Drake awoke strapped to a table. Over him stood the maniacally grinning form of a still ponified Twilight Sparkle.

“Uuhhh… Doc? Mind telling me why I’m strapped to a table and not currently in bed with my lovely girlfriend?”

Twilight’s grin grew wider. “Time for testing, Drake~”

A horrifying robotic mass of tools and devices wheeled into view, bearing hundreds of sharp, deadly blades.

“First test… EMASCULATION!”

“OHGODNOTTHENUTS NOOOOOO-!”

“-OOOooooooohh god it was just a fucking nightmare…” Drake sat up in bed, thanking the fact that Elizabeth had bought earplugs. “I swear, if I knew I was gonna get emasculation nightmares from just getting hit in the nuts twice… Ugh.”

As the lizardman calmed himself down and settled back against his oh-so delightfully warm girlfriend, he thought back to his second meeting with Ben, and how Twilight had turned into an Alicorn. “Keh… still funny.”

Just before he drifted back to sleep, alarms rang out through the compound, startling Drake into annoyed wakefulness and jostling Elizabeth awake.

“Oh come on...” she whined, cracking an eye open, “Drake just got the whipped cream...”

“...” Drake stared at his half asleep girlfriend, “Beth, we got alarms going off everywhere. Shake off the dirty dreams, we can get to that later… as soon as I can find some whipped cream, kay?”

“We better be doing real dirty things with that whipped cream...” she said sitting up, stretching her limbs out with a satisfying pop.

“Considering the freaky things the both of us can do? You best bet your pretty little head, babe.” Drake smirked and waggled his two foot long tongue, “Anyway, alarms are ringing, wanna get outta here and see what’s up?”

“Do we have to?” she asked, snuggling up against him.

Drake resisted valiantly, “C’mon, Beth… y’know Doc Mind will have our heads if we’re not there soon… and Doc Twi will be even worse…”

“Ugh fine but you’re being my body pillow again, got that lizard boy?” she asked, getting out of bed, giving him a nice view of her rear.

Drake hugged Elizabeth from behind, “Of course I do, Beth. Now c’mon, we gotta go.” Drake stood and pulled on a shirt and a pair of pants, waiting for his girlfriend to change.

She sighed, pulling her clothes on, yawning. “Come on, let’s get going... I wanna get to the sexy times...” she moved toward the door, peeking outside.

Outside was a frantic rush of people, shouted orders, and the occasional spilled coffee cup. Drake winced. Coffee stains were so difficult to scrub from his scales. “Well… once more into the breach, eh luv?”

“AEC 1313 AND 682: REPORT TO THE MAIN COMMAND ROOM ASAP.”

“That’s our signal, luv. Let’s go!” Drake rushed out into the throng of the people, scuttling along the ceiling and into the vents, scaling his way to Site 63’s main command room.

“I really hate this place...” Elizabeth groaned before floating off toward the command room.

Five minutes later, the pair stood in the command room, Drake covered in dust and scratches and munching on an absolutely colossal spider, Elizabeth vaguely disgusted at Drake’s eating habits.

“So, what’s up Doc?” Drake asked between crunches.

Head Researcher Stable Mind facepalmed and switched on a communication screen, showing the grim– and adorable– visage of Head Researcher Twilight Sparkle, still an alicorn.

“Drake, Elizabeth, there’s a situation approximately six miles south by southeast of you. Our local scouting teams have found a massive portal of eldritch energy there. Given your experience with potentially hostile visitors, you two are going as our welcoming committee and, if necessary, first and hopefully only line of defense. Got that?” Twilight’s static covered muzzle glared harshly at Drake, as if daring him to step out of line again.

“You’re still so adorable like that Twi,” Elizabeth said with a grin, “We’ll do our best, won’t we Drake?” she asked, kissing his cheek.

Drake finished shoving the remnants of the late spider down his gullet and gave a cocky smile, hugging Elizabeth to his side, “Of course we will, Beth. You can count on us, Doc Twi, Doc Mind!” He threw out a jaunty salute and led Elisabeth out into the throngs of people once more, steering them towards the nearest transport.

