Author's Notes:

Let's get dangerous...

“So, who’d fight better against aliens? Radiance or Fili-Second?” Button Mash asked.

“Radiance,” Twist replied. “She’d be able to build a shield protecting Maretropolis from lasers.”

“Meh,” Button said. “Fili-Second would defeat aliens before they even appeared.”

“Yeah, right... And maybe she’d manage to buy a cake at the same time?” Twist muttered, taking a sip of orange juice and looking around Button’s room. There were lots of games there as well as toys and action figures, but what really made Twist come to Button was his large, some would say enormous, collection of comic books, which he of course called “graphic novels.”

“Admit it,” Button said. “Fili-Second is just better.”

“Said the guy who wrote a shipfic with Hum Drum and Radiance’s little sister.”

Button’s face became pale. “H-how do you know?”

Twist shook her head. “You shouldn’t have given it to Silver Spoon.”

“She likes that pairing...” Button muttered.

“Yes, but she finds your fetishes awful...” Twist replied. “Really, Button? Really?”

“Hey, ponies do that...” Button reached for the candies standing on the table. Before he could take one, Twist grabbed his hoof.

“Where did you get them?” she asked.

“Umm... I’m not sure,” Button muttered, scratching his head. “I think your sister gave them to me...”

“Don’t eat them!” Twist exclaimed. She grabbed the candies, opened the window and threw them away.

“Why not?” Button asked. “I’ve heard that your sister eats foals, but I always thought that it’s an urban legend. Like in that Power Ponies story about tentacled monsters in the sewers...”

“It was an unofficial story. Doujinshi, as they call it in Neighpon. Silver Spoon wrote the script.” Twist said. “The thing is...”

“Silver?!” Button exclaimed. “And you say my fetishes are weird?”

“Shut up, Button. The thing is, my sister’s been weird recently. She still mutters something about zombies. She sits in the basement all the time, making experiments on foals she kidnaps from the orphanage... I think there may be something wrong about those candies...”

“Like, the fact that Tootsie Flute just bit through Pipsqueak’s carotid artery to get those you threw away?” Button asked, looking through the window.

Twist froze. “So, it began...” she muttered. At the same moment, a dramatic thunder roared behind the window.

“What began?” Button asked, his eyes still focused on Pipsqueak, who was slowly bleeding out in front of his house, while Tootsie Flute bounced away with the candies in her mouth.

Twist looked deeply into his eyes. Just when he started to worry about her, she spoke, “There’s a reason why I don’t eat candies my sister offers to me. There’s a reason why I prefer not to bond with other ponies. There’s a reason I carry this in my saddlebags...” She went to her saddlebags and took something from them. When Button looked at it, his eyes widened in awe.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“It’s my death ray,” Twist replied. “I made it out of empty beer cans, lego bricks, some crystals I bought from Sweetie Belle for Lyra’s stash of hentais, old electronics, and rubber bands. By the way, do you have some rubber bands? They tend to snap when it overheats...”

“There should be some in the drawer,” Button replied. “M-may I ask you a question?”

“You just did,” Twist said. “But yes, you can ask a question.”

“If you knew that your sister was going to do something funny with those candies, why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“And lose an occasion to stop her and save the world?” Twist asked, checking out the trigger of her death ray. Then she took a piece of wire and connected the weapon to her glasses.

“Umm... Isn’t it a bit sociopathic?” Button asked unsurely. “Like, if you told somepony, we’d stop her long time ago...”

“Meh,” Twist muttered. “Have you ever seen a comic like that? A villain must do something villainous before they’re stopped. Otherwise they’re not a villain.”

Button nodded. He couldn’t argue with that logic. “What’s that for?” he asked, pointing at the wire connecting the death ray with Twist’s glasses.

“Automatic aiming system,” Twist replied. “A special sensor looks for the traces of chemicals my sister used in her candies, thus labelling zombies and helping me shoot at them.” She looked at Button. “Do you have anything you can use as a weapon?”

“Umm...” Button went to his bed and took a guitar from under it. “Will it do?”

Twist facehoofed. “My sister is not Tirek, Button,” she said. “She can decline a rock-off challenge...”

