The whole trip? Six minutes. For someone who was so tired, Bludwogen sure had incredible lung capacity.

But he really insulted me when we got close. Did he have to keep screaming?! I landed with the grace of a pudding blob falling onto a cushion made of kittens and clouds! That'll teach him.

His knees playing a maracas solo like a boss, Blueblood took a few unsteady steps forward. "Huh… thank you, Havoc."

I smirked. Gotcha! "Now who's using the real names?"

Amazingly, Blueblood chuckled in good humor. "It's not my fault you picked a very long one. Twenty-two syllables are excessive... And there are ponies who do have "Havoc" in their names.” He coughed. “Thankfully not many, but there are a few"

I raised an eyebrow at that, the image of a certain snake-like bastard coming to mind. "Really? What kind of parents call their children 'disaster' and the likes? Sounds kinda mean."

That line of ponies waiting didn't look to be shrinking anytime soon...

“Names are roughly given based upon the sensed magical potential within a pony,” Blueblood mentioned a bit offhandedly. “Or, for some of the oldest noble families, there are family names… especially when given to eldest sons and daughters. Blueblood is one."

I shrugged. "So, anypony out there called Dropout?"

For some reason, he sighed, as if expecting it. "Magical potential, Havoc, not actions"

"So, let me get this straight." I readjusted my thinking glasses on my muzzle, and gave him a good probing stare. "You ponies name your foals about their potential, you get cutie marks representing your special destiny, but the idea that there IS a greater will controlling everything is farfetched?"

He sighed, and there came the return of the slutty lemon face. “Controlling everything? Yes.” He puffed his chest, somehow managing to look as self-important as a prince of the unicorns while looking like a red glass of wine. “I would like to think my thoughts at least are my own.”

Meeeeh. Whatever. No way getting into his puny mind. I would just use my superior intellect to distract myself by twirling around this little strand of my mane.

Litterally two seconds later : "Are we there yet?!"

“For the seventeenth time, no,” Blueblood growled, and I whistled, impressed by his counting skills. “You know what? After this one, we're getting express tickets. I'm not doing this for every single ride.”

I gasped. "Express?"

Truly, could it be so?!

Blueblood nodded solemnly, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

The divine harmony came from our left then, in a form most pink, and – if the blasphemous thought was permitted to me – smoking hot sexy!

"Did somepony say Expresso?"

For a single stilted second, stillness stopped my sight and sweat swirled down my skin. And I immediately broke into a squeal of silly, sappy happiness (in part to forget ever feeling like a statue again), that would have been a hiss had my tongue gotten in the way.

Oh, I knew that angelic high-pitched voice! The alliterations! The smell of sweet and salty baked pastries!

On the spot, I grabbed GrumpyMcGrouch and turned him around. A wide goofy grin split my face in half. The prettiest cotton candy colored-coded cake adoptee stood there, holding a big gigantic cylinder of metal. My higher brain functions told me that it likely was a thermos of expresso.

All swag and OHMYGOD SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MARE IN THE WORLD, I trotted up to her, my voice smooth as melted chocolate. "I might have, my lady."

All the while Blueblood looked like he'd been found by one of the Element bearers, and thus Luna soon, Pinkie giggled and batted a hoof. "Sweet! I was really hoping somepony would accept the Cake's special coffee blend!"

A rich, low and demonic laugh rose from my lungs. “Ah, my sweet, to ever refuse a sample of anything you would offer, I would need to be a damned fool.”

Blueblood coughed loudly to cover snickers and snorts of laughter.

His indignant whelp when my tail slapped him – Ah! – should teach him to cut in on my swagger and my conversation with the most wonderful happy mare in Equestria!

And, to my worried delight, and the contractions of muscles in my chest, Pinkie Pie blushed a little, fanning a hoof before her face. I could go on a fifty days quest with the memories of her giggle then. “Hony, my, you're a bit more… confident than back in Ponyville! And you've made a friend with the prince too,” she added in passing to Blueblood, whose eyes looked slightly like saucers and slightly like sapphires lost in a bowl of ranch dip. “Friends are really important. That's great! I'm glad you could bring him over to your side.”

“Suave is my middle name, my lady.” I bowed low, and produced a very official scroll to offer for her beautiful eyes.

Pinkie's hoof let the thermos float in midair to continue pouring while she read my birth certificate. She hummed appreciatively as her gaze followed each word and line on the paper.

“Huh, would you look at that? Written black on white, with a few spots of red wax for the seals. Honest Suave Havoc.”

“Told you so, my sweet,” I hummed.

Blueblood, or Château-oeuf, was bartering with a street merchant over the price of their whole stock of painkillers and various other remedies against headaches. Or so he said in a snide and deeply tired voice.

Whelp, no point in trying to understand how his strange mind worked. Down the hatch the coffee goes!

Mhmmmm, I can taste the energy.

“Wait a second,” Blueblood muttered with a horrifying realization. “Havoc, coffee?! Oh motherbu–”

I didn't hear the rest, because Pinkie whistled, and who can focus on a jerk like him when she was around? "That's fast. Wasn't it hot?"

Angel! Pure angelic grace! And oh, I could not stop smiling if I wanted to. “...Not as much as you."

Pinkie let out a soft gasp, then giggled again, a cutesie wootsie blush on her face. Swift as a bolt of lightning or a puff of cartoon logic, she rummaged through her mane and, seconds later shoved a thermometer in her mouth. The little red line didn't climb very high. “Oh Honey, my body is perfectly normal. No fever whatsoever.”

I snorted, a circle of smoke coming out and then turning into a heart over my head. Skills, people.

“Sweet Celestia, no...” whispered Blueblood.

Like all reasonable ponies, we ignored him. “More expresso?” she asked us while batting her eyelashes rapidly.

Now, my brain was all in shambles, and my stomach might have a twin because biology – while also being full of butterfrees –, and maybe I was just a little bit out of it feeling like floating on a cloud, BUT Gary Motherbucking Oak Version 4.3 did say that eyelashes were a sign of flirting. And oh hotdogs in the skies, my knees were a bit weak. Dreams coming true felt less blissful than her smile.

