I was parched when we awoke the next morning. Ironbright had purchased water as well, but it was irradiated and we only drank from it when necessary. I was confident that while I would still be uncomfortable and in pain on the walk back, I wouldn’t suffer from heat injury.

Rosemary was too tired to cook last night, but this morning she was in full hospitality mode. She refused to cook with the water Ironbright bought, saying it would ruin the flavor. It was just as well; we didn’t have much to begin with. Instead, Rosemary spent a good deal of time experimenting with ways to make the dry rations taste better without cooking them. She did what she could, but the meal was still subpar compared to her other concoctions.

We decided to only wake Cloud Chaser when there was food to serve to her. She had taken heavier injuries than I had, and Rosemary was particularly concerned about the wound in Cloud Chaser’s side that had exposed her rib. It had closed, but not entirely, and Ironbright had bandaged it as best as she could to stop the bleeding.

As soon as Cloud Chaser woke, the scabs cracked, and Rosemary had to change the bandages.

“This is why I’m not a morning pony,” she said miserably.

When we did eventually start to march, she hung back with me, her injured body finding my speed a little easier to handle.

“Hey,” she said quietly after a moment. “I think I owe you a ‘thank you.’”

“For what?” I asked.

“For saving my life. So… thanks… for saving my life.” I had never seen her look this way. Her gaze was cast downward and she looked humbled. Not humble, but almost humiliated. She felt weak. Useless.

“It’s not a big deal. You and Rosemary saved my life, remember? If we keep this up, I don’t think it’ll be the last either.” This seemed to help a little, that I wasn’t upset with her or criticizing her. I went a little further. “How about we make a deal not to keep score from now on, okay? Keeping track of who’s saved who doesn’t help us at all. It just makes us feel worse.”

“Alright,” she said, the beginnings of a smile forming on her face.

She gave me a hug, right then and there. It doesn’t seem like much, but I was so weary and stressed, and the act was so heartfelt, that I couldn’t help but feel relieved. I hugged her back, feeling close to the little pegasus.

She pulled away, her smile growing along with a blush in her cheeks. She didn’t turn away, but she looked up at me, probably glad that I had returned the affection.

Sweet Celestia, she looked so pretty then. I felt myself falling for her. Her charm, her spirit, her loyalty…

“Turn on the radio,” she told me. I tried, but the Blackheart was still giving me static.

“Are you sure it’s safe to be carrying that thing with you?” Rosemary asked.

“No,” I answered. But until I started showing symptoms of illness or injury other than the ones I already had, I didn’t really see another option. The best way to deal with whatever corruptive powers it might have would be to get it to Stable Two as quickly as possible and away from me.

Ironbright turned on her radio. DJPon3 didn’t have much to say today, but in the wasteland, where the antics of raiders were on the radio almost always, no news was good news. He/she dedicated a song to Ditzy Doo, but I knew that funeral must have been at least a week or more ago.

How long had I been gone? I replayed the events in my mind. I was always bad at keeping track of time long term, but I realized I was going on two weeks. Ditzy Doo’s death felt like an eternity ago.

At least Ironbright wasn’t saying much anymore. I didn’t want her to shut up; I understood that being drill sergeant to the new guy was part of her job, but she was silent nearly the entire walk. I was happy that I wasn’t being ridiculed, but I had no idea what was going through her mind to cause the change.

Rosemary and Cloud Chaser felt like we had scored a victory against her. And, of course, after a few hours of walking, Cloud Chaser couldn’t help but open her mouth during a particularly long silence.

“So,” she broke the tension. “Got nothing to say to Mister Mare back there now that he saved my life?” she said in a completely calm voice.

Ironbright stopped in her tracks. “Let’s break here. We haven’t drunk in hours.” She removed her helm, took a swig from her canteen, then turned to the other mares. “I need to talk with both of you. Alone.”

She wasn’t going to yell at them, was she? For some reason, I doubted it. And even if she did, I was willing to wager that my friends had been waiting for such an opportunity to unload on the Ranger. Ironbright could see that coming from a mile away. So what did she want with them? I would never hear what they talked about, because they walked a good distance away, and out in the open, I would never get close enough to them to eavesdrop.

So I lay down, drank some water, and waited. It wasn’t even a full minute before I was bored and curious. I tried to turn on the radio to distract myself, but the damn Blackheart was still giving me static.

I took the weapon out and looked it over. I probably shouldn’t have been messing around with a dangerous megaspell so carelessly, but it obviously wasn’t like most bombs. It probably had a special spell to trigger it, and I still only had one spell. Picking it up with my magic hadn’t done anything, so I figured looking at it wouldn’t do much either.

The craftsmanship was remarkable, though. Whoever cut this must have been an expert, because it was as smooth and flawless as a diamond. The facets were perfectly black, but in the light I swore I could see inside the gem. I tried holding it up to the sun, but that didn’t work. Only if it was at the right angle.

I turned it this way and that, but still nothing. I decided to use my horn’s light to see if that would work.

Big mistake.

I opened my eyes as if I had woken up from a dream, but I was already moving, so it was more like entering one. The experience was even more surreal considering that I wasn’t in control of my limbs. My hooves moved forward on their own.

I was walking in an opulent palace, the walls and floor of which were made of crystal not unlike the ones beneath Canterlot. I passed a few guards dressed in blue armor, but aside from them, I was soon alone.

My host looked down, and I realized that I was in a memory orb. I was having the same experiences as Littlepip. But how was that possible? I hadn’t found any orbs. My mind turned away from that question and began to immerse itself in the memory as I saw my host’s reflection in the polished floor. I was definitely a stallion, white with a blue mane, and quite handsome. I wasn’t wearing anything, but the nods the guards gave me made me suspect that I was somepony important in this palace. The captain, perhaps?

At any rate, he climbed a flight of stairs, and I realized that we were nearing the top floor of the palace as his peripheral vision caught a nearby window in the spiral stairwell and showed how high up we were. His breathing was calm, but his muscles were tense. Even though my real body was under just as much duress as his was, I couldn’t help but feel pity for him. Whatever his job was, it wasn’t easy.

We reached a long hallway devoid of anypony and he briefly glanced out a window. I was astonished. It was a beautiful day. The city outside was shining, literally. Most of the structures were made of, or at least coated in crystal. Even the streets were paved with the stuff. And beyond the glimmering city, verdant fields of grass and wildflowers grew until they met the horizon.

I had paid attention in history class. I knew when and where I was. This was the Crystal Empire, before the war.

And considering we were heading into the private royal chambers, signaled by the ornate, gem-studded door that lay at the end of the hall before us, I believed that my consciousness was inhabiting none other than Prince Shining Armor himself.

Part of me was quivering with excitement, but without control of my body, my emotions were difficult to express. That was soon replaced with a great amount of dread, though. Shining Armor was clearly in a bad place. I could feel it in his breathing, in his gait. He was not looking forward to walking beyond those doors.

But this was his room. He shared these chambers with his wife, Princess Cadence. Why would he be apprehensive about seeing her? Their love story was legendary.

He opened the doors to a sight I’ll never forget.

The royal chambers were more of a suite, and the central area was a small but tall dome with four doors leading to other areas. Shining Armor peered in an open door to see the pink flank and tail of a mare who must have been Cadence. There was crying.

Shining Armor stormed into the room, and I could feel his voice preparing to speak with some force, but it caught in his throat when he opened the door all the way.

Before him was the Princess of Love, her purple, pink, and butter mane a ragged mess. Her eyes were dripping black makeup, her cheeks stained with tears. Her belly protruded somewhat, and I would have lost my breath if I was in control of it.

But Shining Armor lost his breath as well. The pregnant Cadence was sitting on the bathroom floor, a bottle filled with a strange green fluid in front of her.

“Cadence,” he said. “What are you doing?”

“I- I thought you were returning tomorrow,” she said.

“Twilight’s very busy,” he said. “And after seeing what she was up to, I couldn’t stay. It was horrible. And now I find this.” His voice was riddled with a malice that made my heart break.

