"So...where are you dragging me?" I hissed, slung across Darcy's back like a dufflebag. "Do I at least get to know?" I looked around, the town blurring together like the generic little village it was. "Ye olde' shoppe number seventy-six?"

Darcy shifted me around, her tanned arms wrapped around my leg and arm. "Don't be like that. Look, I'm sorry, but this was the least traumatic method." She took a turn, leaving me staring at the mare in the sweater. "Would you rather have me come and pick you up, or Pinkie Pie screaming in your face, welcoming you, saying hello to you." She laughed to herself. "The horrors of hello. That'd make a good book."

"I'll be sure to write it for you once I leave this backwater!" I huffed angrily and kicked my leg. "And you...little...bloody blonde git."

Misty smiled at me. "You're welcome! It's gonna be so much fun!" She pulled her wrists together and trotted in place. "So much food, fun, music."

I let out a meager sigh. My stomach felt like a small fishing weight plopped into my guts. "Oh geez...." I turned to face the road, unable to slam down the chirpy mare. "Sure...fun." I sighed loudly and went slack. "You know, Darcy, Misty, hospitality can be a bit of a burden. You two should let me host a party for you next time. Bloody...show you some gods damned Storm Sider hospitality...."

Darcy leaned back, making my stomach churn as she teased me with a drop. "I heard that--"

"Oh piss!" I grabbed Darcy's arms. "I- oh...soft." I rubbed her arm, the soft tanned skin smooth under my thumb, causing her to jerk forward. "Oi!"

Darcy's tail whipped around like mad. "Hey! What happened to being- like...no touch?"

I realized what she meant and pulled my arms away. "Sorry!"

Darcy's tail was going wild. "I'm gonna put you down, alright?!"

"Yeah-yeah-yeah, floor now." I felt myself slip of Darcy's back, my hooves clattering metallically against the ground. "Okay, yeah. No more carrying, okay."

Darcy whirled around with her tail in her hands. "Uh, yeah. Things got kinda weird." I watched her finger, twirling a strand of orange hair around her nail. "Sorry."

I brushed my hands off on my pants, the back pockets catching on my palms. "Uh, yep." I tucked my hands into my pocket. "...See, hospitality is weird."

Darcy let her tail whip back. "It's not that bad. I mean like...it's fine sleeping with family, right?"

I watched Misty twirl along the road. "What, like, in a tent? Yeah." I put my hands in my front pockets. "Listen, I'd sleep with you, just, you need to stop touching me! I'm barely more than a stranger to you!"

Darcy's face was stuck up in a staunch frown. "...You'd sleep with me?"

I stared at her. "You know what I meant. Don't play games."

Darcy put her hands up. "Fine, I didn't mean anything by it."

I shook my head. "I know, but you're far too comfortable touching strangers."

Darcy shrugged. "You're not really a stranger--"

"What's my favorite color?"

"White."

I stared at her. "... What's my shoe size?"

Darcy looked down at my hooves. "Four, six in mares."

"...  Shut up." I turned towards Misty, walking along just to avoid the odd conversation. "You farm people must have mind powers from being out in the sun too long."

Darcy walked up along side me. "Your hooves are normal sized, you're wearing a white scarf, and honestly I'm just trying to be friendly."

I grumbled angrily and kept my hooves moving. "Go spend a season in Storm Side, you act this friendly you'll end up pregnant and married by the end of the third month." I crossed my arms. "Just...stop touching me. If you want to drag me somewhere-- you know what!" I stomped my hooves, pulling Darcy sideways to face me. "If you want to touch me, wrist, arm, no hands, and above the belt!"

Darcy smiled at me. "Fine, same rules apply to me."

I extended my hand. "Perfect."

Darcy took my hand, giving it a firm squeeze. "Sure. And sorry, you should come down to Sweet Apple Acres, or the farmland, you'll see I'm really not trying to start something."

I sighed softly, rubbing my palm and turning back to the fine cobblestone walkway. "I might, you people apparently have the equipment I need." I rubbed the inner parts of my knuckles. "By the way, lotion?"

Darcy smiled at me. "It's nice right? Daddy bought it back when he went to Washington for a convention."

I nodded. "Wait, Earth? Gods...you know, I've heard so much about it, but I've never been."

Darcy put her hands in her pockets, her fingertips showing in the white offshoots of her shorts. "It's nothing super special." She pointed a finger from under her shorts. "Also, we're here."