Button shrugged and took the guitar anyway. After all, it could be useful. For example, he could play a funeral march if things went wrong.

“Okay,” Twist said. “Now we only have to get to my sister’s house. No fighting with zombies, no side quests... We need to stop her.”

Button heard something clicking in his head. It was probably his common sense. “Wait... Maybe it’d be safer if we stayed here? I guess Twilight Sparkle and her friends are on it...”

“Do you want to be a hero?” Twist asked. “Remember that the heroes get all the fillies...”

Button’s common sense gave up. “Mom!” he shouted. “We’re going for a walk!”

“Okay,” Button’s mom said. “Watch out for those weird ponies outside. They didn’t seem friendly.”

“I know, mom...” Button said and followed Twist.

“Nopony in sight...” Twist muttered, looking around. “By the way, the HUD in my glasses also records your blood pressure, so I know that you’re staring at my flank right now...”

“Sorry...” Button replied, trying to look somewhere else.

“No problem,” Twist said. “We have only twenty percent chance of surviving, so you can stare if you want...”

“Thank you... Wait, what?”

“Nothing,” Twist replied innocently. “Button, watch out!”

Button ducked immediately. A laser bolt flew inches from his head, and hit a zombie who was just about to bite his head off. The zombie exploded, which wasn’t unusual, since all the water in their cells changed into steam in a split second.

“Who was that?” Button muttered, realising that his coat was now full of some bloody chunks. He fought an urge to vomit. After all, if they managed to survive, he’d surely deserve a kiss.

“Not sure...” Twist muttered. “It’s hard to guess from those pieces... But I know her...” She pointed at a filly who was quickly approaching. Button looked at her and thought that she still looked cute, despite having a pair of enormous fangs and a set of nasty-looking wounds oozing green goo.

He didn’t have time to stare at her for too long. Another shot from Twist’s death ray cooked her brain, causing her skull to explode. The rest of the body tried to charge at them anyway, only to be blown to pieces by the second shot.

With a wet “splash!”, something hit the ground in front of Button. He looked at it and realised that it was a really healthy-looking liver. Then he started to think how many games he could buy if he managed to bring it to the hospital.

“I’ve never liked her,” Twist said, blowing smoke off of her death ray. “She said my glasses looked stupid.”

Button’s trail of thoughts changed. Now he was thinking about all things he’d ever told Twist. He hoped that none of them were offensive. He really liked his flank and didn’t want it to be evaporated.

On their right, something exploded. Twist looked there and saw one of the houses engulfed in lavender flames. Another spell barely missed some small zombie running away and set another building on fire.

“Seems that Twilight is on it,” Button said. “Hey, Twist! What are you doing?”

“I’m not going to let her steal my kill...”

Tootsie Flute looked around. Then she looked into the candy bucket hanging from her neck. Candies she’d gotten from Pipsqueak were inside. Lots of candies. Pipsqueak didn’t protest when she took them. He was only making funny noises trying to stop blood from flowing out of his neck.

She saw Twilight and Rarity following her. Twilight and Rarity were bad ponies. They wanted to steal her candies. They were setting houses on fire just to steal her candies. Tootsie Flute didn’t want anypony to put their hooves on her candies.

Tootsie Flute hid in the ruins, wondering where her friends were. Some of them went to Sweet Apple Acres, but Tootsie didn’t follow them; there were still plenty of candies she could collect in the town. Also, some ponies were still there.

There was only one thing Tootsie Flute liked more than candies. For some reason she didn’t exactly understand, she suddenly found that brains tasted really good. Pipsqueak’s brain was sweet, with a delicate scent of caramel. Berry Punch’s brain tasted like wine. Tootsie still was feeling a bit funny after eating it.

“She’s there!” she heard a voice behind her. She turned back to see a baby dragon running towards her. Spike. Tootsie really liked him. She was even going to send him a card on Heart’s and Hooves Day. She started to wonder what his brain tasted like. She looked at him in awe, watching him preparing to breathe fire at her.

Suddenly, Spike exploded, splattering gore around and leaving only a pair of smoking feet on the ground. Tootsie’s eyes widened. She felt that some remains of his brain matter landed on her face and started to lick them off. It tasted like wasabi.

