The Dazzlings Are Insane

by Justice3442

First published 27th of January, 2015

A collection of short stories about the Dazzlings going through their daily lives of annoying each other and pretty much everyone around them.

A collection of short stories about the Dazzlings going through their daily lives of annoying each other and pretty much everyone around them.

Cover art used with permission by the awesome thegreatcat14!

Will be updated as more stories come to me.

Favorite Animals

“So what’s everyone’s favorite animal?” Sonata asked as she looked around the classroom.

“Ooo! Ooo!” Pinkie cried raising her hand. “I like baby alligators!”

“Neat!” Sonata said with a smile. “I like praying mantises because they eat their mates.”

All the boys sitting close to Sonata scooched their desks a few inches away.

Ms. Cheerilee shot Sonata and Pinkie an annoyed look. “Girls! This is world history!”

Sonata nodded “Yeah, but that was boring, so I figured we could talk about something everyone likes!”

Ms. Cheerilee gritted her teeth. “THAT’S NOT HOW CLASS WORKS!”

“I like wolverines,” Aria chimed in. “They’re vicious and can kill prey several times their size.”

All the students sitting close to Aria scooched their desks a few inches away.

“YOU’RE NOT EVEN IN THIS CLASS!” Cheerilee cried. “What are you doing here?!”

“I’m partial to the antechinuses,” Adagio said casually as she examined the back of her hand. “That’s a marsupial that has sex until it gets so exhausted it dies.”

All the boys close to Adagio shifted their desks a few inches closer to her.

Cheerilee gave a defeated sigh as she collapsed into her chair and placed her hands on her face, resting her elbows on her desk. She shook her head. “I should have been a gardener…” she uttered to herself.

Taco Fairy

“Yo, Dagi.” Aria said as she walked through the living room holding a cardboard box by a handle that read ‘TACO PARTY PACK’ on the side in one hand. “I was hungry so I grabbed a box of tacos. You should have a few… You know... Before Sonata gets down here and tries to figure out how much she can stuff in her face and passes out from overstuffing her mouth to the point that she’s suffocating.”

From her seat on a large purple couch, Adagio watched with a skeptical look as Aria walked through the living room into the kitchen. “You were hungry, so you got food and actually brought it back to share?” she called out

“Yeah, it was no big deal.”

Adagio got off the couch and cautiously poked her head into the kitchen. Aria was leaning over a small round table, opening the box.

“What’s the catch?” Adagio asked.

Aria rolled her eyes and let out an annoyed “Ugh…” before looking back at Adagio. “No catch, I just figured bringing back food would be easier than dealing with you two moaning about how I’m selfish and only got food for myself.”

“… I don’t buy it…” Adagio said as she eyed the box and then Aria suspiciously. “You never just do something nice… They’re poisoned, aren’t they?”

Aria sighed as she walked towards the fridge. “You caught me, Adagio. I unwrapped, poisoned, and expertly wrapped up all these tacos because it somehow seemed easier than suffocating you and Sonata in your sleep, lighting your hair on fire after applying a ton of hairspray, or getting you both to die of carbon monoxide poisoning after I convince Sonata to have a crazy, indoor, cheese-burger grilling party,” Aria replied as she opened the fridge.

Adagio frowned. “You’ve given this a lot of thought…”

Aria gave Adagio a dark smirk as she pulled out small bottle marked half full of an orange liquid marked ‘Habanero Hot Sauce’. “Those are just the top three ways I’ve thought about killing you two…” Her grumpy expression returned as she walked back towards the table. “Seriously though, you’re complaining to the point where bringing you food is worse than listening to you and Sonata complain about me just grabbing food for yourself,” Aria said as she pulled out a taco.

“Alright, alright!” Adagio said as she sat at the table and grabbed a taco. “Guess I’ll claim one or two before—”

“OH MY GOSH!” Sonata’s voice called out as she stood in the kitchen doorway, gawking at the box of tacos in disbelief. “IS THAT A TACO HUT TACO PARTY BOX?!”

“—before that happens,” Adagio concluded.

Aria simply rolled her eyes as she grabbed a taco, unwrapped it, and poured a liberal amount of hot sauce on it.

“Did the taco fairy come?!” Sonata asked as she walked up to the box.

Adagio shook her head as she unwrapped her taco. “Aria actually got the box and walked it all the way here from the taco hut, if you can believe it.”

Sonata’s eyes widened as she gasped and stared at Aria, stars practically shining in her eyes. “Aria, you’re the Taco Fairy?”

Aria rolled her eye. “Yeah, whatever you little screwball. If it makes you feel better, I’m the Taco Fairy.”

In a flash, Sonata was next to Aria, one hand around Aria’s waist, the other grasping onto one of Aria’s cheeks. “ … You’re MINE…” Sonata said in a vaguely menacing tone before she slowly ran her tongue over Aria’s free cheek.

Aria gave Sonata a confused, slightly frightened look.

In what seemed like a single swift movement, Adagio placed her taco on the table and raised her phone in front of her, pointing it at the other two girls.

“… I need an adult,” Aria uttered.

A digital sound of a camera shutter ‘click’ was heard from Adagio’s phone. “I’m an adult,” Adagio said. “Well… by several accepted definitions of the word, at least.”

“I need an adult who’s actually going to help me!” Aria cried.

Another ‘click’ came from Adagio’s camera. “Well you’re pretty screwed there.”

Sonata ran her tongue over Aria’s cheek again. “Taco Fairy, your skin is so salty and delicious!”

Author's Notes:

This one was partially inspired by a glorious piece by TheGreatCat14. If you like my Dazzling stories, I highly recommend you check out her art.

Book Report

Sonata lowered the piece of paper in front of her as she smile out at the classroom full of students that gawked at her in disbelief, and one that beamed at her with a huge smile on her face.

“… And that’s the story of how President Business decided not to use the Kragle to freeze everyone and why the whole world celebrates Taco Tuesday every week!”

“Yay!” Pinkie exclaimed as she stood up from her desk and began clapping. “That’s the most ‘wohoo’ worthy history book report I ever heard, ever!”

Sonata bowed. “Thank you, thank you…”

From her desk, Cheerilee sat with her hands covering her face. She slowly lowered them as she scowled at Sonata. “I’m just going to start with pointing out you were supposed to read a book on world history! You literally gave a report on something that had the word ‘Movie’ in the title! ”

“But I put subtitles on!” Sonata protested.

For-realzies-ultra-super-emergency Taco Cache

“I’m soooo hungry!” Sonata moaned as she strolled into the Dazzling’s living room.

“I don’t care,” Aria announced as she lounged on the girl’s purple couch. She held a comic book in front of her face she had folded to hold in one hand.

“But I’m out of emergency tacos!” Sonata whined. “So I’m like… past emergency! This is a for-realzies-ultra-super-emergency taco shortage!”

Aria sighed as she lowered her comic book with enough speed the it whacked against her knee. “Just walk to the Taco Hut, I know you’re an idiot, but I also know you can walk there and back without getting lost!” She raised her comic back in front of her face, adding “unfortunately” under her breath.

“But I’m so hungry!” Sonata cried as she clenched her fists and brought them up to her cheeks. “I might die of starvation on the way there!”

Aria rolled her eyes. “…If only.”

“That’s why I need Adagio!”

“Adagio?” Aria asked as she lowered her comic again. “Why do you need—”

Aria was cut off by the sound of feet stomping loudly all the way down the stairs. Adagio came into view, her open purple bathrobe billowing behind her exposing her lilac lingerie barely which concealed any of her more private parts. She shot Sonata a glare a she made her way into the living room. “DO YOU MIND?!” she cried angrily. “YOUR WHINING IS MAKING IT HARD TO SLEEP.”

Aria glanced at a large clock on the wall that had a sparkling golden-colored frame. “Dagi… it’s two in the afternoon!”

“And I was up late!” Adagio snapped as she walked into the living room. “Geez, you two are so inconsider—”

“YAY!” Sonata cried as she suddenly plunged her hands into Adagio’s vast orange curls. “I’M SAVED!” she announced as she pulled out two wrapped tacos.

Adagio and Aria’s eyes went wide as Sonata happily walked away, unwrapped a taco, and took a bite.

Adagio’s face turned bright red. “I’m… going… to… kill her… so… hard!”

Aria quickly raised her hands in front of her face as she tried to stifle a fit of laughter.

Adagio turned and glared murder at Aria. “AND JUST WHAT IS SO FUNNY?!”

“Forgot taco sauce~!” Sonata sang out as she walked up to Adagio, placed her hand into her hair, and pulled out a bottle of a brownish-red liquid. Sonata quickly did an about face and hummed to herself.

The dam of Aria’s hands broke and laughter poured out of her as she toppled to the floor with a loud ‘thud’. She continued to laugh from the ground.

Adagio grit her teeth and her eyes twitched as she watched Sonata walk away. “GRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

Empty Sink

Sonata hummed happily to herself as she walked into the Dazzling’s kitchen and opened up their chrome refrigerator. She pulled out a cardboard half-gallon carton of chocolate milk and continued to hum as she set it on the small black kitchen table.

It’s going to be a good day… She thought to herself as she opened the top of the carton. She turned and her eyes drifted towards the sink. Her happy smile evaporated in an instant. The sink, depository of all cups, plates, and silverware the Dazzlings used, was empty.

All the cups and plates in the sink are gone! Sonata gasped. Someone broke in and stole all the things we eat and drink out of! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

Sonata took a few calming breaths as she looked over the kitchen.

No… no… don’t panic… Maybe there’s a cup in that… er… that place some people put their cups in…

Sonata walked over to a cupboard and opened it. She hoped that her salvation would be there, but instead nothing but sorrow and emptiness greeted her as she stared into the bare cupboard.

Panic gripped her as she stared at void where she had placed all her hope. A hope that was now gone. Dead and motionless as it drifted through an empty nothingness, as bare as the cupboard was empty.

Sonata opened her mouth. She felt like she might scream.

No, wait! I’ll try the other place some people put their cups in…

Sonata opened the cupboard next to the one she had just opened. It was full of white plates and tall cylindrical glasses.

Sonata let out a high-pitched scream of terror.

A heavy sigh came from the living room. “What is it now?” Aria asked.

“ARIA!” Sonata exclaimed. “SOMEONE STOLE ALL MY SIPPY CUPS!”

“… Sonata, you moron!”

“YOU’RE THE MORON!” Sonata shouted back. “YOU’RE JUST PLAYING YOUR STUPID GAME WHILE I’M DOOMED TO WITHER AWAY AND DIE WITHOUT ANYTHING TO DRINK FROM!”

Aria let out a heavy, annoyed moan as she trudged into the kitchen. “Seriously, calm down! Your stupid baby cups are in the dishwasher! I needed to clean out the sink so I threw them all in there!”

“… We have a dishwasher?” Sonata asked. Her jaw dropped. “You washed the dishes?!” she added in disbelief.

“I had to! The goat kept on trying to eat the plastic cups in the sink!”

“Oh, right!” Sonata said. She suddenly frowned. “I… wait… Are you making fun of me?”

Aria simply continued to tap away at her tablet. “What the heck are you talking about?”

“SONATA!” Adagio screamed out from elsewhere in the house. “WHY IS THERE A GOAT IN THE HOUSE?!”

“WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?!” Sonata shouted back.

“BECAUSE WHEN SOMETHING STUPID GOES ON, IT’S ALWAYS YOUR FAULT!”

Aria rolled her eyes. “I NEED THE GOAT, ADAGIO!”

“… WHAT?!” The sound of heavy footsteps going down the stairs was heard. This was followed by the sound of a hooved animal going down the stairs. Confused and angry, Adagio soon appeared in the kitchen, her hair more of a mess than usual. “Why do you need a goat?!”

Aria folded her arms across her chest. “Because I’m studying it!” she said as if the answer was obvious.

One of Adagio’s eyes twitched as a waist-high black and white goat trotted up behind her.

Aria turned her tablet and showed the screen to Adagio. “I’m trying to increase my efficiency at Goat Simulator. I’m competing with a group of people online to figure out who could get the highest score in a limited amount of time and I figure actually having a goat would give me the edge.”

Adagio stared at the screen is disbelief. “HOW IS THAT A THING?! GHAAAA!” Adagio cried out in alarm as the goat began munching on her hair.

“Oh! Eating hair!” Aria said as she turned the tablet screen back towards her. “I wonder if I can do that in the game!”

Adagio turned and swatted the goat away from her hair. “ARIA! I WANT THIS GOAT OU—”

Sonata interrupted, screaming will all her might, “ALL MY CUPS ARE IN THE WASH AND I MIGHT DIE OF DEHYDRATION!”

Aria and Adagio cringed and covered their ears as they experienced being at ground zero for Sonata’s shriek attack. Startled, the goat bleated before running off into the house; this was shortly followed by the sound of breaking glass.

“Ow… What?” Adagio asked as she poked a finger into her ear.

Aria rolled her eyes. “Sonata’s freaking out because all her dumb baby cups are in the dishwasher.”

“… We have a dishwasher?” Adagio asked. “You did the dishes?!”

“I had to!” Aria cried. “The goat—”

“You know what?” Adagio said, holding up her hands. “I don’t even want to know.” She turned towards Sonata. “Sonata, just pretend you aren’t an overgrown toddler and use a regular cup for once.”

Sonata’s face turned a paler shade of blue. “A—” she swallowed “—regular cup?”

“Oh my gosh, Sonata,” Aria exclaimed as she lowered her tablet. She walked over to the cupboard which had regular glasses, pulling one out and setting it on the kitchen table next to the milk. “It’s no big deal. Hurry up and drink your milk so I can go back to gaming in peace.”

Sonata swallowed as she stared at the empty glass. She suddenly felt as if she understood the color of infinity, and it was a feeling that left her feeling hollow and insignificant.

“O… okay…” Sonata said as she slowly reached out for the carton of chocolate milk with both hands. With what seemed like tremendous effort, she lifted the milk off the counter. She tipped the carton, steadying the spout over the open cup. She let out a startled yelp as the brown liquid poured into the cup, but didn’t yield.

Aria and Adagio raised their hands up to their faces.

“For God’s sake, Sonata…” Aria uttered.

The brown liquid slowly raised to the top. Sonata let out a little squeak of concern as she pulled up on the carton. The liquid bubbled up until it was just above the top of the glass, but thankfully the surface tension kept the milk all inside the glass, but barely.

Sonata breathed a sigh of relief as she put the carton back on the table.

Adagio rolled her eyes as she placed a hand on one of her hips. “Now pick it up and drink it!”

Sonata felt her face turn hot, then cold as the air made contact with the sweat on her skin. Her hand shook as she reached out for the glass. Slowly, she opened her fingers so she could grasp the glass and lift it. Her fingertips made contact with the cold edges of the container.

Time seemed to move slowly as the glass tipped. Sonata could only watch in horror as the brown liquid began to pour out. Despite the feeling of slowness, the resounding ‘thud’ of the cup hitting the table came all too quickly. The deafening sound of glass hitting wood reverberated through the kitchen. This thick liquid inside the glass seemed to explode in all directions, flowing out from the glass as it continued to roll over the table, a seemingly endless river of brown that would destroy and drowned all in its path.

Sonata dropped to her knees. Clenching her hands together as she threw them in the air. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

“Oh my God, Sonata!” Adagio exclaimed. “Just get a paper towel and clean it up!”

Sonata hung her head began to weep bitter tears. “This is it… I’m done for… I’ll die without anything to drink…”

‘BUUZZZZZZZ!’

“Oh hey, dishes are done,” Aria said as she turned towards a black, rectangular panel imbedded in the kitchen counter.

Adagio raised both her hands, covering her face. “I can’t believe how much I hate both of—”

“BAAAAAAAAA!”

Adagio looked up as the goat charged forward. She barely had time to yell in surprise before the goat barreled into her.

Author's Notes:

Another chapter partially inspired by the thegreatcat14's great work.

Hardware Store

Sonata let out a startled yelp as she clutched a long spool of clear rubber tubing and quickly sidestepped a red shopping cart almost overflowing with what looked to be everything from allen wrenches to matching salt and pepper shakers.

The person pushing the cart, a man with curly brown hair, an orange shirt, and yellow pants, offered a quick “Sorry! I’ve got to buy a pair of pliers for every room in my house!” as he sped down the aisle of the hardware store.

Sonata watched the man round a corner, shrugged, and walked down towards the other end of the aisle where Aria stood with a slightly mystified expression as she stared into another red shopping cart.

Aria looked up with a irritable expression as Sonata approached. “What the heck is all this stuff even for, Sonata?”

Sonata rolled her eyes as she placed the spool of rubber tubing into the shopping cart. “Geez, Aria! It’s like you don’t know anything!”

Aria’s expression went from grumpy to rage filled in record time as she glared at Sonata. “Sonata, we’re in a hardware store… there are many things in here I can use to hurt you.”

“It’s not my fault you’re too stupid to know what these are used for!”

Aria’s face began to turn red. “We should stop at the hammer section…”

“Alright! Keep your bra on!” Sonata said. “If you want to know so badly, I’ll just tell you.”

Aria sighed heavily. Can’t believe I have to ask Sonata what this stuff is for… Aria reached into the cart and pulled out a rectangular metal container marked ‘ACETONE’. “What’s this for?”

“I’m making my own finger polish remover! We all paint our nails so much, I figured we could save some money that way!”

Aria put the acetone back and the cart and pulled up a canister “… Alright, and the lye?”

Sonata rolled her eyes. “You can use it in making food and soap, d’uh!”

“… Huh… And the lighter fluid?”

“That’s for starting fires!”

“Right… what was I thinking…”

“Oh, that reminds me!” Sonata said. “I need to get matches, too.”

“So what’s the tubing for?”

Sonata looked at the long spool of tubing and smiled. “Well, if you think about it, a tube is basically a big straw.”

“… Okay, but what do you need so much of it for? Are you trying to make a straw long enough to go from the kitchen to the living room?”

Sonata smiled and nodded her head up and down. “This way I can just put one end of the tube in my chocolate milk and leave it in the fridge and then I can drink it without even having to use a cup or get up!”

Aria stared at Sonata with wide eyes. “… Wow, Sonata… That’s actually a really good idea. I think I’ll get one for myself.”

Sonata grinned as she began to push the cart back down the aisle she had just came from. “See! You call me an idiot and stupid all the time, but I’m actually really smart.

Aria rolled her eyes as the girls walked alongside Sonata. “Well, let’s not go crazy here. Still… I’m kind of surprised you have a different use for all this stuff… it sorta looks like… uh…”

“Looks like, what?”

“Like you’re up to no good… Like… I don’t know… trying to stock up on stuff to get rid of bodies, or something…”

Sonata chuckled darkly. “Well, it’s not like there’s not a few uses for all this stuff…”

The girls stop as they arrived in front of several spools of rubber tubing. Aria began to pull on one end and gather her own length.

“Should we get one for Adagio?” Sonata asked.

Aria shrugged. “Maybe just so she doesn’t get mad at us for not thinking about her. Though she might still complain we didn’t get enough to go all the way up to her room.”

“Yeah… It’s too bad she didn’t want to come in so we can figure all this out together,” Sonata said.

Aria sighed heavily. “Well, you know her… Now that we don’t have our gems, she’s obsessed with making money doing what she does best.”

“… You really think people are going to pay Adagio to yell and sleep?”

Aria chuckled to herself. “Well… maybe a certain kind of yelling and sleeping…”

Soon the girls had gotten another spool of tubing and had moved on to getting the matches.

“Hey… Isn’t that one of our teachers? The boring chemistry one?” Aria said as she spotted a man with black hair that was set oddly on top of his head as if it didn’t belong there. He wore a brown sweater over a white shirt and tie and red pants which hung somewhat loosely around his legs. He also carried a paint can in either hand.

Sonata looked up as she dropped several large boxes of matches in the cart. “Oh, yeah! Hey, Mr. Donkey!” she called out with a wave.

Mr. Donkey looked at the girl’s cart, then looked up to give the girls a rather serious look. “You’re buying the wrong matches.”

Aria and Sonata exchanged confused looks.

“What?” Sonata asked.

“Those matches, they’re the wrong kind,” Mr. Donkey exclaimed.

“Oooookaaaay…” Sonata said as she raised an eyebrow.

Mr. Donkey continued, “Red phosphorous is found in the striker strips, not the matches themselves. You need to get the big 200-count box of individual matchbooks.”

The girls simply stared at Mr. Donkey with confused looks on both their faces.

“More striker strips. You understand? Those only have the one.” Mr. Donkey shook his head. “And don't buy everything in one place. Do it piecemeal. Different items, different stores. Attracts less attention. Are you following me here?”

“… Riiiiiiight~…” Sonata cooed with a wink.

Mr. Donkey gave the girls a satisfied smile as he chuckled to himself and walked off.

“… What the heck was that about?” Aria asked.

Sonata shrugged. “Beats me!”

“What? But you said—”

“I just did that so he’d leave,” Sonata said. “He was being kinda scary for some reason…”

Aria chuckled. “Maybe he should go talk to Adagio, I bet she could get him to relax a bit.”

Adagio leaned against a tall lamp post as with crossed arms as she stared at the hardware store entrance, the light from above creating a sort of spotlight that made her stand out in the darkened parking lot. She squinted into the darkness and frowned as she noticed a man focus his attention on her, then walk up with a speed and posture that let her know she was probably in for a confrontation of some sort. Her frown turned into a smile as the man stepped into the light.

Oh… It’s just Mr. Donkey from school. He should be fun to mess with…

“Hello Mr. Donkey,” Adagio said as she lowered her eyelids and give Mr. Donkey a sultry look. She placed a hand on her hip and posed to show off her shapely body. “Looking for something to help you unwind?”

Mr. Donkey paused and gave Adagio a look as if he was sizing her up. “Stay out of my territory,” he said in a quiet, yet threatening tone.

Adagio’s eyes widened in surprise. She looked Mr. Donkey down from head to toe, then back up again. “No offence, but I don’t think you and I are going to be attracting the same clientele.”

Well... She's not wrong...

“YES! You know you like it! Taste it! Taste the pain!”

Adagio’s words drifted downstairs into the Dazzling’s living room as Aria and Sonata glanced upwards, this was almost immediately followed by the sound of a loud ‘crack’ and some ecstatic, but muffled moans.

Aria’s almost perpetually grumpy expression had been increased with her narrowed eyelids and dark bags under her eyes as she lounged on the girl’s purple couch and stared at the TV. Sonata frowned from the girls big purple easy chair as she looked up from her ‘Highlights’ magazine.

Aria grumbled to herself as she turned up the TV. The sounds of gunshots and engines roaring filled the room, but it was not enough to block out the sounds from above.

Sonata sighed to herself. “I wish Adagio wouldn’t bring her new work with her like this…”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Aria agreed. “But she said all her tools are here… Maybe we can dip into the savings and try to get her room sound proofed or something…”

“YES! YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT, YOU SLUT!” Adagio exclaimed from upstairs.

“I hope so…” Sonata uttered.

‘Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock!’

Aria and Sonata jumped slightly at the sound of their front door being pounded on.

Sonata cocked an eyebrow at Aria. “You don’t think the neighbors can hear her, do you?”

Aria frowned. “Either that or they're mad because I threw a pair of nunchucks at their dog…”

“YOU THREW NUNCHUCKS AT LICKY?!”

Aria rolled her eyes. “The dog’s name is ‘Pom’, Sonata.”

Sonata folded her arms across her chest. “Yeah, but that name is hecka dumb! ‘Licky’ is more appropriate.”

“Anyhow, the stupid dog wouldn’t stop yapping! I had to do something to get it to shut up!”

“Okay… but nunchucks?!”

“Freakin’ dog was lucky it wasn’t my sais… or a katana, even…”

‘Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock!’

Aria sighed. “I guess I better get that.”

Sonata quickly stood up, holding up her hands palms faced forward. “No, no… I’ll do it… You’ll probably end up attacking the neighbors with one of your big sticks.

Aria narrowed her eyes. “It’s called a ‘bō’, you moron.”

Sonata stopped at the houses wooden door and turned towards Aria. “We’ll just see who the idiot is when you get arrested.”

“Whatever…” Aria said dismissively.

Sonata peered through the doors peephole and smiled. “Oh hey! It’s not the neighbors at all! It’s a different angry person to see us!”

“Oh yeah? Who?” Aria asked.

Sonata opened the door and smiled at the teenaged girl with red-and-yellow hair who wore a leather jacket. Sunset Shimmer shot a look with her turquoise eyes that might have disintegrated Sonata if looks could kill.

“Heya, Sunny!” Sonata greeted cheerfully. She frowned. “You look upset—” Sonata suddenly grinned “—or Sun-set, even.”

One of Sunset’s eyes twitched.

“Oh, it’s Sunset Shimmer?” Aria asked in an interested tone. “Ask if she wants to play some video games!”

“‘Kaaaaaaay~!” Sonata shouted back. She turned towards Sunset. “Sunset would you like to play—”

“WHERE. IS. SHE?!” Sunset asked through gritted teeth.

“Aria?” Sonata pointed towards the living room. “She’s right over—”

“Not her!” Sunset cried as she stepped into the house. “Adagio! I heard she was now taking ‘clients’! Not that I’m too surprised, but I’m a bit worried at how easily I found this out!”

Sonata chuckled as she closed the door. “Adagio’s really been excited about her new business…”

“That’s what’s got me worried! She’s going to…”

Adagio suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs, holding a whip and dressed in a leather ‘coat’ which hung over her breasts but was open, leaving her belly, thighs, and leather thong exposed. Leather bands covered her forearms and black platform boots went all the way up past her knees. “SUNNY!” she exclaimed in an uncharacteristically cheerfully tone for laying eyes on the red-and-yellow haired pony turned highschooler.

“YOU!” Sunset cried as she leveled an angry index finger at Adagio.

Adagio grinned wide. “Me!” she said as she motioned to herself. “I found something I like doing that makes me money! And it’s legal!”

“That’s why I’m—Wait, what?”

“Turns out people will pay to be humiliated and beaten!” Adagio said excitedly. She clutched her riding crop tightly and bit on her lower lip as she glanced upwards with a look of absolute joy. “And I can’t even be arrested for it! It’s a dream come true!”

Sunset’s jaw dropped slightly as her left eye twitched. She slapped both her hands against her face and shook her head.

“Anyways, I better get back to work!” Adagio said “I’m not getting paid to not put welts on people!” she said cheerfully. With that, Adagio turned, briefly exposing her almost completely bare behind as her coat swayed with the turn.

Sunset removed her hands and gave a defeated sigh. She turned towards Sonata. “Video games, huh?”

Sonata nodded. “Yep! And I can even make sandwiches piled high with meat for everyone!” she declared as she threw her hands into the air.

“… Fine…” Sunset said.

“Score!” Aria cried from the living room. “What do you want to play?!”

“YES! LICK MY BOOT, WORM! LICK IT CLEAN!”

Sunset cringed. “Something violent… and with lots of explosions!”

There was a pause.

“… That doesn’t narrow it down…” Aria replied. “Like… at all…”

Author's Notes:

A comment Telaros said inspired this chapter. I liked the idea of Adagio discovering that joys of being a dominatrix and decided to run with it, especially since it's far less likely to get her in trouble than her other attempts at making money.

Now, as I'm no doubt sure many of you want to run out and become dominatrix's based on this chapter of a My Little Pony fan-fic, I should mentioned that in researching this chapter I discovered that the legality of this profession depends on the state one is in (in the US, at least). Please consult a lawyer before fulfilling your dreams of becoming a professional dominatrix. I doubt 'I read that it was okay from a fan-fiction' is a valid legal defense.

Cereal Experiments Sonata

Sonata squinted in the dimly lit office as she sat in a chair in front of Vice-Principal Luna’s large desk. Pale ribbons of light that managed to sneak past the room’s blinds where the only light source, and the lights combined with the shadows of the blinds created a look reminiscent of a window blocked by evenly spaced bars.

Sonata shifted uncomfortably in her seat. The almost prison like feel to the room was bad enough, but the Vice-Principal herself loomed over her with an almost expressionless gaze.

“Now, do you know why you’re here?” Luna asked,

Sonata offered Luna a weak smile. “Is it because you need to replace a light bulb and you need someone to hold a ladder?”

“You’re not in a position to make jokes.”

Sonata frowned. “No… but it’s really dark in here! I mean… It’s light outside! Do you need help opening your blinds without making them go all sideways and crooked? Because I can help you try, but I usually need help from Aria or Ada—”

Luna pursed her lips ever so slightly and narrowed her eyes.

Sonata’s eyes widened. “Did… did Miss Cheerio Bee send me here because I was eating leprechaun cereal in class and she’s sworn to destroy her hated rival and his magical marshmallow cereal?”

Luna’s stern look cracked a bit as she gave Sonata a perplexed look. “No, but you shouldn’t eat cereal in Ms. Cheerilee’s class. Or any class for that matter.”

“Oh…” Sonata said meekly as she looked up at Luna with worry, slouched, and clasped one hand over the other and placing them between her legs. She looked very much like she was hoping she would shrink until she disappeared.

Luna sighed and shook her head. “Perhaps if I remind you that while Canterlot High does not have a strict dress code, we do still have some basic requirements about what the students show up to school wearing… or not wearing in this case.”

“Oh! So it’s because I forgot to wear a skirt or pants today!” Sonata said as she looked down at her bare legs and pink panties.

Luna nodded solemnly. “Yes, I’m afraid so.”

Sonata gulped as she slowly leaned over, picked up an open box of ‘Lucky Charms’, and held it up for Luna to see. “Maybe if I share some of my magical cereal we can forget this whole thing?”

Luna narrowed her eyes slightly then peered into the box. Her narrowed eyes were soon joined by her furrowed brow. “You already picked out all the marshmallows, didn’t you?”

Beads of sweat began to appear on Sonata’s forehead her pupils shrank to the size of pin-pricks. She held the box in her left hand as she bent down to pick up another box with her right. “Maybe my friend the Captain can help… sweeten the deal…”

Vacuum 18:9... or Something

Sonata sat in an empty classroom at a desk that with a plastic yellow chair attached to it. She slumped in her chair with a bored expression on her face as she held a pencil in between her nose and upper lip, holding it in place by puckering her lips.

‘SLAM!’

Sonata jumped upright in her seat as she heard the door to the classroom open violently. Her pencil clattered to the desk in front of her as she turned.

Aria was standing in the doorway with a slightly grumpier than usual look on her face. She wordlessly trudged over to a desk next to Sonata and sat down.

“Hey Aria,” Sonata greeted. “What are you in for?”

“Some dude with light blue hair and an orange shirt was giving me the evil eye, so I got mad and had an”—Aria air quoted—“‘altercation’ with him as Vice-Principal Luna put it.”

Sonata scrunched her lips slightly. “Is that code for ‘kicked him in the face’?”

“Well, the eye specifically.”

Sonata raised an eyebrow. “Why’d you aim for his eye?”

Aria shrugged. “You know what they say, ‘If an eye offend thee, kick it as hard as you can.’”

“… Who says that?”

“I think it’s from the Bible… so probably Fixer Christ.”

“Huh…” Sonata muttered. “Seems legit…” She gave Aria a sour look and motioned down to her pink gym shorts. “So why’d you let me leave the house without any pants or a skirt even.”

Aria narrowed her eyes. “Because you ate all the marshmallows out of the cereal!”

“But that was my cereal!” Sonata protested. “I even took the box with me to school!”

Aria folded her arms across her chest. “Not that box, the other box…”

Sonata frowned. “Okay, but—”

“Plus the box you opened this morning just so you could pick out the marshmallows!”

“But they’re different shapes and colors!” Sonata cried. “I’m not made out of stone!”

Aria rolled her eyes. “They all taste exactly the same, moron.”

“YOU TAKE THAT BACK!”

The girls heard the sound of the door opening and turned to see Adagio scowling at them. “You two in trouble. Why am I not surprised?”

Aria matched Adagio’s irritated look. “Say what you want, but I’m guessing you’re not here to get us out of detention.”

Adagio sighed heavily and trudged over taking the other desk next to Sonata.

Sonata turned towards Adagio. “So what did you get in trouble for, Adagio?”

“I learned that it’s not a good idea to try and seduce Mrs. Harshwhinny to raise one’s grades in her class. You two should keep that in mind.”

“Right,” Aria replied sarcastically as she leaned back in her chair, “because it’s so likely to come up with Sonata and me.”

Sonata continued to talk to Adagio, “So were you mad about the marshmallows too?”

Adagio gave Sonata an irritated look. “Sonata, I don’t live in the same ridiculous world you live in. What the heck are you talking about?!”

Sonata motioned to her gym shorts. “You let me leave the house without wearing a skirt or pants!”

Adagio gave Sonata a blank look before anger grabbed hold of her features. “We HAVE to wear pants or a skirt when we go to school?!” Adagio sighed heavily and slumped in her chair. “What’s the point of being mortal if you still have to dress in a way that doesn’t call attention to yourself? School blows…”

Author's Notes:

Thanks to CassandraMyOCisBestpony for coming up with a hilarious reason why Aria didn't bother to mention the not wearing pants thing.

Are You Down With The Sickness?

Aria moaned in pain as she rolled onto her back in her sweat soaked blankets. The twin ponytails her hair was usually in were gone, and instead her straight hair clung to her cheeks and neck in drenched masses. Aria found herself pulling on her covers to find a dry spot. Even making herself slightly less soaked did little to comfort her. Under the covers her body burned, but without them she would quickly start shivering. This wasn’t nearly as bad as the muscle aches that wracked her body. Her back, her arms, and even her chest continuously assaulted her with pain that prevented her from being able to fall asleep as tired as she might be.

Bare arms ventured from the swampy environment of the blankets out into the frigid cold to grab a pillow and pull it into the dark, muggy cave.

Aria arched her back just enough to wedge the pillow under it, but it did nothing to alleviate the pain in her back. Aira sighed to herself, wishing she had someone who could at least help take care of her.

“Oh Ariaaaaaa~…” A sultry voice sang out as Aria heard her door creak open.

Aria sighed to herself, wishing she had been a little more specific about the qualities of the person she had just wished for.

Aria glanced towards her door past the walls covered with video game and rock band posters. Adagio was standing in the doorway, hips tilted with one hand on her waist. She was wearing a lab coat, white bra with a red cross on the center of each cup, and a pair of white panties that bared a similar cross. A stethoscope around her neck and a pair of white high heels completed the ensemble.

