This was definitely a very bad idea.

Do you know of this blurry warmth that everyone feels when they wake up under cozy sheets in their bed? Well, so did I and I wished it would have been this way for yet another morning. Actually, I was not quite sure what time it was right now, every sound seemed to sort of blend together into this great rumble of thunder, voices indistinguishable from one another.

I probably owe you all an explanation, right? Well, I’ve got time until my vision’s adjusted to this extreme brightness, I guess. I’d really like to know what all the screaming is about though…

It all started with me having the crappiest day of my life in recent history.

It started off with me being late, as with all bad days. Instead of waking up at 6:30 am, I was instead brought back from the land of horrible nightmares by my crazy obese cat Giantonio, who decided that my face was the comfiest place for his nap, at 9:24 am.

Spitting out cat hair was low, like bottom of the barrel low, on my list of ‘worse ways to be woken up’, but it still paled in comparison to realizing I had six minutes top to get to class for my finals.

Did I mention I live kind of far away from the university when one does not own a car?

Luckily for me, I did own a car.

But, as I said, bad day.

As it turns out, the snowstorm had taken its toll on my rustic babe and she refused to move her lazy ass from my driveway.

One minute to go…

In my incoherent mind, sprinting like a mad moron was the best way to solve this problem. However, what was completely obliterating my idea was… yup, you guessed it: snowstorm.

The unfunny thing with snowstorm is that it tends to snow. No, not joking. It means that with all that snow covering the ground, it’s nigh impossible to see the patches of fu-freaking (language, me!) ices underneath all that white powdered treachery.

I would describe the surge of pain that went through my whole face as I bashed my nose into the pavement, but at the time, I was still more concerned with my finals going on without me. One might have admired my focus if, you know, someone had actually witnessed it and cared, which was a long stretch and the kind of leap of faith I was not willing to make. Not with my luck being massacred this badly.

So, running with a bloody nose for another twenty minutes to be told I was not allowed to enter the examination room kind of set me on the edge. Being a reasonable student that had only lost a few months’ worth of study due to a snowstorm wrecking my day in more ways than one, I, with civility, humility, rationality, started insulting the teacher!

…

The aftermath of that…

I don’t have the heart to tell you.

To cut to the chase, I spent at least one hour crying to myself in my bathtub (don’t judge me, you heartless BASTARD!) out of sheer frustration and heartbreak (there was that part about my most recent crush calling me a total loser to my face too, didn’t mention that now, did I?).

After this mother of all bad day finally getting to a conclusion, with me now having to retake my classes and possibly face expulsion, I allowed myself some guilty pleasure in reading fanfictions, mostly self-inserts that would go into Equestria and that would have this ‘incredible’ adventure, then I went back to the source of all bronydom: the TV show.

It was a completely random selection, or, at least, when I clicked on the link, I assumed it was a completely random choice, but after what happened next I allowed myself to have doubts.

My computer screen started showing me “The Return of Harmony, Part 2”. Yeah, you can see it coming, I bet. Well, I didn’t. Cut me some serious slack. Did you not hear me when I recounted my day to you?

So, it gets to the part where Discord is being his silly self and takes the blast of rainbow sunshine light that restores the world to his freaky long-legged rabbit free state. At that part, I just get the urge to quip to no one in particular (maybe Giantonio) : “Should have seen it coming, D. Still, the chocolate milk glass thingy was awesome. Sure hope to see more of you in the near future.”

On that, I closed the window and stretched my arms lazily, being slightly less tensed than twenty minutes ago.

“Awww, you flatter me.” His – his! – voice echoed in my crappy bedroom, having me jump out of my chair and away from my computer. “Oh, don’t have a heart attack, dear boy. It would be a shame to lose a fan of the chaos.”

Have I taken my meds today? If so, note to self: I don’t need meds!

Freakier still, Discord’s laugh filled my room. That’s about the part where I considered the cost of laundry for a clean pair of jeans.

“Oh, the meds!” He said, coming out of his hysteria. “Good one, boy, it reminds me of the time I played doctor with the flutterponies.”

Finding out the price of a good laundry was becoming a very urgent need.

“Well, no need to be that awed by my appearance,” he chuckled, giving me the distinct impression he was putting on imaginary sunglasses.

“Speaking of which, where are you?” I asked stupidly, then quickly added: “Not that I want to s-”

“Behind you.” He replied, poking my shoulder with something sharp.

I let out the girliest scream ever since I hit puberty.

My manliness gone and my heart playing ‘Dragonforce’ on expert, I realized that he was actually next to me, to my right. I also realized that Giantonio had fainted, the lucky, useless fluff ball, and that I was really face to face with Discord.

First impression: a cartoon character looks amazingly weird in the real world. It was almost fascinating how the lack of depth seemed inscribed into his very being, adding to the already surreal Discord.

“Very impressive.” He started clapping slowly, in a fashion not unlike how he had mocked the mane six. “I think even the little pony girls did not put on that kind of display.”

“…Shut up…” I gritted my teeth, blushing like crazy.

