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Lyra's Human 2: Derpy's Human

by pjabrony

Chapter 44: 42: The Crystal Derpire

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Karyn watched Derpy across the breakfast table eating the fruit salad and cottage cheese that she had selected to start the day on the right foot.

“Are you chewing slowly to try to make it last longer,” Karyn asked, “or have you got something on your mind?”

“It’s the latter, I’m afraid.”

“Well, tell me about it and I’ll see if I can help.”

Derpy put down her fork. “Remember last week when I needed Twilight’s help to set up that monitoring spell on the fly?”

“Yes.”

“She wants a favor in return.”

Karyn blinked. “Is that all? Well, you can handle that.”

“But she wants it today.”

“All right. I’ll get my coat. What do we have to do? Scrub the library? Clean out Owlowysius’s cage? Listen to a lecture on magic safety? So long as I don’t have to sit next to Spike, I’m all right.”

Derpy tried to help Karyn with her coat, by way of apology. “Nothing like that. We’re supposed to carry the interlibrary loan books to the Crystal Empire and bring her back some that she wants.”

“The Crystal Empire? But that’s awesome! I’ve always wanted to see there.”

“You have?”

Karyn realized what she said. “OK, technically I haven’t always wanted to see there, but ever since the idea was presented, I have.”

“That works for me! Can you carry your share of the books? This is Twilight we’re talking about, so it’ll probably be a cartload.”

“We can handle that. What should I wear for the Crystal Empire?” She danced over to her jewelry box and started poring through it.

“It’s not formal, Karyn. I don’t think anypony will care.”

“But I can’t go in jeans and a T-shirt.”

Derpy thought she was being silly, since for all the Crystal Ponies knew, jeans and T-shirts were the height of fashion among humans. Still, Karyn found her paste earrings and her real pearl necklace and put them on over a blouse and mid-length skirt.

“Are you ready now? Or do you want to put on your ball gown and show yourself off?”

“No, I’m good. Let’s go.”

She mounted Derpy, who got ready to take off. “Are you sitting a little differently? Your weight feels shifted from how it usually is. You are! You’re being extra straight and prim. Seriously, the Crystal Empire isn’t that big a deal.”

They transported to Equestria, and Derpy let Karyn off as they headed to the library, where Twilight welcomed them.

“Thanks for taking these books for me. I’d love another chance to visit the library of the Crystal Empire, but there’s just so much to do around here, and I’m rushing to get it done so that when you return, I’ll be able to dive into the books you bring back with reckless abandon. Also, if I went there I might not leave.”

“You sure do love your books,” said Derpy.

“That’s an understatement,” said Karyn. “What are these books we are bringing up?”

“History books, mostly. Even though the Crystal Empire has been back for a few years now, they’re still catching up learning about what happened during their thousand-year hiatus. They have the highlights, but they want the real pony-interest stories.”

“We’d better get going before this history becomes outdated,” said Derpy.

“Thanks again.”

“Thank you,” said Karyn. “You really helped us out of a jam last week.”

Karyn and Derpy walked to the train station and found a seat. Trains to the Crystal Empire always had extra cars for luggage and freight, since they were relatively infrequent and since the empire was so far away. They deposited the books in among the other chattels.

It was a long trip up north, and Karyn watched hypnotized as the terrain started growing patches of snow, then banks of ice until there was more white than green in the fields, and at last there was nothing but a shining vista of ice that made the reflection of the sun hurt Karyn’s eyes.

“I will never understand how people can live in the permafrost like this. We have humans on Earth who do it, in Alaska and Siberia and Tierra del Fuego, but I wouldn’t want to.”

“But remember,” said Derpy, “that the Crystal Ponies don’t really live in the cold. Once you get into the area that their weather ponies control, it’s quite temperate.”

“Is that weather control? I don’t remember seeing any crystal pegasi.”

“But how else would they do it?”

Karyn thought. “Maybe the sun reflects off all the crystal there so much that it warms the empire.”

Once the train passed the border of the city, the harsh conditions outside changed to pleasant and bright. The train reached the station.

“Yes!” said Karyn. “It’s really the Crystal Empire!”

“Come on. Let’s get to the library.”

They waited by the baggage car for the case of books from Twilight to be unloaded, then wound their way through the city. Derpy was surprised that Karyn didn’t bump her nose into walls, since she was so busy looking at all the buildings.

Derpy navigated by map, finding the streets intuitive. “The layout makes much more sense than Canterlot, and certainly than that Mule city we saw. Everything’s a big circle.”

The librarian that greeted them was the same one that Karyn recognized. “I’d wondered if you had retired,” Karyn said.

“I missed a thousand years’ worth of work. I think I’m overdue.”

“Speaking of which,” said Derpy, “here are the books you wanted, and we have some to borrow as well?”