“I heard someone was feeling a bit under the weather~!” Adagio continued to sing out.

Aria rolled her eyes. “Real nurses wear pants Adagio… and shirts.”

Adagio frowned and tugged at the edges of her open lab coat. “Doctor,” she corrected. “The coat means I’m a doctor.”

“Whatever, please just tell me you’re here to give me a lethal injection.”

“Better!” Adagio said as she sauntered up to Aria’s bed, taking care to step over the various mediaeval weapons from various countries and time periods that littered the ground. “I’m here to help you!”

“I choose ‘death’, thanks.”

Adagio wrung her hands together and grinned wickedly. “Don’t worry I’ll take good care of you.”

Aria felt her hot sweat turn cold. “What? You can’t seriously be thinking of—”

“NURSE!” Adagio called out.

Aria sighed. “Oh dark metal Satan, please no…”

“Here!” Sonata called out as she cheerfully bounded into the room, her ponytail bobbing up and down behind her. She wore a little nurses hat with pink trim and a pink heart with a white cross on it, a white top with pink straps and a pink ribbon which covered her breasts and just a few inches below leaving her midriff exposed, a mini-skirt with pink trim that also had a heart with a white cross in the center, and thigh-high socks that held up by pink straps that disappeared under her skirt. She also wore a pair of pink high heels.

Aria let out a gurgled, irritated moan. “Nice to see your spending our budget so wisely, Dagi.”

“Oh please,” Adagio said as she quickly whipped out her smartphone and snapped a few photos of Sonata, “I’m going to make a killing off these costumes on the internet.”

Sonata raised a hand behind her head and made a kissing face as Adagio snapped another photo. “Gotta keep my fans happy!”

“Fine, whatever!” Aria said dismissively. “At least you guys can help bring me some soup or something.”

Adagio waved a finger back and forth. “Now we can’t do that! We need to figure out what’s wrong with you first.”

“It’s the flu, Dagi! I looked up the symptoms on the internet. They’re ‘everything hurts and the fluids in your body are trying to escape it because they know it’s poisoned.’”

Sonata sat on the bed and leaned her head back. She tut-tutted as she shook her head back and forth. “Self-diagnosing on the internet.”

Adagio grinned and folded her arms across her chest. “Did it tell you have anything else? What color on the autism spectrum are you?”

Aria began to growl as she clenched her teeth. “I swear I’m going to punch the heck out of you two. Flu, or no flu.”

“Oh calm down,” Adagio said. She held out a hand towards Sonata. “Thermometer?”

Sonata reached into her top and pulled a digital thermometer out from between her breasts.

Aria cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t think that’s a very sterile way of carrying a thermometer.”

“Oh like you’re going to get any sicker,” Adagio said as Sonata handed her the thermometer.

“This is stupid!” Aria cried. “Just look at me! Of course I have a fever.”

“Stop whining, you big baby!” Adagio said.

“Baby! Baby!” Sonata said in a mocking sing-song tone.

Aria removed an arm from her blankets to take a swipe at Sonata, but in Aria’s fatigued state Sonata easily got up in time.

“Look, this thing takes two seconds.” Adagio said. “It’ll be over before you know it.”

“… Fine,” Aria said begrudgingly. She opened her mouth.

Adagio grinned. “Oh, this doesn’t go in there.”

“What?!” Aria cried. “Of course it does! It has multiple settings.”

“Well it’s not set to that one,” Adagio informed.

“Adagio, there are just two buttons, just hit mode until—”

“Sonata? Covers.” Adagio said simply.

“Sonata! Don’t—”

“Out into the cruel world with you~!” Sonata sang as she grabbed Aria’s covers and quickly pulled them off her revealing Aria’s sweat soaked black tank top and sweatpants.

Aria immediately wrapped her arms around herself. “AHHHH! Sooo… ca-ca-ca-cold…”

Adagio’s smile widened. “Turn her over.”

“You’re the doctor!” Sonata replied.

“Sonata! Don’t—!”

Sonata leaned down, placed her hands under Aria, and quickly flipped her onto her front.

“NO DAGI! WAIT! DON’T STICK—”

Aria flinched as she felt a small cold piece of metal shoved into her armpit, but went quiet. A few seconds later she heard a beeping sound and the digital thermometer was removed.

“101 degrees!” Adagio announced as she handed Sonata back the thermometer. “You, my dear, have a fever.”

“Ugggghhhh…” Aria moaned as she turned back onto her front and reached for her covers. “Adagio, you’re just the worst,” she said as she pulled her damp blankets back over her.

“Yay!” Sonata exclaimed. “I’ve been replaced.”

Aria narrowed her eyes. “Sonata, you’re the worst…”— Aria trailed off as her eyes darted to the side for a second—“…est.”

“Oh yeah?” Sonata replied. “Well at least I’m not all sticky and gross!”

“How the heck did you avoid getting the flu anyway?” Aria asked. “You eat food off the ground for crying out loud!”

Sonata blew a dismissive gust of air as she waved her hand about. “Pffft… All that just makes me stronger! My body needs as much germs and viruses as possible to be the vessel for the ultimate, unstoppable disease!” Sonata’s smile suddenly went supernova as her lips opened up into a tight dagger-like smile. “When I get sick it’s going to be cataclysmic and world ending!” Her focus suddenly went distant as if she was staring at something far beyond the walls of Aria’s bedroom. “It will be glorious…”

Aria sighed heavily. “Sonata, I keep telling you all it’s far more likely you’ll just be the one with a debilitating…” Aria trailed off as Sonata’s shadow fell over her. “Wait, what are you doing?”

Sonata leaned her face closer to Aria’s.

“Seriously, you’re creeping me out, and—MMMMPGH?!”

Aria’s eye went wide as Sonata suddenly placed her mouth against hers and plunged her tongue far past Aria’s lips.

Adagio’s smartphone was out in an instant accompanied by the digital sound of a camera snapping a photo.

Sonata pulled away.

“Sonata?! What the Hell?!” Aria cried. Her heart pounded in her face and she could feel her already hot face turning hotter.

Sonata leaned up with a satisfied grin on her face. “Another sample for the super virus!” she announced proudly.

Aria glowered at her as she wiped an arm across her mouth. “You are so going to regret that in a few days.”

Adagio waved a hand about. “Enough of the little weirdo’s little hobby, if you have a fever, you need to drink plenty of fluids.”

“So you’re finally going to do something useful?”

Adagio waved Sonata towards the door as her smile went from wicked to full on devil. “You might say that.”

Sonata smiled and carefully walked out of the room closing the door behind her.

Aria followed Sonata with a suspicious look then turned towards Adagio. “What stupid thing are you plan—Whoa! Adagio! What gives?!”

Adagio suddenly crawled onto the bed and then sat up on top of Aria, startling her arms and chest with her legs and placing herself very close to Aria’s face.

Aria felt her face go cold again. “You… you can’t be serious.”

Adagio regarded Aria with predatory, hungry eyes. “I think you can use a big drink from the furry cup,” she said as she placed a hand over Aria’s eye and applied a little pressure to force Aria’s chin up a little. “Now don’t fight it~! That’ll only make it worse…”

Aria attempted to struggle, but between Adagio’s body weight on top of her and her fatigued state, she found she could do very little. “What?! Wait! Adagio! Stop! You can’t—!”

Aria felt something fuzzy press against her lips then a cold liquid enter her mouth. She coughed and sputtered as Adagio removed her hand from her eyes.

Adagio still sat on top of her, her face a mixture of evil delight and pure mirth as she fought back the urge to laugh hysterically. In her hand she held up a cup that appeared to have grey fur of some sort glued to the outside of it.

Next to the bed, Sonata broke into a fight of laughter which filled the room as she leaned a hand on the bed to support herself.

Adagio slowly positioned herself so she was no longer on top of Aria, then placed her feet back on the ground. She took care not to spill the furry cup of water in her hand. “Oh Aria, I told you not to fight it. What are we going to do with you? You can’t even drink water right.”

“Cough… cough…” Aria attempted to melt Adagio and Sonata with her eyes, but quickly determined she lacked the mutant ability to do so. Still glaring she, reached out for the cup Adagio held. Adagio gave Aria a half smile as she handed her the cup. Aria felt the cup bend slightly in her grip, it was obviously just plastic underneath the fur. Oh well… It’ll have to do…

Aria shook her head as she sat up and brought the cup closer to her face. “I can’t believe you two went this far just to torment me while sick. You two are horrible.”

Adagio chuckled. “The look on your face was priceless.”

Sonata held up a smartphone. “And I captured it so we can enjoy the moment again and again!”

Aria began to mumble angrily to herself in between gulps of water. “You guys… glug glug…Hate you guys… glug… so much…”

“Still,” Adagio continued, “give me some credit. I’m not going to take advantage of you in your weakened state.”

One of Aria’s eyes twitched. “That’s exactly what you’re doing.”

“Well we have to have some fun at your expense, don’t we?”

Sonata nodded her head in agreement.

Aria finished her water and hurled the cup at Adagio which bounced off her harmlessly. “Uhg… I can’t wait until you two catch this stupid thing.”

“This isn’t glorious!” Sonata cried from the Dazzling’s purple easy chair from under a quilt decorated with images from The Hungry Caterpillar. “This isn’t glorious at all!”

Sonata’s hair was down and stuck to her face and neck, sweat soaked much like the rest of her.

Across from her on the girls couched laid Adagio under a puffy lilac-colored comforter. Her hair either clung to her face in messy wet clumps, or was in a curly, frazzled mass depending on if it was soaked in sweat or not. “This would be a heck of a lot less unpleasant if you’d stop whining!”

“Unpleasant?!” Sonata cried. “Adagio, this is the worst thing ever!” Sonata gave Adagio a worried look. “Am I dying?”

“… Maybe.”

Sonata whimpered in response.

“IT’S NURSE TIME!”

The girls turned to see Aria dressed in what might be considered a nurse’s outfit if nurses walked around in dingy, torn, blood splattered blouses that covered them down to their thighs and not much else. A pair of high heels, a white nurse’s cap in similar condition to the blouse, and bandages wrapped around Aria’s head completed the getup. Aria had left her top couple buttons undone exposing her cleavage. She stood with her body bent into a slightly unnatural-looking, angular pose and held a thermometer in her hand as if she was wielding a dagger.

“No, Aria! No!” Sonata cried as she pulled her quilt over her head.

Adagio merely sighed and rolled onto her front before tossing her comforter off of her. It fell to the floor with a ‘flumph!’

“Adagio!” Aria cried. “You’re not wearing—”

Adagio’s massive mass of disheveled hair covered her from head to her waist, leaving her bare behind and legs exposed making it look like some sort of matted hair beast was consuming a naked girl.

“Hurry it up!” Adagio said from under her hair pile. “I might suffocate under all this hair!”

“Dagi! I wasn’t actually going to—”

“Don’t be gentle,” Adagio added. “I like it rough.”

Author's Notes:

Inspired by my recent bout with the flu.

Maybe Adagio will realize how absolutely horrible she was being and apologize to Aria at some point, but I can't help but feel the nymphomaniac will try requesting something bigger than a thermometer first.

This chapter brought to you by the letters C,H, and O and the numbers 2 and 5

Aria opened the door to the Dazzlings house and stepped inside. She began to unbutton the dark maroon coat she was wearing as she walked across the entryway. She quickly took the coat off before placing it on a hook next to a faux-fur purple coat.

Aria turned then jumped slightly as she noticed Adagio glaring at her. Adagio held what looked like a trashy romance novel in her hands, but Adagio’s interest in the book seemed rather secondary compared to the attention she was giving Aria. No, Adagio’s deep magenta eyes were focused solely on Aria, and both seemed to burn brightly with the fires of accusation.

Adagio said nothing, letting her expression do the talking, or rather, the shouting of ‘You screwed up big time!’

Aria hated it when Adagio just stared accusingly at her. At least when she yelled at her she could yell back, but Adagio always reserved the look of silent judgment for when she felt Aria had done something really wrong. The main trouble was that Adagio was always right when that look came out, and that it was more than likely Aria had done something wrong and it was far too late to correct it.

Aria frowned and shook her head, walking towards the living room. She’d find out soon enough. Hopefully Adagio was just in a bad mood and blowing something out of proportion.

She walked into the living room noting Sonata was on the couch watching some obnoxiously bright children’s show. Nothing out of the ordinary.

“Hey, dummy,” Aria said casually as she walked between Sonata and the TV.

From the middle of the Dazzlings’ purple couch, Sonata turned and gave Aria an angry, flushed look. “Aria, Ms. Frizzle is a c*#%!”

Aria stopped dead in her tracks as she felt her forehead turn cold and clammy. ‘Doody-head’ was considered the ‘big-guns’ when it came to Sonata’s insults. To hear her break out a real swear, especially when she was talking about one of her beloved cartoons for children, was practically unfathomable.

“Wha… What?” Aria replied.

Sonata pointed at thelarge flat-screen TV. "She has a magic school bus capable of shifting into anything and she use it for TEACHING?! What a F#^%ing WASTE!"

Aria’s jaw dropped.

"Adagio!” Sonata shouted out. “We NEED to jack a magic school bus and show them how it's done!"

Adagio simply uttered an irritated grunt from the other room.

Aria watched as one of the characters on the show let loose a pun that caused the others to groan.

Sonata was on her feet in an instance. “THAT WAS COMEDY GOLD, YOU LITTLE S#!%-HEADS! YOU WOULDN’T KNOW COMEDY IF IT CAME UP AND TORE OUT YOUR STUPID LITTLE THROATS!” Sonata punctuated her yelling by bringing a bottle up to her lips and tilting her head straight back. She took a quick swig of the neon blue liquid inside the bottle and went back to shooting death glares at the characters on the TV and screaming at them.

Aria felt her face turn burning hot as she recognized the bottle in Sonata’s hand, she quickly ran back to the house’s entryway as the sounds of vulgarity continued from the living room.

Adagio looked up from her book and glared at Aria as she ran in.

“I think Sonata got into my wine coolers!” Aria cried in a panic.

Adagio rolled her eyes. “I know that already! Why do you think I was glaring at you when you walked in?!”

“It’s not like I didn’t hide them!” Aria exclaimed. “I hid them behind all the sauces we never use!”

Adagio nodded. “Right. That we never use! Us two. Sonata is the only one in the house who cooks, remember?” Adagio narrowed her eyes at Aria. “Why’d you get b!#&% beer, anyhow? I thought you took drinking more seriously than that.”

Aria flung her hands up as she glanced towards the ceiling for a second. “Look, I wanted something sweet and to get a nice buzz on at the same time! It sounded good.”

Adagio shook her head. “Too good. I think the little idiot thought that it was soda.”

Sonata’s angry cry rang out from the living room. “THAT’S RIGHT, YOU GLASSES-WEARING GINGER FREAK! TAKE OFF THAT HELMET! TAKE OFF THAT HELMET AND DIE IN THE VACUUM OF SPACE!”

Aria shot a terrified look, towards the living room. “Well, what do we do?!”

“We?” Adagio said as she stood to her feet and walked over to grab her faux-fur coat off its hook on the wall. “This is your mess. You can make sure she keeps her aggression focused at the TV. You remember the last time she got into alcohol!”

“Of course I do!” Aria said. “We had to move after we set fire to the house.” Aria’s eyes went wide and she wrapped her arms around herself. “There was soooo much blood…” Aria shook her head as if trying to erase an etch-a-sketch that depicted a traumatizing memory. “Wait, you’re leaving?!”

Adagio nodded. “I’m hungry, I’ve already had to keep that moronic psychopath in check, and I need to drink until this evening turns into a warm, inviting blur.”

“But... but…” Aria stammered.

“GOD F#&%ING DAMMIT, JANET! I HOPE THE WHOLE CLASS GETS STUCK ON PLUTO AND HAS TO EAT YOU TO SURVIVE!”

Aria pointed towards the living room as if current events spoke for themselves.

Adagio rolled her eyes as she placed a hand on the front door’s doorknob. “You’ll be fine. Just keep her focused on the TV and indoors.” With that, Adagio opened the door to the Dazzlings’ home and stepped outside.

Though Adagio closed the door softly, the sound of it shutting seemed to reverberate in Aria’s ear as she fought away panic over what might happen next.

“ARIA!” Sonata shouted out. “Tellemummies is on next! Help me shout at the purple one for carrying around a f#&%ing man-purse!”

Aria took a few calming breaths. “It’s okay… It’s only a few wine coolers,” she reassured herself. “Sonata should be over it in just a little bit…”

Aria took one more big breath, then stepped into the living room.

"F#&% you, Swiper! You leave Dora alone!" Sonata threw her empty wine cooler bottle ‘at’ the T.V., at least in the sense that the T.V. was in front of her and that’s where Sonata intended the bottle to hit.

Aria’s eyes went wide as the bottle homed in on her location sitting on the easy chair just a bit to the couch’s side.

‘THUD!’

“OW!” Aria cried as she raised a hand to her head, rubbing what was most assuredly going to be a lump soon.

Sonata reached into the couch cushions and pulled out a bottle full of neon blue liquid. She unscrewed the cap and took a swig from it.

Aria gulped. It was going to be a loooooong night of children’s programing.

“WHAT THE FLYING F#&%, THURSTON?! I HOPE THE ROCKET TRAIN CRASHES INTO A SUPER VOLCANO AND CAUSES IT TO ERUPT!”

“IF YOU HAD SUITS THAT GAVE YOU THE POWERS OF ANIMALS, WHY WOULD YOU WASTE YOUR TIME SAVING TWO F#&%ING BEAVERS?! WHO THE HELL IS FUNDING THIS BULLS#!%?!

“GOD DAMNIT, MAN IN THE YELLOW HAT! HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THIS STUFF COMING?! THE F#&%ING MONKEY SCREWS SOMETHING UP EVERY TIME YOU BRING HIM OUT!”

“CHRIST, CAILLOU! GET YOUR S#!% TOGETHER!”

“WHY THE EVERLIVING F#&% IS THE BLIND MAN FROM STAR TREK TELLING ME TO READ?! HOW CAN HE READ WITHOUT HIS FUTURE GLASSES?!”

"F#&% YOU, OSCAR! GET OUT OF THAT GARBAGE CAN!” Sonata shouted as she stood inches away from the screen. She thrust a finger into it. “I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU, YOU DISGUSTING GREEN B%*&#!"

Aria stared out at the TV with a vacant, almost completely empty look in her eyes. A few more bruises had made their way onto her body, and one of her pointed-star headbands was gone… she wasn’t sure where. Now free, one side of her hair was a complete disheveled mess. The end of the pony tail she still had was in her mouth, and she chewed at it with an even rhythm. She knew she couldn’t let it escape like the other one did. Keeping it secured was the only way to make sure it didn’t go anywhere.

‘THUD!’

Aria jumped as she heard the front door slam open.

“Hehehehe… I’m hoooooome~!” Adagio sang out.

“ADAGIO!” Aria said excitedly as she rushed from her chair, into the entryway and threw her arms around Adagio.

“Whoa!” Adagio cried as she struggled to keep her balance. “Wellll helllooooo to you too, missss huggy!”

Aria took a few sniffs of the air, then broke her embrace of Adagio. “Dagi, you smell like a brewery somehow collapsed into a distillery…”

Adagio smiled wide and threw her arms in the air. “AND THEN A BUUNCH OF PEEOPLE HAD AN ORG-EE IN THE WECKRAGE!” she cried, her enthusiastic display almost causing her to topple forward.

“Uh… wow…” Aria said. “I don’t know about that.”

“I DWOOOO!” Adagio slurred cheerfully.

“ADAGIO!” Sonata cried from the living room. “HELP ME CONVINCE THESE KIDS THAT MR. NOODLE IS A COMPLETE F#&% UP!”

Adagio grinned manically as she half-walked, half-stumbled her way into the living room. “ARE YOU WATCHIN’ THE ONE WITH ALL THE PUPPETSsss AND THERWE’Sss ONLY LIKE THE TWOOO GIRL ONESsss AND A BUNCH OF DUDE PUPPETSSsssssSS!? YOU KNOW THAT FAIRY PUPPET HAS TO BE A C*# GUZZELING ssssSLUT DUMPSsssSTER!”

Aria’s face went blank. “I’m going to hibernate,” she announced. “Not bed. Hibernate. Wake me up when it’s spring again.”

“IT’Ssss ALWEADY MAWRCH!” Adagio cried from the living room.

Aria turned and shouted as she began to climb the staircase. “Hence why I said, ‘again!’”

Author's Notes:

Inspired by a conversation with Tired Old Man.

Revenge Is a Dish Best Served When the Target Just Wants to Nap

“Goooood morning, girls!”

“Ugggggghhhhh…” Adagio groaned a response to the chipper greeting as her eyelids slowly opened, both slowly twitching as if deciding if it was a good idea to let any light in or to simply keep shut without figuring out the source of the noise. Though a cheerful ‘good morning’ was pretty common in the house, that Adagio was almost certain the voice belonged to…

Aira chuckled. “Or afternoon, should I say?” Aria asked with an uncharacteristic upbeat tone and an even more uncharacteristic smile. “Sleep well?”

Adagio found her eyes only seemed to open half-way. “A-Aria? Wha… oww…” Adagio moaned as the throbbing pain from her head made itself known. On top of that, her mouth was bone dry and she could still taste… well… lots of things… but mostly last night’s beers.

“Owchies…”

Adagio glanced over to the purple easy chair which Sonata was currently slumped in. The hand Sonata held up to her forehead let her know that the blue haired girl probably wasn’t feeling any better than she was, and the disheveled mess both Sonata’s hair and clothes were in gave Adagio a pretty good idea of what she herself probably looked like.

“Awwww…” Aria uttered, though it’s flat tone and look her face showed she wasn’t exactly being genuine. “Are the two party animals suffering from some post-drinking problems?”

Sonata gave Aria a pained look. “I think a goblin snuck into my head and is now playing the bongos!”

Adagio moaned again. “Ughh… Aria, what are you doing up? I thought you said you were going to sleep through the year?”

Aria shrugged. “You guys were unusually quiet during the hours I like to sleep! I feel great!”

Adagio pursed her lips as she continued to wrinkle her brow. The pain in her head and protest from her eyes kept her face in a near perpetual scowl. “‘Hours you like to sleep?’ You’d sleep until well past noon, if given the chance.”

Aria ginned wide.

“Hey, girls?” Sonata said in a tentative tone. “I forgot what it means when the little hand on the clock is pointed up and the big hand is pointed down…”

Adagio sighed. “Sonata, you don’t even know what it means when the hands are pointed anywhere!”

“Yes I do!” Sonata insisted angrily as she flung her hands to her sides. “Owie…” she uttered as she returned her hand to her head.

“‘Owie’ is right,” Adagio said as she rubbed her own head. “Let’s use our ‘indoor voice’ for moronic outbursts, shall we?”

Sonata wrinkled her nose and puffed out her lips. “I know the more the big hands leans over, the faster the time machine goes!”

Adagio and Aria shot eachother confused glances.

“Sonata,” Aria said, “what the heck are you talking about?!”

“Pinkie has clocks on her time machine!” Sonata said. “The more the big hand leans to the right, the faster we get to the future!”

Adagio thought about this for a moment. “Does… Does Pinkie’s machine have four wheels and requires a key to start?” she asked.

Sonata gasped. “You’ve seen it too?!”

Adagio rolled her eyes. “No, just a lucky guess…” She turned to Aria. “If it’s past noon, then why the heck do I still feel tired?!”

Aria smirked. “You two kept screaming at the TV for quite some time. At one point you got mad at it for ‘ooo’ing at you and both started getting angry at the colors cyan and magenta for ‘not committing to one color or the other’.

Sonata sighed. “Yeah, that rainbow show wasn’t very fun.”

Adagio scrunched her lips up to one side of her face. “We got angry at a test pattern!?”

Aria nodded. “Must of… That would explain why you said you ‘missed the chief’ and ‘wanted to have sloppy make-outs with his disembodied head.’”

“Bleh,” Sonata said, “that old black and white Indian circle show was boring anyways! I can’t believe how many seasons it lasted!”

Adagio swallowed. “Please tell me you didn’t record any of what happened last night.”

Aria smiled and shook her head. “Oh, Adagio. What kind of petty vengeance seeker do you take me for?”

Adagio breathed a sigh of relief.

Aria suddenly wiped out a cylindrical item with a cone on the end of it, pointing it up into the air. “Hey! You two want to hear my new air horn?!”

Adagio grit her teeth.

Sonata gave Aria a confused look. “Wait, wha—”

‘AWHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…’

“AHHHH!”

“EEEAAAAK!”

The two suffering girls covered their ears as Aria released an eardrum shattering wail into the living room courtesy of her air horn.

‘…OOOOOOOOO!’

Adagio shot Aria a pleading look once the offending noise which seemed to continue to reverberate in her skull subsided. “Okay, you’re mad… I get it… But please tell me you’re not going to continue this one woman attack on our heads all day.”

Aria shook her head. “Of course not! I invited someone over to teach me the drums!”

Adagio cocked an eyebrow. “Invited someone over…? Drums?!”

‘Knock, knock knock knock knock… knock knock!’

Sonata’s pupils suddenly shrunk as if being submerged in a sea of lavender. “Oh no…”

Aria smiled wide. “And there she is now!” Aria walked out of the living room and into the entrance area of the house.

“Aria!” Adagio called out. “Please tell me that isn’t…”

“Hello!” A bubbly feminine voice called out followed by a giggle. “Did someone order a package full of fun?!”

“… Pinkie Pie…” Adagio finished with a sad sigh.

Aria’s voice responded from the other room, “I know two girls who could use a whole crate full of fun!”

Adagio and Sonata watched with expressions one might reserve for when a relative visits who perpetually smells of cigar smoke and had a knack for telling inappropriately racist jokes. However, in this case, the ‘relative’ was a ‘friend’ of sorts who always smelled of cake batter and kept a healthy supply of noisemakers in her hair.

Soon the hyperactive girl was bounding into the living room, her light-blue boots stomping on the ground as she sprung up and down and her curly pink hair bouncing along with each skip. “Have no fear, Pinkie Pie is here!” Pinkie announced as she brought a colorful green and pink noise maker up to her lips and blew into it.

‘Pheeeewoooo!’

“… Yaaaaaaaaaaay…” Sonata replied with a sort of empty hollowness to her voice as she simply stared directly at Pinkie.

Adagio simply stared on with her mouth agape as one of her eyes twitched.

Aria walked back into the living room, her lips spread to the far corners of her mouth into an icepick smile.

“I heard you two weren’t feeling well!” Pinkie said with a concerned look.

Sonata frowned. “My tummy is angry at me and I think my brain is trying to tunnel its way out of my skull!”

“My body is a roadmap of pain!” Adagio chimed in. “And all exits get off onto my forehead!”

Pinkie smiled wide. “Well don’t worry! Nurse Pinkie Pie has just the thing to turn those frowns upside down and get you two feeling super-de-duper again!”

Adagio gulped. “Rest and quiet?” she asked, even though she knew that wasn’t the answer.

“No, silly-billy!” Pinkie replied. She pulled out flat, square-shaped item with a trio of cats on it all wearing Christmas hats. “This CD always makes me feel better when I’m feeling down.”

Adagio stared at the cover art as terror gripped her features. “Pulleeease tell me that’s just the sound of cats purring quietly to help the healing process.”

“Haha! Noper!” Pinkie replied. “I mean… booooring! This is a bunch of cats singing Christmas songs!”

Sonata swallowed as she forced a hopeful smile despite the obvious dread that wrote volumes over her face. “I like Christmas…”

Pinkie’s face lit up. “Then you’re going to love this!”

Aria quickly rushed towards the TV, bent down, and began fiddling with a few devices. “Here, Pinkie!” She said as she held out a hand. “I got the surround sound working for you!”

Pinkie grinned and hopped over to Aria, retrieving the CD from the case and handing it to her.

“A-Aria?” Adagio stammered. “La-look, I’m really sorry about leaving you alone with Sonata last night! Please don’t—”

“MEOW MEOW MEOW! MEOW MEOW MEOW! MEOW MEOW MEOW, MEEEEOW!”

Adagio was cut off as cats began to wail in a tone vaguely resembling the holiday classic, Jingle Bells. Both Adagio and Sonata clenched their teeth hard as the slightly off tune cries of cats flooded the room causing the already throbbing pain in their heads to protest further.

“MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW, MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW! MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW! MEOW!”

Pinkie smiled wide. Snapping her fingers and tapping her toes in whatever passed for ‘rhythm’ on the song. “Yeah! Listen to those kittens sing!”

“DO WE HAVE A CHOICE?!” Adagio cried.

Sonata slumped in her chair, as if hoping the furniture would suck her into it and allow her some respite from the ‘music’. “Please… make it stop…”

Pinkie turned to Aria “HEY!” she shouted over the cat croons. “You didn’t specify which type of drum or drums you wanted to learn, so I just packed my car full of them!”

Aria grinned widely. “Well, we’ll just have to try them all, won’t we?!”

“MEOW MEOW MEOW! MEOW MEOW MEOW! MEOW MEOW MEOW, MEEEEOW!”

Pinkie’s smile exploded so wide it seemed her face couldn’t even contain all the joy. “AWESOME-O-POSSUM! Let’s grab some drums!”

Pinkie and Aria rushed out of the living room.

“A-Adagio?” Sonata said in a pained tone.

“… Yeah?”

“MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW,”

“Is God punishing us for our sins?”

“MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW.”

“… Yes. Most definitely, ‘yes’.”

“MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW!”

Sonata whimpered as she sank lower into her chair.

“MEOW!”

To Be Fair, Rules 1 and 2 Are Pretty Hard to Follow When She Ends Each Meeting With "And Remember to Tell Your Friends."

Adagio’s magenta eyes rose briefly over the hunched over backs of the other two ex-sirens. Her brows knit together in a suspicious look before Adagio lowered her face into the safe zone she and the other girls had created by resting their arms on each other’s shoulders. She turned towards Aria. “I don’t know, Aria… What do you think?”

Aria shook her head. “Could be a trap.”

Adagio glanced up slightly before returning her head to the huddle. “You think? She… or he in this case is doing a very good job at looking effeminate if that’s true.”

“Not that kind of trap!” Aria exclaimed in irritation. “The regular kind were we’re tricked into something… You know… we walk out that door and suddenly we get hit with skipping detention! And then bam, more punishment!”

Adagio hummed thoughtfully, ignoring the sound as she considered Aria’s words. “Hmmm…” She turned to Sonata. “Sonata, what do you think?”

Aria sighed. “She doesn’t! Not ever! Why do you even ask?!”

“Hey!” Sonata snapped back. “I happen to have a brilliant idea!”

Aria rolled her eyes. “Here we go.”

Sonata continued, “I say we kill her and hide the body!”

Adagio groaned.

“Told you!” Aria said.

Adagio looked up at Sonata with a tired look on her face. “Sonata, for the last time, we can’t just murder Ms. Cheerilee!”

Sonata gave Adagio a disappointed look. “We never do what I want to do!” she bemoaned.

Adagio furrowed her brow. “You want to get some tacos or ice cream when we finally get out of here, fine, we’ll do it! But every time we huddle up, you always want to kill someone! You never just want a double-decker!”

“Girls!” Cheerilee snapped from the front of the empty classroom. “I’m just a few yards away from you! I can hear everything you say!”

Sonata lifted her head up from the huddle. “That’s what we want you to think!”

Adagio groaned again as she lowered her head, giving it a couple slow, sad shakes.

Sonata grinned. “I’ve always wanted to say that!”

Aria cocked an eyebrow. “Do ya’ think you coulda waited until it actually made sense!”

“That’s what I WANTED you to think!”

Aria narrowed her eyes at Sonata. “I spit in your mouth while you sleep.”

Sonata whimpered.

Adagio raised her head. “Kinky!”

“Seriously, girls!” Cheerilee cried. “I’m waiting on you three! Once you’re out, we can all go home!”

Standing admits the empty desks, the girls broke their huddle and gave each other one more look before turning to face Cheerilee.

“We don’t believe you,” Adagio said. “Also, please lift your skirt if you will.”

“What?! No!” Cheerilee cried. “Girls, I can’t lock up until you’re out of the room! You’re free! Go! Just Go!”

“No way!” Aria said as she leveled an accusatory finger at Cheerilee. “You just want to dump more detention on us!”

Cheerilee grit her teeth. “I can’t give you more detention because you three don’t have any!”

“Ha!” Adagio cried. “I find that hard to believe! We’ve had detention pretty much every day since we started going to school.”

“Yeah!” Aria said. “We musta done something!”

Cheerilee frowned heavily. “If you did something wouldn’t you remember it?!”

The three girl’s eyes widened as they turned and looked at each other, exchanging blank expressions and shrugs.

Sonata turned and raised her hand.

“Sonata, we’re not in class,” Cheerilee said.

“She is trying to trick us!” Aria exclaimed as her index finger once again flew out to stab in the direction of Cheerilee. “Now she wants us to believe we’re not in a classroom!”

Cheerilee smacked a hand against her face. “I mean class isn’t in session!” She removed her hand and looked at Sonata. “You don’t have to wait to be called on, you can just talk!”

Sonata lowered her hand. “I never remember what I’m in detention for!”

Aria nodded. “And I figure someone is gonna nark me out for starting a school fight club sooner or later!”

Adagio scrunched her lips up slightly. “I can get pretty noisy in the throes of passion… I mean, the natural science section of the library isn’t exactly private and biting down on a book will only muffle so much.”

Cheerilee grimaced as her left eye twitch and she examined her hands. “I’m just going to pretend I heard none of that.” She lowered her hands and stared at the girls again. “Look! I’m just as surprised as you, but you’ve all somehow avoided doing anything wrong or at least getting caught doing it! Can you please just go! I’m just as tired of spending an extra hour each day at school as I’m sure you three are.” Cheerilee raised her hands again and stared at them. “Plus I really want to wash my hands now.”

Sonata grinned cheerfully. “You also touched your face!”

Cheerilee sighed. “Make that take a really hot shower.”

The girls looked at each other and exchanged another round of head shakes and shrugs.

“Fine, we’ll go,” Adagio said. “But only on one condition!”

Cheerilee’s shoulders slumped. “Adagio, I promise you I’m a woman!”

Adagio narrowed her eyes. “Prove it!”

The Commodity of Love

‘Knock! Knock!’

