you. But on one condition.” All four ponies lean in. “You have to swear on your lives that not another soul is told of what I’m about to tell you. Go it?” They all nod. “Good.” I lean closer to them. “‘Cause if ya don’t.” I let my eyes turn red. “You’ll wish you never did.” I turn my eyes back to their original yellow color as I watch a shiver run down their forms.

“Now. How it felt like being a soldier in the bloodiest war of human history. How can I put it... Ah!” I lower my voice so only Twilight, Cadence, Chrysi and Shining can hear. “Imagine lying in a muddy ditch a forest in the ground for months on end while thousands of rounds of lead and a couple missiles fly above you. Only to get out during momentary cease-fire and likely be shot dead before you can manage a few feet ahead.” I pause. “But then you and a few of your comrades managed to get into a ditch a few meters closer to the enemy while carrying fifty pounds of clothing and weapons. Only suffering a few grazes and non-fatal gunshot wounds. And then realizing over half of your squad was shot dead, blown to bits by land mines, gunfire or worse.” All four of them pale. “Then one of your own comrades get bold and stupid enough to run out of the ditch to try and get a few shots at the enemy. Only for you and the others to watch in horror as you see him literally ripped apart as bullets tear through the poor soul. And all of that lasting for three, fucking, years.” Twilight looks ready to vomit. The others just adopt a mixture of green and white faces. “I’ll tell you more later if ya want. You all look ready to vomit or pass out.” I look back to Carp.

“Looks like he’s finished with my bed!” I try to lighten the mood. It seemed to have worked. I saw that Carp was putting the finishing touches on the bed frame.

“I sure am! Come take a look!” Carp shouts out. I all walk over to him and look at my brand fucking new bed frame. It looks big enough to fit my height.

“I like it. Looks like it’ll hold my size.”

“I guarantee that it’ll be perfect! I’ve even made sturdy enough to take whatever you can throw at it!”

“I’ll take your word for it. How much do ya want for it?” I then proceed to grab the duffel bag full of golden bits off my back. He waves a hoof dismissively.

“First time customers is always free.”

“Really?” He nods. “Awesome.” I grab the bed frame with my magic. “I’ll be back tomorrow to ask for some more stuff. Right now I’m going home.” It was getting pretty late, even for me. *I wonder how they managed to stay up this long.*

“Alright see ya tomorrow then!” I wave to him behind me.

“Hey Twilight, is it possible to teleport with this?”

“Yes, but it takes,” a massive yawn escapes her lips. “a lot of magic.”

“Good. See ya tomorrow.” I then teleport me and my bed to my new home. *The mattress…* I forgot to ask twi about the mattress. *Eh, I’ll do a couple teleports and get the damn thing.* I teleport to Twilight’s basement, grab the bed nonchalantly in my magic, and teleport back home. *Is it possible if I can enlarge it myself?* The amulet responds with a positive pulse. *Perfect, but how do it?* The amulet didn’t respond so I think up of ways to make this mattress larger. Then I get an idea, I set the mattress on the bed frame, grab a corner of the mattress, and pull. And to my surprise, the fucking thing got bigger. It was just as easy expanding a picture on a fucking tablet! I immediately jump onto the bed and pass out, I have one final thought before my eyes close. *I could’ve spawned this shit in...*

I loud crash comes from above as it wakes me the fuck up. Me being the guy that I am, I jump out of bed and quietly make my way up stairs, hand-claws at the ready and listening for more noises. I assume Chrysi already got here a while ago, if she chose to live with me.

“Remember what we’re for: Find this thing and kill it. Spread out.” I hear a male voice whisper.

“Got it.” Another responds. A few seconds of silence and a light shines in from under my door. I quickly hid under my bed as the door opened. The light was fucking bright, but my eyes quickly adjusted and I can make out a pony behind the light. It’s a unicorn. The magic claws dissipate from my hands.

*They have a light-source?*

“That’s a big bed.” The pony remarks. I teleport so that I’m standing right behind the fucker. Before I say anything I let my eyes turn red.

*Can you make my eyes glow red too?* I feel a rush of magic flow to my eyes and the pony’s back tints the faintest of reds. *Awesome.* “Yup pretty big.” I scare the living shit out this pony, making him jump to my height and turn around.

“Who-!” His breath stops at his throat and the light emanating from his horn dies as his eyes stare at my crotch. It was fukcing awkward.