I might be also be swooning a lot.

I nearly bumped into Blueblood, who seemed to be praying with great fervor. He was currently lighting up a seventh candle, which may or may not have been placed into a circle and a pentagram. “Please, by all that is merciful, don't let them breed. The laws of physic and magic can't take that much violating.”

Wait, I was getting distracted! Bad Havoc! Focus on the pretty pink Pinkie. "Yes, pretty please with cherries on top, and sundae underneath!"

Pinkie oohed appreciatively. "Wow, didn't think somepony else knew about the best please ever."

I could not help but puff out his chest and strut around a bit. Celestia! Must show, best side! "Ah, that's the mark of the ponies with the best minds, or, huh, hearts, maybe?" I scratched the back of my head, sticking my tongue out. “One organ or the other, anywho, and it's like the signs of knowing the greatest please of all times.”

More delicious caffeinated liquid coated the inside of my mouth. It gave a kick, and my heart fluttered some more. I could lose myself in Pinkie's dreamy smile.

Pinkie, seeing a very satisfied potential customer, jumped next to Châteauneuf and nudged him. "And you, Princy? Want some extra special super deliciouriffic expresso?" To my everlasting jealousy, she winked. "Heard you need the energy too."

His horn glowing, he made the cup float to his lips. After a sip or two, his stance straightened a little, and his eyes looked, if tired, a bit more alert and calm."How did you...?"

"Pinkie Sense."

He blinked slowly. "Uh-huh..." he muttered in a vaguely disbelieving tone.

Oh, that would not do! “Blueblood,” I hissed in his ears with a guttural growl that could make a third circle demon cry, “it makes perfect sense and you will say as much, right this instant.”

His ears twitched a bit. "W-well she had to know somehow… so why not?” He cleared his throat. “Pinkie Sense. Obvious in retrospect."

Pinkie frowned and stared alternatively at him and then at me. “Hmmmm...” A peppy quiz music played in the background, until she leaned closer to me with a look that was not entirely happy. “Hony, are being threatening?”

I let out a very nervous and jumpy chuckle. Suddenly, I held a puppy and a candy cane in both hooves. “Me?” Angelic chorus go! I ordered mentally, which didn't work for some reason. “Nooooooooooooo...”

Pinkie frowned and stared. She was so unto me! And not in the way I could ever dream of! “Hony...”

I managed the puppy eyes maybe a second, two tops. After that, I slumped and dropped my head to the ground, while the puppies exploded. “Maybe,” I whimpered. “I just wanted him to be nice to you.”

The scent of sweet cinnamon and vanilla just filled my nose as I saw nothing but the prettiest pink fur. The gentlest warmth seeped into my shoulder, my neck and the side of my head. "Thanks, Hony. I know it wasn't from a bad intention.” She pulled back a little, then booped my nose. “Just remember that it's always better to keep smiles on ponies' faces.”

I grinned.

“Yup, like that. And now, I gotta go! Toodles!" She waved goodbye and pronked away.

I found myself following her progress very very intensely, and when she finally disappeared around a corner, I became oh so dizzy. My love! Gone, for maybe the whole day! NO NOOOOO NO. Slay me, wicked temptress, before submitting me to such torture!

Torture! TORTURE! What had I done besides a whole lot to deserve it? And my friend became a white rock on which to grab till the passing storm, but no, never, the sunlight had become an insipid thing, and my still beating heart, a shriveled husk that was more machine than proteins and nerve tissue!

“I breath in the last of your scent of sweet vanilla, oh my fluffy cotton candy, and with the last of you, the last of me dies.”

And to the wet eyes of my audience, I closed my eyes, lost what little kept me standing and collapsed onto Blueblood. It would have been perfect, but the weakass punk crumbled to the ground instead. There went my whole dramatic swooning!

“You really are unreliable in my times of greatest need, you realize that?” I pouted with all my masculinity. “Of all the times to let me down...”

“Oh walk it off, Honest.”

“Walk it off?! How could I ever… when… when it's her?” I said wistfully, sighing and looking into the distance. A smile split my face in half, so wide I just could not stop smiling. She had blushed! Pinkie Pie, party pony extraordinaire had giggled and hugged and maybe kissed my cheek a little!

Bubbles of comfortable warmth popped in my chest. I felt like I was floating on a cloud!

“Honest Havoc, for goodness' sake, get off this cloud.”

~ Ooooooh ~

BB facehoofed with both legs. “Really? Now?”

Not like I could help it. Every little voice inside of me begged to be freed, and to sing the glory of this magical feeling within my heart. How could I not? And oh behold, the most suave of all voices came to the front.

~Only love! Oh Loooooooove!~

Ponies joined in chorus. “Oh Love!”

I fell back on my cloud, drifting amongst this crowd of so many ponies that were not her. Drifting, because she was not around me.

~Oh what is this vision? The most beautiful mare in the world!

Oh cruelest beat of my heart! I'll never love anything else...~

On the ground, of course, somepony could not hold their tongue for my serenade. “...The line is moving. To the beat of your singing."

~Are we destined to be apart? Can I not see you again?

If you told me to leave, I would, but from this world.

There is nopony I'd rather live for, not even myself! ~

A bunch of mares said goodbye to their loved ones climbing into the roller coaster's cart. “Looooooove...”

~Oh, your smile would be worth it,

But you saw fit to withhold this sunrise from me

What am I to do? What am I to loooooooooove?~

Blueblood bowed his head to a very old couple nuzzling each other. His horn lit a brighter shade of blue, the same as my cloud. We moved faster into the line.

~Oh, who? Who, if not you?

Please, my sweet, my love forever

Tell me, one day, in front of that altar…

I let my voice trail off, falling into a fake silence from which everypony hung to my lips, waiting, knowing. They were there now, they could see Pinkie and I, clothed in pink and pinker, horn rings and bracelets waiting for the two perfect words.

