Once upon a time... no...

This one time I... hmmm, no...

Well, I'll get straight to the point. This is the story of how I died. Now, I know what you're thinking: “This is gonna be another story about death, evil, violence and tragedy.” You are wrong... I prefer to look back on my death with a humorous perspective. My name's Brilliant, by the way, Brilliant Charge. Ever heard of me? I wouldn't be surprised if you had, my name's on the cover of magazines all across Equestria: Famous Blue Unicorn Wins Again, Brilliant Wins Seven Ponylimpics Gold Medals, and some more praise I can't remember right now...

Anyway, to begin my story: I guess all this business started on the day I moved into a small town called Ponyville...

~~~~~

"HEY! Be careful with those!" I screamed at a light gray pegasus who was coming in with the last of my moving boxes.

I had just moved away from Phillydelphia to escape my ex-marefriend; after a nasty breakup and leaving my agent behind.

"Sorry sir," the derpy-looking pegasus replied. "What do you have in here anyway? They're heavier than rocks!"

"Those are my trophies for the races I have competed in all across Equestria. They are very special so don't break them!" I yelled at her. I was rather angry because I continued to get notices in the mail from my former agent about breaking my contract with her.

I sighed and went inside, completely unaware of a rumor that was about to be started by that gossiping gray pegasus.

~~~~~

'Knock! Knock! Knock!'

I was completely caught off guard by that knocking that came from my front door the next morning. "Hey! Hey you!" a high pitched female pony voice came from the door; waking me from my slumber. I got up lazily and made my way to the door, practically sleepwalking. Once I opened the door, it revealed a cyan pegasus mare that sported an unkempt rainbow mane.

My first impression of her was that she was an intern of my former agent, however something else was off.

"Who do you think you are?! Going around and telling ponies that you're the fastest pony in Ponyville! You'd better stop or you'll have me to deal with!!" The mare then angrily turned around and flew away fast.

“Well, that was odd...” I thought to myself. “If she wasn't working for... her, then why come so early in the morning to yell at me?” There was no way I was getting back to sleep now, so I decided to get the mail and make some breakfast. After a few minutes of poking around inside the new kitchen, I sat down with a 'thump' in front of my daily diet of sugar and protein shakes and began going through the mail.

“Bill.”
“Bill.”
“Another notice...”
“Bill.”
“How to lengthen your horn two inches in 2 weeks...”
“Bill.”
“Advertisement.”
“Bill.”
“Party invitation...”

I paused for a second, then exclaimed, “Wait... party invitation?!” I opened the letter to see a few sentences scribbled in between a jarful's worth of glitter that had been practically poured into the envelope:

“Hiya!! I saw that you're new in town and I'm throwing a party for you! Please meet me and all my friends at Sugarcube Corner at 2 o'clock today!”

“Well, that's odd...” I thought again to myself. “Why would some stranger invite me to a party?” I was gathering in my head all the recent happenings since moving in to this new town. “Come to think of it, everything about today has been odd...” After some more thinking, I decided that I would show up to the party, if only to humor this strange party host. First, I had to get some stuff from the market.

The marketplace was packed to the brim and I had many groceries to get. My claustrophobia was acting up, but I had to grit my teeth and put it aside in order to get things done. After a hectic trip, I had gotten everything I needed. Carrots, lettuce, my precious protein powder. All that was left to get was some apples. I happened to see an apple stand in the distance, so I walked on over to it. The stand was pretty small and the only pony there was a small cream-colored filly with a huge pink bow on her red head.

"Hiya, mister! You wanna buy some of our here apples, they're delicious!" the giddy filly shouted.

"Um, yes. I need twelve Macintosh apples," I awkwardly replied.

The filly chuckled at my statement. "Sure thing," she replied.

"Apple Bloom! Look out!" I heard another pony nearby scream. In less than a seconds warning, a scooter flew straight out of nowhere and crashed right into my stomach. I was knocked out cold...

~~~~~

Suddenly, I found myself in a dream. I was laying on a flowery meadow that was surrounded by tall grass and trees located not to far off. After raising myself up, I noticed a shadowy figure at the treeline.

"Hey, who are you?!" I yelled.

The figure laughed and disappeared in the trees.

"Hey, come back!"

I made a mad dash for the trees. I ran and ran; dodging countless numbers of the trees. I finally caught up with the figure, but as soon as I was about to recognize that shadowy figure, I came to.

~~~~~

"Hey, mister... Mister, you alright?" a sweet young voice was asking me.

"He's waking up!" said an impatient pegasus filly.