The smoke dispersed and Tootsie saw Twist standing in front of her, staring at some strange-looking device she was holding in her hooves. She also saw Button Mash standing next to her, muttering something like “he got into your shooting line.”

Tootsie didn’t like Twist since that memorable Hearts and Hooves Day, when she’d stolen Truffle Shuffle from her. Of course, it didn’t take long before she got him back. After all, she managed to eat his cerebellum and half of his legs.

Now Twist was aiming her weapon at her. Before Tootsie could react, she pulled the trigger...

“Clop me...” Twist muttered, opening a small lid on the side of the death ray. “Button, can you give me a rubber band?”

“No time for that!” Button shouted, seeing Tootsie prancing towards them, showing all her teeth in a wide smile. He noticed a bucket full of candies on her neck. There were some green ones among the sea of red. One thing he knew for sure: he didn’t want to know what’d happen if she ate one of them. He grabbed Twist’s tail with his teeth and started to run away towards the HayDonald. The windows were smashed, but the building looked intact.

Tootsie was about to chase them, when she heard quick hoofsteps coming from her left. She turned her head there and saw Twilight Sparkle and Rarity running towards her, charging their horns.

Tootsie didn’t think for long. She grabbed a green candy with her teeth and crushed it with them. Her body started to shudder. Just when Twilight lowered her head to attack her, Tootsie suddenly vomited a few gallons of green acid. Most of it splashed on the alicorn’s shield, though some ricocheted, leaving a nasty scar on Rarity’s flank. Twilight darted to her right, colliding with Rarity and causing her to scream in pain. Before they managed to get up, Tootsie was running towards the HayDonald.

“Do you think we’re safe here?” Button asked, watching Twist as she removed the melted remains of a rubber band from the death ray and put on a new one.

“No, but it’s a perfect place to set a trap on her,” Twist replied, hiding behind the counter. “You’d better hide somewhere. If the ceiling collapses...”

“You know?” Button asked. “I just wanted to go to the toilet...”

“Seems that she’s not gonna hurry...” Twist muttered. “Do you want a roll in the hay?”

“What?” Button raised his eyebrows. He felt that it wasn’t the only thing that raised, but he preferred to keep that fact to himself.

“A roll in the hay...” Twist rolled her eyes. “We’re in the HayDonald, right? Do you know how they call a roll in the hay in Prance?”

“I’ll go to that toilet...” Button muttered. He trotted downstairs – due to lack of space, the toilet in Ponyville’s HayDonald was in the basement. He looked around, trying to be as quiet as possible. One of the stalls was locked. At first Button wanted to only use the urinal, but then he thought that it could be the only occasion to do all the kinds of businesses he could do there. He opened the door to the second stall and sat on the toilet.

Suddenly, somepony knocked at the stall door.

“Twist?” he asked. “Go and watch out for Tootsie! I can’t focus when you’re here!”

Somepony knocked at the stall wall. Button’s eyes widened. He looked at the wall unsurely and heard some heavy breathing coming from the other side. He also heard some wet sounds and scratching against the plywood. The stall wall started to lean towards him.

Button thought that it was a good idea to go to the toilet. Just at the moment when the plywood started to give up, his system decided that it was high time to drop some load to make escape easier. Button gulped and reached for the toilet paper. To his horror, he realised that there wasn’t any. Through the cracks in the stall wall he could see some enormous, grey matter trying to reach of him.

Whatever it was, it was wounded – part of its legs had been eaten, leaving only shards of bone. Button thought that even if they were healthy, the creature would find it hard to move – it was large and swollen, like some grotesque pony-shaped balloon.

The plywood wall finally gave up and Button saw the whole creature. “Oh, fuck me...” he muttered, thinking, a bit too late, that who knew, maybe it was the monster’s target. “Twist? Twist! Help!” He rolled off the toilet bowl just before a massive hoof smashed it to pieces, spraying him with what he hoped to be water.

The monster opened his mouth. It was much bigger than a pony’s mouth should be. The stench of rotting meat almost caused Button to lose his breakfast. He darted forward, sliding on wet tiles. “Twist!” he screamed, when a gigantic hoof stood on his tail and began to pull him slowly towards the mouth.

