I couldn’t believe that prissy bitch. By all rights I should have beat her worthless ass within an inch of her life, I should have strangled her with her own intestines, I should have stuck my foot so far up her asshole it would come out her mouth! Just… aagh!

Goddamn it, I needed to get out of this shithole of a town and somewhere more enlightened. Anywhere other than here would be better. And what was all that with the human? Do these filthy beasts actually fuck them? The thought nearly drove me to puke. Now that I thought about it, whenever I went to that HumanSmart or Barnyard Bargains there were some… questionable items on the human aisles, but how was I supposed to know it was for… for… that? Ugh, wishful thinking, I guess.

“Howdy there, miss,” greeted a random mud pony.

“Get away from me, you heathen!”

Okay, I might have overreacted, but I was not in the best frame of mind at the moment. The rest of the little pests looked at me after my outburst and it took every ounce of willpower to keep myself from bashing in every one of their fuzzy little mugs, consequences be damned.

Thankfully the train station was easy to find. Surprising, considering I’d been walking in a random direction all along. It was a bit on the small side, unsurprising considering the mud village’s backwards state and to my slight relief, it was bereft of any nauseating pastel colors. Just the dull brown of wood, the muted yellow of old hay and other dull tones. The train, however, was another matter entirely. It was a cloying abomination that had absolutely no right being in this, or any other plane of existence. Seriously, who designs these things, six year olds?

Eyesore thought it was, the inside of the station was about as unassuming as its outside. Benches were scattered along the walls and the walls themselves were littered with various posters and fliers, some depicting the map of Equestria, others showing rail lines and train stations. Some advertised the holidays and events that took place in the mud village such as the Summer Sun Celebration, the Fall Formal Festival, Running of the Leaves, some kind of cookoff, a fruit festival, a vegetable festival, and a bunch of other inane things I had no patience for.

Managing the ticket booth was a stallion of the winged variety, wearing a dorky clerk’s cap and, if the look on his face was anything to go by, had the air of being constantly harassed. Bearing down on him was a griffon-- the first I’ve ever seen, her front talons gripping the edge of the booth as she propped herself on her hind legs. I couldn’t help but take a moment or two to examine her. In spite of possessing the infernal pastel coloring that dominated this wretched world, she was actually pretty cool looking. Compared to the ponies, at least.

Her coat was a dark orange color, like that of a tiger but without the iconic stripes. Her talons and beak were the traditional golden yellow of eagles and actually looked pretty lethal, like they could actually harm something. It was somehow a refreshing sight having seen nothing but soft, squishy prey ponies since my stay. Lastly, her wings and the tuft at her tail were a sandy color and the plumage that ran from the front of her chest and up was a light blue.

Flanking her was a pegasus mare wearing a pair of saddlebags, her coat was a lime green and her mane a darker shade. Forest green, maybe? Not that it mattered. There was obviously a commotion or something going on and no sooner did I advance a few steps that the griffon exclaimed in frustration.

“Sonny, are you trying to go out of your way to make me miserable?!”

“Madame, please,” the winged pest all but whined. No doubt he’d been going at this for a while. “It’s not a matter of arguing, it’s simply out of my hooves.”

“Then let me speak to your supervisor. Where is he?” the griffon demanded. She had that way of speaking like people who tend to get what they want. Guess she was trying to bully the stallion into submission. Heh, worthless ponies.

“He’s not here right now, ma’am. He took a trip over yonder to Appaloosa, so it’s only me for the rest of the shift.”

“Now why didn’t you say that before, boy? If it’s only you here then that means you get to make the call. Now why don’t you be a good pony and get the train going already?”

The little puke looked as if he wanted nothing more than to sigh. “It’s not that simple, ma’am.”

The griffon snorted. “Of course it’s that simple.” She then held out her right talon and clicked it twice. There was an awkward silence as the stallion looked on questioningly at the griffon, his eyes darting from her face to her outstretched limb. The griffon’s face tensed and, with a jerky motion, turned to look at the pegasus behind her, who looked about obliviously. It wasn’t until she gave her a pointed look and clicked her talons again that the pegasus broke out of her stupor.

“O-oh, right. Sorry, auntie,” she muttered and dug into her saddlebag, producing a small bag and placing it on the griffon’s palm. Yeah, it was one of those money deals you see in movies, the baggie clinking with the unmistakable sound of gold, tied with string and true to its form, its bindings loosened considerably to reveal the shiny treasure inside. Do they actually practice this or something? Because there is no way that shit goes unrehearsed.

The stallion's eyes widened ever so slightly as he looked at the swag. "What is this supposed to be?"

"Call it a little incentive to allow us passage."

The little turd certainly looked tempted, and made a halfway reach to the gold. Still, it seemed that common sense won over and he pushed the bag of bits back to the griffon.

“N-no. I’m sorry ma’am, but I cannot condone this. Not when it might put innocent ponies’ lives at risk,” he said with a resolute glint in his oversized eyeball. “And anyways, it’s out of my hooves. It’s the higher ups who have to give the go ahead to get the train running again, and they won’t do so until that problem with the dogs is dealt with.”

With a last frustrated sigh, the griffon conceded defeat and turned to leave, the green mare following suit. As soon as she caught sight of me she said, "If you came here to board the train, don't bother. It's not running now, according to that little pencil pusher."

My eyes narrowed. "We'll just see about that."

I walked past her and to the sap who looked at me with poorly disguised annoyance. "Young lady, the train is not running right now, so could you-- yeaargh!"

Yeah, he wasn't so standoffish once I reached forward and forcefully pulled him over the booth, his startled mug nearly touching mine.

"Now listen here ya puke, and listen well," I said with a low hiss.

"H-hey! What do you think you're--"

"Quiet! I'm talking here." He shut his gob, whether because I told him to or just plain bafflement, I did not know. "Now, I don't know what's going on. I don't care what's going on. All I know is in exactly five seconds you are gonna get off your ass and get that metal contraption going so I can get the hell out of this place and into somewhere more enlightened."

"W-well, you see, i-it's not really something I can--"

With a frustrated cry, I fully dragged him off his perch and slammed him into the hardwood floor, my face all but pressed against his, and his bulging eyes alight in fear.

"I don't think you heard me, pal. If I don't get out of this fetid mud village soon, I will literally lose my mind. I am this close... this close to peeling off and tanning your worthless hide, so unless you want to be turned inside out, you will get off your ass and make sure I can get as far away from this armpit of a town as I can! Do you understand?!"

The little puke was barely conscious. Might have had something to do with me repeatedly smashing him against the floor. I might have done irreparable damage had it not been for the high pitched voice that screamed, "Stop it, please!"

I turned my head and there was the green pegasus, her wings halfway stretched her eyes wide and a look of alarm on her fuzzy mug.

"Mind your own business. I'm doing business here," I said and gave the nearly comatose stallion a shake.

The griffon then stepped forward, her posture, if I was reading it right, almost the opposite of the pegasus, fairly chill and eyeing me speculatively.

"Look, filly, I like your spunk, but this is not the way to go about doing things. You can pound him until he's red and black and blue all over and you still won't get anywhere for your troubles."

"Right," I drawled. "Because your way of doing things really got the ball rolling."

The griffin merely rolled her eyes. "And what exactly do you think you strong arming will accomplish?"

"Something more than you. One way or another, I will make this peon croak."

No sooner did I turn back to the barely conscious pony that I felt two hooves grab me by my back and I was pulled away from my prize.

“What the…!” I whipped around to see the pegasus, her wings spread and standing on two legs, looking at me as if she couldn’t believe what she had just done. “Why you…” I growled and lunged forward.

The pegasus squeaked and flapped her wings hastily, diving out of the way quicker than I anticipated and I found myself colliding face first against one of the wooden beams that supported the inside.

“You got a death wish or something?” I growled to the pegasus.

“Is that a challenge?” she shot back boastfully, not looking at all impressed.

“That’s enough, both of you!” the griffon barked sharply and stepped in between us. That actually gave me pause for a moment. Pastel coloring aside, she actually looked pretty intimidating. “Cutlass, stop aggravating the girl.”

“Me?” the pegasus asked incredulously. “She’s the one who started it.”

“Keep talking, I’ll be the one who finishes it,” I muttered lowly.

