Delirious awoke with a jump, his head snapping up, only to be met with a large sliding metal door. Cursing loudly, the Pegasus rubbed his head vigorously, as if hoping to wipe away the pain. Feeling it lessen ever-so-slightly, he groaned, shook his head, and adjusted himself in his bed.

Or, well, what he thought was his bed.

Looking down, forelegs raised to waist level, Delirious now realized where he was sitting in. Leaning over, he picked up the skin of a banana, raising it to eye level and watching as it dangled in front of his face. Narrowing his eyes, he brought his leg in about halfway to his chest and promptly flung the peel, listening to the wonderful sound of it hitting the side of the dumpster.

Groaning yet again, he scrambled toward the exit, lit only by the lunar object hanging high above him in the night sky. Hooves resting on the lip of the trash can, he took a second to figure out where he was, breathed in, and vaulted out, making sure to avoid banging his head on the wall for the second time that night. Landing on all four hooves, he gave a small smile and turned his head, attempting to discern his exact location.

A boring, brown, wooden wall met his gaze, with only a single lamp producing light on his left and at the corner. Deciding that the light most likely led to the entrance, he began to walk toward it. Turning the corner, his suspicions were confirmed. Stepping onto the wooden platform of the entrance, he lifted his gaze upward and saw the hanging sign from the bottom of the awning.

Looking to his right, he found the doorway and trotted over to it, wondering why anybody in their right mind would name a bar The Bearded Mare. Throwing a hoof out, he pushed it open with his foreleg. Door open, he stood at the entrance like this, the disgusting smell of sweat and booze mixing in with the smell of cigarettes and smoke. God he fucking hated the smell of cigarettes. Crinkling his nose, he walked in and immediately felt glass by his hooves.

“Shit!” He cursed, stepping back onto the welcome mat as he held the victimized appendage. Bringing his right foreleg to eye level, he sucked in a breath as he instantly noticed the large shard of glass sticking out of his hoof. Sighing, he fell to his haunches and coiled his other hoof around the end nearest him. Bracing himself, he yanked the shard out, throwing it against the wall to his left in a fit of anger and annoyance.

Glancing down at the bleeding hoof, he bit his lip and reached to his crotch with the other, unaffected leg. Without a word, and only a small curse, he tore the Egochaser’s packaging with his teeth, spat it out, and began to chew on the energy bar in the entryway of The Bearded Mare. Finishing only half, he brought the previously scathed hoof up to his eyes and smiled, watching as the skin rapidly began to heal up.

Shaking it as if he had a hangnail, he dropped the energy bar onto the ground and began to scan the tavern for what he assumed needed to be found. Seeing only unconscious bodies of strangers, he looked toward the hanging ceiling fan still turning and groaned dramatically. Dipping his head, he looked up with an exhale, and began walking around the lounge with intent in his step.

Pursing his lips, blue irises looked up, down, left, and right to no avail. The bar was completely quiet, as if God himself had told the occupants that if they made even a single sound, they would all be dragged down to Hell by their thumbs. They, as ponies, didn’t have any thumbs of course, but the idea was still the same. Shit was quiet as dicks.

Crinkling his nose yet again, Delirious suddenly noticed that he was walking through a puddle of something he didn’t recognize. Frowning deeply, he backpedaled toward the unconscious body of a Unicorn and wiped his hooves on the stallion’s grey coat. He held a leg up to walk toward it yet again before an idea struck him, and after about half a minute, successfully dragged the stained body over the puddle of what he assumed to be a mixture of piss and alcohol. Standing over the body, he gave a smile, nodded, and said simply.

“Bitch.”

Trotting over the Unicorn’s fur, he made it across the dreaded Pisscohol Puddle and found himself in what he immediately named Sweat Sanctuary. Here he saw the denizens of the area, the Sweatians, comatose beyond belief and lying on their backs, their sides, and their fronts near shards of glass, wood, and… is that a golf club?

Delirious raised a brow, walking toward the weapon lying on the ground. Standing over it, he prodded it with a hoof, expecting it to explode in his face and have him respawn outside, where a paper-bagged person and a pig would run him over, only to be shotgunned by a Mexican and finished by a monkey in a track jacket, accompanied by the sound of a foreigner’s laugh and a one-liner from a Canadian.