"Wha...” I was slowly recovering from my recent stupor. “What the hay happened?"

"Well... we kinda ran into you with my scooter," the orange pegasus said.

"Yeah, sorry about that,” the white unicorn muttered. “You've been out for about an hour."

I took a quick glace around. I was still in the marketplace, but laying on a pile of hay placed conveniently next to the apple stand. The three fillies huddled closely around me. My claustrophobia was acting up again...

"Allow us to introduce ourselves," said the red-headed filly from earlier. " I'm Apple Bloom."

"I'm Sweetie Belle," said the white unicorn.

"And I'm Scootaloo," announced the pegasus.

"AND WE ARE THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!!" they proudly sang (or rather yelled.)

During my awkward stare, I noticed a clock placed at the top of a streetlamp. Half past two?!

"Shoot, I'm late!" I just remembered I had a party to get to...

"See ya, mister!" Sweetie Belle yelled as I sprinted off towards the horizon.

"Dang he's fast!" Scootaloo mentioned to the others as she was amazed by my “brilliant” speed.

I hurried off to the Sugarcube Corner. Along the way, I took a few wrong turns, being new to the town, of course. Eventually, I made my way to the cake shaped confectionery. The shop was decorated in streamers and balloons, much to my surprise.

“They sure do go all out here...” I thought while gradually filling with joy. However, that feeling of joy dissolved into dread as I entered the shop and immediately spotted the mare in the corner.

I panicked. I wanted to run towards the exit, but suddenly a flash of confetti and streamers knocked me off balance and I hit the floor. After regaining my senses, I saw a bright pink pony in front of me; blocking his only chance to escape. She greeted me in an exuberant manner with one word following closely after the other.

“Hiya! I'm Pinkie Pie and you're Brilliant Charge right? I saw that you were moving in so I was like: “Hey! I should throw him a party like I did with Twilight!” Oh! Speaking of Twilight, which team are you on? Edward or Jacob? So, yeah, her party was a little bigger, but I wanted yours to be a little more quiet and private--OOH! That rhymes! Anywho, you're a big superstar down in Fillydelphia right? You didn't want a huge party with paparazzi so--”

"Hold on!!” I shouted; interrupting Pinkie's rapid conversation. “Party? Twilight? Paparazzi? Pink?"

"Oh! This lady here said she knew you," Pinkie responded and pointed towards the mare coming from the corner of the room.

"I see you're living in this small, insignificant town now, Brilliant... Shame... You could have done so much better," the snooty mare spoke in a Fillydelphian accent. She was a light blue color and sported a silver mane. She gave me a cold smirk; chilling me to the bone. It was definitely her...

"WHAT IN THE HAY ARE YOU DOING HERE, TRIXIE?!" I screamed in anger, startling the entire room while causing Pinkie to fall backwards onto her neck in such a position that probably would have killed her (or so I thought.)

Trixie huffed a sigh and said, "Well, gee honey... Don't be so surprised to see me. Your agent just wanted me to give a message to ya. Besides, I thought you could give us another chance."

"I will never go back to racing for her! NEVER! We were done a long time ago, before that breakup!” I bellowed before Trixie. “You were so self-centered at the time, you even canceled our date for that autographing session!"

Trixie put her hoof to her forehead and shook her head in disappointment, still keeping her sly grin. "You knew what happened then... Her patience grew thin and she threw you away like yesterday's news.” That snooty mare pulled her hoof from her face and towards her mane, flicking it towards me. “As for me: THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!! I bid thee goodbye, loser..." She slowly trotted out the door, face pointing up in disgust, then brushed her tail up against my body in a forceful manner.

"What a bitch..." I muttered under my breath. That didn't even begin to describe her...

A light purple unicorn happened to be listening in on my argument with Trixie and trotted towards me; attempting to strike up a conversation.

"So... You and Trixie... Has she always been--"

"--a snotty, mean showoff? Yes..." I interjected. The purple unicorn mare seemed rather calm after what had just happened.

Clearing her throat, she continued on with: "Hello, I'm--"

"Twilight Sparkle? I heard what you did to Trix' before I left. Not bad, if i do say so myself,” I calmed down a bit; taking interest in Twilight's conversation. “Her stories about you seem off, however. You don't look ugly or insane."

Twilight lifted an eyebrow towards me. "Did she really--"

"Yes, yes she did," I had interrupted once again. Twilight's face twitched back from my quick retort.

