Already my dress jacket is ruined, dirt stains everywhere!

I swear, that sign came out of nowhere! Maybe even talking about Cuddy is enough for my eyes to be blinded, or even referred to Worker's Union because of my use of sexual harassment. Whichever is faster, to be honest. Funny enough, I haven't yet seen the town of 'Ponyville'...

Ugh...

Just thinking about that name makes me sick to my stomach, or just the little bit more homosexual. I think I can feel the prise well up in me, along with my burning throat!  I need water, fast. I'm going to turn into dust if I continue walking in this heat.

I followed this trail still, it leads to the civilization that would ensure my survival and the dismay to the idiots whose day I am about to ruin with great enthusiastic additude! So that will be a plus.

As the the road starts to widen, so does my thirsty throat. (You perverts...) Hearken! I felt tingle in my throat, bothering me  with great tickling. I coughed, and spat out more dust and dirt.

The first door I seen, I knocked on it. I waited. Knocked on it harder this time, with more vigorous banging to make sure the neighbors didn't sleep this before noon spetical!

When the door opened, a smaller brown colt with tired looking eyes and a twirly hat opened the door. His eyes hung low and he yawned, he looked up finally and shook his head awake.

"Not buying anything," The colt deadpanned.

"Not selling anything," I replied, flicking my ear.

"Then whaddaya what?" The high squeaking sound of this Colt is making my ears ringing.

"A nice hairxut would sufficient, but-!"

The colt nearly slammed the door until I used a hoof to stop it.

"One glass of water..." I felt humiliating pain shoot up in my throat, biting back a cough, I pleaded. "I don't even need to come in..."

"Fine, wai-!?" The colt was about to leave until a creamy brown female escorted the darker brown one out of the way, the female shot me a look and she menacingly places her nose on mine and pushed; her ears burned red.

"We're not giving you anything! Stay the heck away from my son, you creep!" She spat,

"You're going to leave a poor, helpless cripple to die of dyhydration?" I asked, rolling must eyes. "Do I detect hypocracy or idocy? Or maby irony?"

"I'very seen those T.V shows! It starts with a innocent colt, then a foalnapper takes bit away from his single, hardworking mother!"

With that she slammed the door in my face, sounds of doors locking and bolts. The curtains reveled a pair of hateful looking eyes.

I raised an eyebrow and turned, making my way to the fountain.

Did I expect anything different?

I found a mint colored unicorn flick a gold coin in the water, so we carelessly throw gold in the water? Wonderful.

I leaned over the wall and took the biggest mouthful of water I could, slurping greedily to get the feather feeling tickle out of my throat I. I didn't care if anyone saw me, along that, I scooped the majority of the coins into my pocket.

My stomach rumbled and vibrated, barking at me to feed it. I reached in my pocket and felt around; My eyes widened when I realized what was in my hooves: Three orange bottles.

I coughed and pulled out the first bottle: No yummies.

I cleared my throat and pulled out the second bottle: One Exlier of nothing.

I prayed to Allah, hackingly coughed, and pulled out the third bottle: I felt like crying!

NO DAMN VICODIN! I threw the third bottle and coughed, feeling the pain course through my legs as tears threatened to sting my eyes. I looked back at the group d to pick up the bottle; and the Bible was right. About the Holy Grail at least.

I felt my smiling grow.

The patient's been moved to the Intensive Care Unit, or ICU, and has been there for a minute. More reports on my pager keeps flaring notifications that she's seizing constantly.

We pumped her full of Acetazolamide to stop the female from seizing, yet, the damn medicine didn't work.

"It could be Hypothelitic Gogh?" Princess Twilight Sparkle, princess of magic and/or friendship and owner of the element of magic, theroized.

"No... She would have vomited magical dust and grow a nub for a horn..." I replied.

"What does it matter what's wrong with her?! Can't you give her some magic, Twilight, and make he better?" The impatient, but caring, cyan Pegasus butted in. Rainbow Dash, the bearer of the Elements of Loyalty.

"Rainbow! You out of th' entire state of Equstria know that use of Magic is against tha law!" The accent heavy apple farmer, Applejack the bearer of the Element of Honesty, deadpanned her friend. "We ain't sure it isn't anything she ate yet either! So hold your horses rite thur'!"

"Um... I don't want to break the law... I mean... Getting Pinkie better is great and all... But I don't want to get put in prison..." The quieter voice was a pale cream cilor pegasus, Fluttershy the Element of Kindness. "Can't in be easier to know before you treat? If you don't mind me asking...."

"I got it!" Rarity, the element of generosity, exclaimed after hoofing through an entire book. "Elmo-catrigic-salim-deseeded Disease!"

"Elothothamegicsaline Desedded Disease?" I repeated, "Why?"

"Why, it fits all of her troubles!" Rarity's eyes grew, "She having a flaxseed withdrawal!"

"Pinkie was on drugs?!" Rainbow exclaimed, high pitching squeals gripping her voice.

"That's the problem, her tox' screen was clear..." Twilight grunted,

"Flaxweeds aren't a toxine, they would show up in her urine..." I replied, "I'm administrating steroids and saline to flush the drugs out of her sustem--!"

"WOWIE" One stamping of a hoof stopped me in my path locating the source of the noise. I didn't find it. "I stopped eavesdropping because I found it more sad, than erotically pleasuring, that six ponies, and especially a doctor talk, about drugs a patient never used!"

"Hey buster! Who they hay do you think you are?!" Rainbow Dash challenged the mysterious stallion, he was still in the shadows and invisible. "Come out!"

"I think my name is Laura Faust, but that would mean I am an idiot. But that would be in some crazy timeline where you six didn't act brain dead and actually assume the worst..." The voice quipped, "None of you even mentioned her heart."

"There's nothin' in her heart! No-surey!" Applejack countered, "An you best watch ypur muzzle, or Ah'll show you how we handle disrespect on tha' farm!"

"What? You tied a lasso around it and checked it?" The mysterous male mocked, "You can fight me later, Taylor Swift wanna-be."

"I don't know who you think you are, but that is no way how to treat a lady!" Rarity huffed,

"Oh... You were females? I was too busy thinking about the patient then staring under your tails, sorry that was terriably rude of me!" The mysterious man was certainly a tongue on cheek one...

"Okay, smart guy, what is it then?" Princess Twilight slide a picture of sick Pinkie Pie. Then another picture of healthy Pinkie Pie.

The male walked into the light, and we all had red flags raised in us. The male's leg was all sorts of mangled. He was holding a hospital cane which was doodled on. What was now marked with black ink was a giant H on it surrounded by a square.

"She's paler," The male commented, "Loge in her throat indicates a esophagus problem, start her on a steady supply of antibiotics. Also comb her mane from every residue of magical element there is... Oh  hw er mane darker than my... Opps, almost said it."

"You're a pervert...." Fluttershy hissed, which surprised even me.

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