I no longer have the ability to describe in advance how horrible some of these entries are going to be. This one is clearly the worst yet, even though for some reason I'm not as emotionally scarred by it as I probably should be. I think I'm getting used to this on some level, and that worries me, but what can I do?

As I tried to fall asleep, I remembered Spike. I had warned him that he might be a target, but it wasn't until then that I realized I never had the chance to tell him Zecora had been compromised! At least, if there were any vampony who would leave Spike alone, it would probably be her. But I'd need to tell the Crusaders to contact him with that information.

I passed out more quickly than I thought I would. I woke with a sore back and neck as somepony gently poked at me.

I opened my eyes. It was still night, and Apple Bloom was standing over me. I could see Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo behind her. I should have been concerned about why all three of them were awake in the middle of the night on a weekday, but my mind was foggy.

"Twilight? You okay there?" said Apple Bloom.

"Hm, wha?" I said, blinking. "Oh, girls. I was hoping I'd, um... bump into you." I shook my head to clear out the cobwebs, and the other two Crusaders approached.

"Well, you certainly did that," said Scootaloo. "Is there something going on?"

I nodded and pushed myself up into a sitting position against the wall of the treehouse. "Yes, there is," I said. "Everypony in Equestria is in grave danger. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, you two are especially endangered, because members of your families have been compromised."

"Wait, what?" said Sweetie Belle. "Did somepony do something bad to Rarity? Is she okay?" Sweetie seemed unnervingly calm as she asked questions, but this wasn't too surprising. The Crusaders have seen their share of apocalypses before (Tartarus, they've even caused some of them).

"Rarity isn't... herself anymore. She's been sucked into a strange kind of cult that messes with your mind, and they're trying to take over Equestria," I explained. For a moment, I froze up, mentally—I hadn't considered how I would talk to the CMC about the sexual elements of the vampony menace. What could I safely tell them without snapping their little minds? Internally I cursed myself for not thinking this through more in advance.

"Well, we're here for ya now," said Apple Bloom, as she sat next to me and hugged me from the side. "If anypony can save our families, it's Princess Twilight Sparkle."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I said. "But this isn't a force to be underestimated. Several of our friends have turned into monsters already. They seem normal on the surface, but there's some kind of dark magic that transforms them when they let it out. They're called vamponies."

"That sounds kinda far-fetched," said Sweetie Belle. "Rarity was saying that you went, well... a little nuts after your trip."

"She doesn't look nuts to me," said Scootaloo.

"I'm sure," I said. "Rarity is one of them already, as are Big Macintosh and Cheerilee. I think Granny Smith and Thunderlane now too. Pinkie Pie's been turned but she's been helping me anyway, though I don't think that's going to continue much longer. Also my brother, Princess Cadance, Fluttershy, and probably Princess Luna."

"What about Applejack?" asked Apple Bloom. "I know she's supposed to be in Canterlot on business but Big Mac hasn't given us any details."

"She's been kidnapped by them and she's probably one of them by now," I said, frowning. "I hate letting you in on all of this but you need to do everything in your power to stay safe. For Apple Bloom that might even mean running away from home for a while."

"What about Rainbow Dash?" asked Scootaloo.

"She's in Canterlot, hiding from the vamponies. Hopefully she'll be able to find somepony who will believe her, but the Royal Guard is compromised, as are many of the nobles," I said. "Oh gosh—it sounds so depressing when I say it out loud. We're really in dire straits. Even Zecora's one of them, although she allowed me to escape. After warning the three of you I'm headed back to Canterlot."

"Zecora?" said Apple Bloom. "That's weird. Mac never mentioned..." she said, then froze in place.

Something was very wrong. I should have teleported out of the treehouse at that instant, but I was too shocked and I didn't want to believe it. Instead, I took a quick glance around the room. One of the blankets I'd been using had been tossed in the corner, and there were lumps underneath. Apparently, the girls had dropped some objects on the floor and covered it up before waking me.