I would lean. So would she, and at that moment, with light falling in her hair, she would say...

“I do.”

For the longest time – seven seconds, the time it took for the echo to die out –, nopony dared move. Their gazes were all on me, on the tears of blood threatening to spill from my eyes. The song now over, its charms slowly broke apart, and the ponies regained control of themselves.

It started with a single clop. One hoof, beating on the ground. And another, joined by two more. Soon, the entire line applauded.

I grinned, and leaned a bit against Blueblood's shoulder. "You think Pinkie likes me?"

“...She was flirting fairly heavily for a first encounter," he said, very hesitant.

Oh, I could just hug that big flankhole!

And I did!

One hoof awkwardly pushed against my back. The poor thing, not used to love, was he?

I would have to find him a better prostitute. And possibly arrange a series of whacky, improbable events that would lead to them falling in love for real.

“Havoc, stop plotting something evil right this instant!”

Sputtering, I whined and hid the plans behind my back. “But I have nothing else better to do!”

“Yes, you do.” Blueblood ripped the paper apart and gestured to my left. “It's our turn to step into the carts.”

I could have sworn there were more groups ahead of us. Weren't we in a long long line waiting for a ride? How had we gotten here so quickly?

The look I sent Blueblood probably contained all this confusion, for he smirked bitterly. “Your evil whispering scared the foals away. Most parents took them away.”

Okay, had there been foals here before? And surely, if I looked through my memories of the last five minutes...

I rolled my eyes. "A likely story."

“This is a fair, Havoc. You must always act as if they are present"

"But I always act as if foals are presents! This is a kid's show!" I crossed my front legs together and pouted. "Like, if this were strictly adult setting, I'd say a lot more things about how pretty Pinkie is."

“Well, I suppose I could thank Aunt Celestia for this small miracle...”

I shrugged. "Yeah, so instead, I'll be singing it later tonight."

“WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME, CELESTIA!?”

Well, that's unnecessarily dramatic, I thought with a pout and climbed into my seat.

Another pony came from our left, and reached for our safety belts with his olive hooves. Once they clicked, he seemed satisfied, not that I saw his face. His mane had mostly fallen over his eyes, like an earthy brown curtain.

This could explain his very slow, mechanical walk. It's not that I wanted to compare him to the undead, but he was just like the undead.

“Are you alright?” Bloodhaven called, to which the attendant mumbled under his breath unintelligible things.

And pulled the lever.

Steam flew off from underneath us. Two clouds rose from the sides of the wagon, and we jolted backward in our seats. Creaks shrieked from the railing, as slowly we moved forward.

The ride was starting! YES!

And to start things off, the attendant gave us a very blank look. The traditional “Enjoy the ride” I heard in every amusement park ever instead sounded like “Nb vmgriv yvrmt rh ztlmb .”

Oh, foreigners.

Who knew one would be the attendant for this Canterlot exclusive event of the century? It's like this thing was planned for tourists and the likes. Curious.

Grinning, I turned around to greet the other passengers on the carts.

“Hey there, say, I was wondering. Do you know if the coronation was planned like, years in advance? As part of a complex plot to allow Twilight Sparkle to fulfill her destiny and become a great guiding light for Equestria, and then the world?”

The ponies in their seats gave me blank look, as if dazed. Or better yet, brain dead. Yes, yes, there was a particular lack of spatial, temporal and general awareness to the unmoving irises, and the lack of reaction when the green pegasus mare didn't react to the fly landing on her eyeball.

“Hftzi rh gsv dzb lu oruv ,” the mare and her partner replied in unison.

“Ah, of course,” I nodded. “Thank you for these words of wisdom.”

I would have been content leaving it at that, seeing as our cart's was nearing the top of the first peak, but Blueblood, of course, had other plans. "Sweet Celestia... Havoc, we have to get everypony out of here.” – right now?! – “Somepony must have placed them under a spell."

Blueblood nodded to the helpful couple behind us, and there I recognized is inherent hatred of all that is peaceful and gentle. Their blank gaze stared at nothing over the sky, and none of them spoke anything about the beginning of this carnival adventure. I mean, the stallion sort of reacted when the wagon jolted, but more like a reflex, maybe. Drool dripped on their chins and on the wagon.

I tilted my head to the side. Yeah, I don't see it. "They look fine to me."

Blueberry Muffin's growl sounded very much like somepony out of patience. "They're blank eyed, stumbling around like young foals and chanting!"

~Hftzi uli gsv hftzi tlw ~

“So what? I like singing too. Hay, you like singing too!”

~ Kzhgirvh uli lfi gvvgs~

“Havoc, that was different, we were at a mission at the opera!”

~ Dv sfmtvi uli xfkxzpvh ~

“And you pulled off the role of the main actor like a pro. Almost like you knew every line and every song – WHEEEEEEE!”

The whole argument was forgotten, for the world shifted at high speed with wind slapping our faces and the rail digging into our stomachs. And up, and down, and to the right, into the loop!

And more shaking, though from Blueblood's grip on my shoulder. “Havoc, this is no time for enjoying the ride! These ponies are in danger!"

"How so?" I asked. "They're just sitting in a ride."

Their legs swung in the air, just as ours did, once when we got into the loop. Hay, they cheered just as loudly as I did!

“Praise [REDACTED]! Praise [REDACTED]! Praise [REDACTED]! Praise [REDACTED]!”

Perfectly normal.

Blueblood disagreed. “They are also chanting in a strange language in unison! They're not screaming or anything!"

I pouted. "Rude."

Blueblood's hooves grabbed my shoulders, his eyes hard and his mouth turned into a thin line. "Don't you find that odd in a roller coaster?"

We were reaching the peak of the highest slope. And the world below, this great checkerboard of tall pristine marble buildings everywhere and their rich purple roofs, the ponies below and their balloons, the peppy music, faint over the distance... all of it made a nice sight.

