"So whut's this game you want us to play?" Applejack asked.

The six core members of the Rainbooms were having another slumber party at Pinkie's house, as they were prone to do twice a month. Their seventh member, Vinyl Scratch, had been invited, but had a prior commitment.

Sunset Shimmer pulled a black box out of her backpack. The cover read simply:

"Ooh, I've heard of that game," Pinkie said. "It's like those old Mad Libs books they used to sell back in middle school, only...well...I've heard this gets pretty raunchy."

"It says it's for horrible people," Fluttershy said softly. "We...we're not horrible...are we?"

"We're certainly not," Rarity said.

Sunset rolled her eyes. "That's just the slogan," she said. "Well...okay, it's...pretty raunchy. But it's all in good fun." She smiled. "I thought maybe it'd help us all loosen up...maybe show each other a side of ourselves we don't really let out much."

"Huh," Applejack said thoughtfully.

"So how's this game work?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"There's a deck of white cards and a deck of black cards," Sunset explained, opening the box. "We each take ten white cards to start. Then we each take turns being the Card Queen—"

"I thought it was Card Czar?" Pinkie said.

"Yeah, well, we're all girls, so I'm going with Queen," Sunset said.

"Okie-dokie lokie!"

Sunset Shimmer began shuffling the cards. "So as I was saying, we each take turns being the Card Queen. The Card Queen draws a black card, which either has a question, or a fill-in-the-blank sentence. The Card Queen reads it out, then everyone else picks a white card to answer the question or fill in the blank. The idea is to pick the funniest thing in your hand to match with the black card. The Card Queen reads the question again, then reads the answers. Then she picks the answer that's the funniest. Whoever played that answer gets the black card for that round, which becomes an Awesome Point. Then the next player becomes Card Queen, while everyone draws back white cards until they have ten again. At the end of the game, the player with the most Awesome Points wins."

"Hehe, Awesome Points," Rainbow Dash chuckled. "Yeah, I can get behind that."

Rarity frowned. "Well...it certainly sounds simple enough."

Sunset smirked. "I've actually played this game. It can get pretty wild."

"Oh my...I don't know..."

"Let's play!" Pinkie cheered. "I don't mind getting a little raunchy if it's with my BFFs!"

Everyone stared at her.

Sunset shook her head. "Okay, I think we'll go in reverse alphabetical order for Card Queen. That way, I can start, and show you how the game works, okay?"

The others tentatively agreed and began drawing white cards.

As they looked over the cards they'd drawn, Sunset observed their reactions. Rarity's cheeks were very pink, Applejack's eyebrows were climbing into her hairline, Pinkie Pie was giggling, Fluttershy looked like she was about to have a panic attack, and Rainbow Dash looked like she'd just found out what was in the mystery meat in the cafeteria.

"Oh...oh my goodness...what...what IS this?"

"Uhh...Sunset...darling..." Rarity coughed. "I'm...suddenly not so sure about this game."

"Hey! No chicken-outsies!" Pinkie cried.

"Well I'm playin'," Rainbow said. "Just because I gotta see how big of a train wreck this turns into."

Applejack grumbled. "Heck, Ah'm in."

"Good, then we're all playing," Sunset said as she drew a black card. "Then let's begin..." Clearing her throat, she read loudly and clearly, "Daddy, why is Mommy crying?"

"This isn't off to a promising start at all," Rarity said as she rifled through her cards.

"Heh, that's actually pretty tame for this game," Pinkie said.

"Oh my goodness," Fluttershy mumbled, sinking below the edge of the table.

"Come on, come on, pick a card and pass it here," Sunset said.

One by one, the girls each slid a white card, face-down, over to Sunset, who collected them and, keeping them face-down, shuffled them. Once they were sufficiently shuffled, she picked the black card back up, followed by the first white card.

"Daddy, why is Mommy crying?" she repeated. Then, looking at the white card, she said, "Bingeing and purging."

