Login

Twilight Manages to Screw Up More Than Usual

by Fire Gazer the Alchemist

Chapter 5: Who Needs Food Anyway?

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

Twilight groaned when she finally came to. Her eyes lazily opened, and she found her head was resting on her desk. Early morning sunlight shone through the eastern window of the library, landing directly on her face. Groaning with the weariness that comes with waking up, Twilight blinked a little. She moved to lift her face off the wooden table, and found that there was a sheet of paper stuck to her face with what could only be dried drool.

The realization violently jolted Twilight awake, and with a spasmodic burst of magic she flung the paper from her face, chanting “eww, eww, ewww!” while doing so.

When that episode was behind her, Twilight calmed down by taking a deep breath. Curious to see what time it was, she turned her head to the clock, only to find that it was unbearably stiff. She cringed slightly, and brought her good hoof up to rub the sore spot to alleviate the discomfort. Her efforts turned out to be in vain, and her neck remained stiff as a board.

“Geeze, how long did I sleep at my desk?” Twilight wondered aloud. It must’ve been a long time. In order to glean the time, she turned her whole body. The analog clock resting on the wall read that it was just past noon. Twilight was about to turn away when the full realization came to her. “Wait, noon? How can it be noon? When… what… how…?”

“Twilight?”

Swiftly turning around, Twilight found herself staring at Spike. He was poking his head up from the stairs, a slightly concerned look in his eye.

“Yeah?”

“Did you pass out at your desk?”

Twilight sighed. “Yeah.”

Spike trotted up the last few steps, and cautiously approached her. The look he bore on his face matched the amount of concern. “You really shouldn’t stay up all night like that.”

“Well I had to since apparently somepony was too good to help me count every speck of dust in the room!”

“That idea was ridiculous and you know it!”

Twilight sighed, which turned into a yawn halfway through. “Well it doesn’t matter, the information I received will prove invaluable when I use it to fix the Elements.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Yeah, because dust has so much to do with ancient super weapons of mass harmony.”

“Well, when you put it like that…”

“...it sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn’t it?” Spike raised his eyebrow expectantly.

Twilight was about to retort, but was cut off by her stomach rumbling. “Guess I should probably eat breakfast… er, lunch.”

Spike nodded. “You’ll have to go into town to eat something though, I haven’t had time to stock up on any food for the library’s kitchen.”

“Really? We’ve been here for a couple of days. What have you been doing?”

“Sleeping.” Spike grinned. “It’s been great. You haven’t needed my help in days, so I’ve kinda been having a vacation."

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Well, don’t get used to it, I guess.”

“No worries, Twilight. I’ll go shopping while you’re out getting lunch."

She stood up and limped over to the stairs. “I’ll see you later then.” Before she went down the stairs Twilight froze upon remembering something. “Spike, if you get anything from Princess Celestia, can you leave it on my desk?”

“Uh… yeah, sure. Why–”

“I’m expecting her to send me everything she knows about the Elements of Harmony,” Twilight elaborated. She climbed down the steps. “So if you get anything, anything at all, then just leave it for me, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Twilight finished hobbling down the stairs. While her sprained hoof was certainly feeling better than it had been just a few nights ago, she still wasn’t comfortable placing any kind of weight on it. The splint was at least helping with that, but it was making life awkward in many other ways. Just walking down the steps of her staircase was a hassle; the splint seemed to threaten her with the possibility of slipping with each step. When she finally did make it to the bottom, she breathed a sigh of relief.

Once she made it outside, Twilight looked around. Her stomach grumbled again, redundantly reminding her of her mission to find food. Unfortunately for her, she had no idea where to find a restaurant around town. All the buildings looked the same to her, and the few times she’d ever gone to any of them she’d been led around by her acquaintances in the dark.

Twilight sighed and prepared herself for a lot of limping around aimlessly. That’s when a familiar voice

“Grr, stupid bag!”

She attempted to turn her head to the source of the noise, forgetting her stiffness for a moment, and failed. Rotating her whole body instead, she became face to face with Derpy.

“Hey, Twilight,” she panted, wiping sweat from her brow. She bent down and grabbed onto a brown, overstuffed satchel and gave it a ferocious tug.