“Now, now.” Discord wrapped an arm around my neck, sending shivers everywhere his cartoony fur touched me. “I just wanted to show some appreciation to you, dear boy. You know, let you know that your compliments haven’t let me stoned.”

I stared.

He stared back.

“That… was a really bad pun, D.” I explained lamely.

There was this part of my brain that was screaming ‘RED ALERT’ everywhere at first, but Discord had reached into my mind and pulled the switch on that one. I was not sure if I should have been grateful or not.

“Oh, cut me some slack!” The draconequus pouted, his tone taking a turn toward annoyance. “You’re a real party pooper.”

Last time he had been annoyed…

“Well, I’ve just had the worst day of my life, D!” I tried to justify myself.

He looked at me flatly. “I was turned to stone. Again. After a thousand year imprisonment of just that.”

“Okay… Point.” I patted him in the back (what the hell, hand?). “But I’m sure mine was a close second,” I argued, not to be undone by the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony.

“Let me take a look,” he said.

Before I had the time to blink, Discord’s claws had sunken into the sides of my head and pulled, effectively cutting my head in half, on the vertical.

Freakiest. Sight. Ever.

Discord threw my face over his shoulder, before leaning forward and looking into my brain.

If my mouth was still attached to my body, I would have puked my guts out. That trick would have looked fine in a cartoon, albeit a morbid one. NOT HERE! It was pure sickening and a pure reminder of what Discord was at his core.

I considered myself lucky he bothered replacing my face to its rightful place. Still, I said nothing while Discord had this thoughtful frown on his face.

“BORING!”

“W-what?!” I screamed, indignant.

“You call that Chaos? I say that’s nothing more than an organized mess!” He yawned.

Well, he would know. And wow, never thought I would one day have Discord looking at me with disdain. That is, when he was not using Giantonio as a lime for his claws.

Huh, I had no idea his body was that rough. It always felt puffy to me…

“Still, I suppose that for puny humans that was pretty bad. Ponies have to deal with me.”

“Freaking ponies…” I muttered angrily.

What? It stung my pride as a human to be looked down like that. I did like the show, but that really had no place in comparison. Even when I had the crappiest day ever...

“Oh?” Discord’s closed in, his body twirled around me. “Do I sense jealousy?” He snickered, eyes shining with unshed tears.

And I apparently dropped my non-existent meds in Discord’s mouth because he was delirious!

“No.”

“Yes, you do.” He was suddenly much closer to my face and he did not look that silly anymore… “Don’t lie to me, dear boy!”

Okay, sure thing, D. Could you please get out of my personal space now? Throwing up out of sheer terror was not on my to-do list for the day.

I slowly nodded, eyes wide.

“Good, now that this has been established, why don’t we play a game?”

No way in hell!

“I’m listening… hesitantly.” I gulped down, trying not to be mind read again, but alas, I was not a psychic in the first place.

“Oh, you kidder you.” He laughed in my face. “Did you know you are very much to my liking?”

This was getting incredibly awkward...

“Yes, you make me want to be nice.” Redeeming him through love? I remembered reading a fanfic of that once and I shuddered. Never again. “So much that I will actually grant your wish.”

“W-what wish?” Did I say something like that? Oh sweet hot-dog, did I say anything that could be interpreted as a wish by Discord?!

“Why, to go to Equestria, of course!” He said as if it was painfully obvious.

“I… I don-”

“Tut tut tut.” He waved a single finge- claw at me. “You wished to escape your problems when you started watching those videos, don’t deny it.”

I blinked, stunned.

“Well, here is the destination: Equestria.” He suddenly grabbed me, making me squeak, and pointed to the horizon (aka, the wall). “Imagine. The land of ponies, where friendship is magic. No car that breaks down when you really need it. No teacher with stupidly strict rules. No heartless girls to break your heart. Not even this cold weather that costs you a fortune in heating every year.”

Holy crap, that sounded like my kind of place... well, of course, I already knew all that about Equestria, but it was music to my ears.

Still.

“What’s the catch?” Other than me getting stuck there when I did not even truly want to go in the first place.

“It will be a game, my boy.” Discord grinned. “I am terribly bored in that statue, so I need a little distraction.”

'And I get to be the chew toy. Hurray!' I thought.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you. After all, it would be a great service you’d do for me.”

“Hum…” How to turn him down without being horribly punished? Come on, this was Discord! He was bound to make it all a living hell if I refused! "You see..."

“Great! Here are the rules: I will send you to Equestria, free of charge. You will wake up at any time of the day, in pony form – and that’s a bonus I did not throw in for the last guy –, with a twist to your situation, all of that to my choice.”

“HELL NO!” I screamed, before slapping my hands on my mouth and rapidly becoming pale as a corpse.

To my shock, Discord simply rolled his eyes while shrugging off my insolence. “In return, you will be able to cancel the whole deal every time, by crying ‘Uncle!’ out loud. If you do, you will be sent back to this world until the next time you fall asleep.”

My brain stopped functioning.

He was giving me a way out?

