Things are... bad.

Basically, the worst possible thing has happened (as Rarity would say; I find myself occasionally using her expressions (by accident) now, which feels rather bizarre). Nonetheless, I hold out hope for a miracle or two.

In the interim, I'm being encouraged to write—no, scratch that. There's no need to pre-reveal anything. Here's what happened, with all the gory details...

Right after the last entry, I got back in bed and cuddled up to Rainbow Dash. Apparently, she was only pretending to sleep. The moment I wrapped two legs and a wing around her, she spun around and pinned me down in place on the bed. Yeah, I kinda liked it, I'll admit. I had to struggle to open my other wing out flat. (It wanted to be open. Ahem.)

"Whatcha gonna do now, egghead?" she asked. (She probably wanted the same answer as before.)

I reached up with my muzzle, and kissed her gently on the lips.

Her wings twitched, and she blushed like crazy. (I was pretty sure that was as rubicund as a cyan-colored pegasus could possibly blush.) Then, a sentimental-looking smile slowly crossed her muzzle. She was happy. Like, happy in the way that can make you cry, you know? And that made me happy. A big part of me wanted to stare up into her Celestia-like eyes forever, even though I was afraid she was going to cry on me at any moment.

"Twi?" Dash said, very gently.

"Yeah, Dashie? Er, wait. Why did I just—"

"No, that's good. I like 'Dashie'. With you, I mean. That's what Pinkie calls me..."

"I've heard you correct her..." I pointed out.

"Yeah, well, I stopped eventually. I realized it meant something important, about being friends I mean. Being informal like that, it's like saying 'I know you really well, and you're awesome, so I want other ponies to know that I know you'," said 'Dashie' (giggle—sorry, it's just so cute, even now that everything's gone completely to shit). "Anyway, I just wanted to say, even as boned as we are right now because of the vampony stuff, I've never been happier in my life. I'm really, really glad all this mess happened—no, I mean I would be, if it hadn't been so awful for you, with the parents raping and..." She looked terrified. "I shouldn't have said anything, Twi! I'm sorry—"

I shushed her. "It's okay, Dash—Dashie. I'm actually happy everything happened too, despite the horror of it all," I said. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but maybe it's even worth being raped by my parents just to be able to be closer to my friends. It's almost worth it just to see that silly smile on your beautiful face."

I was wrong. The blush deepened even further. I've never seen a redder pair of cheeks, Journal, not even on Big Mac. It was amazing to behold (except I was honestly afraid she was about to pass out or have an aneurysm). It only lasted a few seconds, fortunately.

"Twi, look. I... I feel that way too, but it's... it's more than friendship to me, right now," she said, looking at the tip of my horn to avoid looking me in the eyes. "I feel some pretty strong, um, feeling-stuff."

"Emotions?"

"Yeah, those things. I know it's not fair to you, because you still probably just see me as a friend and all, but..." Her voice trailed off to a whimper, and she released her hold on my forehooves.

I put my forehooves on her face, and pulled it lower to force eye contact. "Rainbow Dash, I love you, too. I think I love you in pretty much every way the word 'love' could mean to a pony," I said. "The only problem is that I feel this way toward other ponies too, and I don't know how to figure out who I'm, you know, supposed to love. I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be a colt—stallion, I mean—so I can have foals, but I don't know anymore. I could easily spend the rest of my life with you and be happier than I've ever been, but what if I feel that way about Applejack, too?" I grimaced, and sighed.

Dash sat up on the bed and stroked my cheek with the side of her hoof. "Yeah, I know. I guess the vamponies just up and force you to love some random pony, which is a terrible idea, but at least there's no confusion," said Dash. "I think I love AJ too, sometimes. I don't know. I'm as inexperienced as you are at facing these kind of feelings head-on, maybe even less experienced."

I sat up as well, then shook my head. "The vamponies seem to allow love between any two ponies, whether or not they're, um, 'matched'. It's almost like they love everypony," I said. "Maybe... maybe they're wrong, but I don't see why you can't love more than one pony. I mean, there's a limit as to how much time you have to spend with other ponies, but does living with one pony mean you can't love another pony too?" I shrugged. "Maybe you could even live in a group... no, I'm sure all this perversion is keeping me from thinking rationally. Something like that is probably unfeasible."

"It's hard to resist, Twi. I think..." Rainbow Dash closed her eyes. "Don't ever tell anypony this, but I need... 'love'. I think I might be part changeling, actually."