I could see something peeking out from the corner of the blanket, but it took me a moment to disambiguate what it was.

It was a wooden shoe. Not the rubber sort that Rarity had prototyped earlier, but a shoe carved out of actual wood. It was foal-sized.

"No!" I yelped, and I tried to stand. Apple Bloom latched onto my back with her hind legs which sent me reeling back to the floor, given that she's substantially heavier than I am. One of her forehooves grasped my horn firmly, almost painfully.

"We're really sorry about this, Twilight," said Sweetie Belle, visibly wincing as she straightened my hind legs against the floor and pulled my tail down between them. This gave Apple Bloom a less awkward hold on my body. She was pinned between the wall and my back, but that didn't help me. I lacked the strength and leverage to do any damage at all to an earth pony grappling me from behind, even a foal Apple Bloom's size. I considered kicking at Sweetie and Scootaloo, but I couldn't see what good hurting them would do me.

So I teleported across the room... or at least, I tried. Nothing happened. Apple Bloom's hold on my horn felt very strange. It was like when Big Macintosh had held me. My horn felt empty, like there was a constant suppression of mana flow. I tried to access dark magic, which the ounckses don't block, but that didn't work either. I was helpless, and I started hyperventilating.

"Just relax Twilight, you're gonna be okay," Apple Bloom whispered sweetly into my ear. "This is for your own good, y'hear?"

"This, this can't be happening," I said, gasping for air. "Please let me go! You don't know what you're doing," I pleaded.

"Oh, we know," said Scootaloo with a grin, as she and Sweetie Belle tugged my body toward the center of the wall. Sweetie Belle sat on my hind legs, while Apple Bloom's grip kept my forelegs behind my neck. Scootaloo stood by my side.

"I know this is real hard for you Twilight," said Sweetie Belle. "But we need you to be a brave pony, okay? We're not going to harm you."

"I can't believe it. I won't believe that Rarity and Big Macintosh would do this to you!" I whined. "Not even under the influence of the vampony curse would they be so depraved."

"It ain't a curse, and we ain't vamponies yet," Apple Bloom whispered softly into my ear, just barely loud enough that the others could hear her. "But we're with the Order, and we've been broken already."

"And lost our marbles," said Scootaloo, walking over to lift the blanket up. "Might as well put the collars back on, at least," she said, and hoofed them out. Scootaloo had a granite collar, while Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom had wood. Once again, the items looked solid, nothing like the rubber prototypes. Left lying on the floor were a couple of granite wing-clips, a small ounckse with a wooden torus caged inside it, and four small wooden shoes.

"Master was nice enough to give us the keys for them so we could hide the collars and stuff when we woke you up," said Sweetie Belle. "Oh—I mean Master Big Macintosh, of course."

I shut my eyes and held back tears. There was something bothering me even more than the state of being pinned down and helpless.

I liked this.

Look, Journal, I know it's wrong in every possible way. But I'm pretty sure it's partly why I paused rather than reacting immediately. Something about the idea of being held captive by these young foals was affecting me emotionally. It wasn't erotic (at least not initially), but it was personal and wonderful. These fillies looked up to me, and wanted to be close to me, to help me... It fulfilled a strange need in my belly. It was a lot like when I'd been held by my parents. Even if I was only 'wanted' because the vamponies needed to stop me from ruining their plans, I still felt wanted. The Crusaders cared enough about me to put themselves in danger, and on some level I didn't want to stop them from what they were going to do to me.

Plus, the temptation of ending the fight by finally giving up... it still constantly tugs at me, even now from the safety of this sanctuary I'm in.

So I struggled, but not very hard. I don't think I could have broken free even if I were trying my hardest, but I realize now that I wasn't trying my hardest. Feeling Apple Bloom's warm breath on the back of my neck, looking into Sweetie's smiling face as she held my hind legs in place... They wanted to help me. I wanted to give them what they wanted, even though I didn't understand why they wanted it.