God he missed Los Santos.

Scooping up the golf club, he mimicked the awkward swinging of one’s first lightsaber and promptly shoved it in his groin. Feeling like the owner was somewhere nearby, Delirious looked to his right, and found Vanoss leaning against a wall, a broken bottle in his hoof. Sitting next to him with a hammer was Rainbow Dash, who was sleeping in the same vein as a dog, curled up in a circle of her own body.

Giving a little smile, he suddenly became aware of a sound right next to him. Head snapping toward the source like a hawk, he witnessed a brown stallion peering up at him, his hat covering his eyes as he giggled.

“H-hey man. You got a,” he hiccuped, “drink?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said, reaching toward his crotch. Pulling out his baseball bat, he patted it once, saying, “it’s called Ice-Cold Knockout. Wanna sample?”

“Sure-”

BONK

Rolling his blue eyes, he gave the now unconscious body a swift kick to the side, growling, “Stupid bitch.” Holstering the baseball bat, he turned tail and began to walk toward Vanoss and Rainbow Dash. Tilting his head, he expected to find Applejack to no avail, not seeing a single sign of her near the other two. Sucking in his cheeks, he breathed out his nostrils and moaned, expecting his mission to be easy.

Tapping the floor with a hoof, he listened to the sound of the ceiling fan whirring as he looked around for Applejack. He did not find her, but he knew where to look as his eyes landed upon a light brown Stetson. Suddenly, his eyes narrowed, noticing the lack of an orange mare underneath it. Instead, a light green Earth Pony sat on the floor, a smile on his face with a hoof pressed firmly atop the brim of the hat.

Delirious growled somewhere down his throat, beginning to trot over to him. Avoiding Pisscohol Puddle, he found himself standing next to him in less time than he had noticed. Watching as the Earth Pony snored, Delirious brought a hoof up to his right ear, all but throwing the limb as he Godfather-smacked the stallion awake.

“Wh-what the hell…?”

Delirious gave him a glare in silence, before swiftly grabbing the Stetson and holding it in a hoof. With his other, he took a nearby bottle and smashed it into the stallion’s temple, rendering him unconscious once again. “That’s right, motherfucker. Go back to bed.” Placing a hoof inside the body of the hat, he stepped three legs across the pub, searching for Applejack.

Looking toward the stage, he finally found her.

She was slumped over the entirety of a table that Delirious noticed must have been flung up there, her head hanging with her eyes pointed at the ground and her mane messy. A few comatose bodies sat defeated at the bottom of the stage. Delirious gave a grin, and hobbled over to the mare, making sure to step on each and every single body that lay in his path. Finally reaching her position, he quietly placed the Stetson on her head.

The body stirred, almost unnoticeably. Giving a grin, he walked next to the table, brought two hooves up, and carried the mare, struggling as his legs wobbled feebly. Adjusting himself to the weight of her body, he threw her over his back, made sure she was distributed evenly across it, and began to walk. Suddenly, he stopped. Looking to his left, he watched the mare’s head dip to the ground. Thinking quickly, he pushed her teetering Stetson back onto her head, pressing it against her head to make sure it didn’t fall. Now feeling ready, he began to walk toward the entrance with a slight hobble in his step, one he hadn’t noticed before.

Paying it no mind, he was kept from making another step as he heard the sound of a door creaking open. Looking toward the source, he braced himself. Instead of some drunken stallion ready to kick Delirious' ass, Scootaloo walked out from behind the corner of the bar, a curious look on her face as she nipped loudly. She stopped as she spotted Vanoss and Rainbow Dash lying on the ground next to her, stepping toward the latter cautiously. Waving a hoof in front of Rainbow's face, Scootaloo called quietly, "Rainbow! Rainbow, wake up!"

The mare took no heed, instead opting to ignore the filly and continue sleeping. Rainbow's body moved, adjusting to the wooden floor beneath her, and settled down in the exact same position. Scootaloo sucked in her bottom lip, frowning slightly as she turned, seeing Delirious, who began to walk over to her.

