Edited by JimboTex

Kye woke up again. He was certain he was actually awake this time because it felt like someone had been using his brain as a bowling ball. He winced, stretched, yawned, got up off the couch and stood up, immediately cracking his head off the low ceiling.

Holy fucking horse bollocks, that hurt! He was knocked dizzy for a second and barely managed to stay on his feet. He squinted, massaging his scalp and looked around the room. The evidence of the drinking session from the night before littered the furniture—mostly the coffee table, the barrel and tankards still sitting atop it. The race suit he was still wearing felt like it was plastered to his skin, and he realised that he stank to high heaven. He wondered how ponies bathed, making a mental note to ask Lyra later.

He remembered the freaky fog dream with unusual clarity. Normally his night visions were rather evanescent, but the events of his typical work day being interrupted by the dark goddess were still fresh in his mind. He couldn't help but like the alicorn. Where her sister was regal, kind and often unintentionally terrifying, Luna was… effortlessly cool. Kye had wanted to spend more time on the cloud with her, but he’d woken up before he could request it.

He tried to remember the night before. He was pretty sure he’d made an ass of himself in front of his new friends—he just couldn't recall how.

A bright amber flash scorched the room as a smiling Lyra appeared out of nowhere in front of the coffee table.

“How you feeling?” the unicorn asked, as if she hadn't just scared the shit out of him.

Kye let out a yelp that turned into a curse word as he cracked his head off the ceiling again—this time he did fall. He never hit the floor though, as Lyra had caught him in a levitation field. The sharp pain in his head lessened slightly as she set him down on the couch, quickly trotting around the table and placing a hoof on his chest.

“I’m sorry—you okay?”

Kye’s minor annoyance vanished and was instantly replaced with self-consciousness, he really did smell bad.

“Err Y-Yea mm’ fine…”

She raised her eyebrows. “You sure? You look like a train wreck.”

He chuckled. “Well I could use a shower, that's if you guys have-”

“Upstairs, first door on the right. There should be a spare towel on the rack.” She beamed at him with her eyes closed, turning them up to form cute little arches.

Kye had a strong urge to kiss her. All aboard the nope train to Fuckthatville. He didn't want an ass-kicking this early in the morning. He forced himself to stamp on the urge with all his mental might, currently impaired or otherwise. He got to his feet, stooping slightly to avoid the ceiling.

“Thanks,” he shot at her as he bounded up the stairs.

He spotted the bathroom door just as it opened, a yawning Bon Bon emerging behind it. She noticed him and jumped slightly.

“Sorry,” he said tentatively said.

She just blinked at him before wandering off. Kye was relieved—her reaction was a lot better than he’d expected.

He stepped into the bathroom, noticing as he did so that it was pretty much the same as a human one, apart from the toilet being slightly lower. He quickly showered, drying himself with the towel, and finger-brushed his teeth.

Colgate? The toothpaste was exactly the same as the brand back on Earth, except it had a picture of a blue unicorn mare with an hourglass cutie mark on it. Kye had no idea how that was possible, but he was quickly learning to just accept all the weird shit that had happened lately.

He got dressed again, noting he would have to go see the clothing designer Princess Celestia had mentioned. Leather didn't make good casual wear, especially considering he now lived in a town full of ponies.

Coming down the stairs, Kye heard Lyra call from the kitchen. He followed the sound of her lovely voice. She was sitting at a round table with a floral print cloth and two cups of coffee on coasters on it. He sat down on a low chair next to her as she gestured toward one of the cups.

“The Apples’ cider is the strongest in Equestria.” She said, taking a sip of her levitating coffee. “You must feel like shit.”

“Little bit,” Kye confirmed, taking a sip of his own steaming beverage.

She threw a glance in his direction, a strange little smile on her face. “Well?”

“Well, what?” Kye said, flummoxed.

“You don’t remember?” she raised her eyebrows again.

Kye froze. Ohshitohshitohshit what the fuck did I do? He tried to think, but again he could barely recall anything. “Look, Lyra, if I did anything stupid last night, just tell me, okay?”

“Well erm... you kinda copped a feel, if you know what I mean.” She pointedly looked away, taking another sip of coffee.

“I WHAT?”

Kye was fucking mortified. His head was suddenly full of visions of his drunkenly wandering hands crawling on a protesting Lyra. He wanted to kick his own ass. Lyra must have noticed the horrified look on his face, because she quickly spoke up.