"That'd do it," Rainbow said.

"Whoever came up with this game is sick," Applejack said.

Sunset shook her head and picked up the next card. "Penis envy."

Pinkie started giggling. Sunset snickered, then picked up another card. "Estrogen."

"Booo," Rainbow Dash jeered. "Lame!"

"That was way too tame," Pinkie agreed.

"Hmm. Yes, I suppose that's not a very...fun answer, is it?"

A fourth card was picked up and read by Sunset. "An asymmetric boob job."

Rarity tittered. "Oh dear. Yes, I suppose one would cry over that."

"Oh my."

"And last, we have..." Sunset turned over the fifth card. "Court-ordered rehab." She chuckled. "Okay...I think I'm gonna have to go with the boob job one. Who had that?"

"Me!" Pinkie called, waving a hand in the air.

Sunset laughed. "Okay, Pinkie. You get an Awesome Point." She slid the black card over to Pinkie, who cheered as she set it aside. "Okay, everybody draw a white card to replace the one you used that time. Rarity, you're the Card Queen now, so take a black card and get ready."

"Oh, very well," Rarity said, drawing first a white card, then a black card. "Is everybody ready?" When the girls all nodded, she picked up the black card, read it once, then covered her mouth and giggled. "Oh. Oh my. Ahem. What would Grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?"

"Hah! I bet I can beat you all," Sunset said, immediately slapping a white card down.

"Hmmm...so many choices, and such riches aplenty," Rainbow said as she mulled over her cards. "Eh. Guess this'll do." She laid one down as well.

"INSTANT WIN!" Pinkie declared, slapping down a card.

"Oh...um...I don't think any of these really work," Fluttershy said, before timidly playing a card.

"Ah...uh...wanna pass this round," Applejack said.

"No, that's not how this game works," Sunset said. "You gotta play."

"Yeah but...Ah just...can't really..." Applejack swallowed.

"Just throw something down, AJ! Sheesh!"

"Well...shucks..." Applejack threw a card down, a disgusted look on her face. "This game is a pile of horseapples," she declared.

"That's what makes it fun," Sunset said, grinning. "Okay, Rarity. Do the thing."

Rarity shuffled the white cards. "Alright. What would Grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?" She picked up the first white card, then raised an eyebrow. "Oh dear. Ahem. A bleached asshole."

Rainbow Dash snorted. "WHAT?!"

"Well, that's what it says," Rarity whined, laying the card on the table. "Next one is...being on fire."

"Yeah, there ain't nothin' endearin' 'bout bein' on fire," Applejack said.

"Next is...teenage pregnancy," Rarity announced.

"Well...I guess if she really really wants great-grandkids," Pinkie mused.

"The next one is..." Rarity glanced at the fourth card, then made a choked, spluttering noise. "WHAT?!"

"What's it say?" Pinkie asked.

Rarity turned very red. "Umm...it says...'inserting a mason jar into my anus.'"

"WOW," Rainbow said, eyes bugging out.

"Meep," Fluttershy meeped.

Pinkie Pie cracked up. "That's AWESOME!" she declared. "Oh, if I was Card Queen this round, I'd SO pick that one!"

Rarity coughed. "Ahem. The last one says 'elderly Neighponese men.'"

"Awww, that's a cute answer," Pinkie said, still lapsing into giggles.

"So which one wins?" Sunset asked.

Rarity flushed. "Well...ahem. As...creative as these all are...and as...as disturbed as I am by some of them...I believe I should honor the spirit of the game and, well..." She coughed delicately. "The mason jar one."

Sunset cackled. "Told you I had this one!" She reached over and snatched the black card from Rarity, setting it aside.

Rainbow gave Sunset a look that was half-disgusted, half-impressed. "You're sick," she said.

"Thank you," Sunset said primly, a sly smile on her face as she drew a new white card. "By the way, you're the next Card Queen."