And, okay, maybe the passengers of every other cart on the roller coaster were looking a bit too indifferent to this. Carnival fair and overblown roller coaster rides should bring a giant smile on all their faces! Especially in a world where flight was a personal ability a third of the population shared!

He got me there. "Okay, so it is pure unnatural behavior, but it's not really that bad! Like, they're just saying cupcakes over and over again."

The wagon slowed down on the top, almost stopping completely. Blueblood and I were treated to the sight of an almost vertical drop.

The coaster itself seemed to creak.

“THAT is a sharp drop...” I pondered with a scratch of my chin.

“Cupcakes...?” I heard Blueblood repeat next to me. And then, like, the little twitch under his eyes he got when things really went stupid? He got it so in spade a deck of card would call for a fourth of its soul back. "Havoc...."

Our bodies lurched forward with an ominous jolt. The wheels under the wagon gave their song of oily creaks.

“Yeah?”

"I think you may have put a little too much spirit into that song of yours..."

“Do you have any idea how hard to sing that had been?” I hissed. "Like, I had to use four voices in ultra high pitches just to add the subconscious message!"

If looks could kill… Blueblood would have reached master class assassin. “Havoc!”

“I've got ten voices! I sung with only one! It's not like I had a choice of what to do with the others!”

Now, I would have explained further the great mechanics of speaking in reverse and in imperceptible pitches, and it was really smart and impressive, but… well… we had just gone over a peak in the roller coaster. So, logically, one thing came next.

The cart dropped. And too suddenly, whatever conversations we had thought to hold became secondary. We were going… fast.

Eyes drying.

Lips flapping the wind.

Our whole existences flashing before our eyes.

“Look on the bright side!” I shouted to a paler-than-usual Blueblood. “If we die now, Luna won't be able to skin you later! Isn't that great?”

“Delightful!” He threw his legs in the air, finally getting into the spirit of this ride. “I'm only going to drown in my own vomit under a broken roller coaster! Why would I ever be unhappy?!”

Exactly.

Besides, just ahead... at the end of that downward descent to Tartarus, was a loop. A BIG loop. I prepared the squee.

Blue… didn't quite react as well. “That wouldn't have happened if you hadn't used magic to control the minds of the attendants!”

A pout twisted my lips as he grossly misattributed the blame of this tragic turn of event. “I didn't use magic!”

"You didn't have to apparently! Those messages must've worked on them instead of you!"

Ground was almost upon us. It really was unfair that I had to use my last few minutes of fun on this cruel world explaining stuff.

"How could I know brainwashing was a thing in Equestria?!"

Wait, was that…? OH NO! Panicking, I grabbed BB's face and made him turn 90 degrees. "PICTURE!"

Behind us, ponies shouted, "SUGARCUBE CORNER!"

The world disappeared for me in a gigantic, blinding flash of light. So intense the shade of white, my descendants would be feeling the dots swimming before their eyes till the fourth generation.

It's like a crime against eyesight!

I, ahem, whined in an extremely stallionly manner. "Not my beautiful eyes!"

Why was my back suddenly getting pulled against my seat...? Leaning backward... backward...

The world tilting…

Blueblood whining, “Now, where were we? Ah yes,” he yelled, "you brainwashed them!"

"I just sang a bit! It's not my fault my vocal chords contain fibers of pure Madness!"

Oh dear, Canterlot's roofs looked really far from this point… How high could a roller coaster go? Answer: in the land of magical ponies, apparently very high.

Despite not caring about that – or perhaps speficially because he cared about that and didn't have wings –, Blueblood rounded on me even harder. "You implanted subliminal messages in your singing on purpose!"

"I was trying to do that on myself!"

The wagon accelerated.

"Honest, that's not how subliminal messages are created! You cannot consciously send a subliminal message to your own brain!"

And that was just so unfair! "Why not? I could have remembered to see her again!"

“That's not how it works, Havoc!”

Something wet rolled on my cheeks. I inhaled sharply, but the air decided to bitch me and get stuck there. "I… I wanted to make sure I wouldn't forget about her... Like everything else..."

Listening only to his courage, Blueblood dared moved a hoof beyond the security railing of our wagon... and it somehow landed on my shoulder. His… his smirk didn't seem all that mean. "Havoc, if you want to remember something, then tell me. I'll be sure to remind you"

"Huh... err... party canons?"

I could feel Blueblood's puzzlement emanating from the curve of his left eyebrow. "Alright," he said as if he had a clue of what I meant by that. Which would have been pretty amazing, considering I didn't.

"No, no, something else…"

It was on the tip of my tongue. I just knew it… something something green turtle with a rainbow colored owner...

"AH! Tanks!” I snapped my claws. “Thanks!"

Ah yeah! Make way for Grammatica El Havoc!

Blueblood didn't, because this was still the rollercoaster of DEATH, but he sort of smiled, just a little, and his hoof gently patted my back. “It's no trouble, Honest.”

Whatever more words I had for him jumped a hundred feet up my throat, then fell back in, with the jostling halt of our wagon atop a metal hill. The first two wheels of our cart hung limply in the air, the weight of the train behind us the only reason we still hadn't been introduced to freefalling.

A strange itch in my wings, I passed a leg around Blush's shoulders. "Okay, hang on now."

I heard Blueblood's mind shatter with fear, followed by “this is against regulations”, right before the cart dropped, and so did we, unto the tracks of terror and terrible maintenance.

The vibrations were not good chakra-gakarakaga thingy whimsies that spas recommended daily with a nutritious meal of two nuts and a lick of cream cheese. They were more like drifting alone downhill amongst a field of rocks and landmines on a crappy soapbox. With Bulk Bicept giving you a massage midslide. And possibly a dragon or two trying to breath flames on you.

...Now I kinda wanted to try that too.

Crack.

My neck hurt now.

A lot actually.

That was likely one of my vertebrae… And I should be worried about that. Maybe.

Not a ride I would recommend for the whole family. So, before I was kinda guilty about those hypothetical foals Blueblood tried to make me believe existed, but even then I would have saved all those little ones from neck ouchies.