Adagio sighed as she heard a knock from the front door. For whatever reason, the other Dazzlings were not in the living room generating an obnoxious level of noise, but held up in their rooms doing… God only knew what. While this had given Adagio some time to sprawl across the big purple couch and watch her daily soaps uninterrupted, she knew it meant trouble in the future. Sonata was likely creating some sort of horrible mess she’d need help cleaning and there was a better-than-not chance Aria wouldn’t exit her room until she had skipped basic hygiene long enough that she came out smelling like week-old dirty socks that had been left out in the sun.

‘Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock!’

It also meant she might actually have to get up and answer the door!

“Aria!” Sonata shouted out. “Please get out of your cave and answer the door!”

“I’M BUSY GRINDING MY GOAT!”

Adagio sat up in alarm. She… she’s turning Chompers into sausage?! Adagio got up and walked to the front room. Looking out the window, she could see a large wooly goat with big curved horns locked in a tug of war over a mail bag with a blond, wall-eyed girl in a baby-blue shirt and shorts.

Adagio put on a perplexed look and shouted up the stairs, “Is that a euphemism for something, or…?”

“I’m playing Goat MMO Simulator!” Aria shouted back. “So unless you’re going to bring me up some soda and some chips, get off my back!”

Adagio let out a heavy sigh. “Sonata?!”

“I’M MAKING TACO ISLAND!” came the response.

Adagio forehead tightened almost on impulse. “… Nevermind!”

“KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!”

Adagio gritted her teeth. She begrudgingly walked over to the door and flung it open. “What do you wa…?!” Adagio trailed off when she noticed she was staring down a bright sunny day. Near the mailbox, the same blond-haired mail-girl was now locked in a wrestling match with Chompers over a saliva-soaked letter. She looked down and jumped slightly, startled to see a girl with silvery-blue hair biting her lip until the skin around it had turned white. The girl was in a purple sun dress with a magic wand and star design on it and she sat on her knees and looking up at Adagio with a sort of desperate look on her face.

“Trixie wants you!”

Adagio simply blinked a few times. “Uh… okaaaaay…”

Trixie continued, “Ever since that first day you showed up at Canterlot High, Trixie has been unable to get you out of her thoughts! Everyday I’m plagued by the idea of running my hands through your glorious long locks of fiery hair, and every night I can’t help but wonder how your curves must feel—” Trixie swallowed “—how your lips must taste. I think of you almost as much as I think about myself! Trixie wants you! Trixie needs you!” Trixie clasped her hands together as if she was begging. “Take Trixie! Use Trixie! Abuse me! Do what you will with me! Just so long as you accept me! I don’t care!” Trixie’s eyes went wild and unfocused briefly. “And Trixie won’t take ‘no’ for an answer!”

Adagio looked down into Trixie’s eyes, deep and purple like a fine dark wine. There was something dangerous in those eyes, almost as if Adagio could see a flickering fire that was threatening to consume everything around it. Despite the danger, Adagio could feel herself being drawn closer, invited by the fire’s blistering heat despite the danger. It was possible Adagio herself would be consumed in her suitor’s madness, but she knew some things were worth the risk.

Trixie had much to offer her, and she’d be a fool to simply dismiss the girl from her doorstep.

Adagio kneeled down, took Trixie’s hands in her own, and lifted her up. Trixie’s hands seemed to shake in anticipation… or perhaps the girl was doing all she could from wrapping her arms around Adagio and ravaging her in front of Chompers, the mail-girl, and anyone else passing through the neighborhood.

Adagio could feel Trixie’s hot breath on her face, catching the faint scent of cinnamon with each exhale. She locked her amethyst eyes with Trixie’s darker wine-colored eyes. She gave Trixie a seductive smile as she fluttered her eyelids. “My going rate is $100 per hour and an extra $75 for ‘special services’,” she said with a wink before licking her lips.

Trixie reached down into a blue handbag and pulled out a wallet. “Do you take credit?”

“Hold on,” Adagio said as she quickly walked back into the house, “let me get my smartphone and my Square.”

The Legend of King Forge and the Colonies

‘KABOOO!’

Aria smiled widely as another explosion filled the night sky with blue and gold. Lounging on a lawn chair that almost put her in the lying position, she raised a stout glass full of ice and a brown liquid up to her lips and took a sip.

‘KABOOM!’

Aria hummed contently as yet another firework went off, filling the night with light and noise.

“What the heck are you doing?!” Adagio’s annoyed voice called out.

Aria leaned over slightly and motioned out with the hand that held her beverage, the ice clinking gently. “I’m watching the fireworks!”

“I can see that? I meant what are you doing inside?!”

“It’s like 90 out there!” Aria said. “I can see the fireworks fine from here!” She declared as she continued staring out the large window of the Dazzling’s entry room.

‘KABOOM!’

Adagio jumped slightly, then looked up at the sky in annoyance. “I don’t even know what’s the point of this stupid holiday. Every year it’s just bright lights and noise.”

“I know! It’s great.” Aria said. “For some reason I get to see explosions and see you get all huffy!” She took a sip of her drink. “It’s win-win!”

Adagio narrowed her eyes. “That’s not—”

“You two don’t even know the true meaning of Independence Day?!”

Adagio and Aria turned and looked up the stairs as Sonata hefted down a massive misshapen red bag.

Sonata shook her head as she descended the stairs, stopped at the front door, and dropped the bag. “Don’t you two know anything?!”

Adagio and Aria narrowed their eyes.

“You hold her down,” Aria said. “I’ll punch her.”

Sonata continued, “Everyone knows the fireworks are to scare away the British!”

Adagio and Aria exchanged confused glances.

“Sonata,” Adagio began, “the sounds incredibly stupid.”

Sonata folded her arms across her chest. “Do you want to hear the story of July the 4th or not?”

“Not,” Adagio answered.

“I do,” Aria said, “but only because it’ll annoy Adagio more.”

Adagio creased her brow and glared at Aria.

Sonata smiled. “Every year the ghost of King Forge angrily gathers the English troops to reclaim the lost American Colonies.”

Adagio cocked an eyebrow, “Wait… wouldn’t the military—”

Aria raised a finger to her lips “Shhhhh! Let’s see where this goes.”

Adagio shot Aria a sour look.

“Now as everyone knows, ghosts are afraid of loud noises and bright things.”

Aria nodded. “Of course.”

Adagio rolled her eyes.

“So every year everyone gets fireworks and shoots them off into the sky! Scarring King Forge and his troops off for another year!”

Aria chuckled. “Seems legit.”

Adagio shook her head. “Sonata, that has got to be the most ridiculous—”

Sonata practically dived into her misshapen bag. With a couple muffled clicks she resurfaced with a pair of large gold framed reflective sunglasses and two hissing, lit massive rockets, one under either arm. “So that’s why I have these!” Sonata exclaimed as the rocked fusses continued to hiss and shoot sparks off in all direction.

Aria’s eyes widened and she leaned away from the sparks, raising a hand between her face, her drink and the fiery items. “Whoa!

“Sonata!” Adagio cried as she quickly gathered her own hair and held onto it tightly. “Not in the house! Do you know how much hairspray Aria uses to keep my hair in place?!”

Sonata suddenly kicked the door, it slammed open. “UP YOURS, KING FORGE!” Sonata cried as the sparks and flames of the fuses reached the end of the rockets.

‘HisssssssssSSSSHHHH’

A mass of golden sparks shot from the ends of the rockets.

‘HHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo’

The massive fireworks shot off into the sky, smoke streaking behind them.

‘KAAAAAABOOOOOOM!’

“Aaaaaiiieeee!” Adagio cried as the massive dual explosions rocked the house and she dived into the living room.

Aria coughed and waved her hand in front of her face, clearing some of the smoke that now filled the entry room. “Maybe you could fire the rest outside, genius?”

“Sonata!” Adagio cried poking her head back into the room. “What have we said about lighting high explosives indoors!?”

“Pfft, whatever…” Sonata said dismissively. She adjusted her sunglasses. “You’ll be thanking me when we go another year without ghosts!”

Author's Notes:

Just a little something that came to me while watching people attack the night sky with tons of colorful explosions. More Dazzling stuff coming soon!

Afternoon Delight

Aria glared out at the coffee maker in front of her, her grumpy countenance framed by purple hair which clung to her cheeks in a soaking wet mass. Her eyes focused onto her her dark, dark blue mug that read “looks like I’m the only one here with a mug full of THE ANTIDOTE”. The kitchen’s single cup coffee machine continued to release a black, almost ooze like substance, which dribbled into down into the mug. A small white cup with sat next to the machine, Aria already having used it to get the first half of the strong coffee she required to lift her out of ‘angry cavegirl mode’ as Sonata liked to call it. Soon she’d be able to do more than grunt irritably and perform simple acts of violence; she’d be able to string sentences together and commit complex acts of violence.

As the machine gave out one last spat of dark black dredge, Aria reached for her mug. She brought it up to her lips and took a small sip of the black substance. She felt her eyes widen as the hot, bitter coffee entered her mouth.

Her bleary eyes focused, taking in the kitchen as if really seeing it for the first time that morning. Huh… Adagio must finally broke down and cleaned recently. She mused, noting the sticky crust of miscellaneous substances were absent from the kitchen’s counters, floors, walls, and ceiling. She took another quick scan of the room, craning her neck slightly to see if perhaps a certain someone was ineffectually hiding behind a chair or simply with her back turned facing a cupboard or wall.

A memory of Sonata’s chipper words rang through Sonata’s ears, ‘If I can’t see them, they can’t see me!’

Ari shook her head, as if the action would evict the obnoxious memory. Wonder what the little psycho is up to… she thought, taking note that Sonata hadn’t yet bugged her nor seemed to be waiting for her first sip before launching straight into ‘insane airhead’ mode .

Aria took another small drink and noted Adagio was likewise absent, though that fact was far less surprising. Both her and Adagio tended to sleep in, sometimes until well past noon.

‘Creak… Creak…’

Aria picked out the familiar cadence of Adagio slowly dragging herself down the stairs and decided to take a seat at the kitchen’s small round table. She prepared an almost motherly look of disappointment.

Adagio’s face surrounded by a mess of orange hair soon appeared in the kitchen doorway. This was quickly followed by the rest of her covered in lingerie, which was very short on modesty, and an open purple bathrobe. With a quick glance around the kitchen, Adagio soon caught the look Aria was giving her. Adagio returned fire with a look that seemed to say, ‘Oh you’re one to talk!’

Aria took a sip of her coffee, taking slight solace in the fact that she got to let out the disappointed look today. Given both participants were usually up rather late, this greeting ritual she and Adagio had wasn’t so much a game either could ‘win’ so much as ‘lose to a smaller degree than the other’. The morning pleasantries taken care of, Aria’s eyes shot open wide as she took notice of the many, many bruises Adagio had acquired since the last time she saw her. “Whoa, Adagio! The heck happened to you?! You look like one of your clients after they get out of your room!”

Adagio let out an annoyed sigh as if she knew was going to be having this exact, tedious conversation. She opened a cupboard and pulled out a black mug with a red heart on it. “Trixie came over and confessed her obsession with me.”

Aria waited for a follow up. Aria scrunched her forehead slightly as Adagio wordlessly went about fetching a box of sugar, a spoon, and a black mug with a smudged red heart on it.

“Okay, so what?” Aria said. “Peeps throw themselves at our feet all the time, and even without our powers we’re still super-hot.”

Adagio bent down and opened a cupboard. She looked through a selection of tiny cups full of coffee grounds, picking out a cinnamon flavored one. “Well, I told her my rates of course.”

“Sure, but how did you—”

“I let her have a turn with the flogger, alright?!” Adagio cried.

Aria’s eyes widened in surprise. “Whoa, you let someone else swat the heck out of you for a change?!”

Adagio poured a generous helping of sugar into her mug and placed it under the coffee machine’s nozzle. “She seemed like she would make a good dom and I just wanted a change of pace!” Adagio snapped irritably as she opened the top of the machine, removed Aria’s last coffee ‘charge’ and put in her own. She hit a button and quickly turned to level an agitated glower at Aria. “Do you have to ask so many questions this early in the” –Adagio glanced over to the microwave clock –“afternoon?!”

“Well dang, Dagi. You don’t usually walk down the stairs looking like you did a few rounds with a kickboxer. ”

Adagio threw on a mock smile. “Hey! Here’s an idea! Why don’t we fixate on how you spend the last several days holed up in your room!” Adagio let the fake smile fall from her face as her brow wrinkled. “I’m amazed you didn’t gas us all out of the house with the horrendous smell when you finally emerged!”

“Hey, I just need to take a shower and I’m good to go,” Aria said as she brushed a strand of soaked hair away from her face. “You're gonna have to wear pants and a sweater or somethin’ if you don’t want a lot of questions. What the heck was it about Trixie that made you feel like experimentin’ anyhow?”

Adagio glanced at her mug impatiently as a steady stream of coffee dripped into it. She refocused her irritated glare at Aria. “Is it so wrong that I found her possibly all-consuming obsession with me kind of adorable!? Look! I don’t have to tell you everything! In fact, I don’t have to tell you anything!”

Aria raised her palms in front of her defensively. “Alright, chill! I was just a little surprised is all.” Aria took a sip of coffee. “You don’t exactly give your clients a ton of freedom… I mean, I thought that was sorta the point.” Aria narrowed her eyes. “Wait… you don’t actually… you know… like her, or nothin’.”

“Of course not!” Adagio snapped as the coffee machine spat out its last few drops of coffee. “Don’t be absurd!” Adagio quickly grabbed the mug and the spoon. She thrust the spoon into the mug and began stirring. “The very idea of me becoming attached to someone is ludicrously absurd!”

Aria cocked an eyebrow and sipped her coffee. “That was a lot of words to just say ‘no’, Dagi.”

Adagio crinkled her nose into a sneer as she flopped down into a chair next to Aria. “Look would you drop it already?! So last night went just a little different from other nights! No need to make a federal case out of it!” Adagio took a sip of steaming coffee and immediately recoiled as the hot liquid made contact with her mouth. “Ow!” she exclaimed before blowing on the hot beverage inside her mug.

Aria chuckled. “I thought you were starting to enjoy pain.” She raised her own mug up to her lips to help conceal a smile. Though far from the hardest person to annoy, Adagio seemed oddly touchy today.

Adagio narrowed her eyes at Aria. “Look, as flattered as I am that Trixie is still obsessed with me despite our magic having worn off, she’s still going to have to pay for the privilege of being with me, just like everyone—”

“The Grrrrrreat and Powerful Trixie is feeling peckish!”

Aria’s head snapped towards the doorway as Trixie announced herself before she heard someone stepping down the stairs. She turned back to Adagio who looked like someone suddenly blotted up all the color from her face. “You… you let her spend the night?!” Aria exclaimed in disbelief.

“She… she was a lot of fun, alright?!” Adagio said with a sheepish look as the steps continued. Adagio lowered her head, allowing her frizzy hair to fall in front of her face. “I lost track of time,” she added quietly.

“… Wait, you mean you let her spend the night and you only charged her for an hour?!” Aria exclaimed.

Adagio’s face came back, her teeth already clenched together hard. “Shut. Up.”

Trixie walked into the kitchen her hair a frazzled mess, but her body mostly completely covered by a form fitting full leather outfit with a zipper that went down the middle. Trixie had zipped or unzipped the suit so that her head was exposed, the hood crinkled behind her. The tops of her breasts where likewise exposed, her cleavage enjoying the benefit of the tight-fighting outfit pushing them up.

“You!” Adagio snapped at Trixie. “I strapped you into the gimp suit and put you in the gimp box!”

“Hmmm, yes,” Trixie said dismissively, “but I decided I was hungry.”

Aria closed her eyes hard and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Adagio, I think we should agree not to talk about work first thing in the afternoon.”

Adagio ignored Aria. “But… but the flipping box was padlocked!”

Trixie grinned. “The Grrrrrrrreat and Powerful Trixie is a master of many talents,” her grin fell from her face, “but that box was pretty cheaply made… Also, you need a new gimp box.”

Trixie continued her journey into the girl’s kitchen as Adagio let out an irritated growl and turned to Aria.

“Don’t look at me,” Aria said. “Maybe if you bought some halfway decent wood she wouldn’t have Beatrix Kiddo’d her way out of the stupid thing.”

The girls turned as they heard the fridge open. Trixie’s leather clad, shapely backside poked out from behind the fridge’s chrome door as she leaned down to examine the contents inside. She suddenly stood up and poked her head out from behind the door, giving Adagio and Aria a perplexed look. “Do you… do you all just live off Lunchables?!”

Adagio narrowed her eyes. “Get out of our fridge!”

In Which Continuity Continues to Be a Thing

Sonata bounded down the stairs with the energy of a hyperactive 10 year old. The kitchen sounded unusually lively. Though it was late enough in the day that both Adagio and Aria being up wasn’t too strange, the pair usually kept their aggression at a sort of quiet and tense simmering point. It was only when Sonata made her presence known did things tend to boil over until all the girls got fed up with one another, breaking off to one electronic distraction or another.

Getting to the bottom of the stairs, Sonata titled her head and peered through a doorway so she could look into kitchen. The answer to what had got the other two Dazzlings so worked up quickly became apparent: one of the girls from school was inside, dressed as a spy.

Sonata focused her eyes and raised an index finger to her chin. What was her name? Lixie? Hixie?

“Trixie,” Adagio said in an aspirated tone, “if you’re going to bitch about what’s in our fridge than you can just close it and find something else to eat!”

Trixie! That was it… The other two girls must be mad because they caught her trying to steal our delicious Luncahbles! Still… who can blame her?

“I was just surprised!” Trixie said as she sat down at the table and began tearing into a peanut butter and jelly Lunchable. “I love Lunchables, but I figured you three had more expensive taste.”

“I prefer quality meals,” Adagio said motioning to herself. “The other two idiots here generally don’t care what they stick in their mouths.”

“Pfffft…” Aria replied with a smirk. “Look who’s talking!”

Adagio narrowed her eyes. “That’s not what I mean! I’m talking about the weird and disgusting stuff you make out of leftovers.”

Aria folded her arms across her chest. “Pizza topped with chow mien, is awesome, Adagio.”

“More like ‘awful’,” Adagio retorted.

Aria lifted her nose into the air. “I will not apologize for art!”

Trixie began to snack on the ‘sandwich’ she had constructed as she looked back and forth between the quarrelling girls. “Do you two do this every day?”

Adagio scrunched her lips to one side of her mouth. “Well, usually Sonata is here by n—”

“Hello!” Sonata said cheerfully as she thrust herself into the kitchen.

Aria sighed heavily. “You just had to mention her, didn’t you?”

Adagio rolled her eyes. “She lives here! She was bound to show up at some point! We’ll only get solace when a toy’s age warning woefully over estimates Sonata’s intelligence and she chokes on a piece of plastic shaped like a taco.”

Trixie cocked an eyebrow. “How… how do you girls manage to share a house together?”

Aria and Adagio looked at each other then back to Trixie.

“Uh… We just do?” Aria said replied in a slightly perplexed tone.

Adagio shook her head. “Trixie, what the heck are you on about?”

“You all seem to hate each other,” Trixie said. “How do you all put up with it?”

Adagio and Aria turned towards one another and both raised an eyebrow.

Adagio turned back to Trixie. “It’s called ‘family’?” she answered, stressing ‘family’ as if the answer was apparent.

“Speaking of family,” Sonata said as she leaned down and placed her face inches away from Trixie’s, “are you our new mommy?”

Trixie’s face contorted in confusion. “Uh…”

Aria and Adagio’s eyes shot open wide as Aria began to cough and sputter on her coffee and Adagio sprayed hers across the table onto the side of Trixie’s face.

“So-Sonata… cough… cough…” Aria exclaimed. “What? Why?!”

Trixie scowled at Adagio and wiped coffee away from her face. “Can we save the spitting on me until we’re behind closed doors, please?”

Adagio gave Trixie a sheepish look.

Sonata grinned. “Well, now that everyone is paying attention to me—” Sonata produced a letter that looked like it had one of its corners bitten off – “It’s here!” Sonata shouted. “And only partially eaten.”

Adagio loaded an annoyed expression and fired it off at Aria. “You really need to get rid of that goat.”

“Hey,” Aria said in a protesting tone. “I opened the gate so he could roam free! How was I supposed to know he’d actually like it here enough to stay?!”

Trixie leaned forward slightly and peered at the letter. “So, what is it?” she asked.

Adagio and Aria groaned.

“Don’t encourage her!” Adagio cried.

“Yeah,” Aria agreed, “you keep talking to her like that and she starts thinking she’s people.”

Sonata’s smile widened as she held up the letter. “I’m glad you asked, Mixie!”

Trixie narrowed her eyes. “It’s Tri—”

“This is a letter from the creators of Dinosaur Monorail, no doubt saying they love my entry for the shows series finale and will use it right away!” Sonata’s happy smile suddenly turned wild and malevolent. “You see, the conductor of the Rocket Rail decides the dinosaurs are a plague on the planet and uses the time machines to cause several volcanoes to erupt simultaneous across all the different time periods!”

Adagio’s brow knit. “How can they explode simultaneously, but in different ti—”

Sonata continued, “The eruptions wipe out all the dinosaurs!” Sonata’s grin began to grow darker and darker. “Some die quickly in the fiery explosion of debris and lava! Other’s die slowly as the ash thrown up into the sky blocks the sun and kills off the dinosaur’s food supply, causing them to slowly starve to death!” Sonata said cheerfully. Her grin suddenly went supernova. “The main family dies when the T-rex they adopted finally gives into his base predatorily instincts and devours the pterodactyls!”

“Wow…” Trixie muttered. “That sounds rather… heavy… for a children’s show.”

Sonata shrugged. “Gotta explain how all the dinosaurs died somehow!”

Adagio rolled her eyes. “Somehow I’m not hopeful they’re going to pick it up.”

Aria nodded in agreement. “Yeah! No one is going to read a script written in crayon, doofus.”

“… That’s not what—” Adagio sighed heavily. “Never mind…”

Aria continued, “They’re especially not gonna try to read anything in your chicken scratch!”

Sonata smiled. “And that’s why I drew and mailed a story board of the whole thing!”

Once again, Sonata’s words caused Adagio and Aria’s eyes to go wide.

“Sonata… you… you didn’t…” Adagio uttered.

Aria shook her head. “Those poor bastards.”

Trixie looked back between Adagio and Aria. “What? What’s the problem?”

Adagio frowned heavily. “Sonata is a very—” Adagio paused and stared upwards as if some of the messy locks of her hair contained the word she was searching for “—skilled artist.”

Aria chimed in, “Yeah, she’s great with detail, but…” Aria wrapped her arms around herself and shuttered.

Adagio picked up where Aria left off. “But what she draws is usually horrifying!”

Aria nodded. “Yeah, just imagine if that famous Italian painter dude they named a samurai tortoise after… uh… Duh Itchy had a DeviantArt account.”

Trixie cringed. “Trixie is could have lived without that mental image.” She gave Sonata a puzzled look. “But why would you want the show to end? If you like it enough to write an episode for it, why the ending?”

Sonata’s expression suddenly turned very serious. “That show has already friggin’ soared over a megalodon!”

Aria let out an exasperated sigh.

“Oh, here we go!” Adagio said in an annoyed tone as she leaned back in her chair.

Trixie’s expression revealed Sonata’s explanation did little to answer the silvery-blue haired girl’s question. “Er… Was that like… an episode, or…”

“It’s called Dinosaur Monorail!” Sonata insisted. “Not Dinosaur blimp! You know they made that stupid airship just so they could sell more toys! I mean… Who makes a show for kids just as a marketing excuse to sell a buncha toys?! That’s just evil!”

Aria suddenly sat upright as a quick shiver seemed to pass through her head and down to her toes.

Adagio cocked an eyebrow at her. “What’s your problem?”

“I dunno,” Aria replied. “For some reason I just got this weird sense of existential dread…”

Adagio rolled her eyes. “Me too, it’s called ‘listening to Sonata talk for any length of time!” She turned to Sonata. “Just open your stupid letter so we can all get on with our lives.”

Sonata happily hooked a finger into the chewed corner of the letter and tore the top open. She took out and unfolded a piece of paper then held it in front of her, her eyes slowly scanning the printed words on it. Sonata’s gleeful expression quickly fell into an ocean of disappointment. “Another restraining order.” She sighed heavily, lowered her head, and shook her head. “Story of my life…”

Adagio looked unfazed. “I knew it. Looks like we’ll have to update the list of places Sonata’s banned from, again.”

Sonata’s shoulders began to heave up and down as she quietly stood in the kitchen, her head still lowered. “Hhehhh… sob… choke…”

“Ugh… Not again,” Adagio said.

“WhouaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHOUAAAAAAHHOUAAAAAH!”

Trixie frowned as she watched Sonata suddenly erupted into body wracking sobs and tears that practically formed waterfalls going down her cheeks.

Aria placed her hands over her ears as Sonata wailed. “Seriously?! You get one of those every time you submit an episode somewhere! What’s the big deal?!”

“WHOUAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAHEEEEeeHHH… choke… But… But… sob… I tried so hard! …Sob… And I got so far! But in the end it doesn’t even matter! WHOUAAAAAAHOUAAAAAHOUAAAAAHOUAAAA!”

Aria rolled her eyes, pushed her chair away from the table and stood up. “Alright, stop bawling like a baby. Let’s go to Greasy Pizza’s already.”

Sonata looked up, her expression suddenly changing as if someone suddenly threw a switch from ‘sob miserably’ to ‘hope springs eternal’. “Can we throw skee balls at all the animatronics?” she asked in a hopeful tone.

“Is there any other reason to go?” Aria said as she walked out of the room.

“Yay!” Sonata exclaimed happily as she discarder her letter and followed Aria.

“Oh!” Trixie said as she stood up. “Trixie will go, too! Greasy Pizza’s never fails to remind me my life could always be much worse!”

Adagio chuckled as Trixie followed the other two girls. “Heh, well looks like I get a nice quiet day all to myself.”

‘SLAM!’ came the answer from the house’s door.

“Yep,” Adagio said to the empty kitchen. “Finally a day where I can just lay on the couch and not have to deal with idiots making a racket with the stupid things they’re doing.”

Silence was Adagio’s only answer. She reveled in it for a few seconds before she started to impatiently tap her foot against the kitchen floor.

Adagio sighed heavily and stood up from her chair. “Hey, wait!” She called out. “I need to get changed!” she cried as she discarder her purple robe.

Author's Notes:

Mythril Moth's Greasy Pizza's continues to be a thing that traumatizes children even across dimensions.

Also, I appear to have stumbled into some bizarre story arc. I'm sure this can only end well for all parties involved.

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait Almost Two Years

Author's Notes:

Decided to revisit this storyline as I reminded myself I mislike it when others sort of start a storyline and just kinda abandon it. This is also why it's in the middle of the chapters as it takes place directly after the one before it.

Once again, some praise deserves to fall on Tired Old Man for his edits and some suggestions regarding Greasy's decor.

ALSO, cheers or perhaps jeers deserve to be heaped on MythrilMoth for introducing me to the concept of Greasy's! To be fair to MM, however, it's T.O.M. and I who like to take this idea, set it on fire and roll it down a hill towards an orphanage before cackling madly as the flames climb high into the night.

On a final note. There's an OC of mine you can find in one of my other works. Your hint for which work is it's the only mature one I've written to date, or perhaps... fic I decided was 'adult' enough that I wouldn't be trying to slide anything past delicate sensibilities.

Anyhow, if you haven't ran screaming from your chosen horse word dispensary yet, enjoy!

“I have so many regrets,” Aria Blaze uttered as she took stock of her surroundings as well as the company surrounding her. The twin metal-framed glass-covered-with-posters-and-advertisement doors behind her made a squeak that grated on the ears as swung close with an oddly loud ‘Slam!’ that almost made Aria feel like she was now trapped in the sordid place. In front of her was a dingy arcade filled with children who frolicked in front of a dilapidated band of animatronics and ran between games so caked with grime that Aria felt dirtier just by virtue of looking at them. The children exclaimed in joy, or perhaps terror… It was difficult for Aria to gauge the attitudes of the smaller primate-based species to begin with, but the ambiance cast everything in a surreal light that made telling what direction one was facing difficult enough to tell as it was. The lights were dim and the windows sealed by drapes and quite likely paint, adding to the already strange style and atmosphere. The place looked like a bad casino in a rough neighborhood… but somehow for children.

Employees wore uniforms that burned the eyes just to look at them even in the rather dimly lit… restaurant… arcade….? restacade… Some new word that somehow combined aspects of both yet failed on all conceivable levels perhaps saving the fact that it had combined what most would admit are ‘games’ with what almost none would say is actually food. Admittedly, the place did seem somewhat successful in one regard, and that was separating currency from parents.

Though it hurt her eyes to do so, Aria once again took a look at the employees. These downtrodden souls who wore gross-colored and even grosser-looking garments ferried oddly murky colored drinks of what was probably soda and pizza that smelled more of a vegetable oil fire than anything else. Though it was far from Aria’s nature to dwell on others, she found herself pondering the predicament of these minimum wage-slaves. What lies or threats led them on to seek employment in a place untouched by both light and hope away from their homes? Would they not have rather stayed there, in what must be relative cleanliness and safety in knowing they would contract hepatitis A through Z, or however many letters there were? Greasy’s will make corpses of them all…

Like, seriously… Crack houses have to look nicer than this… Aria squinted slightly at a male employee with pale skin and sunken, bloodshot eyes surrounded with black circles. Or perhaps they’re getting money FOR their crack houses… You know what…? There’s a good chance they’re slaves or at least indentured servants…

“Well, this was your stupid idea!” Adagio Dazzle exclaimed in response to Aria. An utterance that practically seemed like it was made a lifetime ago.

“That is one of my many regrets!” Aria quipped. Shaken from her stupor of considering other people's feelings (Man, was that a pain…), Aria now considered the people she had arrived with. Adagio was the least offensive of the group, though not visually. Her flashy purple attire practically screamed ‘look at me!’ while… Alright, Aria’s getup was admittedly also somewhat eye-catching, but it at least her hair bands and belt buckle had sharper edges which tended to tell others if they got too close, they would be cut. The golden spikes that adorned Adagio’s hair-clip, belt, and boots looked downright friendly… Okay, credit where credit is due, Adagio’s boots looked lethal.

On Aria’s other side was Sonata Dusk, who wasn’t losing as many points in the outfit department, though would benefit from more spikes than just those on her bracelets. However, it was the look of childlike wonderment on Sonata’s face despite the fact that this was less a ‘fun place for children’ and what ‘literal demons from Hell probably think a fun place for children looks like!’ that placed her behind, or rather in front of, Adagio in terms of how much she was annoying Aria.

Sonata immediately peeled off from the group, unable to contain her excitement over simply entering the establishment where most would acknowledge is where hope went to die. No doubt she would lay claim to a soda and demand some of the sludge-like congealed mass that passes for pizza at this place later on.

Even if Sonata was doing much to irritate Aria just by virtue of being, it was the newcomer, the tagalong, the interloper that was irritating Aria the most with her mere presence. Trixie… probably-has-a-last-name had just so happened to be present when the call, or perhaps dirge, to head to Greasy’s had been uttered. The flamboyant magician had invited herself and no one had bothered to maybe uninvite her… Granted, that included Aria… But, come on! Doing so would be awkward and probably require some effort some and telling people what they could and could not do was what ‘the man’ did… You know, that quasi-anthropomorphic entity that represented ‘rules’ and ‘the establishment’. Regardless of what Aria wanted in the moment, it was far more important to make sure she was sticking it, and sticking it good, to the man at all times.

Anyhow, Trixie had left the Dazzling’s house still in the skin-tight black bodysuit Adagio had got her into at some point last night but had decided she simply ‘must bring my hat and cape with me’! Because, of course she did... Making her look like some sort of crazy bondage wizard… Like… like… Like maybe a mini-boss in a sex dungeon.

Aria hadn’t had much time to get to know Trixie, but she seemed both in love with herself and abrasive, meaning she fit in with the trio in the worst possible way. Aria wasn’t exactly looking forward to seeing more of the self-styled magician, then again, she rarely looked forward to seeing more of anyone. Though, she was certain that if Trixie became a regular fixture in her life, it would mean even more drama than what felt like a cup that was constantly being drowned past capacity from a firehoue.

She resolved herself to do the most effective thing she could think of to make sure this didn’t happen! Make fun of Adagio regarding Trixie when Trixie wasn’t present!

As luck would have it, Trixie also seemed to take an unnaturally upbeat interest at the group's new locale and scampered away without so much as a word.

“Huh…” Aria uttered as she watched Trixie run off into the mix of children who were slowly realizing that Greasy’s was bereft of joy to be had and those who had already since buried the notion that a ‘good time’ was in their immediate, or perhaps entire, future. “Well your girlfriend seems to be happy we came here.”

Adagio rolled her eyes. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

Aria smirked. “And yet here you are on a date…” Aria took another glance around as her stomach began to sink slightly. “Though, not much of one… Heck… I think we’re in negative numbers at this point…”

“Oh, so if this is a date are you taking Sonata out?”

Aria scanned the area for Sonata. Predictably, she found her in front of a skee-ball machine, laughing delightedly and lobbing the balls in the general direction of the machine with enough force that they were bouncing off and hitting other children and their parents nearby.

Aria let out a heavy sigh. “Let’s just order something and sit down…” she grumbled.

Soon the pair had ordered items that possibly would be edible, at least… one could always hope, and had found a booth with a faded yellow table and faded rounded red bench seats to sit at. A booth that looked much like the others around save for the seemingly random assortment of colors that other booths were, once upon a time, painted with. With some terpidatious hesitation as the girls looked over a misshapen and cracked booth that had it’s own layer of filth, as if considering if the thing would take their weight or was worth the risk of catching something, both Aria and Adagio opted to collapsed into their own benches. The girls let out massive sighs as if they were already exhausted with the day, though given their surroundings, that was understandable.

“No! MINE! MY TURN!”

Both turned to watch Sonata push a child out of the way of a dilapidated whack-a-mole station. She put her own quarter in a slot that was so worn the red lettering around it had long since vanished. She picked up a metal rod that had a few errant patches of filth-ridden padding still clinging onto it. As the machine let out a few off-tune tones that once probably made up a song at one point, Sonata’s face lit up with glee.

“Hey, nutbar!” Aria called out.

“Up yours, Aria!” Sonata called back without taking her eyes off the game.

