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The Conversion Bureau - The Return of the King

by Dan_s Comments

Chapter 5: 5) There's Tears in My Ears

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The Conversion Bureau - The Return of the King
There's Tears in My Ears by Dan's Comments
Disclaimer: My Little Ponies is the property of Hasbro, Inc.
Godzilla is the property of Toho Company Ltd.


"So what did the Princess' letter say?" Rarity asked as she stared at the badly delayed sunrise. The Mane Six rode aboard the Friendship Express on a special mission to Canterlot.

"That a horrible monster attacked Canterlot," Twilight said, "And the Princesses want us in Canterlot. They are even calling in Cadence and Shining Armor."

"Oh no!" Fluttershy exclaimed, "I hope the horrible monster didn't hurt him."

"Who? My brother?" Twilight asked.

"Well, that too, but the nice gentleman I met this morning. Some of my animal friends were nervous about him, so I went out to talk with him." She hid her face in her mane. "He was very polite and accommodating."

Twilight stared at her in confusion.

"Aw, just let me at it! I'll take care of it," Rainbow said, then winced as she moved her wings.

"Maybe if they fired you out of Pinkie's cannon," Twilight said.

"Ready whenever you are," Pinkie offered as she wheeled her cannon into sight.

Rainbow, Twilight and Rarity facehoofed. Twilight looked over to Applejack who stared out the window towards Canterlot through a large pair of binoculars.

"Applejack?" Twilight asked.

Applejack sat back with a thoughtful expression. "Twi?" Applejack asked as they approached Canterlot. "Why'd they translate it 'Godzilla'? Technically, it would be Gojira, although the j is close to a dz sound, and the r is somewhere between our r and l sounds so why . . . ?" Applejack noted Twilight's amazed stare. "Well boy howdy don't mah mouth jist go runnin' off t'all over the place." She grinned nervously at Twilight.

"Thought so," Twilight said.

"I for one am impressed by the bold lines, and the strikingly good penmanship," Rarity added as she looked through Applejack's binoculars at the message, "I wonder, without the Elements, what does the Princess expect us to do?"

"We'll find out when we get there," Twilight said.
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Luna spotted the Mane 6 as they entered the castle proper. "TWILIGHT SPARKLE," Luna said, pinning their ears back and sending the ponies slowly sliding back across the polished marble floor, "I AM VERY GLAD YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS WERE ABLE TO COME SO QUICKLY."

"I thought we cured her of that," Rarity whispered to Twilight as she scrambled for grip, but kept smiling at the princess.

"THE MONSTER'S ATTACK WAS FEROCIOUS, ALTHOUGH FORTUNATELY, NONE WERE SERIOUSLY HARMED," Luna told them.

"Night Light," Discord said happily. Luna and Twilight glowered at him. "And you, the cute, accident-prone one," Discord said as he patted Rainbow on the head. Rainbow bit him. Discord took a deep breath and 'blew', a bubble traveled down his bitten arm. Rainbow's wings suddenly inflated until they burst their casts.

Rainbow fluttered her balloon-like wings and looked confused at the lack of pain that had been part of her wings since her earlier encounter with the monster. She released Discord's arm, and started to thank him. Instead, an odd drone came out of her mouth as her wings deflated to normal.

She glared at Discord who laughed uproariously.

"WE APOLOGIZE FOR DISCORD'S ANTICS," Luna said, "HE DRAWS THE MOST PERVERSE PLEASURE FROM THE CONTEST BETWEEN MY DEAR SISTER AND THIS BLASPHEMOUS MONSTER."

"Yer Highness," Applejack began.

"YES APPLEJACK?" Luna said, and sent Applejack sliding back several feet.

"What's with the Royal Canterlot Voice?" Applejack asked.

"EXCUSE ME?" Luna asked.

"What's with the Royal Canterlot Voice?" Applejack shouted.

"YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP, MY EARS ARE RINGING FROM THE FIRST BATTLE," Luna shouted.

"That explains it," Applejack said.

"WHERE'S PRINCESS CELESTIA?" Twilight asked, then glanced around, "When in Roam."
------------------------------

The sea's cold, supporting embrace surrounded me. The few pony ships that had tried to pursue me were lost as I dove deep and outpaced them. I vaguely wondered what would happen if I led the ponies to the work I'd done. But I discarded the thought. What I'm making is for the humans. If they decide the ponies need that refuge as well, it will be their decision, not mine.

I continued on, observing the natural magical radiation surrounding me, and wondering what next the ponies would do. I hardly need to 'eat' anymore, the three high-powered shots will sustain me for the foreseeable future.
------------------------------

"The HORROR! THE HORROR!" Rarity shrieked as she ran around in circles in Celestia's dayroom, too offended to even faint properly. The source of her distress stood unmoving and unreacting in the middle of the large room.