“And you,” the griffon now turned to me. “Stop being an idiot. You could have seriously harmed that poor sod. Just look at him! He’s barely there as it is.”

I looked over and indeed, the little puke was moaning, hooves clamped over his head as he reeled in pain. I don’t know why, but looking at him snapped me out of my hot blooded haze and brought me back to reality. Shit, I actually felt guilty about it! Don't get me wrong, senseless violence is well and good so long as there's a reason for it, but I'd like to think that despite my anger problems, I do have a measure of restraint. Taking out my frustrations on him was… definitely not one of my finest moments. Argh, it was that little prissy bitch’s fault! Seething! She actually had me seething!

All right, all right. Breathe in, breathe out. In, out, in, out.

My legs felt wobbly all of a sudden, and I slumped down into a sitting position, doggy style and hunched over. The fact that I was naked registered within me at the moment, yet I couldn’t find myself caring too much about it.

Goddamn it, I had to get better control of myself. For too long did I allow my emotions to run too hot and until now, I didn’t realize it. No, I was perfectly aware of it, I just didn’t care. Then again, anger is easy, isn’t it? Simple and satisfying, but not a very practical long term solution. The near unconscious pony before me was proof of that.

I admit, for all I dreaded being stuck in this cloying, hippie, fairytale candyland, there was also a sense of freedom that came with it. I made my own decisions, no authority figures, no law or rules to restrict my movements. No repercussions, and the only directive was whatever I deemed most fit. It hit me right then and there just how… stupid I’ve been.Shit, I was lucky I wasn’t yet caught in the middle of a clusterfuck, and my behavior back at the spa… goddamn it!

A spike of cold dread welled up inside me as the realization of what happened hit me full force. Losing control of myself like that was many things, and none of them good. It cemented my need to get away from the mud village as far as I could, as soon as I could.

“Oi, you still there?” The griffon’s clear voice broke me out of my stupor, and only then did I notice the feeling of two talons tapping my forehead.

“Yeah,” I mumbled, my gaze not breaking from the floor.

“Good to hear.” She then chuckled. “I know Ponyville ain’t much to look at, but what is it that makes a young pony like yourself nearly tear someone else’s head off?”

I got back up. “Too many things to count.”

“Well, unless you want to walk or fly out of here, you’ll just have to wait until they deal with the dog problem.”

My ears perked up at this. “Dog problem?”

Her head nodded, a sour expression forming on her features. “Aye, it’s the diamond dogs, don’t you know. Been causing all sorts of trouble for the past week, or so I heard.”

“No good thieves, the lot of them,” the pegasus apparently called Cutlass piped up, tentatively stepping closer and eyeing me as though I were a particularly cranky rattlesnake. “They keep messing around with the train tracks. They pile on dirt so the train has to stop in between destinations, and that’s when they break in. They steal whatever they want from the ponies aboard, and even got to us just as we were passing through Ponyville,” she finished indignantly.

“Well… is anyone doing anything about it?” I asked, praying for an answer that would not be a disappointment.

“The Royal Guard is doing, and I quote, ‘all they can’,” the griffon said sarcastically, doing that thing with her talons. “But really, don’t expect the matter to be solved anytime soon. Cutlass and I will have to start looking for accommodations until then.”

Was I pissed? You bet I was. My wrath knew no bounds, but all the same, I took a good deep breath and reined it in. “And there’s nothing anyone can do?” I asked more than a little desperately. The griffon, already heading out the door with the pegasus in tow answered.

“Short of someone going in and clearing out those troublemakers? No, all you can do is wait.”

Wait? Wait? Ha, not likely!

I put a hoof to my chin. “I see… and where exactly are these ‘diamond dogs’ located?”

She eyed me speculatively. “Why? You planning to go and pay them a visit?”

“Maybe.”

Don’t know what it was. Maybe it was something in my face, but it gave both of them pause. “You’re kidding, right?” asked Cutlass. “Diamond dogs don’t play nice with ponies… or anypony, for that matter.”

“I’m not worried about it,” I said dismissively. “Now, where can I find them?”

“You’re not going,” the griffon said matter of factly.

My eyes narrowed. “You gonna stop me?”

“No, but I’m also not telling you spit. A young pony like yourself shouldn’t be going alone into diamond dog territory.”

“I can take care of myself,” I persisted stubbornly.

“Either way, I’m not telling anything,” she then turned to the pegasus. “C’mon, ‘lassie. Let’s go find a place to stay tonight.” Said pony gave one last look before following the chimera outside.

I sighed. I literally had the power to take care of this problem, yet the griffon proved most uncooperative. A scuffle not too far from me got my attention, and I looked over to see the pony I manhandled getting back up.

Hey, what do you know? Maybe things will work out after all. He’s bound to know a thing or two and… well, I know I said I should not let my emotions rule me, but regardless, I already fucked up where he was concerned. A quick survey revealed there was nobody else close to the station, so I approached the stallion, who at this point looked at me warily, and with no small amount of fear.

A wicked grin suddenly stretched across my own fuzzy mug. “Hi there. Would you mind helping a girl out?” He merely cowered in fear.

Oh, I’m gonna have fun with this.

“Do you think she'll be alright?” Cutlass asked, giving a sideways look at her aunt.

“Who, that little pegasus? Maybe, why not?”

Cutlass hummed, and lowered her head.

Her aunt couldn't help but notice the young mare’s unusually subdued posture. “Hey, what's eating at you? Still thinking about that little ‘un?”

“I just can't help but think she’ll do something stupid,” she admitted after a moment of silence.

“What makes you think that?”

“Just a feeling I got. And I've seen that look before. Don't know about you, but I don't think she really listened to your warnings.”

The griffin snorted. “So what if she didn't? What's she gonna do, go and storm a diamond dog mine by herself? Nobody's that stupid.” If nothing else, she was sure of herself.

“I dunno, auntie,” Cutlass muttered. “She seemed really determined to go about it in spite of what you said.”

“And why are you even worried anyway? It's not your problem what a pony off the street gets up to.”

“Because I really think she'll do something stupid.”

She sighed. “So what, do you wanna follow her around and make sure she won't get in trouble?”

“Could I?” Cutlass asked a little too quickly. Her aunt chuckled briefly, but stopped as she saw the pegasus’ earnest look.

“You're serious?”

Cutlass merely shrugged helplessly. The griffon sighed.

“Fine, tail the little filly if it bothers you that much. Just be sure to get back before dinner. I don't think these ponies are too used to seeing griffins around here, and I'd rather they didn't look at me like a cranky snake itchin’ to bite.”

Cutlass looked genuinely surprised by this. “Since when do you care what some random ponies think of you?”

“I don't. Not really.” The griffon’s gaze then encompassed their surroundings, making sure nopony was nearby. “Still, given the nature of our business, it’s better to be seen in pony company.”

The pegasus’ eyes lit up in understanding. “Ohh… okay, I got you, auntie.”

Said aunt merely grunted. “Go on then, play around with your little friend.”

Cutlass nodded enthusiastically. “Thanks, auntie. I’ll see you guys later. Keep Anchor away from the almond cookies ‘till I get back, ya hear?”

“No promises. That old codger likes his sweets, and coming here to Equestria hasn’t exactly helped with his problem.”

“True,” Cutlass giggled. “Alright, I’ll try not to be too long. Later!” The pegasus then unfurled her wings and took to the air.

Heheh, that little puke sang like a canary. Didn’t take much prompting from me, but I wasn’t about to complain. If what he said was true, then these diamond dog raids had taken place roughly to the southeast of the Everfree Forest. Of course, given I was still not too familiar to this world, that didn’t help me out a lot, so I forced him to scribble the exact spot on one of the maps.

Now I was all set to go, but before anything else, I would need help on this venture. Only problem was how to go about it.

I needed to get Ari a body so she could get around, and there were no shortage of midget horses in here that would make a suitable host. I’m sure I don’t need to state this out loud, but I couldn’t exactly walk up to a pony in the middle of the day and drag him/her against his/her will to a creepy forest. Well, I could, but that would kind of defeat the purpose of laying low. And of course, the mud village projected that small town vibe where everybody knew each other. Kidnapping one of the populace would be eventually noticed by the little pukes.

"Hello there."