I looked up, spotting a large square building with a modern wood shingle roof. "Oh, wow. Well, that's not what I was--"

Fweeeeeee

"Holy piss!" I jerked my leg up, and flung myself away, pushing Darcy's elbow away as I turned. "Fuck!" I felt my hoof slip out from under me, my other hoof jamming its metal shoe into the grooves in the cobblestone. "Oh god!"

A pink mare with a party favor in her mouth was standing, leant over, where I had stood. "Welcome, a happy happy welcome, from all of us to you!" The mare kept singing, her sugar scented mane bouncing in my face. Misty was joining in, her sweet voice stumbling behind the chipper pink mare's. I just stared, my legs twisted up from my near collapse. ".. From all of us to you--"

"Stop, stop, for the love of Luna, stop!" I put my hands out, the mare backing up slightly. "Please! Loud!"

The pink mare smiled at me, lowering her volume to a whisper. "Happy happy--"

"Volume wasn't the only issue!" I untwisted my legs and backed up. "Please...please, just...space, please."

Misty and the pink mare looked at each other. "Okay." The pink mare lowered her head, whispering with a heavy rasp. "Wait for you inside."

Misty walked up, shoving a cupcake into my hands. "Pinkie's parties are the best, but we'll wait inside."

Darcy laughed to herself. "See, that's why I got you. Imagine Pinkie coming for you like that, you would have imploded."

I looked down at the cupcake in my hand. Pale blue green, minty smell with a backing of pine sap. "Huh...." I looked over the sappy smelling treat. "Hmm, smells like a fir tree." I nipped a bit of green frosting and let it settle on my tongue. "...Hmm, frost berries...." I looked back down at the young style of treat. "Did someone tell her where I was from?"

Darcy walked over. "What?"

I turned the cupcake in my hand, working the ridges like a gear. "This smells like home in the spring time." I flexed my fingers around the treat. "She must have got the ingredients from the Arboretum... had to be." I held the treat in my palm. "Great...now I feel like a jackass."

Darcy looked down at my hand. "Smells like tree."

I took a deep breath, a rush of warmth darting across my skin. "Yeah, it does. Like cold days." I passed the cupcake to Darcy. "Try it."

Darcy looked me up and down. "That's not really right, it's you--"

I turned to her with a glare. "I said eat the cupcake...."

"Okay!" Darcy put her hand up, "Calm down." She brought the cupcake up and took a large bite. "Oh, wow."

"Good right?"

Darcy's face scrunched up, her cheeks turned up sharply into a steady smile. "Buck yeah! Why didn't you want to eat it?"

I shook my head and walked towards the door the mares had gone through. "Trying to control my diet, and guilt." I rubbed my hands together, sweaty. "Guilt is pretty bad." I pushed the door open, revealing a large lodge room, snooka table, couches, card tables. It screamed rec center, and sure enough it was sporting the massive amount of young mares and stallions, satyrs and ponies, humans and a single sphinx. "Whoa--"

A blonde girl with a vest and a handkerchief tied around her neck popped up before me and snatched up my hand. "Howdy, Cinnamon Cider!" She jerked my arm up and down like mad, her boyish grin bright as could be. "Glass, right?"

My elbow started to hurt as she worked my arm. "Yes, yes! Lords above, stop trying to rip my arm off!"

Cinnamon kept shaking my entire arm as a queue fromed up behind her. "Oh come on now, can't be that bad! If it is, you gotta come by the acres, we'll get you good to go, ripped and ready!"

"What? Ripped and read-- oh...bugger." My voice was sharp, more surprised than anything else. Cider lifted up her vest, showing off a sharp set of pale abs, well defined and tight. "Son of a bitch...."

Cider yanked her shirt down. "Yeah partner, telling you, you come out to the acres and we'll have you fit as a fiddle in a month!" She gave my arm one final pull, leaving me to waggle my joints and try and stem the burning. She put her hand on my shoulder. "Sorry ifin' I overdid it, good ta have you here."

"Ow, yeah...good to be here I suppose." I rubbed my joint, watching as the next in line showed up. A pony with a stern look on his face walked up. "Um, hello."

The pony looked me up and down. "Yep," he stuck his hoof out, "Clash."

I bopped his hoof with my fist. "Glass. Good to meet you?"

The pony nodded once and walked himself out of line. Another came and took his place just as fast. A purple pony with a blonde mane. "Hi there, Dinky Do, at your service." She pulled me into a quick hug. "Misty said you were a little weird. What's wrong, you don't like hugs?" She laughed softly.

