Chapter Nine
You Don’t Have to Put on the Red Light...

We hailed a steam cab, and Moonlight looked away red faced and embarrassed as I told the cabbie our destination.

“Did we HAVE to take a cab?” She whispered harshly to me.

“Yes we did.” I whispered back, “The public bus lines don’t run into that part of town. It makes me think that Luna feels the same way as you do about our ‘red light’ district. Either that or she would go broke from all the free transportation there and back ponies would be making all night long.” I add in amusement.

If Moonlight blushed much more I believe it might become permanent. She seems to have a real problem with the idea of ponies paying for ‘companionship’.

Personally I file it under the ‘live and let live’, part of my mind, right next to the part that says ‘if they aren’t hurting anyone, it’s none of my business’. It’s a dark city. A permanently dark city. A pony alone in the daytime will find all kinds of way to distract themselves. A pony alone in the night, every night, when even their ‘days’ are nights? You get lonely. A lot.

I myself live alone. But I’m seldom lonely. There are too many things to do, and not enough hours in the night to do them. My spare time is usually always full. But there are those rare occasions when I have nothing to do for an evening. These times can be pretty bad. Maybe you try to read, you listen to the ponaudio, you putter around doing all the chores you put off because they never actually HAVE to be done. And then, inevitably, you are caught up, and you sit there, alone, and think. The ‘Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul’ {shudder}. So yeah, I can easily understand why, at that point, a pony would plunk down his hard earned bits to spend an hour or two in the warm embrace of somepony else who will allow him to forget the ‘cold and empty dark’ for a time.

“Ah, it seems we are almost there.” I say, giving Moonlight a nudge.

Less than a block up ahead everything changes. A straight line of bright lights cuts directly across the upcoming road before us. On one side (the one we are currently on), the normal city streets and buildings with their neat and orderly constructions and billboards. Small pools of light from the street lights provide the only illumination. Ah, but looming up before us...

Suddenly we are through, and on the other side. I wince and shade my eyes, as I always do when I first arrive on this side of town. The few rare times I’ve had to teleport here, I’ve had to wear my old sunglasses from outside, or risk going glare blind.

Gradually my eyes begin to adjust. Beside me Moonlight seems to be recovering as well. Since I’ve been here before, I watch her face and all the expressions and emotions that play across it. First of course, is wide eyed shock. Every single individual building in the red light district has their own display of lights and colors, no two EVER repeating. Each one trying desperately to be the one to capture any potential customers that enter this part of town.

I watch as Moonlight’s expression goes from shock to amazement. Not only are there lights, but the architecture of many of the buildings has also been altered. The more tasteful ones resemble famous places and structures from across Equestria. The less tasteful ones resemble various parts of (mostly female), anatomy. The funny part, to me at least, is that pretty much anything goes. So let’s says you just plunked down a hefty sum to have your two story building made over to look like Celestia’s castle. Very tasteful little fantasy. Ah, but then your neighbor has his building redesigned to resemble Celestia’s plot. A somewhat less tasteful choice. Put them side by side? Pure hilarity. Architects in this part of the city must make a mint, what with all the constantly changing styles. All paid for of course by those beings that are only seeking somepony to love, if only for a brief time.

Finally Moonlight manages to speak.

“It looks like something Discord threw up.” She says, never taking her eyes off of the ever changing styles of buildings. “How can there be so MANY places for... um, the same thing.” She asks, not wanting to say what that ‘thing’ was.

“Well, for starters, it’s not really the same ‘thing’.” I say. “Only the first twenty or so we passed at the edge of the district are, what you might call, ‘general practitioners’. Most of the upscale places are specialty shops. Each one has their own theme, and all of the beings that work their tend to live their role.” I say, pointing out at a cement building that has been redone to resemble a Saddle Arabian tent. The name above the main entrance emblazoned in a hot pink neon reads ‘The Sultan’s Harem’. “That place for example, probably has some elaborate fantasy scenario about the customer having his way with the harem of the sultan of Saddle Arabia. I’m sure that there are Bactrians, and Dromedaries as part of their staff to make the experience more ‘authentic’.

She pulls a face before recovering.

“I am aware that some ponies have um, ‘relations’ outside of their species. But it’s never been anything I personally have ever had any interest in.” She says, trying to process all the different types of architecture we are passing while this new thought plays across her mind.

It doesn’t help that half of the names clamoring for her attention are basically bad jokes. We pass the ‘Dog Pound’, and she gives a little shudder, the ‘Shepard’s Crook’, and she just shakes her head, then a sci-fi themed building where the designer thought it would be a good idea to have what looked like several different vehicles (and I use the term loosely), crashing into it from all angles, ‘Time Traveler’s Strictly Cash’. I counted two different upright boxes of some sort, a sleek looking metal steam car, a beautiful representation in brass of H.G. Welara’s ‘Time Machine’, and what looks like a huge red metal bone with the words ‘Crimson Dwarf’ in white stencil on its side. At this, Moonlight just cracks up.

“Oh those poor poor ponies that have to work there!” She exclaims between laughs.

“Hey, any pony, or other being, working there are doing so by choice. Every last one of them are probably sci-fi fans. After all, if you don’t enjoy your ‘part’, you won’t be able to pull it off convincingly.” I say, as my own attention is drawn to a squat black building with none of the fancy lighting surrounding it. I just make out the name as we speed by, the ‘Shadow Conspiracy’. Ah, that might be worth remembering...

“Hey,” Moonlight says, not so lightly punching my shoulder. “Mind on the job, mister.”

