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WEIRDER THAN NORMAL — NORMAL? NOW *THAT'S* WEIRD!

by Kevin Lee

Chapter 14: DefCon One!

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Trevar pretended to gingerly walking on the cloud surface as they exited the special chamber. With Panthera's tractor beam holding him in place, he made a good show of "walking", obviously much to the alicorn's consternation. Panthera had telepathically passed to Trevar that she could detect some sort of field about Lieutenant Scott, as well as the Equestrians, that was allowing them all to actually stand on the insubstantial surface of the cloud. But for some unknown reason, when the field was applied to Trevar, it did not remain on him.

Panthera, of course, had no need of such a field herself, as she had her built-in antigrav systems. Between the two telepathically coordinating their actions and Panthera supplying an invisible means by which to pull them off, they were able to impress upon the Equestrians and Lieutenant Scott that Trevar and the shadowcats had their own brand of "magic" that at least was compatible with each other.

The four of them verbally engaged in small talk as they walked out to where the chariot and the pegasi pullers waited. As they did so, Trevar and Panthera conducted a separate telepathic conversation. Over the years, the pattern had forced Trevar to keep his mind very flexible by multitasking several activities at once.

"I couldn't help but notice the architecture used in your world," Trevar commented. "This city, so much of it is strikingly similar to our Greco-Roman style used a couple thousand years ago. And that village where we dropped off your friends, it's too much like our Central European Medieval towns from almost a thousand years past. That castle overlooking it was like nothing I've ever seen before, but that damaged castle was also so similar to some left over on my world, it's almost spooky in the parallels."

'So, Panthera. Any idea how Celestia and these other creatures are pulling off these tricks?' Trevar asked.

"Agreed," Lieutenant Scott said. "Not to mention, we have legends of creatures so much like your people here. Unicorns and pegasi, but I don't know if you use those terms here."

'There do seem to be those strange particles that's at the heart of their abilities,' Panthera responded.

"We do,"/"They do," Celestia and Trevar both answered simultaneously. They started and blinked at each other before laughing.

"I'm sorry, I had already asked that of the purple one," Trevar quickly said. "Twilight Sparkler?"

'The field Celestia applied to you and Scott is still going strong on her,' Panthera said.

"Twilight Sparkle," Celestia corrected. "Yes. Pegasi, unicorns, and earth ponies."

'So why did it fail for me?' Trevar asked.

"And alicorns, like yourself," Trevar added. "However, there's nothing in our legends of your kind. But all these similarities make me wonder if there must have been linkages between our planets in the past."

'Unknown at this time,' Panthera replied. 'The field did adhere to you until you stepped off the chariot. There was a moment it held you, but then—you seemed to—just slip right out of it. I did notice that the times the other creatures used their powers on me, there was a slight force to overcome.'

"I highly doubt that," Scott said.

"Oh? Why's that?" Trevar asked.

'So what's the deal with the lighting?' he asked.

"Well, for one, Earth had no such technology to allow transport between our worlds until now," she pointed out. "Granted, the parallels are striking, but they're more likely just coincidental. Greco-Roman columns aren't that hard to invent and would be a logical result of any primitive culture building temples that tall. There are pyramids in both Egypt and Central America, but you find nothing else from those cultures, like obelisks in each other's areas. And there's more similarity between Cambodia and Central America in style than between China and Cambodia."

'Nearest I can surmise is the power is channeled through their horns,' Panthera explained. 'The glow is similar to Cherenkov radiation as the particles break down and transform into other force carriers, at both their horns and their targets.'

"The Greeks got some of it from the Egyptians and some from Persia," Trevar countered. "But you find nothing like them in India, Cambodia, or China.

'A Cherenkov glow while in the air?' Trevar asked astonished. 'Uh—Thatdoesn't sound healthy!'

"But between Earth and here?" he asked.

'I said "similar"!' Panthera snarled. 'There's no hard radiation that I can detect. And the glow, itself, is the result of trillion of trillions of those particles getting converted. They're not exceeding air light speed refraction velocity!'

"I'm afraid to inform you, Lieutenant Scott, but Mr. Trevar is correct," Celestia finally stepped in. "There has been substantial contact between Equestria and Earth in the ancient past. We do have the technology to transverse to other worlds."

'"Trillions and trillions!" Burn them, Mr. Sagan!' Trevar snorted.