“Up here.” He slowly looks up, his face grows more horrified and his irises shrink to pinpricks when he locks eyes with mine. “The hell are you doing in my house?” He shakes his head and his eye return to normal. His horn glows a light yellow. Taking the sign I make a quick step back. I watch as a knife flies out of the pony’s side, and shoots directly at me. Seeing as my life is in danger. I create a shield around me just in time to block the knife from stabbing. As it clanged to the ground I the shield goes down and I make quick work of the pony. Landing a direct punch to the top of his head, avoiding the horn. Which made him hit his head on the hard floor. Knocking him out. Without a light it’s fucking dark here. *I love night-vision.* I carefully and quietly make my way upstairs.

“Ahh! Help!” A loud crash comes from the main bedroom.

*Chrysi?* Some more crashes and muffled screams sound out. I run to the room as fast as I could and burst in through the door. And see Chrysi in her real form struggling to break free from a grey stallion’s grip, he doesn’t have any wings or a horn. With all the noise they’re making they didn’t notice me come in. I think of what to do and I come up with an idea. *Time for some magic!* I get way too excited to use my magic.

I spot the stallion’s tail and grab it with my magic, with them still unaware of my presence Iift him into the air and fling him into the wall with a single motion of my hand. Almost hard enough to make a pony-shaped hole in it. The resulting body went limp on the ground, I walk over to it and nudge it with a talon. He’s not moving, but still breathing.

“Fucking burglars.” I turn to Chrysi. “You ok?” She weakly nods.

“Yes, I’m ok.” I decide not to question her about why she decided to live here. She has no other place so...

“Good.” I turn to the barely conscious pony. “‘Cause when they wake up, they’re gonna have to answer some questions .”

“They?”

“Another one attacked me in my room.”

“Oh.” I pick up the barely conscious pony and take him to my room.

“Come on if you want to interrogate them with me.”

“Ok.” She steps into pace with me as we make our way to my room. I put the stallion next to the other and turn on the only lightbulb in this room.

“Hey Chrysi.”

“Yeah?”

“Remember when I gave you that bed?” She nods. “I think I may have created it there.”

“What?”

“I think I created that bed out of thin air.” Her eyes turn into grey saucers. That look only lasted a second before she recomposed herself.

“What makes you think that?”

“I didn’t teleport it from some other place.” At that her eyes widen again, but it lasts much longer until she shakes her head.

“Where are you going with this?” She looks to me curiously, I smile widely.

“If I can spawn a bed out of thin air, then that means I can spawn in whatever I want!” I feel a negative pulse run through me. “Maybe.” *Can you create two chairs and some rope? With one chair my size and one her size?* I get two chairs and a pile of rope as a response. *I know I’ve already said this, but I fucking love you and magic!* “Perfect.” I set the two chairs next to each other so they face the two knocked-out ponies. “Take a seat please.” I motion for Chrysi t take one, she does so while I use my magic to prop up the two ponies, I then grab the rope and tie it around them. I make sure to tie it so that their front limbs are tied up too. I spot the knife nearby on the floor and pick it up, it looks more like a curved dagger now that I have a good look at it.

“What’s that?”

“I think it’s a dagger.”

“Dagger?”

“It’s like a small sword.” She gasps. “And this fucker tried to kill me with this.”

“Mmmmugh…”

“And I think they’re waking up.” I walk to a far edge of the room where the light doesn’t reach me. Kinda hard to do since I can see in the dark.

“What are you doing?”

“This is for intimidation. They really haven’t seen me yet so it would scare them a little when I walk into view.” She looks at me with a raised eyebrow, if she has any as a changeling.

“Kind of makes sense.” She turns back the two ponies as they wake up. “You should probably put something on his horn so he can’t use magic.”

“Like what?”

“An iron ring should do it.” A second later and a ring appears at the base of the brown one’s horn.

“Ugh. Where am I?” The brown one tries to move.”Why am I tied up?” His face scrunches up in concentration. “And why can’t I use my magic.”

“Probably because you’re stupid.” The grey one spoke up. “Or probably because we got knocked out.”

“Would you two shut up?” Chrysi demanded. The two stallions look to the changeling.

“A changeling!? We were supposed to kill that thing!?”

“No you idiot. It’s not it.”

“Can you stop calling me thing or it? I do have a gender! I’m a girl!”

“Shut up! We don’t listen to changelings.” Brownie shouts, Chrysi jumps off her chair and goes right up to the brown one.

“Shut the buck up!” The brown flinches in disgust.

“You don’t scare us.” The grey one nods in agreement. I tap a claw on the floor, the clicking sound echoed shortly within the room.

