"You really need to work on your sales pitch."

"Why? What the fuck is wrong with it?"

"Well, for starters," the Unicorn began, sweeping an annoyed look around her cart, "you basically just told our last customer that you were going to stick a banana in her rear-"

Delirious fell to his haunches and crossed his forelegs, "Horse shit. Bitch was lying."

"Whatever the case may be, I still had to give her a complimentary bushel, and that's about three bits down the drain."

Delirious waved a hoof lazily in the air, blowing a raspberry as he turned toward his friend.

"What about you, man? My sales pitch is fucking godly, right?"

Vanoss paid Delirious no mind, his eyes fixated solely on the ground a thousand yards away, his hoof slowly feeding him a banana that he munched on in silence. Finally, with the Pegasus' blue eyes staring utterly into his soul, Vanoss sighed heavily, his right hoof still remaining on his cheek as he leaned against the stand, "Look man, all I know is that we're not getting jack shit for customers. Just look at these guys!" he said, sweeping the area in front of them with a free hoof, "not even looking at us! Just moving their asses down the street, not wanting a single banana!"

He slammed his right hoof into the stand, the yellow Unicorn mare behind Delirious jumping slightly.

"It sickens me," he added in a hushed tone.

"Well, maybe we should advertise or some shit. Y'know, like those poor assholes who have to stand out in the cold with their Statue of Liberty costumes on," Delirious pitched, rising from the floor, "go all Liberty Mutual and shit."

Vanoss rolled his eyes, turning his head toward his friend, "You wanna be that poor asshole in a Statue of Liberty costume, Delirious?"

"Well, I uh-"

"Didn't think so. Hey, Banana Bus-"

"My name's Banana Split, actually," the mare interrupted with a raised brow.

"Whatever," Vanoss said, waving a hoof in the air, "we need an idea. Anything you can think of?"

The mare scratched her chin idly, pondering, "You two do know you're working for, like, minimum wage, right? I can't really afford to pay two criminals-"

"Criminals? Do you know who the fuck you're talkin' to bitch?" Delirious asked, pointing a hoof at his chest, "I am Aych Two Oh motherfucking Delirious."

"I've heard better names from my foals. Who the hell names themselves after a sickness?" Banana Split asked with an aggravated tone, watching as the masked Pegasus glared at her in complete silence. Ignoring him, she continued, "Besides, you two are considered criminals from what I saw. Unless, y'know, if back where you guys are from, murder to the Enth degree along with practical terrorism is considered something a foal would do."

"Well, back where we're from, killing is just part of a normal day, you can't go walking down your neighborhood without some guy driving by and shooting up your friend's car with a minigun," Delirious replied, sighing with a hint of nostalgia, "Goddammit, I miss it."

"What. You miss getting your ass handed to you by a monkey in a track jacket and getting rejected by hookers on the street?"

Delirious' turned his head to Vanoss, who still sat munching on his banana calmly. Delirious blinked rapidly, as if attempting to understand what his friend had just said. Getting up off the floor, he menacingly stalked toward Vanoss, who continued to eat and stare out onto the street silently. Leaning toward him with one eye shut and the other wide open, Delirious began, "...the fuck you just say to me, bitch?"

"You heard me, Delirious. Now take a fucking chill pill, we don't wanna fuck up Banana Bus' banana cart, do we?"

Delirious' eyes narrowed to mere slits as he replied grumpily, "Fuck you. Fine," and crossed his forelegs, adding, "but say that shit again and I'm stabbing your ass."

"Fuck you Delirious-"

"Would you two stop acting like foals? You're worse than my kids. Maybe even twice as smelly as well..."

"Hey, I took a fuckin' shower yesterday!"

"It was probably at your railroad track-side house. You ever get that bike fixed, Delirious?"

The Pegasus turned his head and jabbed at his friend, "There's a fine fuckin' line, man-"

Someone cleared their throat behind them. Turning their heads, they found Banana Split, an angry scowl on her face and a small hint of anger in her voice as she growled, "Listen you two. Stop messing around, alright? Colgate recommended both of you; she's been a friend of mine since grade school. But the way you've been acting, I'm sure she was wrong in doing so. If you can't get your act together, you're both fired!"

The mare sat, breathing heavily as she stared daggers at the two stallions, her anger with them growing along with her volume as she progressively yelled.

Vanoss and Delirious sat in utter, shocked silence, gawking wide-eyed at the yellow mare who could only glare back. Still standing, Vanoss delivered a quick punch to Delirious' foreleg, the Pegasus cursing loudly as he rubbed the sore appendage with a hoof.

The two sat in their own silence for what seemed like hours, before Vanoss rubbed the back of his head, coughing, "Well, fuck, Delirious-"

"No thanks."

