Cheese Sandwich sighed. Normally, he wanted to be surrounded by happy ponies with goofy smiles on their faces, but not right now. It was the curse of being funny. If he were being eaten by a shark and screaming, “help! I’m being eaten by a shark!” everypony would just stand around slapping their knees and wheezing, “oh, that Cheese Sandwich, he’s such a kidder,” as the shark made a picnic of his innards. It didn’t help that his right hind leg was frantically pistoning up and down, beating an impatient tattoo on the floor, independent of the rest of his body.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, forcing himself to settle back in his chair. Relax, Cheese. They’re Pinkie’s friends. I’m sure they’ll understand how important this is. But as soon as he opened them again and looked at each of them—Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity—all with the same knowing grin on her face, he knew he had an uphill struggle on his hooves.

“Looks like somepony’s a little nervicited,” said Applejack, winking at him. “Relax, Cheese. We got this all covered.”

“Nervicited? Is that even a word?” He snorted in frustration. “Do you mean nervous? I’m not nervous.”

Rarity raised one eyebrow. She said nothing, but as she sipped her tea, she glanced at his leg, which was now performing its own soft-horseshoe routine.

“Ignore that,” said Cheese, leaning heavily on his rogue leg in an attempt to get it to stop thumping. It didn’t work. “Look, I wish you wouldn’t blow this off as some kind of ‘nervous daddy’ routine. Pickles and ice cream, nervous expectant father, har de har.” He rolled his eyes. “Those jokes are so old that even I wouldn’t eat them. How much has Pinkie told you?”

Applejack frowned. “Well, she stopped by Sweet Apple Acres . . .”

“She did what?” exclaimed Cheese, his voice zooming up an octave.

“Relax, Sunny Jim. This was last week. Said something about the doctor and you making a big old fuss and that she had to stay in bed and how bored she was gonna be.”

“She wasn’t supposed to get up then, either! I give up,” he said, throwing up his hooves. “I’m going to have to sleep in front of the door. Did she say anything else?”

“No,” said Fluttershy, shaking her head. “She brought some baked treats for Angel Bunny a few days ago, and . . . ”

Cheese reminded himself not to utter the profanity that was rising to his lips. He needed to hear what Fluttershy had to say.

“She wanted to play with all the baby animals. She said she’d be saying goodbye to them for a while and that she was going to be so bored in bed with nothing to do.” Fluttershy leaned down and gave Gummy a piece of toast, and said “eep!” as the alligator closed its toothless jaws. Cheese knew from experience that the toast would eventually become a starchy, sodden mess, but right now, he was too worried to care.

“Oh, she’s bored, all right,” said Cheese, putting his hooves to his face and drawing them down over his eyes so that the bloodshot whites were visible. “And I’m not blaming her. I’d feel the same way.”

“That must have been when she stopped by the castle to use the library,” said Twilight Sparkle, tapping her chin with her hoof. “She asked if there was anything fun to read, and I picked out some books on the science of cake-baking.”

“That must be the mammoth thing by the side of the bed she hasn’t touched,” muttered Cheese, “but go on.”

“Spike loaned her about a million of his comic books, and she asked him to put them in her saddle bags, but he said he’d carry them instead.”

“Finally!” exclaimed Cheese, waving his front legs in the air. “Thank you, Spike! Why is it that Pinkie’s youngest friend is the only one with any common sense?” Applejack furrowed her eyebrows, and Rarity sniffed, but he could tell he’d offended all of them. He couldn’t afford to do that.

“Hey!” snapped Rainbow Dash, rising into the air in indignation. “I do too have common sense! Pinkie wanted to go cannonballing into the lake and see who could make a bigger splash, and I said no! Even Wonderbolts take some time off, and she’s like the size of a moose or something. Hey, what’s with the leg?”

“Cheesy Sense,” he said, through gritted teeth. “It wants me to go and throw a party. Ignore it.”

Rarity, who had finished her tea, lowered the cup back down to the coffee table. Cheese’s leg spasms were making it rattle so badly that she changed her mind and simply kept the cup aloft. “Forgive me, but it is rather difficult to ignore that, and I should have thought it would be impossible for you to ignore.”

No kidding, thought Cheese. Making other ponies laugh and going where he was needed wasn’t a choice. It was something he simply had to do, and he was already paying a price for trying to tune out his Cheesy Sense. At the same time, he really couldn’t leave Pinkie right now.

“Cheese, you’re our friend, too,” said Twilight Sparkle. “You can tell us what’s wrong. We’ll help if we can, won’t we?” They all made different affirmative noises.