I stifled a giggle, but immediately regretted it.

"Hay, I'm not joking!" said Dash, with an angry frown. "Look, I know it's stupid, but knowing somepony cares about you... it's just... it's just super-ultra-extreme-awesomazing, you know? If being a vampony means more of that, I dunno. It's hard to fight it, Twi. It has nothing to do with the sex, even though that's awesome too. It's the idea of belonging. Together," she said, placing her hoof on mine.

It sounded almost like a proposition, the way she said it. A proposition to join the vamponies. Leg in leg. Together.

Dear Moon above, it would have been hard to say 'no' if the words had actually come out of her mouth. Maybe I'd have said 'yes', even. But... I doubt it. I owe too much to Pr—I mean, to Celestia, and Spike, and all my other friends, and even the whole of Equestria, to give up on them now.

Holding up a rebellion entirely by myself is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. No comparison. I don't know how I'm still doing it.

I didn't get a chance to ask Dash for a clarification, because right after she said that somepony knocked on the door. The door was adjacent to the bubble, so the knocking was audible. I'd need to drop the bubble to reply, and I had no idea what I should do next.

"HORSESHIT!" said Dash. "How...?"

"I think the bubble was down for a few minutes by mistake, maybe that's all it—" I began, then stopped myself. That data was not relevant, and we needed to think fast.

"Listen very carefully to me," I said, and after a rapid nod, I received the most intense stare I've ever seen.

Then I took a deep breath and began to speak while I was still organizing the thoughts in my mind, but I'm pretty good at that sort of thing (mild brag).

"I need you to do two things. First, make sure Spike gets safely to the Crystal Kingdom. He's almost certainly in Canterlot now. When the trains start running again, Spike will probably be on the first one," I said.

"Got it," she replied.

"Second, go public. Find a newspaper that hasn't been vamponified—I mean the editor, obviously—and tell them everything you can about the vamponies. Don't tell them who is a vampony, except that some are royalty. You're famous here, Dash, and they'll listen to you. Once the veil is lifted, they'll be forced to negotiate with us," I said.

She swallowed hard. "Okay. That it?"

The knock on the door came again, followed by a voice that sent chills down my spine (of the figurative sort). It was my brother.

"Tw—Twilight, you're completely safe. I know you and Dash are in there, and we just want to talk to you," he said. (Yeah, right.)

I grabbed the special star with my magic and depressed it, and the secret door swung open. "Good luck."

"Twi, what about you?" she asked, the anxiety on her face palpable.

"I'll be fine. I actually want to confront him, and I have my escape planned. Now, GO!" I ordered. (I hated yelling at her, but, necessity and all.) She saluted and flew through the secret exit. I shut the doorway, then popped the bubble.

"Twilight, please talk to me. You can stay in the room if you want. I won't even come inside," came the voice of my traitorous brother. (Damn it! Why do I feel like the traitor?!) He seemed to be avoiding the word 'Twily', and there was something in his voice I never expected to hear from him.

He was afraid. My brother was afraid of me. Why?

I cleared my throat. "I'll open the door, but no funny business, got it?"

"Absolutely none, absolutely none," he said, repeating himself nervously. "I'm standing back from the door."

I removed the sigil which sealed the door, and I felt a quick streak of fear rush through my gut. I was making a mistake, I knew it, but I only knew it subconsciously and I didn't bucking listen to that nagging feeling. (Fuck, fuck, fuckitty fuck fucking fucker fucks. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!!!) (Yeah, I'm kind of upset about this.)

I consistently have this failing, Journal. I don't trust my instincts enough, because I can't pin them down into a sequence of linguistic thoughts, and I have a terrible time trusting what I don't fully understand—even if it comes from within me. Pinkie Pie is phenomenal at tapping into her subconscious, but me? I suck at it. I suck really hard. (Probably shouldn't be using sex-based euphemisms, but whatever.)

The door glowed with my brother's aura, and opened slowly. True to his word, he was standing about three meters away from the door. There was nopony behind him, but I heard a cough not far away.

As for my side of the door? I had a force shield up and a plasma blast readied. No chances.

I just have to buy Dash enough time, then I can teleport away, I thought. Besides, I have a lot of questions I want answered, and... I want to see if I can understand, now that I've matured a little. He's still my brother, somewhere in there. He has to be.

