About the note: I'm now missing six of the most important pages of this journal (three if you count them singly). I feel stupid for not seeing this coming, especially since there were a lot of hints. I'd like to think the hints stemmed from guilt, but I suspect they are a part of the same insanity. Acceptance of perversion and oddball humor seem to go hoof-in-hoof, even using Pinkie Pie as an example. (I wonder if that makes her safer, or less safe?)

Anyway, I can't blame anypony for taking ludicrous precautions around me. I just succeeded at a magical feat that nopony, apart perhaps from Princess Celestia, could have pulled off. That's not some The-Great-and-Powerful-Trixie-style bragging (though I am proud of the feat). It's just a cold, hard fact. If I were Twilight Sparkle's adversary, I'd be scared shitless too.

Unfortunately, I feel like I might actually be my own adversary.

Anyway, it's not a big deal. Even without the stolen pages, there's still more than enough here to tell Princess Celestia or anypony else what to be aware of, and Celestia is already actively opposing the Spring Order. However, I'm going to reconstruct the entries from memory, just to be safe (okay, and maybe because I'm little bit anal-retentive). Rewriting the pages might make them a bit less accurate, and it means I'll be forced to relive the experiences for a third time. Recent events will come first, though, while they're still fresh in my mind. "Fortunately" (that was sarcasm), recording this particular entry should make the rewrites easy by comparison.

I don't remember what I was dreaming about, but it must have been nice. I woke into a very groggy hypnopompic state, and I felt a hug encircling me from behind: forelegs around my barrel and rear legs entwined with mine. Immediately it brought to mind the only time somepony had hugged me this way in bed since marehood.

"Mnnh... Pony... Love you so much, Applejack..." I murmured. (Or something like that.)

The hug tightened, and I heard a soft, but endearing, "Awwww!" come from elsewhere in the room.

"I'm sure she loves you just as much, Princess," somepony whispered gently in my ear. Somepony who sounded a little like my brother. I was still too groggy to realize this might not be a good thing.

"BBBFF?" I mumbled. "Zat you? Whatcha doin'?" I smiled and leaned my head back into the hug, and somepony kissed the top of my head. It's been a long time since I felt this comfortable and happy, since I lacked the anxiety I had before when AJ was with me in bed. I felt warm all over, and protected, and loved. It's almost a shame the feeling was so short-lived.

It took a minute for my situation to register. I gasped, opened my eyes, and panicked.

"Shhhh. It's okay Twilight. Please, please relax," came the normally-comforting voice of Night Light, my father. "Nopony is going to hurt you. Daddy promises."

It was light outside, just past dawn, and soft rays filtered into the room through the partially-open blinds. I couldn't see anypony else, but I couldn't move my neck except with great effort. Dad was holding me, which normally would have been fine, but it was a little weird that he was under the covers with me. My limbs wouldn't respond at all. Although I felt awake, I figured I must still be half-asleep.

"Sleep paralysis?" I gasped. I could move my mouth and eyes, at least. My magic didn't take. This was all wrong: sleep paralysis should have shut everything down.

"We needed to make sure you weren't going to hurt yourself, Twilight. I'm so sorry; we didn't mean to scare you. Please don't hate us, Princess," Dad whispered in my ear.

"NO!!!" I shouted. A hoof clamped over my mouth.

"Shhhhh," said Dad, trying to comfort me. "Getting upset won't help anything. Nopony else can hear you. I want you to use that brilliant mind of yours to realize the right thing to do right now is to relax. I'll be happy to answer any questions you may have. You're in no immediate danger, you're still our wonderful amazing daughter, and you're completely safe."

He let go of my mouth and I panted nervously. "Why can't I move?" I pleaded.

"Lingering effects of the tea. Again, to keep you from hurting yourself."

"Ounckse?" I asked.

"Yes. I suppose we shouldn't be surprised you'd know about them. It's a temporary necessity, Princess."