"I'm so s-sorry," I said, sniffling. I realized it made no sense, but I felt guilty for opposing them.

"Aww," said Sweetie Belle, frowning. "It's okay, Twilight. We're going to make you all better, we promise!"

"Just try to relax, alright?" said Scootaloo. "The more you resist, the more it's gonna hurt, and we really don't want that."

"If you're not vamponies, why are you doing this? Can't you see that this is wrong?" I asked. My pleading was soft, because I could already tell it wasn't going to work.

Apple Bloom sighed. "You're too fixed-up for us to have a logical conversation, Twi. There ain't nothin' wrong with what the vamponies are doin'."

"They're raping—"

"No, they're not," Sweetie Belle interrupted, rolling her eyes. "They're making love to each other, and they're doing it so everypony can join and grow closer in friendship."

"Have... have they been... molesting you?" I asked gently, weakly searching for a logical out.

"You mean are we having sex with Cheerilee and Big Mac and Rarity and Granny Smith and Pinkie Pie and Caramel?" asked Scootaloo. "Of course we are, silly."

I had the presence of mind to make a mental note that Caramel was a vampony, but I should have seen that one coming. I presume Fluttershy is still using him to tend to her animals while she acts as regent in the Crystal Kingdom.

"Yep. And it's wonderful, and soon you'll be with us too, darlin'," Apple Bloom whispered in my ear, in a tone far too seductive for a foal her age. I felt my groin throb, and I shut my eyes tight in response.

I took a deep breath. "Okay, then can you at least explain why you're in the Order?"

"With the Order of Spring," Scootaloo corrected me. "It's not something you're in. And we're with it because it's right. I mean, how else can we explain it?"

"But what in unholy Tartarus could have convinced you to have sex with Apple Bloom's grandmother?" I asked, the distaste more than apparent in my voice. I was trying not to conjure up images in my mind, and currently winning the battle, if only because the thought was so ridiculous.

"Oh, you mean why aren't we afraid of sex no more," Apple Bloom rephrased. "It ain't complicated. They forced us into it one by one, I mean the sex part at least, but the mudblood helped make it happen."

"Also losing our marbles, but that came later," said Sweetie Belle.

"Mudblood?" I asked.

"It's this stuff that comes out of darkhooves. Er, that's what you call an earth pony vampony," said Apple Bloom. "Our hooves split open when the wolf comes out, and they dribble this sweet gooey blood-like stuff."

"There isn't an actual wolf," said Scootaloo. "That's, um..."

"Figurative?" said Sweetie Belle.

"Yeah, that," said Scootaloo. "Anyway, if you touch mudblood, it temporarily turns you into a vampony."

"Oh, the hoofgoo," I said. "So you're not vamponies, but..."

"...but we've been vamponies a few times, yep," finished Apple Bloom. "And now we're good cunts like we should be."

"It only took one transformation to, you know, make us not be all screwed up in the head like most adults are," said Sweetie Belle. "Um, no offense, Twilight."

"There's other stuff too, but that happens later," said Scootaloo. "It's kind of complicated. All that matters is that we're happy now, and you're gonna be happy too, if you'd just stop fighting so much!"

"Scoots, ponies fear what they don't understand," said Apple Bloom, "even our good friend Princess Twilight Sparkle. She'll come around soon enough, I know it."

"What do you want from me?" I asked, my voice soft and my spirit broken. "You're just holding me here until Mac arrives, I guess?"

"Pretty much, yeah. I guess Master thought the three of us could talk some sense into you? Obviously, that ain't happenin' yet," Apple Bloom continued. "So we'll hold you here to keep you from hurtin' yourself any more than you already done."

"It's not going to be easy," said Scootaloo. "Even if we brought the wolf out of you, you'd still probably be messed up inside. You're a real special case, so it's gonna take time and a lot of love and friendship to break you."