Aria rolled her eyes. “Yeah, don’t burn any brain cells getting’ back at me or nothin’… Anyhow we’re sitting here!”

Sonata glanced back for a split second. “Okay!” she replied as she began smashing brown lumps that were vaguely animal-shaped with enough force that the impacts made audible ‘clanks’ as metal hit metal.

“Well… At least Sonata stopped crying,” Aria uttered, shaking her head.

“Trixie is having far more fun than I would have expected, too,” Adagio mused as she nodded off into the cavalcade of kids and game.

“—and voila!” Trixie said as she revealed empty palms. “The quarter has disappeared! But what’s this…” Trixie reached towards the ear of a grey-skinned girl with purple hair and pulled back her hand, revealing a quarter. The child crying out in delight, it wasn’t long before Trixie’s getup and demeanor had attracted the attention of other kids while her outfit had attracted the attention of some of the male adults. Trixie quite quickly and happily began performing tricks for any and all that were fortunate to grace her presence.

Aria couldn’t help but smirk. “Jealous?” she said as she turned towards Adagio. “Trixie is getting more attention than you.”

Adagio rolled her eyes. “She’s getting the attention of children and bored men… I could accomplish the same by wearing clown makeup and a skimpy outfit,” she quipped.

Aria chuckled. “That’d give people some interesting fetishes.”

The two watched as a peach-skinned employee with brown hair walked up to Trixie and nervously tapped on his shoulder. “Ma’am? Uh… We appreciate what you’re doing, but you’re not an Employee of Greasy’s, so—”

Trixie turned, irritated scowl on her face. “THE GRRRREAT AND POWERFUL TRRRRRIXIE IS HAVING FUN AS ARE THESE CHILDREN!” Trixie said as she motioned to respectable number of fans that were watching her show. “WHY DO YOU HATE FUN AND ALSO CHILDREN?!” she demanded. “WHY DO YOU HATE HAPPINESS?!”

The employee whimpered slightly at Trixie. “Please don’t make this hard… I only get paid minimum wage…”

Adagio and Aria watched the spectacles unfold in front of them with twin looks of detached amusement. “Wow…” Aria uttered. “Trixie might get us kicked out before Sonata does…” she mused. Aria shook her head. “Hell, it’s kinda a feat to get kicked out of Greasy’s in the first place.”

A waitress with mocha-colored skin, long, bright emerald eyes that seemed oddly undulled by even the weariness of the establishment, and light-brown hair that draped over her shoulders approached. She wore a uniform composed of plaid stripes that looked as if all the primary colors had a war in which no one could possibly win, walked up and set down a fizzy brown beverage in front of Adagio and a murky yellow-colored drink in front of Aria. “Here you go, one brown cola and one yellow soda.” She set down a pizza covered in what might generously be called ‘cheese’ that was mostly clumped into a gelatinous mass on one half as reddish circles dotted the grease soaked mass of dough. “And one pepperoni pizza.”

Adagio and Aria frowned as they stared at their beverages. “Brown cola…?” Adagio uttered. “I ordered a Coke…” she leaned forward and sniffed her drink, recoiling back into her plastic chair immediately. “And I don’t think this is even a Pepsi… or consumable.”

The waitress sighed. “It’s really not…” she admitted.

Aria eyed her own beverage suspiciously. “I take it this isn’t Mountain Dew, either?”

“Er, not as much, no,” the waitress answered.

Adagio smirked at Aria. “Drink it,” she said. “It’s all just disgusting sugar water anyway.”

Aria narrowed her eyes. “You first.”

Adagio’s eyes drifted down towards her glass and as she pursed her lips. Adagio looked up at the waitress. “Do you sell alcohol here?” she asked in a tone bereft of hope.

The waitresses’ face contorted in befuddlement. “This is an arcade and pizza parlor… for children.”

“Barely…” Adagio mumbled as she reached a hand down below the table and came back up with a metal flask.

“I would think that’s all the more reason to serve booze,” Aria quipped.

Adagio untwisted the cap of the flask and brought it over to the ‘brown cola’ where she quickly was blocked by with waitress. She narrowed her eyes slightly.

Aria mirrored Adagio’s irritated expression. “You aren’t going to nark on us, are you?”

The waitress shook her head. “No, it’s just that whatever is in that flask has got to be way more palatable than what passes for syrup here, let alone water,” she said, surprising both Adagio and Aria by grabbing the flask. She took a quick swig and handed it back to Adagio with a smile. “Oh, God… I needed that.”

Adagio and Aria stared at the waitress as Adagio grabbed hold of her flask, their faces a mixture of surprise and impressed.

“Uh, wow…” Aria uttered. “Way to stick it to the man, and all that… but, uh… aren’t you afraid your slave master is gonna catch you and you’ll get whipped or fired?”

“… Slave master?” the waitress replied in confusion.

“She means ‘manager’, I’m sure,” Adagio answered.

“There’s a cute magician running around wearing nothing but a wizard hat, cape, and skin-tight bodysuit and a young adult woman assaulting a whack-a-mole station…” The waitress shook her head. “I doubt I’d get a look even if I caught fire!” Her eyes went on a quick if distant jaunt. “...This happens more than you would think…” she uttered in a hushed tone.

“Well then…” Adagio purred as she motioned towards the booth that Aria was sitting at. “Why don’t you take a little break? Carpe diem, and all that… You never know when your next breath will be your last due to internal combustion or wearing clothes soaked in grease.”

Aria fought her impulse to fire off a ‘get lost’ stare and even scooted over slightly so the waitress would have a spot to sit.

The waitress accepted the offer and sat down at the both, a small smile on her face. “Name’s Oddjob,” the waitress said as she extended a hand to Aria.

A couple eyebrows at the table rose as Oddjob’s hand was taken and shook by Aria and then Adagio.

“Your parents spy-movie nuts, or something?” Aria asked.

Oddjob smiled and nodded. “Yep, you hit the exploding pen right on the cap, or whatever…”

Adagio gave Oddjob a scrutinizing look.

“Uh… What?” Oddjob replied. “Did my face break out in another mysterious rash, or something?!” she asked as she felt her face.

Adagio shook her head. “No, it’s just… You don’t seem dead inside.”

“Yet,” Aria added.

“Right, yet.” Adagio tilted her head. “Is it really that hard to find a job that you have to work here?”

Oddjob shrugged. “I’ve worked worse…”

Adagio and Aria both shot Oddjob uncharacteristically concerned looks.

“Is that…” Adagio took another look around. “Is that even possible, while still being legal?!”

“Yeah, no kidding, dude!” Aria chimed in. “Like where?! Didja end up working as a janitor at an irritated bowel convention, or something?!”

Oddjob’s emerald eyes seemed to leave the rest of her on a journey. A journey of horrors and scars that would likely be with them until they finally were put to rest. “I don’t like to talk about my past jobs!” Oddjob exclaimed. She sighed. “Usually my current one, too…”

“I hear ya,” Aria replied. She shook her head. “I mean… Workin’ for the man has gotta be pretty lame to begin with, but then you consider a place like this…”

Adagio gave Aria an amused look. “Hah! Like you have one clue. You’ve never worked a single day in your whole life!”

“Well, d’uh!” Aria shot back. “I just said working would be the worst! Why’d I’d even bother?”

“Maybe so you can stop being a mooch off society and also me?” Adagio suggested. “I mean, not being a sponge for even one day or a few hours I’m sure would build some much needed character.”

Oddjob let out a small laugh. “At least the benches is having something like a cleaning supply touch them for a change.” The quip won her a guffaw from Adagio and an irate glare that silently promised violence from Aria that Oddjob met with a nervous smile.

“I’m not a sponge!” Aria insisted. “I’m like… a rebel! I commit mass crimes, yo! Punk rock!” Aria shouted as she put up both her hands up and formed ‘horns’ with her index fingers and pinkies.

Adagio giggled. “A rebel who mostly sits at home and plays video games and watches TV… Right… I’m sure ‘the man’s’ ribs are covered and bruises from all the times you’ve stuck it to him by illegally downloading animes after they were licensed.”

Oddjob couldn’t help but snicker to herself.

Aria grit her teeth. “Screw you, Adagio! Also, there’s no need to pluralize anime… you idiot.”

Oddjob grinned. “You had to stop and think before you called her ‘baka’, didn’t you?”

“You can’t prove that!” Aria snapped.

“Hah!” Adagio exclaimed as she shook her head. “Well if you want to get out of this rut of doing pretty much nothing, they’re hiring,” Adagio said as she pointed towards a sign pasted on the front door, the words ‘Now Hiring’ shining backwards inside. She snickered. “Maybe you can work your way from grease trap emptier to manager and change this place from the inside?” Adagio shook her head. “You know… get new hardcore video games for the kids, and make the prizes spiked bracelets and katanas…”

“Adagio, that’s stupid… That’d be still be me working for the man… unless…” Aria thought for a moment. “Wait, there’s an irony component here that I could maybe make work…” She shook her head. “Naw… I’d end up breaking some soccer mom’s face on my first day and getting fired, so why bother?”

“Oh, we have other positions available,” Oddjob said. “We need a nightguard, for instance.”

Adagio’s face tightened as she looked around. “For what?! To keep the grime from crawling away from its designated area?” She shook her head. “I can understand that there’s perhaps quite a few quarters to pilfer, but that also means touching stuff in here.” Adagio sighed. “Just sitting in this booth I feel I might need to burn the clothes I’m in and take a long, hot shower spent sobbing to myself naked in the corner.”

Oddjob looked down at her uniform and shuddered. “Can I have another drink?”

Adagio passed her the flask to Oddjob who took another swig. “Anyway,” Oddjob continued as she passed the flask back to Adagio. “I don’t think I’d recommend the job even beyond you having to work here.” She leaned in, placing a hand next to her mouth as if shielding the conversation from unwanted listeners. “I’m pretty sure this place is haunted.”

“Oh, really?!” Aria replied, her amethyst eyes lighting up.

Adagio sighed and raised fingertips to her forehead. “Why’d you have to tell her that?”

“Wait…” Oddjob said. “You guys believe me? I kinda expected to be laughed out of this booth.”

“A place like this?” Aria said motioning around her. “Of course I believe it’s haunted… I mean, I probably would have come to that conclusion myself but something about this place makes it difficult to think…” Aria smiled slightly and leaned in, using a hand to shield the conversation from others much like Oddjob had done. “I think it’s some sort of ectoplasmic miasma…” she whispered.

Adagio rolled her eyes. “Or just grease burning off from the kitchen…”

“It could be both,” Oddjob chimed in.

“Stop encouraging her!” Adagio snapped.

“So, anyways… It’s not so much a guard job as a Ghost Busting job?” Aria asked hope clearly springing eternal in her voice.

“Uh… No?” Oddjob replied. “I think it’s just supposed to be a regular guard job except you just kind of put up with the ghosts and try not to get driven insane or get killed, maybe?”

Aria’s smile only grew. “So if I actually busted the ghosts I’d also get the bonus of disobeying my corporate overlords?!”

It was Oddjob’s turn to look around her surroundings. “I think you’re overestimating Greasy’s size a bit here…”

Adagio snickered. “Corporate HQ is a filthy room in the back, I take it?”

Oddjob hugged herself as her body temporarily became wracked with mini-quakes. “The filthiest…”

Clearly not listening, Aria looked at the hiring sign again and then at Oddjob. “Do you get like… money or a bonus for helping me get a job?”

“Uh… I get like 100 tickets for the prize exchange or something…”

Adagio chuckled. “The finest cheap, bootleg toys from countries with no respect for copyrights that tickets can buy.”

“Good enough for me!” Aria exclaimed.

Aria place her hands on Oddjob’s shoulders and pushed her out of the booth before practically dragging the startled woman away with an “Ah!”

“Let’s go!” Aria said excitedly as she bolted towards the front desk.

“That’s fine…” Adagio mumbled to herself, irritation having crawled onto her face where it began to nest. “I’ll just sit here alone then with this pizza… By the looks of it, it has a few stories to tell and can probably hold a better conversation anyhow.”

“Oh, Adagio~!” Trixie warbled out. “The Grrrrrreat and Powerful Trixie can use a sexy assistant for her next trick!”

Adagio pursed her lips slightly and drummed on the table with her fingertips a couple times. “Only if I get my own cape!” she shouted back.

“Trixie brought spares!”

“… Yeah, alright…” Adagio replied as she got up from the booth.

One Night at Greasy's (Come On... You All Saw This Coming)

“HOW DID I GET ROPED INTO THIS?!” Oddjob exclaimed as she found herself walking back into Greasy’s, having swapped out her plaid, the-primary-colors-have-all-fought-and-died-fighting-each-other uniform for a blue one that radiated with as much authority as an ill-fitting I-have-some-authority-here-but-I’m-clearly-not-police uniform could.

“I force you into it,” Aria answered as Oddjob held the door open for her, “as well as your boss, with threats of violence, to let you watch my back,” she concluded matter-of-factually. She walked in the building, likewise wearing a uniform, though her shirt was untucked and unbuttoned to show off a black sports bra and well-toned muscles. She also carried a duffle bag that was clearly filled to almost bursting and straining with weight that Aria herself wasn’t paying any mind to. “But hey, you get like, overpay or something, right?”

Oddjob let out a sad sigh. “No… They said something about this being a completely different position, and therefore, not counting towards my forty hours.”

“Huh,” Aria uttered as Oddjob let the door close and locked it up. “I’m no, like, magistrate, but that sounds illegal.”

“… Magistrate?”

“You know… Someone who knows laws and junk.”

“… You mean like a lawyer?!”

“Yeah, whatever!” Aria replied. “Law-thing… The point is it sounds like you're being screwed and not in the good way.”

Oddjob let out a sad sigh. “Story of my life…” She shook her head as if to clear it. “Okay, so I do get a bit more money,” Oddjob looked around nervously as the meager amount of streetlight turned what were presumably booths and arcade game cabinets into a collection of sinister silhouettes lurking just on the outskirts of visibility. “But this place is scary enough when the lights are on! I don’t want to be here in the dark!”

“Oh woman up, you baby,” Aria replied. “It’s not like I dragged you here so we could be possessed or munched on by ghosts.” Aria raised her duffle bag and gave it a few heavy pats. “I brought the tools of the trade.”

“Like… security guard stuff?”

“Uh… Well, night vision goggles and a couple flashlights, sure, but… What… you really think that’s why we’re here?”

“‘Do I think we’re here to do the job we’re being paid for?’” Oddjob warbled out in a somewhat sarcastic tone.

“Careful,” Aria growled out, “You’re my wing-buster on this, but I put up with enough of that condescending garbage from Adagio.”

“Okay, sorry,” Oddjob said. “But, I assumed we’d maybe hang out in the guard area and make the rounds a few times before our shift ended. Not uh…. Whatever it is you apparently think we’re going to do?”

“We’re gonna bust ghosts, of course!” Aria said excitedly. She raised her duffle bag again. “Hence all the equipment.”

“… Words fail me,” Oddjob replied.

Aria shook her head. “Whatever… Anyway, wanna burn this place down when we’re done?” Aria suggested.

Oddjob’s jaw dropped almost low enough that it touched the floor.

“You know… ‘cause your evil corporate masters are stiffing your pay. All the grease covering everything, I bet it goes up like a roman candle.”

“What?! No!” Oddjob shouted. “As much as I don’t want to do this creepy nightguard job, I still have a not quite as creepy waitress/pizza cook/ticket unjammer job to think about!”

“Wow is that sad.”

“I knoooooow!” Oddjob lamented. She shook her head. “This place being burnt down would hamper my ability to get a paycheck.” She thrust a finger at Aria. “And yours.”

“Pffft, like I care.” Aria raised her duffle bag slightly. “The stuff I brought is probably worth more than the entire building and everything in it…”

Oddjob peered at the duffle bag curiously before redirecting her gaze back towards Aria. “Still! No arson!”

Aria shrugged. “Okay, but I can’t help it if this place goes up with us shooting out positive charged ion rays in the directions of any ghosts that are unfortunate enough to cross our paths.”

“… I have several questions.”

“Maybe they can wait to get to ghostbusting HQ.”

“You mean the security desk?”

“That sounds lame and also vaguely associated with ‘the man’, but sure… We’re taking over and can call it whatever we want.” She shook her head. “Let’s just get the lights on.”

“Uh, we’re supposed to conserve power. We only have so much to work with tonight. Didn’t you listen to my and, by extension, your boss when you filled out the paperwork?”

“To answer your question, no, no I did not. I just sort of nodded and grunted. That’s how I get by when Sonata is telling me about one of her dumb shows. Also… What?!”

“Yeah, Greasy’s is set to only allow so much energy during the night so it can save on money. Basically, we have enough power to keep the cameras going during the night and maybe we can use a flashlight if we’re careful.”

“… I… Look… I wasn’t going to turn on all the lights while I play all the filthy arcade games and dance to the crummy looking animatronics, but what kind of horrible place are you guys running if it’s a big deal to switch on the lights so we don’t run smack into the filthy video games while we’re doing the rounds?!” Aria shook her head. “I swear, I’m regretting not going out to get a tetanus shot today just based on this insanity.”

“The bosses like to save money wherever they can,” Oddjob said matter of factually.

“Well… that explains literally everything.” Aria shook her head. “But that’s still the dumbest thing ever… Of all time. And this is coming from someone who’s roommate knows all the words to every kids’ song that’s ever existed as far as I can tell!”

“Uh… How many kids songs do you know exist?”

“Too many!” Aria retorted. “Look, let’s just get to HQ so we can see whatever tools this run-down operation gives us for catching ghosts.”

“Uh…okay… I mean… it’s just in the back here…” Oddjob said as she locked the door behind her and Aria. She led Aria through the open space in front of the front counters and ‘Prize Gallery’, labeled with day-glow yellow construction paper and marker, both so tattered and faded one had to wonder if the sign was older than most those collecting prizes as well as their caretakers.

The girls made their way behind the counter with its myriad of cheap plastic toys, Aria taking care not to smash her heavy bag into anything on the way in. They entered through a doorway into the pitch-black hallway of the ‘Employee’s Only’ Area’ where they proceeded to place a hand on the nearest wall and grope about as they slowly made their way through the darkness.

“Oddjob… just… What the hell are we doing?” Aria grumbled out in a dissatisfied tone.

“It’s fine!” Oddjob insisted. “I’m sure the security room is close!”

“This place isn’t some sort of maze… It’s just as much space as you need to trap children with games and run-down animatronic mascots.”

“No… No… I got it! It’s… Okay… that’s clearly a storage closet, but I’ve got a good feeling about the next room! Right… HERE!” she said triumphantly.

“Oddjob… That’s my left boob…”

“So it is!” Oddjob said in the same triumphant tone if somewhat mixed with embarrassment.

“Oh for the love of…” There was the sound of a zipper unzipping and some light fumbling before a flashlight was switched on, the beam pointed up to highlight Aria’s unamused expression as Oddjob looked at her with a slightly flushed look from the dim outskirts the illumination provided.

Aria passed a flashlight to Oddjob before rummaging around in her duffle bag and producing one for herself.

Oddjob examined her flashlight slightly, taking care not to point the beam in Aria’s face. “Whoa… this has some heft to it,” she commented as she looked over the black flashlight that was about as long as her forearm. “I feel like I could club someone to death with this.”

Aria chuckled. “Yeah…” she said as she searched around with her flashlight.

As Aria’s light passed over Oddjob’s eyes she winced slightly and held a hand in front of her face. “Why’d you get such huge flashlights anyhow?”

“Uh… In case I need to club someone to death?” answered Aria. “There!” she exclaimed as she pointed her flashlight into a small room with a black-and-metal speckled desk. Upon the desk was set a small metal desk-fan, several box-shaped security monitors, and some aging audio equipment that looked like it might work with walkie talkies or a PA system. A single black rectangular speaker with two black cones was set beneath the desk. Wires ran out of the devices and up towards the ceiling where a solitary, almost lonely looking light dangled from above.

Oddjob switched off her flashlight and followed Aria into the office where Aria hefted her duffle bag onto the desk and began examining the equipment nearby. Aria chuckled. “Wow… I think this security equipment is older than you…”

Oddjob’s face tightened. “Uh… You mean older than us.”

“…Yeah… Not likely,” Aria replied. She looked around the room with her flashlight temporarily blinding Oddjob once again. Her light fell on a single switch. “Hey… Can we turn on the power here, or are the corporate fat-cats gonna sick their watchdogs on us if we do?”

“I think we—”

“No, wait! Are the corporate pigs gonna sick their watchdogs on us?” Aria said with a smile. “You know, like in Animal Farm…”

“Yeah, I get it,” Oddjob said with an eye roll as she walked over to the switch. “I’m pretty sure we’re good to turn on one light up there. Plus we’re going to need the equipment.”

“Do we though?” Aria snarked.

With a sigh, Oddjob flipped on the switch causing the ceiling lamp to flicker on and bathe, or more accurately, moisten the room with light.

“Let there be light,” Aria said unenthusiastically. “All 20 watts of it,” she added.

Oddjob let out an anxious giggle and shrugged. “Okay, it’s not much, but we should conserve the flashlight batteries…”

“Uh… these aren’t some garage sale pieces of junk, you know. They’re LED lights and can be left on for like 90 hours or something…”

“Okay, but that doesn’t mean we should just waste power!”

Aria rolled her eyes and shut off her own flashlight. “Alright, hippy. I’ll make sure to bring Mother Nature a plate of nice tea and compost and separate all my papers and plastics, or whatever.”

Using the meager light she had, Aria took in the room, what little there was to take in. “I can see why they only wanted one person, there’s barely any room in here.” Glancing at the two doorways leading into the office, she noted two large square buttons, a glowing red one with the word ‘DOOR’ under it, and unlit button with the word ‘LIGHT’ printed under it. Aria pressed the ‘DOOR’ button. The button went from glowing red to green and Aria’s eyes opened slightly in surprise as a solid metal door suddenly fell from the frame with a solid, echoing sound like a prison gate being slammed shut. Smiling to herself Aria knocked on the door a few times letting the satisfying sound metal being wrapped on sound out. “Hah! Dang… Who are they trying to keep out? Friday Cougar?” She chuckled adding. “Guess these doors would certainly stop a horde of screaming children hopped up on birthday cake and ice cream…”

Her eyebrows knit in irritation, Oddjob walked over and hit the door button, opening it.

Aria let out a sigh. “Don’t tell me it takes power to keep the door closed!”

“Well… it does…”

“HOW?!” Aria exclaimed.

“Uh… I think it’s like some sort of electromagnetic counter-weight system or something? So, whoever is guarding isn’t trapped inside if the power goes out.”

“That’s bull…” Aria trailed off and thought for a moment. “Huh… that’s a more sensible answer than I was expecting,” Aria admitted. “Still though, this is kinda a horrible panic room if zombies attack or something…”

“I don’t think they built this place with ‘zombie attacks’ in mind, Aria,” Oddjob said, the first hints of exasperation entering her voice.

“Well, they should have!” Aria countered. She walked back over to the security desk and grunted as she leaned over her duffle bag. She switched on one of the monitors. “At least the camera’s work… Let’s see… bathroom… hallway… busted up animatronics…” Aria gasped.

Oddjob swallowed. “… What?” she asked in an anxious tone.

Aria’s face lit up as she began rummaging through her bag. “Slime ghost!” she declared excitedly as Oddjob heard a few beeps before Aria slung on some sort of black, vaguely rectangular and oblong pack, grabbed her flashlight, and dashed through one of the open doors.

Oddjob’s eyes widened as she heard the hum of something electronic come to life in Aria’s wake. She took a quick glance at the monitor Aria was looking at. “Slime gh— Aria! Wait!” she called out as she broke into pursuit after Aria, switching on her flashlight. “That’s just the kitchen! WAAAAAAAAIT!”

Author's Notes:

I've been informed the camera doesn't work in the kitchen in FnaF. I'm claiming artistic license here and the fact that this is 'Greasy's'... it's MUCH worse.

I Ain't Afraid of No Blobbish Gray... Piles.

Author's Notes:

I'm just going to leave this at the 'end' for a bit so I don't have to answer questions as to why I keep publishing the same chapter over and over again. I'll move it back to the other Greasy chapters later... probably.

If this comment seems like 'news' to you, you might want to check the middilish chapters for new content.

Her boots clicked against crust-covered linoleum as Aria half-ran, half-stumbled through the nearly pitch black hallways of Greasy’s. Her sprint occasionally interrupted with a bump against a table or small, plastic chair with a shin. Cursing to herself, she fumbled with the device in her hand and her flashlight briefly until she got the latter on, just in time to light-up a red-sauce splattered wall she was about to get a little too personal with. Aria rotated slightly and slid in an attempt to stop, something that only happened when she felt her left shoulder slam into the wall.

Grunting in displeasure as she practically peeled her shoulder off the sickeningly sticky wall, Aria could hear Oddjob’s tennis shoes squeaking after her and noted another flashlight bobbing up and down as her ‘wing-guard’ did her best to catch up. “WAAAAAAAIT!” Oddjob’s pleading voice called out.

Aria smirked and pointed her flashlight forward, noting her target was just in sight. “Sorry, O.J., but the first kill… er… bust is mine!” She exclaimed as she marched purposely into the room containing what Aria had identified as ‘a whiteish-gray slime monster, or some junk’.

While holding the flashlight up in her left hand, she used her left forearm to help prop-up her right arm and took careful aim. A small red button under a small toggle called out for her thumb which she stretched out to press the—

“WAAAAAIT!” Oddjob screamed, throwing herself in front of Aria.

Her eyes going wide, Aria quickly pointed her device upward where a fiery-orange blast of energy fired out as blue arcs of what looked like electricity danced around it.

Her face contorted in fear, Oddjob stared up at the singed and still-burning ceiling as she attempted to say something coherent. “Bwa-ba-bwa-bwa-bwa…” This was proving exceedingly difficult at the moment.

“Oddjob?! The HELL?! I was gonna shot a slime monster!”

“Well you almost shot me!” Oddjob shouted incredulously.

“Not my fault!” insisted Aria. “You jumped in the line of fire! Semper Fi!”

“I am positive that doesn’t mean what you think it means, and there’s no slime monster in here!”

Aria rolled her eyes. “Yeah, ‘cause you ran in and it got spooked… no pun intended.”

“No… ugh…” Oddjob shifted slightly out of the way of Aria’s flashlight and pointed to a grayish blob on the counter next to the oven. The grey semi-solid goo that made up its composition ran down the side of the counter, over a couple of drawers and even pooled on the floor somewhat. Her teeth clamped tightly as she heard another hum from Aria’s device, something like electricity spooling up to fire out bolts of lightning. “It’s just the grease pile!”

Aria lowered the aperture of her device once more. “‘The grease pile’ ?!” She asked in a disbelieving tone. “As in a designated place to pile grease?!”

“Well yeah…” Oddjob said. “Like… okay… you know how you make bacon and you keep like a jar or a coffee can on the side to fill with the excess grease?”

Aria tossed a sideways glance at the disgusting pile of dingy grey material. “I know that’s a thing that people do, sure.”

“Okay… it’s like that.”

“But there’s no jar or coffee can!” Aria countered.

“Rumor is there is one under the pile somewhere!” Oddjob said with a smile.

“Oddjob?”

“Yes, Aria?”

“Your job and your unreasonable upbeat attitude about it disgust me.”

Oddjob sighed. “I know…” Her eyes finally settled on the aperture in Aria’s right hand that was connected to whatever was slung on Aria’s back, which was some sort of misshapen black backpack sized item. Towards the bottom a quad of four red lights were set in a round dish that looked to be held in place with a black bracket and the mother of all bolts. Wires lead up from this into other parts of the more rectangular, if sometimes bulbous pack which connected elsewhere in the device only for a few more wires and hoses to come out and reattach elsewhere. A single blue strip of LEDs, which probably indicated something, set near the upper left hand corner of the device, and on the near opposite end, a hose attachment let into the aperture which Aria held.

An aperture that fired lightning, real lightning, as far as Oddjob could tell. The whole thing looked very sciencey, a technical term Oddjob was sure, and somehow makeshift at the same time… Like some mad scientist type had made it in his garage.

“Where the heck did you even get that?!” Oddjob exclaimed, pointing with enough enthusiasm to match her tone.

“Oh,” Aria glanced at the aperture in her hand proudly. “I kinda have it on loan from some people… you know… The Real Ghostbusters.”

“…Uh… I thought they were made up…”

Aria threw her hands up in the air. “Why the hell would I say ‘real’ if they were fake?! What would be the point?!”

“Well, why did you bother to add in the ‘real’ part anyways?!”

Aria grunted in displeasure. “There’s just been a handful of ghostbuster teams, and not all of them have exactly added a lot of ‘cred’ to the whole ghost busting gig…” Aria rubbed her chin and thought for a moment. “I think like two had a gorilla in them.”

Oddjob’s lips tightened slightly as her eyes widened. “... What?”

“I know, right!” Aria exclaimed. “And I guess the gorilla was the smartest of the bunch in those cases, too! Like… Who's going to take a profession seriously where the leading expert’s favorite pastime most likely involves a tire swing?”

“Er… Fair enough… I guess…” Oddjob nodded towards the pack on Aria’s back. “So… you can really catch ghosts with it?”

Aria face tightened. “No, stupid. I just lug this thing around incase someone decides to throw an impromptu cosplay party at venues I know will be closed and empt- OF COURSE I CAN REALLY CATCH GHOST WITH IT!”

“Okay, but you almost set fire to this whole place with it…” Oddjob looked up. “In fact, I should get that smoldering ceiling…”

Aria watched, her face a mixture of surprise and pity, as Oddjob turned on the sink, which spat out water only after a groan that suggested the sink might be haunted, and hunted down a rusty pot. Oddjob half-filled the pot with water and then brought it over towards the small flames above where she flung the water in the direction of the errant flames that were slowly eating at the smoke soaked ceiling.

The dingy water splashed against the top and the flames went out, much to Oddjob’s satisfaction.

Aria raised a thumb and forefinger to her face and rubbed at her eyes. “Okay… I’m going to forego asking about any fire extinguishers.”

“Thanks,” Oddjob said, “I appreciate that.”

“However!” Aria exclaimed dramatically.

Oddjob let out a long, annoyed sigh.

Aria continued as she scowled up at the scorched ceiling that Oddjob had just dampened. “I just blasted the ceiling and melted a sprinkler head…” Aria nodded upwards to a slagged metal lump that was attached to a pipe above. “Shouldn’t there be like… water pouring out of it, or something? You know… comically drenching the two of us?”

“Comically?”

“Well, I’d say ‘sexily’, but my jumpsuit and your uniform aren’t exactly going to up that factor just by getting wet.”

“… Who the heck would we be getting ‘sexy’ for in this case?!”

“The camera, stupid,” Aria replied, her eyes dropping slightly.

“What camera?!”

Aria rolled her eyes and pointed towards the security camera.

“Oh, right… Uh, the sprinkler-heads are just for show, anyways.”

“… What?”

“Yeah… They’re not hooked up to any water pipes or anything… They’re just kinda there to give the pizza cooks a false sense of security.”

Oddjob suddenly felt stinging pain in the side of her face courtesy of Aria slapping her hard.

“OW! What the heck, Aria?!” Oddjob exclaimed as she raised a hand to her face.

“The thing you just said made me very angry,” Aria informed, “… And like… I think maybe you should take a moment to reevaluate your life choices or at least try to dig down and found some dignity or something regarding where you work?”

Oddjob rubbed her cheek. “Okay, but you work here now, too!”

“Yeah, but only ‘cause I want to bust ghosts… I mean… Getting hired and having them hand you a key to this place makes what I’m doing substantially less illegal… I think... At the very least if the fuzz shows up I can tell them I’m a security guard and don’t have to explain any broken windows or doors cracked open with a crowbar.”

“Okay, but what about THAT?” Oddjob asked as she pointed at Aria’s ghostbusting equipment. “These have got to be crazy illegal.”

“Naw,” Aria said dismissively. “There’s no laws on the books about simply having a device that fires off positively charged protons.”

“… Are you trying to tell me weapon laws work on the ‘Airbud’ principle?!”

“They kinda do,” Aria replied. “I mean… flamethrowers are legal in most states...”

Oddjob clamped her eyes shut and began to massage her temples with her fingertips. “I can’t believe this…”

Aria rolled her eyes. “Oh, stop being such a little whiner about this! I brought you one too.”

“I…” Oddjob trailed off slightly. Her emerald eyes suddenly lighting up as if flickers of positively charged energy beams were being fired past. She suddenly felt her cares and concerns for her place of work melt like so much grease collecting on a countertop. Finally, a smirk flashed across her face. “Let’s bust some frickin’ ghosts!” she declared.

Aria put on a smirk to match. “That’s the spirit!”

Oddjob’s face tightened. “Did you just—?!”

Her smiling widening, Aria slapped a hand down on Oddjob’s shoulder and exited the kitchen. “Alright, let’s suit up.”

Despite her initial excitement, Oddjob found herself letting out groan of anticipated displeasure. “I just know I’m going to regret doing this…”

“What?!” Aria called back. “Like you regret every day of being a waitress here?!”

“I… Wow! Shut up!” Oddjob demanded as she turned and began following Aria. “I mean… Good point, but still! Shut up!”

A Not so Special Christmas Special

Author's Notes:

Happy National Fruit Cake day, everyone!

“Mistletoe!” Adagio Dazzle cried as she held a branch of a plant with green leaves and white berries over the head of a fair-skinned male teenager. The teenager was wearing a gray beanie and unbuttoned red shirt over a white-and-gray striped V-neck. Clothing that soon had Adagio’s hands all over it as Adagio pounced on him, bringing him to the ground and planting a wet sloppy kiss on his face.

A woman with fiery red-and-yellow hair stormed up to the scene. Her teal blouse billowed slightly under her black leather jacket as she swiftly stepped up above Adagio and her victim who was trying and failing to get the mess of curly orange hair and the woman attached to it off of him.

“Adagio!” Sunset cried angrily as Adagio continued to ‘make-out’ with the boy under her, though with the beanie wearing boy’s struggling, this ended up being quite a bit of lip and face licking.

Adagio paused giving the boy yet another coat of tongue applied Adagio drool to slur out, “Wait yer turrn! Thersh plenty of holiday ch-cheer to go ‘round!”

Sunset’s eyes widened. “Wait… How much eggnog have you had to drink?” Her eyes suddenly narrowed. “And did you spike it?”

“Who’sshh awshking?!”