"You're holding me for Brother, aren't you," I said, my voice cracking with fear.

"Not specifically for him, no. But he doesn't want to hurt you either, and even you must know that by now."

"You can't believe him, Daddy, I swear, everything I wrote in the journal is true!"

Another familiar voice came from the far corner of the room, where I could not see. "We know you're telling the truth, darling. That's really not the problem," said Twilight Velvet. Hearing my mother speak had confirmed my fears. I closed my eyes tightly, hoping it would all go away.

"They got to you," I whispered, already knowing it was so.

Behind me, Dad sighed softly. "Of course they did, precious," he said. "Our son loves us both very much, just as he loves you. We were early converts to the Spring Order because he wanted us in at the ground level. I tried to drop hints, just to give you a fair warning, but you were just too mixed up to listen."

So the "Order" had a name. Interesting. But my attention was focused on the last thing Dad had said. At first I thought he said "mixed up", but that wasn't it. After a moment of confusion, I realized he actually said, "...you were too fixed up to listen". That doesn't make any sense to me. I wonder: does "fixed" have anything to do with "breaking"?

There's a lot I don't understand about this Spring Order. Is it a group of ponies? Is it a part of the nightwing stallions' insane plan? Is it a social structure? I suspect the terminology isn't supposed to be understood by outsiders, in which case it acts both as a shibboleth and a veil. In retrospect, I wish I'd asked my parents more questions when I'd had the chance.

I was trying not to cry so I could focus on an escape plan. I was hoping the rational part of my subconscious mind would push all my emotions to the back of the cart and forcefully grab the reins, but it wasn't happening. I couldn't move my arms or legs, and the ounckse was probably on tight. It seemed my only out was convincing my parents that they were wrong. This was not a promising course of action, but what else could I do?

"Can you just help me understand WHY you would do this to me?" I said, trying not to shout. Dad was right, the house was soundproofed well, and I didn't want his hoof over my mouth again. (His hoof smelled very pleasant actually, like cloves, but that wasn't really helping.)

Mom trotted over to where I could see her, and she smiled demurely at me and blushed before laying down on a sofa under the window. Her ears sported the copper earrings, and her horn... Gone, all but a tiny plateau. She must have been dehorned sometime last evening. Mom was capped, just like Cadance, but in copper. In addition, she wore a comfortable-looking fuzzy-lined copper collar with a thick copper ring on the front of it.

"Isn't your mother the most beautiful mare you've ever laid eyes on?" Dad cooed, gently snugging me as Mom blushed again. I have to admit, my mother was gorgeous for a mare her age. I wasn't comfortable thinking about that at the time, though.

I decided to fake emotionality to draw a response of sympathy. This was a gross miscalculation on my part, because you can't fake something if it's already real.

"Why would you DO this? Why? Please, Daddy, why are you betraying me? Was it something I did wrong? Wasn't I good enough for you???" I begged, and that's when the tears started coming full-force: not as a ruse, but legitimately. Twilight Velvet came over and held tissues to my face to make the experience less miserable.

"Oh, Little Tee. My sweet baby. You're already perfect," said Mom. "We're not trying to change you, just unfix you. We want you to be happy. We weren't exactly the best parents..."

"But you WERE!" I wailed into the tissues. "You were the best parents ever!"

"We were good parents, sweetie," said Dad, "but we did screw things up when it came to teaching you about sex. We were ashamed, probably because of how our parents failed to teach us properly, and so on; it's a vicious cycle. But all that shame is gone now. Poof! Just like that. Doesn't that sound wonderful, Princess? Don't you want to stop feeling this awful?"

"Mom is embarrassed," I pointed out. She smiled and blushed in response, still tending to my sore eyes.

"Embarrassment isn't shame. Most ponies might not understand the difference, but you're educated enough to know that," said Dad, and he was right. The difference is significant. Shame is more like primal embarrassment, and it's awful. It brings you all the way back to some moment where you did something terrible, or where something terrible was done to you, and you just can't escape it. Embarrassment is cute, by comparison (though often very uncomfortable).

