Author's Notes:

Number of Edits: 5
Number of OC: 2
Metal Will By: Hekkar
Displaced: Iron Lich Asphyxious (first yay! be sure to read the end for the seventh chapter ^..^ Also do note he'll be in for half the next chapter here should prove nice to read)

Winter Bites and The Iron Lich

The Crystal Empire – Western Watch Tower –ten minutes ago

*3rd Pony Perspective*

A crystal stallion stands alone while looking up at the sky. He is oddly tall for a pony, standing five feet, six-and-a-half inches from hoof to ear. As he holds his vigil, five projectiles from the sky fall within his range of vision. His coat of yellow-beige color bristles, and with a shake of his shaggy mane, he is moving to the nearest one. The pony is swift, his gate of a young stallion, despite what the salt and pepper color of his mane might suggest. Snow is kicked up as his tail trails behind him, much like his mane in color but far longer compared to the oddly short crop on his head. The dust and snow from the impact gets thicker as he approaches, his golden yellow eyes squinting to make out the point of impact. Slowing down, he moves his arm to his face, coughing lightly into it through his small, charcoal grey beard.

His attire consists of a black and yellow vest, a dull grey t-shirt and dark grey pants. Not the fanciest of cloths, but they serve the purpose of protecting his semi-muscular body. If his cutie mark was exposed, it would be a metal panel with what looks like a gun on it. Both of his legs and left arm look to have been replaced with cybernetics, the yellow and black color scheme clear. As he approaches the large container, he spares a moment to think of the still bound and knocked out guards at the gate. Shaking his head at the lax nature of the Crystal Guard, he leans against the Moon-shot container before activating his Echo. “Faust, reporting that targeting was off course by at least two miles due west. Whoever took that shot needs to have their targeting skills checked…or have someone check the launch mechanism, something was off. What are Jack’s orders?”

There was a static response before the silk A.I. voice of F.A.U.S.T. came in. The pony felt a slight shiver from how she spoke of Jack, or from the cold, some days he wasn’t sure. “In the likely chance that Our leader hath been delayed, thine orders are to first retake his estate. From there, thou shalt reset the location’s connection to the Fast Travel Network. Once this is secured, re-engage the gate systems and security to defend the property. Once completed, allow us remote access to thine cybernetic eye to monitor thine progress. Finally, once thou hast done all of this, attempt to secure the grounds where the Crystal Heart is located, thou art authorized to use any means necessary short of lethal force. There shall be NO RESISTANCE for Handsome Jack, understood?”

Taking a moment, the pony leaps onto the crate, opening it up to show two Surveyor Drones before giving his response. “Understood, I’ll roll out the welcome mat for the boss and report if there is trouble.” Leaping down, he secures a hover bike before speeding back for the city limits. As he moves across the tundra, he remotely sets one of the drone’s rounds to stun. Smirking slightly, he sets the drone’s names and purpose. Wolf shall be the name his attack drone, while the other without the stun rounds will be his healer, Saint. Moving forward, the pony makes his way towards Jack’s Crystal Mansion, and the first big change he’d witnessed since the destruction of Sombra.

It didn’t take long for the cyborg to return to the city, seeing no guard patrols at the border. Rolling his eyes, he rides carefully into the more abandoned districts. With a quick cover for the bike, he swiftly hoofs his way to the Hyperion District, only to come across guards from the Noble House Glory Shimmer. The Hyperion pony can only shake his head, seeing their sloppy meandering on the property only deepening the scowl on his face. Sending Wolf forward, he throws down a Quasar Grenade, causing all the guards in range to be pulled together while being hit with large amounts of shock damage. Lazily, he takes out a purple laser weapon, the name ‘Rosie’ on its side, then taking a few shots, the cryo element freezing many of the guards. Saint, meanwhile, provides him with an opaque shield, offset by Wolf stunning the few Pegasi who tried escaping by air.

He was mildly surprised by how weak they were, even when their opponent gave them a non-lethal ordinance handicap. It seems obvious to him that Equestrians have become rather pathetic since the Empire vanished all those years ago. ‘Maybe,’ the thinks to himself, ‘Jack will fix that so that I can finally find a challenge again.’ A slight tingling feeling from his left cybernetic arm reminds him of the four armed snow beast that took it. ‘A Bullymong was it?’ F.A.U.S.T. had some weird names for some of the creatures she’d pitted him against.