He still hesitated. Nervous daddy—party pony—they’re just going to laugh it off, he thought. But maybe they wouldn’t, and anyway, he had to try.

“I’m not just some nervous daddy. The doctor’s put Pinkie on bed rest. She’s got high blood pressure. All her legs are swollen up. She’s about this far”—he held his hooves less than an inch apart—“from gestational diabetes. And she’s big: really, really big. And she’s so little to begin with. It’s not looking all that good. And yeah, I’m terrified. It’s getting really hard to ignore being pulled away, but if none of you are going to take this seriously, then I’ll just sit here and twitch until it’s over.”

He looked up again, and saw their facial expressions. They were taking it, and him, seriously. Twilight had been right, he thought. He felt much better now that he’d admitted how scared he was.

“I know how it feels when somepony tells you something isn’t serious and not to worry,” Twilight said, nodding. “It doesn’t make you feel better at all.”

“Yeah, that’s a lesson none of us is going to forget in a hurry,” said Rainbow Dash, rolling her eyes. “About the only good thing that came out of that was that Big Mac started his doll collection.”

“Didn’t think you two planned to have foals this soon,” said Applejack. “I would’ve figured you’d want to put it off and all, not that I’m saying that’s what you should’ve done.”

Cheese flushed crimson. “Well, um . . . ‘planned’ isn’t exactly the word I’d use. Planning wasn’t really part of the picture, and um, that’s we wound up here. But I’ve really gotten to like the idea. Just not at the expense of hurting Pinkie, and this is hurting her.” He rubbed his hoof through his mane until it stood straight up.

“Maybe you should talk to Carrot Cake,” suggested Twilight. “Maybe he could reassure you that it’s safe for you to leave.”

“I have talked to Carrot,” Cheese said, absently-mindedly juggling some spoons.

“Well, then. I’m sure he told you there’s noth—”

“Carrot’s worried, too,” Cheese said, cutting her off. “Did you know Cup Cake had a really tough time? There’s a reason they didn’t have any foals after Pumpkin and Pound. Believe me, he was going out of his way not to worry me, but he and Cup Cake stopped by to visit Pinkie, and he said a lot of it reminded him of what they went through.”

He dropped the spoons: one, two, three. “Look, the doctor’s doing what he can, and he seems to know what he’s doing. The problem is that Pinkie won’t take it seriously, and she won’t stay in bed. And she really has to be in bed. We’re trying to buy her some time. Things aren’t going right. They’re happening too soon.”

“What things?” asked Twilight, perking up her ears.

“Just . . . things,” Cheese said, avoiding Twilight’s eyes. At this point, if it weren’t for Pinkie, he would have been in a full out run. He did not want to discuss this. Twilight Sparkle, however, was not to be deterred.

“I was looking this up after Pinkie stopped by the library,” she enthused. “She mentioned ‘bed rest,’ and of course I wanted to know more. I found some really good books on pony obstetrics. Maybe you’d like to see them.”

Cheese felt his eyes go wide. Even his wildly scrabbling leg froze in horror for a moment before starting up again. No, he did not want to look at a book on pony obstetrics right now. Right now, that was the last thing he needed.

Twilight went blithely on. “It mentioned some things about high-risk pregnancies and some of the symptoms, like premature lactation.” Rarity shuddered. “And that it’s sometimes an indication of—”

Cheese held his hooves over his ears. “Can you ask the doctor or Nurse Redheart about this?” he pleaded. “Or maybe you should just ask Pinkie when you talk to her, but talking to all of you about this feels weird. I don’t think I can do it.”

“Really, darling,” agreed Rarity, floating her tea cup over to another small table so that she didn’t need to keep it airborne, “that’s really not tea-time conversation, especially not in mixed company.”

“Looking after Pinkie’s been a full-time job,” he confessed. “I’ve had to close the shop, because I can’t turn my back for a minute or she’ll be out of bed. You know, until I married her, I didn’t realize how much of a farm girl she still is. Every morning, when it’s barely light out, she tries to go down to the kitchen to start baking. It’s automatic, and it’s really hard to stop her.”

“Oh,” said Applejack, nodding her head and looking Cheese square in the eye. “So that’s how it is.”

“Exactly,” he said grimly, leaning forward towards Applejack, before he was distracted by his leg again.

“Excuse me, not following this here,” said Rainbow Dash, hovering upside down—a sure indicator that she was beginning to get bored.