Once everyone had drawn a new white card, Rainbow took the next black card. She glanced at it and frowned. "Well, this one sucks. What's there a ton of in Heaven?"

The others started sorting their cards. Sunset frowned. "Well, I'm not winning this round," she muttered.

Rarity pulled a face. "I've got a couple of safe answers and one truly tasteless answer," she said.

"Play the tasteless one!" Pinkie said cheerfully. Then she sighed. "I'm with Sunset here. I'm dumping a junk card this round." She laid a white card on the table with a pouty face.

"Yeah, mine don't work none too good for this'n either," Applejack said. "Guess Ah'll play th' worst card Ah got." She laid a card on the table with a grimace of distaste.

"This could work," Fluttershy said thoughtfully as she played a card.

"Sunset, darling? We're waiting on you," Rarity said pointedly.

"Yeah, yeah," Sunset said with a sigh. She laid a card down on the pile.

Rainbow Dash collected the pile and shuffled it. "Hope this round doesn't totally suck," she muttered. "So...what's there a ton of in Heaven?" She drew the first white card...then snickered. "Pedophiles!"

"Icky!" Pinkie cried, making a disgusted face.

Rainbow picked up the next card. "Amputees!"

Everyone looked at one another. "Well...probably, yeah," Applejack said.

Rainbow shook her head and picked up the third card. "Sexy pillow fights!" There was a round of soft chuckles; even Fluttershy laughed.

Rainbow snickered, then drew the next card. "Silence."

The entire table fell silent.

"Man, that one blows," Sunset said.

"Yeah, it kinda does," Rainbow agreed. She picked up the last card, read it...then burst out laughing. "Old people smell!"

Rarity let out an unladylike snort. "Oh my...that's..." She doubled over, consumed with giggles.

Sunset laughed. "That one right there!" she howled.

"That's AWESOME!" Pinkie cried.

Rainbow chuckled. "Heheheh...yeah. Who had that one?"

Fluttershy blushed and raised a hand.

Rainbow grinned. "You win this one, 'Shy," she said, tossing the card at Fluttershy. "Pinkie, you're up next!"

"Yippie-skippie!" Pinkie said as she drew a fresh white card, then drew a black card while the others were restocking their hands. She looked at the card. "Oooh, this is a pick-two!"

"Pick-two?" Rainbow asked.

"It's where instead of just one white card, you play two, in the order the Card Queen should read them," Sunset said. "That means this time, we're all going to know exactly who played what." She grinned. "Pick-twos make things a little more interesting."

"Oh my," Fluttershy said.

"Okay, so...ready everyone?" Pinkie asked. She read the card slowly. "I never truly understood blank until I encountered blank."

The other girls' brows furrowed as they studied their cards. Silently, each girl played a pair of cards. Once the girls had all made their selections, Pinkie nodded. "Okay, I'll go in Queen order. Ready?"

The girls braced themselves.

"Okay, first, Sunset: I never truly understood the true meaning of Christmas until I encountered a really cool hat."

Fluttershy giggled. "I like that one."

"Next, Rarity: I never truly understood panda sex until I encountered a man on the brink of orgasm."

Everyone STARED at Rarity.

Rarity flushed. "What? I did the best I could with what I had to work with!"

"Suuuuuure," Sunset drawled, smirking.

"Is...is that why pandas are endangered?" Fluttershy said, on the verge of tears.

"I'd think panda fuckers would be more in danger from that," Pinkie said. The others stared at her. She blinked. "What?"

"I...never thought I'd hear you use that word, darling," Rarity said.

Pinkie shrugged. "I'm turning my mouth filter off tonight."

"You have a mouth filter?" Rainbow asked incredulously.

"Moving on to Rainbow's answer!" Pinkie declared loudly. "I never truly understood the art of seduction until I encountered..." She faltered, fighting a laughing fit.

"What's it say?" Sunset asked.

Pinkie stammered, "A-A-A.K. Y-yearling's d-delicious a-a-assh-hole!" She completely lost it and tossed the cards into the air, falling over backwards and letting out screaming howls of laughter.