“You only brushed my ear slightly. It didn't even look intentional. The only reason I’m even bothering to tell you is so you don’t go around doing it to anypony else—that, and Bon Bon wouldn't shut up about it.”

“Your ear?” Kye let out a sigh. He was more than a little relieved.

“Yes, I know. It sounds silly because it is, but ears are off limits to everypony but herdmates and very close friends.”

“Whats a herdmate?” Kye asked, frowning slightly.

“Lovers, you know, stallionfriends, marefriends.” She smiled. “I keep forgetting you’re new here.”

“Do you have a stallionfriend?”

The question had already formed in his hungover mind and launched itself out of his mouth before he could stop it. Kye inwardly facepalmed. Stupid. Fucking. Toolbag.

She snorted out a laugh. “Hell no. Almost every stallion I've approached was shit scared of me; I might as well be a hydra. A few mares have asked but I ain't into the whole bi scene without a stallion involved to even things out.”

Kye almost choked on his coffee. She’d just talked about having a threesome like it was commonplace. Lyra gave him a confused look, then blinked.

“They don’t have herds where you’re from?”

Kye cleared his throat. “W-Well yea, but its usually just a male and a female…”

“Really? That seems a bit selfish.”

Now Kye was really confused. Lyra seemed to realise something as her face lit up with understanding.

“You do know there's a gender imbalance in Equestria, right? The mares are the dominant sex and outnumber the stallions around five to one. A lot of mares either share a stallion or just go for other mares because they can’t be bothered to fight for one.”

As soon as she’d said “dominant sex,” Kye had to suppress a rather raunchy image of Lyra standing over him, her horn glowing and an evil smile on her face. He quickly pulled his thoughts out of the gutter, remembering the other odd thing that had caught his attention.

“Share?” He gave her another confused look. “How does that work?”

“Well around three or four mares will claim a stallion, but it can be more. The alpha mare courts him first, then other mares ask the permission of the alpha mare to join the herd.”

“That seems a bit possessive,” Kye said, taking another sip of coffee.

“That's because it is. In fact, to some alpha mares, stallions are just trophies—tools to elevate status.”

Kye found the whole notion of what she had said to be utterly bizarre. He tried to picture humans acting in the same way and laughed out loud at the weird reversed gender role stereotypes playing out in his head. Lyra looked confused at his amusement, but smiled anyway.

“I’m sorry, its just that back on Earth its kinda the other way round, although not as extreme.” He chuckled. “Plus the gender balance is roughly fifty-fifty.”

She looked down slightly, setting her coffee cup on a coaster and unconsciously running a hoof over the tablecloth. “Must be nice.”

Kye wished he’d thought before he’d spoke. She was obviously lonely, what with there being hardly any stallions and most of them fearing her as they did. He couldn't imagine why they were scared of her, but it didn't seem like the best time to ask her about it. He thought about putting a hand on her back, wondering if it would be appropriate or not. She’d went rather quiet, so he eventually decided to just do it.

He heard the slightest gasp as he ran his fingers through her coat. It was much softer than he was expecting. Her eyes went to half mast and her breathing slowed. She had been quite tense, but was now relaxing somewhat. He moved his hand higher, unable to shake the feeling that he might have been pushing his luck, but also unable to stop himself.

Her ice blue and white mane had a silky smooth quality to it. She let out an audible gasp and both of her ears flicked in quick succession as he massaged the back of her neck. He paused, fearing a rebuke. After a few moments, she turned to look at him with a strange little smile.

Holy fuck, is she actually into this? Kye couldn't really read the expression—she could have been politely informing him to cut it out, or cautiously urging him to continue. He just didn't know.

He was a little annoyed when Bon Bon chose that moment to bound down the stairs. Kye quickly removed his hand before she entered the kitchen, somehow balancing all five of the tankards on her back.

“Morning,” the Earth pony cheerily said. She didn't even shoot a dirty look at Kye, instead busying herself washing the dishes in a sink not unlike the one in his old flat.

“You seem happy,” Lyra calmly said to her roommate, as if Kye hadn't been petting her a moment ago.

The Earth pony paused, thinking for a moment. She eventually turned to face Kye. “Look, Kye: I’m sorry for being so rude to you yesterday. It’s just that your appearance freaked me out a bit.” She turned back to continue washing up. “But after seeing how you are with Lyra...well, I get it that you’re just like us.”

Once she had finished washing up, she quickly poured a cup of coffee for herself from a nearby pot and joined them at the table. “Just make sure you don’t go feeling her up in public next time, yeah?”