“Hi, Derpy.” Out of confusion, Twilight tilted her head – and subsequently cringed, realizing what a mistake that was. “What are you doing?”

“My job. I’m a mailmare, remember?”

Vaguely, Twilight could recall something about mail when they’d first met. “I guess?”

Derpy sighed and let the straps of the mailbag fall to the ground. “I guess I can’t blame you for forgetting. There was that whole eternal night debacle at the time we met.”

Twilight nodded, grateful for the understanding. “So… you’re doing mail stuff now?”

“Trying too. I’ve kinda got myself into a pickle.”

The mention of pickles caused Twilight’s stomach to rumble, reminding her of her mission. “You… uh… you don’t say?” She inched away, anxious to end the conversation and find a restaurant.

“Yeah,” Derpy continues, oblivious to Twilight’s intentions. “I forgot to look at the address before I left to deliver all these scrolls.”

“Wouldn’t the address be on the letters normally?”

“You’d think so, but these scrolls are all addressed to the same pony, and the one that said who they’re for kinda… got left at the post office.” Derpy gave a sheepish grin. “By accident, of course.”

“So? Just go back and get it.”

“I can’t! If my boss finds out I Derped this up, he’ll make me take a leave of absence. He already thinks I can’t do anything because of my wing.”

Twilight tilted her head. “Derped? What’s that about?”

Bright pink flushed onto Derpy’s cheeks. “I-it’s nothing.”

Her eyes narrowed, and she was about to press for further information when her stomach rumbled again. “Well, uh, best of luck with that, then. I better find a place to eat.”

Derpy blinked, happy that the subject had been changed. “You could always stop by Bon Bon’s shop.”

Memories of falling into puke danced across Twilight’s vision. “Uh…”

“Relax, I won’t be there to make you throw up.” Derpy smiled at her playful teasing while reaching down for her mailbag.

“All right then,” Twilight tentatively agreed. She waved goodbye to Derpy and set off for Bon Bon’s confectionary shop.


Bon Bon’s Confections was at a lull, which was odd considering the time of day. Twilight assumed this would be rush hour, given that it was lunchtime. Then she realized that most ponies would prefer to eat in an actual restaurant rather than a sweet shop. Nevertheless, she still went inside, knowing no other places to get food.

The first thing she noticed upon entering was somepony was playing beautiful music. She opened the glass door to find a soft melody whispering through the air. For a moment, her brain was in analytic mode as she deduced the instrument to by a lyre from the sound of tightly wound strings being plucked in conjunction and the way the sound carried through the room. That soon melted away, allowing her to enjoy the way the tune sounded. It was happy and upbeat, but not very fast, almost like the musician was hesitating to play at her fullest. Even so, she couldn’t help but enjoy it

Suddenly realizing that she had more senses than just hearing, Twilight blinked and looked around, hoping to find the source of the music. Sitting at a stool near the counter, a mint green unicorn held a golden lyre, her magic plucking at the strings to elicit the melody. Twilight recognized her immediately.

“Lyra?” Twilight regretted speaking the second the word left her mouth.

The music was cut off abruptly, as Lyra let out an “eep” of surprise. Her lyre was launched into the air as she flinched. She reached out and grappled with it, her forelegs flailing desperately. After a short struggle, Lyra managed to cling to her instrument, and hug it close to her body. She whirled around in her stool, and her eye lit up in recognition.

“Uh… hi Twilight.” Lyra brushed part of her mane from her face. “H-how much of that did you hear?”

“Not a lot,” Twilight admitted. “But I’m sorry that I interrupted! It was just… wow.”

Lyra perked up. “Oh, thanks.” She gestured to an empty stool next to her. “Wanna have a seat?”

“Sure.” Twilight walked forward.

Suddenly, Lyra’s eyes widened. “Oh wait, be careful!”

She froze. “What?”

“We just finished mopping up your puke, so it’s probably a little slippery.”

Twilight looked down at the floor and saw a thin layer of water coating the floorboards. She turned her focus back to Lyra, and mindfully walked towards the stool. “You should really put up a wet floor sign or something.”