"Hey Scootaloo, you okay?"

The filly nodded, poking a hoof in Rainbow's side. Looking back up, she responded, "I think the better question would be to ask you."

Delirious gave a skeptical look, but adjusted the mare over his back and said calmly, "Yeah I'm... fine. Woke up in the fuckin' garbage though..."

Scootaloo nodded her head slightly, as if studying a clue to a mystery, "Yeah, that's kinda what I expected, since that's where he threw you."

"He?"

"Yeah," she said with a wave of her hoof, "some guy was hitting on Applejack, I think, and you got all up in his face and he got mad. I dunno, I wasn't paying attention. I was drinking my root beer." She cast a glance to the bar, finding said root beer scattered along the surface. Looking back at Delirious, she grinned, "You guys started fighting, and then everypony else joined in."

"Huh."

"It was awesome."

Delirious snorted, smiling, "Hell yeah it was."

Scootaloo took a glance behind her, then turned back and asked, "What about those two? We can't just leave them here..."

Delirious waved a hoof, then brought it over and tussled the filly's purple mane lightly, "Don't worry about them. I've seen Vanoss get up from worse. And Dash seems pretty badass, I'm sure she'll wake up and feel okay after a few Advil's."

"Ad-what?"

"Wow, you guys really don't have those here? Jesus. What do you guys do for headaches?"

Scootaloo thought for a second, then smiled and said, "We just use magic. Not too hard, especially since the doctor's is only right across the bridge."

Delirious shook his head with a smirk, "Yeah... I know that all too well."

Scootaloo tilted her head and asked, "Is Applejack okay?"

The stallion turned his head to look over his shoulder, finding the mare peacefully napping on his back, the Stetson still atop her head. He gave a likewise peaceful look, then peered over at Scootaloo and said, "Yeah, she's fine. I just need to get her back to her house. Don't really want her to wake up in the middle of a fucking sweaty-ass bar."

The filly nodded, "Makes sense. What about Rainbow Dash?"

"I'm sure it won't be the first time for her. Besides," he said, moving his body, "can only carry so much."

Scootaloo gave him a blank look, but sighed and began to walk with him. "Yeah... good point."

Looking, he asked bluntly, "The hell you doin'?"

"Coming with you."

"Why?"

"You said so yourself. That place is gross as buck. I don't think a filly my age should be in there anyway."

As Delirious held the door open, allowing Scootaloo to pass by, he asked from behind her, "How old are you anyway? I'm confused as hell about it, especially since Apple Bloom's scary as fuck."

"Twelve and three-quarters!"

"'Twelve and three-quarters'?"

"Yup," she said, slowing down as Delirious walked alongside her. Giving a cocky grin, she struck a pose as she walked and exclaimed, "Turning thirteen in a few months. It's gonna be awesome! Hey, you should come!"

"I'm not sure I'll be here that long."

She looked up at him with a look of sadness, "Aww... why not? C'mon, can't you stick around for my birthday at least?"

"Well I mean, I could try... I'm just not sure what I'm even doing here to begin with."

Still walking in the moonlight, Scootaloo took a few large, experimental steps, trying to keep pace with Delirious' own steps. Noticing this, Delirious gave a short laugh. "Heh heh, what are you doin'?"

"I'm tryin' ta, oops, see if I can match your step! It's uh," she stopped, stumbling a little bit, only to catch herself and continue a moment later, "lot harder than I thought."

"Want me to slow down-"

"No!"

Delirious flinched.

"Uh, I uh, I mean 'no'. Sorry."

Delirious returned to his prior position as he looked forward, "It's alright."

"Yeah, it's just... I don't like it when people say that stuff to me..."

Looking at her still trying to keep step, he summed it up, "Don't like it when people have to stop for you?"

She shook her head, continuing her activity, "Yeah. Buncha jerks at school are always joking around. 'Oh, we should slow down a bit for Scootaloo', or, 'Oh, maybe we should let Scootaloo catch up, isn't that right Diamond Tiara?' And then she'd say, 'Of course. After all, Blank Flanks are always a little slow.' And then she'd add, 'More like really slow' and then they'd laugh and just AUUUUUUUUGH."