Or bucking death, I thought as my head fell backward limply. The sky above tilted erratically left and right without warning, with every curve of the coaster like being sent flying as a ping-pong ball. And I sorta couldn't lift my head up.

Definitely a broken neck, appraised Madam Bucket over the furious whistling screeches of the wind in my ears.

“I'm so gonna sue,” I mumbled while the wagons began a loop. “I liked my neck.”

And right now, the gravity was pulling at it straight down. The rails stretched far past the upward corner of my eyes, like one big red vine sprouting from the sky into the ground. Red… for some reason that made me thirsty.

Then, with a sudden 'clack' that was about as reassuring as meeting a stranger in a trenchcoat on a beautiful sunny day, the train made to push forward, and we were gone again.

It would be hard to describe it. A cone of air formed around the nose of the cart, the sound barrier was broken, we might have gone through a black hole and returned, and Blueblood might have ended up crying tears of fear. The point was…

“Havoc, this is no time to be depressed. We have to get off this thing before the denizen of the Lower Realms operating this monstrosity pulls us along for another ride.”

Oh, so we did reach the end, and with only most of our lunches still in ourselves.

Now, if only I could get Blueblood or Luna to trip in that, it'd be glorious.

As a genius plan that involved fireworks and a tuba player formed in my head, I felt the harness click and free me from this actually pretty fun rollercoaster. My hooves fell onto solid ground, and with a good stretching of my muscles, those of my shoulders and neck in particular, I looked up to the wide blue sky still shining on us.

“Well,” – Blueblood proudly stepped outside, acting as if his legs weren't shaking – “now that we have gone on a rollercoaster that escaped from the bowels of Tartarus and only lost a fraction of our previous meals in the process, may I suggest fixing everything going wrong?!”

To help his point and be dramatic, surely, the ride blew out steam while a high-pitched whistle punctured our eardrums.

Shrugging, I said, “Sure, that was funny.”

He seemed willing to let it slide. For now. Instead, he focused on around us, that big empty platform with the exit line.

Tumbleweeds rolled in our paths. Yeah, there was not a pony in sight, besides us and our fun times ride compadre!

“~Cupcaaaaaaakes~” groaned the disheveled orange mare, nicely stretching her front legs toward me. For a hug. D'awww!

And, as her warm and kind embrace near closed on me, colors flashed right on the edge of my sight.

“Hey, look at that!” I pointed to the stands next to the exit, then dragged Blueblood over there.

Amongst the dozens other pictures exhibited, our eyes found the one that had a nicely contrasting combo of red, white and grey.

I shot a wide grin to the princeling. “Looking pretty good there for a stallion crying for his mother to save him. You managed a charming grin and wink in a split second.”

“Reflexes,” Blueblood grumbled, his face a faint shade of red. “Mere reflexes.”

“And hey, look, the zombies are also making silly faces.”

I had to crack up at the wild, furious bloodlust in the mare's eyes as she offered a very poor smile to the camera. Like, sorry ma'am, but if your jaws are so far apart, it just looks like trying to take a bite out of my head.

Blueblood scowled only for a moment. Then, his expression turned to absolute glee and, ahem, sincerity – AS IF! “Oh, look, this charming couple are fighting in the backseat over a grain of sugar. How very normal for ponies.”

Now, I was crazy and occasionally blind to sarcasm. The key word being 'occasionally'. My face heated up as if on fire, and it was not a good feeling. There probably weren't many, other than dragons, that enjoyed breathing fire on each others' face. “Ah, huh, yeah, bad stuff, right?” I lowered my head to the ground at his blistering glare. “Yeah, bad stuff. Sorry.”

Where were everypony anyway?

The three or so that weren't in the wagons were looking around, with a lost look in their eyes. Nopony else seemed to be wandering around. Just minutes ago...

I stepped into the street following Blue.

Most of the stalls had been abandoned, the good toppled or left for nothing. In the streets, nopony around, the balloons floated barely above the ground or far into the azure. Bags of carnival food littered the pavement, as if dropped in a great haste. The same tumbleweed rolled through the street, carried on by a wind that blew nowhere else.

For Canterlot, this didn't look very normal. There could only be one logical explanation to this.

“I bet we've traveled to another dimension of a look-alike Equestria where everyone has reversed morality!” I stretched my hoof to Blueblood, who stared blank faced. “Oh come on, it's totally plausible. I'll even betcha a creature from between the first and second dimensions.”

Maybe it was his conviction of being condemned to die today. But his face scrunched up and wrinkled up as far as physically possible as he sighed a lung or seven. “Honest, for the love of the sun and the stars, what would I even do with whatever that thing would be?”

I shrugged. “Well, I suppose you could conquer the world.”

Blueblood… paused. Completely. The air around him sort of stopped moving so he could properly freeze right where he stood. And his brow ninja'd into his mane, his jaw clamped shut and he seemed to hate himself for even giving it a thought.

His leg kinda bucked a barrel into a wall. Yikes!

“Right, right,” he breathed in deeply. “You're you. Let me get this straight: you own abominations that can conquer the world.”

“Yeah, it's the only thing those damned not-creatures are capable of doing too. I asked one to deliver a love letter, but NOOoOoOOoOOOo, if there isn't world conquest involved, they suddenly turn into cats. Remember the grey one that always sits on the third window in the guest hall?”

Blueblood's illusionary face turned so white that he more or less looked exactly as he usually did.

“No.”

I tilted my head to the side. “Are you sure? Because you petted it once. And it liked you.”

Blueblood's snarl was suddenly very close to my face. “Honest Motherbucking Havoc, I am telling you, no, I did not pet a monstrosity that may or may not be a gray cat with a tuft of white fur on its tail. It did not happen and I will fight that truth to the ground and grind it into fairy dust.”

I shrunk. “O...kay...”

I wanted to sing about that river in Anugypt, but even I wasn't that crazy.