"What, I," I choked, trying to get the words out. Problem was, I was out of words and short on hope. I started to raise the white flag of surrender. "Just... what do you want me to do," I asked meekly in resignation, sniffling as I stopped crying. Mom cleaned up my face, petted my forelock gently, and kissed me on the cheek. I saw her smiling very proudly at me as she watched me in the process of giving up. I was so lost and confused, but she seemed so happy...

Dad took in a deep breath. "We only want to open you up to some new experiences. That's all we want. There are many things that will greatly enrich your life, and help develop who you are as a young mare. You'll be happy beyond your wildest dreams, Princess, I just know you will. Just like we are," Dad promised, gently stroking my belly. He nosed at my earring and continued, "and in no time flat we'll get you out of these marble accessories and into something far more appropriate."

"I still don't understand why," I whispered. "Just... why?"

"You'll understand soon, I promise. Can't you trust us just this once, Twilight? What you've been doing to yourself isn't healthy. You won't trust your friends, you won't trust your brother, and now you won't even trust your parents! We didn't want to scare you like this, but what choice did you leave us with, sweetcheeks?"

At that moment, I actually gave up all hope. I was exhausted and paralyzed, I couldn't reason with my parents, I had no arguments that made any sense, and I had a hole in my heart large enough to fit all of my friends and family. Even when things started getting more disturbing, I was unable to care.

I felt it behind me, between my Dad and my back, right up against my spine. I hadn't noticed it at first, but it was much firmer now. As Night Light nuzzled my neck and kissed my ears, I could feel it throbbing back there. Yeah, that kind of throbbing. But that wasn't really a surprise. What was surprising is that I wasn't put off by it at all. It was warm, and it felt natural back there, like an important part of the hug or something. I actually didn't care that my dad enjoyed rubbing his penis against the croup and loin of my back. I guess I should say "cock" to sound like less of a dork, but then again perhaps it's only the Order that talks that profanely? I'd have been horribly freaked out if he started raping me without warning, but somehow I knew he wouldn't try anything like that.

There was still a small part of me resisting, at least. If my magic had worked at that moment, I would have teleported out in a heartbeat. I might not have been horrified by Dad frotting against my croup, but part of me was horrified that I wasn't horrified. I still had the meta, at least. Anyway, while my mind was spinning dizzy about this sort of thing, I closed my eyes. Dad kissed my cheeks and Mom stroked my face with her hooves. They were double-teaming me, both of them massaging and kissing and stroking me and forcing me to feel pleasure, despite my deep-set reluctance. I even began to feel comfort washing over me. This was a battle I simply could not win. The love I had (neigh: have) for my parents was too deep. It was mixing with the feelings in my heart in a perverted but pleasurable manner. I'm not proud of this.

I felt this incredible sensation which forced my eyes open. I knew what it was right away. Mom was gently sucking on my horn, blushing bright red as she did so. I didn't want to get off on it, of course, but I was. I felt myself flowing down below. This was the end, I thought. Maybe Dad was going to "pop" me after all. I guess it would have been fitting if he had. But true to his promises, he merely sat there and dribbled onto my saddle area as he stroked my barrel with both hooves, heading downward toward my teats.

I was probably blushing more than Mom was. I started moaning softly. "Please, no, Mom... I don't want to like this," I whispered, my body quivering even though I had no physical control over it.

"It's okay Princess. Daddy and Mommy are here, and we love you. Everything is going to be just fine," said Dad, grinding his cock against the loin of my back as he gently stroked my teats with one hoof.