Cadence looked down, her spirit obviously broken long ago. She spoke in a defeated tone. “What did you expect? I felt like I haven’t seen you since Big Mac died.”

“I’ve been here nearly the entire time since then.”

“Have you?” she shouted. She started crying again. “You don’t come to bed at night. You don’t eat. We haven’t had a real moment together since I got pregnant.” She paused. “What’s happening to you? Where do you go? Why won’t you talk to me?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” he returned acidly, his voice raising. “All you care about is the kingdom. The mailmare gets more attention from you than I do! You want everypony to be happy and feel love, Cadence, but what about me?”

“I don’t know!” she shouted back, nearly hysterical. “I know you’re hurt, but I don’t know what to do! I… I feel like I don’t even know you anymore.”

There was an achingly long pause. After a while, Shining Armor simply turned to leave.

“Do you even still want to be a father?” she asked his back.

He didn’t turn around. He just stood in the doorway for a long time. “Just take your medicine. You’ll feel better tomorrow.”

Shining Armor left the suite without looking back. His face was drawn, and I can’t imagine what must have been running through his head.

But as the image began to blur and fade, I knew one thing just as well as he did.

That wasn’t medicine in that bottle.

The mares were surrounding me when I snapped out of it. I turned to look at them, and they gave sighs of relief.

My eyes were tearing up. Those were my heroes. As a colt, I had always dreamed of being like Shining Armor. I had hoped that I would find a mare as perfect as Cadence, and I wanted to love her as perfectly as he did.

They were asking me what had happened, but how could I explain? I knew they were worried about me. They didn’t know what was going on, but I was overwhelmed with grief. What had happened to turn their unbreakable marriage into that?

Part of me wanted to drop everything and find the truth, but another was afraid of what I would find.

Mostly, though, I wanted to cry.

So I did. It became clear to my friends that I was just upset, and they gathered around me while Cloud Chaser and Rosemary held me until I settled down. I couldn’t help but cry. It would have been one thing to hear about what had happened, but I had felt it. I had lived through it. It was too much anger and heartbreak all at once for my own heart to bear.

Once I had told myself that I was okay, and that everything would be fine long enough for me to calm down, Ironbright tried to ask me what happened again.

“The Blackheart,” I told her. “It’s a memory orb.”

“That can’t be right,” Ironbright responded. “It’s a weapon. Why would they put memories in it?”

“It is,” I repeated. “I saw Cadence and Shining Armor. They fought. And… Cadence was pregnant.” They all turned to me. “She was about to take something, some kind of potion to kill the foal. They fought.” I felt fresh tears forming. “He let her. He told her to.” I choked back sobs. “How could he do that? He just walked away and let her.”

“Calm down,” Rosemary told me, pressing my head into her neck. “It’s alright. You’re okay,” she repeated to me for a while. Her voice was softer than my mother’s.

Ironbright was looking over the Blackheart. “The notes clearly say that it was intended to be a magical weapon. A megaspell. This doesn’t add up. Maybe you just fell asleep,” she suggested. “It seems to have some kind of aura, and maybe that was messing with your dreams.”

“He was awake the entire time,” Cloud Chaser said. “I saw him staring at it, and he was making all sorts of faces. I just thought his injuries hurt, but I think he was reacting to what he was seeing.”

“Memory orbs don’t work like that,” Ironbright said. “The user sits with a blank expression, motionless, for the duration of the memory. That’s how it works. He couldn’t have been making faces.”

“But it’s not a memory orb,” Rosemary said. “It’s something else. You kept saying it’s a weapon. Who knows how the thing actually works? Did you research notes say anything about how to use it?”

“No,” Ironbright answered. “That was something they danced around. Very top secret, obviously. Burn after reading kind of thing.”

“Hm,” was all Rosemary said. She went up to the Blackheart.

“Don’t,” I told her. That memory was not something I would wish upon any other pony.

“I’ll be fine,” she said. “I know what’s coming.” She touched her horn to it.

Nothing happened.

“Did I do it right?” she asked. She tried again. “Is there some special spell you cast?”

“No,” I said. “I just lit up my horn and touched it. I don’t get why it’s not working for you.”

“Maybe it’s a one-time thing?” Cloud Chaser offered. “Try it again, Ebonmane.”

“No,” Ironbright said. “We can worry about why it won’t work for Rosemary later. We’ve already spent enough time here. We have to keep moving.”

And that was the last words said about it until we stopped for the night. I couldn’t begin to piece together why the Blackheart didn’t work for Rosemary, and apparently everypony else was stumped, too. I was glad that Ironbright didn’t make me look into it again, because I really didn’t want to. I knew I would have to at some point, for the sake of understanding how it worked, and why only I could use it so far.

When we settled down to rest that night, everypony had theories. Rosemary thought I had done some sort of special magic, like when I healed her. Cloud Chaser still thought that it was a one-time use, and that we would have to put my memory of the event in a real memory orb if we wanted to see it again, making the Blackheart a kind of spying device. Ironbright told her that was dumb, but when the Ranger said that she believed that the magical process of creating the Blackheart had simply pulled some of Shining Armor’s memories by accident, Cloud Chaser and Rosemary both told her that it was the most ridiculous thing they ever heard. This started a small bickering that lasted until they all got fed up with each other and decided to go to bed.

I stayed silent, as usual. The memory turned over and over in my mind, replaying itself. It had been so vivid. But I don’t think I was capable of feeling the scorn that Shining Armor had felt for Cadence and his unborn foal, and that distanced me from the darkness of it somewhat.

I fell asleep developing theories of my own, but I didn’t come up with anything original. There were some nagging feelings that I couldn’t quite identify, but they were pushed away as I slowly lost consciousness.

Nightmares plagued me that night, preventing any sort of restful sleep. I dreamed that Shining Armor and Cadence were ghouls, and they chased my friends and me through a pitch black forest, hunting us down. My wings wouldn’t open, and they gained on us steadily, their screams echoing through the dead trees. Ironbright was the first to trip and fall, the couple descending on her, tearing her limb from limb. We kept moving, but Rosemary fell next, crying in fear and pain behind me. I turned my head just in time to see Cloud Chaser get caught by Rosemary, as the unicorn, now a rotten ghoul herself, tore her neck open. Cloud Chaser’s bloodcurdling scream replayed perfectly in my mind.

And then I was alone, stumbling clumsily along, feeling their breath on my back. I would try to look around, to see if I could lose the ghouls, but when I did, I saw that not only had my friends joined the ranks of my hunters, but so had my other loved ones. My brothers, my parents, Silver Bell, Ditzy Doo, Calamity, Velvet, even Littlepip, all rotten, ashen, and shrieking .

I tripped. I felt teeth sink into my spine. I rolled over to see my brothers biting into my flanks, the pain almost too real. My flesh was torn open, Rosemary tearing into my stomach while Cloud Chaser ripped through my organs. When I was certain that I should be dead, Shining Armor himself bit into my throat.

I awoke with a scream. Rosemary and Ironbright awoke to look at me, worried.

“Nightmare,” I told them. “It’s fine. Go back to sleep.”

They still looked concerned, but I wasn’t in tears, so they laid their heads back down, shifting occasionally.

The Blackheart was still in my bags, nearby. I thought about moving it, but I knew it wouldn’t change anything. I wouldn’t say anything to the others, but I had my theory.

I rarely dreamt, let alone had nightmares. And most of my dreams weren’t so vivid, and my nightmares had never been painful. These factors alone had led me to believe that it was the Blackheart’s influence that had caused the nightmares. Not simply looking into it. No, I had been the only one able to do that.

As crazy as it sounded, I think the Blackheart, like the Black Book, had some form of dark will. And it had chosen me as its victim.

I went back to a dreamless sleep eventually, as if the cursed stone were toying with me.

My recovery was slow as we trudged on toward the stable, same problems weighing me down. Not enough sleep, my armor too heavy, the air around me too hot. But now I had my troubled thoughts adding to the mix of my weariness. We were hoping to reach the stable by nightfall, and we hurried as fast as we could, each of us eager to be in a real bed, eating real food, drinking clean water, and enjoying those heavenly showers.