BB was cackling. Deep and throaty and suave with a touch of madness to it. I mean, I was envious as Hell, but it wasn't normal that the sound he produced made me shiver. Discreetly, I took note, because the stallion had some sweet hidden talents. I could respect that, especially from a somewhat safe distance.

“Oh no, I will not be skinned alive by Luna!” he belted with a singsong voice. “I am going to strangle her first! And I'll plead insanity! And Havoc will just stand there talking for five minutes and they'll personally kiss my hooves just for lasting this long!”

Note to self: clean BB's hooves.

“Maybe we should investigate the cause of this ghost-town-ness first?” I suggested slowly.

He smiled something that wasn't a smile at all, all his facial muscles twitching, and he began trotting at a brisk pace. “Of course we should. We won't find brainwashed ponies from this general direction where we can hear panicked shouting.”

An unearthly howl rose from the lower streets. "CUPCAKES! MUFFINS!"

I frowned. “That wasn't very panicky. More like viciously hungry and ready to tear apart the fools that would stand in the way of their quest.”

Blueblood held up a leg, to make me bump into it like the jerk that he was. Granted, I hadn't noticed that we had arrived on a street's crossing, and proper regulations were important.

I began to say something, but then I felt a very weird shaking in my legs. Unnatural, aka produced by creatures that should not be there. With great apprehension, I glanced at our right, from when the shaking seemed stronger, and saw a veritable river of fur with ponies attached to them trotted up the streets briskly.

“Cupcakes,” gnawed one.

“Muffins!” growled another.

It came to blows. The two were swallowed into the monstrous moving mass. What were two ponies with blank eyes and slow, jerky movements and an intense craving for something? Miserable little piles of secrets.

“Havoc,” Blush Body said smugly.

“They're zomponies.” I pouted. “That's not a normal Equestria thing. My theory is still totally a possibility.”

Now, one of us hadn't his priorities straight, because he took the time to refute my 'logic'. The fool.

“Zombie ponies are improbable, but possible,” he pointed sharply. “Now give me that abomination you mentioned and undo the brainwashing, Havoc. Not in that order."

And here I noticed the flaw in Blueberry's superb plan. “How exactly am I supposed to do that?” I asked while pointing a claw at the parade of sugar-happy ponies.

His doubtlessly haughty and snide order died as he deflated like a lost balloon in a sunny day – the one hanging above the Pens & Beds store ensign. "I... don't know... what did you say subliminally?"

My mind happily reminded me, as did a lower part of my anatomy, while I burned up in embarrassment. "...W-well..." Now, I hadn't been expecting anyone to actually hear the silent love serenade that sort of turned into a dirty poem. Honest! Which was my name, so extra credibility! "I... don't remember?"

"Havoc..."

"It was a very spur of the moment thingy…" I scratched at the ground, fighting the itch to get away from his disapproving glare. T'was very accidental, and sugar was good for your soul anyway. Who cared? "Not easy. Like, you're asking me to undo improv made while high on lovefluff? It's not-- LUCKY!"

Vaguely, I saw the hope lit up in Blueblood's gaze, and his “Do you remember?” bounced off my shell of enthusiasm. Oh no, I had much more important things to focus on.

With a pounce, I reached into the pockets of his vest and felt my claws sink into a delightfully fluffy substance. Triumphant, a manic grin on my face, I threw my leg in the air and held my prize to the sun. “Look! Pinkie left you a cupcake from Sugarcube Corner!”

For some reason, even as I said it, it felt like pulling on a violin's string. The chanting went silent, every sound dying down with a record scratch needle. Somepony had tripped into the vinyl disc shop.

A few dozens head snapped in our direction, their gaze blank save for the spark of pure lust that birthed from the sight of Pinkie's baked good. Now, if I were being honest, I probably drooled a bit more than them when hungry, but my meals were generally dead and not subject to being trampled. Our flesh was still alive and smoothilicious, and holding a cupcake.

Blueblood summed it up nicely. "Buck."

And I, not to be outdone...

“RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVES!”

Somehow, in this moment of blind panic, I managed to gallop in the direction opposite to the crowd. I must be having a good day.

Of course, I was also fleeing for my life from a horde of sugar-obsessed zombies I had accidentally created. So there was that to consider too on the goodness-of-day scale.

For somepony exhausted both magically and mentally, Blueblood could sprint like a boss. Motivation made anything possible. We were two stallions on a mission to stay alive! So, we ran like the wind, if the wind had had legs.

And under us, the ground shook under the assault of hundred of hooves stomping.

On a scale of one to Richter, this might be close to Mount Vesuvius. Poor Canterlot.

Listening to my instincts, I took the first turn on the left, then another.

“This is a dead end, Havoc!" my fellow sprinter told me, a bit too late.

The walls of each house seemed to close in on me, and the stone that blocked the light. I skidded to a halt and blinked at the very tall stone structure ahead. “Well, that wall came out of nowhere.”

Blueblood's words were drowned by the thunderous rumbling that followed, and looking back, we saw dozens upon dozens of ponies galloping in the street we had just left. The stampede flashed with every color of their coats, and the two of us stood frozen, wondering, cold sweat sliding down our spines, how long?

Fourteen seconds. My mental clock could tell with that kind of accuracy. Fourteen seconds in, one sugar-obsessed pony noticed, mayhaps in the corner of her eye, the glint of Pinkie's beautiful cupcake hovering in the air.

“Mine!” she shouted, and in the alley came pouring every other zombie that heard her.

"Wow." I stared at the tidal wave of colorful flesh galloping straight at us. "That's kind of really creepy..."

A bout of stinging pain seared my cheek, and I saw Blueblood's frantic eyes bear into me. "Can you fly us to the roof, Havoc? Immediately?"

Maybe there was a self-preservation bone in my body somewhere deep inside me, like, around the bottom of my spine, or maybe around the ribs, because my brain did not have a brain fart. I was on Blueblood's back, then my wings spread wide. Strange air gathered at their tip, and the explosion lifted me and my burden.

And then… there was a problem.

