"Oh yeah... ooooooooh yeah bitch."

"Dude, you hear that?"

"Yeah! We're close."

The two teenage colts looked at one another, mischief in their eyes and springs in their steps as they stalked through the alley, stealing glances at one another as they advanced toward the couple who were doing the naughty.

The one in front gave a snicker, turning his head to look at his unicorn friend behind him, the shade from the buildings to their left and right almost camouflaging him and his black coat. Opening his mouth, he gave a low whisper, "Dude, we're getting closer!"

His friend mouthed an "I know," in reply, before he motioned forward with his head, causing the colt in front to sigh in annoyance and turn his head, his attention refocused on their destination. The air that was currently reaching them was musky and hot, as if they were living down in the desert-scorched Badlands to the south. Combining that with the almost non-existent amount of sunlight that reached them, they were almost sick to their stomachs. But, with that, the smell came.

And oh Faust, the smell.

"Blazer, who do you think it is?"

Blazer stopped at a corner, placing his right hoof on the brick wall and peering around it as he replied, "Hell if I know. Could be the Cakes for all I know-"

His friend gagged from behind him, "Ech, do we really wanna be following if it's them? They sell us our buckin' pies for Faust's sake."

"So? You don't think Mrs. Cake is hot?" Blazer asked, turning his head.

"God no!" he practically yelled, throwing his hooves over his mouth in retaliation. Reverting to a whisper, he added, "Are you bucking serious-"

"No! Just, uh, just forget it!" Blazer stuttered, eyes looking from left to right in panic.

The two sat in silence for what seemed like ages, until his friend broke it with a simple, "Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

Silence.

"You're bucking weird, no wonder you don't have a marefriend-"

"Look man!" Blazer snapped, bearing his teeth, "you don't have one either! That's why we're buckin' doing this in the first place! Now shut up, and follow me."

Blazer waved a hoof over to his friend as he turned the corner, beginning to trot down the long alleyway. His unicorn companion stepped lightly with him, and before they knew it, they were at the corner of where the couple was.

"So Blazer?"

"Yeah Sky?"

"I think I already have a situation going on-"

"Dude! What the hell?!"

Sky flailed his two front legs in the air, his brow raised in alarm, "Blazer! Shut up! We're gonna get caught!"

"Oh man, this feels so fuckin' good girl..."

Blazer turned his head back to Sky, "They're right around this corner."

"Lemme go first-"

"I'm the one who followed them here, I go first."

Ignoring the subtle, "Fine," from his friend, Blazer took a deep breath, not wishing to disturb the couple in favor of not being discovered. Slowly turning his head around the corner, he found the end of the alleyway, completely shrouded in darkness. Raising a brow, Blazer's ears perked up at the sound of, "FUCK YES. FUCKIN' DO IT GODDAMMIT!"

Biting his lower lip, he looked toward the dark, narrowing his eyes in an attempt to look for any sign of movement. Finding none, he felt the familiar sensation of sweat dripping down his forehead. Looking every which way, he turned his head back toward his friend, who perked up at his notice. Shaking his head toward the alley, Sky lit up his horn, and a sudden, bright green glow emanated from the tip.

The two stared at each other, nodded, and turned the corner, the green light illuminating the dead end of the alleyway.

The two bore mischievous grins, expecting to find two ponies doing the dirty, expecting privacy.

Instead, the green light cast an admittedly creepy glow upon the figure of a light blue pegasus, a white, permanently frowning mask placed over his face. Sitting on his haunches, his right foreleg was preoccupied, moving forward and back rapidly above his groin.

"Sup bitches."

The two teenage colts screamed.

Out of the alleyway and into the blinding sunlight they fled, both colts diverging from each other and stopping on the adjacent walls, breathing heavily. Staring forward, they found the sight of ponies who were calmly going about their day, some in particular instead stopping to stare at the colts, who stared right back as they hyperventilated from what they had just seen.

Their stomachs rising and falling with each breath they took, they turned toward each other, neither making a movement to even so much as talk.