"I wish we could make things easy for you Twilight. We really are your friends," said Sweetie Belle, idly tugging on my tail with her hooves. "Why won't you give your friends and family a chance?"

"I'm sorry," I said flatly. "I... I shouldn't feel sorry because this isn't my fault, but I'm sorry. I believe you're trying to 'help' me, but you're the ones being hurt right now."

"How do you figure?" asked Apple Bloom. "You mean we're bein' hurt by you resistin' us? I was hopin' you'd figure that out and decide to finally play nice."

"No. You're being harmed by having sexual experiences with your family," I said. "I can't believe I have to explain this, even to a foal." I briefly flexed against Apple Bloom as an attempt to see if I could break free, and she only gripped me tighter.

"We're not hurt," said Scootaloo. "You're the one who's hurting. And I can't believe I have to explain that, especially to a princess."

"You're not emotionally mature enough to handle sex," I said. All three Crusaders groaned and rolled their eyes.

"Oh please! Look who's talkin'," said Apple Bloom. "You're hardly mature enough to masturbate, Twilight."

"Yeah," said Sweetie Belle. "We do fine with sex. You're the one with the problem."

Then Scootaloo added, "We know you still haven't been with a stallion—"

"THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!" I shouted. Sweetie and Scootaloo each backed up a step.

"Oh, um, riiiiight," said Sweetie Belle, faking a smile.

"Don't remind her she's messed up, girls," said Apple Bloom. "She needs our love and support right now because she's hurtin' inside."

"Oh! I know," said Sweetie Belle, and she dove between my hind legs. She pulled my tail hard and reached down, kissing me right on the ponut.

"No, no please," I gasped, revulsed as much by the twinge of pleasure in my nethers as the idea that a foal could be screwed up enough to want to kiss me there. "Sweetie Belle, that's just, it's not r-right for you to do that..."

"It IS right," Apple Bloom whispered in my ear, this time too softly for anypony else to hear. "It's right as a mid-Summer's rain, sugarcube. Don't fight it."

"Here Sweetie, catch," said Scootaloo, tossing her a small box.

"I don't think I need any wet wipes," said Sweetie Belle, setting the box down. "Twilight's really clean down here. You probably have to do that when you're a princess."

"I, I just had a bath," I said, then wondered why I bothered saying it.

"Well, good. Anything to distract her while I handle the wing," said Scootaloo.

I didn't have a chance to ask what that meant. Scootaloo started using her mouth and tongue on the edge of my left wing, which promptly exploded open.

"You're really not preening right," she accused me. "You need somepony to help you learn."

I thought I'd been preening just fine, but I took her at her word. Why hadn't Dash ever told me, I wondered? Was it some kind of embarrassment?

Scootaloo only preened the edge of my wing before my wingboner (can't believe I'm writing that) took over. Then she stopped and held my wing firmly in her forehooves.

"Try to relax, Twilight," said Sweetie Belle. She tugged on my tail and planted her lips right on my ponut again, but this time she didn't withdraw. I could feel her tongue pushing against the sphincter, and my hind legs began to shake.

Then, the pain hit me like an anvil from the sky.

I yelped, and gasped. This was new pain, something I'd never felt before, because it was from a relatively new part of my body. My wing jerked in place as Scootaloo held it firm, and I saw her spit a primary feather out onto the floor.

"What are you doing?" I yelled, as tears rimmed my eyes.

"We gotta keep you from flyin' to Canterlot, Twi," said Apple Bloom. "Like we said, we're real sorry about all this. If you don't fight it, it ain't gonna hurt that much."

"That hurt like crazy!" I said, gasping for breath.

"I guess I'll go slower then," said Scootaloo, "but it's gonna sting, so try to keep your mind on Sweetie Belle's tongue."

I suddenly remembered I had a filly's tongue up my asshole. It wasn't a vampony tongue, so it wasn't up very far—but even the idea made me ill.