The Earth pony gave him a smile—the first true smile she’d directed at him—and it was a rather devious one. Kye felt his face reddening. He was feeling an odd mixture of embarrassment and relief at her dramatic shift of opinion towards him.

“Don’t worry Bonnie, we've had ‘the talk,’” Lyra told her roommate. She seemed completely unaffected by the Earth pony’s words, and was beaming at her friend.

Kye didn't know what to say, so he changed the subject.

“Any chance of going to see Rarity? I don’t wanna be stuck wearing this thing,” he said to Lyra, gesturing to his race suit and throwing a nervous glance at Bon Bon. He didn't want to draw attention to the fact that he was still wearing leather, in case it damaged her new perception of him.

“Yea, sure.” Lyra beamed at him.

“Think she’ll have something that’ll fit me?” he asked hopefully.

“Oh gods, no,” Lyra laughed. “But she’ll be able to make something that will.”

They set off in the morning sunlight. It was scheduled to be blue skies all day, and Lyra couldn't help feeling overjoyed as she trotted alongside Kye. He was riding his motorcycle again—he really did love that thing.

Bon Bon had waved them off, even promising to have dinner ready for them when they returned. Lyra had a feeling she was trying to make up for her initial reaction to the human. Kye said he was good with vegetables—she knew he usually ate meat, but it was a rare commodity in Equestria since ponies were herbivores.

She thought back to their enlightening conversation and the physical contact that had followed. He’d obviously been meaning to comfort her by putting his hand on her back, but it hadn't stayed there. She had failed to mention the back of a pony’s neck was just as sensitive and “off limits” as the ears, but when he’d started working magic with his fingers in her mane, she sure as Tartarus wasn't gonna tell him.

She’d been close to diving on him—the only thing that’d held her back was the knowledge that he probably didn't know he was turning her on. Her ears had twitched involuntarily and he’d lost his nerve slightly. She’d hoped he’d get over it and keep going, but Bon Bon had clopped noisily downstairs to ruin her fun altogether.

Lyra’s annoyance hadn't lasted though; she was overjoyed when the Earth pony started to tease Kye about his antics the night before. She really didn't seem to fear him at all anymore.

They made their way through the town square. There weren't many ponies out, but the odd one or two shamelessly stared at Kye. They rounded a corner only to find a unicorn stallion and six glaring mares blocking their path—four of which were unicorns, one an Earth pony and one a pegasus. Coco Drop, the brown unicorn mare that had tried to blast Kye yesterday, was among them.

Lyra suspected this would happen. The Ace Chrome herd liked to think they were Ponyville's resident street gang, and were always getting into trouble for bullying ponies. Lyra found it hilarious that Ace had actually managed to convince his marefriends to pick a fight with her, even six to one they didn't stand a chance.

“Really? You're kidding right?” she asked them. Five of the them began trembling in fear and trying their best not to make eye contact but Coco stood her ground.

“That freak of nature doesn't deserve to live among ponies!” she snarled.

“Oh and I suppose you think you’re a decent enough pony to be the judge of that?” Lyra said rather sarcastically.

“That thing’s an abomination.” The unicorn was looking around at her herdmates, probably wondering why they weren't backing her up.

“So, how’d you figure that one out then?” Lyra asked the raging mare, she was rather enjoying herself winding the brown unicorn up.

“It's a talking monkey doing a balancing act on that weird contraption. It belongs in a zoo for Celestia's sake,” Coco angrily replied.

“Celestia herself doesn't seem to think so,” Lyra calmly said with a smile.

Kye suddenly spoke up. “Why do you all hate me so much?” He didn't look scared, just genuinely curious.

“Ugh, stop your freaky alien pet from speaking to me.” Ace shot at Lyra, finally deciding to speak in that pompous voice of his.

“I bet she fools around with it because she can't get a real stallion.” Coco chimed in, obviously meaning to cut deep.

Lyra was about to politely tell her to keep her opinions to herself when a loud roar pierced the air. The bike’s engine had started. Flames shot out of the back of it as it lurched, pivoting around its front wheel one eighty degrees and spraying all seven of the Ace Chrome gang with a large amount of dirt path.

The noise and sudden attack took them by surprise and all of them bolted, the pegasus shooting up into the sky and completely abandoning her herd. It took Lyra a moment to realise what had happened before she fell over, loudly laughing her flanks off. Kye gave her a wink and a sexy little smile as the bike came to rest with a loud hiss, the engine rumbling. Lyra got to her hooves, still chuckling. He’d well and truly put the little band of trouble makers in their place—she hadn't even had to cast a spell.

