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Kildeez and Sifty's Shameless Self-Insert Adventures in Equestria!

by kildeez

Chapter 2: Entry II: Champion's Return (that was fast), by Sifty

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It's been a few days since I came to Thedas.

The portal spewed me out right into the midst of a battlefield- and right on top of an Ogre that was trying to crush a Grey Warden. Naturally, I didn't take kindly to this- I was never one to be shaken up by the rigors of entering a new world, and my cryptozoological research into Darkspawn had served me well in quickly dispatching the blighted ape. As I sunk my blade into it's skull, I didn't dick about with niceties- The war was still going on, after all. After a healthy whirlwind of steel glancing off steel, I stood atop a small mountain of corpses, covered in Darkspawn blood- and feeling weary. I knew what it was- I had contracted the Taint.

Of course, the Grey Warden I spared from being smashed realized my combative talents. His name, he wouldn't say, and while I sensed that he was curious about my sudden entry into the fray, he didn't ask about it- nor did he ask about my fighting style, clothing, or anything else. The Warden's only concern at that time was my potential as a Warden recruit- when he gave the offer, it's obvious that I accepted. The Taint felt horrible, and it's long known that I've wanted to become a Warden.

Myself, and five other recruits, went through the Joining, where we imbibe Darkspawn blood. I knew what it was- it was a mixture of things. Lyrium, a mineral in this world that holds a lot of magical properties, Darkspawn blood, and the blood of the Darkspawn's "leader," the Archdemon. Those that survive the Joining become Grey Wardens.

Note, "those that survive."

The Joining ritual... it's basically drinking poison. If you survive, you become a Grey Warden, able to sense the Darkspawn, and immune to the Taint. Well, not totally immune- but it slows down the process. Grey Wardens suffer shortened lifespans- but it's the sacrifice we make.

Three recruits died. The other one, before me, passed out. When it came to me, I knew that it was now or never- and I took that drink. I held my ground as the whispers broke into my mind, and tried to stay conscious- but, in the end, I couldn't last- and I fell over, completely out of it.

When I awoke, the Warden informed me that I was now a Grey Warden. He asked if I had any questions- and was surprised by all that I already knew. As it turns out, the Fifth Blight, the thing that I had arrived here to stop, was long over- and the man I was talking to, who I came to find out was the Warden Commander of Ferelden, was the one who slew the Archdemon, Urthemiel, and stopped the Blight. The battle I assisted in was simply a skirmish during the Thaw, where the Wardens hunt down the Darkspawn who haven't yet retreated into the Deep Roads.

I was free to act on whatever I needed to. My choices were many, but it broke down into two- go into towns and look for more potential recruits, or take a trip into the Blightlands and try my hand at slaughtering some more Darkspawn for the Commander.

So, I enjoyed myself for a day or two. Hung out with the Commander at the local tavern with his friends, slaughtered the Darkspawn by his side, even went into the Deep Roads and found a dwarven recruit. I was present at her Joining, and she, thankfully, survived. Didn't care to find out her name, and I didn't listen well when the Commander offered her the chalice.

However, one thing troubled me.

I received a letter about an hour ago. Sealed. Stationary was pink, somewhat frilly. There was an orange sun stamped on the signature line.


"Champion,
As you may be aware, time between dimensions moves differently. You've spent a week in Thedas, by the time my letter will reach you- but seven months will have passed here. You must find a way back. A great evil has been unleashed; when I left the Breach, my magical teleportation must have torn a hole in the Veil. Something leaked out. It's...
I have no time for analogies or figures of speech. Just know that you are needed. I truly hope your abilities as a Grey Warden will aid you. What has been unleashed, it is similar to those Blights you told me of so long ago. So many horrors have been unleashed upon the land. Creatures from countless dimensions scour the towns and cities, kidnapping civilians, killing them, killing each other, mutating others...

Please. Come home, Sifty.

We need you.

Equestria needs you."

I showed the letter to my Commander. The Commander and I, we were far too much alike- and if it wasn't for the fact that his last name was different than mine, I would say he and I were the same person. Sifty Cousland was his name. At least, that's what he was telling me. He wouldn't reveal much else about his real name- other than that it started with an "A." He sure as shit wasn't messing with me- I told him, and every other Warden, to simply call me "The Wanderer." I didn't slip my real name, nor my code.

He understood what I had to do. No questions asked, he assembled a group of mages, and they cast me through the tear from which I came.

The world I entered was not the world I left. The skies were red; the ground itself had rotted. Far in the distance, dragons battled in the sky. Farther still, dark red clouds closed onward, towards the ocean. Unsheathing my blade and raising the large, round, Grey Warden-heralded shield that I had been issued, I looked towards the horizon to the north- where I could still see Canterlot's shining light.

I'm coming, Celestia.

I'll save us.

One last time.

Next Chapter: Entry III: Back in Action! By Sifty Estimated time remaining: 6 Hours, 56 Minutes
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