At the helipad, the pair was directed to a black helicopter, unarmed and built with auto-returning technology, with a white ‘1313/682’ marked upon the side, a snarling lizard head within a circle painted upon the other.

Drake activated the helicopter, turning to Elizabeth with a pair of headphones in hand, “Hey Beth, ready for this?”

“Of course I am, I got you don’t I?” she asked, moving into his lap, getting comfy.

Com chatter filled the both of their ears as they affixed the specially made headphones over their ears, one channel coming through clearly. “Transport 1313-682, this is Control. You are clear for take-off on route sixteen-thirty two. Safe flight you two. Over.”

“Control, this is Transport 1313-682, we read you loud and clear. Heading out to route 16-32 now. Over.” Drake took the controls, easing the helicopter into the air with a harsh whir of blades. He smiled– it wasn’t exactly often that he’d gotten to fly the thing after all. Not when most of his days were spent in the site proper.

Over the mountains they flew, nearing the anomaly with a good amount of speed. Said anomaly was visible even from the air, a light glow coming from the ground and dark clouds directly above. As they reached the site of the anomaly, Drake activated the auto-return, shifting Elizabeth from his lap and into the seat next to him. “Ready to drop, luv?” he asked, already at the door and notifying the ground crew of their presence with a flare.

“Of course,” she said with a smile before jumping out of the chopper, gently gliding down to the ground. Drake shook his head and smiled, replacing his headphones on their hook and leaping out into the open air, slamming into the ground with an audible THUD and a small cloud of dust. Overhead, the helicopter turned and retreated back to base.

The portal hovered in midair rather ominously, a swirling ring of white filled with a sort of shimmering, not-quite-there grey, tinged with little swirls and eddies of black.

“So... what do you think made that?” she asked, looking up at the vortex, raising her eyebrow.

Drake shrugged, taking a clipboard from one of the scattered, hazmat-suited workers. “Beats me. Maybe it was another Displaced, like that Kat bitch. They are rather fond of portals…”

A meteor shrieked out of the vortex, slamming into the ground nearby. It exploded outward into a black cloud before reforming into a tan skinned man in a black coat, his eyes a sickly yellow and his hair a silverish white.

“Jesus fuck!” Drake leapt back, already beginning his battle preparations, this time covering his back and limbs with scales, not unlike a pangolin. He circled the man warily, sprouting more and more scale-like blades as he went, until his back and limbs and part of his face resembled an unholy mix of porcupine and pangolin.

“Drake...” Liz said with a bit of worry, “That guy uh... I-I don’t think he’s biological.”

Drake stared, “What do you mean ‘not biological’?” He took a few step back mindful of the workers rushing around to secure a perimeter around the area.

“What she means is,” the man spoke, moving closer to Drake, his voice cold with an underlying current of malice, “Is that I am not flesh and blood.”

“.... I don’t exactly know how that’s possible…” Drake stood straight, tail lashing nervously behind him. “My name is Drake, current spokesperson and/or first line of defense for the AEC Foundation. Welcome to Equestria… er, what’s your name?”

The man smirked, much like a predator. “I am Ansem! Seeker Of Darkness!” he declared, throwing his hands out. Dark pools started to form from the nearby shadows, out of them raising small black creatures with antenna and yellow eyes.

“Oh jesus fuck it’s Kingdom Hearts all over again,” Drake muttered, motioning for the ground crew to run for their lives. “Beth, you think we can kill these guys? You knew more about the series than I did.”

“Oh we are so boned!” Liz said, her eye wide, “I can’t burn heartless and you can’t adapt to freaking shadows!” she jumped back as a shadow swiped at her.

“Oh fuck.” Drake leapt back, dodging the tide of oncoming Heartless and blasting at them to no avail.

“Your efforts are futile my scaled friend,” Ansem said as he appeared behind Drake, grabbing him by the tail and hurtling him some distance away, “Your world has nothing that can stop me from devouring it.”

Drake slammed into the ground, rolling to a stop in a mess of broken scales and lightly abraded skin. As he stood, he growled, “Dammit! How the hell am I supposed to protect this damn planet if I can’t even kill a few pathetic shadows!?” He slammed a fist into the ground, spraying acid bolts at the shadows, once again, to no avail.

