Twilight was discouraged.

Her mentor had sent her these psychology textbooks when she'd first expressed concern for her friends. After all, everypony she knew had seemed to lose it at some point during the time she'd spent in Ponyville so far. Princess Celestia had suggested finding understanding through study, so that she could better accept these quirks.

But Twilight had had a better idea - fix them.

And nothing was going well at all. Stubborn Applejack was refusing to speak to her, and Rainbow Dash had just moped around for a while before flying off into the sunset to find herself.

Books had never failed her before, but maybe this was the exception.

She stared into the mirror; she looked as exhausted and frustrated as she felt.

This was not the time to give up, she reminded herself.

Was she the kind of pony who just threw in the towel when the going got tough?

No!

With newfound courage rising up within her, she swept her hair back into a tidy knot and smiled at her reflection. It was time to get Rarity.

-----

"Darling! Love the glasses, they're so fetching! And the hair! You really ought to wear it up more often, librarian chic is so in right now! Oh, you simply must come inside, I have the perfect little - "

"I'm here for business today, not pleasure." Twilight interrupted. She stood on the front step of Carousel Boutique, having adopted a determined stance to match her new attitude.

"Of course," Rarity cooed, putting away the hat she'd just dug out. She cleared her throat with a slight 'ahem' before beaming her best smile at Twilight and announcing in her shop-voice, "Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is -"

"I'm not here to shop." Twilight said firmly. With purpose!

"Oh."

Rarity blinked.

"Then forgive me, Twilight, but why are you here?"

"I..."

"Does it have anything to do with this psychology nonsense Applejack and Rainbow Dash are so worked up about?"

"It's not nonsense!" Twilight snapped, before regaining her composure. "I mean, this is very serious. And I would like to help you, too."

"Why, of course!" Came Rarity's unexpected answer.

Twilight was taken aback. So far, nopony had reacted at all positively to her attempts to help. But Rarity was intelligent, she reasoned, and must have recognized that it was for her own good.

"Can I come in?" She ventured, peering through the doorway.

"I must insist on it! But do be a good houseguest and wipe your hooves first."

"Of course."

"The truth is, I was a tiny bit jealous," Rarity admitted, sauntering to a red velvet sofa and draping herself over it in her characteristically dramatic fashion. Twilight blinked. Where had the sofa come from? "Therapy and rehabilitation is so fashionable right now. All the major celebrities have some sort of emotional baggage, but my own closet is shamefully free of skeletons. Having some sort of issues really ought to add to my mystique, don't you think?"

As she talked, Rarity summoned a cushy-looking armchair out of nowhere, and Twilight settled into it gratefully. "Thanks, Rarity. This is a nice change from -"

"Oh, not there, darling." Rarity said quickly. "It's not straight. Do get up."

Twilight frowned, but complied, rising to her hooves and watching Rarity adjust it a fraction of an inch with an expression of the utmost concentration. "There!" she declared at last, satisfierd. Twilight didn't see the difference.

"Ah, like I was saying, this is a nice change from how...uncooperative everypony else has been so far. But I think you might be misunderstanding. I'm not here to give you a problem, I'm here to fix -"

"Wait!"

Twilight froze. Tendrils of unicorn magic swept over her, and she felt the bun of her mane twist even more tightly behind her neck.

"Rarity?" she asked haltingly.

"It was crooked," Rarity said just as quickly as before. "Do continue."

Twilight's eyes narrowed.

She hadn't noticed before, but Rarity's gaze was flitting back and forth nervously, tiny sweeps of flickering magic adjusting the rack of dresses she'd abandoned to answer thre door, even as she spoke to Twilight.

"Well, what's my diagnosis?" Rarity prompted, smiling. But Twilight's stare didn't leave the fidgeting swirls of magic until Rarity noticed her gaze and dropped what she was doing.

"I...I was going to say narcissistic personality disorder," the purple unicorn said slowly. Rarity had been sitting still before, but she was now twitching slightly, eyes flickering back and forth in a barely perceptible way. "Rarity, are you okay?"

"Okay? Aren't you here to tell me that?" she laughed. Her laugh was light and tinkling, a noblewoman's laugh, but it had a nervous edge.

"You can't sit still."

"Well, maybe I could if somepony didn't still have dirt all over her hooves that she tracked into my beautiful boutique!" Rarity snapped before catching herself. "I mean - narcissistic personality disorder? Why, that just sounds lovely, doesn't it?"

"I think I may have made a mistake."

"Oh, no mistake, it sounds wonderful!" And she clapped her hooves together eagerly for emphasis.

There was something about the rushing insistence in Rarity's voice that caught Twilight's attention even further; and then, a dress fell off the rack.

Before it had even hit the ground Rarity was there, frantically adjusting it and muttering about getting it straight.

She did this for about five minutes, not even noticing as Twilight quietly appeared by her side.

"Rarity."

"Oh, oh no, and I had it all perfect, too! Why is there dirt on the floor?! I just cleaned it this morning -!"

"RARITY."

Rarity's ear twitched. And then she turned to Twilight, beaming once again, just as she had earlier when she'd first entered the shop. "Hello, Twilight, dear! When did you get here?"

"I thought your problem was your vanity, but I think this is a bigger issue."

"Issue? What issues?" Rarity asked in a far-away voice, absently playing with a curl of hair. It was an obviously insincere gesture, only heightening Twilight's suspicions.

"Have you always been so obsessed with order?" She asked firmly.

"Oh, like you're one to talk!" Rarity suddenly snapped in a very un-ladylike fashion. "Miss Oh-No-I'll-Be-Tardy!"

"I think...you may have obsessive compulsive disorder." Twilight interrupted with finality, ignoring the jibe. As Ponyville's first

therapist she needed to stay above such petty insults. "A disruptive obsession with cleanliness and patterns that -"

She stopped. Rarity's left eye was twitching in a very unsettling way.

And suddenly she was sprawled on the floor, enormous gasping sobs escaping as she wailed, "IT'S TRUE! IT'S ALL TRUE!"

Twilight tried to take a step back, but Rarity threw her hooves around Twilight's legs, hugging them and keeping her from escaping as she howled, "And it's so glamorous! I tried so hard to hide it, but of course you found out, and now everypony will know! Oh, how scandalous! Why must I be burdened with a problem so..so...so unfabulous?! Who could stand a pony like me? Why must it be this way? Why me, WHY ME? WHY MUST I SUFFER SOOO?!"

Quietly pulling away, Twilight began to back up slowly. Rarity didn't even notice, too busy screeching on the floor.

And suddenly she bolted upright.

"Ah! Dirt! Why is the floor so dirty?!"

Bleach, mops, and buckets of warm water began to float into the room, and Twilight left as Rarity fell into a scrubbing frenzy, a

manic glint in her eye.

Maybe I'm not meant to do this, thought Twilight weakly as she left the boutique, ignoring the clatter she could hear from the dress shop.

Then again, maybe Fluttershy would be easier. She was such a sweet pony, her session couldn't possibly turn out as badly as the others had.