"Huh?" Darn it, I was so lost in thought I did not notice my surroundings and that obnoxiously pink blob from yesterday sidled up to me. There she was again, hopping alongside me like it was the most natural thing in the world and a no less idiotic grin on her fuzzy mug.

"What do you want?" I asked brusquely. And could you please go away?

Naturally, the pink menace did not pick up on my less than enthusiastic approach. That or she did not care. "I wanted to see if you were feeling better now. Spikey said you and Rarity and Twilight had gone out, and I realized that you must be all well and rested up. Now you don't have that gloomy gus disease and it just hit me that we did not introduce ourselves. My name’s Pinkie Pie, what’s yours?”

“What do you care?” I muttered and kept on walking, hoping she’d get the hint.

Her bouncing ceased and now she trotted alongside me, the expression on her mug now a bit less exuberant, but smiling all the same. “Aww, don’t be like that. I was hoping we could be friends. And you’re new here, so you must not have a lot of friends.”

“So I’m just a pity case, is that it?”

Heh, she actually looked shocked at this. “W-wha… no! You’re not a pity case! No pity here. I just like making friends. I’m friends with everypony in Ponyville, and I was thinking we could be good friends as well.”

“Fine, whatever.” Stupid choice of words. I was kinda hoping she’d leave me alone after that, but it seemed to have the opposite effect. Her eyes bugged out; her idiotic smile stretched, literally, ear to ear and her bouncing began anew. She then proceeded to assault me with a string of inane babble-- asking me all sorts of questions, whether I liked sarsaparilla, what my favorite color was, where I came from, what my favorite dessert was, when was my birthday… come to think of it, when was my birthday? The months here aren’t exactly like the ones back on Earth, so… eh, whatever.

“Is there a point to all this?” I asked through clenched teeth. The pest's voice grated on my ears in the same way a lawnmower grates human flesh. I had business to conduct and the pink menace just wouldn’t leave me alone. Even after I dropped none too subtle hints I wanted to be left alone she still latched on to me. “Because I’ll be leaving this town very soon.” And hopefully never come back to this eyesore of a mud town.

I swear, for a split second she literally froze in midair. “You… you’re leaving? But we were just starting to get to know one another!”

“Yeah, well, it’s been a slice.” Something told me she wasn’t too familiar at picking up sarcasm.

In a flash, she dove forward and clutched my arm… er, foreleg in a handless grasp. “Well come on! There’s no time to lose! I need to throw you a welcome-to-Ponyville-slash-goodbye party. Quick, before it’s too late!”

Okay, she is really trying my patience. “Thanks but no thanks. I’ll be fine.” I tried to get my leg back, but like a virulent disease, it was near impossible to shake her off and instead contented herself by allowing me to drag her around.

“Come on, just a little party?”

“No!”

“I’ll even bake a mini version of the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness!”

“I said no! And I don’t even know what that is.”

“”Do you like presents? Because there will be presents!”

“What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Can’t you take no for an answer? Let go already!”

“Not until you let me throw you a welcome-to-Ponyville-slash-goodbye-party!”

I don't think she realized just how close she was to becoming nothing more than a bloody smear. Hell, I'm kinda proud I had enough restraint to not obliterate her where she stood.

"You're not gonna drop this anytime soon, are you?" I asked in defeat.

Still smiling, the pink pest shook her head, her motions and smile not unlike those of a retard who just doesn't realize is not wanted.

“Alright, fine,” I said simply.

“Oh… really?” she asked in slight disbelief.

“Yes, really, but if we’re going to do this then we do it how I want it. It’s my party after all.” Her eyes lit up and she tackled me into a full on body hug… eesh. Not that I had any intention of letting her throw me a party, but I had to get rid of her ASAP.

“That’s great! Ooh, I need to get to work quick! I need to send out invitations, get started on the cake, set up decorations and come up with fun games for us to play. But don’t you worry, aunt Pinkie promises to throw you the bestest, most splendiferous party ever!”

“About that. Where are you hosting this party?”

“Why Sugarcube Corner, of course. That’s where I do almost all my patented Pinkie parties and--”

“Yeah, that’s not gonna work,” I cut in bluntly.

"What do you mean?" asked the pink pest.

"I don't want my party in this Sugarcube Corner. I got someplace better in mind. In fact, why don't we go there right now?"

"But I really, really think that--"

"Noop. Sorry, not happening. You coming over or what?"

And so she did, chipper as ever. Christ, it was tiring just to watch her. I tried to mostly tune out her endless chatter and led us to our destination. Pest though she was, the pink idiot had inspired me to come up with an idea. Getting rid of her and hopefully get some help for that foray into diamond dog territory. Two birds with one stone.

"Well, here we are."

The pink menace looked none too sure about it. "It's... a little small."

No shit, Sherlock. The aforementioned place was little more than a run down shed on the outskirts of town, with dense brush and bushes surrounding it, keeping us largely out of sight from what few ponies could be seen within the confines of the mud village.

"True, but parties are your specialty, aren't they? I mean, you did say you are the best party planner in Equestria, but if you're saying you can't do it--"

"Can't do it?" she blew a raspberry. "I once threw a party in an old rusted grain silo with nothing more than tinsel, yarn and construction paper. This'll be easy peasy."

I smiled and, fighting the urge to grimace and pull away, I slung my arm over her shoulders as if we were good friends. "That's the spirit," I cheered with as much enthusiasm as I could. "Come on, let's go inside and see how you can make this work."

"Awesome! I love pulling off double themed parties. They can be really tricky, but are twice the fun if you can make them work. Oohhh, this'll be the funnest, most banging party I'll throw... this month."

No sooner did we reach the door and she stretched her hoof forward to open it, that my own filthy pony appendage slid upwards, grabbed ahold of that impossibly, obnoxiously tangled mess of hair and brutally smashed her face against the wooden door, completely shattering it and her body flung forward with enough force to send her sailing across to the opposite end, where she hit with a resounding crash.

"Yeah, but then that happened," I said to no one in particular. Huh, I probably shouldn’t have caved in the door like that. Now there’s a big gaping hole in the middle of the shack. The inside was sparsely furnished and stunk of wood rot and mothballs. I approached the pink pest’s body and noted with some relief she was still alive, if her chest was any indication. There was a big gash in her forehead that was freely bleeding, but she probably wouldn’t die from it.

Damn it, I should have put a bit more thought into this. I poked and prodded her still body, but nothing really happened. Hell, I don’t really know what I was expecting. Whatever the case, time was ticking, and my desire to get away from this mud village and its inhabitants had not lessened in the least. Which is why I tied up the pink pest with some funky smelling old fabrics, shoved a probably foul tasting gag in her mouth, stuffed her body in a sack and then hid her as best I could on the thick, unkempt vegetation around the shed.

When I was more or less satisfied the pink menace wouldn't be a problem, I headed back to town, trying to look nonchalant, as though I hadn't just knocked a pony unconscious. Yup, just another one of their ilk, minding her own business as she strolled around.

The noon rush was over and most of the little pukes were in the process of taking down their stalls at the market, ready to head on home. I admit, I did not really know where to look, and I didn't want to take up too much time. But to my slight disbelief, Lady Luck seemed to favor me today.

There she was, the pink pony, all smiles and exuberance as she jabbered nonsense at a big red earth stallion who wore a yoke, fitting for a beast of burden.

Then, to my mild disgust, the pink pest’s normally idiotic smile turned… lustful? Oh, God! Yeah, and even from where I was I could see the stallion’s face turn a deeper shade of red as he avoided the pink idiot’s gaze.

I mobilized quickly before anything weird would happen(well, weirder than seeing the pre-mating actions of mutants) and took on a jaunty canter, my face relaxed and my voice took on an unusually friendly quality.

“Hi there, Pinkie Pie!” I greeted loudly in my best girly voice. Could use some work, to be honest…

Both of them seemed surprised at the interruption and the stallion made no effort to hide his relief.

“Ah, hi there… um, you. What's shakin’?”

“Don't you remember me?” Hot damn. I don't wanna brag but I was going all Meryl Streep up on this bitch.

I could see the pink idiot start to fidget uncomfortably, trying to come up with something. It was amusing, really, but I kinda needed to get the ball rolling. “It's me, Febreze. Your college roommate?”