“Bon Bon just went to grab one. I figured I’d practice while I had a free moment.” Lyra set her instrument on the counter before her as Twilight sat down. “So what brings you here?”

Twilight’s stomach chose that particular moment to rumble loudly. “That would be the reason for my visit.”

“Well, you know Bon Bon doesn’t really serve anything besides sweets, right?”

Twilight moved her splinted hoof behind her head. “Yeah, but I really don’t know of any other places to eat around town.”

“Well you can’t live off of junk food for the rest of your life. I should know, I tried once.”

Twilight’s eyebrow arched. “Really?”

Lyra giggled. “Yeah, when I was eight. Can you just picture me as a filly, but pudgier than a pig from eating too much pie?”

Twilight found herself able to vividly picture what that would have been like, and broke out laughing. “That’s -- haha -- yeah, that’s pretty funny.”

“Well, you should be fine as long as you don’t end up like me. Though if you want, I can show you a few good places to grab a quick bite around town a little later.” Lyra gave a hopeful smile.

Considering the offer, Twilight remembered her research. “Maybe. If I can set aside some time from my work, at least.”

Lyra rolled her eyes a little. “Geeze, you and your work.” She fiddled with her lyre.

“What’s the matter with my work?” Twilight asked defensively.

“You’re letting it control you. It’s not healthy, Twilight, even less so than only eating sweets.”

“Everypony’s getting so worried about my research!” Twilight fumed, crossing her forelegs. “I’m trying to fix the Elements of Harmony, for pony’s sake. What, do you expect me to just ignore it or something?”

“No, but I do think that--” She was cut off by the sudden kicking in of the door. Both mares whipped their heads over to the front of the shop. Standing in the doorway, was none other than Vinyl Scratch.

“Hey Lyra. Hey Smart Mare.” Vinyl trotted forward. “You guys know if Bon Bon is here? I’m hoping she’s got a cake on hoof or something because I am starv-- oh holy crap!” Vinyl’s hooves slipped out from under her as she touched down on the wet floor. She landed on her side with a thud. “Ow.”

“You all right?” Lyra asked, hopping from her stool and bending over to help Vinyl up.

“I’ve suffered worse,” Vinyl said as she struggled to regain her composure. The fall had knocked off her sunglasses, so with her magic she stuck them back on her face. “You guys should really put up a wet floor sign or something.”

“Working on it.”

“Fantastic. You got any food?”

Lyra rolled her eyes, but smiled. “Bon Bon might have something lying around. We’ll have to ask her when she gets back.”

“Cool.” Vinyl took the stool right beside Twilight. “So what dragged your snout out of the books?”

“Six glowing super weapons in my living room,” Twilight replied.

Vinyl paused, thinking for a moment. “Oh yeah, that did happen.”

“Did you ever figure out why they did that?” Lyra asked, taking the seat on her other side.

“No, and I must’ve run a hundred calculations, too.” Twilight sighed. “I’m still no closer to figuring out how to fix the Elements than I was yesterday.”

“Well, it did happen right after our group hug, do you think that had anything to do with it?”

Twilight paused for a second, considering Lyra’s idea. “No, I highly doubt that.”

Lyra pressed her lips together in disappointment. “Oh, okay.” She returned to fiddling with her lyre.

“So, you still haven’t given up on those Elements of Hernia, yet?”

Twilight groaned, and tried to face Vinyl. Her neck still didn’t want to turn, so she moved her whole body. “Harmony, Vinyl. And no, I haven’t. How could I?”

“Right, right. Magical destiny, ruined your life, blah blah blah. I’ve heard it before, Smart Mare.” Vinyl propped her head onto her hoof. “You want to know what I think?”

“You think?” Twilight asked.

Vinyl snorted. “Cheeky. But seriously, I think I’ve found out what your problem is.”

“The fact that I single-hoofedly ruined the most powerful artifacts in Equestria?”

“Worse!” Vinyl exclaimed, a tad over dramatically. “Smart Mare, you hate fun.”

Twilight paused for a second, considering Vinyl’s idea. “No, I highly doubt that.”

“No, no, I’m serious here. It’s not just that you didn’t like the club last night; I have literally never seen you in a cheery, fun-loving mood.”