Rosemary and Cloud Chaser threw glances my way over the duration of our walk. They hadn’t seen me cry before, and it was obvious that they were worried. And honestly, this annoyed me. Yes, it was upsetting for me to see my idols fall so far, and I was terrified of what the Blackheart might do next, but I wasn’t a colt. Rosemary would check on me during meals, asking me if I was alright and how I was feeling, and I would grunt an answer out of politeness, but I didn’t need a mother to coddle me after a nightmare. I had never had the opportunity to stand up on my own strength. I had always been instructed and supervised in Junction Town, never truly having any independence, and now that I had it, I wanted to prove to myself most of all that I had what it took to be on my own. Perhaps it was foolish of me to refuse comfort for the sake of my pride, but it wasn’t that I wanted to do it alone. I just wanted everyone to stop underestimating what I could handle.

I knew the real reason I was so surly was because I was tired and hungry and in pain. I knew that all I had to do was put on a happy face and be thankful that my friends and I were alive, and that I had a promising future ahead of me as an Applejack’s Ranger. But somedays a pony simply just doesn’t feel like putting in that effort, and today was one of those days. I would apologize to the rest for my attitude later.

With the concern of my friends dampening their own spirits, conversation was limited. We listened to music, mostly, trudging across crusty, barren hills that seemed to stretch on forever.

My mind did wonder what Ironbright had to speak with the others about alone before I looked into the Blackheart. It was obvious that there hadn’t been a confrontation, but that only made it harder to guess what she had spoken to them about. I didn’t want to be so self-centered as to think that they were talking about me, but then why had I been excluded from the conversation?

So I swallowed my gruffness to satisfy my curiosity. I walked up alongside Rosemary, who had been pinned to Cloud Chaser’s side since we left Canterlot, talking to her and doing whatever she could to ease the pain of the pegasus’s injury, and I wasn’t about to come between them. “So, what did Ironbright say to you guys?” I asked bluntly.

“No one likes a snooper, Ebonmane,” Cloud Chaser answered smugly.

“You’re one to talk,” Rosemary said with a grin.

“Hey! I’m just good at intel, like a spy!” the pegasus insisted.

I wasn’t distracted. “So you can’t tell me? What, is it a secret? That the Initiate can’t know but two civilians can?”

“Sure. A secret,” Rosemary said. They were being tough.

“Is it about me?” I at least wanted to satisfy that curiosity.

“Not everything is about you, Ebonmane,” Cloud Chaser taunted.

“Don’t be so selfish,” Rosemary double-teamed. This game was getting annoying.

“It’s not selfish if it is though, it just means I’m a good guesser,” I defended.

“You’ll just have to wait and see,” Rosemary said in finality.

“When?” I persisted.

Ironbright called back to shut me up. “At the stable. So keep walking and quit bothering them about it. They’re not going to tell you.”

This was maddening, but I had no other choice but to shut up and endure. I didn’t much feel like talking to them, either, so I faded back and sunk again into silence. The two mares ahead of me glanced back occasionally, but they didn’t have any clue what to do or say to me, so they left me alone. I knew I was only giving them more to worry about, and all I had to do to ease their minds was to talk to them, but they would survive.

Celestia’s sun sank slowly into the hills until it eventually surrendered, it too being swallowed by the wasteland, allowing night to reign. We took dinner at twilight, Rosemary going out of her way to inspect a grove of nearby trees for fruit. Ironbright escorted her, leaving me with Cloud Chaser. She didn’t know what to say to me, and I was still too tired and depressed to talk, so we sat in silence. It was clear that this was uncomfortable for her. She was a very chatty young mare. But even if I wanted to break the ice, I wouldn’t know where to begin. So we just sat around the fire, gazing at the grove in the distance, waiting for the other half of our party to return.

Their journey was fruitful, pun intended. Now that we were closer to the stable and Ponyville, somehow apple seeds had survived, and ponies had planted them. Most of them were planted while radiation still ravaged the soil, but a few young ones had managed to sprout. Being late summer, and the trees themselves not full-sized, the apples were small, unripened and sour-looking, but Rosemary with her trusty stock of spices made a miracle soup out of her find. I knew we were closer to the stable, and eating what tasted like a real meal instead of rations combined with the thoughts of a bed tonight lightened my mood. I was still quiet in nature, but I was feeling a lot less grumpy.

Cloud Chaser, desperate for conversation after having to sit with a stoic me for the past forty minutes, took the risk of striking up conversation with Ironbright. “So where are you from?”

“Manehattan,” Ironbright replied simply. “Yourself?”

“New Appleloosa, both of us,” she answered for her and Rosemary.

“Do they have lots of pegasi in New Appleloosa? I thought that most of them were living in Junction Town or Friendship City. I would think that after Operation Cauterize, they wouldn’t be too welcome in New Appleloosa.”

“I’m the only one,” Cloud Chaser replied simply. “I’m an orphan, so it’s not like the ponies there could kick out a baby foal. They just got used to me.”

“I’m sorry,” Ironbright replied solemnly. “I didn’t know.” Cloud Chaser just waved her hoof, dismissing it. I smiled. It was amazing how difficult it was to bring Cloud Chaser down. But she had never had parents, so I guess she couldn’t feel the loss of something she never had. Perhaps some orphans could, but not her.

“Then how do you all know each other?” Ironbright asked.

Rosemary took over here. “I’ve always lived in New Appleloosa. My parents still live there, actually. But when I was old enough, I put all my caps into buying this big building and turning it into an inn. I met Cloud Chaser because she knew I had the best food.”

“You gave me free food when I was starving,” Cloud Chaser corrected. Again, I smiled at Rosemary’s attempt to spare Cloud Chaser’s dignity, but the pegasus refused to be ashamed of herself or the circumstances she couldn’t control.

Ironbright’s eyes turned to me, and I began my end of the story. “I grew up in Junction Town, and I was a neighborhood watchpony there. A friend of mine-”

“A mare,” Cloud Chaser interrupted with a sly smile.

I continued. She didn’t let me finish. “A friend of mine lost her mother, and she had no real father, so instead of living alone she decided to start over in New Appleloosa, and they were sent to meet us.”

“I see,” Ironbright nodded.

“Oh, can I tell her about the raiders?” Cloud Chaser piped up. She launched into the story before Rosemary or I could stop her, starting with how they found me nearly dead and ending with how we took on a room full of sniper ponies armed with nothing but cheap guns and the element of surprise, and she embellished the entire way, making every moment and decision one of daring skill or cunning. Hearing it from her mouth, we sounded like heroes.

Ironbright appeared to be slightly impressed, but when Cloud Chaser was finished, she said, “I didn’t know you were all so inexperienced.” She didn’t say anything more, and we didn’t know how to respond. As we finished our meals, preparing for the last leg of our journey, I could see wheels turning in Ironbright’s head. In her expression, I read guilt. We had been introduced to her as wastelanders, travelers who had at least a little experience on these dangerous roads. But now our age was apparent to her, and I could see her looking especially close at Cloud Chaser’s wound. She was responsible for taking us, Cloud Chaser and me barely a mare and stallion respectively, into battle. She had armed young ponies and led us to risk our lives for her order’s agenda. I could tell these thoughts would stick with her.

I understood her a little better then. Because no matter how badly she wanted to be Star Paladin, no amount of fame or glory could ever be worth risking the lives of children. I knew she was wrong to see us only for our age, and the gap between us in that respect, but I empathized, looking at Cloud Chaser and Rosemary ahead of me.

I too, had led young ponies into a fight that wasn’t theirs to handle. I was the reason those two were even out here in the first place.

Clouds raced along the night sky, blocking the moon from our vision by the time we reached Stable Two. We entered through the massive steel door in pitch darkness. Not even a star shone in the skies above.

“Help Ebonmane get his armor off, then you three can go to bed,” Ironbright told us.