Now, my gracious and powerful flying stalled about two meters up, and my legs felt ablaze from the inside. Each wing beat I spent had more strength than the last, more energy, more everything. But that rooftop clearly taunted me by not appearing very much closer than when Blueblood's heavy frame decided to be a jerk.

“Higher, Havoc!” said small whale screeched as a pair of zomponies snapped their teeth just below his hooves.

The cupcake promptly flew away from us, becoming unto them like a shooting star made of blueberries and love.

Blush Barril's horn however spluttered some sparks with an ominous cough, and the cupcake faltered into the air. Under us, the piles of ponies shifted and twisted and grew taller while legs and wings and teeth leaned skyward in a grotesque mount of flesh.

With a frantic twist of his head, my unicorn princeling pal pulled Pinkie's precious back in our direction, and the horde with it.

“There is something stupid about this...” I mumbled, jaws clenched shut.

“Just get us higher, Havoc!”

“Blueblood, did you have to be a fatass today?”

The poor bastard screeched, “I saw you lift a bear with one hoof! How can you possibly have trouble with just me?”

Grunting, I managed a bit more lift. “Guess, BB!”

“I am not fat!” shouted his big-boned majesty. “It's all pure muscle!”

Putting the last of my strength into it, I swung and aimed at the rooftop. “Less whining, more climbing!”

“I HATE Y–!” The last of it turned into a wheeze when his barrel collided with the edge of the stone wall. His hind legs batting in the air, he pushed himself onto the roof.

I, on the other hoof, ate a bar of metal to the face. My ears ringing, it became obvious the Universe had decided to teach me a lesson for caring about him. So poor in iron, that metal bar. Luckily, strong enough to grasp at it with my claws.

Scrambling, I somehow ended up seeing the streets way over my head, and the ponies insides all running like a flash flood upside-down. With a sudden jerk at the base of my tail, I yelped and realized I was hanging to a fire escape ladder by my tail. Hurt a bit over the rump, and blood going to my head probably was dangerous.

“GiVE us THe CuPCakescakescakescakes...”

Well, I might have just lost my appetite.

If the ones that said that got a hold of my head, all the blood stored inside would go splat on the floor. Or their coats. Or their eyes and their mouths and noises. Point being, the blood wouldn't be in my body anymore.

And I liked having blood in my body, ingested or otherwise.

A shadow fell over my eyes, and just in time did I glance left.

AH! MONKEY PONY! Screeched my many imaginary friends as an earth pony dove through the air, all his legs fully extended like a starfish, his tongue lolling out of his mouth.

My hoof caught him straight in the jaw, and sent him flying. I watched as his bright green fur blasted into three ponies of varying yellow coats, and laughed, laughed! Until another pony tackled me in the belly. That sort of put a damper on things.

For a second there, pretty stars, galaxies and the start of a new civilization of bacteria-people flashed like dots before my eyes. My lungs had not appreciated being emptied so brutally. The frantic bright red legs scratching at me did not help the matter either.

Maybe I breathed fire a little. Maybe. She could have just as well slid off me because she hadn't gotten a grip. Hard to get a grip when your hooves are on fire. But, and this is me saying it, I digress.

The time had come for me to get in touch with my monkey side.

Pulling out a banana, I leaped magnificently over the horde of future diabetics and grasped onto the very same edge Blueblood had gone up to.

There was that noise around us, like hooves scrapping against brick. It might mean horrible things. Worse even than the spellcasting song Blueblood was reciting under his breath. No, the things that came close to us… oh, crap.

I stared at the zombies climbing the walls, or more specifically how their hooves clung to the walls through suction and rubber-like marshmallow texture. Were horses even supposed to stretch like that? "Wow, Spiderman's got a lot of competition on the zombie magical pony scene."

One of them grabbed my leg. And another. With a malicious smile, they tensed their shoulders, and swung half their bodies downward.

My body shot forward right toward the edge.

"Wowowowowowww!"

My claws just sailed through the dust and pebbles lying on the roof, unable to get a hold of any kind. Pain shot through my shoulders, and my hind legs shook under the pressure, both pushing against the edge of the rooftop to keep me afloat.

“This could be going better,” I muttered to nopony in particular.

“It's all your fault, Havoc!” Blueblood shouted.

There's another explosion, but this one much... stranger. Not a boom of fire and death and collateral damage, but something squeezy, almost festive and like a balloon deflating. A shiver of unease ran through the zompony crowd. They exchanged blank stares, as if trying to ask their neighboring sins against nature if maybe they should go see what that was about.

“Here it comes!” Blueblue shouted.

I saw blue. Not, him blue, just blue saturating everything.

"Blarh" stumbled out of my mouth like an adult word, while magic tickled my fur and the pressure on my front legs disappeared entirely.

Momentarily.

Vicious jerky hooves flew past the roof's edge and grasped my legs. My whole body followed. I was hit first by the weightlessness of near flight, of being lifted off the ground through great power. Except, aimed at the ground, with two or seven pony faces snarling at me. No wonder they pulled me over.

Hundreds of eyes focused straight on me from down the street. Just in their hardened lusting gaze, I could tell I would pay for not being a cupcake. Maybe it'd go fast. Everything seemed to be happening fast, and slow.

And maybe, just maybe, these would be my last words. Because he couldn't keep up.

“Performance issues, Blues! Really?!”

One for the history books.

And then, more magic. Even better, more useful magic.

I could taste the purple. Delish.

Pain erupted into my shoulder, where one unicorn's horn dug into my flesh. Bad landing in a pile of ponies. Why would I get hurt?! Worse when it happened again, with my rump. I hate the world.

Not too far away, the most beautiful voice in the world shouted, "Cupcakes for everyone!" And the world, again, shook, from a poof and clown kazoo duo.

From the sky falleth the sparkles of colors, thin, short confetti every shade of the rainbow floating down on the whims of the wind. Tied to mini-parachutes, heavenly treats floated down the distance between us, and together, the ponies blinked out the remnants of their trances. The nightmare ended with the scent of vanilla, strawberry and chocolate.