“Says the pony who looks like she’s going to her first carnival.” I retort, causing the redness to return to her cheeks.

“Look, I just want to get there, take care of this business with Miss Tart, and get out as quickly as possible.” She says in irritation.

“Well, some ponies are like that, in and out as quickly as you can, no time for pillow talk... seems a bit cold if you ask me though,” I say, earning a much harder punch.

“Look Johnny, this will all go much easier if we can just skip your innuendo.” She snarks.

“Right. Gotcha. No ‘in-your-end-oh!’, you can count on me.” I say adopting a perfectly blank muzzle.

Before she can start an all out brawl the cab pulls up in front of our destination. We step out and I pay the cabbie, and then I trot up beside Moonlight and together we look at the spectacle before us. Out of all the grand and gaudy buildings we have passed, this is by far, the grandest and the gaudiest. What would normally be an imposing looking three story edifice, complete with towers at each of the four corners, and beautiful flying buttresses (it’s architecture, remove thy mind form the gutter{sheesh}, some ponies), instead now looked like something off of that ponvideo viewer we saw back at Night Industries. But instead of a screen, the entire outer facade of the building changed every minute or so, displaying just about every erotic enticement I have ever heard of, and several I most definitely have not.

On top of the building, in huge blue neon letters was the name, ‘House of Dreams’. By the sky stallion, if just the building was this impressive, Cherry Tart must be one of the wealthiest ponies in Whinnyappelous.

“This is...” Moonlight begins, but trails off at a loss for words.

“Incredible? Amazing? Spectacular?” I prompt.

“Scandalous!” She finally says. “To use one’s architecture to put on such a shameful display.” She says gesturing at the building in question wildly with her hoof. “Look, just look at that one. What can she possibly intend to do with a jar of mayonnaise and a garden rake?” A moment later we found out. “Oh by the goddess! Burn it with fire!” She says looking down at the cobblestones under her hooves. “I cannot unsee that.” She says rubbing the bridge of her nose with her hoof. “Just guide me inside, I don’t intend to glace upwards until we are through the front door.”

I do as she asked, all the while thinking that of the outer walls were like this, then I can only imagine what we were likely to see INSIDE the building, but once inside it was I that was in for a shock.

The lobby we trotted into looked like the inside of a five star hotel. Tasteful furniture, a fountain, an open bar, plenty of comfortable seating, and carpet so plush my hooves had already fallen in love and were filing separation papers.

For a moment I thought that Moonlight had teleported us into another building out of sheer embarrassment. We trotted up to the counter, which did look exactly like that of a five star hotel. It was then that Moonlight stopped moving, staring at the receptionist. It was Luna.

“W-what?” She stammered.

“Hello,” She said, smiling warmly. “And welcome to the House of Dreams. Judging by your companion’s reaction, I assume that this is your first visit. I can assure you that it won’t be your last.

Here at the House of Dreams, we specialize in ‘you’. Anything you can imagine, any secret fantasy deep within your heart, any dream you always yearned to be real, we here can, and will, provide. If you’ll just take a moment to fill out this questionnaire, and health information, one of our specialists will be with shortly to discuss the details of your dream come true.” She says, proffering a rather lengthy questionnaire, which I take out of reflex.

Much as I want to inquire further, I reluctantly remind myself that I have a job to do first. Almost regretfully I pull out my ID, and Luna’s writ, and I present them to... well... Luna.

“As much as I really want to take you up on your offer, both my companion and myself are her on business for the crown. We need to speak to Miss Cherry Tart as soon as possible.”

‘Luna’ examines the proffered documents, her eyes going wide.

“A-are we in trouble?” she asks, her voice beginning to rise. “I told them that posing as Luna was going too far, but they insisted. I mean I always did a much better Twilight.” She says as her form blurs, and before us now stands Twilight Sparkle.

“Changeling.” Both Moonlight and myself say simultaneously.

Oh sweet Zacherle, out of all the ponies she could turn into, she just had to pick Twilight... And she was right, she was perfect in every detail. The hair, those eyes. Eyes that were looking at me imploringly, and not filled with hate or revulsion. It made my heart hurt.

“Please, could you become somepony else?” I asked, “anypony else?”

Her shape blurs, and now I am facing myself. I see that face in the mirror enough to recognize it, but I can’t say I’ve ever seen it eyes wide in fear before.

“Please mister, I was just trying to make a living, they told me it was fine-” she says desperately, before I cut her off.

“Just calm down... um... lady?” I say, raising a hoof. “Nobodies in trouble. We aren’t here for anything like that. We just need to speak to Miss Tart about a friend of hers. To my knowledge, it has nothing to do with your... ‘business’.”

She let’s out a deep breath. “Whew, gotta admit, you had me a bit worried there. I’m sorry, I’m fresh out of the hive, still getting used to all the rules. I’ll go speak to Miss Tart right now. Please, make yourselves at home, have a drink, or something from the buffet, I’ll be back as quick as I can.” She says before hurrying off.

I notice Moonlight staring at her retreating figure, still clad in my body. “See anything you like?” I ask deadpan.

“Well Johnny, I hate to see you leave, but I do like watching you trot away.” She says with a smirk.

It was my turn to become red faced. “R-really now? Did that just come out of Miss Modesty?” I say, trying to cover my blush.

“This place must be getting to me.” She mutters back. “Let’s go find us a drink, I suddenly feel that I need one... possibly two.”

“Agreed. Although I should probably stop at one, I’m already seeing double.” This earns me yet another smack from Miss Shadow...