Scootaloo gave a mighty kick into the ground in front of her, sending a clump of grass and dirt flying away. Watching as it sailed into a group of houses, Delirious whistled and said simply, "Holy shit." He looked over at Scootaloo and watched as she growled down in her throat somewhere. Quickly attempting to defuse the situation, he added, "Helluva kick."

She smiled slightly, "Thanks. My dad teaches me."

"He some kinda soccer coach or something?"

"No," she replied, shaking her head, "he's the Manehattan Buccaneers main Bucker." Looking up at Delirious' clearly confused expression, she included, "which means he's one hay of a kicker. He's always gone all the time, and my mom is out touring with her singing group, so I'm on my own most of the time."

Delirious chuckled, "God, I wish I had that when I was a kid. Would've been fuckin' awesome!"

"Well, I mean, you can do that now, can't you Delirious?"

He settled down, going silent for a brief minute. Suddenly, he piped up. "Huh."

Scootaloo giggled, and increased her speed slightly to catch up with Delirious, having lagged behind as she relayed the limited vocabulary of her bullies. With nothing to talk about, the two walked through the quiet Ponyville in the dead of night, side-by-side. The air was slightly chilly thanks to the lack of clouds and the blowing wind, but the heat of the summer season struck back and evened it out for them. With the bar far behind them, Delirious adjusted Applejack's body, grunting as her hoof suddenly hit a ginger spot. Scootaloo noticed his seething, and crouched, peering at his side.

She eyed his body for a brief second as the two stopped, and said, "Ooh, looks like you've got a bit of a cut on your side." She looked at Delirious and shrugged, "guess you fell on something in the dumpster."

Delirious gave a short shrug in kind, beginning to walk again at a slower pace.

Scootaloo joined him, happily bouncing next to the stallion as the two continued through the town. Though dark as it was, the various streetlamps dotting the area were enough to illuminate their path, and so the two knew where to head. It took a little while longer before Scootaloo broke the silence.

"Where you from?"

Delirious nipped loudly, put off by the odd question. His silence was her answer.

"I mean, you're obviously not from around here. What, you from Manehattan? Las Pegasus?"

"Los Santos."

"Never heard of it."

Delirious shrugged mid-step, "I thought not."

"Was it nice there?" She asked with a hint of wonderment.

He thought for a minute, and sighed before saying, "The place was smelly as hell and everyone hated each other. It was nice, though, yeah. Sunny beaches, blue skies. Damn, I fuckin' miss it."

"Any friends?"

Delirious smiled underneath the mask, "Yeah. I mean, you already met Vanoss. Yeah. Yeah, I had a few. My friend Lui, for one. He and I always beat the shit out of each other, we're practically rivals. Then there's Wildcat. He's funny as shit when he's not calling me a dildo smoker or getting mad over little things."

Scootaloo scrunched up her face. "Sounds like a pig."

Delirious laughed, "Yeah, he's a pig. You got that right." They passed beneath a street lamp, and Scootaloo hissed.

"Probably not a good idea to look at that light..."

"Why?"

"Rainbow told me to go to the bathroom before it got all violent and stuff. Place was dark. I kinda... fell asleep."

Delirious laughed again, a bit louder this time, "Don't worry, heh heh. I would've too. Hell, I'm surprised I fell asleep in a fuckin' dumpster."

Scootaloo giggled with him, "Well, I guess trash just goes with trash-"

"Oh fuck you-"

"Hey now, I'm just a filly. I'm not even sixteen yet. It's illegal."

Delirious rolled his eyes, glaring at the orange filly, "Is this gonna be a thing now? Is it Everybody Be A Dick To Delirious Day?"

"Yup, I'm the leader. Applejack's co-founder." Scootaloo suddenly looked to her right. "How is she anyway? Doesn't seem to be moving..."

Delirious looked over his shoulder, watching the bouncing mare on his back snore peacefully. "She's just sleepin'. She'll wake up in a few. Speaking of which, we need to get her home. Double time, Scootaloo."