"Shut up. We're gonna have to work together if we wanna get some fucking money, Delirious. I know how hard it can be to not kill someone for that long, but goddammit you and I are gonna hafta fuckin' deal with it."

Delirious looked up at him, his forelegs still crossed in annoyance.

"Fuck, man-"

"No thanks," Vanoss said with a smile.

"Oh fuck you," Delirious replied, pointing a hoof at him. The appendage falling back to the ground, he remained this way for two heartbeats before speaking. "Fuck. You know what, man?"

"What's that?"

Delirious got up, looking at him. The frowning mask peered down to the ground, a low sigh escaping the pony within. The mask looked back up, staring into the brown eyes of Vanoss, who eagerly awaited what his friend was about to say.

"Y'know what?" he repeated, cocking his head, "one of these days, you're gonna fuckin' kill me."

His hooves grabbed at his stomach, emerging with a metallic baseball bat.

Vanoss tensed, reaching for his carbine rifle....

....and watched as the bat clattered onto the ground, rolling away in a grass-muffled silence. Looking back up at Delirious, Vanoss couldn't help but open his mouth in shock, attempting to speak, only to be interrupted with an unusually calm, hushed voice.

"We need money. Bad. I need to fuckin' eat, and I sure ain't lettin' hard work get in the way of that shit. I'm willing if you are, Vanoss."

The Earth pony couldn't believe what was just said.

Delirious stuck his hoof out to his friend, and asked, "Whaddya say, partner? Let's make some fuckin' money together."

Vanoss gazed at the hoof, his face screwed up in the manner of a teacher attempting to understand a babbling, idiotic, psychotic, murderous student with a hockey mask strapped to his face. Finally, with a smile, he threw his hoof out to meet, and the two shook hooves in the daylight, smiles on their faces and criminal intent practically absent for once in their lives.

It seemed that everything was absolutely peaceful.

Absolutely.

Peaceful-

"Alright then, you two, now that you're done making up, let's get some work done. Vanoss, I need you to put those glasses away. They make you look like a plothole," Banana Split ordered, facing the Earth pony, who saluted quickly and placed them atop his head. Turning to her left, she looked at Delirious, who sat waiting obediently. "Delirious, we need to talk about your mask," she began, turning tail and opening a box with her hooves, "I need you to put this on. This one won't scare the kids as easily."

In her hooves was a hockey mask, exactly like Delirious' with its snow white color scheme, but the pattern on it horrified Delirious, the stallion furiously biting down on his lip as he saw Vanoss watching him in the corner of his eye, brow raised in anticipation and curiosity.

A large, red pair of what appeared to be eyebrows were painted atop the mask's eye-holes, with streaks of lightning-like shapes on the sides.

Delirious looked at the new mask in complete silence, blinking, as still as a statue.

The summer birds chirped.

The wind blew by.

The clouds above continued onward.

Suddenly, without a single ounce of warning, he smashed his hoof into the mask, knocking it to the floor and causing the yellow mare previously holding it to stagger backward with a yelp of shock. Not even giving the visor ample time to so much as bounce off the grass, Delirious angrily reached toward his stomach and pulled out an assault rifle, quickly pulling the lever back and aiming at the mask, pulling the trigger as he screamed at the top of his lungs, the smell of lead filling the air as the mask almost completely vanished from existence under him.

His assault rifle clicking empty, he stared at the grass in silence, lowering his rifle as the smoke cleared.

The mask appeared to him, its surface completely riddled with bullet holes, and ruined beyond any kind of repair.

Holstering his rifle, he looked back up at Banana Split, walking up to her quietly, a large, almost inhuman glare upon his brow. Standing in front of her for a single heartbeat, he suddenly shoved his hoof in front of her face, leaning toward her menacingly as he spoke.

"Don't you ever fucking think about that, you fucking bitch. Not for one. Fucking. Second."

"Whoa, calm the hell down Delirious. It's not like she's asking you to get a fuckin' sex change-"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Delirious mocked, coyly tilting his head as he turned his attention to his friend, "here. Lemme fuckin' get it, my bad." Reaching a hoof down to the ground, he held the straps of the mangled mask high in the air for all to see, its countless bullet holes still smoking from the barrage of bullets it had taken. Dangling it like a keychain, he held the visor in front of his face, now completely incapable of doing so one hundred percent, only succeeding in covering up less than half of his face.

"There, is that better? Huh?" he asked. Only receiving glares in response, he chucked the mask to the ground and kicked it, sending it flying next to Vanoss, who leered at him.

"Delirious, what the fuck? Stop being a dick-"

"No! Fuck this banana cart, fuck Miss Banana Bitch here," Delirious yelled, ultimately turning to his friend and looking at him, "and fuck you, Vanoss. I'm fucking done."