“What will you do?” Rosemary asked.

“I have to report to Elder Hibiscus Tea. Then I’ll sleep.”

Cloud Chaser jumped in. “But what about-”

“Tomorrow,” Ironbright interrupted. Nothing more was said as she moved ahead of us.

The halls of Stable Two were still lively, even in the middle of the night, but they were noticeably quieter, as a lot of ponies were sleeping. The rangers who were up at this hour looked stoic and focused, barely giving us a glance as they passed, heading on toward their duties.

“Bet you’re ready to get out of that armor, huh?” Cloud Chaser remarked.

“I’m ready for bed,” I replied.

“You’re ready for a bath,” Rosemary said. “None of us should put that off.”

“Sleeeeep,” Cloud Chaser protested.

“You’ll fall asleep much more easily once you’ve had a nice, hot shower to soothe those muscles.”

“We should probably stop by the infirmary to see if we can’t score you another healing potion before we do anything,” I suggested. Cloud Chaser’s wounds were still large and scabby, and I worried about infection, as I’m sure Rosemary did.

“Ugh. Fine,” the pegasus gave up.

Surprisingly, it didn’t take more than a few minutes for Cloud Chaser to receive treatment. They simply looked her over, decided how much medicine to give her and that was that. It was remarkable how efficient the Rangers had become after doing away with the Steel Ranger’s red tape.

Maintenance was next, to have our armors cleaned and repaired. My heart gave a jolt of excitement when I realized that Littlepip herself had spent most of her time in this wing. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw the most elaborate murals of all sprawling across the surface of the walls that she had found so dull and lifeless. The toaster repair pony would have been proud.

Cloud Chaser stripped her zebra armor first to have it sewn up, and then the two mares turned to the daunting task of getting me out of this shell. I tried to help, but Roesmary batted my muzzle away when I tried to undo the straps, so once again, I simply stood still while they worked, frustrated. I couldn’t be out of this steel skin fast enough.

They were taking a rather long time. “What’s the matter?” Rosemary asked Cloud Chaser, who was working on the plates on my flanks.

“It’s all sweaty,” Cloud Chaser replied. I saw Rosemary roll her eyes, and Cloud Chaser snapped back, “Hey, just wait till you get a plate off and touch the padding.”

“It’s not that bad,” Rosemary said quietly, trying to spare my feelings. The little unicorn was working on my chest plate. Even with magic, the plates still took some sort of mouth or hoof grip to remove, and I could see Rosemary wrinkling her nose as she peeled the large plate off. I couldn’t help but blush and wish I was dead. Even I could smell myself.

“Not that bad?” Cloud Chaser said. I began to pray that Celestia would spare me of Cloud Chaser’s next words. No such luck. “I get that it was hot out, but this is disgusting.”

“Cloud Chaser,” Rosemary said with a sharp tone, signaling her to cut it out.

“I just don’t get why stallions stink so much more than mares,” she continued as she got the other flank plate off.

“Cloud Chaser, stop. You’re embarrassing him.” Thanks Rosemary. Way to draw attention to it.

“Oh,” was all Cloud Chaser said, realizing her mistake. Luckily, she had the grace not to try to open her mouth to fix it.

The plates came off eventually, and smelly or not, I couldn’t help but smile when they did. I felt hundreds of pounds lighter.

“Showers?” Rosemary asked.

“Showers,” I nodded in agreement.

I stumbled when I took my first step. My legs felt like rubber.

“Are you alright?” Rosemary asked. “Are you sure that healing potion fixed your leg?”

“Yeah,” I answered. “I’ve just lost a lot of weight recently, and I’m not used to it.”

My legs flailed for a while as we headed to the showers before I got them under control. My friends seemed concerned, but I didn’t fall, so they didn’t rush to help me. I admit, I was a little worried, and I wondered what Ironbright had been thinking. I knew how training worked, but I also knew that it was possible to over-train. I doubted that my legs or any other part of me would end up much stronger. With healing potions, I didn’t think that I had suffered any serious damage, but I wondered how I would be feeling if Ironbright hadn’t found that merchant outside of Canterlot.

Steam wafted from the showers, signaling the presence of other ponies within. As we passed through the curtain of refreshing vapor, I only saw a couple of stallions washing quietly. They looked as tired as I was.

“Oh,” Rosemary said. I turned to see a visible blush on her face. She looked uncomfortable. “I didn’t know they were public…”

“Rosemary,” Cloud Chaser started, “what’s the big deal? Nopony’s going to touch you or anything. It’s just water.”

“I just don’t want anypony looking at me while I’m showering,” she answered, casting her gaze aside, her hoof pawing at the ground nervously.

“Why?” Cloud Chaser asked.

“Because,” Rosemary said, unable to explain herself.

I interjected. “There are two sides, and one side is empty. You can take that side all by yourself,” I suggested. “Cloud Chaser and I will go on the other side. Our backs will be to you. You’ll basically be completely alone.”

“Fine…” she agreed. Cloud Chaser rolled her eyes, but we separated. The pegasus and I claimed spots beneath showerheads next to each other, the two other stallions a few spots down on either side of us.

Cloud Chaser moaned when she turned the water on. “Oh, sweet Celestia service me,” she said. I hadn’t heard Cloud Chaser speak like this before. She looked at me. “Turn it on. It’s better than sex.”

I did. I let out a sigh of release as the water splashed over my fatigued body, the stress and soreness and sweat washing away with the heated droplets. Cloud Chaser’s phrase was appropriate. This was better than a blowjob from Celestia herself.

But I couldn’t help but turn to Cloud Chaser once I had recovered the ability to think. “How would you know?” I asked her.

“It’s just an expression.” She shot me a withering look. I shut up. She let out another sigh. “Can you get these braids undone? I need to wash my mane,” she asked me.

I wouldn’t dare touch her after my last question, so I used magic to untie the bits of ribbon that held them in place, next combing my power through the locks to untangle them. Her mane went wild, curling around her face and neck. Her mane turned from cloudy to stormy as she soaked it under the stream, her head obscured in the tangles. Her mane was a lot longer unbraided than I thought.

She didn’t see me looking at her, but I knew if I kept staring she would. “Just relax,” I told myself. “Enjoy the water.” And it wasn’t too hard to do that. It was better than sex, after all.

My pegasus friend flipped her mane back once she felt it was clean, sending a spray of water across the tiled floor. Even without looking, I felt her eyes on me, and I sensed a smile before she spoke. “Big day for you tomorrow, huh?”

“What?” I turned back to her.

“Oh,” she backpedaled. It was clear that I wasn’t supposed to know about this.

“What’s happening tomorrow?” I pried.

“Nothing,” she said. “You’ll find out tomorrow.”

“So it’s not nothing,” I said.

She gave a frustrated sigh. “Just don’t worry about it, Ebonmane.”

One more question. “Will I like it?”

She looked away from me. “I hope so.”

“What does that mean?” I asked quietly.

“Just…” she looked at me again, her eyes full of sincerity. “No matter what happens tomorrow, you should know that you’re a good guy, alright? I know you can be hard on yourself, but you shouldn’t be. And I know Rosemary and I didn’t say the nicest things about you when we first met, but I think we were wrong.”

I didn’t think so. “What makes you say that?” I asked her.

She smiled. “Rosemary can be pretty blind sometimes, but I’m not. Remember Mareheat?” she asked wryly.

“Yeah,” I said. I didn’t like where this was going.

“After your outburst in the river, Rosemary got so worried that you did something with one of the whores. But I know you didn’t. I know something happened, because you looked so hurt when she asked you about it, but I know you still have your precious virginity intact.”

“That doesn’t make me a good guy,” I pointed out.

“It means you care about other ponies more than yourself. You won’t do something if you think it’s wrong. I grew up on the streets. There aren’t a lot of ponies who listen to themselves as well as you do.” She sighed. “You probably hate yourself more than anypony else, and who doesn’t really? But tomorrow, just do yourself a favor and cut yourself some slack, alright?”

