“Vespi wake up man!” I heard Mike say hastily. I got up half drowsy and half asleep.

“What is it?” I asked

“We found a pony” Mike said. I was up in an instant; it was as if I had cocaine, sugar, and caffeine while watching a Die Atzen music video (If you don’t get it just think of lots of flashing lights and German people).

I got up from my position and saw a luminous light near the tree line on the edge of the field we had encamped in. I trotted over to see Nico, Tyler, Conor and Dan standing near a small covered wagon driven by a light blue unicorn pony wearing a cape and a wizard hat.

“Who are you plebian ponies!? You robbers shouldn’t come near the Great and Magnificent Trixie!” She warned. From the carriage I saw the first native pony of all time. She was light blue and had white hair, on her head was a wizard’s hat covered with lights and other designs, around her neck was a cape with a similar design.

“Relax we aren’t robbers” Mike said “We are just traveling to Fillycolly”

The Great and Magnificent Trixie gave a nod “I see; perhaps The Great and Magnificent Trixie can show her benevolence and help you. But it will cost you”

“How much to Fillycolly?” I asked

“100 bits” The Great and Magnificent Trixie said

“How about 10 bits” I suggested. Frankly we didn’t have any bits; perhaps we could just kill her and take her wagon.

“90 bits” The Great and Magnificent Trixie bargained

“50” Nico said

“Nico we don’t have 50 bits” I said in a hushed whisper, to prevent the Great and Magnificent Trixie to hear us. I then noticed, peaking out of one of the small side compartments in his saddle pack, was a small saggy bag.

“Perhaps 100 bits” The Great and Magnificent Trixie said

“You said 90 bits before retard…” I observed

“Perhaps I retract my offer” The Great and Magnificent Trixie said “Good day”

“It’s night” Tyler said

The Great and Magnificent Trixie prepared to leave us in the dirt of the trail before I concocted an idea.

“Wait!” I shouted “50 bits and this small foal!” I pointed towards Conor, picking him up and showing him to the Great and Magnificent Trixie. Obviously he was not amused.

Nonetheless The Great and Magnificent Trixie continued on and left us where we stood.

“Well that was a waste of time…” Dan complained

“I guess we should keep walking” I suggested. It would have been nice to have an actual 8 hour sleep but now I felt like it would be impossible to get back to sleep.

“Might as well” Nico said

We followed the trail through the woods to hopefully would be Fillycolly. The entire forest looked the same as the old forest from Earth. It was green…and brown…and green.

“O my god…” Tyler said shocked “SQUIRREL!”

I looked down farther on the path to see a small squirrel hopping along. For some apparent reason Tyler had a strange infatuation with all things doing with squirrels, I think it’s mainly to piss off any teacher that talks about animal life. Last year on his birthday we put two squirrels in his locker, when he opened his locker they jumped out and mauled him. I wonder if Tyler still hates me for that…

Tyler began to gallop after the squirrel before stopping at a halt. I listened for a quick moment to hear 2 voices chatting in the distance.

We all stealthily trotted up near a bush. In a small opening surrounded by trees were two little foal, a little younger than us. They had their cutie marks (I had read a little bit of that encyclopedia, an average pony gets their cutie mark right before puberty would begin) but were not full grown. On further inspection it was a young colt and filly.

“I really like you Sunny Days” The little colt said with a little awkward smile

“I really like you too Silver Spirit” Sunny Days said (Dawwwwww)

The two looked at each other for a minute before slowly moving towards each other, about to kiss. Mike on the other hand was an expert cock blocker, waited patiently and chose to reveal himself,

“Hey uh Foal!” He shouted from the bush “Which way is Fillycolly?”

The little filly turned her head and gave out a little surprised shriek, the little colt on the other hand was more displeased then actually scared.

“Just go down that trail; but there is an evil monster that lives there!” He warned

“Relax colt I got it” Mike said confidently “You go do whatever you were about to do”

Mike dropped his head under the bush yet again. I was about to get up to head back onto the trail before I felt his hoof cup my shoulder, an order to stay.

I looked through the bush to see the two foal nestled by the camp fire.

“So where were we?” The colt asked. They went in for the kiss again; Mike popped his head back up.

“You said this way is I right?” He asked; pointing a hoof towards the trail.

