"You wake up."

"Everything is as it usually is; dark, rainy and drowned in tea."

"Still, at least you're getting decent sleep."

P "I'm so used to this shithole that something like that is a positive."

P "Great."

P "Oh well, I need to get off of the carpet."

P "And maybe buy a fucking bed."

"You get out of bed."

"You attempt to go downstairs, but trip, fall and break every bone in your body except your left humerus."

"What a funny coincidence."

show image "ng"

N "OH HEY BRO."

N "LEMME HEAL YOU"

"Namgam throws scalding hot milk over your body."

"You're too tired of his shit to even scream from the blistering agony."

"Just then, your body soaks up the tea and it heals you up completely."

P "Huh."

"Sadly, your balls drop off."

P "Bollocks."

N "OR THE LACK THEREOF AMIRIGHT???"

"You try to slap him but miss and fall over again."

hide image "ng"

show image "me"

"Suddenly, Cube climbs out of the floorboards and, with a blast of wind generated form her wings, props you back onto your feet(tentacle?)"

D "I just blew a sheep."

P "Lambanana."

D "Whatever."

hide image "me"

"You go to eat breakfast but accidentally nuke America into oblivion, killing all of your loved ones."

P "Whoops."

"You try again and manage to eat a bagel."

play kazoo version of final fantasy battle win theme

"Good fucking job."

show image "ng"

N "TIME FOR AN ADVENTURE"

"The TV turns on."

tv pictuuuuuuree

dfs "HEY BRAHS IT'S TOUNGE MCCRAZYTITS'S DILDO EMPOREUM"

dfs "NOW WITH EXTRA HORSE MEAT"

tv turn ooffffff

show image "me"

D "OUR ADVENTURE IS DECIDED"

P "Fuck."

hide image "me"

"You all take a taxi to the dildo emporium."

"You find ten britbucks under the seat."

P "Neato."

"You all arrive."

"It's closed."

"To celebrate the occasion, you take a shit in the bushes."

"Your ass gets scratched up by branches."

P "Ow."

"And there's no toilet roll so you have to walk around nAKED WITH A SHITTY ASS"

P "Dammit."

"But it falls off after a while so it's fine."

"Your asshole, not the shit."

"It's excruciatingly painful."

P "OW MY ASSHOLE."

"You go home and go back to sleep." Next Chapter: DanganVesper 3: The Revenge Of The Educational System 8 Estimated time remaining: 6 Minutes