“The game will last a maximum of ten rounds. Each round ends when you give up or I get bored and leave you alone.” I certainly wouldn’t be counting on that during the game… “If you don’t give up, then you can continue to live in Equestria forever in the life you got.”

I eyed him suspiciously. “You won’t… kill me, right?”

“Oh please.” He shook his head like I was talking nonsense. “Killing? Where is the fun in that? No, I will not provoke your death and if you do find yourself in a lethal situation, you can always give up for that round. Do we have a deal?”

Frankly, I’d love to say “no” and the bastard knew it since he was reading my mind. If so, he also was aware that I would not refuse out of fear of what he might do to me.

However, what really bothered me was that he probably knew that I thought he had a point earlier. I really wanted an out on my life now that it was spiraling out of control. Equestria? A place where love and friendship are forces of nature? That sounded like the kind of place I really needed to be.

Glancing around my small, mediocre, bedroom, I did not find anything really worthwhile, except maybe Giantonio, but that fatass was still unconscious, so he had no right to speak up. I guessed there was my computer screen, with all the entertainment that it provided me with, but that simply served to convince me more. Instead of dreaming about that kind of stuff, I had a chance to live it.

Ten shots at finding my dream life in Equestria? Those weren’t bad odds to me.

“…Yeah. I guess we do.”

Oh Celestia (better get used to local customs fast), I just made a deal with Discord.

What could possibly go right?

For starters, Discord’s creepy triumphant laugh did not help. “Splendid! I’ll see you soon then, dear boy.”

Under my feet, I started to feel a tremor, growing stronger and stronger by the seconds. Very quickly, my whole apartment started shaking and Giantonio jumped five feet in the air before going through the window.

“I hope you’ll enjoy Equestria. For bronies like you, it is just perfect, but do try not to lose your head!”

Why did that sound like a bad pun?

And why was the earthquake still ongoing?

I heard a mighty crack form, via an impossibly loud and sinister noise of pressure breaking through. My heart beating at an hundred miles per hour, I dared not look, but I still knew where it was coming from.

The ceiling gave in and I was submerged under the debris.

Everything turned black.

So, there, that’s what happened. At the moment, I was trying to digest the whole thing and blink fast enough to see something. The searing pain in my eyes couldn’t be a coincidence. It reminded me of the sensation of getting a bright source of light in your face after walking in the darkness for hours.

I shrugged. I’d better try to see if Discord had honored his words, at least.

I couldn’t move very well (what was up with that?), but I did feel the weirdest sensation at the back of my tailbone and even in the middle of my back. I had an inkling of an idea what that could be, but let’s not be hasty.

My brain did not figure out right away how to move my new tail or wings, I’ll admit it, but it happened eventually. I did not get to do much with my wings though. For some reason, they were strapped to my back.

I could not help a grin. I was a pegasus! I’d be able to fly! That game sure started to sound really awesome to me now.

“-and thus, verdict has been given!” Said a pony I recognized easily.

Who wouldn’t recognize the Royal Canterlot Voice? No brony couldn’t not know it.

So, Luna, pegasus… could this round turn out any sweeter?

Well, apparently, it could. There were now cheers from a crowd, and, unless my egomania was acting up again, they were directed at me!

“Silence!” Luna demanded, with what I imagined was a very intimidating glare. “The prisoner will now be allowed to speak.”

Wait… prisoner?

‘That’s my cue, boy.’ Discord's voice rang to my ears, followed by a snap of fingers… claws.

Suddenly, my vision became very clear.

And my eyes widened in shock at the sight in front of me.

Holy crap… holy saint hot-dog!

I could not move due to magical restraints. My (red) wings were not only strapped, but chained to a steel door. Princess Luna was indeed close to me, but she looked positively murderous, as did the crowd that had been cheering.

The realization hit even harder when the Princess of the Night addressed me with a very severe tone.

“For the most heinous crimes ever perpetrated in Equestria, you, RipperJack, has been condemned to exile, TO THE SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!”

Even over the sound of my ears ringing, I could hear Discord’s snickering in the background.

“OH HAHA! GET YOUR MEME RIGHT!” I shouted at him… and the rest of the world.

I’ll admit, my response must have been really out of place to anyone but me and that damn draconequus.

Still, the regal alicorn regained her composure very quickly and her coldness returned to give me shivers.

“Do you have any last words?”

That sneaky son of a…

“Yeah…” I grumbled. “Uncle!”

“GAH!” I screamed, jolting out of bed.

Two legs, two arms and opposable thumbs; I was human again. Good. Now, I could freak out.

I breathed heavily, feeling just like I had gone through a marathon with boulders chained to my legs. The world was spinning and gave no indication it would stop anytime soon. I felt a little ill actually.

Time passed and I slowly got better, but the lingering nausea remained a dangerous foe I could succumb to at any second. Finally able to think a bit more clearly, I sank down into a sitting position.

At the moment, I was focusing my frustration toward Discord.

“Well played, D. Well played.” I commented.

I had not even gotten the chance to use my new body. I had not even last a minute in this sick game… and he said he had gone easy on me.

Ten chances did not sound like good odds at all…