It took me a moment to realize that he was standing there just like a normal pony, on all fours. His cock was rigid beneath his barrel, but he wasn't doing the weird two-legged thing to show it off or intimidate me.

"Twily—I mean, Twilight—" he said, tripping over his own words. His brow was wet with sweat.

This was pathetic. I actually felt bad for him. I sighed, and interrupted.

"It's fine if you call me Twily, let's just get this over with," I said, and unreadied the bolt. "I want to understand, brother. I'm ready to talk."

Shining Armor breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Thank the Moon! I mean, thank you, Twily," he said. "May I assume Rainbow Dash is in the bathroom?"

"Maybe, maybe not," I said. "Let's not involve her in this right now." Even if I couldn't keep a sane conversation going, I needed to stall longer. Undoubtedly she was already in the caves, but it might take her a while to find the exit. (She could do it with echolocation, but I suspected she didn't know how to do that yet, at least not without going full-vampony. And you never go full-vampony, Journal. Not on Team Sanity, anyway.)

Shining nodded, and sat down on the hallway floor. I walked up until I was a few meters away from the door myself, and sat down as well. (Naturally, the force bubble was still up. I'm not a complete idiot, at least.) This meant Shining and I were almost within comfortable speaking distance, but not quite. Close enough not to have to yell, but far enough apart to feel super-awkward. (Let's face facts: there's no way this conversation wasn't going to be super-awkward.)

"That's fine. We're mostly concerned for your safety. And hers, naturally," said my brother.

"Naturally," I said, with a hint of sarcasm. "No thanks to Team Creepy, though. She isn't exactly enjoying being a nightwing." Of course, this wasn't new information, because they knew they bit her... Or was it?

Shit. I realized right after I said it. I just gave away a crucial bit of information that should have remained secret: I don't have a cure that works on other ponies yet. I basically fumbled the hoofball when our team was already way behind. (Okay, my hoofball analogies have to end there, Journal. I don't really know how the game works, because I can't see the appeal in it.)

But then, I visibly winced at my mistake, and that was another mistake! Huge facehoof here. Wincing basically revealed that I knew I'd given that bit of information away, confirming that it wasn't just a bluff. Holy Sun, I'm terrible at this sort of thing.

For his part, Shining didn't seem to respond. "We're sorry about that. It was a mistake to infect her. Heavens above, pretty much everything we've done when it comes to you was a huge mistake," he admitted. "Trying to turn you against your will was wrong, trying to keep information from you was wrong, trying to force you into sex was wrong... we, we just went about everything the wrong way, and..."

He got up on all four hooves, and for a moment I thought he was going to try something. But then he lowered his ankles to the floor. My brother had stood up in order to kneel! Like, in deference to a princess or something (well, I guess I am one, but still)! This act of humility flew in the muzzle of everything I had been assuming, but it was probably just an act. Right?

"I'm sorry, Twily. We're all very sorry, and we apologize for what we've done, and I mean that." He sat back down on the floor. "I don't expect you to believe that, and I certainly don't expect forgiveness, but I'm hoping by some miracle that there's a way that we can make things right again, someday."

My muzzle wrinkled up in an equal mix of irritation and confusion. "Shining, I... I just can't believe what you're saying. You've done terrible things to my friends. I've been raped by my own parents, for buck's sake," I said.

Shining Armor winced as though he'd been struck with a polearm. "I know. I'm so sorry for that—we were just so certain it would work, and you'd be happy again—but there's no excuse, I know."

I snorted. "Well, granted, I've learned a lot from my experiences, and I'm not totally messed up inside by some tremendous miracle, but... I can't forgive you until I understand why—WHY did these things happen? What is going on? Please, please help me understand your side of things. I'm willing to listen. But I shouldn't need to take your cock in my cunt to figure things out."

It's been a long time since I've seen my brother that startled.

His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. It took me a moment to realize why. I'd used profane language in a sexually direct way, like some kind of depraved pervert, which maybe I am now. But I guess that was unexpected, which told me something: Team Creepy didn't have access to a full summary of my experiences from Pinkie Pie (so she probably decided not to tell much, bless her heart, as AJ would say), and they didn't have access to my somehow-magical journal.

Unfortunately, this book was lying on the floor right next to me in plain sight, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it at that point. Another dumbass mistake, this one just completely careless. I should have refused to open the door until I had all of my i's dotted and t's crossed (er, metaphorically, not in you, Journal—obviously I would never leave an i undotted or a t uncrossed).