"H-h-how?" Scott asked astonished.

'Trillions and trillions!' Panthera sent, in Carl Sagan's voice.

"Magic," Celestia replied.

'Burn them all!' Trevar cheered.

"B-b-but there's no such—" then she had to stop, stunned by what she was doing.

'She just DID NOT start to say that!' Panthera exclaimed, looking back at Scott.

"'Any sufficiently advanced technology,' Lieutenant," Trevar said, smirking. "You are walking on a cloud, you know."


When they exited the city gates, Trevar and Panthera were surprised to see a couple of griffons standing nearby.

"Ah! Ambassador! So good to see you again," Celestia fondly greeted the party. "Are you enjoying your visit to Cloudsdale?" Both griffons politely bowed their heads to Celestia, not anywhere nearly the prostration that had been demonstrated by Twilight's five friends when the diarchs had arrived at the ruins, but a polite acknowledgement nonetheless. It indicated a greater equivalence of authority between them. If his title was "ambassador", then that indicated that Celestia was one ruler among several on this planet, and the griffons were another major power on this planet.

It was the larger griffon who replied to Celestia's question.

"Indeed we are, Princess," the lead griffon responded. "Impressive as always." Then the creatures both caught sight of the rest of the party and their eyes got big.

"Is—is—is that a shadowcat?" the griffon ambassador whispered in awe.

"Indeed she is," Celestia replied. "Panthera, this is Ambassador Gustav, of the Griffon Empire," she said by way of introduction. "Panthera and her brother, Pardus, were found at my old castle. She accompanied us here to Cloudsdale where we had brought one of our pegasi who was injured fighting the storm over the Everfree."

"It-it is an honor!" Gustav said in awe, as both griffons bowed low to Panthera.

'Nice to be appreciated!' Panthera sent to Trevar, who snorted in amusement. The griffons both looked sharply at him for the noise.

"And these are two humans, who are recent arrivals to Equestria," Celestia continued, but the griffons clearly didn't want to have anything to do with them.

"A pair of monkeys?" Gustav darkly muttered, but loud enough for everyone to hear, and Celestia evidently was stunned by the remark.

"So, you've heard of our kind?" Panthera asked.

"As one of our progenitor species, of course! To see one such as yourself, Lady Panthera, it is a great honor!" Gustav reverently responded. "And Celestia said there are two of you about? Please forgive any intrusion into your business, but may we inquire as to your brother?"

"Oh, he's floating about, taking measurements," Panthera replied with a bemused smile. "There was something of an odd matter that caught his attention and he wanted to investigate it. He'll be back when he's finished. I'll be sure to let him know you inquired about him."

"Oh, thank you!" Gustav exclaimed. "You both can find us at the Griffon Embassy in Canterlot. I would be most honored to be your host."

"Delighted, I'm sure," Panthera responded. She glanced up at Trevar. "I think it is time for us to be going, though. Pleasant meeting you," she said as parting to the griffons.

"Nice meeting you," Lieutenant Scott tossed in as a parting, to which the griffons both growled. Their attitude clearly disappointed Scott. Celestia, too, for that matter.

"I guess he doesn't like primates," Trevar muttered to Scott with a shrug as he climbed up onto the chariot. "Not that I can blame them." The griffons both suddenly gasped. Puzzled, Trevar looked back at them to see them rushing up.

"What did you say?" Gustav demanded.

"Nothing derogatory against you," Trevar replied as Panthera smoothly positioned herself to intervene if necessary. "I was telling Lieutenant Scott I can't blame you for not liking primates. They're such royal shits."

Everyone was shocked to see the Ambassador and his aid suddenly deeply prostrate themselves to Trevar.

"Pl-pl-please forgive us!" Gustav exclaimed. "I—we had no idea that it was YOU!"

"Whu—?" Trevar exclaimed in utter confusion. He glanced at Celestia, hoping she could provide some answer, but she looked like a deer in stuck in the headlights staring at the scene.

"Please forgive us! We didn't know!" Gustav begged. "This is truly a miraculous day! First the shadowcats—and then—YOU!"