“That’s right. Just a moment.” She emerged a few seconds later with a tightly wrapped package. “I was told to inform you that it should not be opened until you pass it on to Miss Sparkle.”

“You don’t have to worry about that. I’m a postal employee and I would never look inside a package trusted to me. Not even when I’m working pro bono.”

“You have so many wonderful books here,” said Karyn, “even though I can’t read all of them. Hey, Derpy? Why doesn’t the language spell work on these?”

“Good question. Maybe Twilight and Lyra don’t know the language they speak here, and so they couldn’t weave it into the spell. Maybe a translation primer is what’s in here.” She pointed at the package.

“She would like studying a new language.”

“Anyway, let’s get back to the train.”

Karyn’s mouth fell open. “Already? We just got here. I want to see the Empire.”

“But it’s a long ride back.”

“I know, but we can miss one train at least. How often do they run?”

“If you’ll excuse me,” said the librarian, “I happen to know that the next train leaves in an hour, but there won’t be another today.”

“You see?” said Derpy.

“But we still have some time. I have to at least see the Crystal Heart.”

“All right, we’ll see the Crystal Heart.”

They thanked the librarian again and left. They followed the circular roads to the center, where they presumed the Crystal Heart would be. As the spokes narrowed, they were less useful for buildings and a few public gardens came into view. Karyn stopped at some bushes.

“Ooh, crystal berries. Do you think they’re good to eat?”

“I don’t know.”

Karyn snickered. “Go on and try some. They’re probably good for a dieting pony.”

Derpy munched cautiously. “Not bad. A little sweet.”

Karyn picked up a handful. She was the type who always took the daintiest bite of any new food, and she licked the skin of one crystal berry before putting it to her teeth and barely scraping the skin off it.

“It’s very sweet!” she said. “I suppose that makes sense. Whatever sugars are in the berry would crystallize even more than usual.” She finished the one berry, but gave the rest to Derpy.

It was only a short walk from there to the Crystal Heart. “There it is,” said Derpy. “And I suppose it is impressive to see such concentrated power. It focuses all that happiness into magic to go all over Equestria. And it looks like a big candy.”

“Don’t eat it!”

“Sorry. I’m good with my diet, but I still get cravings.”

Karyn let that pass. “Do you think we can see it activate?”

“I doubt it. Don’t they only activate it during the Crystal Fair?”

A Crystal Pony stallion who was apparently the Heart’s attendant approached them. “Not anymore! So many ponies came by that we activate it whenever ponies want. Or when they bring their friends, like yours here.” He leaned in close to Derpy. “What is she, anyway? A griffin who lost her feathers?”

Derpy shook her head. “Anyway, could you activate it so we can see?”

The stallion blushed. “Well, I could. But it’s activated by love and friendship and happiness. It’s awfully intimate to do. Perhaps you and your friend would like to do it together.”

Derpy looked at Karyn, who held out her hand. Derpy put her hoof in it, and they walked forward. Neither really knew what to do, so they just held their linked extremities forward and concentrated.

The Crystal Heart took that as enough. A light poured forth from it and passed through Karyn and Derpy.

“Congratulations and thanks!” said the stallion. “Your friendship has helped spread a little bit of joy throughout all of Equestria.”

Neither of the girls heard him. They were too busy admiring each other.

Derpy’s body had become crystalline and reflected light in every direction. Her cutie mark now looked like pearls in a gray and foamy ocean, pale and milky. Her wings were swept back and each feather was outlined in bold colors.

Karyn had undergone a similar change. The crystal shine of her skin had smaller facets than Derpy’s, but her dull blonde hair had been pulled into an updo that looked like a puffed crown. Her skirt now had a constant billow and the pearl necklace seemed to have multiplied so that pearls now appeared all over her blouse.

“What happened?” said Karyn.

“I forgot that the heart makes everypony into Crystal Ponies.”

“It usually doesn’t,” the attendant said. “You two must have had some crystal berries. The effects you’re seeing are from the light of the Crystal Heart striking the crystals of the berries.”

“We did,” said Derpy.

From off in the distance, there was the sound of a train horn. “Derpy, we should go and catch that. This walk took longer than I thought. You still have the books for Twilight, right?”

“Of course. Come on, let’s go.”

They hurried to the station, but the train had to load and unload everything, so they had plenty of time. It afforded Derpy the chance to climb aboard and partake in her favorite train activity of pony-watching.

When they pulled out of the station, Karyn wondered aloud, “So, how long does this crystal thing last? And am I allowed to change my hairstyle?”

A Crystal Pony happened to be sitting across from them. “Once you stop eating crystal berries or get out of range of the Crystal Heart it lasts a few hours.”

“Thank you. We should take some pictures, Derpy, while we still look like this.”