Her wings buzzed excitedly, "Cool! Let's go!"

The two began to walk a brisk pace, turning a corner and beginning to walk across a bridge. Stepping back onto the dirt, they saw Sweet Apple Acres in the distance. The duo looked at each other, grins on their face as they jogged through the front gate. Slowing down, laughing, they approached the front door, the moon hanging above them giving them the only light in the area. Delirious, looking forward, suddenly caught a glance of red coming from the entrance. Straining his eyes, he was able to make it out as they got closer.

Eventually reaching the front steps, Delirious and Scootaloo looked at Big Macintosh, who gave them blank looks in response.

"What're y'all doin' out here so late?" His eyes darted to Delirious' back. "And what's wrong with mah sis?"

"She just had a few drinks in her, so I had to carry her home when she fell asleep-"

"Why didn't'cha just wait 'til mornin'? Or, better yet, why didn't'cha come get me?" Looking Delirious up and down, he noticed the almost unnoticeable shaking in his legs. "Ah'm a lot stronger than yer skinny flank-"

"Fuck off."

Macintosh flinched.

"She didn't ask me to. I did it. She's safe." Adjusting her on his back, he said with a growl, "Don't be a dick."

Macintosh opened his mouth to speak, but shut his mouth in favor of being the better stallion. Delirious walked past him, making sure to bump him with his foreleg as he did so. Scootaloo followed closely behind, a look of confusion on her face as the two walked into the living room. Glancing behind her shoulder, Scootaloo turned to Delirious ahead of her and observed, "I've never seen him so mad before. He's always so nice and stuff to us..."

Delirious grumbled, "He's probably just in a bad mood," though he knew it wasn't the truth.

Scootaloo believed it anyhow. "Yeah, probably."

Delirious trotted over to the large green couch sitting by a coffee table, bending over to his right cautiously. Bringing a foreleg up, he slung Applejack over his body, rolling her onto the couch, where she began to snore into the backrest. Grimacing, he quickly picked her Stetson off the floor, placing it on the armrest next to her head. Looking around, he found a blanket draped over a rocking chair. Retrieving it, he unfolded it and placed it over Applejack, who shifted slightly before falling back to sleep.

Delirious smiled, turning around to walk out the door. Scootaloo joined him, a sly grin on her face. She chose to remain silent, not wanting to disturb the snoring green mare sitting in the rocking chair in the kitchen. Walking out the front door and past Big Macintosh, Delirious dared not even look back, the two stepping off the front steps when the front door closed, signifying his leaving. Stepping hoof onto the grass, they began to walk back to town.

Suddenly, Scootaloo's stomach gurgled.

"I'm hungry."

"You are?"

"Yeah, I-"

A noise sounded out from behind them. Looking back, they watched as a window slid open, a familiar yellow filly looking out at them, her mane a mess.

"Hey guys!" She called in a hushed shout. "You guys talkin' 'bout food?"

Delirious blinked. Once, twice, three times.

"Wow-"

"Yeah! You wanna come?!" Scootaloo asked in a likewise tone.

Apple Bloom called back, "Hay yeah!" and proceeded to climb off the roof. Going to the right side, she dangled over the side and fell into a small cart of hay. Getting out, and spilling hay in the process, Apple Bloom cantered over to them with a grin on her face, her mane bedraggled and her bow crooked atop her head.

"Hey, thanks fer helpin' mah sis back there. Mac's a bit of a plothole sometimes, but 'e just wants what's best for her. You'd do fine ta just ignore him fer now," Apple Bloom said with an appreciative expression.

Delirious gave a smile, but quickly repressed it as he realized the situation at hand.

"Uh, whaddya guys wanna eat?"

"Well, Hay Burgers kinda burnt down thanks to you..."

"We could go to Cockatoo's," Delirious said blankly, looking at the two fillies.

They gave him confused looks in response.

"Cock-a-what-now?"

Delirious groaned, facehoofing, "For fuck's sake..."

Author's Notes:

That thing I said about not releasing a new chapter?

I lied.

Hope you enjoyed, I'm really proud of this one.