Getting his head back in the game, he leaped down to fuse their bracers together. That would keep them occupied, or at least out of the way, for some time after they regained consciousness. After that was done, he waved his I.D. Badge across the door’s scanner. The small, innocuous lens emitted a small light before the door clicked, allowing access inside. With an easy gate, he entered the open door, only for a barrier to activate when said portal closed behind. Knowing the security protocols, he kept his badge up, at least until the main control hub. In Jack’s office, he looks over at the imposing desk just as the cybernetic eye tingles. He realizes it’s remotely hacking from F.A.U.S.T.’s influence, enabling Helios to reconnect to the manor’s own mainframe.

[Insumo1419’s edit end] ((give the mortal props)) [No new editor currently]

Grunting after the control was released he started to hear F.A.U.S.T.’s voice over the speakers and the activation of the bots outside, along with a few horrified yelps of horror that barely drew a smile. “At least they know how to scream in terror as prisoners, though where would be the gate reset mechanism for my second objective?” an audible beep with that silken voice growled out about something before she responded.

“It would be in the rear end of the property also it seems like the BNK3R’s data for the Empire was on queue to be reconstructed here, at least we know it was not destroyed by idiots.” Seeing his internal map light up with a marked point he moved to the closest window to open it and jump out to reach his destination faster. Seeing no other resistance surprisingly must mean the only action was the front yard, as when he got to the terminal in question did he see a shadow coming onto him forcing him to roll back into a crouched armed position with ‘Fremington’s Edge’ within his grasp pointed at a yellow/orange coat Pegasus Stallion having a blue mane and tail, with a young cocky appearance. “I don’t know who you are or what those things you’ve brought but I am putting you under arrest for assault and imprisonment, if you call off your monsters I’ll go easy on you.”

Metal Will just blinked at what this colt just told him, he simply opened fired forcing the ‘light weight’ to dodge and get some distance for better cover as he carefully smashed the button on the console while using suppressive fire so his now materialized Surveyors will do the job as the gate warms up. “I’ll give you guts for coming up to Challenge Hyperion’s GREATEST WARRIOR, my name is Metal Will and those who go against Jack. WILL END UP FIGHTING ME!” He roared out at the end while reloading his clip seeing Wolf force him out of his original cover to avoid being shot at.

“I may not know who or what this Hyperion is or who this ‘Jack’ is either but it’s my job to arrest those who break the law! This isn’t even your home!” Metal Will just leveled a look at him feeling the urge to muzzle palm, before shooting towards where this guard’s head use to be poking out a mere moment ago. “I KNOW it’s not my home, it’s my BOSS’S home you filly!” That got the moment of confusion as the guard raised his head saying this.

“Wait what?-“ The hit from Wolf’s stun and Metal Will’s cryo setting made short work of the stallion giving him a nod until the reconstructed Hyperion BNK3R bot came to life with a roar of thrusters above the gate, it’s eyes looked in every direction before settling on Metal Will as it started to lift up into the air as he walked over to the frozen Pegasus guard knocking him over onto his back to keep his weapon leveled and ready having switched to incinerate.

“I would have said freeze, it would have been biting into your position. But if you are a good colt I might let you live, as I know you can hear me in there.” Shifting his eyes to see the BNK3R’s gaze shift to the gate with a Constructor being put together only for it to shift to a better patrol position of the compound, soon enough some of the loaders from up front ‘deposit’ the guards from House Glory Shimmer who looked pacified, their horns and usable legs were broken it seems to keep them from running away or possible teleportation.

The Frozen Tundra – Hyperion landing zone – Farther west than intended

*Jack’s Perspective*

Looking around at the night shown tundra I sighed as looking back to my Loaders and Body Doubles as they get the equipment ready to move out as I’d have to cover more than had intended, but at least I came prepared for the infighting with the nobles and if to be believed Metal Will was getting my estate secured as a deployment buildup while I’ll go for the Crystal Heart to try and locate where the crown is in hopes the royal line still had it. ‘Well jack old boy, hopefully this will be one of those rare peaceful walks before the real fun starts.’