Before Twilight could complain about my constant interrupting, a loud object suddenly crashed through the door! "Hey guys, sorry I'm late! So, who is it this time?" It was that same cyan pegasus with the rainbow mane from earlier today. She quickly opened her eyes towards Brilliant and pointed her hoof at me. "YOU!"

~~~~~

I think it's best to interrupt my story right here and let you all know what was happening behind the scenes. It's not that listening to me isn't good enough, I just need to lay down some foreshadowing for you so you'll be all like: “Oh, that's why she acts like that towards you!” Now keep in mind I'm no mind reader, but this is what I'd believe this event would sound like.

Everyone got that? ...Good. So, while I was being yelled at by this rainbow-maned freak, Trixie was up to no good...

"So... did he listen?" A cold voice echoed towards the defeated Trixie.

“No... He's too blinded by hatred towards me to come back,” Trixie said with grief. “Well, that and he found out about the fact that you only gave him one-tenth of his winnings back,” Trixie put her head to the ground and gritted her teeth and muttered, “If only I could tell him...”

The mysterious mare gave an annoyed sigh, "Enough, you must gain back his trust or so help me, I'll end you... Brilliant Charge has won more races than anypony and I will not allow him to leave!"

"Yes ma'am..." Trixie slowly walked out of the conference room, clenching her lips tightly. "Dammit, Brilliant... WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE?!" She began to weep profusely, all the way back to her penthouse. ”Brilliant... You WILL love me or I will make sure you are never happy again!” She then cried herself to sleep.

~~~~~

There. I suppose I don't need to tell you all that this will become important later, do I? Good. Because I just did... Anyway, on with my amazing tragedy called life.

That hysterical rainbow-maned pegasus was questioning Pinkie Pie. “What are you doing, Pinkie?! This guy is ruining my reputation and you throw him a party? Are you insane?!” For all she knew, I was an imposter who wanted to ruin her reputation of being the fastest flying pony in all of Ponyville.

“Oh, Dashie! You're so random,” said Pinkie; mocking the excuse 'Dashie' had for her insanity. “Brilliant Charge is new in town and you know I always throw parties for the newbies!”

“Just simmer down Rainbow, I'm sure there's a simple--” began an orange western-accented mare, but not without being cut-off by my arrogant reply. “I have no idea why you're yelling at me, I haven’t raced in over a year,” I was acting calm with the cyan pegasus. There was something about her that seemed familiar... But with a name like 'Rainbow Dash', I wasn't surprised that a pony like her would mistake my intentions.

“You are nothing but a poser! Can you even clear the sky in 10 seconds flat?!” Rainbow taunted me; the one thing you shouldn't do to a colt like me.

I gave her a nasty glare and said, “Do I look like I have wings to you?”

Rainbow raised her hoof up to the side of her ear and was flapping her wings with excitement, “Is that a challenge I hear? How about a race?!”

“I haven’t raced since I left my agent over a year ago, so the answer is no; I will not race you,” I grumbled at the macho-mannered pegasus.

Rainbow Dash scoffed at my refusal, “You go around Ponyville telling everypony that you’re the best and now you won't back it up? What a chicken!”

“I don't know where you're getting the idea that I've been telling ponies that. In fact, the only pony I've told since I arrived here was that... mail-mare...” Just then, I figured out who exactly started this crazy rumor; not that anypony would believe me, of course...

Predictably, Rainbow made another scoff at my supposed lies. “HA! You're still chicken! Oh, I can see the headlines now: Famous Racehorse Refuses to Race the Super-Amazing Rainbow Dash BECAUSE HE'S A BIG FAT CHICKEN!!”

That was the haystack that broke my back! I was flaring up; I could feel my anger as it started to boil into words, “Well, Miss 'I'm-A-Flying-Color-Wheel', how would you like to back up those remarks and try to race the fastest unicorn in the world?! Ghastly Gorge, one month from now! Wings, magic and all!!”

With the gauntlet thrown down, Rainbow zipped up close to my face; a cocky smile filling her own. “Deal! Get ready to lose, chicken!!” Rainbow quickly turned around and flew out the door, leaving a gale force in her wake that shook up everypony in the room and turned my mane into a rats nest. It was on now...

All the guests collected themselves for a few minutes, then the rest of the party went pretty smoothly (for a crazy party like this one.) After indulging on excessive amounts of sugary treats, I said my goodbyes to my new friends and went home, Rainbow Dash's cocky voice still ringing in my ears. When I had got home, I found a suspicious note nailed to my door. I got up closer to read what it had to say:

“Suprise.”

