Before Pinkie gets back, I have to put something down that will be relevant to my discussion with her (so it belongs in this entry). I have an amazing idea! I remembered I know how to create an enchanted scrying crystal I can use for "television" (you know, the act of seeing things from a distance through a magical window), and I have the materials here with me. So I've put one together. (I've also made it work for telehearing, but not telesmelling because that seems excessive and I'm kind of afraid of what might happen.)

My hope is that Pinkie can sneak into Rarity's workshop and I can get a closer look at what she's doing. Pinkie's not a bad source of information, but a picture is worth a thousand words. Or several thousand Pinkie words, given that Pinkie is a bit, um, long-winded. Sorry, but it's true. And I trust her descriptions, but I think they might be a little jumbled in her head sometimes. She doesn't have the exacting eye for detail that Rarity and I do. Pinkie seems to rely instead on intuitive and emotional leaps, which tend to be right more often than not. I suspect this means it's her subconscious that actually doing all the heavy lifting and data organization. It's a personality thing, and it intrigues me. (This is Pinkie all the time, too, not just the vampony stuff.)

Okay, it's nearly sunset and Pinkie is not here yet. I've decided to speak with Zecora about the horn thing.

The basement looks like a production warehouse. Zecora was able to use some spare containers I have here and there are literally dozens of vials of potions and powders being prepared.

"Hay Zecora. How are things?" I asked.

"Preparations underway, that is all I have to say," she said, and smirked. (I don't think I've ever seen her do that before.)

"Can you tell me what all this is for?" I asked. "I can definitely use your help, but are you sure we're going to need all of this?"

"Worry not, my little pony: none of my prescription's phony. To combat vampony plans, I have brewed what our need demands. This, to start, should offer proof. Come here and hold out your hoof," she rhymed.

I offered my hoof up to Zecora, and she sprinkled just a tiny bit of red powder onto it. Almost immediately I felt my muscles tense. I quickly withdrew my hoof.

"Yikes! Some kind of a paralytic agent?" I asked.

"Yes, I do believe you see. It's best when delivered with tea," she offered.

"Huh. That might come in handy. What about the rest of these?"

"Some are yet experiments, other vials are for defense. You can read about them here: scan this pamphlet front to rear." Zecora hoofed me a small folded pamphlet she had apparently written information on about her preparations. I glanced through it. Here's the checklist of what we have so far:

* Sixty-nine large vials of paralytic powder, enough to poison all of Ponyville, should it come to that. Zecora took care to ensure that the effective dose is very far from the lethal dose (it's nearly impossible to take in a lethal amount).

* Thirty-four elixirs which suppress libido (Zecora used the word 'fix', actually), two doses each. I'd love more of these, but she says materials are limited. Apparently, wolfsbane is an ingredient (even though they should work well on non-vamponies(?); I'll need to look into the botany behind this soon).

* Thirteen pale, semi-transparent unguents which cure wounds and sterilize, many doses each. These might stop a vampony infection before it starts, but only if applied minutes after a bite, so these are probably only useful for first aid.

* Thirty chartreuse potions of suggestibility, which produce euphoria, sedate the victim, and make it easier for them to both comply and tell the truth. These have a flexible variety of uses (described below).

* Twenty-six tiny pills of vivid azure. Obviously concentrated Poison Joke, these should come in handy even though the effects are unpredictable. They're covered in a thin film of protectant that will dissolve in any aqueous solution.

* Sixty-three tubes of shimmering orange liquid. She says these are a surprise she'll show me later; they're not quite ready because they have to rest longer.

Zecora says she is planning thirty-nine more of the potions, and that's what she's working on now. The potions can be condensed with magic into small tablets that can be sprinkled into food, but they grow in the stomach so they should be taken on an empty stomach (lest the subject emesis from an overflowing tummy). She also has some experimental solutions to try on Pinkie Pie, but those can wait until she has more time to calibrate their potential effects.

I'm still not sure why we need so much of this stuff, but she seems to know what she's doing, and I trust her. I suspect she has plans that she knows will enmesh with my own, since I'm basically the boss for our little resistance.

Okay. So, I broached the subject. Ugh.

"Zecora, I need to conduct an experiment, but it's a little sensitive. I need somepony to grab my horn, firmly. I want to see if contact can inhibit magic, and if so, how," I said, unsuccessfully avoiding a blush. "There's nothing in Equestrian texts about this, but evidence is starting to pile up that there might be something to it."

"Twilight, I appreciate your honesty, but we should wait. I am your mentor, and we must maintain relationships of trust. I think that Pinkie might be best to put your theory to the test," she said, but smiled despite her deep blush. It looked like she was suppressing a giggle, but I assume I must have looked rather silly.