I sniffed, clenched my eyes tight, and started crying.

I felt Sweetie Belle disengage and I heard her smack her lips. "Oh Twilight, please don't cry," she said. I felt her wipe my eyes with tissues, and I opened them. She pouted sadly at me.

"I'll let you have a hoof free if you promise not to cause trouble," said Apple Bloom. Unable to speak a reply, I just nodded. She released my non-dextrous forehoof from her grasp and adjusted her hold on my horn. The grip sent a small pleasurable sensation through my skull, yet another unrequested benefit.

I took some tissues with my hoof and cried into them. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Aww, nuts. This is awful," moaned Scootaloo.

"Twilight, you don't think we like doing this, do you?" asked Sweetie Belle.

"No, but I'm, I'm..." I said, then choked up.

"I just realized something... I hope we don't get our cutie marks for this," said Scootaloo.

"Oh no. That would be terrible!" said a distraught Sweetie Belle. "Although... what would a rape cutie mark even look like?"

"Hay, at this point, I'd take it," said Apple Bloom.

"Twilight, you're being really mean to us. We don't want to rape you!" said Scootaloo.

"B-but, then why..." I stammered.

"We gotta do this for your own good. You're the only pony with any control here," said Apple Bloom.

"You need to..." said Scootaloo, before yanking a second primary feather.

I don't remember the rest of that sentence. I actually saw stars that time. Rainbow Dash had mentioned that it hurts to have a primary yanked out, but this was beyond anything I could have imagined.

"Please stop," I whispered.

"Then consent," said Sweetie Belle. "Stop raping us."

"Yeah," said Apple Bloom. "I can't believe Twilight Sparkle would rape the Cutie Mark Crusaders, no matter how fixed-up in the head she is. It just ain't right. It's not who you are, Twilight."

I blinked a few times in a row, and then began to laugh. It was a nervous, crazy laugh, but I couldn't stop it from coming out.

"Uh-oh," said Scootaloo, grimacing.

"Me? You actually think that I'm raping you?" I said, giggling madly all the while. "Of course! That, that, why, that makes p-perfect sense!" My body shook partly from the laughter, and partly from something else that was causing convulsions in my belly.

"I think we might of broke her brain a little. Not in the good way, though," said Apple Bloom. "Relax, Twi. Please, just calm down for a bit."

"Well, but it is rape," said Sweetie Belle with a frown, as she started to gently massage my vulva with a hoof. Apple Bloom held my other hoof back again, so I couldn't stop the little unicorn from molesting my pussy. "And you're the only pony who can stop it. If you love us, you'll stop the rape."

"I know you care about us Twilight. Please don't fight anymore. Consent," begged Scootaloo. "We know this is hard for you, but we don't deserve to be raped."

My muscles went slack. "I don't understand, I, I can't even..." I whispered. "Please, I just want things to go back the way they were."

"Things can't all go back, but your friendships will return the moment you give in," said Apple Bloom. "Now, I have a trick to teach you that I learned from Zecora—before she was a vampony, I mean. I didn't know about that yet."

"Oh! What's a zebra vampony look like? Do you know?" asked Sweetie Belle, her eyes wide with wonder.

"Ask her later, Sweetie," admonished Scootaloo. "Although, do you know anything about Rainbow Dash?"

"She already told us all she knew," said Sweetie Belle. "Although Rarity was telling me Rainbow Dash might end up being a Mistress."

"You mean a Lady?" said Apple Bloom. "I mean, obviously she'll be emancipated, even if she's a normal cunt, because of her powers and all."

"No, I mean a full Mistress! Rarity's guessing that she's the right type," said Scootaloo.

"Does that mean she'll have a cock?" asked Sweetie Belle. "That's weird."

"No, it don't mean that," said Apple Bloom. "I don't think so, anyway."