“You just need a little help is all!” a young voice called out before an object hurled into the shadows, making them all explode into wisps. Said object moved back to its owner, a girl of around fourteen with black hair and blue eyes, wearing a black cloak.

“.... I… I want to ask how the hell you did that, but I’m pretty sure I’ll just receive a stupid answer.” Drake stood tall and cracked his neck, retracting his spines and defaulting to base human form. He walked up to the girl and asked, “So, you are?”

“Name’s Alex,” she said, hefting a large key looking sword over her shoulder, “Sorry about shadow man other there. Asshole jumped us in one of the Corridors and knocked us into your world.”

“It’s cool. We’re used to weird shit. So, that asshole… he said his name was Ansem, I think. any weaknesses?” Drake was back at Elizabeth’s side by now, his girlfriend hugged to his side even as he moved the pair back over to the newly named Alex.

“This,” Alex said, holding up the sword.

“Oh good, a keyblade, chuck it at his head already,” Liz said, crossing her arms, “I rather like my world and don’t want it getting eaten.”

“You know it’s not really that simple,” Alex huffed, “The guy’s basically the god of darkness, just chucking a keyblade at him isn’t going to kill him.”

Drake cursed under his breath, thanking the fact that all the extraneous personnel had already headed for the hills. “Great. Just fucking great. Anything else?”

“Not much, just keep an eye out for my boss, he looks like Ansem but with a coat like mine,” Alex said, gesturing to herself.

Drake snorted, “So a little more fruity and anime than the other dude. Got it.” He let go of Elizabeth, launching a few more idle bone spikes at the gathered shadows and their master. “Hey, if you’re gonna attack him, that’d be nice.”

“Did you just call me fruity?” Alex asked before whacking him upside the head with the keyblade, “I didn’t ask to be this gender ya know!”

Drake rubbed his smarting skull, “No, I just realize that if your master is who I think it is, he’s got a slightly more fruity and anime hairstyle than Mr. Tall-tan-and-bastard over there. I have played Kingdom Hearts… and then watched as Elizabeth took over after I died on like… the first levels….”

“My hairstyle is just fine thank you very much,” a new, slightly monotone voice said, from behind them, “I don’t see a need to start our relationship off with insults.”

“I never said fruity was bad,” Drake said, motioning at his own swept back, green and black, shaggy mess of spikes, “I mean, look at my hair.”

“You look stupid,” Alex pointed out.

“Says the anime character,” Liz retorted, glaring at her.

“Oi, don’t start with me miss ‘breaks all rules of biology’,” Alex countered, glaring back.

Drake stepped in, patting the both of them on the head. “Ladies, ladies. Priorities first. Ansem is over there and trying to eat my planet… which isn’t much of a good idea considering the seriously fucked up shit happening here. Catfight comes later… maybe in pudding and biki-OW GODDAMMIT BETH IT WAS A JOKE.”

“Dude I’m stuck at fourteen,” Alex said, looking at him with a bit of disgust.

“And I’m a shapeshifting lizardman with a homicidal streak. And really, physical age does not matter… also I’m happily taken, so there’s that.” Drake pointed out the obvious, idly patting down his flaming skull. “Honestly Beth, if you want to hurt me for saying stupid things, you shouldn’t set my skull on fire. It only hurts for the initial combustion, y’know.”

“Can we get on topic please?” Xemnas asked with a long sigh, hand on his face.

“Right. God of Darkness trying to eat the planet. Beth, you got the radio, mind calling base for a sit-rep?” Said radio was currently lying on the ground near an overturned truck, idle radio chatter still coming through.

“Unless he gets his hands on your crystal heart, he’s mostly just bluffing,” Xemnas said, looking over at Ansem, “Keep in mind, we just have to get him back through the vortex.”

“Oh yeah… that vortex is still open…” Drake eyed the flashing portal suspiciously, not at all trusting it to not just disappear and screw over the entire planet. “Shouldn’t be… too difficult… unless he has intangibility.”

“He has that annoying ass guardian which is invulnerable,” Alex piped up.

“....I’m afraid I don’t remember that part. Beth?” Drake was already on his way over to the fallen radio, clicking through the stations while everyone stood around. Even Ansem had stopped and decided to wait.

