Author's Notes:

Kindly given by CrunchyBigFist while I've been dead to the world.

You wake up in a cold sweat as the sounds of morning come streaming through your bedroom window. The dream you were having is quickly fading, but you have lingering mistrust of cheese graters and a certain mint-green ponut.

Now that your day was already at a wonderful start, you rise out of bed slowly and make your ways downstairs into the kitchen to brew that godly black concoction that makes this fucky cartoon-horse world halfway bearable.

Placing the pot on the stove and adding the instant coffee, you amble over and sit down at your table and wait for it to heat up.

You allow your mind to wander to what you're going to eat, deciding that for once you don't want a cold breakfast.

“Fuck it, I haven’t had eggs in a while.” you mumble.

Stumbling back over to the stove you grab a mug and proceed to down a helping of the good stuff. You then make your way over to your fridge and discover you don't have eggs. You’re going to have to go into town and socialize with the horses.

Sighing, You head up stairs for the good old Triple S. Finishing up your daily routine you get dressed and head towards the door, and opening it you see a familiar green unicorn blur galloping full tilt towards the entrance. Shit, was she waiting for you? You weren't supposed to watch her today, she must have escaped Lyra's watch.

“ANNNNNNNNNEEEEERRRRR-!”

Acting quickly, you slam the door, but that much 'special' unicorn going that fast splinters your door frame and frees the door from both the latch and hinges, which proceeds to slam into your face, breaking your nose. The whole door and pony combo knocks you down and lands on top of you.

Groaning, you try and free yourself from this new wooden prison. You pop your bleeding head up from that edge of the door to see Lyler staring at you in confusion.

“WHY ARE YOU ON GROUD, ANERN?”

“WHAT THE FUCK LYLER, I don't have time for this shit, Get off.” You yell angrily.

“ALREADY DID, MR. BOOMBOOM FEELS GOOD!” she screams.

“THATS NOT WHAT I MEAN.”

“I'm not watching you today. I'm not dealing with your shit, Go home. I have go to the market and get eggs. Why am I telling you any of this? You don't listen anyways.”

Her ears droop but perk back up again at the mention of eggs.

“I HAVE EGGIES, ANERN!”

“From a chicken?“

“YUS, SOME!”

“...well go get me the chicken ones.” you say, trying to get her off you.

“THEY'RE RIGHT HERE”

Wat. She doesn’t own a pair of saddlebags. You know, you've checked. Your nose is still bleeding.

“Where are they?” you ask apprehensively.

She proceeds to turn around on top of the ruined door and show you her ass.

“HERE, MY TUMMY HAS EGGIES”

With dawning horror you look on helplessly as her asshole flexes and a dribble of semi-clear and yellowish-red fluid exits her pucker. You did it, You've found the eggies.

"OH FUCK NO, WAI-” you scream.

Too late, a torrent of shit, blood and broken eggs, pieces of egg shells and all, come roaring out of her horrid ponut engulfing your head and neck. You gag and choke as you feel it rushing up your broken nose flushing your sinuses with the unimaginably putrid mix Your gagging forces your mouth open involuntarily and your oral cavity is also filled the caustic juices of equine terror.

This is it.

This is the end.

This is how you die.

You can see darkness creeping at the edges of your vision as consciousness leaves you. Lyler is still atop you, expelling her bowels.