Was I the only adult unicorn in Equestria who didn't know that horns had an erotic component to them? What is happening to my world? Innocence, I miss you dearly, even though I shouldn't.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention something troubling. After speaking with Zecora I stepped out onto the balcony (night had just fallen), and I found the strangest thing. It's definitely Rarity's work, and it has her cutie mark emblazoned on the flat side, but it isn't hidden like the symbols on the collars and such. Not that it would be, anyway, since Rarity's a mare and I think only stallions are running the show (stallions in charge—so bizarre). But her cutie mark is done up in sapphires, and it's an exquisite piece of work, even for her.

Anyway, the device seems to be made out of stainless steel. It's very smooth, and it's shaped like a sphere with one end tapered, and the other end narrowed but then flaring outward into that flat surface with her cutie mark on it. It looks a lot like a doorstop, but it's ridiculously fancy for a doorstop (even for Zecora, who has some highly elaborate doorstops) so I have no idea what it could be? It was just sitting there right on the balcony, wet from the recent rain. It smells rather pleasant, a little like burnt spices and saffron.

So here's the problem: how did it get up there? Does this mean Rarity was on our balcony? Does she already know I'm here? Maybe Spike has some idea. I want to ask him what he thinks, but he's napping. I don't understand why he's so tired lately, but he's been under a significant amount of stress, so I'm letting him doze. I'm keeping all the blinds down as usual (and I have them set up for total coverage), so even if she was up there she shouldn't have been able to see in.

Pinkie Pie returned while I was writing the last part. She had saddlebags on, in addition to the usual collar, shoes, and earrings. She wasn't wearing her ninja outfit, but she did come in by the balcony.

"Hi Twilight!" she said, jumping in and immediately assaulting me with words. "Today was super busy at Sugarcube Corner. Rarity came by like twice and the Cakes were watching me like hawks. Well, not really like hawks, more like ponies. But like ponies who think they're hawks, maybe? Twilight, do the Cakes think they're birds?!" she said in a single breath, then gasped for air and probably also dramatic effect.

"Pinkie, please stop talking for a second. I need you to be serious," I said.

"I am serious! Anyway, I think I should talk to Rarity about what you said I could do—"

"Actually, that's a great idea," I said, interrupting her before she could sidetrack again. "I have a crystal you can wear that will let me see and hear anything it's pointed at. I was hoping you could sneak into Rarity's shop while she's asleep so I could get a closer look at what she's doing."

"Oooooooooooooo," said Pinkie as she took the crystal from me. "Maybe I can hang it on my forelock?"

"Why not your collar or as a necklace?" I asked.

"Oh, I think Rarity really wouldn't like that," said Pinkie Pie. "And I don't wanna upset her because she's still pretty nice to me mostly. And maybe it'd be nice for you to see what she has to say?"

"I doubt that, but it's an idea. Anyway, Zecora's been milling up potions downstairs like crazy, and... oh!" I said, reaching back to grab the device off the table. "I found this outside the balcony. Did you leave it there? I'm concerned Rarity might know I'm here. I'm not prepared to fight off half-a-dozen vamponies yet."

Pinkie took the device and blushed. "Hee hee! Oh Twilight. Don't you know what this is?"

"I figured it was a 'dildo' thing, or something," I said.

Pinkie shook her head. "I'll tell you later when you're less snippy. But it is a sexy thing, yep! Is it Spike's?"

Judging from Pinkie's reaction, I must have made a pretty nasty-looking face just then.

"Pinkie, no. I found it on the balcony. Rarity doesn't even know Spike is here, and a sex device thing is not something for little boy dragons," I said. "I'm sure she'd like the idea, but I doubt she planted it there."

"Hmmm," said Pinkie, narrowing her eyes. "Well, if you say so!"

"Oh, and I cured the vampony curse!" I smiled.

Pinkie's face fell. "Awww!" she pouted.

"Pinkie!"

"But it's so much fun, Twilight! I guess it's okay if you feel better now, though..."

I sighed. "Well, that's the thing. I don't. I'm still really horny and I don't know why. But I know the infection is 100% cured. I don't understand what's wrong with me."

"Being horny is normal, Twilight. That's all part of being a pony," insisted Pinkie Pie. "You were weird before and now you know what it's like for other ponies."

"How am I supposed to manage this?" I asked her.

"I dunno! But if you became a vampony all the way, it would be a lot easier. You could always cure it again, right?" she asked.

"I don't know if it works once the infection is complete yet," I said. "I'm not willing to test becoming a vampony on myself, either. It's too much of a risk."

"Well, that's silly. You don't know what you're missing! Please please please don't cure me though, I really really really really really love being a darkhoof," said Pinkie, and she grinned an unnerving fangy grin.

"I... I respect your wishes for now, Pinkie. The spell doesn't work on other ponies yet anyway, and it will be a long time before I manage to pull that off," I explained.

(Pinkie Pie breathed a huge sigh of relief.)

"So, will you do it?" I said.

"You want me to go to the Carousel Boutique tonight?" asked Pinkie Pie.

I shook my head. "Tomorrow night. I need to run a few more tests."