And just like that, she flipped a switch and reverted to her way too happy personality. Huh, I… almost can't believe that worked, not that I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth. For all I know she did have a college roommate named Febreze, but that did not really matter at the moment, for as she slowed down her jabbering, I was able to get a word in edgewise.

“Heh, heh. Yeah, it's good to see you too, Pinkie,” I chortled and tried to carefully, carefully remove her arms, which were embracing me. And I didn't hurt her or break her legs. Ha, I'm getting better at controlling my strength!

“So what brings you by, Febreze?”

“Don't you remember? You promised you were going to show me around Ponyville. You know, since it's my first time here.”

I could see her tiny mind struggling to work.

“Y-yeah, I did say that, but…”

“Awesome! We can start right now!” I said enthusiastically, placing an arm around her. “You don't mind, do you, big guy?” I asked the unnamed stallion. It was a little disconcerting how gratefully he looked at me.

“Nope,” was his only response before he turned tail and hauled ass out of there, leaving a trail of upturned dust in his wake.

Frustration and disappointment were evident in the pink pest’s eyes as she watched him go, lifting a foreleg after him. “W-wait… I--”

“See, he's okay with it. Could we start the tour now?”

“Okay, I guess,” she said a bit glumly.

Heh, heh, heh. Almost there.

The next part was relatively simple. I lured her to a small side street that lay behind two restaurants, sparse, rough and empty save for the large overflowing trash cans next to said establishments.

After looking both ways to make sure we were all alone, I tackled the pink pest to the ground. A cry of surprise and pain left her furry lips, but not too loud. The impact dazed her, and as she lay there, pinned under me, one of my hooves made a beeline for her throat while the other one stamped over her mouth making sure she did not make so much noise.

Her reaction was more or less what I expected. She squirmed and thrashed, making desperate noises and pounded at me with all her limbs. Turns out choking someone is not as easy as they make it seem in the movies. Yeah, it's not too hard to cut off airflow with hands, but I forgot to take account for the fact I had hooves instead. While for some reason or another things could be stuck to hooves in order to move things around, the things couldn't actually exert pressure, which was needed for any self respecting choking technique. Whatever the case, I wasn't getting anywhere in my attempts to choke her into unconsciousness, so I settled for smashing her head against the ground. Yeah, that wasn't so simple either. Do it too hard and her brains splatter all over. Not hard enough and she'll still be awake and trying to fight me off. Took three tries before she finally went still.

Stupid pony hooves. How do they get around with these things?

It truly boggled the mind at times, but I had no time to ponder the mysteries of pony life.

Then, just like that, the pink imposter’s body was enveloped by green flames and was replaced by a pony sized bug with fangs. Heck, upon closer inspection, the thing actually looked pretty cool. Still, that didn’t at all change the fate that would await it. My time on Ponyville was coming to an end, and I did not want to waste any time that would keep it from being a reality. I stuffed the bug pony’s body in a trash bag and returned to the castle. At this point in time, discretion was not really high up on my list of priorities and while I got plenty of weird looks dragging a lumpy garbage bag around, I was not stopped. Guess murder is not as prevalent here as back on Earth.

The walk back to the castle was uneventful besides the potion's effect wearing off me. Luckily, I had made sure to stash a set of clothes close to the mud village for such occurrences.

“Hey, Ari. You here?” I asked aloud when I was back inside the castle. Her amulet was still lying in the dresser where I left it and her apparition materialized itself after a moment.

“You called?” she asked expectantly.

“Got you something,” I said plainly, holding up the garbage bag and giving it a shake for emphasis.

“Oh. You… shouldn't have?” She said a bit uncertainly.

“Why don't you say that after you see what's inside?” I promptly tore open the bag and allowed the bug pony’s body to drop unceremoniously.

Yeah, that got her attention, as she stared at the thing scrutinizingly. “By Starswirl, is that a changeling?” she said almost breathlessly.

I shrugged. “It could be, for all I know. Can you use it to get around?”

“Maybe. Maybe…” she muttered and tapped her chin with a hoof. “It can't hurt to try.”

“So how does it work?”

“Place my amulet around the changeling’s neck. I'll take it from there.”

Was it that simple? Eh, I'll leave that to smarter minds than mine. I did as she said and for the next several moments, nothing happened save for the ‘ling’s chest rising and falling. Then his back leg twitched. Then again, and just like that, his eyes snapped opened, his limbs stretched and stuff, his back arched and his fanged pie hole opened in a soundless scream.

What the… It was unnerving and I couldn't help but back away.

His body then jerked and seized violently, his mouth lolling out and his every limb flailing wildly like a victim of possession, which I guess was not too far off the norm. Then it stopped. Abruptly, just like that, and it simply laid there.

I approached tentatively and after a moment of indecision, nudged the body with my foot. “Dude, are you even alive?”

Turns out she was, as she slowly came to. The buggy eyes slowly opened, still a cool blue and the face wincing in pain. Deliberately, the ‘ling slowly rose to a sitting position and rubbed tenderly at her head. “Did you have to be so rough? My head feels like it’s about to burst.”

The voice that came out was definitely not female and it posessed a buzzy quality to it, not unlike a fly flying around.

“I think I did fairly well, seeing how this is my first time kidnapping someone.”

“You walked down with a body in full view of the locals. Can’t get much worse than that,” she said reproachfully, eyes still closed and massaging the back of her head. “At least I have a body now. Thanks for that.”

I grunted in acknowledgement. “So how does this body snatcher thing work? Is the original owner still there, or…”

“No, he’s gone. I destroyed his mind.”

“That’s… creepy,” I said lamely, but truth be told, I more or less expected this.

“You seem okay with it,” she said casually, not looking at me. It seemed she had recovered, as she now inspected her new body with a critical eye, flexing her limbs and beating those fragile looking wings.

Perhaps I was. Or more likely, I wasn’t all that sure how to feel. It’s things like this you don’t usually think about, but this entire world-- away from Earth, from people, from humanity itself. The magic, the ponies, the annoying pastel colors. It made… atrocities and everything else seem less real, and given the ethical ramifications of what just happened, I was content to keep it that way. Hell, it’s probably how I managed to keep myself together during all this.

“I need your help with something.” My voice cracked as I abruptly broke myself out of my funk.

“Oh? What is it?” she asked half distractedly. She didn’t seem too impressed at my brilliant plan to stroll up on a diamond dog den and make demands out of its leader.

“You’re joking…” she groaned and tiredly rubbed her face.

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

“Do you honestly expect this to go well? At all? I’m assuming you’re not aware of the fact diamond dogs do not care much for humans.”

It’s always something, isn’t it? “What do you mean?”

“Diamond dogs are subterranean creatures. Humans are subterranean creatures. Do you see the problem here?”

“They… both live in dirt?”

“Rivalries, you foal! Territory disputes. Neither of them get along.”

“O~kay. That’s a problem…” I trailed off. “But that was a long time ago, right? Maybe things have changed,” I said, trying to go for optimistic.

“Are you basing that on the fact they’ve become an advanced enough society that does not engage in activities like… oh, I don’t know, robbing ponies? Because even if they were, I’d like to remind you that to them, you are no more than an animal.”

I facepalmed. “So I’ll strong arm them, or… I dunno, but I’m doing something. You coming with or not.”

She arched an eye. Green flames enveloped her and in a flash, where before stood a freakishly large bug was now a grey coated, black maned unicorn. “Of course I’m going. I did give you my word after all,” she said in a now feminine voice. “If nothing else, it’s a good excuse to stretch my legs.”

She then made a brisk trot toward one of the staircases that led down to the lower levels of the castle. “Hey, where are you going?”

“Preparations,” she called, not looking back. “If we’re doing this, I need to get my blades. Wait for me, I won’t be long.” And she disappeared from view before I could say anything else.

***

Oh, my gosh. Was Cutlass’ only thought. The pegasus had seen her fair share of unusual and outlandish things in her travels with her aunt. Still, an intelligent, talking human masquerading as a pony stood out no matter what. And with a changeling as a helper? It seemed like the opening line of a bad joke.