The sound of a Missile Emplacement firing off from the north has me duck when it struck one of the containers making a somewhat large round hole in it, that made my eye TWITCH before the sound of barking was heard as a female growling voice came over my echo. “Surrender the stupid one named Jack! We dogs have metal pipes to shoot him with!” They had to be fucking kidding, also how did they get an echo let alone GUNS?!? A lot of beings are going to spend some quality time in Hyperion funeral boxes, some will be worse off than those if my gut is right…

Motioning my hand to the Constructors in the direction that shot came from I heard the unanimous “Arming Missiles” before all Tartarus broke loose, literally gunfire from whoever these fucks were was being aimed at ME!?! “I don’t care what you do, I want whoever’s leading this attack in my possession! NOBODY FUCKS WITH HANDSOME JACK AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!!” Ducking finally as my mouth hung open at seeing them have missile emplacement too, as some of my doubles repair the constructor that was hit.

Equipping the LB1170.G Crimson Invader sniper within my grasp, aiming out into the snow drifts getting a good look at the dumb armored fucking bastards I’ll be putting under only to see organized Diamond Dogs wearing DAHL armor. That fact alone flabbergasted me only to than start pulling the trigger while offhandedly motioning the Loaders forward to break up their little ‘pow wow’ in the most gruesome way possible as I see some brain matter fly from that last headshot it seems.

They just might be enough to comical relief to make me vent my anger out on them, maybe I’ll take one of the dog bitches as a pet or if there is more than one just use them and reeducate them, seems there is only three among that pack there while thinking on it now added the order to capture the females and draw and quarter the males with a smile. “No one shoots at me and lives to tell the tale.” Saying this in almost a whisper squinting my eyes more with a gleam of hate, the eye color shift to purple going unnoticed as I purposely shoot a couple of them first in the crotch with a burst fire while taking moments to reload.

Their howling screams came with their own shots whizzed by me either hitting my shield or a couple of my Loaders while my doubles took to repairing and bolstering support until a glowing blue flame catches my eyes.

*Asphyxious perspective*

I just blinked at the near midnight Frozen Tundra around me, you're kidding me! I was just here like five minutes ago! I also had to find out just who the hell summoned me and had my token? It also looks like my armor turn back to it’s old colors to bad I was liking the new look. The sounds of gunshots drew my attention to a war zone around me and there were Diamond Dogs with guns, I kid you not, they had GUNS and ARMOR! I then saw one be turned into a mincemeat by a Hyperion yellow Loader Bot from borderlands.

Okay so that gives me an idea as to who could of been sent here but not who called me.

I looked around until I saw a group of armored dogs with ‘D.A.H.L.’ stenciled on it, looking at me and one of them had MY token being used as some kind of ornament on his helmet. I just stared at them before they all pulled out their guns and take aim at me, shaking and looking at each other before one spoke up.

"I told you that gem was cursed! Kill it with the big cannon!" One of them yells, I was about to try and talk them down when I saw one of them had a rocket launcher! Taking quick action I set fire to the lot of them, I felt sorry for them really then I took my token off the one who used it as part of their hat and saw he was still alive.

"I-I do-don't want ta.. d-die.." He croaked out from mortal burn wounds as he reaches out to me, I sadly sigh at the poor dog there was nothing I could do for him or I could take his soul. I saw the dog get stepped on a moment later from that thought by a yellow metal ‘foot’ looking up into the Loader bot who then looked at me.

"Target acquired." It said, I then stabbed the thing in the eye with my staff and pulled it’s gun arm off with my free hand causing it to fall onto the ground. I left it there on the floor twitching like a bug struck by lightning then looked at the gun in it’s robot hand if I had lips I'd be smiling mine now. Once I took the gun from the bot hand I then saw a man walking over to me, five of them in fact, that all looked like handsome jack. Fuck this could be bad.

*Handsome Jack’s Perspective*

Having seen the rest of those damned mutts run off into the night, one of my fears was confirmed when picking up a helmet seeing the stenciled ‘D.A.H.L.’ on its side before throwing it onto the ground and pointed at some of my doubles to try and gather what gear these damned mutts had.

Refocusing my attention back onto the strange armored Individual with four of my doppelganger jacks followed close to me, as I walked up carefully in view to whoever or whatever this thing was, the thought of zombie experiments of some quack came to mind as the first words that came out of my mouth COULD have been stated much better for a first impression.

