BEGIN REPORT:

Forced Data Log for Equine Interactions Started: ???/???/??????

ERROR 00004 - Cannot retrieve date, system corrupted.

Log 1: Attempted pseudocode for decision tree I

IF (purple_equine == talks)

IF (Monitor.communication(fun.talk) == TRUE)

Abort.Systems

END

IF(Monitor.communication(sad.talk) == TRUE)

Abort.Systems

END

IF(Monitor.communication(everything.else) == TRUE)

Stay.Silent

END

Abort.Communication
END

System crashed in 0.0000000000032 second(s).

----

NB: Communication log is priority after multiple failure attempts. Please review.

----

Trial 1: FAILURE OF INTRODUCTION TO ELICIT STANDARD COMPLEMENTARY RESPONSE (See Trial 2)

Trial 2: FAILURE OF COMPLEMENTARY FORCED RESPONSE (See Trial 3)

Trial 3: FAILURE OF HUMOUR (See Trial 4)

Trial 4: FAILURE OF SUBJECT TO EXPRESS REPLY FOR HUMOUR, FORCED CONCLUSION MISSION FAILURE (See Trial 5)

Trial 5: FAILURE TO HEED CONVERSATIONAL TIMING, DIGITAL TIMING NOT PRECISE ENOUGH FOR ORGANIC CONVERSATION. (cont. Trial 6)

Trial 6: SIGNS OF FRUSTRATION FROM SUBJECT EVEN THOUGH DIGITAL TIMING HAS FLOATING-POINT ACCURACY

Conclusions:

Communications with organic lifeforms impossible. Caution, recommend drastic decrease in CPU allocation or overheating likelihood will rise to 120% in two minutes.

END REPORT.

Author's Notes:

Resistance is futile.