Just as she intended, the well intentioned pegasus discreetly followed her kin… or what she thought was her kin. All she ever set out to do was make sure that a fellow pony did not get hurt and now she stumbled upon a most bizarre scene. She had followed the ‘pony’ round Ponyville, and seeing her assault that friendly pink mare had been a shocker in and of itself. In fact, Cutlass had been so surprised she did not react much after it happened. Had she been of quicker mind, she would have done something to intervene, but then the disguised human went and subdued a changeling masquerading as a pony. It was like a train crash from there on out, as Cutlass could do little but watch in morbid fascination for what happened next.

She followed the human all the way into the Everfree. It was probably the magic or something, because the clouds there simply refused to cooperate in being marehandled. It was how she had maintained her cover during the whole thing, and trying to rein in an Everfree cloud was like trying to lasso a stallion during the annual Battle of the Broncos contests from her homeland.

In fact, she’d become a little too engrossed, for she had foolishly let her curiosity get the better of her and perched herself on the windowsill that overlooked the room the human had occupied. Without realizing it, she had pressed her weight on the railing directly below it, from which hung an old banner, and it creaked loudly upon bearing her poundage.

The human’s neck quickly snapped to Cutlass’ position and in that moment, the young pegasus knew she had been made.

Oh, horseapples. Was her last feeble thought before she felt a tug in her navel forcefully yank her from her position. With a startled squawk she sailed through the air, her limbs flailed and wings working furiously to stabilize herself.

But this lasted little more than two seconds before she let her instincts take over and acted accordingly. Cutlass twisted her body, using the built momentum to buck with both her legs, striking the human full force in her face and chest.

This broke her assailant's concentration, but by no means did it slow down The force by which Cutlass collided against her, sending them both sprawling on the ground.

Her blood pounded in her ears, and the rush of adrenaline, in combination with a pegasus’ natural resilience against high speed collisions enabled her to recover quickly as she scrambled to her hooves with little more than a ringing in her head.

She couldn't help but take a moment to gawk at the little human female, who fixed Cutlass with a combination of anger and annoyance, rubbing at her nose in an almost absentminded way, but if it hurt she did not show it. Cutlass couldn't help but be puzzled at this. The pegasus had been unlucky enough to be on the receiving end of a buck before, and knew for a fact that such a hit on one’s face should have merited no small amount of pain, wincing and blood on the afflicted party, yet the odd human looked no worse for wear.

“Why you…” the human muttered, her voice low, defensive and sardonic and all of a sudden lunged forward with the intention of tackling Cutlass to the ground. She missed by quite a good margin, as the pegasus mare’s reflexes enabled her to spread her wings and move out the way, keeping he left from harm’s reach. The chamber they all found themselves in was quite spacious, possibly used to host parties or events. This mean that despite being indoors, there was ample room to maneuver in the air, something Cutlass decided to take advantage of.

The drive to fight or flee had taken over her and in a split second, Cutlass realized that to escape, she ought to first disable the human, who by some reason or another was capable of casting magic. She was still trying to wrap her head around that. Cutlass herself was no stranger to scrapes and fights. She didn't usually go looking for them but were sometimes unavoidable and knew a thing or two about her own strengths and shortcomings. Yes, she could deliver a good buck like most everypony, but her svelte and slender form did not grant her with great physical strength and seeing what the human could do to a pony, she was not too crazy about getting too close either. Brute force was not her field, but even so, an idea popped into her head, something she could go to incapacitate the human long enough to make her escape.

Cutlass flapped her wings in a series of powerful and precise strokes that catapulted her forward with impressive velocity, a strenuous feat that allowed her to achieve great bursts of speeds for a few moments, but that was all she needed.

The pegasus was little more than a blur as she covered the distance between herself and the human in the blink of an eye, whose arm was outstretched and was no doubt about to do something Cutlass would not like.

Timing was key and in that she succeeded. Despite the velocity of her descent, Cutlass managed to grab onto the human’s left arm with both hooves and used the momentum of her flight to spin full circle, taking the surprised girl along with her, who yelled in surprise as she found herself sailing through the air and crashed into one of the decorative suits of armor that lined the room, taking it down with her and filling the whole room with the grating found of metal against stone. Not bad at all, considering she had only seen this move yesterday in a Power Ponies comic book.

Seeing an opening, Cutlass sped towards the nearest window, ready to make a hasty retreat, but did not expect the banners hung on either side of it to come alive and block the exit just as she was not more than a few feet from it. It was too sudden and there was not enough time to stop or change directions, and as soon as Cutlass came into contact with them, the banners wrapped around her, layer after layer passing through her vision as her body was completely enveloped from the neck down.

Cutlass struggled against her bonds, but the ancient fabric held. Not that it mattered much as she was unable to move even an inch of her constricted body. Oh, fiddlesticks! I’ve gone and done it now.

The sound of hoofsteps resonated along the stone surfaces of the castle and Cutlass looked in their direction, catching sight of the grey coated pony. No, not a pony, but a changeling disguised as a pony.

Cutlass licked her lips nervously and offered a weak smile. “Um… uh… h-hey there,” she stammered and squirmed uncomfortably. “C-could you let me go, please? I swear, I won’t tell anypony what happened… o-or what I’ve seen,” she added hastily. The changeling looked at her with interest, but did not appear malicious in any way. The same could not be said for the human girl, who muttered a string of crude words Cutlass could barely make out. Her voice was low, defensive and sardonic, the same as when she’d been a pony and was probably the norm for her.

She shuffled into view, scowling down at Cutlass before a spark of recognition could be seen in her eyes. “You… I remember you. You’re that pegasus from the train station,” she whispered harshly to herself more than anything and for a moment, her countenance gave way to alarm and worry before being replaced by suspicion and anger. Stalking forward, she bent down and picked up Cutlass, curtains and all and brought her close to her unnervingly expressive face. “Who are you? What are you doing here? What did you see? How long have you been following me? Answer me, unless you want to find out what it feels like to be strangled by your own intestines!” the girl threatened as she shook the pegasus harder and harder with every word.

For a moment, Cutlass was rendered stunned into silence as she had no idea how to respond to such a threat, not to mention the fact her vision was spinning and she felt a wave of disorientation at the rough marehandling. She closed her eyes and shook her head, which helped a bit and when she opened them, there they were again, both the girl and the changeling staring at her expectantly.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean anything by it,” Cutlass blurted out quickly. “I didn’t mean to spy on you, honest! I just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to get in any trouble.”

“What?” the girl said flatly.

“Well… you know. Back at the station. You were raring to go and storm a diamond dog den, and it really looked like you were going to.”

The girl merely rolled her eyes. “Of course I was going to, what’s your point here?”

“That’s stupid,” Cutlass couldn’t help but blurt out. She continued quickly at seeing the human’s unamused glare. “L-look, I thought you were a pony, and ponies just don’t go into diamond dog territory looking for trouble. You could be hurt. Nopony in their right mind would knowingly go headfirst and stir up the dogs. I… just wanted to make sure you weren’t really gonna go through with it.”

“You expect me to believe you were tailing after me for nothing more than to make sure I was alright? I wasn’t born yesterday, you know.”

“It’s the truth, I swear,” Cutlass declared hotly, doing her best to appear sincere, as she was, for the most part. She matched the girl’s accusing glare with her own earnest one. Cutlass fought against the urge to blink her increasingly prickly eyes as neither of them yielded for quite some time.

The human girl then suddenly huffed and backed away, though still keeping ahold of Cutlass. “Christ, now what am I gonna do with you?” she muttered to herself, though not exactly making an effort to hide it.

“You could let me go,” Cutlass offered with a small, uneasy smile. “I promise, I won’t tell anypony about this, and I’ll even make it worth your time.”

“How?” the girl asked after a moment of indecision.

“Well, you know my auntie? The griffon you met back at the station?” A nod. “We’re actually heading to Las Pegasus for one of her business trips. I can make sure you get a free ride with us and if you really can take care of the diamond dog problem, I’ll make sure she gives you a good reward. What do you think?”

“I think it sounds a little too good to be true and I don’t trust you to actually go through with it.”

The other occupant in the room, the changeling, suddenly stepped forward and made her opinion known. “Now, let’s not be hasty here. Ah, could I speak to you for a moment?” she asked the human girl, who gave a jerky nod and put Cutlass’ still bound body down.