"I, um, right. I agree," he said. "I think we can explain things to you. It's been hard because of... um..."

"My sexual inexperience. I understand," I said.

"Wow, I was afraid to even mention that," said Shining Armor, and he smiled for the first time. His shoulders relaxed. He was worried about losing me again, I could tell. "I'm just happy you're okay now. And, um, I'm happy that you and your friends..." he said, but declined to finish the sentence.

I sighed. "I know you can smell it. Yes, I had s—no, I made love to Rainbow Dash. Even though we're both fillies, or mares, rather; even though we're not married or anything; even though we were in a dangerous situation."

"That's wonderful, Twily. That's really wonderful. I'm so happy for you," he said. The look on his face matched what he said.

"And I'm not ashamed of it, either... actually, you know what?" I asked, rhetorically. "I'm proud of it. I'm proud I fucked one of my best friends. It was a good thing."

My brother looked even more relaxed, and his eyes were wet as he smiled softly back at me. "Sis... I hope this doesn't creep you, but... I'm really, really proud of you," he said. "You've grown up so much, in such a short space of time. I'm sorry it had to be this difficult and painful, but you continue to amaze me, and our parents."

I took a deep breath. "Yeah, whatever. I've grown up. Fine. I didn't do it in order to have this conversation, but now maybe it will be easier to have it?"

Shining nodded. "I think so, yes," and he motioned his head around the corner. I fully expected an enormous armed garrison to come around the corner so we could 'talk' in more detail. Instead, a slightly smaller armed garrison appeared: Sis-in-law. It looked like she had her horn back, but I could tell (visually) that it was one of Rarity's fake horn-sheaths. (You'd need to know a lot about horn anatomy to tell, though. I'd be surprised if more than one unicorn in a thousand could detect the difference if they weren't looking for it (well, unless they're centimeters away from it). Rarity has outdone herself, yet again.)

"Twilight?" she asked, ducking her head. Princess Cadance took a seat on the floor beside her husband. "Are you doing okay?" (Notably, she wasn't wearing any accessories except for the fake horn and gold earrings. Brother was entirely nude as well, too, if I forgot to mention. I'm sure this was to avoid immediately creeping me out.)

Journal, I really wanted to stick it to them both, right then. I wanted them to think I was completely fucked in the head because of what they did to me. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. At the time, it looked like they hurt as much as I do. Tartarus, they're probably hurting even now, despite how wrong they are. I had to be honest.

"I'm... okay," I said. "In a lot of emotional pain, but somehow I've been able to cope. Mainly because I don't think anypony is trying to hurt anypony else, even though it is manifestly true that that is exactly what you're doing."

"This isn't an excuse, Twily, but you need to believe us. The only ponies who are suffering are those who we mistakenly tried to turn before they were ready," said Shining Armor. "If you choose to join us, I know you'll be happy. I will personally guarantee it."

I rolled my eyes. "Where does all this come from, BBBFF?" (That accidentally slipped out, but I'd like to think I was subconsciously trying to appeal to his sense of obligation toward his sister. He certainly has lost the right to that title.) I continued, "I understand the basic sequence of events: my error in creating Flutterbat left a link to some kind of curse hidden in pony DNA, or something like that; the nightwings who, before being banished with Luna, had experienced that curse—probably during the brief appearance of Nightmare Moon—visited Fluttershy and asked her to turn them into 'complete' nightwings, which she did; then Fluttershy turned Pinkie Pie, then Rarity, and then she visited you both and turned you."

I did the exposition for a reason. Not sure if I've written this here yet, but the fastest way to get information out of an unwilling pony is to make open assumptions. It's pony nature to want to correct misperceptions, and it's a strong compulsion. For example, if you want to know if somepony is married, the simplest way is not to say, "Are you married?", because they might decide that's none of your business. The simplest way is to say, "Hay, how's your spouse?" Almost any unmarried pony would immediately say, "I'm not married." (Of course, this is dangerous because it could cause social friction: if their spouse just died, for example. But it's still the most surefire trick, and I was definitely using it here.)

"That's basically right, yes. Please, go on," said my brother.

Ah, the opposite approach. This was clever, too. If I wasn't careful, I could reveal the limits of what I knew. I'd have to counter that. But I'm terrible at subtlety, so I just opened my mouth and laid things bare.