“Please tell me you are not some science experiment by some nut trying to bring back the dead using random bits of tech from a interstellar corporations’ junk pile.” The urge to face palm was nigh if he just simply tries to lunge at me too like those burnt fucks, taking a calming sigh before continuing. “If not than what or who are you? Because knowing my luck there is a-” I Inhale breath for this part. “-SADISTIC BASTARD OUT THERE WATCHING ME RIGHT NOW! I KNOW YOU ARE YOU SICK FUCK!”

It may have been a bit crazy to anyone else but I knew better than to ignore my paranoia when it came to strange shit or ‘coincidences’ from my stone ‘vacation’, you’d be surprised by half the shit that can be gleaned if you focus right. By this point my eyes reverted back from an unnatural purple to ocean blue with my attention soon turned back to him as he seemed to have taken the moment to speak up after my ‘rant’.

"My name is Asphyxious the Iron Lich and if you can call undead being's under the control of a dragon in the void then no I am not a science experiment. Also can I keep these?" He say as he points at the rocket launcher next to the burned bodies and the SMG in one of his hands.

Looking at what he’s holding and mentioned to on the ground I just give him a smile saying this in response while pointing to the Loader Bot he wrecked. “Sure if you are willing to buy them also repay me for damages to my property there by helping me out for a bit as I know mutts like those will regroup after a while, also how did you even get here?” I said pointedly at the now Iron Lich while still keeping some distance due to the same paranoia about the unknown and not just get in huggable range.

The voice throwing off my attention for a moment was F.A.U.S.T. on my Echo with that synthetic silken voice. “Handsome Jack, are thou alright? From thermal readings there was increased activities around thy self, thou shalt had stayed behind while we had the more subtle groundwork laid out. Also there was a temporary rip in our reality that an unknown magical signature appears to be near thou now.” There was concern in her tone as the Hyperion machines almost uniformly looked at Asphyxious that would have unnerved most individuals with the sensation as something older was looking at him through every single robotic eye now.

“Okay, Faust meet my ‘possibly’ new associate ‘Asphyxious the Iron Lich’-“ before he finished a Badass Angelic Guard bot placed a ‘hand’ on Jack’s shoulder defensively with F.A.U.S.T. speaking through it in a neutral tone. “We have identified and made a library listing of the being, our sensors detect Necrotic magics in play that have been recorded used by another individual by name of ‘Sombra’ from the crystal empire, current orbital images shown that there have been now name marked ‘DAHL Dogs’ having been active in this region for at least two decades before the empire’s return which had made them go quiet until now.” She finished the explanation by lastly saying this curtly. “We are named F.A.U.S.T. and readily protect Jack from threats imposed.”

"Wait did you just say sombrero has Necrotic magic, as in necromancy? You know what how about I help you deal with him and that will be my pay for the stuff that good with you jack?” He asks as he put his spear in a holster on his back.

Asphyxious then looks around at the battle field of dead dogs before looking back at me. "You won't mind if I cast a spell do you? It won't take me long. By the way nice to meet you Faust."

Upon hearing him say that the Badass Angelic Guard releases my shoulder looking into its eye before looking back at him. “Well I would shake your hand on it but I would air on the side of caution here and speaking of Sombra what happened to that prideful fucker? Oh and sure you can cast your spell just don’t point that crap at me.” The said Badass Angelic Guard bot looks back with F.A.U.S.T. replying with a calm tone as if it were normal like the weather being spoken about. “Going on current projections his essence has been recollecting in the Crystal Mountains where a possible ‘Billymong’ nesting ground is, current projections shows he will not be a viable threat or attack for two months depending on weather conditions or figurative mental state.” She replied through the synthetic voice.

“...Yeah, first thing I NEED to do is deal with reinstating the Royal Crystal Family to the throne if any of the daughters are alive and in hiding. But if you stick around for that, we’ll be squared off. I'd want to know more about your end, since shit is crazy enough as is.” I said pointing east towards the crystal empire while continuing after getting a thumb’s up from one of my doubles as the constructors sent the materials back. “I’m on my way to kick some traitorous asses, find any possible living royal family and free my imprisoned Crystal Hyperion Branch employees that will be set right. But I suspect our walk won’t be easy by the terrain.” Finishing that off with a look as some details of trenches glint in the night with a few glows and distant yapping.