“The only times we’ve hung out were during Nightmare Moon’s return, or during an unwanted interruption to my vital research,” Twilight pointed out.

“And now?” Vinyl gave a smug look at Twilight’s not so cheery, fun-loving mood.

“Uh, I’m hungry.”

“A likely excuse,” Vinyl mused. Twilight stomach rumbled noisily. “A very likely excuse.”

Sighing, Twilight looked to Lyra. “Do you know how much longer Bon Bon will be?”

Lyra shrugged. “I have no idea.”

“Great.”

Three pairs of ears suddenly perked up at the sound of the door opening. Each turning, they saw Octavia standing in the doorway.

“Hey, Tavi. Care to join us?”

“Not really,” Octavia replied. “I’ve just been looking for you. Derpy stopped by our apartment with a huge bag of scrolls wondering if they’re for you.”

Vinyl slammed both her hooves on the table and whooped with joy. “Yes! I’m finally getting fan mail!”

“Actually, no you’re not.” Octavia walked in allowing the door to shut behind her. “They weren’t even addressed to you.”

“What? Then why did you even bother to tell me? My hopes were up, Tavi!” Vinyl raised her hoof above her head to display the up-ness of her hopes. “Up!”

Octavia rolled her eyes. “Sorry Vinyl, but I told you because-- Wah!” Her hoof slipped on the wet floorboards below, sending her flailing onto her back. Twilight and Lyra both flinched at the sound of the impact.

“Are you all right?” Twilight asked, trotting over to help Octavia up.

“I’m fine, but somepony should really put up a....”

“...wet floor sign. Yeah, working on it.” Twilight stood Octavia upright.

“Thanks. You know, I didn’t expect to see you out of the library today.”

“I got a little hungry,” Twilight admitted. They carefully stepped over the damp floor towards the stools. “But I’m going right back to it once Bon Bon can get me something to eat.”

“You’re not going to throw up again, are you?”

“As long as Lyra and Vinyl don’t double dip again. Or if Derpy eats another mixture of my hair, saliva, and brownies.”

Vinyl snorted. “You’re almost as prissy as, Tavi.”

Octavia’s eyelids narrowed, and she slapped the back of Vinyl’s head. “So do you honestly plan to spend all your time frivolously researching the Elements of Harmony?”

“Only if Celestia actually sends me the information I need. Perhaps I should have Spike write up another request note in case.... wait, frivolously?”

Octavia cringed, and sucked air through her teeth. “Well… you…”

“We all think you’re wasting your time,” Vinyl interjected, earning another slap to the back of her head.

Twilight glanced from the two mares in front of her to Lyra at her side. All three gave the same look of hesitant agreement. “Great. Just great. You know what girls, I’m not wasting my time, all right? Fixing the Elements is the most important task in all of Equestria right now, and I’m not about to give it up just because of a few naysayers.”

Vinyl smirked. “Ha, neighsayers.” She received a third slap, and Twilight distantly wondered if all this trauma was giving her brain damage.

“You know what? I think I’ll forgo lunch today; I have to get back to my research.”

“Twilight…” Octavia said. “Don’t do this.”

She turned and walked towards the door.

“Twilight, wait!” Lyra suddenly called out.

“No, I-- Ah!” Twilight felt her hooves slip out from under her when her splint caught the slick ground. Her entire body was flung upside down as she crashed on the floor. “Owww.”

Just then, Bon Bon walked in. She drank in the scene before her in a mere second. “Oh,” she said, holding up a plastic, yellow caution sign. “I guess this is a little late.”


Twilight huffily walked away from the confectionary. After the other mares helped her up, she returned to storming off, and she hoped her annoyed tone would mean none of them would follow her.

“Stupid acquaintances,” she grumbled to herself. Why can’t they see I have to fix this? Those stupid Elements have ruined my good standing with Princess Celestia, and uprooted me from my life at Canterlot! How am I supposed to leave this town with any sort of dignity if I never find a way to make everything right again? Twilight considered this for a moment. Well, I guess when I do leave it would mean that I’d never see them again… but what do they care? We’re just acquaintances, and after all, I… I have my research. Her thoughts were interrupted by a series of grunts.