Sunset’s left eye began to twitch. “Sunset Shimmer. You know, the girl who helped thwart your evil plot—”

“Down’t be hatin’ on my plot ‘caush you jelly!”

Sunset grit her teeth. “Not that plot! I helped stop you from getting all your siren powers back!”

Adagio paused, her hands pinning down the arms of her squirming, protesting victim. She turned towards Sunset and glared at her. “Hawve I made out with you yet?”

“… No.”

Adagio grinned evilly. “Well I will ssshoooon!”

With a huff, Sunset turned towards a group of students milling about Canterlot High’s indoor gym. She picked out a girl with twin-purple pony tails held in place by silver stars. “Aria! Can’t you restrain Adagio or… I don’t know, do anything?!”

Aria Blaze took a swig out of something in her red plastic cup and watched as Adagio shouted “Mishtletoe!” before launching herself on top of Fluttershy. Fluttershy let out a startled “Meep!” as her face flushed red and Adagio jammed her tongue down her throat.

Aria shook her head. “No way. She’s licked my face enough as it is.” She took another swig of her drink and gave Sunset an indignant look. “And excuse you, but I set up the tree!”

Sunset scoffed, glancing at the stage were a sad looking pine-tree branch with a single round red ornament. “Yes, I saw that. How very Charlie Brown of you.”

Aria furrowed her brow. “Who?”

Sunset smacked a palm against her face. “I can’t believe Principal Celestia allowed you three to organize the Christmas party after Pinkie got the flu.”

“Why don’t you get one of your other friends to help you if you’re that worried?” Aria asked.

“MAMMA SAID NOG YOU OUT!”

Sunset and Aria turned as they heard Rainbow Dash’s bizarre cry. Rainbow Dash and Applejack stood in the middle of a group of students, their faces practically buried in two red cups as they chugged the substances inside. Wearing a festive holiday dress with her cheeks flushed red on her white face, Rarity stood next to a tally board divided into an ‘AJ’ section in green and ‘RD’ section in red with equal marks in both. She clutched a red cup in one hand as she held onto a green and a red marker in the other.

Sunset let out a sad sigh. “They seem to be getting into the festivities.”

“Yeah, putting Adagio in charge of drinks will make that happen.” Aria took another sip of her own drink, then frowned as she reached into a pocket. “Though, guess she pulled her punches a bit.”

Sunset furrowed her brow. “This is not a time for puns.”

“The heck are you talking about?” Aria asked as she pulled out a silver hip flask that bore a five-point purple star in front of a music symbol that resembled a straightened clef. With her right hand, Aria used her thumb and forefinger to expertly open the flask. She poured a brown liquid into the cup held in her left hand and closed the flask. “Look, this wasn’t my idea. Sonata practically leapt at the chance to participate in all this holiday garbage. Besides, our other idea for a tree fell through when Adagio put up too much of a fight.”

“Sonata!” Sunset cried in realization as she looked around the gym. She picked out the blue-haired girl ravaging the snack table as if she was about to hibernate for the rest of winter. She quickly sauntered up to her, forcing a smile. “Sonata… please… if anyone here can muster enough Christmas spirit to bring order to this mess, it’s gotta be you.” Sunset surveyed the drunken and disorderly mess of a party for a moment before turning back to Sonata, ratcheting up her fake smile to ‘11’. “Don’t you want to help your housemates to be nice so St. Giver will bring you presents?”

Sonata shook her head. “St. Giver doesn’t bring us presents, silly.”

Sunset frowned. “Wait, you mean to tell me you actually don’t believe in St. Giver?”

“What?! Nooooo!” Sonata exclaimed. “Of course I believe in St. Giver!”

“Er… Okay, then why don’t you think he’ll bring you any presents?”

“Because of all the crimes we commit on a near constant basis, obviously!”

Sunset blinked a few times before she could muster a response. “That’s… that’s the most crazy, sensible response you could have come up with.”

“Plus there was that time I tried to kidnap him.”

“… What?”

Sonata shoved a chocolatey marshmallow treat into her mouth, chewed, and swallowed. “Yeah, he’s pretty flexible for someone who's so fat. Even Adagio’s medieval torture stuff wasn’t enough to hold him.”

“… You know what?” Sunset said as she made an abrupt about face. “I think it’s time had myself some eggnog.”

Sunset made it to a bowl with a murky yellow liquid, grabbed a red cup, and ladled in some of the liquid. She took a few sips before she felt a light tug on her blouse. She turned to face a disheveled-looking Fluttershy.

“Su...Sunset…” Fluttershy said softly.

Sunset sighed. “Your tank top is inside out, Fluttershy. You might also want to track down your bra at some point.”

“Er… Probably the rest of my underwear too.”

Sunset winced. “Wasn’t really looking for more details there.”

“Erm… Right… um… Well… Adagio wanted me to give you a message.”

Sunset took a big gulp from her cup. “Lemme guess. ‘You’re next’?”

Fluttershy nodded. “Yeah… erm… She also said she’d be ‘coming for you’ while she winked a whole lot.”

Sunset rolled her eyes and turned back to her cup. “Classy. Well, I’ll keep my eye out for—“

“MISSSHLETOE!”

Sunset managed to let out a startled yelp before she was tackled to the ground and felt something warm, wet, and writhing shoved into her mouth.

Fluttershy looked down, her face turning red once more. “Oh my…”

“ADAGIO!” Sunset cried. “ST-BBURBLE-STOP!”

“Make me~!”

Aria walked up next to Fluttershy and casually ladled in more eggnog into her cup, glancing down at Adagio and Sunset.

“Adagio! Not… moan… Not there!” Sunset cried in protest as her physical forms of fighting back seemed to diminish in effectiveness almost immediately.

Adagio giggled. “I jush love how almossshh all you girlsh wvear shhkirsshts…”

Fluttershy leaned over towards Aria. “Do you think Sunset will get her off?”

Aria snorted and chuckled. “Not before Adagio gets Sunset off.”

“Trixie has nexties!~” Trixie sang out as she joined the group by the refreshment table.

Sonata was close behind Trixie with a massive smile. “And God bless us, everyone!”

Aria scowled at Sonata. “Stop saying that!”

“No!” Sonata replied.

Food for Thought

Author's Notes:

This started as a relatively short addition, but one discussion with my editor later and things rapidly escalated into the largest chapter this collection has seen. Thanks to Tired Old Man for helping this story strive to be as completely nuts as it deserves to be.

... Enjoy?

Adagio Dazzle sat on the center cushion of the Dazzlings’ large purple couch, her legs spread out and her arms resting on top of the couch back almost as if she was trying to occupy as much of the couch as humanly possible from a sitting position. Her only companion was a remote control which sat on the cushion to her left, a couple of orange throw pillows, and a massive round clock on the wall behind her that ticked away. The clock sported a golden frame with different sized bars that jutted out from the center like rays from a sun.

Adagio simply stared forward with a blank expression on her face, looking onwards at a large, flat TV as the sounds of a man and a woman arguing poured out from speakers that flanked the rectangular screen.

Despite the action onscreen, this would be considered a relatively quiet moment by the house’s standards. But as Aria Blaze stepped in between Adagio and the TV, said quiet moment had been doomed to a fate of brevity the moment she entered the room.

Adagio frowned heavily and moved her head to the left then the right, sighing as it became obvious that looking past Aria and ignoring her was not going to be an option if she wanted the full enjoyment of the program she was watching. With a chagrined look, she stared up into the face of Aria.

Oddly enough Aria’s face seemed drained of its resolve and usual grumpiness that came with her walking straight up to Adagio to talk about something. In fact, ‘confront’ might be a better word for how conversations with Aria normally go, but something was clearly different. Though Aria stared in Adagio’s general direction, her eyes were glassy and unfocused as if the Dazzling was somehow lost in thought. On top of this, she sported something of a pleading look as if she was going to ask Adagio for something rather than her usual method of demanding it.

Adagio’s forehead pulled forward as she scrutinized Aria’s look and wondered what she could possibly want. With one last sad look at the TV behind Aria, she looked up at her. “Alright Aria, out with it. What’s the matter?”

Despite the fact that she was standing right in front of her, Aria looked down at Adagio and focused her deep-purple amethyst eyes on her as if she had just noticed Adagio sitting in front of her. “Sonata’s in one of her… asking moods again…”

On top of her scrunched brow, Adagio’s eyelids dropped slightly. “So? Just tell her to look up that stuff online or have her see if any of her dumb kids programs will have answers for her.”

“No, she’s not asking like… Where rain comes from or like… how many bears you can fit into a mini-van or anything like that. She’s asking questions pertaining to us.”

Adagio threw back her head and groaned. “Not this again! I do not want to get the anatomically correct siren puppets out from the storage shed!”

“No, it’s not that,” Aria said in an even tone. “I mean… I could explain it better, but I really don’t want to think about it, so I wanted to ask you for the key to your liquor cabinet.”

Adagio paused for a moment. “… It can’t actually be that bad!”

“C’mon, Dagi! You know Sonata is more than capable of driving us both to drink!”

“Well sure, but… The store is not that far away…” Adagio pressed her back into the couch and waved her left hand dismissively as it rested on the couch’s back. “Just go get a couple 40s or something. I’m not letting you mooch off my top shelf stuff.”

Quite unexpectedly, Aria’s eyes widened and her lower lip quivered ever so slightly. “Please, Adagio! I can’t get this out of my head and I don’t wanna spend all that time walking and thinking about it.”

Adagio regarded Aria’s expression for a moment as a contemplative look came over her own face. She stared up at Aria’s practically begging expression, somewhat wondering if that look alone warranted mercy.

I mean… Aria could be remarkably lazy at times, not that Adagio was in much of a position to judge… But… would she really sacrifice her beloved pride to avoid walking to the store?

Before Adagio could properly think through an answer, the sound of approaching footsteps grabbed hold of Aria’s attention as her eyes shot to the right and she seemingly cringed with every muscle in her body. “Crud! She’s coming!” She looked at Adagio. “I’ll meet you in your room!”

“My room?!” Adagio cried. “But I haven’t—”

Before Adagio could finish, Aria bolted away and out of the living room. Adagio watched Aria flee quizzically before the space Aria occupied was quickly filled by Sonata.

Adagio turned and sighed as she took note of Sonata’s questioning expression. “What?!” Adagio snapped out.

“Do you ever think about how many bugs you eat?” Sonata asked.

Adagio felt confusion take hold of her features once more. “… What?”

“Do you ever think about how many bugs you eat?!” Sonata repeated with a bit more force.

Adagio’s brow tightened. “No, Sonata. I don’t know what you do with your time when you think no one is looking, but I don’t eat bugs.”

“See! That’s what Aria said, but I don’t mean like finding random bugs and just sticking them in your mouth.” Sonata pulled a face like she just put her tongue on something unpleasant. “Ew! That’d be icky!”

“Oh…” Adagio said as her expression softened into one of slight confusion. “Then what are you talking about?”

“Okay, well you know how foods typically allow a certain amount of bug parts in them just ‘cause like… bugs get everywhere?”

Adagio cringed, Aria’s demeanor suddenly making a bit more sense. “I did know that. That’s not something I really want to think about though, so why don’t you just—”

Sonata suddenly sat down on the couch next to Adagio, placing her hands in between her own thighs and putting her face right next to Adagio’s. “Well, like… I looked it up online and it turns out we all eat 1 to 2 pounds of bugs a year. Up to five fruit flies per glass of orange juice. Or like, all the aphids and tiny caterpillars that get picked up with lettuce! And like... we three have lived for a long, long time so… I think maybe over all that time we’ve all eaten more bugs than we actually weigh? I mean, back in the day there wasn’t even that government Fuda thing to make sure everyone wasn’t eating bugs.”

Adagio’s left eye began to twitch rapidly, but rather than address Sonata’s point directly, something else lingered in her mind. “Fuda?”

“You know! That food, drug thingy the guy who also invented teddy bears came up with!”

Adagio sighed and closed her eyes. “FDA… The thing you’re talking about is called the FDA.”

“Right! Fuda!” Sonata said. “Anyhow, if we’re eating over a pound of bugs every year now, just imagine how many bugs we ate way back when you could pretty much serve anyone anything when there was no one to monitor it!”

Adagio pressed her hands against the side of her head and stared at Sonata with a horrified expression.

Sonata continued, “Heck! Just think about how many ants we’ve accidently eaten! I mean… Ants are everywhere and they can get into everything! I’ve bet we’ve eaten hundreds… No, thousands of ants over the course of—”

Hands still on the side of her head, Adagio let out a tortured scream. “Ahhhhhhhh!” She suddenly stood up from the couch. “I don’t want to think about this!” she said as she retreated out of the living room.

Sonata stared down at the empty spot where Adagio sat as a cat-like grin spread across her face. She reached for the remote and then sprawled across the couch. “Ah… and now to enjoy some high quality hudu Teevee!”

Adagio made her way out of the living room, up the stairs, and into her room. True to her word, Aria was already waiting for her as she stared longingly at a closed wooden cabinet with keyholes on its doors.

Adagio just sighed as she reached into her cleavage and pulled out a set of keys. She thumbed through the keys briefly until she picked one in particular, stepped up to the cabinet, and stuck the key into one of the keyholes. “Alright, what’ll it be?” Adagio asked as she pulled out a glass and placed it on a wooden dresser next to the cabinet.

“Just… Something strong and maybe a little ‘out there’ so I can start thinking about anything other than what Sonata said.”

Adagio grabbed a bottle of clear liquid. “Mezcal is pretty strong and ‘different’,” she said as she pulled out the bottle, unscrewed the top, and poured a generous portion into the cup on her dresser.

“Really, Adagio?!”

Adagio paused and turned. “What? I’m trying to help!”

Aria rolled her eyes. “Well you have a funny way of showing it.”

“What?!” Adagio replied. “No seriously, what the heck is your deal?!”

Aria sighed and pointed at the bottle in Adagio’s hand.

Adagio glanced at it and finally took notice of the small scorpion marinating at the bottom of the now half-empty bottle of strong alcoholic liquid. “Oh, whoops…”

“You really didn’t think about that when you pulled the bottle out?!” Aria asked in disbelief.

“Look, I’m just as eager to put this whole sordid mess behind me as you are and—Ugh! This is so stupid!” Adagio cried.

Aria shrugged. “Hey, normally I’d think it's badass to have scorpion juice, but I’m tryin’ to get my mind off bugs.”

“Not that!” Adagio exclaimed. “Sonata probably did this on purpose to get us away from the TV and keep us out of the living room!” Adagio narrowed her eyes. “You know how every once in awhile she’ll come up with something halfway smart.”

Aria shrugged. “Well, she really hit it out of the park this time. Look, just like… hand me some absinthe or something, I really need something to clean my brain.”

“NO!” Adagio said as she extended an index finger. “I was comfortable and enjoying myself!” she exclaimed. “I say we fight fire with fire! If Sonata thinks she can out freak-out us, then we’ve got to remind her we’re both smarter than her and won’t be controlled so easily! If we let her get away with it this time, who knows how often she’ll pull this stuff?!”

Aria rubbed her chin thoughtfully for a moment. “Okay, well Sonata’s pretty hard to freak out or even gross out on account of her being just bat-guano crazy. I don’t think we’re going to just go online and find something that’ll get her to flee to the nearest Taco Hut and binge-eat until she can’t move.” Aria frowned. “Plus we always need to go get her at some point and wash all the sour cream and guacamole off of her and that’s not usually all that fun.”

“We don’t need the internet!” Adagio said.

Aria narrowed her eyes and angrily glared at Adagio before she took a step forward, grabbed Adagio’s shirt in her hand and pulled Adagio’s face close to hers. “Take that back right now!” Aria said in a threatening tone.

After a brief bout of concern, Adagio’s magenta eyes made a rotation around her optical sockets. “I just meant to get back at Sonata.”

“Oh… right,” Aria said as she let go of Adagio’s shirt. “Okay, so if we’re not looking anything up, then how do we get to her?”

Adagio gave Aria an annoyed look and tapped on Aria’s forehead a couple times. “Come on Aria! I know you’re an idiot, but think! Aside from tacos, what else does Sonata really care about?”

Sneering, Aria turned grabbing her right elbow with her left hand and then grasping her chin in her right hand. “Uh… Cartoons and puppet shows?”

“Exactly!” Adagio said. She clenched her right hand into a fist and brought it down into her left palm. “We shatter her stupid childlike notions and leave her a broken mental husk so I can go back to watching TV!”

Aria’s forehead knit. “Wait… What am I getting out of all this, exactly?”

Bottle still in hand, Adagio walked out of the room. “The joy of one-upping Sonata!”

Aria followed, “But I get that every time the topic of tying shoes comes up!” she said in a tone of mild protest as the two descended the stairs. She frowned slightly. “Also… I can’t help but feel this is a bad idea for some reason…”

Adagio shook her head. “There is nothing wrong with reminding Sonata she can’t outwit us!”

Aria scratched her head as Adagio and her walked into the living room. “That’s not the part—”

Lying on her side on the couch, Sonata crained her head up as the other two Dazzlings approached. “Hey, did you two know the average person spends a year and a half in the bathroom over their entire life?! I mean, with our lives, that’s got be like… 20 years or something just spent—”

Adagio frowned heavily then glanced at the TV. “Big Bird isn’t real!” she interrupted.

Sonata’s stopped mid-sentence her mouth hanging open. “Wh… What?”

Adagio nodded. “Yep! Big Bird is just a man in a suit.”

Sonata’s face began to turn a paler shade of blue. “You’re… you’re lying…” Sonata turned towards Aria, a pleading look on her face.

Aria cringed slightly. The borderline heartbroken look on Sonata’s face was something she probably could have gone the rest of her life without seeing… Still, Sonata did clearly have an agenda to get some quiet time with the TV with her earlier questions, so… “Uh, It’s true,” Aria said as her eyes darted away from Sonata and looked out at the TV. “And… and Elmo is fake, too! He just has someone’s arm inside him making it look like he’s moving and stuff.” Aria steeled herself and turned to give Sonata a serious look. “You don’t want to know where they stick the arm to get it inside him.”

Sonata looked between the two girls, a horrified expression on her face. “Na-no…” she whispered to herself. “Tell me you’re joking! TELL ME!” Sonata cried in a pleading tone as tears began to stream from her eyes. She looked back and forth between the two other Dazzlings in desperation, clearly hoping at least one of them would explain that this was just a cruel, tasteless attempt at humor at her expense.

Instead, Adagio smirked. “Sorry Sonata, it’s all true… Also, you know the Dolphin from Flipper?”

Sonata bit at her lower lip and nodded.

“DEAD!” Adagio said with a devilish grin. “Died in a car accident.”

Arai turned towards Adagio, an aghast expression on her face. “Dagi?! What the hell?!”

Sonata suddenly brought her hands up to the side of her head and let out a scream as she got up to her feet and ran out of the room.

Adagio turned to Aria. “What? Mission accomplished!” she said as she lowered the bottle of hard liquor on the floor, plopped down on the couch and reached for the remote. She pressed a few buttons and smiled as the colors from the TV flickered briefly.

Aria folded her arms across her chest. “A car accident?”

Adagio shrugged. “Okay, so I made that part up,” Adagio said as she put the remote back down. “But it’s not like dolphins are immortal… so the one from that old TV show has got to be dead by now…”

Arai shook her head. “Ugh… I can’t believe you got me to feel worse than I already…” She trailed off and perked up her ears as the sound of someone rummaging through silverware drawers could be heard.

Adagio likewise tilted her head and listened. “Huh…” Adagio muttered. “Guess she at least has the energy to make tacos for herself…”

Aria’s eyes widened. “That’s not what she’s doing… I think I finally remember something…”

Adagio turned and raised an eyebrow. “Remember? Remember what?”

Aria swallowed. “We… You and I tried this before…”

Adagio gave Aria a scrutinizing look as her eyes drifted upwards. “Wait… We… We did, didn’t we… Why did we forget?”

Aria swallowed and slowly moved closer to the living room exit. “I’m more concerned with what comes next.”

Adagio pursed her lips. “What does come next?”

Sonata suddenly stomped back into the living room, her eyes wide and devoid of joy and her expression empty as she looked over the other two girls silently. The rather dead look on her face was not at the top of the list of the other girls concerns however—concern #2 was the sharp chef’s knife in Sonata’s left hand and concern #1 was the butcher’s cleaver in her right.

“Oh…” Adagio uttered. “Right…”

Sonata let out a blood-curdling scream as Adagio lept from the couch as the chef’s knife was thrown, it’s blade piercing the soft fabric of the couch’s back before it stopped in place. Aria turned and ran for the stairs, Adagio hot on her heels. Tears once again poured from Sonata’s eyes as she gave chase and wildly swung the butcher's cleaver out in the direction of the girls. Panic gripped Adagio as the cleaver sliced into her long, curly locks, a grim reminder that unconsolable death was right behind her. Reaching the top of the stairs, Aria sprinted down the hall and made her way inside the open bedroom. Adagio herself slipped in right behind Aria as she slammed the door closed. Aria and Adagio suddenly turned and braced their backs against the door in case Sonata tried to force herself in.

‘CRUNCH!’

The top front tip of a meat clever pierced the center of the door, it’s point jutting out a few inches from the wood. Adagio and Aria stared at the piece of sharp metal between them with wide, frightened eyes.

Her back still pressed against the door, Adagio quickly reached for the knob and locked it.

Sonata retracted the cleaver from the door.

Adagio swallowed. “I really hope she’s not gearing up for a Shining reference…”

Seeing that her current location was no longer safe, Aria threw herself away from the door and sat down on Adagio’s large bed, the purple covers of which sat on top of it in an unmade mess. Adagio likewise tried to step away from the door, but grit her teeth as something prevented her from getting very far.

Adagio turned her head to see what was stopping her. She felt her heart pound in her chest as she took note of the fact that a sizeable chunk of her hair had been slammed in the door. “Aria!” Adagio cried as she tugged at her hair. “I’m stuck!”

“Well, what do you want me to do?!”

“Unstuck me?!” Adagio suggested.

“HOW?!” Aria shook her head. “Even if we open it for a moment we’d have to get it closed again! Besides! I don’t want to go anywhere near—”

Suddenly there was the eerie sound of metal sliding down wood followed by Adagio falling away from the door. She quickly put her hands in front of her as she fell to the ground, spun around to face the door and did a backwards crab shuffle until her back was against her bed next to Aria’s legs.

Aria glanced down at Adagio, reached her hand down, and pulled up a tuft of Adagio’s hair which ended abruptly in one straight, neat line. “I think Sonata ‘unstuck you’,”

Adagio glanced at her hair and put on a worried pout, but her and Aria’s eyes were soon returned to the door as they heard the sound of sorrowful moans which quickly grew quieter as heavy footsteps stomped away from the door.

Adagio let out a sigh of relief.

Aria shook her head. “THIS is why we don’t mess with Sonata’s perceptions of how cartoons and puppet shows work.”

Adagio rubbed the back of her head a few times, then brought her hand up in front of her. “Right, right…” she replied as she looked over her mercifully bloodless palm. “But if this has all happened before, why did it take us so long to remember? Heck, why was it such a shock to Sonata?”

Aria shrugged. “Maybe we all selectively blocked it out? I mean…. At this point, tonight hasn’t been fun for any of us.”

Adagio stroked her chin. “Maybe…”

Sonata’s sorrowful voice suddenly drifted up from downstairs. “Oh, bug juice! You taste as unhappy as I feel! But at least you make my insides all tingly!”

Adagio and Aria’s eyes shot open wide.

Aria turned towards Adagio. “Adagio! You left the stupid scorpion juice down there! Now Sonata’s going to be even more messed up!”

“I didn’t know she was going to go crazy!” Adagio exclaimed as got up to her feet. “Plus Sonata avoids any alcohol that doesn’t taste like candy! There was no way of telling she’d actually drink that stuff!”

Aria sighed. “Well, what now? I mean… Sonata gets pretty scary after just a couple of regular drinks. I’m not sure I want to find out what she’s like when she was scary before drinking.”

Adagio thought for a moment. “Well, she might drink so much so fast she just gets tired and passes out.”

Aria frowned. “Or she gets so sick or crazy we have to replace all the living room furniture again.” She shook her head. “Just like when Sonata tried inventing living room gymnastics…”

Adagio frowned. “Yeah… We really should maybe try convincing Sonata not so many activities really require knives or other sharp objects.” Adagio shook her head. “Given the current circumstances, maybe we should just hang here for a bit.” Adagio walked over to her open liquor cabinet. “Have a few or a lot of drinks until this whole thing blows over”—

“I thought that was the idea in the first”—

—“Maybe get a bit drunk, make-out a bit, see where the night takes us.”—

—“place… Wait, what?”

Adagio pulled out a dark green bottle, stared at it for a bit then looked up at Aria. “Hey Aria, ever wonder what Mezcal and Scotch taste like together?”

Aria got onto her feet and walked over to Adagio, staring down at the glass Adagio had poured herself before the two left on their ill-fated attempt to win the couch back from Sonata. “Considering I didn’t even know Mezcal was a thing, I’m gonna say ‘no’.”

Adagio added the scotch to the glass. “I’m hoping it tastes like ‘forgetfulness’.”

The Fluffiest Installment Yet

Author's Notes:

Follow-up to the last chapter.

‘Knock, knock, knock.’

Aria Blaze’s eyes slowly opened as the sound of a fist repeatedly knocking against a door roused her from unconsciousness. Usually she would have considered this simply having been woken up from sleep, but the lethargy she felt combined with the dull ache that emanating from her head let her know that her slumber had not come about via the normal means of her crawling into bed after having had enough martial arts practice, video games, and the other girls for the day.

Her eyes adjusted slowly to the near pitch blackness of the room. Another sign something was amiss. Even with the shades drawn and the lights turned off, Aria’s room was usually bathed in multicolored LED lights from a number of devices, chargers, and power strips.

As her other senses slowly came back to her, Aria also noticed she was not wearing anything and was sharing the bed with someone in a similar state of undress who seemed fond of cuddling. With a grumble, Aria groped around the bed, noting her hands were encountering a rather large amount of curly hair. Aria sighed. Clearly she had had a bit too much to drink and Adagio decided to take advantage of her in such a state… again.

Yes. It was clearly that scenario with no other contributing factors.

‘Knock, knock, knock!’

Aria cringed as the knocking continued, her head informing her that it was displeased with the loud noise as well as her recent decisions. The knocking was accompanied by a soft whimpering this time.

Aria started to untangle herself from Adagio's limbs and hair. “Ugh, I’m coming, I’m coming…” she groaned out.

From below her, Aria heard a soft chuckle. “Hehe, well that statement sounds awfully familiar…”

Aria sneered down at the body below her. She could practically hear Adagio smile. Her hesitance at leaving the bed was rewarded with a not very gentle shove.

“Hey!” Aria protested.

“Go answer the door,” Adagio said in a somewhat subdued, but rather demanding tone. “My head hurts and sleep sounds like an even better option now than it usually does.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Aria said as she got to her feet. “I was gonna…”

Aria took a couple steps before her toes found something round, but still solid enough that flickers of pain shot up through her foot. She heard the clank of class as a bottle rolled away and hit a wall or possibly wooden furniture as she cussed softly to herself.

‘KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!’

The hard sound of the door knocking reverberated through Aria’s already taxed forehead.

“Alright!” Aria shouted at the door as she shuffled towards it. “Keep your shirt on!”

“I can’t!” came Sonata’s distressed response. “It was icky and smelled funny so I took it off!”

Aria once again sighed to herself. What the heck did the little nut-bar get herself into this time?

“… Do I need to go back downstairs and put my shirt back on?” Sonata half-asked, half-whimpered out.

Aria rolled her eyes. Damn, Sonata was a collection of total airheaded weirdness. She opened the door, revealing Sonata standing in the hallway illuminated by lights coming from downstairs. She was stripped to her socks and moist-looking pink underwear, Sonata seemingly having spilled something which went down her chest and all the way down to her panties. This coupled with the expression on her face that seemed moments away from breaking into tears and pathetic wails made Sonata look very much like the victim of some unfortunate accident. She also reeked of strong alcohol.

That last fact caused Aria to pause in contemplation briefly. Sonata drinking even a small amount of alcohol was about as disastrous as mixing napalm and acid. What the heck had her go after the stronger stuff? Wouldn’t she have gone on a rampage after a few shots? Shouldn’t Aria remember something to this effect…?

Aria grimaced slightly as the throbbing in her head informed her that dwelling on such things was probably not a great idea.

Sonata spoke again, her words coming out as a mess of tears and jumbled thoughts. “I woke up on the couch downstairs and-hic-I was all wet and icky and the-sob-TV was on, but it even though it was-hheehhh-puppets it made me really sad and-sniff-can I sleep with you two tonight?”

“Uhhh…” Aria looked Sonata up and down, her mind failing to provide her with the appropriate response. A ‘no’ followed by slamming the door on Sonata and going back to bed seemed like the normal thing to do here. However, Sonata was currently maxed out on the ‘looking pathetic’ scale, and even Aria’s normal apathetic attitude seemed pretty harsh all things considered. Also Aria would be denying entry to Adagio’s room and not her own, which added a little extra wrinkle of confusion to the situation.

With a huff, Adagio threw off her covers and got up to her feet, stomping on the ground until she reached the doorway and leaned against the frame. She took one look at Sonata and scowled. “You are not coming to bed smelling like THAT!” Adagio snapped.

Sonata let out a barely muffled cry. She was clearly on the verge of some sort of complete breakdown.

Aria couldn’t help but feel anger bubble up inside her. She turned to Adagio and motioned to Sonata. “Adagio! Look at her! She’s a complete mes—”

One of Adagio’s hands suddenly shot out and grabbed Sonata by the arm. Without warning Adagio turned and began walking, dragging the confused Sonata behind her and across the room and into Adagio’s bathroom where a light soon flicked on.

Aria cringed as the harsh light flooded out from the open room.

“Aria, you coming to help or not?!” Adagio shouted from the bathroom in an irritated tone.

Aria let out an annoyed groan at the pun, but walked into the bathroom all the same. Adagio had already stripped Sonata of her ill-smelling clothing and was in the process of helping Sonata into the bathtub.

Sonata sat down at the far end of the tub then pulled her legs up to her chest and grabbed them tightly. She stared at her knees, the look of distress still written all over her face.

Adagio turned on the tap and put her hand under the water. She glanced at Aria. “Dump some bubble bath in here and keep Sonata’s hair out of the water. I don’t want her getting my bed and blankets soaking wet.”

Aria grabbed a bottle that was sitting on the edge of the tub and filled with viscous, lavender goo. She poured a generous amount of the bubble bath as the water began to fill the room with warmth. Adagio reached her hand down into the tub and plugged it, causing the water level to rise.

Soon both Adagio and Aria where lethargically scrubbing Sonata in a half-awake state as Aria made sure Sonata’s ponytail didn’t become soaked. Slowly, Sonata’s look of pathetic suffering gave way to a sleepy content look as the other girls scrubbed the heavy smell of alcohol from her.

After a few minutes of scrubbing, Adagio turned off the water. “She’s clean enough,” she said drowsily. “Let’s get her out.”

Aria leaned over the tub and gently grabbed Sonata’s arm, Adagio grabbed the other and the two girls raised the third sleepy Dazzling out of the tub.

After a brief bout of drying Sonata off with Adagio’s fluffy purple towels, Adagio once again grabbed Sonata by the arm. She dragged her out of the bathroom, turning off the light on the way out and took her to the bed where she let Sonata unceremoniously drop to the mattress.

Sonata giggled as she hit the bed and bounced lightly. She was quickly followed by Adagio who collapsed next to her and wrapped her limbs around her.

Aria shook her aching head. What a messed-up night this turned out to be. Her thoughts again drifted onto what might have led to this turn of events, but again the throbbing in her forehead made her reconsider that train of thought.

Adagio looked up at Aria with half-opened eyes. “Don’t just stand there! Go close the door and get back here.” Adagio shivered slightly and held onto Sonata tighter. “It’s freezing without the covers.”

Aria walked over the door and grabbed the knob. She hesitated for a moment. Why was she doing this? At the very least she could just walk down the hall and go to her own bed, reclaim her clothes from Adagio’s room tomorrow. She turned towards the bed. What the heck is the point of—

Sonata looked back at Aria with a small, expectant smile. In stark contrast to her earlier expression, she looked oddly content and stared at Aria with an inviting look. Adagio was also sporting a rather inviting or perhaps enticing look, Adagio’s smile far less innocent in favor of a bit more devious look. Still, that was to be expected of Adagio.

… Ah, f#%& it… Aria closed the door, turned around, and walked over to the bed. She collapsed onto it next to Sonata, who quickly wrapped an arm around Aria as Adagio pulled the covers over the three women.

A tangle of limbs and hair, soon all three Dazzlings were fast asleep in each other’s arms.

Sex, Robots, and Hamsters... But Not Necessarily in That Order

Adagio Dazzle stared at the TV in front of her with a perplexed expression deeply etched on her face. To her right sat Sonata Dusk, who seemed mesmerized by what she was seeing, and to Adagio’s left sat Aria Blaze, who looked on with a rather uncharacteristic smile of amusement on her face.

Though the fact that all the Dazzlings were successfully sharing the couch without any fighting, violence, or drama of any kind was pretty rare, this was not the source of Adagio’s confusion.

Adagio threw her hands up into the air. “Okay… I give… You two are just pretending to enjoy this movie to lead me on, right?”

Aria and Sonata turned to exchange glances briefly, then turned towards Adagio.

“Dagi, what are you talking about?” Aria asked in an annoyed tone.

“Yeah!” Sonata said. “This movie is killer! As in people are being killed in it!” She smiled widely. “It’s great!”

Aria nodded and began to lift fingers as she counted off. “It’s got explosions, robots, fighting, and explosions caused by robot fights!” She shook her head and motioned out to the TV. “I really don’t know what you’re looking for here.”

Adagio ushered out to the TV as tense dialogue came out of the speakers. “Maybe a plot that wasn’t impossible to follow?!”

Aria shrugged. “As long as the robot fight ends in explosions and the chase scenes are awesome, who cares?”

Adagio narrowed her eyes. “Anyone with a brain?”