"Well, it doesn't matter. As long as we're yoked I don't care what Rainbow Dash is. I'd be a sister cunt by her side in a heartbeat." Scootaloo was stroking a feather with a hoof, and I knew it was going to yank it at any moment. The suspense was almost worse than having it yanked. Actually, given that the suspense was constant, it was worse.

"Anyway, as I was sayin', Zecora taught me a trick to overcome pain. You don't want this to hurt no more, do you?" she asked me.

"N-no more hurt," I gasped. My clit throbbed when Sweetie Bumped it, and she grinned up at me with a naughty expression. I felt guilty for enjoying it, but the pleasure was almost robbing my senses.

"Here's the trick. All you gotta do to deal with acute pain is this: don't fight it. Let the pain inside you, accept that it's there, and it won't hurt half as bad," said Apple Bloom. "It's a lot like the Order. Once you say, 'okay pain, I'm gonna let you be there, and when it happens I'll have won', if you mean it, it'll work."

"Okay," I whispered, no longer able to resist regardless.

"On three," said Scootaloo. "One, two... three." She yanked out another primary, but somehow I avoided tensing my muscles.

I barely felt it. It worked! It still hurt a lot, but the pain wasn't a part of me, in a manner of speaking.

"That's... that's so much better," I said, relaxing more into Apple Bloom. Scootaloo let out a huge sigh of relief.

"I'll try to distract you down here," said Sweetie Belle, and she began to suck on one of my teats. Distracting doesn't begin to describe the sensations I was having. I felt it was wrong to enjoy it, but I needed the distraction, so I let the feelings in. I let myself feel things nopony should ever feel toward a filly.

"Think of Sweetie lovin' you down there as a reward for bein' a good cunt," said Apple Bloom.

"A g-good cunt," I repeated, almost mindlessly. My pussy was dripping wet, and Sweetie Belle's hoof was making gross sounds against it.

"Is this all my fault?" I whispered, asking nopony in particular. It was just how I felt, and the words came out of my muzzle without me thinking them first.

"Nope," said Scootaloo. "If you stop fighting, it isn't your fault. You don't mean to be fixed-up in the head. Nopony does." She yanked another feather. I winced, but it still wasn't that bad.

"Okay," I croaked deep in my throat, and Scootaloo began pulling feather after feather. It was painful, but she was making progress quickly now that I'd given in.

"We're real sorry, Twilight. But you'll be broken soon, and you're gonna be so happy once you are," said Apple Bloom. "One day you'll look back on this and laugh, and you'll remember how silly you were."

"I don't deserve to live after b-being touched like this," I murmured.

Sweetie Belle released my teat and looked up. "Twilight, don't say that!" she said, then licked the glistening wetness from her hoof.

"She don't know no better, Sweetie," said Apple Bloom. "I knew this was gonna be hard on all of us, but I had no idea it'd be this hard. You know we really do love you, Twilight."

Sweetie Belle spread my pussy open and lowered her head. "Wow, girls. She really is a virgin."

Despite all the horror, pain, and open embarrassment, I blushed at that. I could feel the fire in my cheeks.

"We're not supposed to pop her," said Scootaloo.

"I know that," said Sweetie Belle. "My hoof's probably small enough to full-hoof her without popping it, though."

"Cherries ain't that important, but it's somethin' you should have a say in," Apple Bloom whispered in my ear. "Feathers grow back, though."

The last primary feather came out, sending a shock of pain into my back. Scootaloo let go of my wing. "All done," she said.

"Thank goodness," sighed Apple Bloom.

"I'm not doing the other wing, though," she added. "One should be enough since she's not an expert flyer."

Sweetie Belle began sucking and licking my vulva, and I whined with pleasure. The sounds from her muzzle indicated she enjoyed it too, even though that was clearly impossible.

"Twilight, you can be one of Master's bitches until we get things settled in Canterlot. Your brother's worried sick about you," she said. "No cunt like you should have a pussy this neglected. I hear there's a few stallions you know already lined up and waitin' to teach you all about cock."