Grinning, I fell onto my back, admiring the beautiful artwork. Only one pony could bring such esthetics to a post-apocalyptic scenario. "Aww, Cotton Candy…"

Okay, so maybe I just hate some of the world.

Slowly, the insane got their minds back, and they trailed their eyes on their surroundings. None of them had a clue what had happened. But they did as pony instincts dictated: follow the song. And even from here, I could hear the pop music.

While the general public went about their business, a thought came to mind. Now, that wasn't all that unusual, even for me, but this one concerned the few remnants of tingly blue magic that I could still taste on my tongue. And maybe, its caster.

"Blue?" I called back, before leaping onto the roof to the startled yelps of many little ponies. “Blueberrybachelor?”

Either the big white lump over there was a pillow, or he had fainted. Dramatically, right after the climax. Hmmmmm.

Pulling a stick out of hyperspace, I poked his sides, where the hints of pudgy made his flesh all squishy and squicky.

No response.

That brought a frown to my face. “Blue? Don't be selfish. Wake up.”

Still nothing. I was starting to think he wasn't just being dramatic. That made my stomach turn a bit.

“…Blueblood?”

He had yet to react, and I felt myself grew uneasy, all alone on the roof with just his unconscious body for companion. That wasn't very conductive to incredible adventures. Great things come in pair, or so they say.

“Hony! There you are!” I heard, and my heart swelled up with pure fluffy love. She was here!

“Pinkie!” I threw myself at the beautiful pink mare. “You're okay!”

“Eeyup!” Pinkie's sweet perfume tickled my nose as she hugged me. “Well, the good news is that everything is back to super normal thanks to Twilight. The weird news is that I never thought I would be disappointed to hear ponies chanting about cupcakes.”

I flinched so hard Reality cracked. No, really, a hole appeared in thin air, from which one could glimpse bright yellow tentacles moving about.

It's my fault. I made Pinkie Pie disappointed about cries for cupcakes! What a world!

I hung my head in shame. “Sorry, sweet sally. I kinda wanted to remember to go see you again, and get another one of your most delicious pastries, but it sorta spread to everypony else instead. Can you ever forgive me?”

Pinkie did not even hesitate. “Yepperoni! Don't be silly, Hony, it was all an accident. And I can tell by the subtle twitches of your right ear that you're very, very ashamed by this whole thing. But it's okay, nopony got really hurt, and it was interesting to test my party canon in a horror survival game. Just make sure to properly apologize to everypony you got into trouble, okay?”

I was so unworthy of her. To look at her radiant kindly happiness felt like a bat staring at the sun.
“Oopsie, gotta go. The girls are probably going to be looking for me everywhere! I was somewhere near the middle of it before I decided to pop here for a chat!”

Wait, so, was she going to leave so soon?! “Pinkie...?”

Her whole shook under a sudden shiver.

“Ooooooh, that's gotta be Dashie and Applejack!” She pulled out a giant beeping machine from behind her mane, and stared intently at the buttons. “See? Those lines indicate a 50% level of appleness in the air, typical of any member of the Apple Family, except possibly the Pies. Nopony's really quite sure if we count.” She shrugged, and the machine bleeped out with all the colors of the rainbow. “And that's a mixture of 40% radicalness, 20% cool and 15% awesome. There is only one pony in Equestria with that combination!”

“Oh...” I muttered. “That's exceedingly logical. Off you go, I guess.”

“Aww, don't worry. We'll see each other again!” In a blink, she was hugging me, and then she was not. “It's just a 'see ya later'!”

I tried not to be horrifically depressed about that. At least we'd see each other again.

“See ya later!” she chirped with a wide wave of her hoof.

Waving back in good cheer had to be one of the hardest thing I did in recent memories (give or take six minutes), and when my sweet Cotton Candy had left, everything became strangely silent.

So, the ponies in the street were gathering their wits, the celebratory fireworks were going off in the distance, and a voice from a megaphone shouted for all to hear that any injured could show up at the castle or send a flare to be treated without wait.

...And Blueblood couldn't do either of that, now could he?

Not while unconscious.

It struck me as strangely unfair. I'd been happily flirting with the prettiest mare in the world, even after I caused huge amounts of trouble. Hay, the poor princeling had fainted from overusing his magic. Whatever puppetmaster controlled everything was a big ass bastard. Like him.

And… maybe, because the weight on my back was lesser than the weight on my conscience, I muttered, “I'm sorry, Blue.”

----

Observatory Journal, by Prince Leon Polaris Blueblood.
Entry # 6

As one might notice while reading this report, Honest Havoc's most dangerous characteristics are clearly not the ones that are expected. Knowing him, he might actually do it on purpose to annoy me. So, yes, watch out, whoever reads this and intends to engage Havoc, you are likely fine if he tries to bite you or breath fire on your face, but if he sings, you are doomed.

I am pleased to remind anypony reading this highly confidential scroll that the crisis resulted in absolutely no casualties and the worst injuries were a few strained muscles. Honest Havoc seems to have caused more chaos than damage, which, while worrying in its own right, is expected of a chaotic breed of pony.

This, just in case, somepony wanted to imprison the guy.

On another note, he bought me a prostitute as an apology. I am still deciding whether or not that was insulting or kind of him. I mean, I know for a fact most of the ponies that pooled their bits together just wanted to insult me, jokes on them, but I'm still on the fence about Havoc.

His mind is still an ethereal and dangerous place. Listening to his rambling is always an invitation to madness. Thus, the sane thing for me and anypony reading those lines to do would be to tune out his ramblings.

…

P.S. By Royal Decree, no cat will be allowed in my wing of the castle. I could have sworn I saw a glimpse of gray fur the next morning, but the guards insist they haven't seen any.

Author's Notes:

Oh, by the way, for those of you that hadn't seen the blog post, we owe the new cover art to the always amazing Mix-up (also seen on fimfic here). Please, give him the praise he deserves for his work.

Without him, you wouldn't have seen Havoc and Blueblood dancing a tango together.