A little white unicorn filly with a curly two-tone pink mane and tail wandered over, probably to investigate the source of the noise. She didn't have a cutie mark, and was barely managing to maintain a green levitation field around a bottle of milk.

“Oh hey Sweetie Belle, your sister busy today?” Lyra asked the curious little filly now looking at Kye and his motorcycle.

“Nah she finished most of her orders yesterday, she’s just altering some design concepts before she goes to the spa with Fluttershy later. What is that thing?”

Sweetie Belle seemed more interested in Kye’s bike than Kye himself. Lyra was about to answer the little filly when Kye beat her to it.

“This is a Yamaha R1.” Kye gave her a kind smile and gestured to the still rumbling bike. He probably knew she wouldn't understand what he’d said but was obviously trying to humour the little unicorn. Lyra looked at the side of the machine and sure enough the word “Yamaha” was written in big black letters along the bottom and “R1” was written a little further up.

“Cool! Scootaloo said it made an awesome sound,” Sweetie Belle said to Kye.

“Yeah it does, doesn't it?” Kye chuckled.

Lyra was surprised at Sweetie Belle. She’d always known Rarity’s little sister was quite intelligent and more than a little independent for her age, but her confident approach in casually conversing with Kye as if she were talking to one of her friends was quite impressive. Where other fully grown ponies fled from his presence Sweetie Belle warmly welcomed the human.

Lyra introduced them before asking the little unicorn how likely it was that Rarity would be able to quickly throw something together for Kye.

“Hmm... Yeah, I think she’d do it. She loves a challenge,” Sweetie Belle happily replied. “Lets go ask her.”

She scampered off, the bottle of milk floating along in her wake as they followed her the rest of the way to the boutique.

Kye was lost in thought as he rode toward the big bright circular building up ahead. He and Lyra had been “ambushed” by no less than seven rather unfriendly ponies, and he’d been worried they were going to jump his pretty unicorn companion, even though she hadn't displayed an ounce of fear. Her courage had known no bounds, and she’d practically laughed at their attempts to intimidate them.

Then they’d got rather suggestive about what was still a touchy subject for him and Lyra, so he’d decided to perform one of his party tricks. One quick burst of throttle whilst locking the front end up and letting the rear swing round in a burnout was all it had taken to scatter the lot of them. Bunch of pussies.

They arrived at the odd looking building, Kye parking up and dismounting. The alarm chirped twice, the indicators flashing briefly as he pressed a button on the key and followed Lyra and Sweetie Belle into the girliest room he’d ever set foot in.

Everything was somewhat frilly and covered in hearts. Large pink drapes adorned the purple walls, a round table with a large flower design stood in front of three tall orange-framed oval mirrors. Pony mannequins littered the room, some displaying what even Kye could recognise as rather stylish pony attire. His eyes then settled on something that really caught his attention.

A stunningly beautiful unicorn was beaming up at him from the middle of the circular room. Her coat was brilliant white, while her exquisitely long feminine lashes framed the deepest of sparkling blue eyes that would put entire oceans to shame. She had a long purple mane and tail that arced around in graceful spirals. Her cutie mark shone from her flanks: three crystal blue diamonds that seemed to glint at him.

“Ahh, darling, I was wondering when you’d come to visit. Leather isn't the most comfortable of apparel to be wearing on such a sunny day as this after all.” The unicorn spoke in a sensual tone.

Kye was speechless; his jaw was practically hanging off his face. He was having a hard time getting over how attractive she was—it was almost unnerving.

“Think you’ll be able to sort him out with something a little less conspicuous, Rarity?” Lyra asked the beautiful creature as Sweetie Belle giggled at his reaction, setting the bottle of milk on a bench.

Kye noted a slight hint of annoyance in Lyra’s voice and quickly stopped himself from gawking. He glanced down at her; as he had halfway expected, she was still looking at Rarity with an unreadable expression on her face.

“Oh, it shouldn't be too difficult,” the gorgeous unicorn replied.

Her horn began to glow as a length of measuring tape on the table sprung to life in a matching shimmering blue aura. It quickly began wrapping itself around various parts of his body as Rarity trotted over to him, a quill and notepad appearing in a flash of blue light beside her.

He tried not to flinch too much as the beautiful pony trotted around him, happily babbling out measurements to herself and jotting them down as the door behind them opened, revealing a pretty yellow pegasus.

