I stared at the door, waiting calmly. I had time now, and I needed to think of ways to explain myself. I dragged myself up from the dead, but I knew it wouldn't be easy explaining why I did so, or why I saw fit to try and take it from another living being.

I'd sorted out my affairs, I had died in peace. But as I laid down, I saw everything I'd left behind. I watched seasons pass, I'd seen the people I left behind live for months like zombies. And I wasn't going to let this chance to see them again, to apologize, to tutor, to be there. I could let go, I could give this man his life back, but I needed that chance.

It was selfish, horridly so, but I hadn't killed yet. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't. This other being was part of me, a me I had no right to interfere with, yet here I was, threatening to take his body for my own.

I felt guilty. More than any other fight, more than any other killing. Of the many, many people I've killed, the men whos throats I slit in their sleep, of those I shot in battle, the men I'd killed from half a mile away through a telescopic sight, this was the single worst instance. And I had not pulled the trigger, the man wasn't dead.

The door to my small hospital room swung open, Celestia herself rushing in. "Able!" She snapped her head towards me and stormed over, "What is this!?"

I looked down at my hand, cuffed to the side of the bed. "Just about exactly what it looks like. I'm tied to a bed, someone I love screaming down at me."

Celestia started growing red. "You know what I mean! You- you were gone. You'd told everyone goodbye, you'd--"

"And now I'm back."

Celestia started shaking her head, "But you're not!" she perched her forelegs on the bed, "Able...we both know--"

"Know what!?" I shouted, sitting upright. "Look at me, I'm the same person, I'm--"

"--The same as when I left!" I screamed, once again not in control of my voice. "Oh god, what!?" I found myself staring at the local royalty once again. "You- you gotta help me! What is going on!?"

The princess' face went sour, "I'm trying. But this isn't going to be an easy process."

I started shaking my head, "I-I-I don't even know what's going on! What's--"

"--Happening!?" I pulled my head to the side, "You know, it really would be easy to just kill him. I really don't want to, I really just want to live a little more." I mumbled, turning back to Celestia. "Silver Spoon...you...my friends. Is it so bad I want to see them again? I mean...I've seen them, I've seen Silver Spoon forced to live like someone twice her age. I've seen you harassing your guard, looking for someone--"

"Able." Celestia put her hoof on my chest, "You know I can't let you do this, don't you?"

I let out a long sigh. "I knew you'd say something like that."

"Able, you can't just steal someone's identity, their body, their life. And I wouldn't be--"

I stared at her, head cocked to the side. "I was planning on leaving it up to you. But I thought you'd be a little more hesitant about killing me."

Celestia started slowly rubbing her hoof up and down my gut. "You had your chance...and when the time came...you let go--"

"Did I!?" I snapped, "All those things I said...I meant them, but, Celestia, I was scared!" I grabbed her foreleg with my free hand, "I didn't want to say goodbye, I had to! I didn't want to leave Silver Spoon out there alone, fending for herself when my contacts fell through! I didn't want to leave you alone, even when I made myself leave, name a single day when I didn't send you something!"

Celestia just stared at me. "Able, I can't let this happen."

I glared at her, "You'd kill me for some man you know nothing about? You'd deny a child a guardian, you'd rip away her childhood, leave her to do the paperwork of grown men and women for hours instead of growing up healthy? Celestia I'd come back...I'd stay with you. I couldn't bring myself to do it before, my old self- I suppose this self still, is horrid. But I think- I want to try again, I want to be the kind caring person that this man is-" I touched my chest, "This is my life just as much as it is his. This is what I would have been if I hadn't been forced to fight, to kill, if I hadn't offered myself up."

"Able--"

"This is what I died to become. This is what I was always fighting for, a chance for others to live this freedom, but I don't deserve to do the same!? I paid my dues...and as selfish as it may be, I don't want your judgment until you've lived through what I have! Until you've seen your friends ripped apart before your eyes, until you've landed in an alien world scared alone, until you've found the one person who might understand what that's like and you fuck up your chance to be with her. Until you've forced yourself away because you can't bear to see the face of someone you love, staring down at you, worried about you, pitying you.... Until you've seen your life finally turn from martyrism to mentor ship, fatherhood, only to have it all ripped away in months, don't you dare fucking place judgment on me."

I stared out at the princess. "I don't- what?" I asked, not comprehending the speech that just left my mouth. "What the hell does that even mean!?" I felt a jolt of pain shoot through my body, foreign memories flooding through me. "Able, serial number zero-zero-one-one-one, ready and active!" I screamed, unable to control my voice.

The princess' hoof was planted square on my ribs. "Mr. Bannen, I need you to trust me and I need you to go to sleep."

I grabbed her foreleg, "No, no no no, no sleep! I can't!"

Celestia's magic tightened around my shoulders, "I promise you, I'm going to fix this, I'm going to make you better." She stepped back, holding me down with her magic. "But I need you to get some rest, and trust that I'll do the right thing."

I stared at her, my eyes burning rather harshly. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, but looking at the princess, Celestia, the name I'd never heard yet knew instinctively, I knew I could trust her. Promises kept long ago told me she would do what was right. "Alright...." I mumbled, letting my hand fall to my side. "I- just please...help me."

Celestia took a long look at me, long enough to make me question her intent. "I'll try." Next Chapter: Talking To Yourself Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 33 Minutes