"Your Highness," Twilight said, looking everywhere except her mentor's denuded form.

"How'd he get your eyebrows too?" Rainbow asked as she fluttered close to the furless wonder.

"I LOVE WHEN YOU COMB MY HAIR! OH, MY HAIR LOOKS BEAUTIFUL. MY WINGS ARE SO PRETTY! MY BARRETTES LOOK SO PRETTY! YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!" Celestia said, staring vacantly straight ahead and sending even Princess Luna scrambling for purchase on the marble floors.

"Dashie, I like hugs, but you're hurting me," Pinkie said as she turned purple.

"Oh, sorry."

"We must avenge our princess' dignity!" Twilight announced with a fist in the air. She paused, took the prosthetic off and looked at Discord with disgust as he arrived.

"We must ignore that she started it!" Discord announced, mirroring Twilight's pose as he entered. "He carved that message, and was leaving when Naked Sol Rat shot him in the back. Several times." He looked at Celestia and cringed. "Eww. Wrinkly."

Luna glowered at him. He materialized a button on her head and dialed it down from 11 to 3 on the included scale.

"You can thank me later," Discord said, then looked around as everyone cringed at the idea of Luna speaking.

"I," Luna began, and realized she wasn't blowing everyone to the exits. "Thank you," she said to Discord. "I believe that as desperate as the attack has made us."

"Show of force, not attack," Discord said, "Let's keep the record straight."

"Why do you want to keep decent records all of a sudden?" Applejack asked.

"I want you to keep the record straight. I just want to point out, again, that ponies started this. Ponies even summoned that creature. And now you're all going to plan some horrific revenge without talking to them, against someone who was just doing his job," Discord said.

The shamed ponies looked around. Several scuffed at the floor with their hooves.

"Like me," Discord said and sniffled. They rolled their eyes and looked at their princess.

"Well, we still need to deal with big, white and wrinkly." He threw a bottle at Celestia. As everypony shouted and failed to catch it, it broke over her still form.

Suddenly, there stood a giant, bipedal rabbit with the name tag 'Harvey'. "Oops, boy. Wrong bottle." He threw another one. The bipedal, redheaded Rabbit was definitely a mammalian female very obviously. Discord's jaw dropped, he picked it up and commented, "Wow, Celestia, you never, woah."

"Can we leave her like this, it would be such an improvement?" Discord looked at the frowning ponies.

"Change her back before she falls over!" Rainbow shouted as she and Pinkie struggled to keep the figure from falling on her, face.

"I don't know what went wrong," Discord said from behind his Derpy mask. The ponies advanced a step. "But I'll fix it!"

"Y'all didn't use a spellchecker didya?" Applejack asked. Discord and even Celestia winced at that.

"Fine." Discord held out the bottle to Fluttershy. The label read 'Hair Restorer'. When Fluttershy nodded, he dumped the bottle on Celestia.
------------------------------

The doors to Celestia's dayroom burst open and a great cascade of etheric nimbus flowed out with ponies trapped inside.

"HAIRVALANCE!" Except Rainbow who surfed out of the room on the vast deluge of mane.

"Little much I admit," Discord said.

Rarity gathered up two forelegs full. "When you clip it, Can I have the overflow?"

"Certainly not," Luna insisted.

"Just for dresses for her valiant Elements, and yourselves."

'"No," Luna told Rarity.

"Please!" Rarity said trying to look as cute as Fluttershy.

"No. We auction this off to fanatical admirers. How else do you think she afforded all this without exorbitant tax rates?"

The ponies nodded sagely. Discord face palmed.

"While I did not agree to the use the potion was initially put to. I think we must consider that it must be used on Godzilla."

Twilight and the others nodded.

"Luna," Discord said with an odd aura of seriousness, "You have a choice no pony has ever faced. You have your fear which might become reality, and you have Godzilla, which is reality."

The ponies looked at each other in confusion.
------------------------------

Discord caught up with Luna as she marched through the castle's corridors, trying to give the shaken populace a sense of security.

"Quite a mission," Discord said, "And of course, using the potion on such a big, strapping buck has nothing to do with you well." Discord pulled down a curtain labeled 'privacy curtain'.

After several moments of increasingly heated debate, the curtains rattled back up into their holders. "That's disgusting!" Luna shouted, "I did this for the good of Equestria. That he might become an Alicorn stallion is utterly -"

Discord had produced a yardstick and measured to the top of the arc of her tail. Luna had fallen silent when Discord showed her how much higher she was holding her tail than normal. "'Utterly' what?" he asked.

Luna snorted and marched away.

"Just remember to get him before your sister does," he called after her. "Ah, my work is never done." He twirled the yardstick like a baton as he walked off whistling Ravel's Bolero.

Next Chapter: 6) Devil in Disguise Estimated time remaining: 2 Hours, 32 Minutes
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