“We can do that. If the train is fast enough, we’ll get there in plenty of time for me to find the camera.”

They chugged along, but after a few minutes they felt the train’s speed slacken. “Is there a stop up here?” asked Karyn.

“Not according to my map.”

Derpy peered out the window into the white. The vista of snow was no longer reflecting the sun, as dark gray clouds had rolled in. Snow blew in from all directions, and it was unclear if it was just wind picking up what was on the ground, or new snow falling from the sky.

The blizzard had come out of nowhere and piled snow so fast that the train had to stop. A conductor came through a few minutes later and said that the tracks ahead were impassible.

“Storms around here don’t usually last more than a few hours,” he said. “Once it passes through we’ll clear the tracks and get you on your way.”

There was general grumbling from the passengers, but Karyn had a satisfied look. “At least he came by and told us everything he knows. With humans, in a crisis situation they’re almost always too concerned with doing the work to fix it, when the people concerned would be happier just knowing what’s going on.”

“I suppose. It’s still no fun though. I want to get these books to Twilight. You know how it is when you’ve got a job to do and it just gnaws at you until you get it done.”

The heat on the train was working at least, but without the sound and the movement it felt colder. Karyn and Derpy huddled together in an embrace and took a nap. Derpy didn’t get deep into sleep, and became fully aware when a pony walked by passing out tea, coffee, and hot chocolate.

“Do you think I should wake her and see if she wants anything?” asked Derpy.

“Let her rest. I’m up front if you want anything else.”

An hour later, Karyn shifted and smacked her lips, coming to. “Are we moving?”

“Not yet. But the storm’s lessened a little.”

Karyn looked out the window. “Doesn’t look like it.”

“Trust a pegasus. Another twenty minutes and the sun will be out.”

She kept her head pressed to the window and watched her breath fog the glass. As Derpy predicted, the snow stopped blowing around and soon became only a few flakes floating down.

“You were right.”

“Told you. Oh, there were hot drinks available if you wanted.”

“Actually, I’m more bored than anything,” said Karyn. I don’t suppose we could open that package and read Twilight’s books.”

“Under no circumstances! Besides, they’re packed away in the luggage car.”

Karyn shrugged and went back to the window. After a few minutes, she said, “Is that a pony out there?”

“Can’t be. Nopony’s foolish enough to—“ Derpy had looked out herself. “I’ll be! Somepony is foolish enough! He’s going to freeze his tail off.”

The pony came closer, but they couldn’t see anything about him, since his head was wrapped in a scarf. As he passed by, Karyn spied his cutie mark.

“It’s Shining Armor!”

It was indeed the prince of the Crystal Empire. How he had heard about the stuck train no one knew, but he called the crew. Between his leadership, magic, and strong hooves, they cleared the track of the snowdrift in a few minutes. The first sound of the wheels turning brought a cheer to the passenger car.

Soon enough the snow gave way to patches of grass, and Karyn was removing her coat. They pulled back into Ponyville, and Derpy flew to the back to pick up the package.

As soon as they entered the library, Twilight welcomed them.

“Did you bring it? Were there any problems?”

“None at all,” said Derpy.

“What about the delay from the snow?” said Karyn.

“That wasn’t a problem. Just a delay. We’re here now.”

“By that logic, nothing’s ever a problem if it all works out at the end.”

Derpy nodded. “Anyway, Twilight, here they are.”

“Excellent. These important research materials will definitely help me in my latest project for the princess.”

From upstairs came a voice. “I thought I heard the dulcet tones of my favorite extra-Equestrial. Karyn! Yoo-hoo!”

Karyn sighed. “Hello, Spike.”

He turned his head to see what Twilight was holding. “Hey, they’re here!”

Tearing down the stairs, he raced over and attacked the package with his claws. “Wait, Spike!” said Twilight, but it was too late. The paper was open and the contents there for all to see.

“Comic books?” said Derpy.

Limited edition comic books,” said Spike. “Ones that I haven’t read.”

Twilight hung her head. “Just remember, they’re on loan, so keep them wrapped up and wash your claws before reading them.”

“Whatever. You have to watch out just as much.”

“I turn the pages without touching them!” Twilight saw that Karyn and Derpy were still there. “Um, I mean, when I have to close them after you get through with them, since I would never read comic books.”

Everyone had a good laugh at Twilight’s expense, but then Karyn got serious. “Twilight, I need to thank you again for coming through with a spell when we needed it.”

“Well, it’s important to be able to keep our secret.”

“We were talking about that last week. Is it really necessary to keep Equestria secret from the human world?”

“Let’s ask Derpy. She’s the pony who knows most about Earth.”

“That’s scary,” said Derpy. “Me being the pony who knows the most about anything.”