I shook my head. "Not particularly, no. Wait- you know her?" I pointed to Misty, the mare in the sweater waiting off to the side of the line. "How?"

Dinky smiled at me. "Sister, and I know--"

I put my hand up. "Gonna stop you there, my brother is a full blood pony too." I let my hand fall. "It's weird, right?"

Dinky swayed her head left and right. "A little, but hey, family, right?"

"Right." I put my hand in my pocket, letting it hang at my side lightly. "Well, I'm glad my problem isn't overly unique."

Dinky smiled at me, sending a shiver up my spine with is sheer sincerity. "Hey, if you ever want to talk about it, Misty will let you know where we live."

I looked past the line, at the sweatered mare. "Um.... I think maybe that would send the wrong message." I rubbed my throat. "If you catch my meaning...."

Dinky looked back to Misty. "What? Oh- hmm, maybe? You should come over anyways, be nice to talk to someone from the old college."

I felt my ponytail tug. "Wait, you--"

Dinky smiled at me. "Graduated two years ago, majored in Botanical Thumology, plant magic."

I stared at the purple mare. "Dinky, I love you."

Dinky just smiled. "Cool, glad to be loved." She threw a hoof around me and gave me a quick squeeze. "You'll get used to Ponyville, give it some time." She patted my back with her hoof and broke off, leaving me to the next in line.

The blue haired kid from behind nodded at me, constantly. "Yo."

I looked the kid over, he wore an old guard uniform, tattered with time and use. "Techno, right?"

The kid smiled wide. "Yeah man, most people here are good with names, glad you are too."

"Hmm, we talked a few hours ago. I'm not that dense." I shoved him back a step, my hand landing against his chest. "...That was weird."

Techno frowned and nodded, his glasses bobbing up and down. "Trying to get into the swing?"

I flicked my wrists. "Everyone here is so touchy!" I rubbed my arms. "So, your sister next in line, gonna ask me about her birthday again?"

Techno scratched his head. "Goldie? No, too young." He looked over towards one of the food filled tables. "There's alcohol here--"

"What? Where!?" I reached out and grabbed him by the lapels. "Where!?" I started to shake him rather hard. "What do you know!? Tell me what you know!" I closed my eyes and let Techno's weight swing against my arms. "Where, damn you, where!?"

Techno dug his fingers against my arms. "Hey, dude! On the table!"

I let him go, turning to the tables. The line looked around at each other, staring at me as I hurried over to the nearest table. "Where are you...." I scrounged around, the entire room watching me. I found it, the burning gift from the god. A bottle of bright blue-green pine liquor sat on the table. I reached back and tore the tie out of my hair and straightened out. "...Ladies and gentlemen, drunk." I turned the bottle up, letting a rush of sappy tree liquid pour down my throat.

I kept on, leaning against the table with my free arm. "Holy shit."

"The whole thing?"

"Oh my god, he's gonna die!"

"Go."

"Go!"

"Go-go-go-go-go-go!"

The entire room started to chant. I let my eyes close, letting heavy bubbles shoot up the glass neck of the bottle. I could feel myself going stupid as I drained the bottle. I felt myself run out of breath, my head starting to spin as I chugged. It was humiliating, horridly childish, utterly stupid, but I loved it. A loud glassy thunk followed up as the alcohol stopped. "Fu-uuuuuuuck!" I slammed the bottle down, causing the rest of the glassware on the table to jump. "One month dry, worst month of my life!" I bopped the bottle against the table. "I've got an hour before I black out...fucking, people do the things! Do all the fuckin things!"

The room was icy, the crowd just staring at me in awe. Darcy let out a sharp woop. "Wooo, party!" Music kicked in mere moments later, rushing me with heavy rhythm.

The room went through two ticks. Silence, then roaring. I just stood there, leaned against the table as the young crowd cheered. "Bloody pissed up!" I felt good for the first time I'd been here. Surrounded by thick, smokey smelling food, cheering ponies, all glazed over with a stomachful of northern gem rotting away in my gut.

Darcy ran over, trotting to a stop before me. "Holy crap, are you gonna be okay?"

I looked up at the tall mare. "Huh? Oh, yeah." I shoved the bottle into her grip. "There...marital aid."

Darcy cocked an eyebrow and looked down at the bottle. "Uhh...."

I shook my head. "That crap just went straight into my gut, so...I've got an hour before I black out. I mean, I'll still be walking around after that, but memory just goes pff." I flicked my hand off my temple. "Gods...I needed that...like, now."