Why was she saying this to me? I had too many questions to ask, but I knew she wouldn’t tell me and I didn’t know where to begin. So I just answered, “Okay.”

The soothing waters had worked their magic, so we gathered Rosemary and left the showers, using magic to wring out our manes and tails as we did. Not much was said on the way to the barracks. The beds were arranged in a large common room, and nopony owned any bed; you just picked one for the night. Most of the beds were already occupied, so Rosemary and Cloud Chaser picked the only two empty ones that were adjacent, and I found a stray one somewhere else.

My mind was alight with curiosity about the things that Cloud Chaser had said to me, but I knew I would find out quicker if I went straight to sleep. My lids became heavy as soon as my head touched the pillow, but my pesky thoughts kept me awake long enough to bring up a few more points.

Although Cloud Chaser had just showered me with compliments and encouragement, she clearly hadn’t done so to make me feel better. It was more like she was apologizing.

But for what? This question haunted me as I fell asleep. No nightmares tonight, but they weren’t entirely necessary. Cloud Chaser had said I was a good guy, but how honest was she really being?

It didn’t matter. All would be revealed tomorrow.

Despite my deep sleep, I awoke on my own. The beds around me were empty, and the lights had come on gradually to mimic the sunrise, so I figured I had slept in some. I rose, my mane a mess, my muscles punishingly sore, but my stomach demanded the majority of my attention.

I hoped I wasn’t late for breakfast. Stepping out into the hall, still having no idea how the stable was laid out, I just looked both ways and picked the direction the most ponies were travelling in. I was right, and I was led into the lower half of the atrium where ponies sat around tables, trays full of food before them.

After sitting in line, shifting impatiently, I got my food and found Ironbright at one of the tables, a space open for me. I noticed that her mane was wet when I sat down, and without her armor, she looked a lot less intimidating. She was still vastly stronger than I was, especially with my legs protesting whenever I asked too much of them, but she even looked to be in a good mood this morning.

“Sleep well?” she asked.

I nodded. “You?” She nodded back.

“So what are we doing today?” I asked, hoping I could get a clue as to what lie ahead.

She told me straight out. “Your hearing is today.” Oh.

“My hearing?” I asked, a little nervousness in my voice.

“If we’re going to Manehattan to chase after Thunderfall, you have to be more than an Initiate. Honestly, we’re really rushing the initiation process, but I told Hibiscus Tea you were ready. Canterlot was a lot more dangerous than I thought it would be. A lot of Rangers might have died where you didn’t.” I smiled, but she shook her head. “I’m getting ahead of myself. We’re not going to talk about it now.”

“When is it?” I asked.

“An hour, in the war room. Sometimes these things take a while, and you’ll want to get it over with. So be ready by then. Comb your mane or something.”

I ignored that. “I have to be there?”

She glanced at me as she took a sip of coffee. “You think we’d talk about you behind your back like that? Applejack wouldn’t approve.”

Great. I was beginning to understand. When Ironbright had taken Rosemary and Cloud Chaser aside, she had told them about the hearing, and what would happen when we got back to the stable. Cloud Chaser had said those things last night because she knew they were going to break me down in every possible way to see if I was fit to be a Ranger. This wasn’t what I expected. I thought I would simply be pacing nervously outside of the Elder’s office, waiting for a decision, but hearing what they had to say about me would be so much worse than fearing rejection. Even if I passed, I doubted it would be a glowing review. Everypony had flaws to consider, and I certainly was no exception.

I retreated to the barracks after eating my breakfast of oatmeal and apple juice. It wasn’t Rosemary’s cooking, but I barely noticed. The first thing I did when I sat on my bed was look for a comb, but I couldn’t find Rosemary or Cloud Chaser. The place was relatively empty, except for a few sleeping Rangers, but they were out cold, so I sifted furtively through my mare friends’ saddlebags looking for a comb to borrow. No such luck. I must have dug through Rosemary’s for at least five minutes; she was such a neat freak. But all I found were spices, ammo, and other essentials. Cloud Chaser’s weren’t much different: ammo, all the crystals she had taken from Canterlot, and bobby pins. I wasn’t going to pin my mane back, so I just ran my hooves through it until there was nothing left to do.

This consumed a good fifteen minutes, and the last forty-five were spent worrying and attempting to distract myself. I picked up my armor and sword, thanking the maintenance mare for cleaning, repairing and sharpening. My sword and armor gleamed with fresh polish, and you couldn’t smell a drop of sweat in the padding. That took fifteen minutes. After that I looked for Rosemary and Cloud Chaser, but for the love of Luna’s nightlife I couldn’t find them anywhere. That killed fifteen minutes, but I was getting more worried and impatient. So I sat in the barracks for the last quarter hour, letting the worry flow through me. What would they say? Would I pass? What would happen if I didn’t? These thoughts cycled through my head until the time came.

Suddenly I was at the war room, located in a rather remote section of the stable. I had no idea what it was used for before the Rangers took over, but as I entered, seeing a bare room with two tables facing each other, it felt like an interrogation room.

Ironbright and the Elder were seated at one table, but I froze when I saw who was seated next to them. Cloud Chaser and Rosemary.

What were they doing here?

“Take a seat, Initiate,” the Elder motioned to the table as I closed the door.

I did as I was told, taking a deep breath to steel myself. My courage was fading quickly with the presence of my friends, and I couldn’t even begin to muster enough clarity to guess as to why they were here. Everything would be explained soon, anyway, so I took another deep breath, waiting for the Elder to speak.

She took her time, sorting through a sheaf of papers. Had she been taking notes on me?

“Before we begin the hearing for the initiation of Ebonmane into the ranks of Applejack’s Rangers, we must take the Oath of Honesty,” The Elder said in a deep, commanding voice. When I had spoken to her before, she had been so subdued and polite. Now I saw the soldier within her. She continued. “In this hearing we will determine the skill of Ebonmane as a soldier and the character of him as a pony. If this is to be achieved, perfect honesty must be maintained. In the spirit of our Founder, the Ministry Mare Applejack, all present must vow to speak only the truth to the best of their ability, without regard to lesser concerns, such as the feelings of others present. This is a very serious matter, and sometimes Honesty can be brutal, but it is for the best of our Order. If anypony here does not believe themselves capable of this kind of honesty, I would ask them to remove themselves now, or be bound by the last of their silence.”

No one moved.

“Very well,” she said. “Thus begins the hearing. Let the pony who instructed Ebonmane in the ways of the Ranger and trained him in the ways of the soldier identify themselves.”

“I am his commander and mentor,” Ironbright declared.

The Elder continued. “Let all the ponies who call themselves his true friends identify themselves, for nopony is known better or judged more fairly than by the honesty of a friend.”

“I am a friend of Ebonmane.”

“I am a friend of Ebonmane,” Cloud Chaser and Rosemary answered in turn.

“The Initiate’s superiors and peers are gathered. Let us hear the report of his commander.”

Ironbright stood, and moved to the center of the room, in between me and the Elder. She stood with her sides facing us, one eye visible to me and the Elder. She paused before she spoke.

Giving me time to think. This was happening too fast. What was going on? How did Cloud Chaser and Rosemary get mixed up in all of this? This hearing, this ritual, was moving along like they had rehearsed it, and I felt like I was watching my fate unfold without my consent.

“Ebonmane is a young stallion,” Ironbright began, “and a lot of the common descriptors of young stallions apply to him. He is ambitious, filled with the dreams of youth, and he is lonely, searching for his place in the world.” I had never thought that would be said of me, but I knew it was true the moment it came out of her mouth. “Unlike other young stallions, however, Ebonmane aspires to reach a state of moral purity and goodness, and he seeks to fill the holes in his life not with mares or achievements, but by finding a sense of purpose and usefulness in his life.” She paused here, and I couldn’t help but give a small smile. But Ironbright remained expressionless. “However, Ebonmane is not immune to the pitfalls of such thinking. No pony is ever pure, and Ebonmane strives for a version of himself that he is incapable of reaching. Likewise, his vision of purpose, of making Equestria a better place, is a dream that is unrealistic and shrouded in fantasy. As Rangers, you and I know, Elder, that every scrap of good we achieve is hard fought and small. It is still worth fighting for, but Ebonmane and this plan of his will not save the wasteland. It is debatable whether it will even have an effect on the sex trade.”