They retreated a short distance away and spoke in hushed tones, the human girl’s growing in incredulousness as her opposite’s mildly annoyed countenance spoke clear and concise. Whatever the argument was, the human eventually relented and crossed her arms, looking not too pleased and the ‘unicorn’ approached Cutlass again, a small satisfied smile on her muzzle.

“It's your lucky day, um…” the unicorn prompted.

“Cutlass.”

“Cutlass, then. My friend here is willing to hear you out, but as you can understand, we need a little assurance that you will keep your word.”

Her ears perked up at this. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well you see, Jacqueline here is determined to go through with her little adventure and we’ll be leaving for the dogs’ den in a minute.”

“And… you want me to go with you guys?” Cutlass asked incredulously. “Into diamond dog territory?”

“Basically,” was the only response.

Cutlass heaved a long sigh and said, “Sure, why not? Anything that will get me out of this...” she trailed off and squirmed uncomfortably. “Speaking of, would you mind? It’s getting really tight in here.”

The unicorn’s horn glowed, followed swiftly by the sound of tearing fabric and Cutlass sprung eagerly from her constrictive cocoon.

“Oof, that’s better,” she sighed in relief and stretched her wings, which had been pinned against her at uncomfortable angles. An awkward silence then filled the room as all three parties looked back and forth at each other, unsure how to proceed.

Cutlass took the initiative. She spread her wings and fluttered over to the human in a paced trajectory. Said oddity had her arms crossed and her eye twitched briefly as Cutlass approached, her stoic expression not giving an inch.

The pegasus herself had mixed feelings about the whole ordeal. An intelligent, speaking human was a head turner in and of itself, and tense as the situation might have been, Cutlass couldn’t help but be overcome by a sense of foallike curiosity. And she could understand to a degree the girl’s hostile behavior, even if it was a bit frightening.

“Hiya there. My name’s Cutlass,” she said brightly with a smile to match and her leg outstretched in a friendly greeting, waiting for the girl to reciprocate. The human did not move for several moments, but this did not detract Cutlass, who stayed true to her friendly demeanor.

But her patience was rewarded as the girl slowly reached out with her own small, pale hand and shook Cutlass’ hoof, muttering only a simple “Hey,” before letting go.

Cutlass held back a sigh of relief. Traveling with her aunt had taught the pegasus a thing or two regarding mutual agreements; a key measure was needed for all parties involved, however small that sliver of understanding might be. And truth be told, Cutlass was actually looking forward to the incoming excursion.

Equestria was undoubtedly a nice place to visit, with its marvelous and scenic natural vistas and its unparalleled sweets and pastries, to say nothing of the friendliness of the locals. Cutlass found it truly surprising just how friendly the Equestrian ponies were. You could know someone for only a few hours and come night time, you would be the best of friends; not the kind of disposition she’d encountered in most other foreign lands.

But for all its attractions, Equestria or at least Equestrian life, simply lacked that sense of excitement and adventure Cutlass had grown so accustomed to, and a little jaunt into a diamond dog den looked to be exactly what she needed to get out of her increasingly sedentary funk.

“You gonna need anything?” the human asked. “Weapons or anything of the like?”

Cutlass thought about this for a moment… and she still couldn’t help but gush internally how bizarre and… well, awesome, it was to hear an actual human speak. She tended to favor light covering for her legs, studded with brass at the hooves and a single, form fitting vest lined with pockets where she could stash away any trinkets that might catch her eye. “Nah, I’m good. I trust my own four hooves better than any weapon. Know what I mean?”

“Actually… yeah. I think I get it,” the girl responded, a bit more forthcoming this time and her stance considerably more relaxed. “Come on, then. I want to get this over with as soon as possible.”

All in all, Cutlass believed she took the situation rather well, however unusual it may have been. She'd noticed the ‘unicorn’ had strapped a sash around her midsection, it's appearance resembling that of leather.

“And you, Ari?” Asked the human.

From her sash she levitated six blades that were sheathed in specially made pockets carved into the material, silver, conical and simple in appearance with no handle. “These are all I'll need,” she said confidently. “Normally, I'd use my magic to protect myself, but this body’s reserves are pathetically low.”

And so off the went. A human, a pony and a changeling heading into a diamond dog den. It sounded to Cutlass like the beginning of a bad joke

After passing the forest, Cutlass did some aerial recon and pointed us to the most likely place where these diamond dogs would make their den. It was about a twenty minute walk from the forest’s perimeter and the dense vegetation gave way to a bleak landscape. Nothing but rugged earth all around, boulders of various sizes jutting out the ground and what few trees could be seen were long since dead and dry. No sign of life at all.

“Are you sure this is the right place?” I asked Cutlass, who was leading the way.

“Yep, yep,” came the chipper reply. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was enjoying herself. “See those mounds of earth way over there?” She pointed to said objects, which lay a few hundred feet from our location. “That there’s various entrances to diamond dog territory.”

“They just leave it out in the open?”

“Nopony ever accused diamond dogs of being smart,” Ari chimed in, to which Cutlass made a sound of agreement. “Besides, we still have to figure out where to go in.”

“Right, right,” Cutlass said. “I think I heard somewhere that a diamond dog tunnel is like a maze. If you don’t know where you’re going, you can easily get lost in there.”

“Not to mention they can probably collapse the earth around you and bury you alive,” Ari said matter-of-factly.

“Yeah… do you even have a plan? Because I really don’t want to be lost forever. Or die at the paws of diamond dogs. That would just be insulting.”

“Of course I have a plan,” I said hotly. Well, part of a plan, really, but still. “We’ll just have to find a dog and ask it to take us to its leaders.”

“And you’re going to do this how, exactly?” Cutlass pressed on.

“I’ll draw them out,” was my sole response.

Cutlass and Ari shared a look while I took the lead. The diamond dog burrows stretched across an expanse of land the size of two football fields lined side to side, and it was to its middle that I made my destination. Cutlass and Ari shot furtive glances around them, as if expecting the dogs to pop out of the earth at any moment. Me, I felt a mixture of both apprehension and exhilaration. Who knows, maybe it was both their attitudes rubbing off on me. That I wasn’t alone certainly helped as well.

Now all I needed was a dog to interrogate. Obviously, it would be a bad idea to simply jump in, as we’d risk getting lost on a labyrinthine maze of tunnels, but with the beast’s cooperation, we would at least get a good understanding of their layout. And since diamond dogs were subterranean creatures, I assumed they would be able to sense vibrations. Well, I intended to give them a whopper.

Targeting a random patch of land, I let loose with a juiced up, kinetic wave that slammed into the ground with considerable force, gouging a decently sized crater and making a rather loud booming noise as it struck the earth.

A startled yelp somewhere beside me drew my attention to Cutlass. Said pony was airborne, hiding behind the remains of a withered tree and with only her head and a hoof poking out.

“W-what in the hay was that?” she demanded. Heh, clearly she hadn’t been expecting that.

“Relax, will ya? It’s just me. And keep an eye out, both of you. The dogs definitely felt that, and someone will be coming to investigate.”

Bemusement was clear all over her fuzzy mug but fortunately, she did as I said and kept a lookout for any dogs that would come out. Ari and I did the same, ready to capture one if the opportunity presented itself.

So yeah. We waited…

Then we waited…

And we waited some more.

“I… don’t think they’re coming,” Ari said after we’d been aimlessly standing/flying for a few minutes.

Me, I facepalmed. Oh, for the love of… Stupid diamond dogs. Couldn’t they play along? Very well, if my attempt to draw them wasn’t enough, then it was time to kick it up a notch.

“Alright, I’mma try something else. Get back, both of you.”

“What are you…” Ari started to say before she cottoned on. I drew lots, and I mean lots of magic into my palms, pooling enough for a whopper of a spell. In a flash of light, Ari teleported herself a good distance away and I let loose with a massive explosion of kinetic force, driving it straight in the ground. The earth all around me cracked and trembled, and it was a slight miracle that I didn’t immediately lose my footing. In other parts the ground caved in, forming sinkholes, trees and rocks had been reduced to splinters and pebbles, and by the end of it, only a scant few diamond dog burrows had been left more or less intact. Well, those well outside the range of my spell, as everything around me had been compressed into a crater.