"Look, I'm not revealing all I know, or even whether I believe the things I'm telling you," I defended.

Princess Cadance looked at her husband, and he nodded to her.

"That's fine, Twilight," she said. "We're being completely honest with you, though. We won't lie to you about the facts anymore. That was a bad idea from the beginning. We'll try not to withhold facts from you, either... with perhaps one dangerous exception that has nothing to do with being vamponies."

I was tempted to pursue that line of questioning, but it was obviously a trap. So I ignored it and continued.

"Okay. So, being vamponies makes your sex drive go over the top, which means not only do you have a lot of sex, you end up developing lots of fetishes. And I guess some of those are natural, anyway, because I think I'm starting to understand the whole dominant-pony obsequious-pony thing," I admitted. "It can be freeing on both ends, I get it now, and maybe it isn't even totally insane to do it as long as you both enjoy what you do. So that stuff is not super-weird. But chopping off your horn? That's really bucking weird, guys. Not to mention dangerous. What if you needed Cadance's magic to save the Kingdom? What then?"

The two royals looked at one another, nodded, then looked back at me. Then Cadance spoke.

"We can't fully explain the horn thing right now, because that's part of the dangerous exception I just mentioned. We'll tell you soon. But at least the enjoyment of having your horn removed must be obvious, if you truly understand dominance and submission," she said. "It's about complete control, and about being helpless. Losing your horn is... well, it's an extreme form of impotence. I'm giving everything to my husband and Master, Twilight. Everything. No limits, apart from the most basic ones needed to preserve my health and well-being—and even there, I trust Master completely with my life, just as I did when I married him."

Ugh. I hate to write this, but I started thinking about losing my horn, and... if Dash could just take my magic away and shove it up my butt... okay, part of me can see it, in some limited sense. But it's still insane. It's just as bad as removing a leg, except that your horn eventually grows back. But that takes months!

So, that's what I said. "Removing your legs would be equally impotent, and just as crazy."

"Horns grow back, Twily," said Shining.

"It takes a long time, and you'll just cut the horn off again, won't you?" I accused. (Princess Cadance's blush told me all I needed to know.)

"As my wife said, it's complicated, and we'll tell you in due time. If there's anything else, now's the time to ask it..."

Princess Cadance looked like she was straining to hear something, and then her eyes grew wide. She whispered to her prince, and Shining grimaced.

"Fuck. Take care of it, bitch," he said. She nodded and left.

It took me a moment, but I figured it out. "It's about Dashie, isn't it?" I said. (The 'Dashie' was an accident, I swear.)

Shining Armor paused for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to tell me. "Yes. She's not in your room anymore, so you must have teleported her away laaa—um, before the door was opened," he said.

"Why not let her go?"

"She's a vampony and she doesn't have control of her abilities yet. She's a danger to everypony in Canterlot," he said. "You know this is true."

I didn't want to admit it, even though it was, technically, true. "We can't let you topple the diarchy, Shining. You can't honestly expect we would sit idly by and let everything fall apart."

He sighed, and nodded. "Yes, I understand. And while some of our plans may have been ill-conceived initially—like the gross naivete of thinking we could quickly convert an entire nation to happy vamponies, and that would actually work without any snags, somehow—when Princess Celestia comes to her senses, she'll join the revolution," said Shining. "She'll support us. You'll see."

"Celestia's more stubborn than you think," I pointed out, with a smirk.

"Well, I think she's almost as stubborn as you, but not quite. Celestia has a very long lifetime of experiences, Twily. She's been through plenty of social revolutions, and even caused a few, some of which are now backfiring. She can handle change."

"I can handle change, Brother. I can't handle fucking little foals or fucking my parents, and I can't handle losing my applebucking horn, for fuck's sake! Or part of your brain! I know about the stone, by the way. All of this is abusive and ridiculous. This is wrong. There have to be limits," I pleaded.

"There are limits, and it isn't abusive. We'll try to show you that," he said. He looked back around the corner, and nodded, and Cadance returned.

"They'll find her," Cadance said to her 'Master' (bleah). "Twilight, we're only worried about her safety."

"You're worried about losing this horrifying revolution, that's what! And you can't expect me to sit around and wait for you to somehow convince me that chopping off parts of my body is a good thing," I said.

