I woke up from my not so tranquil nap, and was completely relieved. I had just had the worst dream in the history of worst dreams; Mike had noticed my shocked expression and didn’t seem too shy when it came to confronting me about it.

“What was that?” Mike asked “It looked like you just had a seizure”

“I’m… fine” I said, thank god the walls were there.

“What was that!?” Nico asked, acknowledging the seizure like night terror as well

“I...I just had a bad dream” I said, touching my head, I couldn’t even remember what had happened, but it was something bad.

“Hey guys can we switch or something?” Nico asked “I am getting really tired”

“Hang on I see another building in the distance, when we get there we can switch!” Mike said, pointing to another white speck on the horizon.

Mike looked over at Tyler, he had been fiddling with what looked like a radio

“What are you doing?” Mike asked

“I think this is a radio” Tyler said

“It is clearly a radio” I stated,

“Tyler finally pressed an “on” button and the radio began to emit noise. It was a talk show apparently staring some fat ugly old fascist like republican, or well that was what I was thinking about.

“Ponies just don’t understand it when I say sex is wrong, ponies call me crazy when I try and tell them about the penalties, but NOOOOOO they’d rather be sinful and destroy themselves. When I tell ponies that global warming is a myth they-”

“Okay this guy is already pissing me off” Tyler said, he turned the nob; we heard a miss mosh of several dozen channels but one caught our attention.

“Wait guys shut up and listen” Mike ordered

“Our next tope story, no word has come from Stalliongrad today, but spectators and first aid rescue workers trying to help save lives in the ensueing riots were astounded when a bright light came over the city and destroyed large parts of it. Massive death tolls aer being charted up. More than 5000 Gryphons have been killed, and 16 ponies. That is all”

Moment of silence

“Did we do that?” I asked

“I hope not”

The road was long and tiresome, it was dreadfully hot, and if we had gotten the other wagon we would have AC. If only it didn’t crash into a sand dune.

Nico wasn’t happy about it obviously. We promised him when we got to the next “building” that we would switch, which mike assured he could see. This wasn’t fast enough though.

“Guys can we please switch” Nico said

“Nope”

15 minutes later

“Guys can we please switch”

“Nope”

15 minutes later

“Guys can we please switch”

“NOPE”

“BITCH I DON’T CARE WERE SWITCHING ANYWAYS”

Nico released himself from the wagon and began seething with anger

“Relax Nico, were already here (;3)” Mike said. Turning around I saw the building Mike was talking about.

“WHAT COME ON!” Nico shouted, still bat-shit angry about being our mule for an hour in the desert.

I felt a great surge of relief flow through my veins, we were finally here, we were finally coming towards civilization. Our small ice cream carriage was slowly heading towards the train station, Dan (Volunteering for the role), his mane almost plastered to their heads from the immense amount of sweat.

“Thank god we are finally somewhere” Mike said

“I’m so hungry” I said, looking down and feeling my stomach, I wasn’t at starving point yet but I was discomforted with the lack of food in my stomach. To top it off, we only had 10 bits for the 5 of us.

Dan and Nico trudged to the rear of the station and collapsed, then the wheels collapsed, then for no reason the entire wagon spontaneously combusted. Good thing our wagon insurance covered spontaneous combustion.

“Okay that took care of itself” Nico said, looking at the scorched rubble “Let’s go get something to eat”

  We walked around the station and walked into the front door. There was a massive juggernaut of a train standing out front. This train had to be far larger than any train on Earth. It was at leastly twice as wide and had twelve carts each with a silver numeral to depict said cart. Covering half the right side was in gilded gold “The Equestrian Express”. If this was Grand Theft Auto, I’d steal dat.

Outside each cart door (There were 12 carts, 1 door for each cart) was a stout and alert looking pony wearing a train workers uniform, it was dark black with golden buttons and golden epaulets, to top it off there was a black cap with a little golden emblem on it… fancy.

“Okay we have exactly 10 bits left” I said “Let’s get something to eat then go from there”

The small trains stop reminded me of a mini-mall, it was two stories high, and on the top level were several shops for wealthy ponies to buy unnecessary crap (Just like in our world!). On one side of the station there was a food court.

We quickly ran towards the food court and ordered what we could with 10 bits. Fortunately 10 bits was just enough for two pizzas and a couple Ponspis (Apparently Pony Pepsi, or at leastly one of the variants).

“This Ponspi takes like…Pepsi!” Mike declared

“I wonder why dumbass” I said gesturing to the logo; it was exactly the same as the Pepsi logo.

“O yea” Mike said

We quickly finished the pizzas and found ourselves idle. The train was still stagnant on the track so we had some time, but how could we sneak onto the train? The last thing I want to do is walk for god knows how long after eating Pizza and drinking Ponspi.