Not that I had any time to register or appreciate any of this, as I dropped to my knees immediately after, as my body hurt all over. My muscles seared like white hot metal, my blood felt like acid and my head felt like an overripe melon ready to burst. Goddamn, it hurt.

“Hey, are you alright?” I could barely make out Cutlass’ voice. To be fair, I was a little too busy being wracked by extraordinary pain to be able to do much of anything. Didn’t stop me from making out a magical, pop-ish noise that signified Ari’s presence.

“You idiot,” she sighed. “That was a very stupid thing you did.” I could only moan in response.

“Okay, I’m confused. What just happened?” Cutlass asked.

“If you ask me, I’d guess that using all that magic at once put a great deal of strain on her body. Not surprising. Humans are not built to cast magic after all.”

“Well, we can’t just stay here. If the dogs didn’t notice her first little love tap, they definitely felt this. And this is just me, but I don’t think they’ll be all that happy with us.”

“Agreed. Alright, Jacqueline, hold still.”

Huh? Wha…? I felt two hooves roughly turn me over onto my stomach and immediately after, there was a bony, pointy something that pressed against the base of my skull.

“Hey, what are you…?” And bam! Just like that I felt a condensed flow of magic travel through my brain stem and into my noggin, messing things around and the pain that so wracked my body not moments before was gone.

“There. Better now?”

I admit, I was a bit too stunned to answer, but you go and see what it feels like to be Crucio’d and have it stop all of a sudden. Gives a good shock to the body. Eventually, I managed to get back up, albeit shakily and was in a better state of mind to answer.

“You… did you do that, Ari? I thought you guys’ magic didn't work on me.”

“Normally, yes, but you foolishly used far too much of your power for a single spell. In fact, I'd say you're as susceptible as anyone to magic at this point.” She accentuated this by levitating me, just like that, with no visible strain on her part.

“H-hey, cut it out. It’s not funny,” I protested as she willed my body to turn in place.

“Look on the bright side,” Cutlass said, unsympathetic to my plight. Said pegasus fluttered in tandem with me and bopped my nose. “At least you’re taller now. Heh, heheh. Get it? Because you’re such a cute little shrimp.” That she ruffled my hair really didn’t help matters.

I slapped her hoof away. “Alright, enough! Stop it, both of you. Did you forget what we came here for?”

“As you wish,” Ari sighed and abruptly released her hold on me.

“Hey, do you guys hear that?” Cutlass asked. She stood above our heads paying attention to a patch of land that was collapsing in on itself. Ari and I turned our attention to it and indeed, the thing was growing in size, starting out the size of a coin but gradually growing in size. And get this, as it grew so too were we able to make sounds coming up from below the dirt. Barely audible, but definitely there.

“They’re definitely coming through here,” I muttered to myself, and I couldn’t help but notice my palms were starting to get moist, my heart raced and muscles tensed. Obviously, common sense dictated that standing just above the hole was not the best idea, so the three of us backed away a good distance. Ari drew three of her blades, with a look of cool confidence on her mug. Cutlass, meanwhile, looked antsy, like a kid waiting for his turn at the ice cream truck, hitting her front hooves together. Man, I think they’re taking this better than I was.

I’m not really sure how much of it was real and how much of it was false bravado, but I managed to keep my composure. The hole was now as wide as I was tall, and the scratching of claws on dirt and yips and howls were more clearly defined. They were closer now, and like a termite mound, the edges around the hole grew upwards in size until finally, the bottle-corked dogs sprung from the ground all at once.

My first thought upon seeing them was that they were fugly as fuck, with sloping bodies, impossibly massive forearms that ended with paws that looked to be able to snap bone with a single swing. Their back end, on the other hand was ridiculously small. I was by no means an expert on diamond dog anatomy, but I couldn’t imagine they’d stand upright for too long. Probably used their front paws gorilla style. And their faces were not limited in size and shape. Some looked like dobermans, others bulldogs, others were clearly pit bulls, terriers, mastiffs and a bunch of others I do not care to name.

It goes without saying, but seeing so many of their number come out all at once nearly broke my composure and I was more than tempted to turn and run the other way. Still, the thought of losing face in front of Ari and Cutlass was not all that appealing either, so I braced myself and prepared to scrap my way out of a mountain of dogs.

Of course, the stupid canines just had to go and ruin my moment of solidarity. They completely ignored us and instead hauled ass out of there. A couple of them even bumped into me. Another dog that got too close to Ari found a massive gash carved along its midsection. Her blades moved to fast for me to catch more than a silvery glint. Nevertheless, she knew what she was doing as she succeeded in disemboweling the dog, who promptly dropped to the ground amid agonizing howls.

Still, she realized something was amiss as well, for none of the dogs seemed to have taken notice of their felled kin.

“Ari, the hell is going on?!” I hissed, hoping she could shed some light on the situation.

“I don’t know,” was her sole response.

“So, I’m not an expert on diamond dogs or anything,” Cutlass said from above us. “But it seems to me they’re running away from something.”

Yep, that was about right. Or at least, it seemed to be, now that I looked at the things with a fresh perspective. Again, it does not cease to amaze how most every living thing here can have disturbingly human-like expressions. Unnerving, really. Anyway, from what I could tell, the dogs were indeed scared, and Ari seemed to come to this conclusion as well. Question was, what in the world are they running from?

Almost as if on cue, a number of dogs burst out anew, but they were different than the other ones. For one, they looked pissed, growling, barking, and some of them even foaming at the mouth. Secondly, they wielded weapons-- crude things made of equally crude materials. Spears, swords and maces. Thirdly, was the armor they wore. Every other dog that came before them was bereft of clothing, yet these bozos were sporting equally crude plating of some type of metal.

Whatever the case, my companions and I couldn’t help but gape as these dogs began to systematically slaughter their unarmored ilk. Another thing I couldn’t help but notice was that the fleeing dogs seemed to be on the skinny side, with the worst cases emaciated. Not so much for the brutes, who were very robust. With fast, powerful strides, they ran down their victims. It was a slaughter.

In the span of a few seconds, the alarmed yelps and yips of the dogs was overcome by a litany of violence, pain and anguish. Pained howls and screaming signaled the unlucky sods who were mercilessly cut down, and it wasn’t like they went quickly. Showing what little civility they had, the attacking dogs stabbed their victims through the gut, oftentimes more than once and in the process spilled out fountains of blood and more than a few organs. The victims would then be left for dead as the attackers looked for more potential targets.

Other unfortunate dogs were literally hacked to pieces, their limbs cut off as they could do little but scream and hope death came swift. Those with maces seemed particularly fond of bashing in their victims’ brains until there was nothing left but vague remains of what used to be a cranium and other still used nothing more than their own fangs and paws to literally tear their victims in half… or apart.

They didn’t discriminate at all. There were dogs there too small to be adults and others still with a more feminine pitch in their voices. I craned my neck and could make out Cutlass expression of shock and disgust. Probably mirrored my own. Ari on the other hand, seemed to be taking it better. An upturned corner of her lip was all she gave away, probably in distaste. Me, I chose not to say anything. I couldn’t guarantee I would not puke if I opened my mouth.

“Ready yourselves. They’ve seen us now,” Ari said. All six of her blades were out now, forming a semicircle around her that glistened in the moonlight.

True enough, eight of the dogs had taken notice of us and bounded forward, all careless and arrogant, as if thinking we would go down easy.

“Let them,” Cutlass boasted. “If it’s a fight they want, it’s a fight they’ll get.”

I didn’t trust myself to speak now, so instead, I let my actions do the talking. With a telekinetic hold, I grabbed two of the dogs mid stride. The look of surprise on their ugly mugs was all they could muster before I flicked my wrist upwards and just like that, they were no longer there. Their yelps of alarm died out almost immediately as in the span of a few seconds, they were catapulted hundreds of feet into the air. If the thin air or the crushing g-forces didn’t kill them, the fall most certainly would.

Cutlass dove forward in a surprising show of speed. One of the dogs swung its arm clumsily, hoping to land a strike with its mace. With her air superiority, it wasn’t too surprising she’d managed to evade it. Diving just below the incoming blow, Cutlass’ hoof shot out and grabbed ahold of the dog’s side. Using the grip and the momentum she’d built up, her body turned a full 180 degrees so that she now faced the dog’s armored backside, grabbed ahold with both hooves and lifted them both into the air a good ten feet. The stupid beast did not know what to make of things, as it flailed helplessly. Not that it mattered much as Cutlass dove backwards and into the ground. A sickening crunch heralded the dog’s death, its neck broken while the pegasus looked no worse for wear.