Rather like a poorly written cutscene, really.

“Oh for the love of,” Alex said before hurling her keyblade at Ansem’s face.
“Come guardian!” Ansem declared, his shadow forming into a horrible shadow monster, knocking the key away.

“God I hated that thing,” Liz groaned, shaking her head, “We can’t hurt him when it’s in front of him.”

“.... Indestructible, you said?” Drake asked, a slow grin crawling up his face. “Yeah, I can handle that.” With that, he leapt back into the fray, lashing out at the shadow monster with all that he had, shifting into his standard lizardbeast form.

He had absolutely no effect at all and the shadow guardian just slapped him away.

“..... Okay then… New tactic.” Drake brushed himself off and transformed with a mighty roar, stretching into the heavens as a kaiju sized quetzalcoatl and slamming his entire bulk down onto Ansem and his guardian.

“Begone with you!” Ansem shouted, sending Drake into the air with a blast of darkness, only to cry out in pain as Alex slashed at him with her keyblade, “Insolent whelp!” he hissed, his guardian swiping out her, barely missing it’s mark.

Drake groaned and rolled over, crushing a few unlucky trucks as he shrunk back down to normal. “Okay, seriously? This sucks ass.”

“Oh suck it up!” Alex said with a grunt, blocking one of Ansem’s attacks as Xemnas moved in, summoning up two red lasers, using them as swords.

“Oh that’s easy for you to say! I can’t do jack shit against this guy because I’m not a fucking mage! Nor do I own a fucking Keyblade!” Drake let out a barrage of lasers to prove his point, doing exactly nothing against Ansem’s guardian.

“Your whining is not helping matters,” Xemnas said, jumping away from Ansem’s reach, “Try to actually think of a way to help.”

“Like fucking what!?” He joined the fight against Ansem, slashing at the god of darkness from behind with superheated tailblades coated in acid and sparking with lightning. “Beth, some support would be really nice right now!”

“I’ll try my best,”Liz said, firing off a few lasers at Ansem, who just laughed before getting hit by the keyblade again.

“You insect are starting to annoy me,” Ansem growled, conjuring up some more dark pools, Neo-shadows emerging from them.

Drake growled and slashed at the new Heartless, annoyed at not being able to do more than distract and absorb damage. He opened up a barrage of lasers at the shadows, surprised that he could actually punch through and destroy the things. “Huh. That’s useful. I guess I just aimed at the wrong thing.”

“Oh good, now be useful!” Alex hissed at him.

“Snippy woman.” Drake brushed off the annoying Keyblade wielder and continued blasting the myriad of heartless with his laser eyes, even shifting to lizard form and growing hundreds of eyes for the express purpose of killing heartless even faster. “Hey Beth! Come help us! This is great!”

“Uh guys...” Liz said pointing at Ansem, who had risen high into the sky.

“All of you, sink into darkness!” Ansem shouted, drawing in all of the shadows within several miles, forming a massive pool of darkness below him.

Drake took to the air casually, picking up Xemnas and leaving Liz to pick up Alex. “Seriously, that has got to be the most useless thing I’ve seen all day. There’s four of us here and two of us can fly with barely any weight limits.”

“Oh? Is it really useless?” Ansem asked as a gigantic shape rose out of the pool, taking shape, “Behold! The Groundshaker!”

“.....” Drake took a single look at the massive form… and kept on looking. “That… is just so uncool.”

“Seriously?” Alex asked letting out a groan, “Why did he have to summon up that thing?”

Drake shrugged, a grin splitting his face. “Xemnas, climb onto my back. And whatever you do, do not let go. This will be… interesting.”

“I don’t really need to,” Xemnas said, summoning up a rather demonic looking keyblade. He brought his fist against his left arm, becoming clad in armor. He tossed his keyblade into the air, watching as it shifted forms, attaching to the armor’s back like a jetpack.

“... Cool.” Drake shook his head, concentrating as his flesh bubbled and sprouted, new growths spiralling out in fleshy tendrils and bony spears, melting down Drake’s human form even as his wings expanded to a massive span, the massive flesh construct mutating and stretching until it became a one thousand foot long snake with wings, bone armor, and a magnificently-crested draconic head with four balefully glowing red eyes. “LET’S RIP AND TEAR, MOTHERFUCKERS!” he roared, challenging the massive Heartless without a single fear in his heart.

