Author's Notes:

I don't... I don't know where to even begin. I mean, I've written some shit before. But this is some -shit-. I hope you aren't eating anything.

This Lyler story is inspired by Rainbow's Problem, a story by Swift Monkey and takes place in an Equestria Girl's universe.

I'm actually kinda sorry for this. Like, 30% sorry.

BE ANON. CHILLIN THE FUCK OUT AT CANTERLOT HIGH. LIKE A MUTHA FUCKIN BOSS. DECIDE ITS TIME FOR SOME FUCKING LUNCH. GO TO THE CAFETERIA. GET SOME SHIT. IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE SHIT. THE FOOD THAT GRANNY SMITH HAS SERVED TO YOU LOOKS LIKE SHIT AND SHE CALLED IT SHEPARDS PIE.

YOU SIT THE FUCK DOWN. DRINK THAT FUCKING CHOCOLATE MILK. LYLER SITS DOWN AT YOUR TABLE AND SHE LOOKS SAD I GUESS. DON'T GIVE A FUCK CAUSE YOU HAVE A BROWNIE, BITCH. SHE CASTS IDLE GLANCES AT YOU, BECAUSE LYLER IS SHALLOW AS FUCK AND EXPECTS YOU TO ASK HER WHATS WRONG.

WHY SHE DOES THIS INSTEAD OF JUST COMING OUT WITH HER PROBLEM IS BEYOND YOU. WOMEN ARE FUCKING BITCHES, MAN. WELL YOU WON'T HAVE NONE OF THAT. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THIS. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS NOT SAY ANYTHING.

"Hey, Lyler. What's wrong?"

FUCK YOU WRITER. THIS IS MY STORY.

I dunno man, I think I can help you out.

FUCK YOUR FUCKING SHIT. I GOT THIS

Kay.

SO SHE LOOKS UP AT ME WITH HER WHINEY ASS FACE

AND SHE STARTS CRYING ABOUT-

Dude, would you mind if I wrote Lyler's Dialogue?

FINE. I HATE THAT DUMB BITCH ANYWAY.

"Oh Anon! It's just dreadful... I-I have a serious problem... and I don't know who to go to for help..."

HA. HER PAIN IS FUCKING AWESOME. SHE SITS UNCOMFORTABLY IN HER SEAT, TRYING NOT TO CRY.

You know what, fuck this.

DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU-

Just shut the fuck up.

HEY MAN, DON'T PULL THAT TRIGG-

There. Now it's just you and me, reader. Okay? Okay.

Lyler sits across from you at the lunch table and you set your lunch aside. Clearly she is in some sort of distress, the way she sits leaned over the table, looking around the room. It's almost as if she's worried she's being watched.

"Well we're friends, Lyler. I'd do anything to help you out. What's on your mind?" you ask the pale high school girl.

She shifts and cringes in her seat.

"CAN YOU HELP ME?"

You cast her an odd glance, but she looks up at you as if she were pleading for mercy. She's begging you, Anon. You feel your rod stiffening in your pants.

"Yeah. Sure. Just name it."

A smile curls on her face as she places a hand on your arm.

"FOLLOW MY BUTT," she smiles weakly.

Your mind goes blank for a moment. Is this happening?

She pulls you through the halls of your high school as you continually glance around for any sign of someone watching. Yet, there is nobody around. This is happening.

Maybe Lyler has an itch... that only you can scratch. A smile curls on your face.

Oh shit. This is it. This is how you lose your virginity.

To the girl that has continually friendzoned you time after time after time after time again. Today, you become a man. Lyler takes another glance behind you and her as she approaches a nearby broom closet.

"HUR!"

Quickly, she stuffs you inside and she follows in behind you. She places her back against the door and quickly locks it by pushing the exposed button. You'd really love to push some of her buttons right about now, if you catch my drift. She sighs and slides down the door.

"ANERN, I KNOW IM NOT VERY SMERT," she begins to say.

You nod like an idiot about to get the pussy. Oh wait.

"IF YOU DO DIS, I GIVE YOU DATE" she says.

You give her a stern look.

"AND A RIMJOB."

Goddamn, maybe I should get the other guy back. Anyway. Her light blue blouse hugs her torso tightly, accentuating all of her most delicate features. Your eyes naturally travel down to her purple skirt.

"I NEEED A POP."

Oh, you're gunna pop all over her, if you- Wait. What?

"I CANT REAAACH IT. GET IT." she asks pleadingly.

You look at her with a dead stare.

"Pop... what?"

She pushes her fingers together and looks away from you.

"YOU SEE."

Well. Shit. How bad could it be?

You get a date with your crush if you do this one little thing for her.

"Okay, sure. Anything for you, Lyler."

Lyler smiles and sighs.

"THANKS ANERN"

Lyler sits up on all fours and quickly turns her rear to you.

"It's back there... It's really embarrassing... so... could you do your best to make it quick? And it will be easier on the both of us."

HEY I'M BACK NOW.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

DUDE! THIS IS THE PART!

Shut up and let me do this.

OKAY

"Uhm... alright."

You get on your knees beside Lyler and try to think to yourself what she could possibly mean. Backs are hard to reach. It must be that.

You grab the bottom of her blouse and gently untuck it. As you pull the shirt back, you reveal several large, red, inflamed acne mountains. While acne is no stranger to you, you shudder at the sheer size of the molehills. With a sigh, you massage the skin around the massive pimples until the white mucus erupts out of her skin.

"There. How's that?" you ask.

"LOWWWWWERRR"

"L-lower?" you ask.

