"So why do you hang out with Derpy all the time dude?" Brawly said.

"What are you talking about bro?" Flash questioned.

"I mean, you know what's wrong with her right?"

"What? No, Derpy's awesome man, lay off!" Flash huffed.

"Dude, she's has a-"

"Hold on," Flash held up a hand. "My wizard powers are activating."

A fire zoomed up towards Flash and shot out a scroll in his face. Clearing his throat, Flash unrolled the scroll and started reading out loud.

Dear Stranger,

I am actually an orphan. This is a secret I've been keeping from all my friends. Whenever I see Applejack or Rarity hanging out with their siblings I can't help but feel terrible. I was secretly so happy to have Scootaloo ask me to be her honorary big sister. It's the little awesome things in life that pull you through.

"Huh, well this is sad but it's not like she's crazy or anything." Beats noted.

Is it bad that I'm killing all my friend's parents out of jealousy?

"Woah- woah- woah- what?!?"

The accident that killed Applejack's parents wasn't an accident. It's awesome how easy you can get your hooves on soda. Fluttershy doesn't talk about her parents for a reason. Let's just say my third sonic rainboom was more like a sonic raindoom. I hope Pinkie isn't planning on visiting her rock farm anytime soon, because-

"Hey Flash!" Rainbow called out. "I know we don't talk often, but do you wanna hang out sometime? I heard you like-"

"YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Flash yelled. "YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO COME WITHIN TEN FEET OF ME, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!? NO, JUST NO!"

"What's wrong?!? I-"

"NO! OKAY?!? NO! I WILL GET A RESTRAINING ORDER IF I HAVE TO! STAY AWAY!" Flash Sentry slowly backed out of the room. "FAR, FAR AWAY!"