Aria rolled her eyes. “Adagio, it’s a movie about time-travelling robot assassins, it’s not like one of your boring romantic dramadies or whatever…”

Sonata shook her head. “I can’t follow those at all! Who wants to watch a movie where everyone just talks?! I just fall asleep a few minutes in…”

Adagio sneered at Sonata and threw her right hand out at the screen. “Well, the time travel makes no sense!” She looked down at her hands about began to list off things on her own fingers. “The first movie created a stable time loop, but then the second movie invalidated everything in the first AND itself but preemptively destroying the main threat through time. Then the third movie came along and said that wasn’t actually completely possible. Then the fourth movie—”

Aria cringed. “We don’t talk about the fourth movie.”

Sonata nodded. “Yeah! Even though it had Batman in it.” She frowned heavily. “He didn’t even throw one batarang! …Or do anything really.” She suddenly grinned wide. “Oh! Except for yell at that guy working on the lights… That was the best part!”

“Okay, whatever…” Adagio said, shaking her head. She extended her thumb on her right hand and hit it with her left index finger. “Well then there was the series, and that did a bunch of contradictory stuff too and it’s like the writers don’t even care about causality at all!”

Aria shrugged. “Again, it’s a franchise about time traveling robot assassins. Do they have to?”

Adagio let out a defeated sigh. “Well, I guess as long as morons of the lowest common denominator are entertained, they’re going to keep making movies.”

Aria glared at Adagio. “Hey! Just because you’re a picky little bi@!h doesn’t mean you’re like… mentally superior to everyone or whatever…”

“No, no,” Adagio said as she put up her hands palms forward. “You all being idiots is why I’m mentally superior.”

Aria let out a growl in the tone of a warning, as if Adagio’s next words could easily mean violence on the part of the grumpiest Dazzling.

Sonata giggled. “I don’t see what’s so hard to understand. I mean… I know how all the time travel stuff works!”

Aria and Adagio paused their argument and turned towards Sonata. “You do?!” they said in disbelief.

Sonata nodded her head up and down. “Yep! It can all be explained by multidimensional theory!”

Aria and Adagio turned and looked at each other, their mouths hanging agape.

Adagio turned back to Sonata. “Sonata, do you even understand what those words you said mean?”

“Hehe… Look, a lot of the times when a person or robot is sent back in time, they’re creating another parallel dimension like… Okay, so you know how the store has more than one Game of Thrones coloring book?”

“… Uh… sure…?” Aria repli
ed. “I mean… I’m kinda surprised they even have one, but uh… yeah, those things are real.”

“Well, you can buy more than one book but use different colored crayons, or markers—” Sonata gasped “—even watercolors!”

“Uh… okay…” Adagio said. “But… a major plot of like… half the movies seems to be to burn down the entire store and all the coloring books in it.” Adagio paused. “I mean… sticking to the metaphor of course.”

Sonata giggled gleefully to herself. “Yes! But it all goes back to Skynet and Batman!”

Adagio sighed and place a palm against her forehead. “Do we need to get out the charts to explain how actors work again?”

“Hold on!” Aria said as she waved a hand in front of Adagio. “I want to see where she’s going with this!”

Sonata continued, “You see, the different coloring books are of when Skynet keeps sending robots back in time to kill Batman or his mom so it can not get blown up, but Batman always uses his detective skills to figure out when this happens to send back other people or robots to make it so that he still exists and that Skynet does get blown up and because there’s like a lot of coloring books, like… infinity plus one coloring books, this just goes on forever and ever!”

Adagio rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “I’m not sure we should have brought coloring books into this…”

Sonata smiled. “Okay… so Skynet and Batman are hamsters…”

Adagio and Aria raised their eyebrows.

Aria leaned forward past Adagio. “Is there like… some sort of crazy cartoon of this series I haven’t watched? Because… I gotta tell you, I’m interested.”

Sonata shook her head. “No, I mean… Skynet gets on the hamster wheel and starts to spin it, but then the Batman hamster gets on and starts running and they’re both spinning and spinning faster and faster into eventually one hamster gets thrown off! But no matter how many times a hamster falls off, it can always just get back on the wheel and try to spin the other hamster off.”

Adagio and Aria wrinkled their brows.

Adagio turned to Aria. “Are you getting all this?”

Aria shrugged her shoulders. “I still think it’s easier not to think about time travel too much…”

“I’ll be back.”

The three Dazzlings suddenly turned towards the screen, their eyes going wide as an explosion rang out.

Aria looked at what she saw in disbelief. “He… He just jumped out of a helicopter, onto another helicopter and destroyed it…” She swallowed. “You two might want to leave because I have a sudden urge to touch myself…”

“Aria!” Adagio exclaimed. “Don’t be ridiculous!” She gave Aria a sultry smile. “Why touch yourself when I’m right here? I mean… as long as you return the favor…” she purred.

Aria turned to Adagio, then back to the TV, back to Adagio, and then back and forth a few more times. Staring at the TV she answered, “Your proposal is acceptable.”

Adagio grinned and cozied up to Aria.

“Ooo!” Sonata exclaimed. “Are we having an MM party on the couch?!” She sprang up to her feet and ran off. “I’ll go get the candy!”

Aria let out an annoyed groan. “Sonata! That’s not what MM—”

Aria found an index finger pressed against her lips.

“Shhhhh…” Adagio said as she leaned closer to Aria. “Name one thing candy does not make better,” she said quietly.

Aria narrowed her eyes. “A diabetic convention.”

Adagio’s sultry smile dropped slightly. “Touché…” She batted her eyelids as her smile returned. “Still, since there’s no diabetics around here…”

“Adagio, you’re rubbing my thigh.”

“And…?”

Aria glanced at the TV then back to Adagio. “… Faster and to the left.”

Author's Notes:

Inspired by a conversation with Tired Old Man, natch.

The Bourne Compuhackingavagansa!

Author's Notes:

Some maybe Jason Bourne spoilers here, but not really.

Adagio Dazzle sat at a small wooden table in the Dazzling breakfast nook and read a magazine labeled ‘Intrusive Celebrity Touch Weekly’ with a sort of detached interest. For the moment, things were quie—

‘GRAB!’

“Hey!” Adagio protested as her magazine was suddenly snatched out of her hands.

‘WACK!’

Soon Adagio was on the receiving end of mild magazine beating.

“OW!”

‘SMACK!’

“Aria! What the hell?!”

Aria suddenly plopped down in the seat across from Adagio. “You just got Bourned!” she declared as she pointed the rolled up magazine at Adagio.

“… Born?!” Adagio said. “What heck are you talking about?!” She narrowed her eyes at Aria. “Did you join some weird magazine cult that performs unwanted baptisms with magazine drubbings?”

“What?! No! Why would you even—”

“Are you on drugs?” Adagio continued. “How do they feel? Can I have some?”

“Adagio! I’m not on drugs!”

“Oh,” Adagio said as she gave Aria a scrutinizing look. “Well, if this isn’t some weird cult thing or a mood brought on by a chemical imbalance, then what’s going on? I’d expect this randomness from Sonata, but not from you.”

Aria leaned forward on the table, placing her face inches away from Adagio’s and giving her a serious look. “We need to go to the movies!”

Adagio sighed. “What stupid action movie came out?”

Aria grit her teeth. “Here’s a hint!”

‘CUFF!’

“OW!” Adagio exclaimed as she rubbed her cheek which had just been hit with the magazine again. “Seriously stop being weird and just tell me!”

“There’s a new Bourne movie out! So we have to go to the movies!”

Adagio glanced upwards as if she was searching her memory for something and mouthed the word ‘Bourne’ to herself over and over again.

Aria let out a frustrated growl. “You know! The super spy who gets beats up people left and right and has awesome car chases!”

Adagio stared at Aria blankly for a moment. “That’s pretty much every spy movie, you oblivious mook.”

‘SWAT!’

“Stop that!” Adagio demanded.

Arai pursed her lips and gave Adagio an annoyed look. “I’m trying to jog your memory! Don’t you remember the crazy magazine fight?! Or the explosion caused by gas, a magazine, and a toaster?!”

“No, Aria!” Adagio said in an exasperated tone. “Unlike you, I reserve my memory for important things!” Adagio quickly raised a hand in her face as Aria raised the magazine. Surprisingly, rather than smack Adagio, Aria glanced at the article Adagio was reading.

Aria scrutinized one of the pages for a moment then rolled her eyes. “Sure Dagi, I just bet this article on ‘Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities: What Do They Know? Do They Know Things?? Let's Find Out!’ is chock-full of useful information.”

“Hey! I didn’t ask or particularly want your opinion here,” Adagio protested. “So why don’t you give me that magazine back and go get one of your old GamePros and harass Sonata for a bit?”

“What?! Hell no!” Aria cried. “They don’t even make those anymore! Those magazines are going to be worth big bucks in a few years!”

Adagio sighed. “Yeah, sure…” She shook her head. “Well, this conversation has been pointless and stupid, so I really think you should just find Sonata, and—”//

A look of recollection came over Aria as she snapped a figure. “These were the spy movies where all the shaky cam made you sick to your stomach!”

“Oh…” Adagio uttered as a frown came over her face. She furrowed her brow and looked at Aria. “Wait, why do you care?! I thought the franchise basically went downhill when they made the guy from Arrow the main character.”

‘Smack!’

“DAMNIT, ARIA!”

“Avengers!” Aria corrected. “It was Hawkeye from the Avengers! Arrow is a completely different universe!”

Adagio shook her head. “Whatever, turbo nerd! It’s still the other guy so—”

“No it’s not!” Aria said with a smile. “They brought back Bourne!”

“Oh!” Adagio said, a slight look of interest on her face. “Well that actor is much cuter, and the movie titles make sense again.” Adagio frowned as she felt her stomach do a somersault. “But—”

“YES!” Aria said triumphantly. “I’ll go get Sonata!”

Adagio sighed and shook her head as Aria quickly ran out of the kitchen.

“Oh! Hi Aria!” Sonata’s bubbly voice sounded out from elsewhere in the house. “Hey! Do you want to play with me?! See, Queen Horsey Time is getting married to Optimus Prime, but Megatron is angry because he didn’t get an invitation, so he hired Boba Fett and Dengar to…”

“IT’S BOURNE TIME, BITCH!”

‘THUD!’

“OW!” Sonata cried. “Stop it! The secret agents don’t show up until act three!”

Adagio let out an even heavier sigh and threw herself back in her chair, slouching as she let the air slowly drain from her lungs.

Adagio, Aria, and Sonata sat in a dim theater as a slew of tense dialogue sounded out from around them and bags of popcorn sat in their laps next to large cups of soda and bags of candy.

Adagio stared forward with an irritated look while Aria wore an almost manic smile. Sonata smiled with a look that suggested she was just happy to be there as she munched on the junk food around her.

Aria let out a sound of giddy excitement. “This is going to be so coo—”

“Use SQL to corrupt the Database!”

Aria’s smile immediately began to tread water the seas of deep concern. “What…? SQL is just the language you use to talk to databases… I mean… if you had access, you could just update the database with nonsense or drop it or—“

Adagio turned her head slightly towards Aria. “Problem?” she asked.

Aria shook her head. “I’m sure it’s just a slight misfire… Nothing to be worried about…” Aria scrunched her lips slightly. “I hope…”

“When are they going to show Bourne!?” Sonata moaned.

“Why do they have a GUI to show they’re being hacked?!” Aria exclaimed.

Adagio raised an eyebrow. “Well… It’s the CIA. I’m sure they have all kinds of—”

Aria turned to sneer at Adagio. “That’s not even a thing that exists!”

“… I’m pretty certain the CIA exists, Aria.”

“NO! Not that. The GUI!”

Sonata stared at the screen in confusion. “Nothing looks gooey to me…”

“I hacked their CCTV…”

Aria grit her teeth. “CCTV stands for CLOSED CIRCUIT TV!” she shouted at the screen. Her full popcorn bag was now mostly a thing of the past, its contents now scattered all over the ground in front of her, herself, and Adagio’s hair. Sonata occasionally leaned over to snag an errant kernel that rested on Aria, Sonata’s own popcorn bag quite empty. Adagio sat hunched over in her seat, her eyes only occasionally glancing up at the screen or Aria.

“Aria, can you keep it down?” Adagio asked. “You yelling is not helping my stomach here!”

“None of these things work this way!” Aria exclaimed as she threw herself back in her seat and threw her hands up in the air.

Adagio doubled over and placed a fist in front of her mouth as her cheeks puffed out.

“Don’t worry Aria!” Sonata said as she leaned over Aria, picked some popcorn out of Adagio’s hair and popped it into her mouth. “I’m sure Bourne will be back soon to fight the bad guys!”

Aria dropped her practically empty popcorn bag which Sonata quickly snagged and began feasting from. Aria then brought her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them and began rocking back and forth. “Ye-yes…” Aria uttered. “Bourne will show up with a rack of magazines and beat up all the people who don’t know how computers work and everything will be fine.”

“There you go!” Sonata said with a smile. She looked at the screen and frowned slightly. “Shame about Agent K, though… Hey! Maybe Bourne is actually an alien!”

Adagio and looked up with a ponderous expression on her face as did Aria. This was soon followed by a groan from both of them.

“There’s a phone in the room! I can hack the computer!”

Aria let out a short, tortured cry as she stared at the landline onscreen before she buried her face in her hand and began to sob uncontrollably.

Adagio glanced up from her fetal position. “Wow… She’s really crying… I haven’t seen her this upset since Die Another Day…”

“Oh no!” Sonata exclaimed bringing her hands up to her cheeks. “We have phones! Does that mean all our computers can be hacked?!”

Adagio tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Maybe Aria can install more firewalls… Like… At least 10… We probably need more proxies, too…” Adagio glanced up at Aria. “Hey Aria, how many firewalls and proxies on our phones would make them safe?”

“WHOUAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAAHOUAAAAAAA!”

“Okay, I’ll get back to you on that…”

Sonata suddenly pointed excitedly at the screen. “Oh look! More fighting!”

Adagio looked up for a moment before lurching forward slightly with muffled upchuck. She quickly stood up and ran out of the theater.

Aria walked out of the movie theater with a thousand-yard stare on her face. Her eyes were puffy, red, and veiny as she staggered with each step, her arms swaying from side to side.

Behind her Adagio leaned against Sonata with a tinge of green added to her orange features. Sonata looked down at the sickly-looking Dazzling she was supporting, then up at Aria with equal looks of concern.

“… I want to die…” Aria uttered.

“I MIGHT die…” Adagio countered.

Sonata spoke up. “Well… I liked that super SWAT car and all the smashing…”

“UGH!” Aria shouted. “That’s IT! I’m going to take a page from Bourne’s book and live off the grid!”

Adagio looked up and woozily fixed the back of Aria with a stare. “You know that means no internet, right? I mean… If you’re committed to this idea, that’s fine, but let me know so I can sell all your game accounts and stuff… Now those are worth big bucks!”

Aria grit her teeth and cringed. “That’s IT!” She said throwing up her hands. “I’m going to drink a bunch then cry up in my room for a really long time!”

Sonata’s face lit up. “Oh! Can I lick your face while you do that?! Your tears are so yummy and delicious!”

Adagio grinned. “You don’t mind if I film this and put it online, right? I mean that whole scene is bound to get hundreds of thousands or even MILLIONS of hits on MeTube!”
Aria’s shoulders slumped. “My life is empty…” she uttered in a defeated tone.

Adagio and Sonata exchanged grins. “That wasn’t a nooooooo~!” they sang out.

In Which Adagio is a Slut. Shocking, I Know!

Adagio Dazzle sat in a cushy office chair, her hair tied up in a bun and her normally eye-catchingly flashy clothes swapped out for something a tad more ‘professional’. At least, her clothes themselves were a bit less eye-catching; how Adagio wore them was another story entirely.

A black sports jacket hugged Adagio tightly over a white-button up blouse and said blouse had its top few buttons undone to show off the wearer’s cleavage. At the opposite end of Adagio, black high heels adorned her feet, one hanging on by the toes as Adagio’s black stocking-clad heel was free. The stocking and its partner went up Adagio’s slender legs, both stopping halfway up Adagio’s thighs allowing for a few inches of exposed skin on her crossed legs. A smooth black mini-skirt covered the rest up to Adagio’s waist.

Additionally, she wore a sultry smile and suggestive eyes which constantly drew attention courtesy of her eyelashes which she would bat at a bespectacled, bearded, blue-skinned man sitting across from her at a wooden desk.

The man simply wore a light-blue-buttoned up shirt, had long brown hair and held a sheet of paper which he would glance at in-between looking over to catch Adagio’s eyes, which was easy since both eyes were practically yelling, ‘come and get me’.

The man glanced at the paper one more time, his eyes quickly darting back up with a slightly disbelieving look on his face. “It, uh, it says here you ‘vigorously thank people who give you jobs by,’ um…” The man tightened his brow at the sheet in front of him briefly before putting down the paper entirely and staring directly at Adagio. “… ‘getting on your hands and knees and giving that person a job of your own’ …?”

Adagio’s smile widened and she slowly took her left leg over her right, spread her legs which elected a gasp from the man interviewing her, then put her right leg over her left. “That’s correct. I’m also a cunning linguist.” Adagio glanced upwards. “But we’ll need someone with, hmmm, slightly different qualifications from yourself for me to show those skills.”

Wide-eyed, the man stared at Adagio for a moment, back down at the paper on his desk, then back up. A wide smile suddenly spread across his face. “You’re hired!”

“Yes!” Adagio shouted as she thrust both her hands into the air before she practically drove from the chair and under the desk.

With a happy and unbelieving look on his face, the man tensed ever so slightly to the sound of a zipper coming undone.

“Oh, by the way,” Adagio said casually. “What position was I just hired for?”

In Which Aria and Sonata are Kinda Mean! WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END?!

Adagio Dazzle excitedly threw open the front door to the Dazzlings’ home and stepped inside. She still wore her ‘professional’ outfit, though another button on her blouse was undone exposing her cleavage and a lacy purple bra underneath. Additionally, her hair was now a bit more tousled then it had been earlier in the day and her tights were uneven on her thighs. She could hear the sounds of digital gunfire and explosions coming from the living room, the tell-tale sign that Aria was currently engaged in online warfare.

Adagio quickly made her way through the entryway and into the living room where Aria sat on the edge of the girls’ purple couch holding a controller and wearing a black headset with a microphone in front of her mouth as she stared intently at a large flat-screen TV. Sonata sat in a nearby purple easy chair, a laptop on her lap as she looked at the screen with a smile on her face.

Adagio walked right in front of the TV, an act Aria protested with an irritated look on her face as she attempted to look around Adagio and continue to rapidly press buttons on the controller in her hand.

“I have exciting news!” Adagio exclaimed.

“Don’t care! Move!” Aria said irritably.

Sonata looked up from her screen with mild interest.

Adagio fulfilled Aria’s request of ‘move’ by stepping back closer to the TV and flinging up her mass of curly hair, allowing it to cover the screen as much as possible.

Aria let out an irritated growl as an explosion rocked out from the speakers followed by a loud masculine death rattle. “Dagi! Can this wait?! You’re making us lose the battle against fascist communists or whatever! I’m fighting for freedom over here!”

“Oh, just pause it!” Adagio exclaimed.

Aria focused her irritated gaze on Adagio. “Wow, you really don’t know anything, do you?”

Adagio rolled her eyes. “I’m not wasting my precious brain cells on how video games work. My brain has way more important things to concentrate on.” Adagio motioned to herself with a smile. “Such as the important task it’s going to be tasked with starting next week!”

“Oh! An important task!” Sonata piped up. She leaned forward in excitement as she fired off a few guesses. “Did you get charged with an important quest by a wizard?! Or… or an important quest by a Count? Duke?! Prince?! Princess?! King! QUEEN?!”

Adagio shot Sonata a slightly vexed glance. “No.”

“Oh…” Sonata leaned back with a slightly disappointed look on her face. “Then what’s the big deal?!”

“I’m trying to explain that!” Adagio said as she threw out her hands in irritation.

Aria grumbled to herself. “Can you try explaining later? Or not at all? Maybe I haven’t been explicitly clear here, but I don’t care!” Aria winced and sneered at her headset and glared up at it. “Give me a bit! My dumb roommate won’t leave me alone because she has something stupid to tell me!” Aria paused as she wrinkled her brow and continued to look up at her headset. “… Not as hot as your mom was last night, looser!” she said. Aria lowered her eyebrows and stared at Adagio. “She’s wearing… Like… this business lady outfit, except it and she are a mess like she just fooled around with someone.” Aria scrunched up her forehead in irritation. “What?! I’m not taking a picture, jerk-wad! My phone is, like, all the way across the room!”

Adagio glared at Aria. “Can you forget your stupid game for a minute so we can all discuss what happened to me?!”

Sonata put on a thoughtful expression then smiled. “Scientist discovered a new species of squirrel that only lives in your hair!” she said pointing at Adagio’s hair.

“What?!” Adagio exclaimed. “No! My hair is not—!”

Aria interrupted. “You’ve decided to trial test a new pill that will let you achieve your dream of sleeping all the time.”

Adagio thought on this for a moment. “Well… that would be pretty great, but—”

Sonata piped up. “Your hair has gained Senshi-Ents and now has a will of its own and also a team of magical tree people that fight evil with magic while wearing tight-fitting clothes and skirts.”

“I… WHAT?! How did you even—?”

Aria smirked. “You’ve joined a nunnery and taken a vow of celibacy.”

Adagio’s face contorted in confusion and irritation. “NEVER!” she declared.

Sonata grinned widely. “Your hair decided to devour one of your enemies and now we have a weapon to fight back against all who would stand against us!” she said as she thrust a first into the air.

Aria turned to Sonata and raised an eyebrow. “What is it with you and Adagio’s hair?”

Sonata shrugged. “It’s just so poofy and there’s so much of it! Who knows what secrets it contains?!”

Aria narrowed her eyes. “Well, currently it contains the secrets of what’s happening with the TV.”

Adagio sighed heavily and lowered her hair. “I can’t believe you two are so unbelievably stupid you can’t even figure this out from context clues…”

Aria rolled her eyes. “What, that you sleezed your way into getting a job? Yeah, any idiot could have figured that out from what you were wearing.”

“Oooooooooh….” Sonata replied. “So that’s why she’s dressed like that! I thought she had just gone a few weeks without doing laundry or something.”

Adagio looked down at what she was wearing. “… You thought I ran out of clean ‘rocker clothes’ and resorted to dressing up to do laundry?”

Sonata shrugged. “I figured you’d worn all your see-through pajamas, too… You do wear those a lot, too!”

Aria pursed her lips slightly. “Well… Guess Sonata isn’t just ‘any’ idiot.”

Sonata grinned widely. “I’m special!”

Aria shook her head. “That is one word that would describe it…”

Adagio grimaced slightly. “Okay, so if you knew what my news was why aren’t you more excited?!”

Aria gave Adagio a bemused look. “‘Cause the jobs you get are always stupid and you give up them after a few days of doing them so there’s no point?”

Sonata giggled. “Yeah! How times do you just end up working at schools?!”

Aria shook her head. “Elementary school subs… High school gym teacher subs… It’s too bad no one will pay you to permanently scar children and teenagers!”

Adagio dropped her eyelids slightly. “Okay, but this time—”

Sonata smiled. “Oh I bet it’s a fast-food place again!”

Aria chuckled. “That’ll be a job that’s lucky to last a day!”

Sonata suddenly inhaled, a dreamy look coming over her face. “But I do like it when you get a job at Taco Hut! Your hair smells sooooo good when you get back from work!”

Adagio groaned. “Look, I know I don’t typically land ‘good’ jobs doing this, but this time is different!”

Aria laughed. “Speaking of fast-food places, remember when she got a job as a fast-food mascot?”

“Haha! Oh yeah! That was the best… for me, specifically! So many birthdays we got to go!”

Aria smirked. “Maybe it’s slightly different this time, like a sports mascot!”

“Oooooo!” Sonata said excitedly. “I bet we’ll get free hotdogs!”

“Ugggggh!” Adagio exclaimed. “You two are hopeless!” she cried as she stormed off.

“Let me know when we get our free tickets to an exciting game of sports ball!” Aria called sarcastically after Adagio. She looked at the TV and began hitting buttons on her controller. “Man, talk about a waste of time…”

Sonata giggled. “I know right!” Sonata looked back at her screen and pressed a button on her keyboard. She gasped and let out a sound of girlish delight. “Aria! I just found a video of a cat trying to fit in a drink carrier! You’ve got to watch this!”

Author's Notes:

Thanks to many of the commentators last chapter for some previous job ideas Adagio had. Specifically, RazDelacroix, Seether00, HighRollerHydra, and https://www.fimfiction.net/user/Telaros.

Also thanks to Tired Old Man, who continued to preread and correct this madness.

Surprise! Sunset Shimmer is Angry in This One!

Sunset Shimmer stormed up to the Dazzlings’ front door, her long red-and-yellow hair fluttering behind her as she wore a scowl that seemingly scorched the very air in front of her. She hammered a fist against the door and for good measure stabbed at the doorbell with an index finger. “ADAGIO DAZZLE!” Sunset shouted as she waited outside the door. “Open this door, RIGHT—”

The door opened up, revealing Adagio’s smiling face.

“— NOooow…” Sunset finished, the wind falling from her sails a bit as she looked over Adagio. Rather than wearing one of her many ‘rock-star’ outfits, Adagio was dressed rather professionally. Okay, that skirt is definitely on the ‘mini’ side, but she’s at least wearing stockings and she’s even buttoned up to NOT show off her cleavage?! What the heck is going on?!

Still smiling, Adagio spoke to Sunset and a soothing tone of voice. “Oh yes, Sunset Shimmer, light of my life? What can I do for you?”

Sunset glared and grit her teeth. “Don’t you light of my life, me!” Sunset said in an irate tone. “You know what you did!”

Adagio winced. “Sunset, please! Such hurtful words!” Adagio gave Sunset a faux wounded look. “‘Who I did’,” she corrected. “Believe it or not I always pay close attention to who I do for paternity reasons.”

Sunset groaned. “This isn’t about anything like that.” Sunset narrowed her eyes. “Unless it is.” She sighed. “Oh, who am I kidding, it probably is…”

Still smiling, Adagio rolled her eyes and motioned into the house. “As fun as it is to stand in the doorway as you be vague, would you like to beat around the bush inside?” Adagio grinned slyly and batted her eyelids. “Or are you finally going to go right in for the prize?”

Sunset raised her hands to her temples and messaged them as she walked into the house. “It’s always just one thing with you, isn’t it?! You just can’t do anything like a normal person!”

Adagio lowered her head slightly as she stared out at Sunset. “First of all, I’m a siren turned human who’s centuries old. Second, I can’t help feel you’re not in much of a position to judge.”

Sunset frowned heavily. “Hey, at least I’ve made an attempt to blend in.”

Adagio raised an eyebrow as she walked into the Dazzlings’ living room. “You mean after the whole demon and mind-controlling the school thing.”

“Okay, now I’m not sure who the pot and who the kettle—”

“Sunny!”

Sunset was soon interrupted as Sonata excitedly got off the couch and threw her arms around her, the blue-haired Dazzling squeezing hard as she happily rubbed her face against Sunset’s.

“Oooff… Hey, Sonata…” Sunset greeted. “Uh… What’s with all the excitement?”

“It’s been sooo long since I saw you last! Far too long!” Sonata explained.

Aria flopped down on the couch Sonata had just abandoned, quickly grabbing the remote and reaching for a video game controller on the floor. “Sonata, you saw Sunset like… two days ago at school.”

“Far too long!” Sonata repeated.

With a sheepish grin, Sunset worked her way out of Sonata’s vice-like grip.

Aria nodded in Sunset’s direction as she began to press buttons on her controller. “‘Sup, Sunset. What brings you here?” Aria grinned slyly. “Ready for a one of many rematches?”

Sunset turned to look at Adagio again. “Oh, I think my reason for being here should be quite obvious.”

Adagio grinned. “Yep. Women, men, and the technicolor rainbow in-between, no one can get enough of Adagio Dazzle,” Adagio said as motioned to herself with her fingers, swaying them starting at her head and ending at her hips.

With a heavy sigh, Sunset fell back onto the couch, Aria moving her legs out of the way and sitting up as she hammered buttons with her fingers and stared at the screen.

Sunset fixed Adagio with another irritated glare. “Believe it or not, this isn’t a booty call.”

“I choose not to believe it,” Adagio said.

Sunset grit her teeth. “I’m here because you’ve been skipping school, and that has Principal Celestia worried so, of course, she’s forced me to check up on you.” Sunset glanced at Sonata and Aria. “And when I asked these two they say you got a job traumatizing children.”

Adagio shot Sonata and Aria an irritated glance as the two snickered to themselves. She turned back to Sunset. “And you believed them?”

“Well, normally I’d think that was farfetched, but it is you, sooooo…”

Adagio motioned to herself. “For your information, I have a proper job, the type of job one usually goes to school to get. So now that that’s settled, there’s really no point in me pursuing education either higher or lower…” She frowned slightly. “Besides, at my age it’s pretty ridiculous for me to go to school.”

Aria looked over in interest as Sonata’s eyes lit up. Sonata smiled wide. “Does that mean—?”

“No!” Sunset interrupted.

Sonata let out a whimper as Aria turned back to the TV.

“You two are still idiots,” Adagio pointed out. “I don’t think school will solve that, but at least you’ll be halfway educated idiots.”

Aria rolled her eyes. “Or if worse comes to worst, we can always sleep our way into getting a job.”

“Ah-HA!” Sunset said triumphantly as she leveled an index finger at Adagio. “I knew you didn’t get your job from actually having marketable skills!” Her triumphant look immediately began to drown in a face of deep concern. “And the fact that you’re still pursuing it has me deeply concerned.”

Adagio threw her hands up in the air. “Okay, I may have been accepted to this job using my feminine wiles…”

“Feminine wiles?” Sonata said. “I thought you got this job by doing the crazy monkey dance with someone!”

Sunset turned towards Sonata just long enough for Adagio to grit her teeth and wave her right hand in front of her neck in a ‘stop it’ motion.

Sunset returned her gaze to Adagio giving her an unamused expression.

Adagio threw her hands up. “Look, it doesn’t matter how I got the job! The point is I got a job that would make going to school a complete waste of time!”

Sunset folded her arms across her chest. “And when you get older and you’re not attractive enough to do this—” Sunset air quoted “—‘job’?”

Adagio smirked. “Not that kind of job.”

Sonata smiled. “So it is a job where you wear a costume!”

“Oh, mascot!” Aria exclaimed. “I knew it!”

“Hurray!” Sonata shouted. “Free food is awesome!”

“Ugh, you two morons are hopeless!” Adagio half-growled, motioning to Sunset. “As it turns out, I got a job even Ms. Picky Pants here will approve of.”

Sonata grinned widely at Sunset Shimmer. She began to rock back and forth on her heels excitedly. “Oh please tell me your name is now ‘Ms. Picky Pants’ for realsies and that’s why you wear pants now! Oh please, oh please!”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “That’s not my name.”

“Aw…” Sonata said in mild disappointment as she stopped rocking.

Sunset smirked and turned back to Adagio. “And you actually get a real job, that’ll be the day.”

Adagio’s smile suddenly grinned from ear to ear. “I’m an accountant.”

Sunset’s smile dropped and her turquoise eyes began to stare off far, far in the distance. “Well… this is the day, I suppose.”

Aria looked up from her game. “Whoa… Really?! You got a job that requires thinking and you’ve kept it?!”

Adagio put her hands on her hips, her wide smile still plastered over her face. “Ooooh yes…” She purred. “I spent a long time keeping us financially secure while making sure not to draw too much attention. This job is a breeze and it pays well to boot.” Adagio leaned down and ruffled Sunset’s hair. Sunset said nothing and continued to stare into space. “Now if you’ll excuse me,” Adagio said as she walked off. “I have a very important business meeting to attend.” With that, Adagio walked out of the living room and out of the house entirely.

“Huh…” Sonata uttered. “I didn’t think jobs like Adagio’s happened on Sundays…”

Aria piped up, “Pretty sure Adagio meant a very different kind of business meeting.” She continued to hammer away at the controller on her hand as she spoke. “Adagio said a lot of her clients liked the business suit look on her.”

Sunset’s eyes suddenly focused and she leapt up to her feet. “WHAT?!”

Aria shrugged. “Old habits die hard, I guess.”

Sonata tapped her chin a couple times. “But I thought McLain’s died hard… And that’s why they often come back as ghosts!”

Aria’s lips curled up as if she had just tasted something sour. “I hate that I followed your logic enough to understand that…”

Sunset suddenly bolted out of the room and out of the house. “Adagio! ADAGIO! COME BACK! BEING EMPLOYED MEANS YOU DON’T HAVE TO SELL YOUR BODY ANYMORE!”

“‘HAVE TO’ IS NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE FROM ‘WANT TO’, YOU KNOW!” Adagio shouted back.

Guess What Day It Is!

‘THUD!’

Adagio and Aria flinched as the door in front of them heaved slightly towards them, the slivers of light that peeked around it and the frame shifting in the darkness they found themselves in.

There was a moment when she was distracted… Where they tried to make their escape. Perhaps if the two had split up at least one of them would have made it, but something… perhaps love or even fear kept the women’s hands firmly clasped together.

The two women had tried to take their leave. To go far, far away… But either planning, dumb luck, or the sheer amount of material at her disposal, every window and door was blocked. Blocked by things Adagio and Aria did not have the time or stomach capacity to get through.

‘THUD!’

Aria swallowed as she felt her heart pump fast and her chest and her inside roils like thousands of tiny little pinpricks dancing through her digestive system. Although she had always considered herself the strongest of the three Dazzlings, somehow she couldn’t help but wrap her arms around Adagio and hold on tight finding the odd comfort in the pair of arms also wrapped around her and the abundance of hair that filled the closet. “That door will hold, right?” Aria said in a frightened, if barely hopeful tone. “Just… Or I mean… She’ll at least get bored and move on to something else… Toddlers have more focus than her…”

‘THUD!’

After a lengthy pause, Adagio shook her head. “I don’t think so, Aria… Not today…” Adagio chuckled in a dark tone that sent shivers down Aria’s spine. Aria had heard all manner of smug and even outright evil laughter from Adagio, but this was utterly unlike anything Aria had heard before. The laugh sounded… hollow, defeated even.

Adagio continued, “We were fools not to pay attention to the signs… We knew she could be a tad obsessive and unhinged but…” Adagio sighed heavily. “Everything was right there in front of us and we stupidly went on thinking we’d be safe…”

‘THUD!’