It didn't take me very long to reach the second orgasm I've had in my life. This one was different, though. I felt it focused in different parts of me: in my skull and my horn and my face, and to a much lesser extent my vagina (which quivered). It felt almost like my vulva was going to spray. (I'm also guessing that word "cunt" might be less dorky than vagina, but I'm not sure if it means vulva or vagina.) I moaned out loud, clenching my eyes shut tightly as a short wave of guilt hit me; it quickly passed. Ironically, being completely restrained actually made it a nice experience, because I couldn't blame myself for what happened. Maybe that's part of the allure of getting tied up? Dear Celestia, some of this is actually starting to make sense! How I miss the simple comfort of my ignorant innocence. In all my foalhood, I never could have imagined I'd hate knowing something, but here I am.

Mom finished sucking her saliva from my horn, and kissed it with soft, little pecks as I gasped and panted.

"We're so proud of you, our perfect pony Princess," Dad whispered in my ear, then gently nibbled on it.

I can't lie. At that very moment, I was entirely on board. Part of me wanted Dad to fuck me. Part of me wanted to join Mom, at his side, wearing my own little copper collar, though the idea of losing my horn was still awful. And it was even worse than that. I was starting to feel romantic, right there with my parents. I knew this wasn't right. A mare shouldn't fall in love with her mother and father. It was sick to the core, but I could not tell where family love ended and romantic love began, and my heart did flips thinking about Dad's cock, inside me, making me his. Forever. I was still resisting on some level, but they had their daughter right where they wanted her.

But then things got really weird.

Mom stood and exited my field of view and returned with a strange marble brick. The brick's top was a rectangle about one hoof high and two hooves wide, and the brick looked to be about half a hoof deep (this was an easy estimate because my mother was holding the thing in two hooves). It looked like a solid chunk of marble, except the brick had a small stainless steel strip, maybe five centimeters wide, running across the short (up-down) dimension of the top of the box. There was a seam in the center of the strip.

"Master, is she ready to lose them?" whispered Mom, her eyes glimmering with eagerness. I could see fangs in her mouth, just barely poking into view. I bit at my lip, worried by the mystery object and the use of the term "Master" to refer to my father. My anxiety was muted by the heavy afterglow which crawled through my skin from nose to dock, so I lay and observed in helpless silence.

"For most mares I think it would be fine, but I don't think she's ready yet," Dad said plainly. "We need to go slowly with our precious baby while she still has her marbles in." I think that made me blush, not that I fully understood it mind you, but it also made me wonder. Apparently, my curiosity can't even be slaked by having sex with my parents while paralyzed and wearing a shameful magic blocking ring on my horn. (Ugh, I feel revolting and wrong right now... It literally hurts me.)

"What... what's going on?" I asked, desperate to learn more.

Dad kissed me on my cheek. "It's something you're not ready to understand just yet, Twi. In due time, you will."

"I want to know. It's not like I can get away," I argued, my voice soft and slow.

Night Light paused for a moment, as though thinking deeply. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to show her, then," he said, and my mother smiled broadly as she tugged at the steel strip. The two sections slipped apart from one another, exposing a strip of the interior of the block. The sections then folded ninety-degrees downward along the sides of the block and locked in place. Inside the block was a mat of soft, black, crushed velvet. On that mat lay a small, round, shiny stone of a dull red color. The stone was wider than the strip, so it looked impossible to remove.

"Your friend Rarity made the boxes," Dad whispered in my ear, as though it were a dark secret. "The stones are old artifacts the nightwing founders of the Order have repurposed with a very special enchantment."

"What kind... of..." I said, but as I stared at the stone, it appeared to change. Across the entire stone I could see a lime-green sky with tangerine clouds rolling by, and the colors rotated slowly through various neon hues.

"Staring at the stone activates the enchantment, so you see," he said, kissing my cheek as I lay there transfixed. "It won't function at all without a pony's consent; or at least, not without their assent, if they are incapable of fully consenting. However, a pony's assent is very easy to acquire. It just takes a tiny bite, a little time, and patience..."

Dad's voice was fading from reality. All I could see now was the field of clouds, in every direction. The sky was gaudy dark magenta and the clouds electric blue; then yellow-orange clouds on an olive sky; and then I felt something digging into my forehead. The tiny headache snapped me out of the trance. I closed my eyes, and the vision and pain dissipated.