“I see,” the Elder said. It appeared that the Elder was going to question Ironbright. “What of Ebonmane as a Ranger?”

“As a Ranger, Ebonmane is difficult to classify,” Ironbright admitted. “His devotion to his sense of goodness could either make him an incredible asset to us, providing the Rangers with wisdom and insight beyond his years, or he could be a thorn, spurning authority to follow his own agenda. Even physically, Ebonmane is on the fence. He is significantly weaker than the average stallion, and his build will likely not yield a great amount of power, even with training. However, I’ve seen Ebonmane perform feats that even I may not be able to achieve. I witnessed him survive an onslaught of Canterlot ghouls in sub-par armor, standing under wounds that should have incapacitated, if not killed him. He did this through an impeccable fighting instinct and stubborn determination. I’ve learned that this is not the only instance of Ebonmane surviving near-death. It is also worth mentioning that he has only been in combat a few times, yet he fights with a skill that I find remarkable. He learns quickly, as a born fighter.”

The Elder spoke again. “Would you continue to train him?”

“Yes. He passed all of my tests. No matter how much I poked at his weaknesses, how worthless I made him feel, he kept the armor on. He decided to continue to be an Initiate, instead of letting his pride overcome him.”
“On a mission, would you hoof-pick Ebonmane to fight at your side?”

Ironbright thought for a while. “Yes. He is a wild card, a pony who has often surprised me. On a mission, he would be far more likely to be the finishing touch than the weakest link. What he lacks in a diverse skillset he makes up for in combat utility.”

“If he were to be promoted above you, would you follow his commands to the letter, without question?”

Ironbright did not speak for some time, considering her answer. My jaw was set. The tension was great. “Yes. In time, Ebonmane will mature beyond whatever aspects of a colt are left in him. His sensitivity to his gut is not a trait that can be taught to commanders, and despite his insecurities, no commander would sooner give his life to save his troops than Ebonmane.”

“Sometimes sacrifices must be made,” the Elder reminded Ironbright.

“Ebonmane understands that. But Big MacIntosh sacrificed himself for Celestia, and I recognize that instinct in Ebonmane. Suicidal, yes, but fearless.”

“Finally,” the Elder continued, “by your word, would give your support to Ebonmane to have him join our order, thus becoming like your own brother in blood?”

Ironbright hung her head. “I would not call Ebonmane a brother.” My heart sank. “I would sooner think of him as a nephew. But this is through no fault of his own. I simply see too much of an age difference. I would still support him as a Ranger.”

“That is not what I asked,” the Elder said harshly. “Would you call him your brother?”

Ironbright looked me in the eyes, and then turned to the Elder. “Someday, I want to. He could be a better brother to me than my own. We just don’t know each other that well, yet. And that is my fault. I am not quick to reveal my heart.”

The Elder put her hooves together, considering this, but finally said. “Thank you, Paladin Ironbright.” Ironbright took her seat again. “Next, let a friend of Ebonmane’s come forward.”

There was a long pause. Neither Rosemary or Cloud Chaser jumped up. They looked petrified. It was Rosemary who eventually broke the silence with her faint voice. “I will.”

She stood and took her position in the center of the room, facing the same direction as Ironbright. She did her best to stand tall and confidently, but her face had lost its color. I worried she might be sick. Why was she so nervous? I was the one on trial, not her.

“Who are you, friend of Ebonmane?” the Elder began.

“My name is Rosemary, of New Appleloosa.” Her voice was so timid, we could barely hear her.

“How did you meet Ebonmane? Speak up, girl,” the Elder asked.

“I met him on the road to New Appleloosa. He was escorting a friend of his from Junction Town when they were attacked by raiders. Cloud Chaser and I saved his life and helped him save his kidnapped friend.”

“I see.” The Elder’s tone was much warmer than it was with Ironbright, helping to take the pressure off of Rosemary. She sounded like the Elder I had met in her office. “So you have only known Ebonmane for a brief time?”

“Yes, but when you travel with a pony, spending all day with them, you get to know them quicker than usual.” Rosemary had a point. I certainly felt like I knew her fairly well.

“Then why don’t you start by telling us about him. What would you say about him if you were trying to make somepony understand what he’s like?” the Elder prompted.

Rosemary took a breath before starting. “Ebonmane is different than any other pony I’ve ever met. Sometimes I feel like I could never really understand what goes through his mind. He’s very complicated.” I winced. Complicated was different than complex, but Rosemary continued. “What I do know is that he cares a lot about other ponies. He wants to help others. I think that’s the main thing to know about him.”

“What do you mean?” The Elder asked.

“Well, you know about his plan to deal with Thunderfall. He doesn’t have to do that. No pony asked him to go to Manehattan and stop him, but he is, because it’s the right thing to do. And even if this doesn’t work, and you don’t let him become a Ranger, he’s going to go anyways and find a way to stop him. I know Ironbright said that he can be unrealistic, but I think that so many ponies are so worried about what they can or can’t do that they don’t even bother trying. It doesn’t matter if Ebonmane has his head in the clouds. At least he’s trying.”

“And you would say that’s his best quality?” the Elder asked.

“No,” Rosemary said, thinking for a moment. “I think his best quality is his sensitivity. Not that he’s sensitive, or not tough, but that he’s aware of what ponies around him are thinking or feeling. Ebonmane’s lowest moments aren’t when he makes a mistake, it’s when he hurts another pony’s feelings.”

“Does he do this often?” the Elder interrupted.

Rosemary turned her head away from me. “Sometimes.” I knew she was thinking about the time I shouted at her after Mareheat. “But when he does, he always makes up for it, too. He’s done… a lot for me. You know he carried me across the wasteland, and I still don’t know how he found the strength to do that. But what means the most to me is when he apologized to me after hurting my feelings. I could tell he was sorry as soon as he yelled at me, but I was too hurt and stubborn to forgive him. But Ebonmane, for all his pride, can be really humble. He thinks it’s more important to apologize than to be right.”

“Then what would you say is his worst quality?”

Rosemary paused. “Ebonmane can be really hard on himself. And when he gets down, he pushes other ponies away. He has to prove to himself that he’s good, and if somepony helps him then he feels weak. And he criticizes himself a lot, I can tell. I do it, too.” Rosemary turned to look at me for the first time. “It’s a lot of little things that add up to this depression and loneliness. But he always comes around. When he gets down, he gets really down, but he never stays there. He doesn’t let it stop him.”

The Elder paused before launching into her next series of questions. “Does Ebonmane’s friendship matter to you?”

“Yes,” Rosemary answered. “Now that I’ve gotten the chance to know him, I can’t stand to see him upset.” Ironbright smiled, thinking of the way she had yelled at me on the road. “He’s… one of the best friends I’ve ever had.” Rosemary said this as if it were a confession.

“If you were the one sitting in his seat right now and he was giving his opinion on you, would you listen even if he said things that hurt you?”

Rosemary considered this. “Yes. Ebonmane is, at heart, a good pony. I haven’t always been the nicest to him, but he’s never said a mean thing to me, or done anything to me to make me feel bad. He’s always been good to me and Cloud Chaser. Even if he were to criticize me, I know it would be said in the kindest way possible. It would be constructive. He knows right from wrong better than I do.” Her voice became quiet there.

“Do you believe that Ebonmane would do well in the roles he may be asked to play in his future, as a soldier, husband, father, or leader?”

“Yes,” Rosemary didn’t have to think about that one. “Ebonmane is completely dependable. I know it’s hard to believe because he can be so insecure and he seems so weak and sensitive at times, but as far as I can see whenever a pony has needed Ebonmane to come through for them, he has. I wouldn’t be here if not for his strength, and neither would Cloud Chaser. He would make a good soldier. And he would be an even better husband and father, because he would think about them so much more than he thinks about himself. And one day, I think he could be a great leader.” Rosemary’s smile glowed, and I felt its warmth.