"That's true," said Shining. "The cuh—I mean, my wife misspoke. We do care about losing the revolution, but that's also grounded in not wanting ponies to be hurt."

"BBBFF, you know me. Look me in the eyes and tell me you actually think you can convince me, without any magic sex mumbo-jumbo, that a lobotomy and a cornectomy are acceptable things to do to somepony," I said, nearly spitting. "Tell me that."

I wasn't remotely prepared for what happened next.

My brother looked me in the eyes, over that small gulf of distance, and without blinking, he said, "Yes. Once we explain how it works, you will agree, even with no sex involved."

The thing is, I can tell when my brother is lying, and he wasn't lying (or at least, he didn't think he was). I'm one-hundred percent certain of that fact. What could this mean? When you've exhausted all the impossible theories, you have to accept what remains, no matter how improbable. It's impossible that I would agree to those things under any circumstance. The logic is not there, it just isn't. The only remaining possibility is this: Shining Armor is completely crazy, and he actually thinks these things make logical sense. This matches with what Celestia warned me about last night, so I understand why she pushed that idea into my head.

The problem with this is that my brother doesn't sound like a crazy pony. I don't understand it. How can he be crazy when everything he says in smaller contexts follows proper, rational logic?

I'll admit it, curiosity was burning in my brain like a ten-alarm fire. I was tempted to tell him I would sit there until he made all of the necessary arguments, just to hear what he had to say. Very tempted.

I just didn't have the time to wait, because Rainbow Dash was in trouble.

"I'm sorry, brother. I still love you, platonically I mean, but I don't have time to play these games. I need to leave now," I said, and he seemed oddly unconcerned. "When the vampony thing goes public, please don't resist. I don't want anypony hurt. We can sit down with Princess Celestia and talk about all of this, and you can even stay a vampony if you want—I would advocate for that with Celestia, even—but the revolution has to stop now." I'm certain the lines of concern were (figuratively) etched into my facial features.

Shining Armor sighed and bowed his head, then Cadance spoke.

"I'm sorry, Twilight. We can't risk letting you leave again. We can't risk open war," she said. Then I heard a teleport sound, and so I reacted on instinct. Before the spell could finish, I immediately teleported out of—

FUCK.

That's what I missed.

My subconscious tried to tell me, but I didn't listen! Maybe I didn't want to listen? Maybe I wanted to be captured—I mean, I'm sure I do, on some level. But I didn't really want it to happen. I'm just a stupid foal... a total and complete, absolute foal.

It should have been obvious. It was even the exact same scenario, for buck's sake! I'm stuck in a room in a castle, just like Celestia was when she was captured. I made the same, incredibly stupid misstep, and it was that much more stupid because I made it immediately after I'd learned it could happen. I just... I can't.

Needless to say, my teleportation did not work. It felt empty when I cast it, almost as though the target location did not exist. There had to have been a magic field of some sort blocking outgoing teleportation; it was the only explanation.

I put a force shield up immediately, of course, but it was too late. Apparently, the barrier was one-way, because a small greenish gas with a cyan shimmer to it appeared right in front of my muzzle.

The last thing I remembered before I fell unconscious? Feeling stupid, and ashamed, and a scent reminiscent of ether and vanilla...

I woke to what felt like a headache, but it turned out to be worse. First off, I was in a small room with a bed and a mirror, and a tiny bathroom adjacent. (It wasn't like how Celestia described her cell at all, for the record—either the initial guest room or the room she's now trapped in.) Princess Cadance was holding me gently in her legs. She was wearing the accessories again: golden cap on the horn stump, golden collar, golden wing-clips (not the shredding type, though), and the earrings (naturally). The accessories look a little different from what I've seen previously. Rarity is probably still experimenting with different designs, I guess.

After the inevitable bout of crying, which lasted several minutes, I started grabbing at my horn with my hooves. Cadance made no move to stop me. My horn was there, but I couldn't use it, because there was this constant vibration throttling it. It wasn't painful, but it was—it IS, rather—impossibly distracting. Worse yet, it's kind of a constant stimulation (sexually speaking), but I'm not in a sexy mood by any stretch of the imagination, so it isn't affecting me that way at the moment (thank Celestia).

Of course I realized the implications, but I tried to cast anyway, using both normal magic and dark magic. Neither would work, and it wasn't due to the lack of focus, surprisingly enough. Something about the vibration of my horn prevented me from using it as an echo chamber for mana, and even though I don't actively use my horn with dark magic, I still need that chamber effect. Very clever, Brother and Sister-in-law, I'll give you that.