"You don't have to do it now, Little Tee, but you will need to do it soon," said Mom. I reopened my eyes and looked at her. I carefully avoided eye contact with the stone.

"My head hurt. What is this? Tell me," I asked, anxiety starting to creep into my voice.

"I knew this was a bad idea," said Dad.

"Please," I begged. I wasn't angling to escape, I just wanted to know what the buck was going on.

Mom smiled softly. "It helps make you better, in a manner of speaking."

"I don't understand. Are you trying to hypnotize me or something? I can't move, I can't fight you..." I complained, feeling exhausted merely from trying to move my unresponsive limbs.

"It corrects part of your mind. Physically," Dad explained.

"You're doing something to my brain."

"Yes. Something wonderful," he said. "It takes time, though. Once it actually begins, you can't stop it, but you won't want to either."

"I don't understand."

Mom looked me in the eyes. "There's a part of your brain, right up here," she said, pointing right between her eyes but up about half a centimeter, "that serves no good purpose. It's a destructive and harmful part. The stone removes it, and in doing so, it frees you."

I remember how nervous my mother looked the moment after she said that. My expression must have been one of pure horror. "It removes part of your brain?" I gasped, almost choking on the words.

"It's a very tiny piece, Princess," my Dad said, trying to reassure me. "Very tiny. Negligible. Not something you would ever miss. It doesn't control magic, or logic, or sensation, or executive functioning, or anything like that."

"It will help you to accept things as they are," said Mom. "You won't have any of that anxiety I can see in your face. All of that will become a thing of the past. Isn't that a good thing?"

"I..." I said. It was a few moments before I had the words. "Mom! Destroying part of a pony's brain is not reversible!"

"That's why it's good," Dad whispered. "It's a permanent solution. When you're ready, it will be here for you. And very soon, you will be ready."

"Sweetie. I'm the same mother I've always been, aren't I? I've only been changed only for the better. Surely you can see the tranquility..." she began a little speech, but everything past that point rolled right out of my ears like the drippings from a light summer rain.

I had to escape. But the paralysis and the ounckse made it impossible. What hadn't I thought of? I started racking my brain to remember everything Princess Celestia had taught me, every weapon in the book, every teaching, every spell. It all raced through my mind, lesson after lesson, one by one, all of my formal training, like a wildfire of images and thoughts and experiences and... !

Oh sweet, sweet epiphany.

I knew something. I knew a kind of magic that didn't require the full use of my horn, my hooves, or even my wings. It wasn't nomenmancy for the naming of foals, or cutie-mark magic which we can't quite control, or even weather magic. It was something beyond all of those.

It was dark magic.

This was not a big downside, because I'm not evil and I don't use it often. This definitely qualified as an extreme enough situation to warrant its use. Dark magic required only my eyes, which the ounckse probably didn't block. My horn was still necessary as a mana cavity, but maybe that wasn't enough for the ounckse to prevent casting. I didn't know if it would work or not, but I had to try if I wanted my brain, and transitively my mind, to remain intact.

As I focused through my eyes, the room became bathed in green light from my perspective. My mother would have seen my eyes turn green, purple ribbons of energy rippling past them to the sides like smoke made of shadows. That probably would explain her look of terror.

"Master, something's wrong! She's casting!" she said, backing up two steps. With the green light, I could see the insignia which appeared on both the collar and her horn-cap: it was my father's cutie mark. Not a huge surprise there. I couldn't see the earrings well enough, but those are a safe bet. I could see the box, which appeared to have a minor enchantment on the whole thing, and the stone inside shone like fire. Again, not a huge surprise.