And with that, Delirious turned tail and faced the rest of the marketplace, who still stared at him in utter shock at his explosive violence. Staring back at them, he watched as they slowly went back to their daily schedule, peering back up at him once or twice as he remained standing there. Suddenly, something blinded him in the corner of his eye. Looking down, he found the sun dancing off the surface of his baseball bat. Not even bothering to look behind him, he bent over, snatching the blunt weapon in a single hoof and holstering it. Flicking his tail, he looked to his left and to his right, and promptly chose left.

The sun's rays beat down on him as he walked along the street, the heat of the celestial being bearing down on him. Though the sweat on his brow and the shakiness in his step told him that he was thirsty, he continued onward, wanting to put as much space away from the banana stand as he could.

No fucking way.

Not in a million years would he have ever gone through with that decision.

Delirious ignored the ponies that watched him as he went on his way; past the stores, past the marketplace, past the town hall, eventually finding himself crossing the bridge that led out of town, head hung low, but brow forever furrowed. Glaring down at the grey brick, Delirious growled loudly, kicking a stone and launching it clear across the bridge, the low sound of it landing in the grass confirming his suspicion. Remaining like this for two heartbeats, Delirious blew a raspberry, turned right, and trotted over to the railing, leaning over it as he watched the river beneath him flow in silence.

The Pegasus sat like this for a long while, his brain wracked with nothing, but filled with millions at the same time.

Vanoss was his friend. Sure, they killed each other a lot, and both were almost complete dicks to each other, but they were still friends. Friends stuck with one another, and Vanoss had not stuck with his friend this time. He had chosen money. Greed. He had chosen to remain by a mare he barely even knew's side, intent on selling items that he only talked about as a joke.

Delirious sighed at his reflection, his frown remaining, but his anger subsiding into sadness.

The mask, the one thing he loved, the one thing he was known for, frowned back at him.

Slowly, something appeared next to the mask, an orange figure with a hat.

The figure stared into the river for what seemed to be hours, before she spoke, "Y'all feelin' okay, Sugarcube?"

Delirious gave no response at first, but finally uttered, "Y-yeah," turning around and straightening himself. "I'm fine."

Applejack raised an unbelieving eyebrow, staring blankly at Delirious as he stared back.

"Now listen Delirious. Y'all may not know this 'cuz yer new an' all, but Ah'm the Element of Honesty, and true to its name," she said, before leaning toward the Pegasus, eyes squinted, "Ah sure as heck can find out if somepony's lyin' ta me. Now, what's the matter, Sugarcube?"

"There's nothing wrong, you fucking bitch."

Applejack reeled back, barely an inch, a frown on her face. She was about to open her mouth to protest at his insult, but he surprised her with a simple sentence.

"I'm sorry."

Applejack blinked. "Where's Delirious and what have ya done with him?"

"Funny," Delirious replied, a bit too sarcastically as the mare smiled at him. Suddenly raising a brow, Delirious leaned to his right, eyeing the large wooden cart connected to the mare by a red saddle. "What the fuck's that thing? Some kinda juicer?"

Glancing back at the cart, Applejack shook her head lightly, "No no no, Delirious. This is mah apple cart, Ah'm 'bout to head into the marketplace to sell some, since the whole meetin' with Twilight's through with." Watching as Delirious stood silently, she asked simply, "Y'all wanna come with me?"

Delirious snickered, holding a hoof to his mouth as Applejack rolled her eyes.

"What are ya, three?"

"N-no, heh, I'm two." Delirious replied, a smile on his lips.

"Offer still stands, Sugarcube-"

"Yeah, fuck it. Why not. Can we just stay away from the west side, though?"

The mare raised a brow, but decided not to question it, "Don't ya worry, apple cart's in the central area, over by Sugarcube Corner. C'mon, let's get goin' before the day's over an' done with, alright?"

Delirious grinned, "Yeah, let's fuckin' go."

"And while we're at it, y'all could tell me what's the matter," Applejack began, walking in front of Delirious as he stopped midstep. Looking back, she added, "don't think Ah forgot about that. Ah ain't gonna let nothin' bother no friend of mine. C'mon."

Delirious seethed, cursed, and groaned, but ultimately, finally, picked up his hooves and began to trot after the mare as the sun began its descent.

Author's Notes:

Fun fact: The original title for this chapter was Bros Before Bananoes.

Also, please tell me if you enjoyed this chapter, as I myself do not find it exactly up to scale. I haven't written for this since November, and it'll help me get back into the swing of things again. Hope you enjoyed, nevertheless. I plan to update once every week, on Friday or Saturday, if not the former. This chapter was a special for you all.