Darcy snickered to herself. "Wow, I mean- wow."

I waggled my wrist at her. "It's been a long few days...little drunk will make these toothy fucks all the more tolerable." I pointed to a grey satyr stallion in a yellow set of work pants. "Oi...whosat?"

Darcy looked out into the crowd. "Uh, Mason. Mayor's kid."

I looked past him, a mauve mare with massive breasts and a juicy looking haircut was talking to a few ponies. "Bloody, that one?"

Darcy leaned against the table. "You know you could go talk to them, ask them in person. That's Vintage."

I covered my mouth with my wrist, a burp quickly turning into a hiccup. "Uh...I would, but if I let go of this table I might bash myself." I looked behind me, snatching up a few bits of sliced something. "...Meat? Cool...." I shot back a salty bit of cured meat. "Ya know...it's really considerate and all, but like, ponies man are like...crazy. They touch everything and talk too much."

Darcy looked me up and down. "You're a pony too."

I cocked my head and grew a heavy grimace. "Technically."

"No, no technically-" Darcy found a glass and poured herself something to drink, "-you're a pony, end of story."

"Allegedly."

Darcy shook her head. "Allegedly because it's true."

"Fuck you Darcy, don't call me a hoers!"

"Hoers?"

"I know what I saids!"

Darcy laughed. "Your eyes are closed."

I forced my eyes open. "What!? No." I looked around, a few ponies dancing in some open space on the main floor, a blue maned pony sitting on a tower with some music equipment strung up, and the unmistakable scent of young drunks. "No...."

"And you're slurring." Darcy sipped her drink. "Do you want to sit down or something?"

I looked behind me, moving a tray of food out of the way and hopping myself up onto the table. "Good enough."

Darcy dipped her nose into her drink and shook her head. "Great, now all that food's been near your ass."

"Bitch...." Darcy looked back and me with eyebrow raised. "I was gonna say sumthin else...forgot what." I grabbed another bit of food and popped it into my mouth. "Something about my ass."

Darcy chuckled. "You should get drunk more often, you're already a lot more fun."

I shook my head. "Only in major social occasions. And after train rides. And after I see my ex, crazy slag she is-- oh fuck off!" I hopped down from the table. "No!" Marin was poking her way inside. "Why!? Darcy, medic! The bitch followed me!"

"Medic?" Darcy looked over to the door. "Uh, I wouldn't call her a bitch, she might hit you."

I looked again. "Oi, wot?"

Darcy shook her head and laughed. "Did you really have to drink the whole bottle?"

"Wasting time."

"Alright-" she held a hand up, "-that's Clover, she moved from the north or something a while ago. Like, Translymania or Canterlot or something."

I looked again, the mean unicorn slowly shifting into a bat pony. "Oh, good on her-him, him her, hermy--"

"It's a her."

I shrugged. "Alright. You say so." I turned my head, finding a pink haired mare next to me. "Oi...hi."

The mare nodded at me. "Nice party."

I turned to Darcy. "Who--"

"Bandage." She clarified, dipping her nose into her glass again. She popped back up with a grimace. "Man, you probably shouldn't have drank all that in one sitting, your liver is going to explode."

I shook my head. "Drink lots of water in the morning, flush it out."

Darcy swirled her drink in her hand. "I don't think that's gonna cut-it"

"...Tit?"

Darcy turned to me with a frown. "Cut--it."

"Ah." I turned to the mare on my right side. "Why are you pink?"

The mare turned her head. "Because mom had pink hair, why are you blue?"

"Because I got dumped!" I shouted, turning it into a laugh. "Get it?"

Bandage smiled at me. "Sure, nice to talk to you I guess." She pushed off the table, leaving me alone with Darcy again.

I watched the mare leave. "Bloody love tights...." I turned to Darcy, "Did I scare her off?"

Darcy shrugged. "You might have overdone it. Take some time for everypony to catch up."

I started nodding my head in time with the music. "Better hurry then." I reached up and tipped Darcy's glass up, causing her to sputter and spew Everclear over her shirt. "Uh...are you sure you should be drinking that?"

Darcy held her arms out, her shirt soaked with flammable levels of booze. "I'm six-four...I can hold my liquor. And I was drinking it, now I'm wearing it."

I stuffed my hand in my pocket, grabbing my lighter. "H-e-re, clear that right up."

"Glass, what the hell!?" Next Chapter: Jewel Estimated time remaining: 2 Hours, 56 Minutes