"Whut th' hell?" Applejack cried, letting out a bark of laughter.

Sunset Shimmer wiped tears of laughter from her eyes. "Oh, man, that one's gonna be hard to beat."

Rainbow leaned back and smirked. "The best part? I totally stand by that one."

"Oh, we know," Fluttershy said, giggling.

Pinkie sat back up, gasping for breath. "Oh my gosh, Rainbow, that's...that's amazing..." She coughed, then picked up Fluttershy's cards. "Fluttershy's is...I never truly understood destroying the evidence until I encountered poopy diapers."

This one was met with blank stares.

"Uhh...Ah don't get it," Applejack said.

"Me either," Sunset admitted.

Fluttershy blushed. "My cards weren't...very good for this one," she said.

Pinkie shrugged. "Okay, lastly we have Applejack: I never truly understood sexual tension until I encountered friends with benefits."

The room grew very uncomfortable suddenly. Applejack looked around, a blush creeping up her cheeks. "It ain't me, it's th' damn cards!"

"Riiiight," Sunset said. "Pinkie? A winner please?"

"Oh, Dashie won this one," Pinkie said. "No question about it." She gave Rainbow the black card; Rainbow did a little victory jig.

"Okay, everybody draw two cards, then Fluttershy gets her turn," Sunset said, drawing two white cards.

"Oh my...I don't know if I want to..."

"Nope, you gotta go," Rainbow said.

"W-well...alright," Fluttershy said as she took two white cards and a black card. Once everybody was ready, she read the black card. "Oh. Well...this one isn't too terrible. 'The class field trip was completely ruined by blank.'"

Rarity sighed and tossed down a card. "I won't be winning this round either."

"I might," Pinkie said, snickering as she tossed down a card.

Rainbow grinned and threw down a card. "Finally, a good place to use this crazy-ass card!"

Sunset's brow furrowed. "Some of these are...in very poor taste, and more than a little personally sensitive," she said. "I mean, for anybody but me, they'd be good plays, but..." She sighed. "I guess this is as good as any." She laid down a card.

Applejack smirked. "Ah got this one," she declared, slapping down a card.

"Um. Well. Okay then." Fluttershy took the white cards and shuffled them, dropping them in her lap once before managing to get them back on the table. "Okay, here...here I go...

"The class field trip was completely ruined by a spastic nerd."

"I think that actually happened once," Rainbow said.

"The class field trip was completely ruined by...flying sex snakes?"

"Whut."

"The class field trip was completely ruined by flightless birds."

"That reminds me of that one show where that guy got chased by an ostrich," Pinkie said, giggling.

"The class field trip was completely ruined by puberty."

"Been there, done that," Rainbow said.

"Okay, last one...the class field trip was completely ruined by a stray p—" Fluttershy blushed. "A...a s-stray p-pube," she stammered.

The rest of the table fell over, howling.

"Oh my god!" Sunset Shimmer roared, banging her fists on the table. "That...oh my god!"

"That...is...BRILLIANT!" Rarity screamed, tears streaming from her eyes.

Fluttershy covered her face with the cards, a brilliant flush lighting up her face...and started giggling. "Oh...oh my..."

Applejack chuckled. "Ooookay, yeah, that's a good one. Whose was that?"

Pinkie's hand shot up. "Me again!"

Fluttershy forced herself to recover and slid the black card over to Pinkie. "You...heehee...you won that one."

"Yay!"

"Alright...Ah guess it's my turn now, huh?" Applejack said. "So after this, it's over?"

"Are you kidding?" Sunset asked. "We're just getting started!"

"Yeah, look at all these cards we haven't used yet!" Pinkie declared. "We gotta keep going!"

"W-well...I-I guess...maybe another round after this..." Fluttershy said, blushing.

"Oh, I'm just beginning to enjoy this," Rarity said. "Besides, I do so want to have at least some chance of winning."