Suddenly, a pegasus stepped out of the alleyway next to them, nonchalantly staring forward into the street. Slowly, he turned his head as if on a swivel to look at both colts, before he suddenly fell to his haunches, reaching toward his crotch and summoning a baseball bat out of thin air. He raised the end and patted it against his free hoof.

"Y'all better leave nowww!"

"Ahhhhh!" the colts screamed, sprinting as fast as they could onto the streets, turning a left and running toward their homes.

The pegasus stood there, chuckling to himself as he holstered the bat, the weapon disappearing completely as Delirious began to walk out into the middle of the road, blue eyes squinted in the broad daylight as he searched for something to do.

He felt odd, standing in the middle of the street as incredibly easy vehicular fodder, visibly unaware of everything else around him as he looked every which way for anything, anything to entertain him.

Falling to his haunches, he crossed his arms and groaned in annoyance, his blue eyes staring into the cloudless sky.

Sighing, he released his grip on both his arms, allowing the appendages to fall idly to the floor as he lamented, "Goddammit, why the fuck is it so fuckin' boring here?"

It had been a couple hours since Delirious had left the hospital, the doctors telling him that he would need to rest to allow his wings and his body to heal up from the Timberwolves that had attacked him. Quite frankly, Delirious didn't give a fuck, having discarded both wrappings of gauze immediately after leaving the front doors of the hospital in favor of his own being. The mares he had met were all too happy to guide him around the town, but he had instead told them he could handle himself. Despite not approving of his bandage removal, they left for the purple one's library. In the middle of their conversation while leaving, Delirious had overheard the word treehouse while they discussed their destination.

It was simple. Delirious made it a personal goal of his to avoid any such treehouses, so as to not run into any of the admittedly annoying mares.

And that was one thing he would do.

Sighing once again, he sat idly in the sunlight, his tail twitching involuntarily at the first sign of sweat that began to drip down his forehead. He seethed, not wanting to take off his mask to assess the situation, and instead opted to stand by in utter silence to pass the time.

He didn't exactly want to blow up anything in the town just yet. There wasn't much to go by on terms of explosive destruction.

Yet.

Delirious fell to the dirt by his hooves, splaying his legs out like a ragdoll as he lay there, baking like a stuffed turkey in the practically burning sun.

Not to imply that he's fat or anything.

And then, suddenly, without warning, was his escape, his redemption. The sound of mass applause and cheering met his ears, which perked up at the catching of the crowd-gathering sound.

"Fuck yes!" he yelled, scrambling to his hooves, "finally! God, I was so fuckin' bored! Thank God, man!"

Sprinting toward the noise, he turned a corner and found a large crowd that could rival any of his car-band's concerts, their absolutely amazing rendition of Mary Had A Little Lamb aside. Popping his neck, he trotted into the crowd of ponies, all but shoving them out of his way as he attempted to make it to the front to have a better viewing position of the show.

"Move you fuckin' bitch! I'm tryin' ta see here!"

Ignoring the pained cries of anger that resounded after every push and part of the ponies, he found himself at the front. Turning his head to look at the other ponies in his row, he found the five mares he was trying to avoid standing next to him, along with a small purple dragon who sat in awe-inspired silence as he stared straight. The orange one was the closest to him, her green eyes turning his way before she suddenly called above the deafening cry of the mass, "Howdy Delirious! Come ta see the show too?"

Delirious raised a brow, suppressing the growing urge to place an explosive on the ground right and there, replying, "Fuck yeah, sure. What the hell's happenin'?"

"Can't quite say fer sure, Sugarcube?" she replied. Turning her head to the cyan one next to her, she asked, "Y'know what's happenin' here, Rainbow?"

The pegasus shook her head, yelling back, "Be quiet AJ! It's starting!"

The orange mare looked back to Delirious, giving him a sly smile and a shake of her head, "Well Sugarcube, beats me. Might as well wait and see then, huh?"