"…"

'Da'fuq just happened?' Trevar finally sent to Panthera. She looked back at him and shrugged. He looked about, first at Scott, who was flabbergasted. Then at the pegasi guards hitched to the chariot, and they were staring widely over their shoulders of the spectacle the Griffon ambassador was displaying. Finally, he looked to Celestia again, and she was just standing there, blinking. 'I swear there's gotta be a fucking camera hidden somewhere,' Trevar sent. Panthera quickly looked about for a few moments

'None that I can detect!' she responded.

"Uh—Ambassador?" Trevar finally ventured, dreading the likely error in diplomacy that was about to happen when he asked his question. "Uh—may I ask—what am I—supposed to be—forgiving you for?"

"Please, forgive us! We had no idea it was YOU!" was all the Griffon was going to tell him, evidently.

"Oookaaay—you're happy I'm me," Trevar muttered. Then added after nervously swallowing, "So, who am I?"

"Please, you and Lady Panthera both must come with me directly to the embassy and we will notify my liege of your arrival!" Gustav said, looking up from his prostration with an endearing expression that was starting to make Trevar nervous.

"Say what? You can't be serious!" Scott suddenly exclaimed at Gustav. "You pulled some sort of Jedi mind trick on him, didn't you?" she yelled at Trevar. "Celestia! It's clear that probation's not sufficient for this terrorist! You must put him in a maximum security cell, immediately!"

"WHAT?!?" both Griffons suddenly screamed. Gustav reared up and glared at Celestia, then at Scott.

"EXPLAIN YOURSELF!" Gustav's assistant roared at the Lieutenant.

"This man is a terrorist!" Scott spat.

"Lieutenant! I don't think you'd better get involved!" Trevar tried to warn her, but she raised her voice to make herself heard.

"I just got through getting this horse queen to at least keep Mister Trevar under watch! He should be in jail! The best I could do was get him put on probation!" The ambassador whirled about at Scott and back on Celestia.

"What is this about putting HIM'on probation'? Treating HIM like a common criminal?!?" Gustav demanded.

'A-a-a-and nowwe'reatDefConTwo!' Panthera quickly sent, rolling her eyes.

"Ambassador Gustav," Celestia cautiously began, no doubt still trying to figure out how things just went to shit between eye blinks, "I'm not sure who you think this human stallion is, but…."

"I know exactly who he is, Celestia!" Gustav angrily yelled. "If he's not treated with the respect he deserves, THEN WE ARE AT WAR!"

Then Gustav glanced back over his shoulder and barked, "Razor!" At that, the other griffon reared up and bodily snatched Trevar from the chariot.

"NO!NO!NO!NO! DON'T DO—" Panthera screamed at the creature.

"Climb aboard my back and we'll fly you to safety," the female griffon quickly said to Trevar as she set him on the cloud beside her. And the griffon was blinking when the human inexplicably vanished.

"SHI-I-I-I-I-i-i-i-i-i-i—!" they could all hear him scream, the volume quickly fading.

"…*sigh*…that," Panthera muttered in defeat. The griffon had set him down on the far side from her where her tractor beam couldn't reach him without involving the creature.

All the native creatures looked stunned. Quickly recovering, Gustav whirled back on Celestia.

"CELESTIA, YOU BITCH!" he roared at her. Panthera missed the rest of their exchange as she flipped and dived through the cloud to fly after Trevar.


"If this shit keeps up, I'm going to develop a severe case of acrophobia," Trevar muttered after Panthera caught him and they flew back up to the floating city. Panthera snorted.

"Tell me about it! I can tell you're about to collapse," she said. "You weren't in much better shape the first time they dropped you!"

"Yeah, I've been fighting it as much as possible," Trevar sighed. "But getting dropped through that cloud—TWICE—is sure taking its toll on me. I really don't want to have to pop off the Gateway in front of everybody."

"Well, I'm pretty sure we're all at DefCom One by now," Panthera sighed. "You may end up having to do so before we get them calmed back down."

"Then we'd better get back up there before the missiles start flying," he growled. "We sure as hell didn't put all that effort into saving this planet just to watch it nuke itself into oblivion! And I haven't got a fucking clue as to WHAT's setting off these catbirds!"


They were still yelling at each other when they got back up to the landing area. The alicorn had her horn powered up, which was NOT a good sign and both griffons' eyes were showing red by now, trembling with rage. In addition, all that yelling evidently got the attention of some of the city's populace. Dozens of pegasi were arrayed up off to the side, many of them looking angry, many looking worried and confused. And some seemed to be having a hard time making up their mind which way to feel, Rainbow Dash evidently being one of the latter.