A trap?! I frantically went for the doorknob, but found that my magic was too weak to open it. Trixie was close behind me, using a sleeping spell on me this whole time. I could feel my limp body as it fell to the ground. I noticed Trixie hastily casting an invisibility spell on both of us then dragged my body into her cart. I could hear her whispering, ”Forbidden magic, don’t fail me now...” I passed out soon after.

Several moments later, I woke up to find myself in a dimly lit room filled with various medical tools. I tried to move and felt the leather straps restraining me down on a metal slab. I was still to weak to use magic to break free. I was definitely in trouble...

Suddenly, a voice startled me, “Good, you’re awake... Now we can begin...” Upon hearing Trixie's sly voice, I struggled violently to get loose.

“Oh, honey, save your energy. It's not like you're going to remember any of this,” she said as she was climbing on top of the slab. Her horn began to glow a strange black color. “I'm just going to change a few of your memories, then you'll finally find yourself back home... WITH ME!!” She was laughing hysterically and slowly approached her horn towards mine. A few vein struggles couldn't save me now. Our horns touched and a bright flash erupted inside the room! My senses became discombobulated and I suddenly lost consciousness.

~~~~~

This is where my story takes a turn for the worse. Just keep in mind that I'm not acting like myself at the moment. You'll find out why shortly...

I awoke the next morning; back in my own bed. Only now, it seemed a lot bigger than I remembered. I was feeling a strange sugary taste in his mouth. What the hay happened to me last night? I tried to remember, but came up with little to nothing. Lurching out of my bed, I caught a whiff of eggs and lettuce. “Is there somepony cooking?” I thought to myself.

I slowly stumbled toward the kitchen and saw a familiar looking pony with a silver mane next to my stove. She looked over to me spoke in a familiar Phillydelphian accent, “Morning sleepyhead! You were so high on sugar from last nights party that you just fell asleep in the doorway.” She let out a gentle laugh and smiled. I felt a strange sense of happiness flow through my body. Why did that happen just now? It's because I knew that she was my wife.

“Trix'? You're not supposed to be home from your tour until this Saturday!” I blurted out with an ecstatic tone.

Trixie smirked back at me and muttered, “ Strange how things just work out...” She really was my wife... My beautiful, silver-maned wife... I felt complete.

~~~~~

I hope you guys are enjoying my slow decent into sadness because it's time to break out of my story once again. That's right, more foreshadowing... I swear, I do too many nice things for you ponies...

Meanwhile, at the Royal Canterlot Castle, a crisis has occurred. The large halls were dark; the torches were dimly lit. A royal, white alicorn was rushing through the passages at lightning speed. She was rounding dozens of corners to reach her sister's chamber. “What in Equestria is IT doing back?” she was pondering to herself. The alicorn found the door with a large crescent moon crest and burst through it, reveling a large room with her now frantic alicorn sister.

“What be it that troubles you my sister, Celestia?” the dark-blue alicorn spoke in her softer royal Canterlot voice.

“We have a problem, I just sensed a dark magic being cast by somepony. That kind of magic hasn't been used since... oh, my... so many suns ago!” Celestia was panicking, but still assumed a calm position towards her sister.

Celestia's sister had a mortified look upon her face, “Dark magic? Was that not destroyed when thine elements released me from thine evil o' Nightmare Moon?”

“No, Luna, dark magic cannot be destroyed only locked away or transferred, you of all should know this.” Celestia breathed a heavy sigh at this realization. Suddenly, the smells of burning wood flowed through the air and a letter wrapped in a bow materialized out of that said air. Celestia used her alicorn magic to open the scroll; interested in the words that would follow...

“Dear Princess Celestia,
This, unfortunately, is not one of my letters on the study of friendship. Instead I would just like your advice on a strange happening that's occurred recently. This morning, Trixie showed up in town again, trying to seduce a new unicorn named Brilliant Charge. He seemed to hate the very presence of her and yet, here he is the next day acting like she's his wife! I suppose the 'Love-Conquers-All' letter from a month ago may apply here, however this just seems incredibly off to me... What do you think?

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle”

“Would this be thine source of dark magic?” Luna questioned to Celestia.

Celestia was gathering her thoughts even before Luna had asked her. She shorty came to a realization and explained to her sister, “The magic and this... Brilliant, may be connected. I will go to Ponyville personally to investigate these strange happenings. Stay here my sister and for my sake do not let this dark magic take hold of you again. I fear this is only the first of many disruptions...” Celestia then teleported away from Luna, leaving her sister to brood against her helping Celestia.