A flash of silver and one of the dogs stopped in its tracks, clutching at its eyes and letting out a high-pitched whine of agony. Damn, Ari had good aim. The two blades that had embedded themselves within the dog’s eyes were violently yanked through its paws, cleaving through flesh, tendon and bone as if they weren’t even there. With unnerving accuracy, the rest of Ari’s blades plunged through the dogs’ unarmored kneecaps, effectively rendering them immobile. One of them even managed to stab its own throat by accident as it fell on its blade. The rest were swiftly dispatched as Ari slit their throats while downed.

Cutlass whistled appreciatively. “Not bad. Have you guys done this before?”

“Once or twice.”

“Not… really.”

“So what’s the plan? Are we still doing this?” She made a halfhearted motion to the carnage still going on around us.

“They’re taking them back,” I muttered.

“What’s that?” Ari asked. She was a bit distracted, wiping her blades clean on the body of a random dog.

“See? They’re taking back the other dogs.” I pointed to two of the mutts who were dragging a third one back into the ground. The scene repeated itself over the area. The armored dogs’ bloodlust seemed to have lessened, for now they focused on dragging back their malnourished counterparts. Said victims pleaded pathetically, not wanting to go back, others grabbed onto anything they could sink their paws into and more than a few allowed themselves to be taken without much of a fight. Probably either gave up or were beaten into unconsciousness.

“Ohh, I see what’s going on,” Cutlass said triumphantly. “Lotta diamond dogs are slavers. Those poor saps were probably trying to escape.”

“Quick, before they all go back in. Grab one of the guards. They’ll have answers we want,” Ari urged me, still trying to get all that icky blood off her blades.

Slaving sentient dogs. What? No, just go with it. I have enough problems without trying to make sense of this world. Spotting another dog, I outstretched my arm and with a gripping motion, it sailed through the air and towards us, where it landed not too gently. It scrambled to get back up and fight, but Cutlass gave it a good buck to the head, dropping it like a sack of dirt and leaving it dazed.

“Nice,” I remarked. She flashed me a toothy grin and held up a hoof. Not knowing what else to do, I bumped it with a fist. Seemed like the right course of action.

“Alright, you two. Hold him up,” Ari ordered. Neither Cutlass or I moved. “Well go on. Or do you not wish to interrogate him?”

We shared a look before simultaneously bending down and grabbed ahold of the dazed dog’s arms to prop it up in a sitting position. It was a fighter, I’ll give it that, no sooner had we touched it that its struggles began anew. And to my surprise, I was actually struggling to keep it in place. Damn, I’d have to ask Ari about that, though I can probably make a guess.

“Oh, for the love of…” came Ari’s annoyed mutter before a pained yelp caused the dog to keep still.

Out of curiosity, Cutlass and I looked to see what caused the beast’s compliance and winced at the sight of two of Ari’s blades pressed tight against the dog’s manhood. Similarly, said unicorn’s countenance was twisted into a disgusted sneer, obviously not liking her blades were touching something dirty. “You got him?” she said in a clipped tone. Cutlass and I reinforced our hold on it.

Ari stepped closer, looking at the diamond dog as if it was little more than a foul stain smeared on her hooves. “Alright, you inferior, smelly, stupid beast. I am going to ask you a few questions and you are going to answer. Otherwise…” she let the silence speak for itself as she dragged one of the blades pressed into the dog’s junk.

The beast itself seemed to be undergoing fits of both rage and terror, for it opened its mouth to let out a series of guttural noises, yips and barks.

“I don’t think he understands Equish,” Cutlass said unhelpfully.

Ari sighed. “Yes, I’m very much aware of that.”

“So do we let it go or…” I trailed off. “Because pretty much all of them are gone now.” It was true. We were pretty much the only still-living life forms here. Well, us and some buzzards that were attracted to the carnage.

“Of course we’re not letting him go,” Ari scoffed. “There’s more than one way to get what we need.”

“What do you have in mind?” Cutlass asked.

“You’ll see. Now keep him still.” We did so and Ari leaned forward and brought her face within inches of its own. I was about ready to warn her of any incoming bites before her eyes glowed. It was barely perceptible, but it was there. A soft, blue, lightsaber glow came out her eyes and almost immediately, the dog went still, its eyes glowing as well.

Both Ari and the dog maintained their positions, their bodies as still as if they were carved from stone. Hell, I wasn’t sure they were even breathing. Cutlass shot me an inquisitive look, but I merely shrugged.

And just like that, the dog’s body went into convulsive fits, becoming more and more violent as the seconds passed, yet its eyes never left Ari’s. Then stuff began to ooze out its orifices. From its ears, mouth, eyes and nose emerged trails of blood, growing in size and accompanying it were pulpy, snot-like bits of grey matter.

It was at this point that Cutlass and I let go with simultaneous cries of disgust and backed away, not wanting to get any of that mess on us. Ari also came to, though she took her time. Even after we’d let go of the dog’s lifeless body, her eyes were still open and aglow. Not sure if she even registered what just happened. Then she closed her eyes, and brought up a hoof to rub her noggin, a slight moan escaping her lips.

“Oof, haven’t done that in a while,” she muttered and opened her eyes, almost immediately spotting the mess she’d made, then us.

“Uh, I think I can speak for both of us when I say, what in the hay was that?”

“And why is it gross?”

“That too. You could’ve given us a head’s up, you know,” Cutlass admonished.

“Well, you see,” Ari said as she trotted nonchalantly towards us. “That was a little something I learned back in the day.”

“When you were a wanted pony, you mean?”

“I thought she’s a changeling,” Cutlass asked.

“Just go with it.”

“In any case,” she cut us off. “I successfully broke into the dog’s mind. Everything it knows, I know it too.”

“Now when you say everything…”

“Well, maybe not everything everything. A mind can only process so much in so short an amount of time. Suffice it to say, I managed to get enough to get a good sense of what’s going on.”

“And?” I urged.

“Like Cutlass said, these dogs are slavers. They used their victims to dig more tunnels, expand their territory and dig up as many gems as they can find. The force of your spell completely collapsed a great many of the tunnels, crushing many dogs-- guards especially. From what I can make out, the slaves tried to escape and the clan leader demanded they be brought back.”

“Right. Any chance they won’t cause trouble anymore?” Hey, a girl could dream.

“No. If anything, I suspect their leader will order more raids in order to make up for all the damage, not to mention the labor shortage.”

“So…”

“Killing him would be your answer.”

“Hey, don’t forget,” Cutlass warned. “Even if you manage to off him, there’s no guarantee whoever steps up as clan leader won’t keep stirring up trouble.”

“Are you… saying we need to kill them all?” Okay, maybe I’ve been taking the lives I snuffed out pretty easy, but I was by no means a Ted Bundy level of sadist. Wholesale slaughter just didn’t seem like the first option to go for.

“I guess if you manage to scare them enough you can get them to leave the territory altogether,” Cutlass suggested, though it seemed she was grasping at straws.

“Either way, we have to act now,” Ari stated. “The dogs are confused and disorganized at the moment. You won’t find a better opportunity to act. And however you want to go about it, you need to kill the leader either way. As long as he lives, reasoning with the dogs is a foal’s errand.”

So it’s like that, eh? Heh, screw all those bleeding heart liberals. Sometimes violence is the only way. In any case, our course was laid out before us. I’m not sure what Ari and Cutlass’ thoughts were on the matter. Would they rather we turn back or do we push on. Granted, I all but strong armed them into coming with me. The fact they didn’t put up a fuss was all the more irritating. They had to know their lives would be put at risk if they came with me, especially at this point in time. Still, they looked ready go on.

Damn it. Distracting thoughts. Pesky things they are. Action tends to shoo them away, so I went and crawled down the diamond dog shaft, Ari and Cutlass following suit.

Author's Notes:

Thanks to Schroedingers_Katze for pre-reading. She's awesome.

On another note, all chapters have been revised. Nowhere to go but forward now.