Delirious gave a silent nod, brow narrowed in suspicion. Gazing toward the stage, he noticed that it was nothing notably unique. It was a simple, but large wooden square, with a pair of red curtains extending to the middle from either side and concealing anything that may have been hiding behind it pretty efficiently. In the middle of the stage was something that struck him as really, really weird, however. A single white post stood idly, a large gate attached to it, swinging in the low wind and creaking loudly.

"What the fuck...?" Delirious wondered, voice trailing off as the curtains suddenly began to part ways.

A flurry of excitement suddenly emanated from the large crowd that had formed, ponies left and right proclaiming their not being able to wait for the performance. The curtains stopped.

And in its wake stood a red Earth pony, black sunglasses covering his eyes as he smiled at the audience, who were quite frankly losing themselves at the stallion's appearance. Standing like this, observing the roaring audience, he pushed a hoof into his black and white mane, the spiky, swept-back hair following the appendage and snapping back to their previous spots.

Emblazoned on his flank was a white symbol, two letters next to each other in an admittedly awesome font, the V and G shining brightly on his flank, a contrast to his entirely red body.

Delirious let his mouth droop a little bit as he groaned, "God fucking dammit..."

"Sup guys!" he suddenly yelled, a single hoof waving toward the crowd.

Delirious' eyes darted to the stallion, and then to the gate, and as he heard the Earth pony yell out a simple introduction, they darted back to the performer.

"Now, if I could have a volunteer to come up onto the stage for my next trick-"

A roar from the crowd resounded yet again, hooves left and right raising high into the sky at the stallion's request.

"Alright! Uh, you! The girl with the rainbow hair! Come on up here!"

"YES!" Rainbow yelled, flaring her wings and flying onto the stage. Looking at the stallion with a sly grin, she shook his open hoof, "Name's Rainbow Dash."

"Well Rainbow, go behind the gate, alright?"

"Alright!" the mare said, trotting around the stallion and looking at him from behind the post, "what now?"

The stallion gave a toothy grin, stepping in front of the gate, "what I want you to do, is stand up against the post where it meets the gate."

"Okay..." Rainbow replied, doing as she was told. Leaning up against the post, she made sure to place a foreleg over the gate as well. Turning back toward the stallion, she looked at him expectantly.

"Alright!" the performer shouted, turning tail and facing the crowd once more, "are you guys ready?!"

A flurry of agreement rose from the crowd in a deafening roar, the stallion onstage raising a hoof to his ear and smiling coyly. The crowd's volume increased in response, to the point where Delirious found himself shaking his head to drown out the ear-bleedingly loud cries, his involvement as part of the crowd making it so much more worse to bear. Looking back to the stage, he screwed his eyes and focused on the stallion, who struck a pose as he waited for the ponies to calm down.

Delirious' eyes darted once again from the stallion, to the gate, and then to Rainbow Dash, and then back to the stallion.

"Oh shit."

"Okay everyone!" the stallion announced, waving his hooves in the air, "prepare to be astonished!"

As he turned tail, approaching the gate, Rainbow Dash raised a brow in confusion, biting her lower lip.

The stallion trotted into the gate, the crowd watching him barely a low hush as they observed his actions in silence. The suspense could kill, even before the masked pegasus in the front could so much as pull out his baseball bat.

The Earth pony calmly walked into the gate, and suddenly flew into the sky, disappearing into the clouds with a loud yell of fright.

Delirious, staring to the sky, allowed his eyes to widen to almost impossible levels, his mouth creaking agape in kind as he sputtered out a hushed, almost unnoticeable question.

"V-Vanoss?"

Author's Notes:

And then there were two! Everyone, welcome Vanoss to the Equestria Crew! Not sure if I nailed him quite as well as I did Delirious though. Tell me in the comments!

Despite the new addition, I don't feel very strongly about this chapter. I feel like something is off, but y'know what? I'll let you guys decide that! Thanks for everything guys, you've made it a blast to write this! Keep 'er Goin!