“Earth pony thing, Rainbow,” Applejack explained. “Pinkie wants to get up lickety-split and work. Ever notice how hard it is to tire her out? Put it that way, and I agree. I’d go plumb crazy. But listen up; mares have been dropping foals since before Celestia started raising the sun—older ‘n that, and four times as natural. It ain’t like Pinkie’s sick. She’s just pregnant. Sounds like she’s having a tough one, but Pinkie’s tough, too. I’m sure she’ll come through it OK.”

“Could you guarantee that?” he said quietly.

Applejack paused. “No,” she said slowly. “No, I couldn’t at all. Tell you what, though—I’ll get Granny to come on down and see Pinkie. She’s seen it all in her time.”

“Good,” he said. “Oh, and there’s one other thing. She’s not allowed to have sugar.”

Rainbow Dash actually landed and sat down. “Whoa. Must be tough keeping her off the cupcakes.”

“Especially since she tries to bake them every morning! I can’t stop her! Don’t even get me started on candy, ice cream, cake, pie . . . it’s pretty much everything she eats.” He dropped his head into his hooves. “I haven’t been Pinkie’s husband all that long, and I’m not even a father yet, and already I stink at it. I was on my own too long, I guess, and I never had to look after anything or anypony but myself. What made me think I could do this? I should never have . . .”

“Never have what, Cheese?” said Applejack. “Never have married her? You’d best not let Pinkie hear you say that.”

“Pinkie married you because she wanted to. She wouldn’t be better off without you. You know that’s not true,” murmured Fluttershy.

Well, it wasn’t true, thought Cheese, and he adored Pinkie, but that wasn’t the same thing as deserving her. If anything happened to her because of him, he didn’t know what he’d do. He was relieved when Twilight Sparkle levitated a pencil and a piece of paper over to herself. She’s going to make a checklist, he thought, and he felt oddly comforted by this.

“So,” she said briskly, “let’s make a list. What can we do to help?”

“Just keep an eye on her,” he said. “Keep her company, try to distract her and keep her from getting bored, and don’t let her eat sweets.”

“Tough, but simple,” said Applejack. “Can she eat apples? I’ll bring over a whole bushel next time. You know what they say—fruit is nature’s candy.”

“I’m pretty sure Pinkie would say that candy is candy, but that would probably help a lot. Thank you, Applejack.”

“I shall make a fabulous bed jacket,” Rarity announced.

Well, the bed jacket wouldn’t keep Pinkie distracted for very long, Cheese thought, but the fact that Rarity had made something for her would certainly make her happy.

“I’ll create a roster,” Twilight said. “We’ll take it in shifts to be with Pinkie. Starting tomorrow, one of us will be with Pinkie all the time. You can leave it to us.”

Considering that they’d saved all of Equestria multiple times, they ought to be able to manage to keep one mare in bed, even if that mare was Pinkie. Still—

“I feel really selfish,” he said, and the leg twitches doubled in strength.

“Well, what does Pinkie think?” said Twilight.

A soprano voice shrieked from the next room, “CHEESE SANDWICH! GET A MOVE ON! YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT TWO DAYS AGO!”

“I’M STILL DECIDING WHAT TO DO, PINKS!”

“YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME!”

“THAT WAS A COINCIDENCE!”

“I think maybe we should leave,” murmured Fluttershy, and rose from her chair. “And I’ll be here after I’ve fed all my critters. Even if you decide not to go after all.”

“Yeah, get it out of your systems,” agreed Rainbow Dash. “I’ll be over after my shift tomorrow.”

“And I’ll take the night shift,” said Applejack, standing and stretching. “Pinkie’s one of my best friends, and she’s family, too; I mean, it’s practically like she’s family,” she added hurriedly, because she still tried not to flaunt the possible family connection in front of everypony else. “Nothing’s happening to her if I can help it.”

“I’ll draw up the roster and we’ll have a plan by morning,” said Twilight. “Have a good trip. We’ll do everything we can to keep Pinkie safe.”

Cheese watched them go, all of Pinkie’s friends. She was lucky to have so many ponies who cared for her, and it was sheer idiocy not to trust them. He did trust them. He just didn’t want to leave her, and that was that. There was no need for him to pack, so he simply went into the next room where Pinkie was in bed, and sat down next to her very carefully.

“Hiya, Cheesie,” she said, and smiled. “See? Nothing to worry about. I have the best friends ever.”

“I know,” he said, putting his hoof on hers. “I just don’t feel good about this.”

“Well,” Pinkie murmured, “if you really want to make me feel good, you know what you can do.” Her wide blue eyes met his. “Get me some cookies.” She batted her eyelashes.