“Hey Tyler give me your Ponspi” I said

“Why?” Tyler asked, before he could react I snatched it from him however

“We all need a good laugh” I said

I shook the Ponspi for a good 5 minutes and then chose a target. There were plenty of juicy ones, fat old mares, young rich looking ponies, but no pony was just right.

“Found one!” Mike whispered in my ear pointing to an elderly stallion. He was as wrinkly as a raisin and was light blue; he had on a massive pair of glasses as well.

“You can do it Tyler” I said

“Why?” Tyler asked

“Because I say so” I said

“Vespi I don’t care”

“DO IT TYLER!” Mike ordered

“SIR YES SIR!” Tyler shouted, he grabbed the Ponspi and snuck by to the elderly pony.

“Want a Ponspi good sir?” Tyler asked with a fake smile

“Why thank you sonny” The pony said, he grasped it and began to open it “Back in my day we-“

Before he could finish his rant the Ponspi exploded in his face, sending his glasses flying off his face and onto the floor.

“My bad good sir” Tyler said still laughing

After the random cruelty we all sat down on a row of chairs and discussed our genius plan to get on the train.

“Let’s just do what Mexicans do and hide under it” Nico said

“No Nico remember my uncle works as border patrol, he said that NEVER works” Tyler said

“How about we buy 5 fucking tickets and go on board?” Dan asked “We haven’t even asked where the train is going!”

“We would buy 5 fucking tickets Daniel but we clearly are poor” Nico said

“Dan don’t be stupid we don’t have any money AT ALL” I said

“Fine we might as well sneak on” Nico said

“Hey sir where does this train go to?” I asked one of the employees standing by “Cart 7”

“Las Pegas, Baltimare, Manehatten, Unicornia” The stallion said

“Las Pegas it is” Tyler said

Las Pegas? You mean like Las Vegas? O my god o my god o my god o my god o my god o my god :D!

“Shouldn’t we be going to Ponyville?” I asked though. I had the weird feeling that wherever we go bad things happen. At leastly well have Marshal and Sam though if we go to Ponyville.

“Relax bro we got all the time in the world” Mike said, he turned around and looked at the officer (Do trains have officers? I don’t know it just sounds cool) from Cart 7 “How much are train tickets my good ma- I mean sir?”

“The train already departed from Stalliongrad three days ago, this is just a small rest stop for the passengers to stretch their hooves, might I just ask but what cart are you in? I haven’t seen you yet.”

“We are…passengers in………Cart 1!” I said quickly on my feet

“Cart 1? I believe that is the private cart for the owner and his intimate friends, might I just ask what your business is in all of this?” The officer asked

“Don’t worry about it” Mike said, relying on his old comeback

“I should worry about it”

“Well…don’t”

“Well…no”

“Well…yea I am an embassy from the Gryphon lands” Mike said, I felt like banging my head up against the wall. What was Mike thinking?

“But you’re not a Gryphon” The officer said with a suspicious look

“But you’re not a Gryphon either” Mike said swiftly

“….your confusing me” The officer said worriedly

“AND YOU AREN’T CONFUSING ME!” Mike shouted, somehow no matter what happens Mike manages to get our mangy asses out of trouble.

“Are you drunk sir?” The pony asked

“No I’ve been walking through the desert” Mike said

“I think you should leave” The officer said

“Leave should you I think” Mike said

“Sir I will be forced to call the police”

“Fine! We are like the ponies……………………private…..errr……..doctors? DOCTORS! Yes were there private doctors!” Dan said

“Why would 1 person have 5 doctors?”

“1 Doctor and 4 specialists” I mentioned

“Really then sir? What is your specialization?”

“…….medicine?”

DERPs

Vespi: 1

The officer clearly didn’t know what to think, the “lol wut” expression on his face was evidence.

“I think I’ll call the conductor” The officer said, right as he was about to open the door into the train a feminine voice shouted out from behind us.

“Pierre that is not necessary, these are friends of mine and should be given their upmost respect and their rooms in Cart 1” She said, I turned around to see a white unicorn with wavy white hair and emerald green eyes.

“Yes Mam” Pierre said, leaving into the train nonetheless.

We all turned around and notice the mare

“So who are you?” Mike asked

“I’m Sugar Blossom” Sugar Blossom said “Might I just ask what are you doing here?”

“Stuff” Mike said

“I see” Sugar Blossom said “I’m going to need a better answer then that, or I can have Pierre boot your flanks off my train”

“This isn’t your train bro I mean bra” Mike said, I couldn’t help but notice no one was responding to the mare who might of saved us except Mike.

“Maybe, or maybe I just get more then you, let’s call them privileges” Sugar Blossom said, scooting past us onto the train “Care to come aboard?”  

Next Chapter: Meet the Cart Estimated time remaining: 2 Hours, 40 Minutes