It charged at him, aiming to bite into his neck.

“Ok...that’s just insane,” Alex said, watching the two with wide eyes.

“I’ve seen weirder,” Xemnas said before flying at Ansem, the two locked in combat high above the two beasts.

The two beasts tangled in furious combat, flesh and blood against darkened hearts, claws and spells and laser fire scoring the land for miles around. Drake gave as good as he got, tearing massive rents into the Groundshaker’s hide with concentrated laser fire, blocking and constricting its movements with his much larger body, currents of wind blasting the other combatants with every movement of his titanic wings.

Such are the battles of giant monsters.

The Groundshaker stood its ground shaking off damage as well as it could, slashing massive gashes into Drake’s scaly hide. The titanic beasts shook the ground as they battled, until finally the Groundshaker managed to throw Drake into a mountainside, whereupon the serpent shuddered and collapsed, going limp and losing its rainbow crest.

Though, somehow, the Heart did not appear.

Instead, with a gurgling, raspy roar of defiance, the serpent bubbled and shifted, shrinking down into itself to become a much smaller, though no less titanic reptilian thing, with Eyes glowing a baleful orange and body covered in thick bone armor. A superheated tailblade danced through the air, causing it to shimmer and generate updrafts. The two hundred foot tall beast stared up at the Groundshaker and roared with an intensity so powerful that it nearly knocked all the airborne combatants out of the air. The two beasts leapt at each other once again, this time with SCP 682 taking the advantage in speed, evading the slower Heartless’ blows and spells with lethal results.

As the two beasts tore into each other, Elizabeth joined Xemnas in the sky, throwing their all at Ansem. The master heartless kept them at bay easily, his guardian soaking up most of the damage.

“This is pointless,” Xemnas said, floating back away from his brother, panting a little.

“You got any better ideas? Liz asked, hitting Ansem with another laser blast.

“Yes,” he said before diving down to Drake, “Hurl the Groundshaker into Ansem and aim for the vortex,” he shouted, hoping the monster could hear.

SCP 682 gave no inclination that he heard, save for the flash of light that signaled AEC 682 coming into the fray, shifting forms once again into a serpent, this time much larger and without wings. The two thousand foot long snake wrapped its tail around the Groundshaker’s legs and, with all its might, threw the colossal heartless straight into Ansem’s back, slamming the both of them down on top of the still sparking portal.

“Fucker!” Ansem shouted as he and the giant heartless where sucked into the portal. With their master gone, the lesser heartless melted into back into mere shadows.

“Oh hey... you fixed the thing,” Alex said, panting heavily.

The serpent shrunk down into a slightly wobbly Drake, the lizardman slightly out of breath for once in his new life. “Whoo…. Hokay… did we do the thing? It feels like we did the thing.” He collapsed face first into the dirt with a, “Okay I’m just gonna lay here for a while. I’m really hungry now....”

“We should take our leave,” Xemnas said, landing and dismissing his armor and weapon, “I am sorry we caused this mess.”

Drake waved him off from where he stood, also motioning for someone to pick him up. “Nah nah, it’s cool… we’re in a mountainous region so nothing important got blown up or crushed, and the Foundation’s dealt with weirder.

“Still, sorry for almost getting our world eaten,” Alex said, brushing her cloak off. “Um... nice meeting you?” she asked as Xemnas conjuring up a portal of darkness.

Drake finally wobbled to his feet, leaning on Elizabeth for support. “Yeah, yeah. Hey, uh, you guys got any way to contact you? I mean, me and Beth mostly have things covered, but a little extra help is always welcome.”

They nodded, with Alex tossing Drake a seashell and Xemna tossing him a strange emblem. “Until next time.” Xemnas turned the two of them vanishing into the portal, which closed after them.

“Until next time…” Drake muttered, finally passing out on top of Elizabeth. Even his natural regeneration couldn’t keep up with the strain of so many form shifts.

Author's Notes:

Thanks to Shagohad12 for his crossover with his Xemnas Spin-off story!