Once everyone had replenished their white cards, Applejack took a black card. She looked at it, and her face fell into a flat, bemused glare. "Seriously?"

"Oh, this should be good," Sunset said with a grin.

"Come on, Applejack," Rarity said. "Don't keep us all waiting!"

Applejack sighed. "Alright..." She cleared her throat. "What gives me uncontrollable gas?"

The rest of the table exploded in laughter. Even Fluttershy collapsed with helpless giggles.

Applejack groaned. "Come on now, y'all. We ain't ten-year-old boys. Let's be mature now, okay?"

"Where's the fun in that?" Pinkie said, giggling as she sorted through her cards. She laid a card down.

Rainbow could barely put her card on the table, she was laughing so hard. Rarity cast Sunset an odd glance as she played her card. Sunset and Fluttershy played their cards at the same time.

Applejack mixed up the cards, then coughed. "Alright, so...accordin' t' yall, what gives me uncontrollable gas is..." She picked up the first white card. "Boogers."

"Ewww!" Pinkie squealed, giggling.

"An' uh..." Applejack looked at the next card. "Full frontal nudity."

"Oh my," Fluttershy said, biting the insides of her cheeks.

"Also, uh...whuh-oh..." With a nervous glance at Sunset, Applejack cleared her throat and said, "Uhh...horse meat."

Sunset's face fell flat. "One of you dies tonight."

"Uh, so...yeah...oh hey! Surprise sex gives me uncontrollable gas."

Pinkie laughed. "It's true!"

"An' th' last thing that gives me uncontrollable gas is..." Applejack stared at the card. "Okay that jest ain't right."

"What's it say?" Rarity asked rather anxiously.

Applejack's face turned green. "Havin'...havin' anuses for eyes."

Everyone except Applejack and Rainbow Dash froze. Sunset momentarily forgot that she was upset as she processed that mental image.

"EWWWWWWW," Sunset, Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Rarity declared in unison.

"I...I believe I may need to...throw up," Rarity said.

"Me too," Sunset said, her cheeks bulging.

Rainbow cackled. "Thank you, thank you!"

"Oh my GOSH, Dashie, what is WRONG WITH YOU?" Pinkie cried. "That's just..." She paused, tilting her head. "Although I guess that WOULD give you uncontrollable gas..."

"Yeah, Ah...Ah reckon it would," Applejack said. "Hell, RD, you win this one."

Rainbow snickered. "I like this game!"

As Rainbow collected her Awesome Point, Sunset shook her head. "Okay, so...Pinkie and Rainbow are tied at two each after the first round. Let's take a second here to collect ourselves, and then I'll go again."

"Umm...how many...how long are we going to play?" Fluttershy asked.

Sunset glanced at Pinkie's clock radio. "Hmm...one round doesn't really take all that long...it's still pretty early...if we take little snack run and bathroom breaks between circles...I think we can play about ten full rounds, maybe?"

"You mean...each of us has to read out ten of those ridiculous cards?" Rarity asked.

"That's...that's an awful long haul for this crazy mess," Applejack said.

Sunset shrugged. "Well, we can just play until we get tired of it," she said. "But I figure if we go around the room ten times, everybody'll have a chance to pick up points and maybe win." She smiled. "Besides, you all enjoyed that first round, admit it."

"W-well...some of it, I guess," Fluttershy said.

"I could play this all night!" Pinkie declared.

"Me too," Rainbow grinned. "Because I'm awesome at it."

Rarity sighed theatrically. "I...suppose it's...amusing."

Applejack sighed. "If RD's stickin' to it, Ah ain't backin' down."

Sunset nodded. "Okay. Let's fetch some snacks and take a bathroom break, then we'll start our next round."

Author's Notes:

CURRENT SCORE:

Sunset Shimmer: 1
Rarity: 0
Rainbow Dash: 2
Pinkie Pie: 2
Fluttershy: 1
Applejack: 0