The women’s bodies tensed as they somehow huddled together even closer than before, both let out pained groans as the pressure on their insides built. Still, they clung to each other in the near pitch-blankness of the tiny room.

Adagio spoke in a soft tone, barely above a whisper “It was just… the perfect storm… the perfect combination to finally send her off the deep end…”

‘THUD!’

The tense feeling of pressure outside the door and inside Aria seemed to only increase, and her heart continued to race in her chest. Out of ways she thought she’d go out this was… was… Okay, this was admittedly pretty near the top of untimely ends she could have expected. Regardless, this might be her last opportunity to share her true feelings with the woman holding on tightly to her. “Dagi… Adagio… If we don’t make it out of this… I just want you to know… That I hate you… but damn if I don’t find you strangely sexy.”

Adagio paused momentarily then looked at Aria with wide, surprised eyes. “That’s the best thing you could have said to me…”

Aria nodded and held onto Adagio tighter. “I know Adagio, I know…”

With on more solid ‘THUD!’ the wood splintered and the door fell eschew out of its frame. The two women clutched each other all the tighter as it was slowly opened, light flooding into the little closet around the silhouette of a woman with a ponytail and a wedge-shaped item held in her right hand.

Adagio looked up at Sonata with a pleading look as Aria buried her face in Adagio’s mass of curls. “Please, Sonata…” Adagio said. “Just… Let us have a breather… A few hours at least…”

“No…” Sonata said in a cold whisper. “Time is running out, and you two still have so much to finish before we’re through.”

Although Aria couldn’t see, she was sure Sonata was smiling. Smiling that mad smile beyond all reason and sanity. She heard the crinkling of paper and that’s when she accepted that her fate was sealed.

Maniacal laughter poured from Sonata’s mouth and spilled out into the tiny closet, overflowed into the house spilling over hallways littered with taco wrappers and sauce packets. It flowed over tables, desks, and counter every inch covered in tex-mex, street, and even the dreaded fish taco.

Against her better judgement, Aria glanced up at Sonata and felt the spicy pit in her stomach grow even bigger. There was no mercy, no chance of respite in Sonata’s eyes.

In fact, there was nothing… Nothing but tacos.

Happy National Taco Day on Taco Tuesday Everyone!

There is no escape!

Do You Wanna Commit Copyright Infringement?

Author's Notes:

This chapter inspired by Nova Quill's own collection of Dazzling shorts Putting the Fun in Dysfunctional. Specifically, this chapter.

Illuminated only by the gentle streetlights outside and wearing a set of buttoned-up pink pajamas, Sonata stared out her window with a look of wonder as large clumps of fluffy white snowflakes gently drifted past and joined the generous layer of snow on the ground.

She had only gotten up because she had one juice box too many before going to sleep and that meant she had to make a trip to the little girl's room. Luckily her own room was kept lit by the blue canary in the socket by the lightswitch which watched over her. The hallway was pretty dark except for a similar light the marked the way to the bathroom. When she got back to her room she took a small glance at the window and that was enough, or enough and a half even for her to take notice of the weather outside.

While it was technically true it was past her bedtime and also probably too early to get up for the day, the unexpected sight of snow caught her eye, both of them, in fact. Its cottony composition beckoning her towards the window to take a gander of what was a perfectly pristine plane of pale white precipitation on the ground.

Sonata’s tiredness had been replaced by a feeling of giddy excitement like ground covered by so much snow. The desire to frolic in the feather-light frozen material was overwhelming and she almost rushed outside without a second thought. However, frolicking was only so much fun by herself. If she wanted to enjoy this moment to its fullest, she’d need to enlist the help of one or more people.

Thankfully one or more people just so happened to share a house with her. Her fuzzy pink bunny slippers scampering across her room’s carpet and hardwood floor of the hallway outside, Sonata raised a fist up to a closed wooden door and rapped her knuckles against it.

‘Knock, knock, knock!’

There was a short, silent pause followed by the sound of blankets rustling after a few tired and confused utterances. Stepped in groggy annoyance, Adagio Dazzle’s voice out. “I don’t know which one of you two that is, but given what time it is, the house better be on FIRE for your sake!”

Sonata’s face lit up just like a tree covered in LED lights. She immediately broke into song. “Do you want to build a snowman~?”

There was a long drawn out groan from the other side of the door. “Sonata, it’s five o’clock in the F@&%ING MORNING!”

“Come on let's go and play~!”

“That’s still some ungodly hour even with me waking up early enough to go to work most mornings!”

“I never see you anymore~”

“BULLS#!%, YOU SEE ME EVERY DAY OF MY UNFORTUNATE LIFE!”

“Come out the door~”

The sound of covers being thrown roughly to the floor could be heard followed by heavy stomps towards the door.

“It’s like you’ve gone~—”

The door suddenly flew open, revealing magenta eyes full of veins and promises of violence framed by curly orange hair, a brow that was so furrowed even the wrinkles on it looked angry, and a twisted and contorted pursed mouth.

Sonata’s eyes flew open in surprise and she immediately brought her arms up in front of her. “NOT IN THE FACE!”

“I’ll go outside and bring you some snow right now if you go knock on Aria’s door and start singing that same song.”

Sonata immediately dropped her arms and stared at Adagio in disbelief. “Wha… You’re going to bring snow for me to play with… inside?!”

“Believe me, you’re going to need it,” Adagio replied as she tied a white robe around her evening wear which clearly did very little to protect her from the cold. “Now get singing!”

With an excited “Eeeee!” Sonata rushed down the hall in front of another door as Adagio stomped off towards a set of stairs leading down.

Sonata wasted no time in knocking on the door.

“I heard everything!” Aria Blaze’s voice called out. “If I hear even one line from that song I’m going to stop playing this game long enough for a quick round of ‘Clam Kicker’.”

Sonata paused. She had no earthly or even Equestrialy clue what ‘Clam Kicker’ was, but if anything Aria’s words sounded less like a threat and more like a fun invitation. “Do you want to build a snowman~!”

The sounds of heavy footwear rushing across the floor was heard moments before Aria’s door flew open.

“Come on let's go and—~!”

Before Sonata could completely grasp the situation, a boot-clad foot flew up in between her legs before coming to an abrupt, agony inducing halt with a solid ‘thwack!’

“—plaAAAAHIEEEE!” Sonata shrieked as her hands flew for her crotch and she hit the ground doubled over. “Right in the mean bean machine!” she hollered.

With a glare, Aria slammed the door and the sounds of her stomping back into the room rang out.

“Ow… OUCHIES!” Sonata bellowed. “THIS IS THE WORST PAIN FOR REALSIES! I NEED AN ICE PACK OR SOMETHING!”

Adagio came marching up the stairs as she held a snow shovel piled high with snow. She wordlessly dumped the contents all over Sonata’s crumpled body, dropped the snow shovel, and then marched back into her room slamming the door behind her.

“… Thank you…” Sonata said meekly.

The Dazzlings Do Thanksgiving Part 1: A Delicious Cut of Meat

Sunset Shimmer stood on a familiar doorstep and stared at a familiar door, her heart pounding in an all too familiar fashion as she felt a regrettably familiar sense of hesitation well up inside her. She had been here more times than she cared to admit and rarely, if ever, had it been an enjoyable experience. At least this time she had brought plenty of support.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” a young man’s voice asked.

Support that would not stop asking her the same freakin’ question!

Sunset wheeled around and shot an annoyed glance at the source of the voice, squinting slightly in the dim light of as dusk set in. “Flash! I already said I was tired of hearing that question!”

“Okay, but you never actually answer it!” Flash Sentry retorted.

The scowl on Sunset’s face deepened. Flash stood off the doorstep about an arm’s length away. Behind him were most of Sunset’s friends, standing on a walkway flanked by grass that looked like it was cut unevenly with a sword rather than a lawnmower. Two exceptions to Sunset’s friend brigade being Twilight Sparkle, who was back in Equestria probably not having to deal with the same, admittedly reasonable, question over and over again, and also Twilight Sparkle who was standing next to Sunset Shimmer with a trepidatious look on her face as if she had picked up on everyone else’s misgivings at the group’s current location.

Sunset shot a quick ‘thank you’ to the powers that be that this world’s Twilight had the decency to wear glasses and a different hairstyle than that of her pony-world counterpart. Granted, the two Twilights didn’t exactly have mirror personalities, but it was nice to be able to tell them apart at a glance.

“He has a point, partner,” Applejack chimed in from next to Flash. “Ah mean, just about everyone here has asked that question—”

“I haven’t!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed excitedly.

Applejack’s lips tightened in irritation as she powered on. “—but you just snap at us and move on.”

A few girls in the group nodded their heads in agreement.

Sunset let out a huff. “Look, we all agreed we’d come here as a unified friendship force.”

Rarity raised an index finger. “After much protest.”

Rainbow Dash nodded her head towards Rarity in agreement. “Yeah! You practically guilt-tripped us into going!”

Sunset threw her hands up in the air. “Because the Dazzlings actually extended the olive branch of friendship towards us for a change! I mean, how would it look as diplomats of friendship—”

“Wait,” Rainbow Dash said as she glanced upwards and tightened her brow. “Are we the Unified Friendship Force or the Diplomats of Friendship?”

Rarity’s eyes lit up. “The Fabulous Friends!”

“The Magnificent Seven!” Applejack cried.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes this time. “That’s taken, AJ.”

“Ah know! But there’s actually seven of us!”

“What about Flash?” Fluttershy asked.

“He doesn’t count!” Applejack exclaimed. She turned towards Flash. “No offence.”

“None taken,” Flash said. His lips tightened slightly. “Still a little sad, though.”

Twilight gave Sunset a hesitant glance. “Uh… should I…”

“No,” Sunset said bluntly. She looked back over the group. “Focus everyone, we’re not here to…”

“Super Friends!” Pinkie said excitedly as she jumped up and down.

“Also already taken, dear,” Rarity pointed out.

“… Animal Friends,” Fluttershy suggested.

A unified groan went up from the group.

“Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash began, “you’re the only one who’s that much into animals!”

Fluttershy put on a pout. “But you all have pets! Also we kinda turn into ponies when we transform… Look, maybe if you see my presentation again, I can…”

“No! Just ‘no’, Fluttershy!” Rainbow Dash said forcefully as she crossed her arms in front of her in the shape of an ‘X’ before throwing them to her sides. “No amount of bullet point slides and cute animal sound effects are going to sell us on the name.”

Fluttershy let out a sad whimper.

“Alright,” Applejack said as she inserted herself in between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. “This is gettin’ a might bit heated, maybe we should table this discussion for—”

Pinkie Pie suddenly inhaled as much air as she could fit in her lungs. “The-Unified-Magnificent-Seven-Fabulous-Animal-Diplomatic-Friendship-Force!”

Everyone turned to stare at Pinkie.

“… T.M.!” Pinkie added added.

Sunset looked over the group with a frazzled smile. “We can talk about this later.” She turned towards the door and raised her hand to knock. “Right now we—”

“You still haven’t answered the question, darling,” Rarity said.

Sunset’s left eye twitched and her forced smile twisted upwards and turned crooked. She turned and began to motion to everyone individually. “Twilight’s learning about friendship, Applejack and Rainbow Dash get to have their crazy, borderline violent, video game competitions with Aria, Fluttershy gets to check up on Aria’s goat—”

Fluttershy glanced behind the group. “The goat is eating the Dazzlings’ mailbox…”

“See! She’s already on it!” Sunset continued, “Flash gets to be the only guy in a group of almost a dozen girls…”

“That’s a great point, actually, even if three of those girls are completely bonkers,” Flash said. “I formally retract any protests I might have issued.”

“Pinkie actually wants to be here.”

Pinkie smiled. “I get to hang out with Sonata! Go team TUMSFADFF T.M.!”

“Four of the girls,” Flash corrected. “I stand by my previous decision.”

Sunset focused her gaze on Rarity. “And you can… I don’t know, talk to Adagio about fashion or something!”

Rarity pursed her lips. “I’ve tried that. The conversation actually goes great until Adagio starts talking about ‘evening wear’, offers to model some of her existing outfits, and starts rubbing my thigh.”

Sunset folded her arms across her chest and glanced away for a second. “Just like… Wait for her to start rubbing herself against someone else and start the conversation!”

Applejack seemed taken aback. “Yer suggestin’ Rarity strikes up a conversation after that nymphomaniac with cheesy-poof hair starts harassing someone else here?”

Fluttershy put on a thoughtful look while Rainbow Dash raised her hand. “I can volunteer for that,” Rainbow Dash chimed in.

Fluttershy frowned slightly but said nothing.

Twilight looked over the group in confusion. “I feel I’m missing a fair bit of context here… Like, all of it.”

Sunset shook her head. “No one needs to become Adagio’s unwilling or semi-willing victim here because she’ll probably have her hands all over Trixie!”

A collection of surprised exclamations of protest rolled through the group.

“… Oops…” Sunset uttered.

“Okay, five bonkers girls,” Flash said. “Still in.”

“Again,” Twilight chimed in. “All of the context, all of it.”

Sunset turned towards Twilight. “The Dazzlings were involved in a mind control plot to take over the school and Trixie once trapped us in a storage room.” Sunset put up her hands in a shrug. “The first is sort of old hat for everyone here and the second is small potatoes compared to everything else the group has gone through.”

Applejack spoke up. “You didn’t mention anything about Trixie being here, though! Ah mean, our history with her goes beyond some entrapment while under the effects of mind control.”

Sunset narrowed her eyes. “Look, if anyone can benefit from a little TUMSFADFF—”

“T.M.!” Pinkie stressed.

Sunset sighed. “—T.M. it’s Trixie!”

Rainbow Dash grit her teeth. “But she’s just so… so... so… self-centered!”

If looks could scream, Rainbow Dash would have gone deaf from everyone giving her expressions that screamed ‘really?!’

Rainbow Dash chuckled nervously. “Alright, retracted, but still… Trixie!”

“Come on guys!” Sunset said. “Think of all the friendship we can spread like cranberry sauce over delicious turkey.”

Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy all exchanged glances.

“Darling, you and Pinkie have been to everyone’s family Thanksgiving celebrations.” Rarity said. “You can’t possibly still be thinking about food.”

Pinkie’s eyes focused on a point far, far beyond the house. “I spent all week just making pies for everyone’s Thanksgiving. I’ll be dead before I fail at getting them to everyone… and watch them eat them!”

Rarity grimaced. “My parents were wondering why you insisted on an early dessert… and why you kept staring…”

“Well, that explains Pinkie,” Applejack said, “but what about Sun—”

Much to Applejack’s surprise she soon found the green collar of her shirt in Sunset’s grasp.

“We don’t eat turkey in Equestria, Applejack, and that’s our folly!” The hints of a manic grin hit Sunset’s face. “Do you know how many ways there are to prepare turkey?!” Sunset released her grip and let out a heavy sigh. “Oh, when will Equestrians learn that quality of life can be greatly improved with the occasional murder of a bird or pig, setting it on fire, and then feasting on its flesh?”

“Uh… alright then…” Applejack said in an unsure tone as Twilight gave Sunset a concerned look.

“I don’t eat animals,” Fluttershy said meekly.

“Good for you, you’re wrong!” Sunset said.

Fluttershy’s eyes went wide and she let out a distressed whimper as the rest of the group looked at Sunset in slight shock.

Pinkie looked at Sunset accusingly. “That’s not very TUMSFADFF T.M. of you.”

Sunset gave Fluttershy an apologetic look. “Sorry Fluttershy, but I eat just so much junk during the year because I can’t cook or bake… like at all… I mean… remember the bake sale?”

Everyone but Twilight grimaced.

“How could we forget?!” Flash exclaimed. “How could anyone within a ten block radius of the bake sale forget?!”

Rarity wrapped her arms around herself and shivered slightly. “I had to go to the hospital, and then to therapy, and then I was triggered by some gingerbread men at the store, had a panic attack, and had to go to therapy at the hospital.”

“See!” Sunset said. “I’ve got to get in as much delicious home-cooked meals I can, even if those meals come from the Dazzlings… And I sure as heck don’t want to deal with their insanity on my own.”

“Words hurt, Sunset Shimmer,” a syrupy feminine voice said.

The group jumped slightly and turned to the heavy wooden door as it slowly opened revealing Adagio Dazzle wearing a ribbed purple sweater with an opening on the chest that showed her cleavage and a piece of black fabric that could generously be called a ‘skirt’ but was a close to size to a belt. She looked over the group as a alluring grin oozed across her face like thick gravy poured over mashed potatoes. Her eyes focused on Flash. “Really, Sunset? Just one man? The poor boy is going to be practically dead by the time all us ladies are done with him.”

“Definitely in,” Flash said.

Adagio opened her lips into a smirk. “Not yet, dear.”

Flash grinned wide and leered at Adagio, who only seemed to relish in the attention.

Sunset turned to glare at Flash and punched him in the shoulder.

“Ow!” Flash exclaimed as he rubbed his shoulder. “Hey, you’re the one who brought up the guy/girl ratio! And I’m not made out of stone.”

Members of the group began to sniff the air and all the eyes turned to the open door Adagio was standing in.

“That’s right,” Adagio struck a pose. “Get a good look.”

Despite Adagio’s comments, all eyes and noses remained pointed to the door even Twilight and Fluttershy stayed focus on the entryway without a hint of pinkness in their cheeks.

“Oh my stars and garters,” Rarity uttered. “That smells heavenly.”

Rainbow Dash began to salivate. “Oooooh, I want all of that inside me.”

Adagio’s grin widened. “Well, I know what I’m going to be thankful for…”

Applejack’s face lit up. “Wooo-wee! It smells like an entire feast is being cooked in there.”

Adagio nodded. “Sonata goes all out for Thanksgiving…” The hints of a consternation crossed Adagio’s expression. “There’s really no stopping her…”

The group simply stood in front of the house, looking at Adagio expectantly.

“Well, don’t just stand there!” Adagio said as she stepped into the house and opened the door wide. “Come on! I can use some people to talk Aria and Trixie out of catatonia…”

“Wait, what?” Sunset said as she walked in, the group shuffling in after her.

“Do you want to know what 17 birds stuffed into each other a bed of herbs, onions, and salted pork tastes like or not?”

“Oh, God. More than anything,” Sunset answered.

“That’s what I thought,” Adagio said as the last few girls shuffled in. “Sit down! Make yourself at home! For-the-love-of-God-stay-out-of-the-kitchen.”

“Seriously, what is going on?” Twilight asked.

“Oh my gosh!” Adagio said as she closed the door. “Twilight, are you trying a new look?! It’s so… so… submissive-looking. I want to devour it.”

“Meep!” Twilight uttered in alarm. She turned towards a doorway the other girls had shuffled through. “Sunset?”

“Oh my gosh! Now I know what it likes to want to make love to a smell!”

Adagio inched closer to Twilight, causing the timid girl to back against a wall.

“Stop! I’ll scream!” Twilight cried.

Adagio leaned her head close to Twilight’s. “Not if I cover your mouth with mine…”

Twilight swallowed, suddenly wishing the wall her back against was a bit less unyielding and maybe equipped with some pepper spray or a taser.

End Part 1

Author's Notes:

Part one of some holiday shenanigans that I'll hopefully get through during the long break.

The Dazzlings Do Thanksgiving Part 2: Submissive Bread

“Wait!” Twilight cried. “I’m not the Twilight you think I am!”

Adagio backed off a few inches. “Well, I see you changed your look, but it’s not like that means you’re a completely different person… Plus that hardly matters since I’ve hardly had any interactions with you.”

“No, but—”

Adagio’s alluring smile returned. “I think we should fix that, you and I.” Adagio put a hand on Twilight’s waist. “Maybe a private friendship lesson or two would help.”

“Ghah! I’m-not-the-Twilight-from-Equestria-I’m-from-here!”

Adagio backed up about a foot. “Oh! Oooohhhh!” She extended her right hand. “In that case, I’m Adagio Dazzle.”

“Uh… Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight said as she took Adagio’s hand.

“Nice to meet you,” Adagio said. She once again closed the distance between herself and Twilight, putting on a devilish grin. “Now would you like to get to know me on a more personal level?”

“I uh… Need an adult…” Twilight uttered.

Adagio’s grin widened as she opened her mouth to speak.

“Before you say anything, I need a different adult.”

Adagio put on a ponderous expression. “You girls are like… High School seniors, right?”

“Well yeah, however…”

“Hold that thought.”

Before Twilight could muster her thoughts for a response, Adagio was gone, and before Twilight could move more than a few inches to figure out where Adagio had gone or perhaps summon someone else for support, Fluttershy was pushed into view, Adagio right behind her.

“Found an adult that wasn’t me,” Adagio said, poking her head out from behind Fluttershy’s long, pink hair.

“Eep…” Fluttershy said.

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “I need an adult who has at least a little more self-confidence than me.” She turned towards Fluttershy. “No offense.”

“No, that’s fair,” Fluttershy replied.

Adagio flashed Twilight a sour look. “Oh, you’re so picky.” Her smile returned. “Come on! Let’s make a timid sandwich.”

Twilight and Fluttershy took turns blushing and shuffling awkwardly.

Adagio glanced up and tapped on her chin. “Though, being the ‘meat’ to you two being the submissive ‘bread’ is hardly going to work…” Adagio glanced towards the entryway that she had appeared from with Fluttershy. “Maybe I can get one of the other girls or Flash to—”

Sunset’s scowling face suddenly appeared in the entryway. “Adagio, the heck do you think you’re doing with those poor girls?”

Twilight took this opportunity to get past Adagio and hide behind Sunset.

Sunset glanced behind her and shook her head. “Never mind, I figured it out.”

“It’s your fault for leaving them with me unsupervised!” Adagio declared, her hands still on Fluttershy’s shoulders. “I mean, what did you think would happen?” Adagio swung her fist in front of her chest. “Arrange a series of exciting board games to play?”

Sunset narrowed her eyes. “I’m trying really hard to come up with a good counterargument for that.”

Adagio smirked. “Anyways, I was wondering if—”

“No,” Sunset said coldly.

Adagio her hands on her hips. “You didn’t let me finish.”

“You were going to ask if I’d help you in some bizarre four-way with these two.”

Adagio gave Sunset an indignant look. “No! I was going to suggest a mostly regular four-way… Things weren’t going to get weird until we had been going at it for a while.”

Sunset rolled her eyes then focused them elsewhere. “You doing okay there, Fluttershy?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” Fluttershy answered.

“Alright, but I need your help with Aria and Trixie.” Sunset shot Adagio another scowl. “Someone seems to be ignoring the fact that they’re catatonic out in the living room.”

“Hey, I made them comfortable.” Adagio’s gaze got distant for a second. “That’s all that can be done for them at this point.”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “You act like they’re mortally wounded.”

Adagio shook her head. “Maybe not mortally, but they certainly have some mental scars that aren’t going to go away… ever. Trust me, I’ve been there more times than I care to recount… Aria, too.” Adagio shook her head. “That idiot should know better by now.”

“What happened to them?” Fluttershy asked.

“Trixie wandered into the kitchen looking for snacks. Once I heard her scream, I had to quickly pull my shirt up over my head, run in, and blindly grope around the oddly moist kitchen until I found her.” Adagio glanced to her left and scrunched her lips slightly. “Which sounds like something I’d normally enjoy, but it was pretty terrifying in this case.”

“Wait, you pulled your shirt up over your head?” Sunset asked. “Just like that?”

Adagio gave Sunset a disbelieving look. “Sunset, it’s me. Are you really surprised about me exposing my bra to anyone, let alone Sonata, Aria, and Trixie?”

“No, just… Your hair!” Sunset said pointing at Adagio’s massive locks of orange hair. “How’d the heck did you pull your shirt up over your head ‘quickly’?! I mean… that looks like a five minute ordeal.”

“When you’ve had this much hair as long as I have, you get really good at figuring out how to squeeze and compress it.” Adagio shook her head. “Hoodies would be pretty useless to me otherwise.”

Twilight poked her head out from behind Sunset. “I feel like we’re getting a bit off topic.”

“Right,” Sunset said. “So Trixie is all… zoned out because she saw something weird in the kitchen?”

Adagio winced. “More like horrific, really…” Adagio shook her head. “Sonata is always messy when she cooks, but every year at Thanksgiving she turns that into some sort of horrible weaponized art form.”

Sunset scratched the back of her head. “Uh, alright… Aria?”

Adagio put on a bored expression and sighed, resting her chin on one of Fluttershy’s shoulders. “When the cavalcade of weird animal noises stopped—”

“Whoa… Animal noises?” Sunset asked.

“I told you, Sonata goes all out! She killed pretty much everything we’re going to eat herself.”

Sunset sniffed the air as her eyes went wide. “Is it bad that I want to have dinner even more now?”

Fluttershy let out a distressed squeak.

Adagio glanced at Fluttershy. “I have no words of comfort for you. Those animals died horribly.”

Fluttershy sniffled and let out quiet, but high pitched whines.

“Oh my gosh, you are adorable!” Adagio said. “Do I… Do I just mention terrible things happening to animals to get you to make those noises?”

“Please don’t,” Fluttershy said timidly.

Adagio grinned. “What’s black and white and red all over?”

Fluttershy put on a worried expression. “A newspaper?” she answered hopefully.

Adagio shook her head. “A panda bear with all four limbs in four separate food processors.”

“SqeeeeEEEEeeek!”

Adagio rubbed her chin and squinted her eyes thoughtfully. “Geez, Thanksgiving of ’87 was weirder than usual.”

“Eeeeeeeks!”

“Focus, Adagio!” Sunset said.

“Right… Aria thought it was too quiet and made up some excuse about wanting to see if Sonata hurt herself so she could make fun of her, but of course she was just being… that uh… that weeaboo word about acting like a bitch to hide how you really feel about someone … Aria would know it…”

“Tsundere?” Fluttershy suggested.

“Right! Moon-speak word. Anyway, Aria, even though she absolutely should know better, walks in, and freaks out, but at least has the decency to get herself out of the kitchen so I didn’t have to go in a second time. Of course now she’s going to be completely out of it until dinner’s ready.”

Sunset’s brow creased as she scrunched her lips to the left. “There’s got to be something we can do…”

As if as on cue, Rainbow Dash walked up from behind Sunset and Twilight. “Welp, we’ve tried everything! Applejack told Aria she punches like a girl, I told Trixie that she wasn’t as awesome as me, Rarity told Aria dubs are better than subs, though that probably would have worked better if Rarity could say that without all the crying.”

Fluttershy winced. “Poor Rarity, that must have taken something from her to even try saying that…”

Rainbow Dash continued, “Applejack said that cowboy hats were way better than wizard hats…”

Twilight perked up. “Like… At blocking the weather? Keeping the sun off one’s face?”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I don’t know! She just said they were better.”

Twilight put on a slightly miffed look. “Well, I mean… You can’t just say something like that without qualifying exactly how the hats differ…”

Sunset gave Twilight a chagrined look. “Twilight?”

“Right, focusing,” Twilight said.

“Anyway,” Rainbow Dash said, “I even called Aria a ‘filthy casual’ and followed that up with ‘git gud scrub’… Nothing!”

Fluttershy spoke up. “Erm… Have you tried being nice?”

“No,” Rainbow Dash said as she put on a confused expression. “Why would I? It’s Aria and Trixie!”

Adagio nodded her head in agreement.

Sunset raised an eyebrow in Adagio’s direction. “I thought you liked Trixie.”

“’Like’ is a strong word, Sunset.”

“Uh… No?” Sunset replied. “I mean… it’s one of the mildest forms of expressing a positive emotion towards someone.”

Adagio put her hands up in front of her. “Whoa, whoa… You’re being awfully presumptuous about my feelings on Trixie.”

Sunset closed her eyes and sighed. Bringing a hand up to her forehead, she shook her head. “You at least thought to invite her here.”

Adagio shrugged. “She can be fun to have around, I admit.” Adagio narrowed her eyes. “But that doesn’t mean I have feelings for the girl.”

“Right, forget I said anything.”

Fluttershy spoke up again, “I really think we should try being kind to the girls.”

Adagio shook her head. “If you treat them nice now they’re just going to expect it from you all the time! And then they’re going to want all kinds of unreasonable things!”

Sunset folded her arms in front of her chest, “Like basic human decency?”

“Hey, I’ve only been human for a blink of an eye considering how long I’ve lived, so cut me some slack,” Adagio snapped.

A corner of Sunset’s mouth pulled upwards tightly. “Fair enough, I guess.”

Fluttershy gave the girls an awkward smile and walked away from Adagio and past Sunset, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight. “I’m going to try my idea.”

“Fiiiine!” Rainbow Dash huffed as she turned and followed Fluttershy.

Sunset and Twilight turned to follow.

“Just a second, you two,” Adagio called out.

Sunset and Twilight turned, Sunset doing it with a sigh. “What is it?” Sunset asked.

“While your friends in there are busy wasting their time, maybe you, new Twilight, and I can get better acquainted… alone?” Adagio said, finishing her sentence with an enthralling smile and a wink.

With an “Eep”, Twilight went back to hiding behind Sunset who gave Adagio an incredulous look. “Not going to happen,” Sunset said.

“Oh, come on!” Adagio said. “Don’t you want to break in the new Twilight?”

“Ba-ba-break in?” Twilight stuttered.

Sunset glared at Adagio. “She’s not a new pair of shoes, Adagio!”

“Of course not!” Adagio said. “That would imply there’s a pair of her here! We need the second Twilight for that simile to stick.”

Sunset sighed heavily, brought her fingertips up to her temples, and began to massage them.

Adagio stepped up to the girls and leaned past Sunset to better examine Twilight, who shifted in an attempt to keep Sunset in-between her and Adagio.

“No,” Adagio mused. “I’d say she’s more like new cute pajama—” Adagio squinted “—bottoms… definitely bottoms.”

Sunset shut her eyes hard and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Could you lay off the poor girl for little while?”

“Hmm, I’d much rather lay on her, actually.”

Twilight ducked her head behind Sunset.

Sunset scrunched up her lips hard. “…Walked right into that one.”

“WhaaAaahAieeeeEeeeek!”

The girls jumped slightly as the alarmed cries of Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy all rang out. After a quick exchange of glances, they all ran into the living room.

End Part 2

The Dazzlings Do Thanksgiving Part 3: Catatonic Stuffing

Sunset Shimmer, Adagio Dazzle, and Twilight Sparkle all rushed into the living room as the sounds of struggling reached their ears. Inside the spacious living room with its gaudy, golden wall decorations, they found their friends who had let out startled cries just moments before. Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were in the grasp of the two girls who were thought to have been in a catatonic state.

Aria Blaze sat in the Dazzlings’ large purple easy chair, but now had her arms wrapped around Rarity and Applejack’s necks, both of them pulled close to Aria. Similarly, Trixie sat on a matching purple love chair, her arms similarly wrapped around Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy’s necks. Although most of the girls struggled in vain to free themselves, breathing didn’t seem to be an issue. Rainbow Dash and Applejack struggled hard to escape their captors’ grasp, pushing against the girls that held them or attempting to pry loose their arms. Fluttershy put up a modest effort, attempting to push away slightly or wiggle out of Trixie’s grasp. Rarity seemed oddly accepting of her fate as she cried an apology to Aria regarding the ‘horrible thing she said’.

“Well, this is new,” Adagio commented as she observed the two groups of three girls all trapped in their own way.

“A little help?” Rainbow Dash said as she pushed hard against Trixie’s abdomen, her forehead pressing against Trixie’s left breast.

“What happened?” Sunset asked.

“No, this is fine,” Rainbow Dash said in irritation. “Just do nothing and ask questions!”

“We all tried ‘being nice’ is what happened,” Applejack said as she forced her head back into Aria’s right breast, thrust her hands between the small space between her chin and Aria’s arm, and began to push. With a strained grunt and a hard shove, she continued, “Ah told Aria she actually hits very hard…”

Rainbow Dash spoke up, “I told Trixie she was actually a halfway-decent guitar player.”

“I told Trixie I liked her tricks with the doves and bunnies,” Fluttershy chimed in.

Rarity’s borderline hysteric voice cut in. “I told Aria I was SoOoOoOoOrry for the horrible lie I said!”

Twilight turned towards Sunset. “Maybe in their stressed state of mind the girls are clinging both physically and mentally to things that make them feel better?”

Sunset rubbed an index finger over her chin. “I guess that makes some degree of sense…”

Applejack let out a heavy sigh and ceased her escape attempt. “Well, that’s all fine and good,” she said. “How’d you suppose we get them to let go?”

Sunset shrugged. “I don’t know! Maybe you all can hang tight”—

“Hardy-har-har,” Rainbow Dash said in annoyance.

—“for a bit. Looks like the girls could use a little support.”

Adagio nodded her head up and down. “Believe me, they do.”

“So much… gizzard…” Aria mumbled as she stared off into space.

Everyone stopped and stared at Aria.

“… I think you mean ‘many’,” Twilight said. “So many gizzards.”

Aria regained enough of her senses to shoot an irritated glance at Twilight. “How about when all the gizzards are mushed up into a gory paste?”

“… Uh…”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Aria snapped.

“Oh good, you’re awake!” Applejack said. “Now let go!”

Aria turned and sneered at Applejack. “… No!” she said simply as she pulled Applejack and Rarity into a sort of angry hug.

Applejack let out a defeated sigh and let her arms fall to her sides as Aria pulled her closer.

Rarity burst into tears and embraced Aria back and buried her head in Aria’s chest. “Aria, I’m soOoOoOoOoOoO sorry for what I said earlier, dear! I’d never actually mean anything to slander the beautiful Japanese language!”

Surprisingly, a small tear leaked from Aria’s eye and went down her cheek as she nuzzled Rarity. “I know Rarity, I know.”

“Huh…” Adagio uttered. “So Rarity’s a weeb, too?”

Sunset turned towards Adagio. “She’s got something of an obsession with Japanese culture that’s borderline consuming at times…” Sunset shook her head. “She went pretty bonkers when Kill-La-Kill came out because it was partially about clothes and fashion…” Sunset winced slightly as she remembered a more troublesome memory. “She kept on making me dress like the main character and recite her lines in Japanese for some reason…”

“Still stuck here!” Rainbow Dash called as she waved a hand in the air.

“So is Applejack and Rarity,” Sunset pointed out. “Maybe you can just be happy you’re making Trixie feel better on some level or another?”

Rainbow Dash paused and thought about this for moment. “No, I don’t think I have the mental-whatsit to do that with Trixie.”