My mind whirled. It still made no sense that Apple Bloom could change this rapidly. Does sex do this to ponies? How could anything do this?

"I, I still don't understand how they changed you like this! Foals shouldn't act like this—none of this makes any bucking sense," I said.

Just then, all three Crusaders gasped.

"W-what is it?" I said, suddenly more alert, but frightened that I'd done something wrong. As unlikely as it sounds, I still felt terribly guilty inside. At some level, I think I was worried I might not be acting like a good cunt.

"Ohhhh, you said a bad word," said Sweetie Belle.

"Wh-what?" I gasped, stunned.

"The b-word," said Scootaloo. "I guess it's not a bad word if you use it right, but you used it as a bad word!"

"Master'll have to wash your mouth out with soap," admonished Apple Bloom.

"Or else something that tastes a little like soap," giggled Sweetie Belle.

Scootaloo's muzzle scrunched up in thought. "I don't think it tastes like soap."

"Eh, just a little bit," said Apple Bloom. "It's an acquired taste, Twilight, but don't worry: it don't take long to acquire it."

I started laughing again. "You, you can't be serious," I said, my body shaking. "You're talking about cunts and cocks and pussies, and all I say is 'bucking'—"

Sweetie Belle gasped, and Scootaloo rolled her eyes.

"Oh, it ain't that big of a deal, she's a big pony," said Apple Bloom. "But yeah, you're a cunt too so you'll probably get punished."

"Sexy punishment?" asked Sweetie Belle, clopping her forehooves together.

"Well, duh," said Scootaloo.

"Ow, kinda cramped here," said Apple Bloom, and then she shifted holding my horn from one hoof to another. Except she missed with the second hoof, and I knew I had a chance.

If it were up to my conscious mind, I'm not sure what would have happened then. I might have given in and fucked all three of those little girls like the montstrous pedofoal I've become, then waited for Big Macintosh with a silly grin on my face. I didn't know I had any fight left in me, but it came out practically autonomically.

I teleported across the room and jumped out the window.

The fact that I hadn't put any thought into this became apparent as I opened my wings and began spiralling toward the earth like a whirligig seed made out of lead.

"Shit shit shit!" I shouted as I slammed into the ground, almost winding me.

"Run, girls!" shouted Apple Bloom, and all three Crusaders bounded out of the treehouse to face me.

"You got a potty mouth," accused Sweetie Belle. I backed away toward the bush that contained my pack, and I saw a streak of red in the distance. Big Macintosh was at full gallop, and I had at most a few seconds of freedom remaining.

Fortunately, I'd rehearsed this.

I swiftly removed the prepared scroll from the sack, wrapped it around the sack, and cast two spells.

The first spell caused a small descending helix of dragonfire to fall toward my head.

The second spell turned me into a breezie.

"Not today, assholes," I said in a silly high-pitched breezie voice as I hugged the pack tight and wore the scroll like a cloak. The dragonfire hit, and after a painful, burning lurch sensation, I was gone.

The last thing I remember seeing was Sweetie Belle starting to cry. I still feel bad about that final dig. It was uncalled for. I've just been through a lot of shit nopony should ever, ever have to endure.

Now I'm finally safe, thanks to a few tricks I still have up my sleeve. The scroll I had teleported through only had four words written on it, right at the very top:

Dear Princess Celestia (Private),

Nopony has been in Princess Celestia's bedchamber, and nopony knows I'm here right now. It's time to hatch my plan to turn this nightmare around.

I wish I knew what that plan was. Coltnapping my brother is the only idea I have right now, and I don't know how many lectures it will take to get him to realize he's insane.

I need to sleep. I don't think Celestia will mind if I use her bed, considering the circumstances, but I hope I can wash the sheets before she returns. Dear Stars above, I hate myself right now.

I'm not leaving any extra space after this entry. Nothing more should ever be said about what just happened.