"Grab those three and hold them down!" Trevar whispered as he leapt off Panthera and let her keep up the simulation of him walking on the cloud surface.

Panthera grabbed Celestia, Gustav and the other griffon and pulled the two groups apart by a couple feet before his tractor beam slipped off the alicorn. It concerned him that she seemed to have an immunity to his power just as Trevar had to hers, but it was enough. The demonstration clearly surprised the Equestrian princess and she shot a glare at the shadowcat. It also got the roaring griffons' attention, and they paused to see Trevar interpose himself between them and the tall mare.

"ALRIGHT! THAT IS ENOUGH!" Trevar suddenly roared at Gustav, nearly as loud as the griffons had just a moment ago.

"I don't know who you think I am, but you were just bowing like I'm pretty high ranking just a moment ago, so let's work with that, shall we?" Trevar sternly yelled.

"So, if I'm so fucking high ranking, I'm telling you right the fuck now, THERE'S NOT GOING TO BE A FUCKING WAR OVER ME!" he finished, glaring at Gustav. The griffons both blinked in surprise, and evidently remembered their own reasons for doing so to him. It was still a shock to Trevar when his "bluff" worked and both griffons again deeply bowed to him. 'I am SO going to have to figure out what this is all about!' he sent.

Trevar looked back questioningly at Celestia, and she gave him a look of gratitude, and was evidently just as perplexed as he. The ready aura about her horn faded.

"P-pl-please forgive us!" Gustav stammered.

'Oh, here we go again,' Panthera sighed.

"Ambassador Gustav!" a voice from the crowd called out. Trevar looked to see the blue pegasus, Rainbow Dash, rushing up.

"Please! Y-y-you can't go to war!" she pleaded. "You and Princess Celestia have been—you guys have been friends for—for—for longer than I can remember! Gilda 'n I—we grew up together!"

"This doesn't concern you, Rainbow Dash," Gustav muttered, glancing up at her. "It's something you wouldn't understand."

"Well, no! I sure don't understand!" she yelled. "But it does concern me! I mean—if we hafta go to war, I hafta to be one of those fightin' it! And so will Gilda!"

"Well, I don't understand it, either. But fuck it! I'm not going to forgive anyone anything if you insist on going to war over me!" Trevar growled. The griffons seemed shocked when he said that.

"We-we're sorry! The insult that Celestia delivered to you just made us so angry! We only reacted for you, Lord!" Gustav finally whimpered. "Please! Come back to the Embassy! We'll get you safely to the Griffon Empire! We will be sure to treat you with the dignity and respect you deserve."

'"Lord"? They think I'm the Second Coming?' Trevar asked.

'Man, are they going to be disappointed!' Panthera shot back, to which Trevar snorted.

"I—uh—appreciate the offer," Trevar stammered, desperately still trying to figure out just what was going on. "Unfortunately, there's a number of problems with that. There is Lieutenant Scott, for one. I'm responsible for her being here, and I've an obligation to see to her safety—at least for the time she has left. Also, I'm not from this planet. There's a rescue ship coming for me and it'll be picking me up about the time when she will be dying from the injuries she has suffered."

"But for you to be under 'probation' while staying with Celestia? That is unacceptable!" Gustav protested, rising up to face Trevar, his face pleading with him. "As much as the monkey is detestable to us, if it is of value to you, then of course we have no objection with letting it accompany you."

"Well, there's a problem with that as well," Trevar said, wincing. "Lieutenant Scott has committed a pretty serious crime against your world, to which Celestia has agreed to keep her under probationary status. So she has to stay in Celestia's custody. On the same vein, I'm a bit of a criminal on my own world and Celestia was just having me under the same status due to the security risk to your world. I'm willing to abide by her concerns and stay at her castle."

"No! That's unacceptable!" Gustav exclaimed. "You should be treated with dignity and respect for while you're here! Come with us to the Griffon Empire! Please! And you'll be safer in our custody than in Canterlot Castle."

"Are we going to go through this again?" Trevar sighed. 'Panthera, can you pull a ventriloquism stunt on Celestia? Ask her in my voice, "Help me out!" when I turn to her.'