"YAS," she asks, visibly in pain.

You sigh and shake your head. Fine.

If this is what it takes to get a girl... then you will have to. You reposition yourself behind Lyler and slip your fingers into the band of her skirt and gently pull it down. Only then, do you see the molehills by the dozens, forming a strict mountain range on the rear of the pale cheerleader. Accentuated by tight purple panties.

Umf.

You look over the the mountain range and try to see through the distractions to the view underneath. It's unsuccessful, as you try your best to keep your composure.

"Hurry it up already!" she whispers impatiently.

With a sigh, you go to work, popping every piece of assne that you can find. Some of them begin to bleed and Lyler begins to wince at your very touch. Wiping all of the white pus and solid heads on your pants, you would think that you used your pants as a cum rag.

OH MY GOD IM SO HARD RIGHT NOW

"Is that better?" you ask.

"WRONG PLACE"

That's when it dawns on you. Oh shit. You are going to see a vagina.

Don't pussy out, Anon. You can't be a cunt. This is the ultimate testes of will. Penis.

Hooking your thumbs under her panties, you gently pull down.

JESUS CHRIST IT'S MOUNT VESUVIUS.

I was going to... Ugh.

As you pull down her underwear, her tender bottom is revealed to you. However, right in the center of the right cheek lies the monster it self. It was at least the size of a quarter, with a dime sized head. Stopping the descent of her underwear, as a respect for her decency, you focus your attention to not gagging.

Okay, Anon. You can do this.

POP THAT MOTHA FUCKA.

Well, while you are here. You place your hands on the bumpy ass of Lyler and begin to massage.

"WAT YOU DOIN?"

"J-just trust me."

Lyler gently moans as the blood from the previously popped pimples puss down to her privates. The movement of your fingers on her ass pop more and more little hills that line her bottom. Mount Saint Helens lies in between your forefinger and your middle finger. Gently, you tighten your grip, pushing pressure on the mountain.

Yet, the over sized boil fails to yield. Realigning your grip lower, you focus the tips of your fingers between the massive mountain. You squeeze as hard as you can, and Lyler grunts in pain, yet the hill remains still. Come on Anon, you have a girl's ass with a pimple on it directly in front of you, and a date with her rides on you popping it.

You aren't sure what sort of mistake you've made in your life to put you in this position... but you have to think critically to get out of it. Think.

Looking around the room, you find a cork poster board beside you. On it, is several clear push-pins. Perfect.

Unpinning one of the poster holders, you carefully alight the metal tip with the tip of the white head.

"This is going to hurt for just a second... okay?"

Lyler nods and holds her breath. You push the pin in gently, yet the skin doesn't give. Pushing a little harder, you find the skin begin to cave around the sharp metal tip, but her pale white ass is just too strong.

Fuck it.

Pushing deeper, the pin pushes through. All the way.

Lyler gasps in pain as you pull it out quickly, panicking. White acne flows from the mountain and down her asscrack. Pushing on the area around the hill promotes the flow as the mountain becomes visibly smaller. You sigh in relief, knowing your task is over, and the worst is behind you now.

"THANKS ANERN BUT NOT IT."

Your gut drops.

"I thought it would be self explanatory... but I guess I have to spell it out for you.

She hooks her thumbs around her panties and rips her underwear down. What got to you first was the smell, as you nearly reeled back in repulsion. A thin white string hangs out of the hole where pee-pees go. Her cunt is heavily crusted in what seems like a combination of sweat, blood, urine and her own fluids. Her sex glistens in the pale yellow light from the janitors closet. Did... did all of this turn her on? She pulls on the small white string and a red stained badminton birdie of cotton exits her vagina.

"INSIDE," Lyler gasps.

That's fucking it.

I'm done.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

This has gotten way too weird.

YOU CAN'T FINISH NOW, I'M ABOUT TO BURST.

That's fucking gross. No, I'm leaving, finish the story yourself.

OKAY. YOU TAKE YOUR MASSIVE DICK OUT OF YOUR PANTS.

"I GOT JUST THE SHIT TO POP IT, LYLER."

SHE BLUSHES AND SWOONS AT THE SIGHT OF YOUR BIG DICK. YOU TAKE YOUR MASSIVE COCK AND SHOVE IT INTO HER BLEEDING, LEAKING HONEYPOT. GETTING NO MORE THAN TWO INCHES IN, YOU FEEL THE MASSIVE BUMP RUB AGAINST YOUR ROD.

"IT'S TIME TO TAKE IT AROUND TOWN."

PUSHING YOURSELF DEEP INSIDE, YOU FEEL THE MOUNTAIN GIVE AWAY AND Lyler SQUEALS LIKE THE PIG SHE IS.

"NAILED IT. NOW IS THERE ANYTHING -ELSE- I CAN HELP YOU WITH?" YOU ASK.

"Well, I'm sure you can help me with my alge-"

"NOPE, SEX TIME."

And then they fucked. Anon went on to go on a date with Lyler and realized she is actually a really fucked up person. This was a massive turn on for Anon, so they both made Fetlife profiles and decided to go around town fucking everything they could find. Every -thing.-

Lyler went on to continue to be the popular slut at school and win prom queen three times. She later decided to go to college for a degree in gender studies, but was told to check her privilege too many times for being a white, middle-class girl in a world full of pastel colored individuals. Mount Lyler-suvius went on to become infected and required antibiotics.

Anon's massive dick got herpes, because seriously, a pimple on the inside of a vagina? Come on, Anon. Use your goddamn head. Not the penis kind. And everyone lived happily ever after. With herpes.