“Good morning Fluttershy, you’re early today,” Rarity said to her whilst making the measuring tape wrap around one of his thighs. Kye tried to ignore the tingling sensation that was perilously close to his gentlemen's area.

“Oh, well...um, I saw Kye’s bike outside and um...” She looked up at him, fluttering her wings slightly and squeaking out a barely audible “Hi.”

Kye smiled at her as Rarity finished her measurements and began assembling various rolls of fabric on a bench next to a sewing machine.

“Yes, he’s quite the celebrity around Ponyville, isn't he?” the fashion designer said, flashing him a smile that made him jump slightly.

A quill started sketching a design on a piece of paper and a pair of scissors began cutting sections out of a roll of fabric, whilst a thread of fibre weaved itself through the needle of the sewing machine. All were surrounded by the blue aura as Rarity turned to Kye, effortlessly maintaining the whole meticulous process behind her in a rather impressive display of skill.

“Now, I’m thinking of a nice black suit and dress shoes for formal wear. That’ll take a while, of course, but we can start off with a cotton shirt and denim trousers for more casual occasions.” Her eyes twinkled. “Oh, this is going to be fun! Do forgive me, but I rarely come across an opportunity to work with such a fine example of another species.” She fluttered her long eyelashes at him.

Kye shivered a little as he heard Lyra make a somewhat familiar sound that he could only describe as a nicker. Rarity looked at her and seemed to realise something. Kye glanced between the two unicorns. It was almost as if they were having some sort of telepathic conversation he wasn't invited to be a part of. Fluttershy broke the silence that had suddenly crept into the room.

“Um...do you guys wanna come to the spa with us?”

Kye thought it was a rather bizarre question to ask considering the sudden unrest, but it seemed to have a positive effect.

“Why, Fluttershy, that’s a wonderful idea,” Rarity said as she broke the stare she had going with Lyra and beamed at the pegasus.

“Do you agree Kye?” the gorgeous unicorn asked him, putting him on the spot a little.

“Er...I...” He quickly glanced down at Lyra and was rather surprised to find her looking back up at him, a rather devious smile on her face. She then pointedly looked at Rarity and spoke.

“We’d love to, wouldn't we, Kye?”

Kye was lost—one moment they’d been glaring daggers at each other, and now they were all suggesting a little get-together at a spa. He hadn't the foggiest of ideas what was going on, so he just agreed.

“Uh, yeah, I guess.”

“It’s settled then,” Rarity said, levitating a black T-shirt and a pair of jeans she’d just finished creating from behind her and floated them in front of him. Kye was impressed: it hadn't taken her five minutes.

“Now, take off that leather garment you’re wearing and try these on.”

“Um...t-the what now?”

Kye was taken aback at the sudden request for him to disrobe in front of them, and then he realised with a look of horror that ponies didn't normally wear clothes and probably expected him to be just as comfortable as they were in the nude. He attempted to explain, but it didn't help that Rarity was giving him a rather seductive smile.

“Well...uh, you see...err...” He absentmindedly raised a hand to the back of his head. “Humans don’t normally take their clothes off i-in front of um...others.”

Rarity looked confused. To his utter dismay, Lyra and Fluttershy were gazing at him with similar expressions.

“You wear clothes all the time?” the fashion designer asked him, an odd little grin on her face.

“Well...yeah. Where I come from, it isn't really socially acceptable to wander around naked.”

“Ooh, ooh! I've got an idea!”

Kye looked around for the source of the cute little voice and saw Sweetie Belle jumping up and down. He’d quite forgotten she was there. She ran behind one of of the drapes lining the wall and pulled out a large yellow screen with several pink stars surrounding an outline of Rarity on it. A rather large gemstone was embedded in the top.

“Ahh, yes. Of course, the changing screen! Well done, Sweetie Belle, you clever little filly.”

Rarity beamed at her little sister then looked at Kye expectantly. He grabbed the shirt and jeans, walked behind the screen, and quickly changed as fast as he could. The clothes fit him perfectly, and he was relieved to finally get out of his race suit. He pulled his boots back on and emerged from behind the screen to find the three mares and the little filly gazing at him. Sweetie Belle giggled.

“Magnific!” Rarity exclaimed.

“Um, thanks, Rarity...I don’t really have anything to give you-” Kye began, but the unicorn immediately cut him off.

“Darling, I wouldn't dream of charging given your recent traumatic experience! Accompanying us to the spa will be more than enough.” She smiled at him again.