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I Got 682 Problems, But a Lizard Ain't One

by Jsyrin

Chapter 11: YOU DON'T KNOW A DAMN THING ABOUT RACING

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Or: More Plot Significance~


All told, the race had been going rather well for Drake. Sure, he wasn’t exactly the fastest Heavy-weight on the ground, due to his abnormal body density and all, but once he took to the air, none could match his mach 10 performance. Especially since he’d taken out some of the competition just by making his standard crimson shockwave, or as Rainbow liked to call it, “Sonic Bloodboom”.

Drake hated the name, to be honest. It was just so cheesy.

Back to the matter at hand, he was currently in first place, ready to dive straight into the aquatic section of the race. He’d already shifted himself into a more aerodynamic form in preparation for the dive, but just as he began his descent, an object flew out of nowhere, impacted his wing, and exploded, sending him to the ground in a massive spray of gore.

“Aaagh son of a bitch!”

His scaly body impacted the dirt at mach 10, sending up massive plumes of dust. Far above, Elizabeth saw Drake impact the dirt and immediately dove to help him, fear clouding her mind.

“Drake!” She screamed, accelerating as fast as she could.

Just before she reached the ground, something slammed into her and exploded, sending her into another crater not far from Drake’s position.

Far away on a hill, a grotesque figure stood on all fours, tail swaying in the wind and spine mounted cannon smoking.

The mutated feline grinned an all too human grin as its eyes flexed and shifted, glowing a malevolent red. The ‘G’ symbol on its back shone brightly in the summer sun.

“Targets…. found….”

A pair of gigantic, feathered wings sprouted from its back and as it drifted slowly above the smoking craters, it rasped out, “Engaging… targets.”

The wings dissipated into a fine mist and the Deathcat dropped.


Elizabeth awoke from her temporary coma in a haze of dust and smoke, dress singed and hair disheveled, wings tattered and flesh marred. “D-drake?” she asked pulling herself up into a sitting position, brushing some hair out of her face.

From her position, she could faintly hear the sound of something massive shift through rubble not far from her. A low grumbling filled the air, along with a quiet whistling/yowling noise that seemed entirely out of place for Drake.

She focused her powers, healing up her body before staggering over. She grabbed some rocks, starting to move the rubble off him.

“Beth? Y’get the number of the truck that hit me?” Drake mumbled as he shifted out of his quetzalcoatl form and back into his human form, “I wanna find and evi-GRAAAGH!”

His curse was cut short as something fell out of nowhere and began clawing at his unprepared face with each slash feeling as if none of his powers worked.

“Get off him!” she screamed, firing off a laser into whatever it was.

The beast was knocked back and into a convenient boulder, revealing the horrifically twisted form of the Deathcat, bones protruding, mechanical parts strewn across the pus-laced ruin of a body, a horrifyingly human scowl, and a massive cannon shaped object protruding from its spinal column. A bladed tail swished back and forth.

“Targets… Engaged…. Capture... Procedures… initiated.”

The harsh buzz of static coming from the cheetah-like monstrosity was enough to make both AECs step back in disgust, guards falling as the Deathcat prowled a circle around the two.

“Beth, suit up. We don’t know what the hell this fucking thing is, and I don’t want you hurt because we thought we could take it as we are…” Drake muttered to his girlfriend of all of one week, shifting into his base lizard form as he spoke.

“I’m fine Drake really,” she said, shaking her head, “Don’t worry about me okay?”

“Y’know I worry, Beth…” The great beast muttered, warily turning his head towards the zombie-cat-monster-thing. Said beast growled in a rush of gurgling static and pounced forth in a blaze of movement!

The two beasts clashed in a thundering match of claws and teeth, blood and goo flying everywhere. Even as the pair wrestled, Elizabeth couldn’t help but notice that the cat was somehow overpowering Drake. But how?

The answer came in a sudden change in the wind, blowing the scent of ozone over her. Drake’s scream and the hissing crackle of electrical discharge only proved her suspicions, even as Drake flung the catbeast into the crater he himself had made not three minutes prior.

“Fucker tried to taze me!” He yowled, rubbing the scorch mark on his side.

“Heh... gives me a few ideas,” she said, giving him a wink before calling up her powers, firing off more lasers at it.

That gives me a few ideas…” He replied, firing off his own lasers.

Pained yowling filled the air as, bit by bit, the Deathcat was stripped of its flesh, leaving only a partially mechanical skeleton behind. The bones collapsed into the dirt shortly after.

“Huh… didn’t think it’d be that easy…” Drake muttered, ambling up to one of the bone fragments and biting a small chunk out of it, assimilating the material directly after.

“Say, Beth… this thing bled orange goo, just like that dragon a while ago… you think there’s a connection?”

Beth shrugged, “Maybe. It also had a weird logo on it. You think there might be a connection between it and the dragon?”

“Definitely. Same regeneration, same goo… same genetic makeup, too. We should report this to Doc Mind.” Drake’s tail lashed angrily as he spoke, before freezing in an almost comical manner.

“Shit! The race!”

Beth pouted, “Is that really the most pressing concern right now?” Drake’s girlfriend of one week deadpanned and took back to the air. “Fine, fine. I know how important this is to you. Let’s just go for now…”

“Right!” Thusly, Drake took back to the air, building up a great deal of speed before diving into the ocean with a massive spray of water and a quickly muffled sonic boom.

Beth shook her head and took off, quickly regaining her second place spot behind Rainbow Dash.

“Idiot.” She muttered, smiling faintly at Drake’s strange quirks.

Author's Notes:

UUUGH

I'm sorry this took so long to get out, but life happened, and Shag was busy with his other shit.

The next chapter won't take as long to come out. Promise.

Next Chapter: This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things Estimated time remaining: 47 Minutes
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I Got 682 Problems, But a Lizard Ain't One

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