You wake up in the dark of the night with the cool evening air brushing against your skin. Your head pulsates as you rise to your feet. What happened? You look around to try and get your bearings. It looks like a clear night in the middle of Ponyville, but what were you doing here? All you remember was walking home from a handyman job and then...

Then, just out of the corner of your eye, a shadow moves swiftly through the air. Immediately you look around and guard yourself. Your inner 'fight or flight' activates as your mind races for information.

The shadow moves from rooftop to rooftop with blinding speed. Whatever this thing is, you can't face it head on. It looks like there is a forest about a mile to the west. Flight it is. You slowly shuffle to the forest, refusing to turn your back to the flying beast.

It's stops on top of a house and stares down at you with red piercing eyes. A shiver runs down your spine. The forest is too far. Looking around, you try to find a friend's house for refuge. Slowly, you back away from the beast. The creature leaps into the air and spreads it's massive wings in the light of the moon. Massive bat wings. On what looks like a mare's body. She swoops down through the air and lands six feet in front of you. Sweat slowly drips down the side of your face as you freeze in terror. The bright moonlight illuminates the features of the mare.

You quickly assess the qualities of your persuer. Long Pink hair. Yellow fur. Butterflies on the butt.

Wait just a minute, it's just Fluttershy. Immediately you exhale and chuckle to yourself. Fluttershy wasn't dangerous. She was just crazy! Well, her human fetish drove her crazy anyway. Every morning, she would come to your home and would try to figure out what you were into. She said she learned it from one of those Cos-mare-politan magazines that Rarity lent her. She's probably just looking for another crazy fetish attempt to win your heart.

Ain't that cute, but it's wrong.

"Jeez, Fluttershy. You really had me going there for a second." She hisses at you loudly and you take a step backward. You back slowly away from the beast in front of you. "Woah... uh.. are you okay girl?" Maybe you really upset her.

"I'm... soo.. hungry, Anon." She walks towards you and you quicken your pace.

"Well maybe we can grab you some food... uh. Pinkie would probably open up Sugarcube for a snack if we asked... hehe," you say in a panic, looking for a way out of your situation. You didn't like where this was going. Fluttershy was so kind and gentle... and now...

"No, Anon." She continues to move forward towards you, licking her lips and eyes bearing down at you. "I'm hungry... for you!~"

She leaps into the air towards you. You jump to the side and take an all out sprint towards Lyra's house. The yellow demon's wings flap loudly through the air behind you. The door is just a few feet away. Charging shoulder first, you smash the door open and close it behind you, hearing a loud thump slam into the door.

"Open the Doooor Anon~”

"Fuck off," you yell back proudly.

"Pretty pleease Anon? I'll make it worth your whiile..." she coos back at you.

"How about 'no'? Yeah, I'm going to go with 'No'." You quickly barricade the door and run upstairs.

"LYRA! LYRA!" You open up the door to Lyra's room and find it empty. Oh great. Now what?

"AAAANNNEEEERRRRNNNNN!" Instantly you are forced to the ground by the force of a 60lb horse.

"Lyler. Get off me. I have way bigger issues to deal with right now." You groan at your rotten luck. Now you have to deal with this crazy mare too. "Where is your sister?"

"SHES SLEEPENG WITH BERNBERN!"

"Ugh. Alright. Fine." You don't have time for this bullshit. Time Turner's place isn't too far from here. If you sneak out the front- But wait, her senitive ears will hear you. Maybe if you can trick the bat into going to the wrong exit...

"Lyler. There is candy in Lyra's bathroom cabinet,” you say, trying anything to get her away form you.

"CANDY!" she screams, running to the bathroom.

With the speed of 10 kenyans, Lyra speeds off to the bathroom. You tip toe downstairs to avoid any distractions from Lyler. Edging your way to the back door, you turn the handle slowly, then slam it with all your might. A loud hiss rings out from the front and you sprint to the front door, hoping for a successful distraction. Running out the front door, you see the yellow beast fly to the backyard. YES!

Time Turner's place is right-OOMPH

"DAT WASNT CANDY. IT WAS BIRF CUNTROL!” Lyler yells at you, as she pins you down and stares at you angrily.

"Mama's Coming, Anon!" The Flutterbat calls to you after Lyler has given away your position.

"FUCK!" You try to push Lyler off of you, but she punches you in the nose and you begin to bleed. "LET ME GO!"

"SEY SURRY!" she yells at the top of her lungs.

"IM SORRY! JESUS CHRIST, GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" you scream for your life

"alright, ok." Lyler replies and steps off of you. Immediately, you turn and run into the house, slamming the door behind you.