Sunset let out a sound that was a cross between a groan and a sigh.

Fluttershy looked over at Rainbow Dash. “Maybe there’s a good reason for us being stuck… Like… like we’re all supposed to remember how thankful we are for friendship and each other!”

Much of the group let out groans.

Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes at Fluttershy. “Fluttershy, that was so cheesy that I think the rats that live in Adagio’s hair almost came out to eat!”

“Hey!” Adagio protested.

“Hah!” Aria snorted.

With a glare on her face, Adagio marched up to where Trixie held Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. Reaching into her hair with her left hand, she leaned down and suddenly thrust a healthy collection of curls onto Rainbow Dash’s face. Rainbow Dash began to choke and sputter as she flailed feebly in Trixie’s grasp to push Adagio away.

Applejack and Aria began to chuckle to themselves.

Meanwhile, Adagio leaned down towards Fluttershy. “You know you’re much cuter when you squeak than when you speak,” she said as she stroked Fluttershy’s face.

“Eep…” Fluttershy said quietly.

“You see, just like that!”

Suddenly, Trixie’s eyes honed in on Adagio and she attempted to grab at her using the same hand she held Fluttershy with. Adagio reared back in surprise, releasing Rainbow Dash as took a few steps back.

Rainbow Dash took in a big gulp of air as Trixie’s arm cocked back in place around Fluttershy.

Adagio grinned at Trixie. “Jealous, are we? Don’t worry… Maybe you and I can share the shy one here later tonight…”

Trixie blushed slightly and turned away from Adagio. “Trixie finds your proposal acceptable…” she said quietly.

“Oh my…” Fluttershy uttered.

“Trixie is going to closer her eyes and hope the feeling of soft, warm bodies distracts her from the horrors she’s seen now…” Trixie said as she closed her eyes and sank back into the loveseat, her grip still strongly maintained on Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.

“Oh, come on!” Rainbow Dash cried as Trixie’s arm refused to give. “You can’t be this strong!”

Adagio shook her head. “It’s probably some sort of primal fear of death going through her brain and body at the moment,” she mused. “Trixie and Aria likely have absurd amounts of adrenaline going through their muscles.”

“Ugh, WHATEVER!” Rainbow Dash shouted. She turned past Adagio to stare accusingly at the other people in the room. “Why didn’t any of you help me when Adagio was trying to kill me with her hair?”

“Don’t look at me,” Aria said. “I thought it was funny!”

“Ah’m still trapped by Aria,” Applejack said. “Also, it was kinda funny.”

“I’m still saAaAaAaAad!” Rarity said.

Aria turned towards Rarity, pursed her lips slightly, and pat her on the head a couple times.

Sunset shrugged. “Gonna go with ‘it was kinda funny’, here.”

Rainbow Dash glared at Sunset then turned to Twilight.

“Honestly? Still a bit overwhelmed about everything that’s been going on since we arrived at the house,” Twilight said.

Rainbow Dash huffed out a sigh.

“Hey, it is her first time being in the Dazzlings’ home,” Sunset pointed out. “She’s not used to this level of insanity yet.”

Rainbow Dash put a hand on Trixie’s face and pushed hard, receiving an irritated growl for her trouble. “Just because it’s weird doesn’t mean I have to just sit here and take this!” Rainbow Dash said.

Fluttershy shifted her body so she was partially laying on the loveseat and using Trixie’s right breast as a pillow. “You know, it’s not so bad if you stop fighting it… Kind of like a Chinese finger trap.”

“But it’s Trixie!” Rainbow Dash cried as she tried to pry the arm off her neck once more. “She smells like peanut-butter and failure—GAKKK!” Trixie’s grip on Rainbow Dash had suddenly tightened.

Concern having cranked things from an ‘8’ to an ‘11’ on their faces, Sunset and Twilight rushed to help Rainbow Dash.

“Now, now,” Fluttershy said gently to Trixie as Sunset and Twilight tried in vain to loosen the arm, “I’m sure Rainbow Dash is just being grumpy because she’s hungry. She probably didn’t mean it.”

To the relief of Sunset and Twilight and the much greater relief of Rainbow Dash, Trixie’s grip loosened and Rainbow Dash was able to breathe normally again. Her hands still on Trixie’s arm, she took a few breaths and shot Fluttershy an annoyed glare. “Hungry? I already had Thanksgiving, we all did, so when I say Trixie smells like failure—” Trixie’s arm began to tighten.

Rainbow Dash glanced down at the arm in concern and tried pushing against it again. “How many times am I going to be concerned over asphyxiation tonight?!”

Adagio leered suggestively at Rainbow Dash and leaned down. “That depends. How do you feel about full leather body suits and gags?”

Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes at Adagio. “Could you stop it for… just like a few seconds?”

Adagio tapped a finger against her cheek. “You know… I don’t think I can.”

Rainbow Dash felt the arm around her neck tighten further.

“Ah!” she cried as she glanced up towards Trixie in a panic. “When-I-said-you-smelled-like-failure-it’s-because-I’m-just-so-jelly-over-how-awesome-it-is-to-smell-like-peanut-butter-all-the-time!”

Trixie’s arm loosened slightly and Rainbow Dash’s eyes went wide as she took in a deep breath.

Sunset smirked to herself. Hehe… Peanut-butter and jelly… Wait a minute… Sunset frowned heavily as she looked over the room. “Where’s Pinkie? Or Flash, for that matter.”

“I’m in here!” Flash called.

The girls looked in the direction of Flash’s voice, another entryway on the other side of the living room from where Adagio, Sunset, and Twilight had come in.

“Ooo careful, lover boy,” Adagio said. “That’s the breakfast nook, you’re just a sliding door away from the kitchen.” Adagio shook her head. “You do not want to go in there…”

“Is Pinkie Pie with you?” Sunset called out.

“… She was,” Flash replied.

Adagio, Sunset, and Twilight all exchanged glances as panic gripped their faces. They dashed for the breakfast nook.

The other girls watched the trio leave, none of them shifting from the spots they currently found themselves in.

“You know what?” Rainbow Dash said as she shifted on the loveseat and made herself comfortable against Trixie. “Maybe you’re onto something, Fluttershy.”

“See!” Fluttershy said. “All you have to do is sit back and remember to give thanks for everyone in our lives, even the people we don’t always get along with.”

“Yeah, but seriously though,” Rainbow Dash said as she leaned her head backwards to look at Fluttershy. “Shut up.”

End Part 3

The​ ​Dazzlings​ ​Do​ ​Thanksgiving: Blood​ ​Red​ ​Cranberry​ ​Sauce

Sunset Shimmer burst into the dining room, a series of questions erupting from her mouth. “What happened?! Where’s Pinkie?!” Sunset’s eyelids plummeted into a half-open state as her face contorted into a sour expression. “And why are her clothes all over the place?”

Red-faced, Flash Sentry looked about the modestly sized breakfast nook with its high set black table and matching chairs. Pinkie’s shirt, skirt, socks, and even her panties and bra had been strewn about, her boots left by the wooden sliding door that led to the kitchen. “I, uh…”

Flash was interrupted as Adagio Dazzle and Twilight Sparkle walked in. Adagio took in the room with a look of faux disappointment. “Awww… You got started without me!” she bemoaned.

Twilight just looked at the clothes with a blank expression before her eyes settled on Flash.

Flash cringed as he met Twilight’s gaze. He threw up his hands in front of him. “It’s not what it looks like!” he exclaimed in a near panicked tone.

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Flash, I don’t think Twilight cares if you had sex with Pinkie.”

“But I didn’t!” Flash insisted. “I mean… Why would you even think that?!”

Sunset looked at the strewn about clothes, then back up to Flash. “Okay, while you are painfully awkward at initiating just about any attempt at romance with a girl—”

Flash furrowed his brow, raised an index finger, and opened his mouth as if to protest.

Sunset folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the wall. “Oh search your feelings. You know it to be true.”

Flash lowered his finger and sighed. “Yeaaaaah…”

Adagio sauntered up to Flash and wrapped her left arm around his shoulders. “Confidence problem, huh?” She pivoted to stand in front of Flash and began to stroke his left cheek with her right hand. “I can help there…”

“Uhhh…” Flash looked over at Sunset with an expression that seemed to be asking what he should do.

Sunset simply continued, “What are we supposed to think with Pinkie’s clothes thrown all over the place?”

Flash replied, “Well, why would we… ummm, er—”

“Do the horizontal mambo?” Adagio offered. “The old in-and-out? Attack the pink fortress?”

“—right, that… Right here in the room next to everyone while I still have my clothes on?”

“She has an exhibition fetish,” Adagio suggested rapidly. “You have an exhibition fetish but don’t like people seeing you naked.”

Sunset and Twilight simultaneously scrunched their brows as confused, ponderous expressions came over them.

Twilight began to speak. “I don’t think that logically fol—”

Adagio sniffed at the air which was swimming with the scents of a delicious dinner in the making. “One or both of you are olfactophiliacs.”

Flash raised an eyebrow. “What’s an olfactophiliac?”

Sunset and Twilight simultaneously raised their right index fingers and opened their mouths to speak, “Someone who’s sexually aroused by smells.” The two girls paused then turned to look at each other.

Grinning, Adagio released Flash and slithered up to Twilight. “My, my, the little book mouse has a kinky side to her.”

Twilight recoiled slightly and once again took to hiding behind Sunset. “No I don’t!” she insisted.

Adagio’s grin widened. “Then how did you know that?”

Sunset raised an eyebrow and looked behind her. “How did you know that?”

Twilight’s nose wrinkled, then the wrinkles carried all the way to her forehead. “How did you know that?”

Sunset narrowed her eyes. “I asked you first.”

“So? I don’t see how that necessitates that I answer first! Why, if we use stack logic, the last command should be the first one executed.”

Sunset smirked. “Stack logic?! Who uses stack logic? Questioning works in a queue! First in, first out!”

Flash and Adagio’s eyes began to dart back in forth between the two girls.

Twilight’s eyelids dropped and she threw her hands in the air. “Well no one uses queues either! Now, if we treated this like an array…”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Well, how do you propose we choose when any value out of an array is fair game? A random number generator?!”

“Well, I—”

“Girls,” Adagio began gently, “somehow watching you two brainboxes argue is more aggravating than watching Aria and Sonata go at it, so please knock it off our I will cut you.” Adagio ended her sentence with gritted teeth and angry-looking eyes that seemed to confirm she would make good on her threat if pushed.

Sunset and Twilight’s eyes widened and Twilight slowly retook her position behind Sunset’s red-and-yellow hair as she kept her fright-filled gaze on Adagio.

Sunset refocused her attention on Flash. “Okay, well suppose I believe you.”

Flash narrowed his eyes. “‘Suppose’?” he said in an annoyed tone.

“Normally I wouldn’t question this situation, but between Pinkie’s… Pinkieness and Adagio riling you up, I’m not ruling anything out.” Sunset gave Flash a knowing, irritated look. “I know how your hands can go all—” Sunset raised her hands in front of her and waggled her fingers “—tentacle when the mood strikes.”

“Really, Sunset? Really?!” Flash sneered. “You’re accusing me of this, now?!”

“Oh, don’t start this with me, Flash Sentry!” Sunset retorted, as the anger crept in to replace the annoyance in her voice. “I of all women—”

“Seriously!” Adagio cried. “Stop it, right now,all of you!” Adagio looked over the people in the room. “I own swords and they’ve tasted blood before.” Her eyes narrowed and she gave everyone a menacing look. “I won’t hesitate to use them.”

Sunset and Flash paused.

Twilight slowly positioned herself out of sight behind Sunset.

“You have swords?” Sunset asked in interest. “That you’ve used? Wait… Have you three really been on earth for over a millennium?!”

“Damnit, Sunset!” Adagio exclaimed. She grabbed onto Sunset’s shoulders, shook her a couple times. “Focus!” she said as she slapped Sunset across the face, followed his up with a light back-hand, then leaned forward and placed her lips over Sunset’s.

Sunset’s eyes went wide and she broke the kiss… by planting her right fist into Adagio’s face with a ‘POW!’

“Ow!” Adagio exclaimed as she recoiled. She rubbed her jaw. “Worth it!”

Sunset groaned and brought a hand up to her face. “Flash… Just… where’s Pinkie?”

“Uh…” Flash pointed to the sliding door that separated the breakfast nook from the kitchen. “In there.”

Sunset and Twilight cringed as both remembered the catatonic state the kitchen had rendered Aria and Trixie into.

Adagio nodded slowly. “I was afraid you’d say that… Welp… Guess we’re having a wake at the same time we celebrate Thanksgiving.”

Twilight let out a horrified gasp as Sunset and Flash stared at Adagio in disbelief.

“That’s not funny, Adagio!” Sunset roared.

“I didn’t say it was, but there’s no way sweet, if bonkers, Pinkie Pie is just in there whipping up cream and making cranberry sauce.” Adagio shook her head. “I’m just amazed we didn’t hear a bloodcurdling scream from her.” Adagio tapped her cheek thoughtfully. “Though with Pinkie, I’d be willing to entertain it was just so high-pitched only animals could hear it…”

“Well, there was a sound,” Flash said.

All eyes turned to him.

“Yeah… sort of sounded like… Like all the air being let out of a balloon…”

“Huh…” Adagio uttered.

Sunset’s pupils began to sink into the turquoise sea of her eyes. “No…” she murmured.

“Uh… What’s wrong?” Twilight asked. “I mean… besides the obvious.”

Sunset grimaced and began to scratch at her forehead, digging her nails hard against her skin. “That sound with Pinkie means all her curls have deflated.”

Flash and Twilight looked at Sunset in confusion.

Adagio went cross-eyed. “Sunset, to quote you… ‘Okay…. Just… what?’”

Sunset glanced sideways at Adagio. “Pinkie’s hair goes straight when she’s… really, really unhappy.”

“Uh, alright...” Adagio replied. “Well, I know the girl is something of a basket case of sunshine and marshmallows mixed in a blender, but I don’t see what being sad—”

“The last time this happened was when Pinkie heard Sesame Street was moving to HBO.”

Adagio stared at Sunset blankly. “… Sooooooo…?”

“And her family doesn’t have HBO.”

Adagio just looked at Sunset in confusion. “What, are they Amish or something?”

“What? No! I mean… Kind of…” Sunset shook her head. “Wasn’t Sonata upset when they moved channels?”

“No, Sunset!” Adagio cried, throwing her hands up in the air. “We have HBO! God! We’re not savages, you know!”

A loud, wet ‘THUMP’ sounded out from the wooden sliding door of the kitchen causing everyone in the breakfast nook to jump slightly. Adagio slowly turned her head to look at the door. “… Most of the time, at least…”

Sunset threw her hands up on either side of her head. “Well, it was bad. Pinkie ‘borrowed’ a bunch of animals from Fluttershy. You would not believe how much birdseed she force-fed this one yellow canary. She covered a raccoon in slime and grime, found an old metal garbage can to put it in, and wouldn’t stop trying to cheer it up because it was ‘grouchy’. And…” Sunset trailed off and shivered slightly. “It took us forever to clean the blood off this one guinea pig she kept tickling.”

Adagio pursed her lips and stared up towards the center of her forehead. “The bird I understand, but those other two are monsters, not animals.”

“… And this matters, why?” Sunset asked.

Adagio fixed Sunset with a glare. “You don’t share a house with Sonata without picking up a lot of information on children’s programming.” She placed a hand on Sunset’s shoulders. “Also, your friend is dead and I’m very sorry for your loss, but you’re going to have to wait to recover her corpse.”

Sunset swatted Adagio’s hand away. “Oh, like fun she’s dead. I’m going in after her,” she said stepping past Adagio. She suddenly felt a vice like grip on her left wrist and turned to see Adagio holding it tightly with both hands, staring at Sunset with a terrified, pleading look.

“Sweet baby Christ riding a rocket manger to Mars, Sunset. You can’t be serious.”

“Let go, Adagio! Pinkie’s alive!”

“You can’t know that!”

Sunset looked at Flash. “Did Pinkie randomly decide to get naked before going in the kitchen?”

Flash shook her head. “After I heard the sound, I felt something cover my face. I pulled it off to see that it was Pinkie’s shirt, that the rest of her clothes were all over the place, and she had slid the door behind her.”

Sunset turned back to Adagio. “See? So unless you’re suggesting Sonata took off all of Pinkie’s clothes and threw them in here before Flash could get a shirt off his face, she must have been coherent enough to undress herself.”

“Okay,” Adagio said as she looked at Sunset blankly. “So rather than die from sheer terror, Pinkie slipped into some deep pit of despair then decided she should get nude.” Adagio closed her eyes then opened them again. “That is much worse. And let’s all keep in mind I’m suggesting the act of undressing is a bad thing.”

Sunset looked back at Adagio with a determined look. “Let go, Adagio.”

“Sunset, this is for you own sanity,” Adagio said. “You do not want to do this.”

“Adagio,” Flash said, “I know that look on Sunset. I think you better let go.”

Twilight clasped her fingers tightly in her hands then pressed them together in front of her chin. She glanced trepidatiously between Sunset and Adagio.

“Lover boy,” Adagio said to Flash, “If you care about Sunset and her smoking hot body, you better help meeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEK!” Before Adagio could react, Sunset turned and wrapped her arms around her torso and before Adagio knew what hit her, she was upside-down, her head hitting the ground with a soft ‘pomf’ as her thick mane of curls cushioned what could have been a rather nasty impact with the floor.

Twilight and Flash looked on in surprise and alarm as Sunset righted herself from the German suplex she had just delivered and Adagio collapsed into a heap.

Without looking back, Sunset placed a hand on the metal indent of the sliding door. “I’m going,” she said without looking back. Sunset quickly slid open the door, stepped into the dimly-lit kitchen, then slid it behind her.

As a wave of pleasant aromas cascaded into them, Flash and Twilight recovered from their surprise and ran up to Adagio. They leaned down to help her up.

“Are you okay?!” Twilight asked as she and Flash each grabbed one of Adagio’s arms.

Adagio stared at the door in shook. “I’ve never been simultaneously this terrified and turned on in my life…”

“AAAAAAAAAHHAAAAHHAAAAHHAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!”A primal, horrified scream sounded out from the other side of the door.

“More terrified than turned on!” Adagio cried as she clutched tightly to Flash and Twilight, pulling them to the floor. “Much more terrified than turned on!”

Flash and Twilight exchanged glances.

“Shirts over our heads?” Flash said.

Twilight nodded. “It’s the only way…”

Adagio grasped onto Flash and Twilight all the tighter. “No! You can’t! I got lucky last time, but you two don’t—”

The sliding door suddenly flew open as Sunset stepped out and quickly shut it behind her. She threw herself into the heap of Adagio, Flash, and Twilight and buried her face in Adagio’s chest as she seemly tried desperately to hold onto as much of all three other people as possible.

Flash and Twilight let out sighs of relief.

“Sunset!” Adagio said happily. “You made it out! I was going to go in and save you.” She tightened her brow and pursed her lips. “Your friends here are useless cowards.”

Flash and Twilight grunted in annoyance.

Sunset looked up at the other three. “It was… it was… awesome and terrible all at the same time! Like… Like staring up at the face of God as he has Cthulhu in a chokehold!”

“Oh, hey! Coherent sentences!” Adagio said. “You did well for a first time.”

“Are you okay?” Flash asked.

“Did you not just hear the words that came out of my mouth?!” Sunset snapped. “No! I am pretty frickin’ far from okay!” Sunset shouted as she simultaneously attempted to pull everyone closer to herself.

“Erm, did you see Pinkie?” Twilight asked.

Sunset’s eyes glazed over. “Yes… She’s… alive… Let’s just leave it at—”

‘Slllliiiiide.’

The group collectively recoiled and scooted back as the door slid open then shut. Holding a long, sharp knife, Sonata stood before them, naked as a newborn baby and covered in just as much sticky, reddish fluid.

“Kn-knife…” Flash uttered fearfully.

Sunset buried her head again as the group stared up at Sonata, Twilight and Flash’s mouths hanging agape.

Sonata giggled mirthfully. “For realzies, guys! Dinner's almost ready! You all just have to be patient.”

Flash and Twilight froze in place. Not sure how to react or what to say or even if there was a such thing as an appropriate reaction to the situation they found themselves in.

“Hi, Sonata,” Adagio said simply. She smiled. “The smells coming from the kitchen are spectacular.”

“I know, right!” Sonata said. Her childlike grin suddenly took on a sinister look. “This Rôti Sans Pareil is going to make the previous year’s turduckens look like child’s play.”

Twilight regained her wits enough to wrinkle her brow slightly. “What’s a Rôti Sans Pareil?”

The door quickly slid open again and Pinkie stepped out of the kitchen, closing the door behind her as she held a large wooden mallet that was splattered with some orange, viscous substance. Her hair was straight and dotted with orange splotches and gooey white clumps. Her naked body was covered in white swaths of whipped cream and crimson streaks of cranberry sauce, and her eyes focused onto the group the same way a predator’s might onto prey before it pounced. “It’s a bustard stuffed with a turkey stuffed with a goose stuffed with a pheasant stuffed with a chicken stuffed with a duck stuffed with a guinea fowl stuffed with a teal stuffed with a woodcock stuffed with a partridge stuffed with a plover stuffed with a lapwing stuffed with a quail stuffed with a thrush stuffed with a lark stuffed with an ortolan bunting stuffed with a garden warbler stuffed with an olive stuffed with an anchovy stuffed with a single caper with layers of chestnuts, meat, and stuffing between each bird, and sitting in a bath of onion, clove, carrots, chopped ham, celery, thyme, parsley, mignonette, salted pork fat, salt, pepper, coriander, garlic, and other spices!”

“I feel slightly better,” Sunset uttered, her voice slightly muffled. “Still not looking.”

Adagio nodded. “Sounds like you two are having a lot of fun in there.”

Pinkie’s entire face twitched as she ground her teeth together. “Yes, fun!” she said in an eerie, chipper tone.

Sonata’s face lit up. “Pinkie’s actually stuck around to help me and we’re getting sooo much done! She’s helping me with the candied yams!”

Pinkie’s face tilted as she gave the group a toothy, crescent smile. “There were survivors!”

“Next Pinkie is going to help me drown green beans in a vat of mushroom blood!” Sonata said cheerfully, punctuating her sentence with a “Teehee!”

Flash and Twilight exchanged fright-filled glances and slowly increased their grips on Adagio and Sunset.

“Looking forward to it,” Adagio said with a slight nod. “It really sounds like this will be the best Thanksgiving ever.”

A giggle rolled out of Pinkie like oil spilling from a cut pipeline. “Only until the next Thanksgiving…”

Sonata’s grin widened, becoming even more dark and dagger-like. “And then the one after that.”

“And the one after that,” Pinkie added.

“And then the one after that.”

“Then one after that times a thousand!”

“The one after that times a million!”

“The one after that times infinity!”

“The one after that times infinity plus 1!”

Pinkie and Sonata exchanged delighted, deliriously happy grins as they erupted into giggles that chilled the other occupants in the room. Despite the pure, unadulterated terror Adagio felt, she could help but grin as she felt all the hands holding onto her grasp that much tighter.

Still laughing, the girls turned, exposing posteriors just as caked in miscellaneous fluids and foodstuff as the rest of them. Sonata opened the sliding door to the kitchen, and the girls disappearing back into the dim maelstrom of hazy heat and delicious smells.

For a while, all was quiet within the breakfast nook.

After what felt like an eternity, Sunset spoke, her voice barely a murmur. “I’m not sure what just happened, but somehow I’m really excited and simultaneously paralyzed with a crippling existential crisis.”

Adagio looked down at the mass of red-and-yellow hair just under her chin. “Sunset, you’re very vulnerable right now. You need to come up to my room and get naked right away.”

Flash and Twilight turned towards Adagio, not with looks of anger, but more with looks of disbelief, yet perhaps just a touch of admiration at Adagio’s ability to keep herself focused on her goals.

There was a lengthy pause from Sunset that ended with a small “… Yes, please.”

“HAH! SCORE!” Adagio said as she rose to her feet, cradling Sunset in her arms.

Flash and Twilight rose to their feet as well.

“Uh, okay…” Flash said. “Erm, What should we-WHA!”

Flash was cut off as Sunset’s arm suddenly reached out for him and firmly grasped his arm.

Twilight opened her mouth to speak, but before she could say anything, Adagio similarly reached out for her, and grabbed ahold of her right arm. “I… uh… alright…” Twilight uttered as Adagio dragged her along.

Adagio smiled widely to herself as she led the procession of people out of the breakfast nook. “Best Thanksgiving Ever…” she purred.

End Part 4

The Dazzlings Do Thanksgiving Part 5: And Several Slices of Pie

Sonata sat at a large wooden table with her eyes closed and her hands pressed flat together with her index fingers touching her lips. She wore nothing but a smile, unless of course one counted the near-unidentifiable food smears of various colors that splattered and striped her body.

“Oh, tiny baby Christ who travels the cosmos in his rocket manger who, since a long, long time ago, has been spreading salvation and the joy of Santa Claus through this galaxy and even ones far away, please cast your holy spells of purification, protection, and deliciousness on this meal.”

In front of her was an inordinate amount of pies set amongst a massive feast of Thanksgiving favorites that covered the table around a huge silver platter piled high with steaming, layered meats separated by stuffing sitting in the table center. Heat still radiated from the dishes on the table as scents of freshly cooked, expertly spiced, food and filled the room even more so than the spread filled the table’s surface, barely leaving room for everyone’s plates, silverware, and glasses as the group sat at the table in respectful silence.

“Thank you for continuing to watch over all the children on the nice list.” Sonata’s eyes opened slightly as she put on a concerned expression. “And thanks for taking pity on those of us still trying to get off the naughty list and not sending the Krampus after us,” Sonata punctuated her sentence by swallowing and took a quick glance at Adagio, who sat across from the table and also Aria, who was setting to Sonata’s right.

“And please defend us from demogorgons, terminators, and Grindelwald.”

Next to Sonata was Pinkie, her smile back and her hair returned to its normal, happily curled mass, but her clothing as absent as Sonata’s and her pink skin likewise covered with food splatters. She held her eyes tightly closed as she also had her hands pressed together in a sign of supplication.

“Also please make sure we live, long, happy lives full of candy, presents, and ‘Teen Titan Go!’ marathons.”

Aria chimed in, “And make sure the next season of ‘Dark Matter’ comes out soon.”

Adagio was quick to tack on her own addendum, “And in the next season of The Bachelor, have two or more of the bachelorettes go at it… like really go out at it. We’re talking a total catfight that ends in at least one ambulance showing up.”

Looking far more lucid than she did before leaving the breakfast nook, but with hair a bit more tousled and clothing slightly more wrinkled, Sunset Shimmer muttered an audible, “And that’s why you’re on the naughty list,” from Adagio’s right.

From across the table, Pinkie swung her bare foot into Sunset’s shin.

“Ow!” Sunset exclaimed. “Hey! I’m saving the school and maybe the planet on a regular basis!”

Pinkie opened her eyes into a small glare directed at Sunset. “Shhhhhhhh!”

Sunset shot Pinkie a short dirty look before closing her eyes. A look that paled in filthiness to the look Trixie was giving to Sunset, Flash Sentry, who was sitting between Sunset and Adagio in a similar state of dishevelment but with an expression of deep contentment on his face, and also Twilight Sparkle, who sat to Sunset’s left with a slightly preoccupied countenance that seemed to say, ‘Well, that happened.’

With the rest of the table occupants doing their best to maintain solemn expressions in the face of Sonata’s odd prayer, Sonata continued, “Finally, when we inevitably die, be it from meat dragon, blood vortex, or a thing made out of nerves that shocks people and eats their skin, please allow us to ride eternal shiny and chrome into your everlasting kingdom.”

Everyone let out a soft, “Amen.” This was immediately followed by Aria and Sunset taking fork and knife in hand and diving towards the center of the table to ravenously slice off massive hunks of meat and take them back to their plates. This act elected a pair of giggles from Pinkie and Sonata.

“Now everyone make sure to save room for pie,” Pinkie said, looking about the table. She narrowed her eyes slightly as her tone turned vaguely threatening. “You all make sure to save room for pie!”

Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity all gave Pinkie Pie a weary glance as the other members of the table began to help themselves to the massive feast in front of them, Aria and Sunset already letting out ecstatic, giddy moans as they enjoyed slices of their massive piles of meat.

Applejack cast a wary eye over Adagio, Sunset, Flash, and Twilight. “So, erm… are we going to talk about the elephant in the room or—”

“There wasn’t an elephant!” Pinkie shot back.

“This year,” Sonata said with a small, dark grin.

Fluttershy let out a distressed whimper as she buttered a steaming hot roll.

“Seriously! So adorable!” Adagio exclaimed.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,” Flash replied. “We’re the elephant and not...?” He let a nod towards the quite nude Sonata and Pinkie finish his sentence.

Applejack frowned heavily. “Ah don’t think anyone wants to know what happened there…”

Trixie took a bite of green bean casserole, then let out a satisfied hum before speaking, “No, you really don’t.”

“Yeah,” Aria agreed, “no good is gonna come from getting details there.”

Sunset took another bite of her meat and put on a satisfied smile. “But whatever the reason for doing all the unspeakable things you two did, totally worth it.”

“Oh, certainly,” Trixie agreed.

“Totes,” Aria added.

“Applejack, dear?” Rarity said. “You should leave it alone. Poor Twilight is clearly still processing everything that happened.”

“I am,” Twilight said, nodding in agreement before looking down at her plate, “but whatever happened, these mashed potatoes and gravy are making everything seem a lot better.”

Applejack sighed heavily. “Are we really not going to talk about what happened?”

Rarity took a small piece of meat from her plate and dabbed it against a modest pile of cranberry sauce. “Not exactly polite table conversation, darling.”

“Pffft, who cares?!” Rainbow Dash said. “So they had some pre-meal fourway! So what? Not like they’re the only ones getting laid!”

Applejack turned to her left and narrowed her eyes at Rainbow Dash. “Rainbow, Ah didn’t really ask for yer—”

“That Lyra girl?” Rainbow Dash continued, pointing at Applejack worth a fork. “Totally into me, and I mean into me, since I started to pony-up when I play the guitar and stuff.”

“Ah,” Rarity said as tapped at her chin thoughtfully. “That explains why Bon-Bon has shown an interest in my Canterlot High pony ears…”

Applejack groaned. “Forget Ah said anything.”

With a clatter of silverware and a dab of a napkin on either side of her lips, Adagio stood up. “Well, that was a good first plate.”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “First plate?”

Adagio nodded. “I find it’s good to pace oneself with one of Sonata’s feasts so the pleasure can be drawn out for as long as possible,” she purred.

Applejack let out a heavy sigh. “Is everything—”

“Yes. Yes it is,” Adagio interrupted. “Trixie, grab the shy one and meet me upstairs in 10 seconds.” With that, Adagio exited the dining room.

There was a slight pause at the table followed by Trixie quickly taking a few more bites of her food, taking a napkin to her mouth, and standing up. She quickly grabbed Fluttershy who responded with an “Oh my,” as she allowed Trixie to escort her out.

Everyone at the table looked up and watched as Trixie and Fluttershy departed, then soon went back to the food on their plates. The only exception being Rainbow Dash and Applejack whose gaze remained on the dining room entryway.

Applejack scratched the back of her head. “… Uh… Is it a good idea to just let Trixie abscond with Fluttershy like that?”

“You’re right, A.J.!” Rainbow Dash explained as she stood up. “Someone should totally check up on them and make sure Fluttershy is okay and totally not being forced to do anything totally sexy...uh weird...I mean totally weird up there.”

“It’s usually both with Adagio,” quipped Sonata.

“Rainbow Dash,” Sunset said, “if you want to join in the crazy Thanksgiving orgy, just go.”

Her poker face beginning to crack, Rainbow Dash drummed her fingers against the table once “… Yeah, see ya!” she said happily as she dashed out of the room.

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Really?”

“Applejack, dearie?” Rarity said. “You really do need to get laid.”

Pinkie Pie let out a naughty giggle as Applejack began to cough and sputter. “Ex… excuse me?!” Applejack cried.

“Dibs!” Aria called out.

“… What?” Applejack said.

Aria stood up. “I just called 'dibs’ on your vagina.” She looked over at Flash. “Yo, Flash dude, you in or what?”

Flash’s eyes went wide as he glanced upwards and mouthed a quick ‘Thank you’ before he looked back down at Aria. “I think I soon will be,” he said with a wry grin.

“That’s the spirit,” Aria said with a nod. “Hey, Rarity. My bed isn’t as big as Dagi’s, but—”

“Say no more,” Rarity said as she gently dabbed her lips with a napkin and set it down next to her plate.

Aria and Flash made a quick exit as Rarity stood up.

“What?!” Applejack cried. “You all can’t be seri—”

Rarity reached down, grabbed Applejack’s hand, and gently raised her up. “Applejack, dear? Don’t be such a prude.”

“I… uh… okay…”

Hand and hand, Rarity and Applejack walked out of the room.

Twilight watched as they left. “Did… did that all really just happen? I mean, most of us have been together in multiple sleep overs, and none of them resulted in—” Twilight motioned towards where everyone had departed the room “—that.”

Without taking her eyes off her plate, Sunset replied, “I call it the Adagio Dazzle effect.”

Twilight looked up into empty air for a second. “You know… that's probably worth studying…”

Sunset’s lips pulled up slightly into a sardonic smile. “I’m sure Adagio will be more than willing to participate in an experiment or two.”

Chiming in out of nowhere, Sonata stood up and announced, “And God bless us, everyone!”

Sunset furrowed her brow slightly at Sonata. “You know it’s Thanksgiving and not Christmas, right?”

Pinkie chuckled knowingly. “Is it though?” She looked out directly in front of her and winked.

Sunset paused, pursing her lips slightly. “Are you coming onto me?”

“... I am now!” Pinkie announced with a grin.

An expectant smile marched across Sonata’s face as she leaned over and wrapped her arm’s around one of Pinkie’s.

Sunset gave both girls a critical stare as she seemingly carefully considered her situation. “Alright, but wash all that stuff off of you.”

“No, leave it.”

All eyes turned towards Twilight.

Twilight met the inquisitive sets of eyes with a blush. “You know… for science.”

Still looking at Twilight, Sunset stood up and shrugged. “For science.”

With a pair of giggles, an unsure, but curious smile, and finally an eyeroll set above a happy grin, the last four occupants of the dining room filed out.

The End