“Stop it,” said Karyn. “You need to get over thinking that you’re less than intelligent.”

“So what do you think?” said Twilight “Should we send more ponies to Earth? Or let more humans here?”

Derpy looked at Karyn. “If we do, we want to do it very slowly and carefully. The problem is that there are people like Albert who don’t have the best of intentions, and they’re dangerous. It’s not like we don’t have mean ponies here, but there are enough good ponies who will always be around to make life better. Humans don’t have enough connection. It’s nothing against you personally. It’s no one’s fault, but that’s why it doesn’t get fixed.”

“I understand. And I like being special and having the only pony. But at the same time, it’s hard keeping secrets. Part of me wonders what it would be like if we mingled.”

“It’s just. . . the Equestria we have, where it’s only ponies and dragons and such, plus two humans, is distinct. And Earth, for all its deficiencies, is also unique. I can’t help feeling that we’d lose something if we became Equestri-Earth. If we could do it without that loss, if we could add instead of altering, then I’d be less worried.”

Twilight put a hoof on Derpy’s shoulder. “I understand. It’s always like that. For example, when I first became a princess, I was worried that I was losing a part of me. I wasn’t a unicorn anymore, I was an alicorn. Even though all that was added was a pair of wings, I was separate and divided from my brother, my parents, everypony. In time, I learned to live with it.”

“I guess you have,” said Derpy. “I mean, in all the time since Karyn’s been coming here, we’ve never mentioned your wings or your being a princess. It’s almost as if we were completely unaware of it and just treated you as the unicorn you used to be right up until this week.”

“I honestly don’t mind that. Sometimes I want to go back to those days. I wish I had a little more time being just Twilight Sparkle.”

“And that’s why I want to tread carefully. Equestria might feel the same way, and we should give it the chance.”

Karyn looked at her shoes. “I guess that’s a reason, and it does leave an opening for more later. Twilight! You mentioned your brother. He was a real help while we were trapped up there in the snow outside the Crystal Empire.”

“You saw him? Did he say hi?”

“He was too busy pulling our train out of the snow. You know, sometimes I get a little jealous of your family. He’s a prince, you’re a princess. If you weren’t both the nicest ponies, I’d really be envious.”

Derpy frowned. “Really, Karyn? How can you be jealous of Twilight?”

“Because she’s so smart, and she’s Princess Celestia’s personal student, and she’s a princess herself.”

“And how did that work out for me?”

Karyn shook her head. “But she could handle it. It’s her destiny I’m jealous of. I wish it were mine.”

Twilight put a wing over Karyn. “I understand. Destiny is strange. But we all have something we’re meant to be. You were meant to be Derpy’s friend, and you’re doing it. You are a princess. Your wings are just a little smaller than mine.”

Her eyes misting, Karyn turned back, breathed in, and said, “That’s what I’m talking about! You’re too smart!”

Everypony laughed, then Twilight said, “And besides, if you had my destiny, it would mean living with Spike. All the time.”

“Right. So when’s the next spell back to Earth? Got to hit the books and do well in school so I can work on Earth where there’s no dragons!”

More laughter, but then Derpy came up short. “Hey! Our crystal-ness! It wore off.”

Karyn peered up at her hair, which had fallen back down. “And we never got the picture. Well, only one thing to do. Twilight, write Shining Armor and tell him we’re on our way back!”

Derpy started flying out. “Forget it. You can find your own way home.” But she came back quickly to show she was joking.

“You see, Karyn?” said Twilight. “The bond you have with Derpy is something I don’t have with her. With all I know about friendship, nothing’s stronger than that bond. Even a princess can’t break it.”

Karyn smiled.

Author's Notes:

Here's what you'll see next time!

“Haven’t I talked to you about always answering your mail as soon as you get it?”

A few letters were sitting unopened on Karyn’s desk. “I usually do, but this is all junk mail, and if there were anything in there, I couldn’t do anything about it until tomorrow anyway and. . . “

She trailed off as she realized that one of the pieces was not in an envelope but was perforated on three sides.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Derpy was forlorn. “Just because everyone else is being disrespectful is no reason for you to do. It’s something I always told Dinky. That sometimes in school the other colts and fillies would be acting out, but that if she stood out and was good then, she’d win more points than if she was good only when everypony else was.”

Karyn pouted. “I guess you’re right. Why do you always have to keep me on the straight and narrow? I could be so delightfully evil if not for you!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It does cause a lot of problems. But speaking of money, it’s time to get paid!” She rubbed her hands together greedily.

“You know, if I may make a suggestion, what if you were to save the money instead of spending it?”

“Aw, come on! I never get a chance to spend.”


That's next time on Derpy's Human!

Next Chapter: 43: Jury Derpy Estimated time remaining: 31 Hours, 11 Minutes
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