"DAT WUZ CLOZ" Lyler yells, mysically next to you.

"What? How?" How does this horse even work? Actually, nevermind. Priorities. You run upstairs and kick open Time Turner's bedroom door.

"Turner I need a -OH GOD!" Time Turner and Derpy Look at you in shock as she is pegging him.

"Uh. One minute please?" he replies to you. You step outside and try to figure out how to even remotely handle this situation properly. Slowly, ge comes out into the hall.

"What do you want?” he asks in irritation.

"Being chased by a demon horse. I need a flashlight," you respond without even looking at him.

"Kitchen. Second drawer on the right,” he answers flatly.

"Thanks. uh. go back to... that,” you say, walking away.

"Will do,” answers, returning to his bedroom.

You head downstairs and Lyler is sniffing the door handle. After staring at her for a moment, you shake your head and head into the kitchen, where there appears to be the remains of a romantic dinner. You find the drawer and grab the flashlight.

You go to raise your hands due to the item you've just found. However, you forgot that pony houses are small. You smash your hands right through the ceiling.

“Shit,” you mutter awkwardly as you pull your bruised hands out of the drywall.

Well, now at least you can disorient Flutterbat. You carefully examine the device and try to turn it on. With a click of it's button, it remains dark. You rattle the device and slap it a few times in hopes that physical abuse will teach it to learn it's lesson, however it's a flashlight. Flashlights don't react well to punishment conditioning.

Which now leaves you back at square one. You could try to go back upstairs to bother Time Turner...

On the other hand. No.

Instead, you have to find something so that you may defeat her in mortal kombat. First, you must secure a weapon. Heading back into the living room, Lyler is hitting the door with her face in response to each knock that Flutterbat makes.

"Goddamnit, Lyler-” you yell at her at your wits end, but she harshly cuts you off.

"MY FACE FEELS FUNNY!"

" Fucking stop!" you scream at her.

"NO U!" She screams in anger. She hits the even harder and falls over, knocked out. Well, that solved that problem. Now you just need to find a weapon. You swiftly run through the house in an attempt to find something to fight a vampire with. Suddenly the answer is directly in front of you. You have the strongest weapon of all. The power of confusion. Lyler the Vampony Smasher.

Grabbing her back hooves, she instantly straightens out like a massive baseball bat. No. Like a MIGHTY WARHAMMER.

Before you open up the door, you give yourself a pep talk. One that boosts your confidence and raises your spirits. You remember the words of your older brother from when you were on earth.

"Don't Die."

Busting through the door, you prepare for your epic war cry, but Lyler snaps back to reality and beats you to the cut.

“CHOOOCOLATEEEE!” she screams. A loud hiss fills the air in response to Lyler's cry.

The Flutterbat lands in front of you and charges. You swing your war horse back and prepare for a hard strike on the vampire. Her sharp teeth are bared and her eyes glisten with bloodlust. Swinging the pony with all your might, you make a direct hit on the bathorse.

"WHEEEEEEE" screams Lyler as her skull collides with the body of the Flutterbat. The assailant swoops into the air and aims to come at you head on. Her body zooms towards you with incredible speed as you leap for safety just in time.

“Shit, she's fast,” you gasp for breath. The batpony wraps around and turns back towards you and zooms towards you. Quickly, you roll out of her path and into saftey.

“Mama just wants to show you some loove, Anon!~” Fluttershy screeches as she swoops past you again. Sweat forms on your forehead and you are quickly running out of breath.

“I can't keep this up all day...” you gasp.

“IT'S BED TIME!” Lyler yells. With a groan, you watch as the bat turns around for another strike.

"Alright, here's the plan. I want you to headbutt her, Lyler."

"OKAAAAY"

You swing the mint green pony around in the air like a lasso and toss her at the yellow winged menace. She spins around in the air and lines her ass up with Fluttershy's face. Before the red eyed batpony can stop her head is forced into Lyler's butt.

"AMAZING WIN!" the green horse screams.

The ponycentipede falls to the ground and it's yellow half squirms in pain. Lyler simply smiles. You walk up to her with equal parts disappointment and shock.

"I wanted you to knock her unconscious, not scar her for life," you scold her.

"CAN I SUCK YOUR PEEPEE?" You stare at her for another moment.

"You know what? I've had enough of this for one night. Nevermind. I don't want to know. I'm going home." You swiftly turn on the spot and nope the fuck out of there. Marching home, you watch the slowly arise on the horizon. And so once again, the day has been saved. All thanks to fucking Lyler.

Author's Notes:

References. The story. How many references can you find?