"Oh! That's good. Hay, I was thinking, I know a pony who probably isn't a vampony and might be able to help you out! And he might think you're crazy in the noggin because of Rarity, but I'm sure you can convince him otherwise. You need friends right now, right?" she asked.

"Who?" I said.

"Hoo!" said Owlowiscious. (I've been neglecting him a little. I'll spend some time with him before bed.)

"Thunderlane! He's one of the strongest fliers in Ponyville, and he's a stallion, which is something you don't have on your side yet, right?" said Pinkie Pie.

"Wow. Actually, that's a great idea, Pinkie. But how will you get him in unseen? I don't want to wait until tomorrow night because we need to move on this plan and I can't trust anyone but Spike and Zecora during the viewing," I said.

"Well, if I have a key to the library, I can just come and go and it will look normal, like I'm looking after the place while you and Spike are gone. I can bring him here then, and we'll just say he needed to do some flight research or something. But you should probably think that up because dorky excuses are really more your department," said Pinkie.

"Perfect, there are extra keys, and that makes sense. It's a plan, then. You bring Thunderlane, but don't tell him anything about what's going on. We don't want to frighten him off and blow our cover," I said.

"One thing first, Twilight," said Pinkie Pie, and she pulled out something from her saddlebags.

A marble collar and marble earrings, the smaller second-generation type.

"Pinkie that is not funny," I said, shuddering.

"No no no! Twilight, your earrings are like, waaay too distracting now. They're huge and they draw attention," said Pinkie.

"Well, if you have a tool to remove them, then you can just take them out, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, but then you'll have these huge ear holes."

"What? Rarity said those were temporary!"

"She wasn't exactly right about that. But this here," said Pinkie Pie, gesturing to the middle of the marble earring, "will fix your ear-holes in just a few days. They're designed to stretch it back to a normal shape. And in the meantime it will look a lot less conspiracus. Cornacopious?"

"Conspicuous," I corrected.

"Yep! That's the one."

"But the collar is ridiculous. There's just no way."

"It might fool the vamponies into thinking you're already under control, doncha think? At least try it on!" said Pinkie, wearing an enormous grin.

"I don't know..."

Before I could react, Pinkie leaned forward and snapped the collar around my neck in a smooth, fluid motion. Then she kissed me right on my nose, and my cheeks burned like fire.

I wanted to scream, but I was too stunned. Cool metal encircled my throat. It feels... it feels like somepony grabbing me around the neck, but gently enough that I can still breathe and swallow. It's heavy enough that I can feel it pulling on my neck constantly, and... and it's just really, really weird and wrong.

"Pinkie, what did I just say?" I asked, shivering in place.

"You said you don't know! So, now you know, right?"

"Take it off," I ordered, though my voice didn't sound very authoritative. I don't know. It must be something about the cold feel of the collar that makes me want to leave it on. It's comforting. No. That's stupid.

"Okay," said Pinkie. She struggled with it for a few seconds, and I sighed.

"You don't know how to take it off, do you?" I realized.

Pinkie grinned sheepishly. "Oops?" she said. "Please don't be mad!"

"No, it's okay. You're probably right about blending in with the vamponies," I said. I think I might have been rationalizing the collar, though. Like I want it to stay—no, no, no, this is really dumb. No. I'm not thinking about this now.

I did let Pinkie fix the smaller earrings into my ears, however. The process hurt like Tartarus, but I was able to numb it with a balm from Zecora. At least it will fix my ears in a few days, and it's definitely an improvement over the huge gaudy things that were in there previously. They look nice and are much less obvious, though the bases of the earring are still surprisingly heavy. I can feel them constantly, gently tugging at the bottom of my ears.

This all feels so weird. But I think the coolness of the metal might help me get to sleep tonight, and the marble does look really pretty. And the ring on the front, is... is this supposed to be like a dog collar? Is that what this is, something to lead a mare around with on a leash? I can't even imagine, I mean... hold on a moment, I need to go do something.

Ugh. Okay, I hope this is unrelated, but I needed to go to the bathroom and um, "tend to myself" just now; but it wasn't so bad. I couldn't stop thinking about Pinkie Pie for some reason, which is disturbing, because I was imagining touching her down there and I really shouldn't go into details, but you get the idea.

What's even weirder is with her freaky vampony senses she knew what I was doing, because once I came out of the bathroom she offered to help me the next time. At least she was nice enough to wait until I'd finished! I politely turned her down. Her offer actually made things worse, because now writing this and thinking about it I think I'm getting horny again. And I thought I just fixed being horny? I... I don't understand any of this.

Spike is still asleep, oddly (I can hear him snoring though so he's fine), and Pinkie doesn't seem tired (she did want to crash here again which is fine by me), but I need a normal night's sleep for the first time in Celestia doesn't even know how long. I've been looking forward to a nice rest.

I'll wait until morning to try the horn experiments with Pinkie. I hope experimenting with my horn doesn't make me horny—no wait that sounds retarded.