“What was that?” Grey asks. Chrysi walks back to her chair, smiling at me.

“It’s not me you have to be scared of.” She says once she sits down again. “It’s him.” Browny’s eyes widen.

“Who’s ‘him’?”

“My name is Ember.” The tied up ponies freeze as I walk out of the shadows, with my hands behind me, and take my seat, while carrying the dagger. “And from what you said earlier, you were supposed to have killed me.” I toss the dagger in the air. “Amazing how the tables can turn so quickly, isn’t it?” Grey goes into a wide-eyed stupor while Brown recomposes himself.

“What are you?” He asks while having a mystified look.

“What I am is not important. Right now I want some answers from you two.” Brown gets really defensive.

“We won’t tell you anything!”

“Oh, you will. ‘Cause if ya don’t,” With my magic, the dagger shoots at Brown, stopping right in front of his nose. “the floor will be covered in your blood.” He gulps loudly.

“R-really?” I get up from my chair and walk to him, I squat down and take the dagger back in my hand.

“Do I look like I’m jooking?” I ask as I slowly glide the dagger across the left side of him face. Letting a trail of crimson blood drip off his face. He flinches as the blade glides across his face. I then turn it towards his eye and he nearly panicked. I look over to the grey one and he just sairs in shock.

“Alright! Alright, we’ll talk.” I take the blade off of his face.

“Good.” I stand back up and walk back to my chair. Chrysi stairs at me in shock.

“I didn’t think you were going to that...” I give her a look saying, ‘Are you shitting me?’, her cheeks tinted red for a second and looked down. “Sorry. Forgot about what you’ve done...” I reach a hand over and scratch her behind an ear. A smile quickly forms on her face.

“Don’t worry about it.” I remove my hand and look back to dumb and dumber. “Now back to you two. Who sent you?”

“We were hired by a stallion.”

“What’s his name?” *I swear to fucking god if it’s that prick Blueblood…*

“He never told us his name.”

“What did he look like?”

“He’s a unicorn with blue eyes and a white coat and has a dirty blond mane and tail. He has a star cutie mark.” I can feel my whole body heat up.

*I knew it. I FUCKNG knew it!* “Blueblood...”

“Is it me, or is it getting a little warm in here?” Chrysi asks no one in particular.

“Nevermind that.” The rope binding the two ponies dissipates as I get up from my chair. “You two go back to wherever you came from. You’re no use to me now.”

“But we don’t get or pay unless we kill you.” I look to them with a scowl.

*Give them a bar of gold each.* Two bars of gold appear in front of them. “There.” Then I remember something. “Hold it.” They both freeze in their tracks. “I still need you two.”

“And why is that?” Brown asks.

“You two are my evidence to prove Blueblood wants me dead. Therefore I need you two to come with me to Canterlot. And no you’re not gonna get arrested or anything like that.”

“Why are you not having them arrested!?” Chrysi shouts.

“They don’t want me dead just for the fuck of it. They were paid to kill me. Which means Blueblood wants me dead just for the fuck of it. Or maybe because I embarrassed him in front of Celestia.”

“Really?” All three ask at the same time.

“Yes, really. Anyway,” I look to Chrysi. “I need you stay here and tell anyone that I’m at Canterlot to speak with Celestia. Ok?” The bug-pony does the pony equivalent of a soldier's salute. “Good. Lets go.” I wave a hand at the two ponies as I grab the duffel bag full of gold coins and walk up the stairs and out my house. The sun is just above the horizon. *It’s too early for this shit. I’m so taking a nap when I get back home.*

“So… with all of… that behind us, what are you?” Grey spoke up.

“I’m a physically altered human.”

“‘Physically altered’?”

“Back on my planet humans have highly-advanced technology that allows us to change our appearance.” I contemplate how we’re gonna get to Canterlot. *Is it possible to teleport more than one living being at a time?* The amulet responds with a positive pulse. I have no clue how I can tell how it responds the way it does, I can just tell the differences. *Good.* “Have any of you ever teleported before?” They both shake their heads. “Well today’s your lucky day.” I close my eyes and recreate the image of Celestia’s and Luna’s throne room, while I cover the two ponies in my magic. When I hear a loud popping sound I open my eyes.

“Ember?” It worked, it fucking worked. I successfully teleported me, Grey and Brown to The princess's’ throne room, right at the bottom of her throne no less!. “What are you doing here? And who are these two?” Oh yeah, she asked me a question.