“Yes can you please leave us alone now?” Silver Spirit pleaded

“Whatever” Mike said, once again he dropped his head down with a slight giggle. He waited a moment then popped his head up again…

“P LOTT IS GOING TO GET YOU!” Mike announced. It was still funny, although I doubt a pedophile vice principal was going to jump out and attack them though. Both of the foal on the other hand clearly didn’t get the joke.

“What?” Sunny Days said

“Nothing just forget about him” Silver Spirit said, discovering about the ruse.

“What did he mean?” The filly asked with a nervous expression on her face.

“Just never mind” Silver Spirit said with an aggravated frown

“I’m not really in the mood right now…” Sunny Days confessed.

Meanwhile behind the brush all of us were laughing our flanks off. Now that is how you do it!

“Okay guys let’s get to Fillycolly.” I said

“Lead the way” Mike said with a polite gesture. We continued down the trail with considerable haste. It wasn’t that we were tired but mainly we were anxious about getting to some sort of civilization. Did anyone know we were missing?

“Wait what the?” Mike asked. I turned around to see an aura of white magic encompassing his horn, a second later a letter popped out.

I lunged for it and yanked open the envelope. I frowned; Marshal had the shittiest handwriting known to man. WAIT WHAT? How did Marshal get here? Was he alone? Sadly I could only decipher:

Mike….Marshal I’m In Ponyville………..unite…………..meet you at……………..at the Statue of Friendship…………………please stay alive…………………..seriously…………Sam with me…………A……………………..turnip……………… shit so crazy

-Marshal

“Let me see” Nico said; snatching the letter from my hand “What is the Statue of Friendship?”

“I don’t know” I said “We’ll look it up in the encyclopedia when we get to Fillycolly. Let’s just focus on getting there first.”

“Fine” Everyone agreed in unison

We continued down the trail for some time before we saw a cottage in the distance. Were we at Fillycolly?

I dismissed the idea sadly. It was just a lonesome cottage on the trail, not the town itself. Out in front of the comely cottage was a timid looking yellow pegasus.

The small little pegasus out front had not seen us yet. She was using a broom to sweep her front porch, to her side was a small miniature bunny.

“Don’t scare her” Nico warned. I turned around to see Mike walking right up to her, I wasn’t good at faces but I had the strange feeling this one would flip the shit easily.

“Sup babe” Mike said, my guess proved correct

“HEY HEY HEY STAY OUT OF MY SHED” The pegasus turned around, I was horrified. The pony had hideous eyes, massive white orbs that showed insanity. Her mouth was warped into a sadistic smile. Her voice sounded like…a retarded black guy with peanut butter in his mouth.

Mike must of seen the horror too, he instantly threw out a hoof and knocked the small pony out.

“Was that necessary?” I asked, I knew she looked mentally ill, but couldn’t she arrest us now?

“Bro…” Nico said in utter amazement of Mike’s stupidity

“Let’s loot her house!” Tyler said running inside with Mike and Dan. Great now we can get charged with assault and breaking an entry.

“Well why not!” I said; succumbing to peer pressure.

I had to admit the cottage was very nice. It looked a lot like your normal Human house. Couch, bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, and outside in the back was a small chicken coop with a couple chickens meandering around.

While I was there I took the closest thing that resembled a Mountain Dew in her fridge (Something called Saxtonade. Actually tasted like red bull and gunpowder) and sat down at her couch.

I randomly looked outside to shit a brick; I didn’t see the yellow pony! Where’d she go?

“O shit guys she’s awake!” I alerted my friends. I ran for the stairs only to feel a bludgeon hit my head and cause me to drop down on the hard floor.

“I said stay out of my shed!” She hissed in a threatening voice. I felt the world go black and my body begins to be dragged.

I woke up, my hooves tied down to a red velvet chair in what seemed to be the basement. The walls were lined with massive amounts of animal cruelty. Animals, birds, bunnies, raccoons, and even some deer were nailed to the wall. There insides torn open revealing their organs. The PTA would be soooo pissed right now if they knew about this. To my side was a large crater in the basement.

“Tyler? Mike? Nico? Conor?” I called out

No response

“Dan?”

There was a response this time

“VESPI GET OUT!” I heard Mike scream

“I’m already tied to a chair dipshit” I said plainly.