“Who is Ebonmane to you?” the Elder asked.

“What do you mean?” Rosemary said.

“How do you relate to Ebonmane? What does he mean to you?”

Rosemary answered quietly. “He and Cloud Chaser are my best friends. My only friends.”
“Is that all?” the Elder asked cuttingly.

“I… I don’t know what else to say,” Rosemary replied nervously.

“Would you call him a brother?”

“No,” Rosemary said.

“Anything? Your cousin? A father figure? The love of your life? Anything?” The Elder was attacking her, and Rosemary faltered.

“He’s… He’s my best friend. That’s… why does he have to be more than that?”

For once, the Elder explained. “Friendship is powerful. But our truest friends are like family to us. Applejack counted the other ministry mares as family members. Would you count Ebonmane as family? Be honest.”

Rosemary hung her head. “No…”

“Why not?”

The little unicorn took a deep, shaky breath. She knew she was failing me, but she had to be honest. “I just… don’t think of him like that.”

“Why? What about him prevents you from being close to him? Be honest.” I hated the Elder in that moment. Rosemary was clearly upset, but the Elder was bullying her.

“I just don’t, alright!? But he’s a good pony, so leave him alone!” Rosemary shouted. I could see all the feelings she had felt when Ironbright yelled at me coming out. All the ways she wanted to defend me, and once more she was unable to. I didn’t blame her. I didn’t count her as a sister or anything like that. She was a good friend. What was wrong with that?

“Rosemary,” I said to her. “It’s alright. I understand. Thank you.”

Rosemary looked shaky, but she turned to sit down.

“Would any other friends of Ebonmane care to speak?” the Elder called.

“I would,” Cloud Chaser said confidently. Now that she had seen what the Elder had put Rosemary through, Cloud Chaser walked to the center of the room like she had a score to settle. She wouldn’t be bullied like that.

“Who are you, friend of Ebonmane?”

“I’m Cloud Chaser, orphan of New Appleloosa.”

“I believe we know how you met Ebonmane from Rosemary’s testimony, so why don’t you tell us about him?”

She smiled. “Ebonmane can be a real idiot sometimes.” I sank in my chair. What in the world was she doing? “I think that’s basically what Ironbright and Rosemary wanted to say, but they were just trying to sugar-coat it.”

“That’s a very dangerous thing to say after we’ve taken an Oath of Honesty,” the Elder warned.

“Then if they weren’t sugar-coating it, saying he’s an idiot is a good way to sum all of it up. They said he was out of touch, reckless, and clearly doesn’t have his priorities or sense of self-worth straightened out.”

The Elder seemed very interested in this talk. “So would you say that’s the worst quality of Ebonmane?”

“No,” she answered. Are you kidding me? “I think the worst thing about him is that he can be a real hypocrite.”

“Go on,” the Elder said with a smile.

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Ebonmane thinks with his dick too much.” Ouch. Didn’t she apologize for that? I was starting to get angry at her, because that wasn’t true. “He likes to think that he’s not mare-crazy or that he wants love more than sex, but even if he doesn’t care about sex as much as he says he doesn’t, which is bullshit, wanting love for love’s sake still counts as being mare-crazy.”

“So you think he’s a sex hound?” the Elder continued. Rosemary looked like she was going to skin Cloud Chaser alive. Ironbright simply sat back, watching this unfold with a blank expression. I just sank into my chair.

“As much of a sex hound as a virgin can be.”

“How do you know this?”
Cloud Chaser paused here. Finally, she dropped her cheerfully destructive tone and looked me in the eye with apology before turning to the Elder. “Because I’ve seen the way he looks at me and Rosemary.”

There was a long pause, but none of us knew what to say. “What do you mean?” the Elder continued.

Cloud Chaser took a deep breath. “It’s not hard to tell when a stallion’s attracted to a mare. I don’t know how he feels about us, but he does look at us a lot. I’m sure he’s thought about it.”

“About sleeping with you?”

“No. Well, maybe, but I don’t think that really matters. Everypony fantasizes, but that doesn’t mean anything. I think he thinks about being with us sometimes, and that’s why it’s hard to talk to him. Because he’s more concerned with love than friendship. He won’t be honest with us about how he feels because he’s worried that we’ll reject him, but he doesn’t understand that even if we do reject him, we still like him a lot.”

“Do you have feelings for Ebonmane?” the Elder asked. My heart stopped.

Cloud Chaser shrugged. “He’s a good guy. A lot of mares would be lucky to be with him. But so much is happening right now… I don’t know how anypony’s supposed to fall in love like this. I guess I haven’t really thought about my own feelings.”

“And now that you have?”

“It’s too soon to tell. We’re still getting to know him, me and Rosemary.”

“I see,” the Elder said. “So what would you say is his best quality?”

Cloud Chaser smiled. “I think his best quality is his worst quality. He’s mare-crazy.”

“Explain.”

She looked at me again. “Ebonmane is really prejudiced towards mares. He feels like he needs to protect them, and he always acts like a gentlecolt around us, even though no stallion really thinks like that all of the time. He hates feeling like other stallions who are sex-hounds because he thinks that’s really disrespectful, and that all mares deserve respect. Maybe that’s wrong for him to have that prejudice, because he thinks less of his fellow stallions and more of mares, even if the mares don’t deserve that much respect. So that’s a flaw. He’s mare-crazy. But the fact that he’s mare-crazy not for sex, or even that he wants love, but because he feels like that’s the right thing to do says a lot about him. Rosemary and I both noticed this. His flaws are good points. He’s reckless, but his recklessness saved my life. He’s got his head in the clouds and he’ll never feel good enough to be the kind of pony he wants to be, but even if he is a crazy dreamer, he’ll never stop trying to make himself better. And maybe one day he’ll be able to pull off those dreams. You can ask any of us. We all thought that he was crazy when he was talking about taking down Thunderfall. Rosemary said that he should just let somepony else handle it. But now he’s here, and if he passes this, he’ll be making that dream a reality. We’ve all learned to believe in Ebonmane. You just have to take a chance and have some faith in him. He has a lot of flaws, but those flaws make him one of the best ponies I’ve ever met.”

The Elder paused, her smile becoming warmer. She began her series of questions. “Does Ebonmane’s friendship matter to you?”

“I need his friendship, because without it, I wouldn’t be doing anything worthwhile in my life.” I smiled.
“If your positions were reversed, how would you feel about the things he might say about you?”
“I would take every word to heart, because he would give me a more honest review than I just gave of him, but it would be a lot nicer and a lot more helpful. He thinks about other ponies so much, sometimes I think he knows us better than ourselves.” I exhaled in surprise, my smile growing.
“Do you believe that he would do well in all the roles he may be asked to fill in his life?”
“Ebonmane could be the best soldier you’ve ever had because he refuses to give up. The mare he marries will be the happiest mare in the world. I don’t know a lot about fathers, but I would have killed to have a dad like Ebonmane. And if he gets promoted, Applejack’s Rangers might finally be able to restore Equestria to the way it was.” I could have sworn there were tears in my eyes.
“Who is Ebonmane to you?”

Cloud Chaser smiled warmly, turning directly toward the Elder. “Officially, Rosemary’s my best friend, so he’s not that. But he’s everything else. He’s like a brother to me, but I already said that if I had a father I wish he would have been like Ebonmane. Hell, I never really thought about colts before him, but even though I’m not in love with him or anything, he’s shown me the kind of colts I should be looking for. He’s a lot of things to me. I don’t think any of us here could live without him now that we’ve gotten to know him. He grows on you.”
I could have kissed her.

Cloud Chaser sat down, but I couldn’t stop staring at her and smiling. Everything she had said was perfect. Yes, I could be an idiot. No one knew this better than me. But for the first time in my life, she made me feel like that was okay. Like I didn’t have to beat myself up over my mistakes. She smiled back at me, and I felt so much well up within me that I couldn’t have begun to sort out my feelings.