Asphyxious was in the middle of casting his spell as blue fog rises off of all the dead bodies before he looks at us. "Wait back up did you say you was about to attack the crystal empire? Also daughters? That wasn't in the show, wait a second." He then looks back to his spell as the fog was being drawn into some kind of lanterns hanging on his hips.

"And that’s the last of them. Hey I just want to know some things, number one have you met any other displaced? Number two is what is going on I'm kind of just got here thanks to being summoned here by the dogs who had my token." He pulls out a gem then show it to us it had some kind of drawing on it, that was until the angel bot took it for safe keeping.

Sighing as I waved my hand to get the Constructors to dismantle the moonshot containers while giving explanations on some things. “Alright, the Crystal Empire before some twisted traitorous FUCK took it over. Had a king and three daughters, the eldest Princess Glitter Stone, the middle daughter Crystal Heart and the youngest Dark Jewel. The last news I had heard was the eldest either disappeared, went into hiding or got offed by him, Crystal Heart fled the empire but no one knew where, Dark Heart wasn’t so lucky and ended up being that fucker’s ‘wife’.” Taking a moment he sighs rubbing his nose in some frustration before continuing.

“Long story short two of my former best friends curb stomped him to near oblivion but he took the empire with him, I wanted to try researching on methods of bringing it back but I was refused because some things in my possession made my buddy discord go crazy. We had to turn him to stone but that’s beside the point since those whorse cunts did the same to me when I did the right thing. The last thing as for current events was my Stoney self was extracted when some ‘Lord Tirek’ went to try wrecking the white on white castle, that’s another thing can you believe they renamed my statue Pride?! WAS MY REAL NAME NOT GOOD ENOUGH OR DID SOME ASSHOLE WANT IT THAT?!?” Taking several heated breaths of frustration followed by grunted pain as I rubbed my face the larger Badass Angelic Guard bot injected fluids through a needle into my neck allowing the pain to die down.

Slow dawning horror struck my face as I turned to look at Asphyxious.“What do you fucking mean I am in some show?” My eye was twitching from anger and my body shook slightly even under a calming agent, just goes to show that I had a lot of anger issues. “Let me guess you’re not just referring to yourself when saying ‘Displaced’ are you?” Groaning as I slapped my false face going full face palm, deluxe edition of frustration evident.

I sighed looking to ready myself, try to mentally state my current ‘mission’. ‘Current agenda is to march over there, kick some asses. See what can be done and use The Crystal Heart to locate the Nearest Bloodline in the City State, if successful I’d be able to reinstate my status of Duke and get any of the three or Glitter’s child if alive onto the throne. I know that there are FOUR alicorns, not sure if there are any others but I know they are not even HALF as old as the Royal Sisters are. For all I know those other two could have been their children!’ I seem to just notice anger induced rants often more times brings up my near crippling head trauma each time as yet again that needle goes into my neck.

Asphyxious looks as is his trying to cover his mouth and not laugh if he had one he the bust out laughing, just what the hell was so funny? He then takes a deep breath then looks right at me. "Okay what I'm about to tell you will most likely piss you off even more so take a seat. See all this now cut out all the stuff from the borderlands video games and you get a tv show called My Little Pony. Following me so far? Good." He says as he started to ‘walk’ pacing in front of me.

"You like many other humans went to ever anime con, comic con, gaming con it doesn't matter you was sent to Equestria after buying something from a guy called the merchant. I got this info from Dante so there no telling how much info is missing. Point is you’re not alone and there more than just one Equestria I should know this is the second one I've been to." Asphyxious then stop as he somehow put the smg in hand on to the chain around his waist.

The next few minutes or so of it just me, sitting on a cold rock, both hands against my face with my elbows on my knees. It all felt like another big fucking joke before I raised one hand to the sky giving the finger to the viewer’s perspective in hopes to show enough ‘depth’ of how much I hated the bastard who was looking down at me with glowing creepy purple irises. “Ya know, having to deal with my shit is bad enough. So like a respectable man I’ll ask this first, how in the fuck did you get here and can I do the same thing?”