"Damn it! We knew this might happen, our baby is capable of anything. Hold her neck, bitch. I'll retrieve the sedative," said Dad, clearly nervous. Mom reached in gingerly to hold my neck in place, her face miserable with worry for her child. But my emotions had taken second fiddle to my sense of self-preservation, so it didn't affect me. I was in the self-preservation zone, and I no longer had control of anything (I probably should have considered that before using dark magic, but in retrospect I'd have done it anyway). My mind was on autopilot.

I know how to see through dark sight. I also know how to activate dark magic enchantments. Princess Celestia taught me both of these things in preparation for my confrontation with King Sombra. However, because the magic was evil, I never experimented with it further. I had no idea if I could do any other magic tricks with it. I certainly didn't know how to pump a horn-based magic spell through my eyes as a dark version of the same spell, or even if something like that would be possible. Before that very moment, I hadn't even considered the possibility of such a thing. But I had perhaps two seconds to get it to work, and my mind was racing so fast I was about to have my own little sonic rainboom, magically speaking. So I did.

There was a flash of purple and black which traced from my vanished body to the door, and my paralyzed body reappeared right there beside my bag.

"Sweetie, please, don't leave us!" my mother cried out. "You're not well!"

Dad jumped to attention, comically erect, and leaped off the bed for me.

"Mm srry," I said half-heartedly with part of the saddlebags in my mouth. Then I repeated the magical stunt, and jumped directly into our basement.

The good part of the evil teleport version is that it's silent (unlike the normal version). But the bad part is that it leaves an obvious trail, so my parents both saw exactly where I was headed. I was still very short on time. I had to think on my hooves, and I still couldn't move them (although they were beginning to tingle).

I rapid fired off a third teleport, to pry the ounckse from my horn. I momentarily thought it might be easier to use telekinesis through my eyes, but I went with what I knew worked, and I now know that it was the right choice. It was painful and really exhausting to scrape the magical item off with a teleport, though (ow). But I finally had my horn back!

Advance Temporal on my body, by six hours to be safe. Wham. Now I was hungry, thirsty, and a little tired, but my limbs could function again. I jumped to my feet, muscles a bit stiff. My parents were galloping down the stairs. I teleported upstairs (normally of course), then immediately into the back yard, then long-distance to a warehouse I could see about a kilometer away (our backyard has a beautiful scenic view), then used Hasp Unfix to open the gate. Nopony was inside. Turns out it's an aviation storage unit, and it doesn't look like it's been used in years. Perfect. I ran in, shut the gate and collapsed on the concrete floor. That's where I am now.

I need to get to Ponyville as soon as I can (in order to stop Rarity), but I'm too exhausted, and I'm very, very hungry. I have enough rations in my bag to sate my hunger, and there's a water fountain in here that works, so I'll be fine for a while, but I may need to nap to recover fully. I'll see if resting is sufficient, and while I rest I'll do my best to reconstruct the missing pages. Those will help remind me why I'm sitting here in a dimly lit and dusty warehouse and help to reassure me that my sacrifices have not been in vain. This isn't over yet, not by a long shot. No ounckse can hold Twilight Sparkle captive ever again, and that's a huge achievement.

Oh, I remembered the scroll in my tail a little while ago while I was writing this madness down. I've placed it in my bags since then. I'm not sure it will be easy for me to translate the message after all, because a quick once-over did not reveal an obvious key to the cipher. I won't attempt it until I reach Ponyville.

I practiced telekinesis with dark magic. It's incredibly difficult, and not much easier than (or different from) teleportation. Very surprising. I'm not going to experiment with it anymore. I already have enough horrible forces vying for control of Twilight Sparkle. I don't need to add another known bad influence to the pile.

The back of my neck is really sore and itchy, probably from trying to move it around when it was mostly paralyzed. I guess you'll have to double as my pillow and my only listening friend today, journal. This probably sounds insane, but I miss my parents so much right now. Permanent changes mean... well, what? That I may never see my real parents and friends again, unless I master a medical spell beyond anything that is currently understood? I have to put this all out of my mind, or I'll start crying again. Fuck.

I'm so bucking lonely right now.