“Ebonmane. Stand and come forward.”

The Elder’s voice cut through my elation, but after Cloud Chaser’s testimony, I couldn’t be nervous. I was starting to believe in myself. I took my position at the center of the room, facing my friends and the Elder.

“Sometimes, the most honest review is the one you give yourself,” she told me. “How do you feel about your progress over your training?”

My voice was calm and confident. “I know I’m not the strongest pony, but I look back at what I’ve accomplished and I can’t argue against myself, no matter how poorly I think of myself. I’ve killed a lot of ponies and survived a lot of wounds, but I’ve protected even more than I’ve killed. I think that’s the best measure of a soldier. Ironbright taught me a lot about myself and my limits over our trip to Canterlot, but I know I can learn more. I can be better and I will.”

The Elder continued with a blank expression. “What would you say is your best quality?”

I paused to think. “I would say my optimism, for lack of a better word. It’s been said that I can be hard on myself, and they’re right. But I don’t beat myself up just to feel bad or collect pity. Instead, it’s criticism, and a lot of it is constructive. It’s me being honest with myself, realizing my mistakes and learning from them. Sometimes, I make a lot of mistakes, and I spend a lot of time thinking about them, but I refuse not to learn from them. I’ve hurt my friends and made bad decisions, and sometimes things only worked out because I got lucky, but I don’t want to depend on luck, and I don’t want to hurt the ponies I care about. I say optimism because I’m always moving forward.”

“And your worst quality?”

Again, I paused to think. “Pride,” I answered. “Sometimes I think far too much about myself. About my own problems. I get so wrapped up in my mistakes that I don’t notice the other ponies around me. I don’t like it when others try to tell me I’m wrong; I’m the only one I’ll take criticism from. That’s not a good thing. But I work on that, too, to think more about others instead of worrying about myself all the time.”

“You can’t always improve,” the Elder said. “You can try and try to get better, but some of these flaws that you see in yourself are just who you are. What happens when you can’t change yourself?”

“I…”

“Could you learn to accept yourself?” I was silent. She continued. “Mares have been brought up a lot today, and your relationship to the mares around you. What if you hide the parts of yourself that you don’t change?” She paused like she expected an answer, but I couldn’t give her one. “About these mares, then. Cloud Chaser said that you don’t like to focus on sex, instead turning to love or protectiveness to make you feel better. But is it accurate to say that you truly don’t think about sex?”

Something wasn’t right about that question. “What does it matter if I do?”

The Elder leaned back in her chair. “You tell me. You pursue mares for a lot of different reasons. How big of a reason is sex to you?”

“It’s not,” I told her. My friends looked at me with tense expressions. I felt cornered.
“Really? You’ve never felt the need to protect a mare or even be nice to a mare in the slight hope that she might fall in love with you?”
“That’s love,” I answered. “Emotions are completely different.”

“How can it be love if you hardly know them? Love doesn’t work that way, Ebonmane.”
I felt angry. She was trying to make me admit that I was just as bad as the stallions I pretended to be better than, but it wasn’t like that at all. “Hold on,” I said. “What does this have anything to do with me being a Ranger? Are all Rangers supposed to be celibate or something?”

“Of course not,” the Elder replied. “This is about you. You know that you’re not as good as you think or act like you are. It’s clear to me that you know yourself very, very well, but ponies like you are the ones that lay the most elaborate delusions to live with their flaws. What happens when they’re exposed?” She held up the stack of papers in front of her. “These are accounts of everything you’ve been through since you met Cloud Chaser and Rosemary, straight from their mouths. They say a lot about you. That you feel terrible about your friend, Silver Bell? And how she was almost raped? What was it you once said? That you feel bad for being the same gender as the rapists? But why would that be? You’re not a rapist, unless your lust has more control over you than you admit.”
“It doesn’t,” I defended. My friends’ faces were pleading with me to say something to prove her wrong, but her case was looking strong, and then what? This wasn’t nearly the darkest parts of me, I felt, but she was touching on them. What would happen when they were all laid bare?

She continued. “What I’m really curious about is this part in the whore house. Something happened behind a closed door between you and one of the dancers. I know it did because you got very touchy whenever it was brought up. Did you take advantage of her?”
“No,” I answered, feeling a little more confident. I looked Rosemary and Cloud Chaser in the eyes, taking a deep breath before explaining. “She offered to… thank me for helping her. She started to, but I stopped her before she ever touched me. I couldn’t let myself do that to a mare.”

“Then why didn’t you explain that to Rosemary instead of yelling at her?”

“Because,” I sighed. I had to be honest. “Because I felt bad for letting it get that close. I was tempted, alright? Who wouldn’t be? And I know I’ll be tempted again, and I don’t know what I might do if I could justify it to myself. And that scares me, because I could do the wrong thing for all the right reasons, but that doesn’t make it okay. I could have taken advantage of that mare and said that she wanted it, and she did offer, but she wasn’t mine to take.”

“And these temptations?” she continued.

“Of course I’m tempted. By a lot of things, but sex… that’s a really easy way to hurt anypony, and one of the worst ways, too. That’s why it’s such a big deal for me. But I’m not going to hurt anypony like that, no matter how badly I want to, or how in love I think I am. Because I want them to love me, too.” I took a deep breath. “I want the first one to be the only one.”

“That’s a lofty goal,” the Elder commented. “Almost every young stallion who thinks that way ends up hurting the mare he’s with. You know that, right?”

“Yeah,” I said. “But I’m going to be sure before I let that happen.”

She shook her head. “Your friends are right about you. As Cloud Chaser said, you are an idiot. But when it comes to your love life, we’ll see if you can pull it off, like she believes you always do.” The Elder shuffled her papers. “All in all, your love life isn’t worth two caps to the Rangers. What matters is being honest with yourself. And you, young stallion, are a brutally honest pony.” I smiled. “That’s not always a good thing.” I stopped smiling. “One more question. What do you want to be when you join the Rangers?”

“I want to be a good soldier. I want to help others.”

“That’s it? Don’t you have any drive to be a commander? To gain enough influence to make a difference in Equestria?”

“I want to make a difference,” I answered. “And I want to be fit to lead, but I’m just a recruit. You probably don’t even know if I’ll ever be more than a Knight. If I do, great. But if I don’t, then that’s exactly where I belong.”

The Elder smiled. “Then let us call this hearing to a close.” She stood, Ironbright standing as well, Cloud Chaser and Rosemary following suit. The Elder stood before me. “I have heard the testimonies of your commander, your friends, and yourself, and believe that they come from the hearts of the ponies who spoke them, and represent their truest feelings. Based on this evidence, and my own opinions, gathered and formed honestly about you, I have made my decision. Kneel, Initiate.”

I bent my foreleg, lowering myself before the short Elder. “As Elder Hibiscus Tea of Applejack’s Rangers, and with the authority passed down to me by the spirit of Applejack herself, I would ask you to rise as Knight Ebonmane, and take your place under my command, doing everything in your power to serve Equestria and her people, until your spirit has departed your body, leaving only the memories of your deeds and goodness as an example to the future Knights of Equestria. Rise, my brother.”

I stood. I looked my friends in the eye. Cloud Chaser was beaming. Rosemary was wiping tears. Ironbright nodded to me in congratulations.

And my Elder placed her hoof on my shoulder. Its warmth spread in my body, and it weighed on me like my armor once did. But its pressure made me smile. It meant that I was a part of something now, and I had a chance to change things in the world, to protect others, and that I had a group of ponies who believed in me and who needed me.

But more than the weight of destiny or the warmth of acceptance, I felt yawning chasm of my future open up to me once more. My fate wasn’t any clearer than it was just moments ago, but now I could face the uncertainty in my future and within myself. Because I had a family, stronger than the one I was born to.

I looked at each of my friend’s smiling faces again, and I knew that the truest family I would ever belong to was fully assembled right in this room.