The culprit (I assumed it was the yellow pegasus) was nowhere to be seen, but what I did see was a small little white face laughing at me through a window high on the wall to my left. It was little Silver Spirit.

“HELP!” I screamed at the top of my lungs “I AM STUCK”

Sadly the little colt didn’t hear me or didn’t give a dam. He stopped laughing and left my line of sight.

“O your awake!” I heard an excited voice squeal. I turned around to see the little yellow pegasus standing in front of me with a smiley expression on her face.

“What is going on?” I questioned

“Relax…it’ll be over soon” She said. I was about to pursue but I felt an acute pain flood my hoof. I looked down to see a small cut on the top of my shoulder hoof (Whatever you’d like to call it). It wasn’t a deep cut but it still caused a small amount of blood to drip from my shoulder.

“Jesus Christ nigga you be tripping!” I shouted in confusion.

“O relax” The pegasus said in a reassuring manner “It isn’t going to be all bad”

“Hey uh Vespi, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?” I heard Mike questioned in a suspicious voice, apparently he must of heard my “meep” sound from the cut.

“How does that feel?” She asked, cutting my shoulder again this time deeper.

“Vespi what is going on?” Nico asked

“I…don’t…really…know” I said.

The next thing I know there is the little pegasus in front of me with a bloody chainsaw. Not bloody as in bloody but bloody as in dipped in blood.

“Okay uh I’d prefer not…” I murmured quietly.

I had the feeling that what happened next is basically a cluster fuck of illogical crap

…

I began to sweat… our little friend yanked the little rope thing and started it up.

I didn’t really know what to do in this circumstance, so I just began to babble, pleading for my life.

“I told you to stay out of my shed!” She hissed in a lunatic’s voice

“Shed.mov”

I looked towards the door behind the small yellow pegasus. There stood a juggernaut, waving a m60. Through the translucent visor I saw a stupid smile and brown wavy Justin Bieber hair.

“Ayan!” I shouted “Thank god help me man!” Ayan is what we would call semi-retarded. He has wavy brown hair and a common stupid smile. He is one of those guys that just doesn’t seem to be naturally smart.

“Wait Ayan is here?” My friends questioned. I just realized they couldn’t see anything (Mainly because they were in a hole in the middle of the basement).

“What do you say?” He asked with a dumb grin

“Fucks sake please help me bro she is going to kill me!” I shouted. Just then the little pegasus picked up the rotating chainsaw like a battle axe and prepared to drop it down on me.

I closed my eyes shut and heard a fusillade of explosions. I opened them to see the little pegasus drop to the floor, the chainsaw falling on top of her and turning her into salsa.

“Thank god Ayan you saved my ass!” I said with a chuckle.

“No problem bud” Ayan said with a smile “What are you guys doing here?”

“What are you doing here Ayan!?” I heard Nico questioned. I allowed Ayan to free me from the cage and looked out into the hole in the ground. My friends finally realized they could just climb out of the hole (As you know they are all geniuses).

“Okay let’s just…forget this ever happened and get to Fillycolly before some more weird shit happens” I suggested. I looked on my shoulder, fortunately it had stopped bleeding.

“Okay lead the way guys” Ayan said “I got this gun!”

“Okay Harrison we will not need to walk around with an m60 anymore” Tyler said

“Relax it isn’t like I am going to hurt myself! See the safety is on! Here Mike try and shoot me” Ayan said with a pompous grin.

Ayan tossed Mike the hefty looking M60. Mike looked down at the gun, then to Ayan, then back at the gun and squeezed the trigger at Ayan. I blinked my eyes only to find Mike sprawled back on the ground and Ayan on the floor dead.

“O wait…the safety WASN’T on” Mike observed “You see there is the little switch, when it is on safety it is like this but when it isn’t on-O SHIT MONKEY BALLS” Apparently Mike just recognized Ayan’s dying body on the floor.

“Okay here is what we are going to do, make it look like a murder suicide.” Dan said

After 2 hours of tough work we finally left the shed and its memories behind us and continued to Fillycolly. It was already perhaps 4 A.M. and the sun was finally rising over the forest.

We finally saw several houses in a valley on the horizon. We were finally there.

“So that never happened” Conor said

“Eyup”

And not a single fuck was given that day

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