It was almost impossible to say no to that face. If you looked “cute” up in the dictionary, you’d find a picture of Pinkie’s face looking just like that. He reached down deep, past the party bomb and the hats and the punch bowls, and came up with some willpower. “No.”

“Ice cream?”

“No.”

“Candy? Just one little piece?”

“No.”

“Aw, phooey,” said Pinkie, and pushed out her lip in a pout. “You’re no fun.”

He put his hoof under her chin and lifted her face up. “I promise. The second this is over, you can have as much sugar as you like. That’s why you can’t have it now, ok?” He gave her a peck on the lips.

“Ok,” she said, and sighed. “Where is it this time?”

“Vanhoover,” he said. “I wish it wasn’t so far away. Maybe I won’t go after all.”

She sat up much too quickly, considering that it was nearly impossible for her to bend in the middle. “No, Cheesie! You have to go.” She squeezed his hoof tightly between both of hers. “You know what happens if you try to fight it. It’s really, really bad.”

“That was different,” he pointed out. “I was really confused, and I didn’t know what I was doing. Then I had that accident in Seaddle, but I was totally fine. It wasn’t a big deal.”

“Oh, no, Cheesie,” she said, shaking her head. He seldom saw such a serious expression on her face. “It was really, really bad. I was trying to bake a cake and suddenly I couldn’t feel you anymore. I thought you’d died. You almost did. Don’t you remember? Most of your magic was gone. I’m so glad you came back to me then, ‘cause you were in big trouble.”

She let go of his hoof and began to fuss with her blankets, her eyes cast down. “That can’t happen again, ok, Cheesie? ‘Cause you’re my bestest best friend in the world.”

He absolutely loved it when she said that. She looked up and smiled again. “And besides, you’re making other ponies happy for me, remember? I really need you to do that when I can’t. Make them laugh for us, ok?”

“Both of you?” he asked, and smiled.

For some reason, she wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Um, yep. Will you take the train back, please? Because I know you have to go, but I do want you back really soon. Take some of the bits out of the jar.”

He nodded, but secretly he resolved to take the boxcar. It was just as quick, and she’d never know.

“Play for us, Cheesie.” She yawned. “Maybe we can get some sleep. And I think th—it likes Daddy’s accordion.”

He’d only waited to be asked. It was something he did every night now, playing Pinkie and the foal to sleep, but this time, it meant a lot more. It meant, “I love you: wait for me.”

It wasn’t really a lullaby. It was actually a love song, but he meant it for both of them: to sleep, and to dream of him. Before he’d even finished the final verse, Pinkie had snuggled back into the pillows. Her long eyelashes had fluttered shut and were casting a shadow on her cheeks, and her soft breathing told Cheese that she was asleep.

In some ways, it was easier this way. Just one kiss, and then goodbye.

He didn’t want to say “goodbye.” It made him feel uneasy, somehow, and besides, that really wasn’t what he wanted to say.

“Goodnight, beautiful,” he said, and kissed her on the top of her head: gently, so he wouldn’t wake her. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

~~

Pinkie woke some time later. Her eyes flew open. The room was dark, and Cheese must have slipped away while she was asleep. Then she felt again what had awakened her: little hooves frantically scrambling around inside, performing a wild dance on her stomach as though it were a giant rubber ball, flailing as though they were juggling.

Four little hooves.

Eight.

Twelve.

“Ouch! Hey!” she squealed, and she tapped sharply on her belly with her hoof. “Keep it down in there! Mommy’s trying to sleep!” She giggled. “Usually other ponies say stuff like that to me! Save the party for later, babies. Just wait for Daddy to get home, and Mommy and Daddy will teach you how to party, and we’ll have a super-duper good time. Just wait, ok?” Her lips quivered and a brief flicker of worry crossed her face. “Just wait,” she murmured to herself, circling her hoof on her stomach, “‘cause I’m sure he’ll get back in time. I know he’ll get back in time.” She smiled and addressed the crowd in her belly again. “Wait till your Daddy gets home, and we’ll surprise him. All four of us!”

Author's Notes:

This isn’t necessarily part of my CheesePie arc. It’s something that might happen, or then again, it might not. This story is a prequel to Triple Threat and another story that will be coming out shortly, called Triple Slam.

Normally, I’m not big on pregnancy fics, and I think this is the first one I’ve ever written.

As usual, thanks to everyone who reads this and to my followers, and thanks once again to DragonFoxGirl for allowing me to use her lovely cover art.

Oh, and by the way: the song Cheese plays for Pinkie and the foals is also the chapter title.