"How about—I don't know—maybe something of a neutral ground?" Trevar asked Gustav. "Somewhere Celestia will feel comfortable about my restrictions and where you can also come and visit?" Trevar turned about and gave the alicorn a pleading look, and her ears swiveled wildly at the voice whispered into them. He turned back to Gustav, and rubbed the bridge of his nose for the migraine this was giving him.

"NO! NO! NO! You must not have restrictions on your movements!" Gustav insisted. "The honor of the Griffon Empire is at stake! We demand you be granted full diplomatic status to all the nations of Equus for while you're here!"

"Perhaps—perhaps a compromise?" Celestia suggested, speaking up. "Not probation, but—an escort—strictly to insure his safety."

'Send her "THANK YOU!"' Trevar exclaimed as he suddenly straightened up. He heard her snort in reaction to what she heard.

"And—and perhaps—someplace a little more open than either the Castle or your Embassy," she continued. I can have him reside in Ponyville. Lieutenant Scott, however, must be put in maximum confinement."

"That's acceptable!" Gustav replied, clearly liking how things are going.

"Wh-what!?" Scott exclaimed. "I—I'm not the terrorist! He is!"

'Oh, we're back to this?' Trevar sighed.

"Is that really necessary, Princess Celestia?" Trevar asked, now turning toward her.

"It is clear that Lieutenant Scott is not so 'harmless', as you had argued," Celestia sternly told him. "Her words nearly sparked a new conflict with the Griffon Empire. The last one was fought with substantial loss of life on both sides. We must never have another war like that again!"

"Well, there's not going to be a war—" Trevar began, but he was interrupted.

"As HE stated, the monkey belongs to him," Gustav growled.

'Oh, great,' Trevar sent, rolling his eyes.

"Therefore, the monkey must stay with him!" the ambassador continued. "Although, you can throw it in the local jail in Ponyville, if that is acceptable to you."

"Probation?" Trevar pleaded once more. Celestia took the time to think about it but before she opened her mouth, Trevar jumped in with one last gamble. "So the bitch has a big mouth, I'll grant you. But bitches bark. It's what they do. She's harmless. Really!"

"Very well," Celestia said with a sigh after several more moments to think about it. "Probation at Ponyville, same restrictions as we had discussed earlier."

"You're still letting him get away with this?" Scott yelled. "Princesses Celestia! He's had to of used some sort of mental influence on the Griffon Ambassador! Please! You can't let him run around lose!"

Trevar closed his eyes in pain. 'So close! So fucking close! But, still, some folks have to be so fucking stubborn, they won't compromise an inch!' he sent to Panthera.

"Are you a spy sent here to mess everythin' up?" Rainbow Dash belligerently demanded, swooping to hover in front of the Lieutenant. "You'd better shut yer trap b'fore you cause any more damage!"

"Please tell me: what is your fucking glitch, Lieutenant?" Trevar yelled at Scott, spinning on her, joining the azure pegasus in criticizing her. "I just got through shutting down a serious violation of physics that you created which was going to make a mess out of a whole hell of a lot of people's day, and I did so without getting anyone fucking killed! Yet you seem so obsessed over the fact that I have some extracurricular activities like trashing a few meth labs and saving the taxpayers a few bucks for their trials!

"We're stuck in a nation where the two ruling bitches routinely move the fucking sun and fucking moon! And here you are, hell-bent on starting a war between them and another major power on this planet simply because you've got a problem with my night jobs? Don't forget, I also just got through talking her out of tossing your ass into the slammer…TWICE!" he yelled, holding up a couple of fingers. "Seriously, Lieutenant, you've got some major appreciation issues! I don't know what your problem is, but the NEXT time they're wantin' to chop off your head, I'm gonna let 'em!" Trevar finished.

Then he staggered away; the stress of fighting his acrophobia as well as defusing a potentially disastrous internecine war was finally catching up with him.

"With yours and Panthera's permission, I'm going to ride with her," Trevar said to Celestia as he walked toward Panthera. "I find I'm really not much caring for the company that I'd have riding in the chariot."

"Of course," Celestia gratefully murmured.

"Dude! You don' look so good!" Rainbow Dash suddenly shouting out was the last thing that Trevar heard.

Next Chapter: WHAT IS DISCORD AFRAID OF? Estimated time remaining: 14 Hours, 9 Minutes
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WEIRDER THAN NORMAL — NORMAL? NOW *THAT'S* WEIRD!

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