In the mirror, I could see some kind of a black, rubber-looking cuff at the base of my horn, and I could sense that it was a magical item, probably with a tiny mana crystal embedded on the back side toward my cranium where I couldn't see.

Cadance waited for me to stop crying, holding me gently all the while. Then she waited for me to take inventory of my surroundings, and to learn just how screwed I was.

"This... it almost hurts," I whispered, and she leaned back to look in my eyes.

"I know," she said. "I'm so sorry. It's the only way we could think of to keep you safe, Twilight."

"I'm surprised I even have a horn. Chopping it off would stop me from casting anything," I pointed out, rather stupidly. (I was subconsciously hoping they'd just snap it off and get it over with already, I think.)

"No. We won't take your horn without your consent," she said, without blinking.

"Wait, seriously?" I asked, brow furrowed. "Even though I might be able to escape?"

Cadance nodded, and a sad smile rested on her lips. "Yes. Master forbids it, and I agree completely."

"Ah, I see. So you'll turn me first, then I'll agree because you're all bucking crazy and I will be too. Or maybe you'll lobotomize me first. Am I warm?"

"Twilight," Cadance said, looking me right in the eyes. "We're not going to infect you at all."

This brought a strange feeling into my chest. It was a terrible feeling. I started to realize that she might be denying me the right to become a vampony at all. This was the worst possible punishment I could receive. I wasn't allowed to be like they were, even though I didn't want to be? Was that it? My face must have shown an incredible amount of pain, because Cadance seemed horrified by it.

"No, Twilight! Not like that," she said in as soothing a voice as she could muster while her hooves were shaking. "If you want to be turned, of course we'll bring you into the fold. We're just not going to do it against your will."

I sighed. I'm not sure that's any better, to be honest. I can't abandon Spike and Celestia. I have to keep suffering, no matter what, if they refuse to force me to finally rest from all this pain. Maybe I deserve all of this horrific shit... I don't know, Journal. I just don't know.

"But, why not?" I asked. "I mean, you say I'll love it once I'm in, so why not just do it already, now that you can? Do you want me to suffer more?"

Cadance shook her head. "Nothing of the sort, Twilight. It's just... we've made so many mistakes with you already, thinking we could push you into this, and you've been really hurt in the process," she admitted. "Even if it would end your suffering, Master has decided that you won't be turned until you acquiesce. And you will, at some point. He was right, you know... there is sensible logic behind all this. We'll try to show you as quickly as possible, so it shouldn't take long."

As she was talking, I noticed my journal nearby on the floor, complete with a nice portable inkwell and feather quill. The well appeared to be filled with my special ink.

"Ah, great. You've read all of it, I presume," I stated (rather than asked).

"No, because we're not going to invade your privacy either. And we want you to keep writing, because this story you have, it's special. You're recording some amazing struggles, Twilight," she said, and smiled. "This book, it's something very beautiful that can come out of the ashes of such a terrible set of experiences."

I have to wonder if Cadance is lying. If she read the book, she would already know that it will at some point become a combinatorial totem, so she's probably encouraging me to write in order to complete the totem so these creepy rapists can corrupt other worlds with their sick shit, too.

You know the weird thing? I don't think she's lying, Journal. It's a really stupid mistake for them not to read you, tactically speaking. It makes no sense. But somehow, I believe her. I just don't understand why she would do this. It's not like I have much privacy left, anyway.

Maybe there's more to this than tactics. Maybe friendship lies in this madness somewhere deep and dark, in a place I still cannot grasp.

Cadance is staying by my side for the evening, and I suspect she'll be sleeping with me in this small bed (hopefully not sexually—I can't deal with that right now). Obviously I tried to remove the cuff, but it's stuck on my horn. I don't know if it's held by glue or what, but they did a good job. They took no chance this time, which means that now I have no chance. I just have to hope either Spike or Dash succeeds (preferably both, of course), and that Dashie and Celestia are doing okay.

She's going to put me to sleep after I'm done writing, either with a spell or drugs. There's no way I can sleep naturally with this buzzing in my horn. It's maddening. I don't even know if this entry will even come out with proper grammar. (Of course, I'm still aiming for that.)

Dear Celestia, please save me. After you save yourself, of course. I'm so sorry for being this bucking stupid.