Lifting my head up now to look him in the face as I felt the similar nostalgia of the ‘are you fucking with me’ coming on before repressing it with another question. “Is my shit worse than yours by any slightest chance? Because I know for a fact that something called ‘The Merchant’ doesn’t exist in Borderlands, unless it was the fucker who kidnapped me long ago. I even remember the thing giving a whole showy ‘introduction’, calling itself something else.” Having completely ignored the Iron Lich adding the SMG to his chains. “Also are you getting hit on by anthro locals, a nightmare personified and MAYBE a fully sentient twisted A.I. you made using the remains of an Alicorn named Faust and three Draconicus?” taking the time to pause to think.

Quickly adding onto the end there before he spoke saying this. “For the facts no I did not do that necromancy bullshit, no offense intended. I used the preserved DNA and magical signatures and focused it towards the first while rebuilding her from my tech and magic research division.”

Asphyxious just stared at me for what felt like hours he then start to drum his metal fingers on his cheek bone. He then sighed as he rubs the top of his head. "I got to say yours sound pretty bad, at least you didn't get locked in the dark for 900 years then get attacked by zombie ponies. Then found out your book that has all the knowledge in the world to make an army of Necrotic undead monster's all under the commanded of a dragon who wants to kill his kin and everything else... And some other stuff that take too long to explain so. I think we both got the bad end of the deal. Also have you seen any killer plants coming out of the Everfree? Coz I'm nowhere near this point in time yet."

I just looked at him before saying this out loud, knowing F.A.U.S.T. will get one of the constructors to make it. “Faust, can you load any and all video surveillance starting from before the Summer Sun Celebration festival up until after Tirek’s bullshit? If he’s right about this than maybe your creepy stalker methods of gathering information will help my Associate here, on another note would you enjoy future business or aid from Hyperion on my behalf? On the conditions of some form of payment be received as I am running a business, also how do I make that thing that brought you here?”

Pointing at the carved gem in the angel’s hand, as I see a Holo player finish being made with marked crystals in a Hyperion Branded Case in numerical order that can be inserted like CDs. “You use magic too right? What would you think about a taste of Eridium, it’ll likely give you a temporary power boost though it’s a purple glowing ingot that I’m proud to be the genius on how to make it and other products.” Blinking a moment at being given something else as well. “Faust why did you give me an Acquisition Beacon too?”

“We believe it appropriate that it would be an Acquisition Beacon if it was to summon if estimation of matching signatures from the gem to individual.” The last part she said in what felt like a cordial business tone.

"Ya that thing could work as a token and I wouldn't mind getting my hands on some Eridium only if you found a way to not have any of the side effects. I'd also love to do business with you tell me do you take gems? As it the only thing I can use for cash right now." Asphyxious said as he takes the Holo player. "Say can this thing work as an ECHO? Oh my god... CAN I CALL ZERO ON THIS THING?!" He started taping everything to see what happens.

“Will you stop that?! I do NOT want to deal with any of those fuckers because, LOOK AT ME!” Waves hands over myself to make it clear. “What do you expect they would do when seeing me? Invite me to tea? NO!” A loader bot smack’s the iron lich’s hands away from the device before sighing I was about to continue when F.A.U.S.T. spoke up again leaving her reply with only more questions.

“We believe when thou may use the device similar to thy own, there would be a chance it would summon Handsome Jack, Our self or a Claptrap unit.” The things she does at times makes me wonder if I made her too well or that she could come up with enough situations to have prepared for anything. THAT is creepy/cool and might pale her Stalker methods of information gathering.

“We have also uploaded a message to be played that we felt was fitting to thine wishes jack.” There’s that sentient response of ‘felt’ or emotions I’ve been getting from her since my return, makes me wonder if she’s pretending to be semi sentient or not so she doesn’t scare me. You know that would make a lot of sense, but onto the subject at hand! “...Right, let’s just play this message to see shall we?” I said this as a loader bot activated a actual advertisement button from being put into play mode.

This message is brought to you by Hyperion interstellar Corporation on behalf of Handsome Jack, we take this time out of your busy schedule to make it known of possible business opportunities! By activating this Beacon you have in your possession one of THREE suitable personnel may be called forth, First being the C.E.O. of Hyperion itself Handsome jack, second would be the Unit F.A.U.S.T., third and least would be Claptrap who may cause bouts of frustration due to lack of experience. When called for assistance do take note that Hyperion requires compensation for requests and/or purchases of Hyperion Branded equipment.