He heard quick hoofsteps and from his position on the floor he saw Twist’s legs. She stood in awe, her jaw dropping. “Truffle Shuffle!” she shouted. “I knew it was a good idea to dump you...”

“It’s Truffle Shuffle?!” Button exclaimed. “Do something! Please!”

“I can’t shoot him... I’m afraid I might hit you...” Twist said, lowering her death ray.

“Shoot!” Button screamed. “It’s better than dying that way...”

“Are you sure?” Twist asked, tears in her eyes.

“Yes!” Button replied. “He’s gonna digest me!”

Twist closed her eyes and aimed the death ray at Truffle Shuffle. Button wanted to point out that it would be easier to not accidentally shoot him if she opened them, but then he heard a faint sound of a snapping rubber band.

“Frak!” Twist exclaimed, looking at her useless weapon.

“I’m so dead...” Button muttered, feeling that Truffle Shuffle picked him up and was about to swallow him.

“Not yet!” Twist shouted. She grabbed the death ray and threw it at Truffle. He released Button and swallowed the weapon before Button hit the ground.

“Run!” Twist screamed. Button didn’t think twice. He darted forward, hearing some weird sounds behind his back; something between a hiccup and a leaking pipe. He looked at Twist and saw that she was also running away. He climbed upstairs behind her and tackled her just before Tartarus broke loose.

The explosion demolished half of the restaurant’s floor, broke the remains of the windows, knocked the table on Button’s head, and sprayed them both with Truffle’s entrails and their contents. They rolled on the floor, trying to shield themselves from debris.

Finally, everything silenced. Button slowly opened one eye and saw that Twist was still hugging him. Before he could react, she wrapped her hooves around him and kissed him. Suddenly, he felt very uncomfortable and started to regret that he didn’t take any clothes with him. He was sure he was poking her with it.

“We’re alive...” Twist whispered, smiling at him. “Oh Celestia...”

“Yeah... So, what now?” Button asked.

“Button?”

“Yes?”

“You smell like shit...” Twist replied, scrunching her nose.

“Thanks...” Button deadpanned. “What are we gonna do now? We lost our death ray...”

Twist stood up, checking if she wasn’t wounded. Luckily, she was only slightly bruised. “I guess we’ll have to look for something... Maybe Pinkie Pie would lend us one of her devices?”

“Yeah...” Button muttered and looked through the window. “We’d better use the back door... Twilight Sparkle is still there...”

“Spike!” Twilight screamed, collapsing next to the dragon’s feet. She was sobbing openly, completely ignoring Rarity, who had her own problems.

“My flank!” Rarity cried. “I’m going to have a scar on my flank! This little brat burned off a half of my cutie mark! What will I do now?”

“Dunno, wear a dress?” Twilight shouted, banging her hoof against the ground. “Don’t you get it, Rarity? Spike’s dead!” She rolled on her back. “How am I supposed to send a letter to the Princess now?”

“No!” Rarity sobbed, burying her face in her hooves. “Now she can’t come to save us...”

“That’s why we need to do that ourselves,” said Twilight grimly, getting up from the ground. “We need to find the rest of the girls and figure out who is behind that infestation...”

“Yes, but... Where are they?” Rarity asked. “We can’t walk around the town looking for them... Those little curs can now spit acid...”

Suddenly, they heard a loud shriek, which ended with a sound of something heavy hitting the ground. They looked around and saw a pegasus flying over Sweet Apple Acres. The pegasus dived and soon reappeared, carrying a filly in their hooves. After reaching a high altitude, the filly plummeted to the ground. Twilight winced when she heard the sound a body makes when dropped from sufficiently large height to a sufficiently hard surface.

“I think we found Rainbow Dash...” Twilight muttered, seeing that the pegasus was diving once more.

“Maybe Applejack’s with her...” Rarity added.

“Hope that she wasn’t the first one to be dropped...” Twilight said. “You know, I wouldn’t want to face Applejack or Dash if they ate those candies...”

Rarity froze. For a while she just stood there, her eye twitching. “Sweetie Belle!” she screamed and darted forward towards Sweet Apple Acres.