“Well, to answer your questions. I’ve reason to believe that Blueblood has hired these two to assassinate me.” She raises and eyebrow and looks to them.

“Is this true? Did my nephew pay you two assassinate Ember here?” Brown decided to speak first. After waiting for what felt like forever.

“Yes, your highness. It’s true.”

“Hmm… Guards!” Two ponies clad on golden-yellow armor show up out of nowhere. “Tell Prince Blueblood to come to me as soon as possible.” They both solute and walk off. “As for you two.” She directs her attention back to the two ponies. “What do you think should happen to them?” She looks straight to me.

“Let them go.” The two ponies beside me turn to me with a surprised expression.

“Really!?” I look to them.

“It’s not you that I have problems with. It’s who hired you that I’m after.” I put a hand to my chin. “If fact, you two are the most innocent out of all of this. I’m not even sure what you do is even legal. Is it?” I ask Celestia.

“Yes, but only under certain circumstances.”

“Like?”

“If I see somepony as a threat to my loyal subjects, or if my little ponies,”

*There’s that fucking phrase again! Why does it sound familiar?*

“See them as a menace to our society, then either I or my subjects can perform such an act.” I go quiet for a second.

“Makes sense.” Just then I hear the huge doors behind me open loudly.

“What is it Aunty Celestia?” The royal prick made it, I wonder what Celestia’s going to do. I turn and watch as the fucker freeze in place as his eyes grow in size.

“Good morning to you too nephew.” Celestia steps off her throne and stops next to me. “I’ve received word that you may be responsible in hiring these two,” She points her head to the two ponies next to me. “to assassinate Ember. Isn’t that silly?” I’m loving how she’s dealing with this, as the smile on her faces suggest she’s enjoying this. I know I am. “So I called you here so I can be sure that this is all a lie. Care to clear your name?” Blueblood stood there as all of what Celestia said sinks into that thick skull of his.

“Uh… O-of course it is!” He clears his throat. “I-i’ve never seen those two in my life!” He’s almost dancing in place. Celestia and I look at each other unamused, she also lowers her head.

“You may leave Ember, I need to have a little ‘talk’ with my nephew.” Blueblood’s eyes turn to saucers. I can tell some shit’s going down so I leave as soon as possible.

“I bid you two good day.” I say and teleport the fuck outa’ there. Thankfully I’m back in my room of my house and it seems like nothing has happened since I left. “Chrysi!?” I hear some… ‘hoof’ steps from upstairs and the door to my room opens. Revealing Chrysi in her changeling form.

“Hey Ember! When did you get back?”

“Just got back. Did anything happen while I wasn’t here?” I assume nothing happened to her. She nods at my question.

“Yeah, Pinkie came by and told me to tell you to go by Sugarcube Corner as soon as you came back.”

“That it?” She nods again. “Hmm… Kinda weird she would ask me to go there. Does she work there or something? I remember seeing the place from a distance and she said something to that effect...” Chrysi just shrugs. I stand there and think for a minute. “Eh… It’s not like I got anything else better to do, so might as well go.” I walk up the stairs as Chrysi steps out of the way. “Wanna come with?” She nods.

“Why not?” With a flash of grey fire she changes into the same mare from when we were talking with Shining and Cadence. No matter how many times I see her do that I’ll never get used to that. At my blank look she snickers. “Come on.” She gives me a knowing look. What it’s supposed to mean, I have no idea.

“Ok...” I decided to not question her about that, I have a suspicion that there’s a literal surprise waiting for me at this place. *I think it’s a bakery? Yeah, I think Pinkie said something like that last time I spoke with her…* At this point I can only hope for the worst not to happen…

Anyway, I follow Chrysi as she leads me through this town, which is surprisingly empty. This place is usually full of ponies walking around at this time. I put that in the back of my mind for later. Chrysi eventually lead me to this bakery. From what I saw the place looked like a giant gingerbread house, it even looks like I can take a bite out of the side of it. As enticing as it is, I refrain from taking a bite, and walk inside with Chrysi. She somehow disappears into the darkness when she walks inside.

*Wait, darkness? How the fuck am I not able to see inside?* It was barely afternoon, there is clearly enough light to see inside the place through the windows. I guess I was right about being suspicious earlier. I pause look at the windows for a second, and I just resolve to walk inside. As soon as I walk inside the inside becomes semi-lit. I can see it looks like a brightly colored bakery: display cases across the back of the room, a long menu hanging above the cases. And the rest of the room filled with tables and chairs. I stop a few feet ahead of the main doors and look around.

“SURPRISE!!”