I just smiled and blinked at that before having it given to The Iron Lich, only to ask this now. “Wait do I have to make one of those fuckers every time someone drops by?” I made a exasperation expression with sliding my hand down my façade of a face, that’s going to be a pain to set aside unless F.A.U.S.T.’s already done that just from this conversation alone.

"Yeap." Said Asphyxious as he just wiggles his fingers in the air then put the device in his rib cage? "So I can't call anyone else up or call up Zero just to say how cool he is on this thing right?" I'm not sure how but I think he trying to give me the puppy dog eyes, not really working but its just creeping me out. Also I get the feeling he is a fanboy, by the way he was just talking then again he could slow them down if they show up, or talk them to death.

He might have been trying to be humorous saying this. "Also back to the being hit on thing not likely no sex drive or the body parts for it. So not going to happen." Trying to get the weird mental image out of my brain now sends a shiver down my spine, note to self avoid the undead in hopes they don’t try to eat/rape just in case.

Sighing as I try to wave the topic off before motioning him to follow me towards the direction the Crystal Empire is. “Well you stop being a ‘fanboy’ when the actual vault hunters show up to try MURDERING you. NOW I have to deal with other companies crap tech having been learned or is being used by the local population for one, like these dogs! Whoever is organizing them I will make them die for whatever reason they thought to put a bounty on my head. Maybe spend a minute pissing on their corpse just to hope they feel it from death.” I actually smiled at the end before seeing a bit more of what I’ll have to walk through.

“Fuck my life or better yet, you up there asshat!” Taking a moment I point out the trench warfare these mutts have set up that reminds me of some world war pictures, with some railroad tracks a mile beyond those quite possibly. “Faust, Tell Mr. Flexington I need a little of his ‘Explosive’ personality used on what’s ahead of me because I don’t think we’ll get there in a timely fashion if not.” I could already see them gearing up down there from the stragglers that dug back while having talked to my need associate.

"No promises if we meet Gaige or Maya I am giving those cuties a hug." Said the Iron Lich sounding all too happy about meeting the vault hunters, on the other hand I can only hope they start shooting at him then me.

“Of course Handsome Jack, do brace for moonshot strikes in the capable servos of Unit Torgue for any explosive operation of any magnitudes. We would caution about exposure during said strike against possible fragmentation debris.” To which I hid rather well behind the closest boulders, already seeing the faint first signs of a strike incoming and yelling at my apparent new ‘friend’. “Take cover or lose what you have!”

The Moonbase – Moonshot Control – ten or so minutes before Jack’s ‘Request’

*Mr. Flexington’s Perspective*

F.A.U.S.T.’s been giving off a lot of instructions earlier, boss man seems to be in some trouble due to some misalignment of the targeting. Though luckily enough we got that claptrap fired out to an odd spot in space as F.A.U.S.T. ordered so that glitch is fixed and some PROPER EXPLOSIONS can happen now!

The coordinates are set, targeting is prime and focused, the ‘lower’ grade stuff loaded in the next seven shots and all I got is TARGETS! “THE BOSS MAN WANTED EXPLOSIONS, HE’LL GET THEM IN SPADES!” Slamming down on the firing sequence got the first shell rolling out the Moon Shot like thunder, around this time that tall busty black alicorn pony came in wearing a form fitting yellow Hyperion Suit wondering what’s got me shaking her moon at this time of their night.

Smiling at the screen that shows more than sixty visible targets saying this. “BOSS MAN IS IN A PICKLE SO I AM BRINGING THE EXPLODING RAIN!” It took her a moment before rushing up to the screen to see what I mean as she said this louder than ME! “WHAT DOTH THOU MEAN INSOLENT METAL WHELP THAT OUR JACK BE IN HARMS WAY?!? WHOM WOULD DARE TRY TO DO BATTLE WITH NIGHTMARE MOON’S COLTFRIEND!” She was givin’ off those major exploding vibes before i pointed towards where jack and those he went down with were, then towards the armored D.A.H.L. Dogs.

She narrowed her gaze at the weird floating undead thing named Asphyxious who was taking cover with boss man as the next shells were firing off where I've pointed them at with the first one making a big impact at the center, i think a lot of those ponies are going to see the sky brighten up for a bit, FROM MY EXPLOSIVE LIGHT SHOW! Taking a pose with a pair of shades now over my optics for that ‘cool’ factor boss man told me about.