She attempted to whirl her head around, but found that her neck was still too stiff to move. Instead, she moved her whole body, and saw, for the second time today, Derpy dragging along a satchel full of mail.

“Hey Twilight,” Derpy said when she saw her. Dropping the bag, the gray mare wiped the sweat from her brow and took a seat on the ground.

“Hello again, Derpy.” Twilight gave it some thought, and eventually decided to take a seat next to her. “Still having mail troubles?”

“Yep.” Derpy gave her bag a soft kick. “Still having neck troubles?”

Instinctively, Twilight put a hoof next to her sore neck. “How could you tell?”

“It’s kinda obvious, the way you cringe every time you try to turn your head.”

“Oh.”

Neither spoke for a moment. Then, “You want me to fix it for you?”

“Huh?” Twilight gave Derpy a look.

Shrugging, she said, “I was a masseuse's assistant before I was a mailmare. I know a few things that might loosen up your neck.”

“I don’t know…” I probably should just go back to my research now. Though my neck will be a nuisance...

“You don’t trust me, huh?”

“What?” Twilight blinked. “No, I trust you. I just--”

“Cool, then turn around.” Derpy twirled her hoof to encourage Twilight.

“Huh?”

“If you trust me, then turn around and let me fix your neck.”

Twilight realized there was little hope to talk Derpy out of this, and submitted, exposing the back of her neck to her. It took only a second for Derpy’s hooves to begin rubbing.

“So you look a little upset,” Derpy noted. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No I… oh, that’s the spot.” Derpy pressed down harder, alleviating tension. “But anyway, it’s nothing. I just got a little mad at some of my other acquaintances.”

“Oh, you mean the girls?”

Twilight nodded. “Yeah… they said my research was frivolous, and that I’m wasting my time.”

Derpy rubbed the top of Twilight’s spine. “Seems a little rude; what did you do?”

“I got mad and stormed off.”

“That sounds like a silly thing to do.”

“Silly?” Twilight snapped, not in the mood to be put down anymore.

“Well yeah… I mean… your research is important to you, and they should've respected that, but it just seems like such a minor thing to get so uppity about.”

“I guess…” Twilight exhaled with delight as the stiffness in her neck melted away. “Oh wow… that’s it.” Derpy’s hooves left her neck. Twilight turned around. “Thanks.”

“No problem. So about the girls…”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Maybe you should talk it out with them a little. I’m sure they’ll understand if you just explain everything to them.”

“I’ve tried explaining, but for the most part it seems to go in one ear and out the other.”

“...You could try not yelling.”

She was about to roll her eyes, but thought better of it. “I guess I can give it a chance the next time I see them.”

Derpy smiled brightly. “Hooray! Glad I could help.”

“Yeah, I guess I owe you now.”

“Well, you could help me by finding out where these letters go.” Derpy kicked her mailbag again. “Seriously, who would put the royal seal on nearly two hundred scrolls, but not one single address?”

Twilight’s eyes bulged. “Royal seal?” Derpy nodded. “They must be from Princess Celestia!”

“The tribalist princess?”

Sparking her horn to life, Twilight levitated the first scroll she could out of the bag. Ripping the seal off, her eyes tore through the lines of cursive. She gave a giddy laugh. “They are! Derpy, these are from the Princess! She’s finally sent me some information on the Elements of Harmony.”

“Oh… congratulations.” Derpy shoved the mailbag in front of her. “So all of these are yours?”

“Yes!”

“Good. Take them.” Derpy smiled. “Just uh… be careful. They’re kind of heavy.”

Her horn ignited once again and Twilight levitated each letter out of the bag. “Thanks, Derpy. I’ve got to get back to the library. This new research might just help fix the Elements!” She started to walk away.

“Wait,” Derpy called out, causing her to stop in her tracks. “What about talking to the girls?”

“Oh yeah… I’ll do that later. Bye!” She dashed off.

Derpy shook her head, watching Twilight leave. “Well, at least the mail's taken care of." She retrieved her bag from the ground and trotted off.

Next Chapter: The Klutz Estimated time remaining: 7 Hours, 10 Minutes
Return to Story Description

Login

Facebook
Login with
Facebook:
FiMFetch