Twilight stared at her newest research project. Her newest research project stared back. They made eye contact for a moment before the young princess looked away with a blush. The silence was almost palpable.

"So are you going to just sit there staring at me or what?" Squidward asked indignantly, waving a tiny tentacle. He seemed a little upset about sitting in the crux of Twilight's hoof, but wasn't really making much of a fuss about it.

"Oh, I'm quite sorry but my mentor sent me a copy of you for me to research. You're really quite the fascinating subject!" Twilight said, perking up at the reminder of her task. There was nothing in heaven nor Tartarus that could keep her from completing a task once it was started, especially one assigned by Celestia herself. She wouldn't fail her mentor!

"Well when you're quite done doing your...wait, what?! A copy of me? How does that even work! Spongebob wouldn't even..."

"Yes, that's quite right. Now can you move over a little and let me take a closer look at your tentacles? I need a clear vantage point to see what it is you squidlings use to reproduce with, and having your limbs in the way isn't helping."

"No. No, no, no, no, no!! NO!! NNOOO!!!!"

"But-"

"NO, NO, NO!!"

"We've got work to-"

"No, God no! NNOOO!!!"

"Listen here mister!"

"NNNNOOOO!!!!"

"Are you quite done yet?"

"..."

"..."

"...No."

Twilight Sparkle pouted at the hinderance, but the little project was far too small for her to force it to reveal itself. It would certainly take some coaxing, she knew that much. Twilight chuckled at that; she was no slouch when it came to convincing somepony to do just about anything for the sake of science!

"Well if you don't want me to study something for purely academic reasons, we could always test your regenerative properties. That could be fun!"

"..."

"Ssssppiiiikkkkeeee!!!!"

"Ugh, what is it, Mistress?" the young drake responded to his employer's beck and call. "Let me guess, someone stole your sweet-roll. No wait, that'd be stupid. You need me to take a letter, don't you?"

"Elementary, my dear assistant," she responded before reciting everything she wanted written down in front of her hapless minion. The lavender mare quickly perused the message to make sure there weren't any grammatical sins sticking out before folding it up and placing it in an envelope.

"Okay, you can send it now, Spike."

"Yes, Mistress!" With a puff of his fiery draconic breath, Spike turned the letter into a pile of ash that magically blew off to Canterlot. Don't ask how that works, it's magic. "Can I get some sleep, Mistress?" he begged.

"You've done a good job, my faithful assistant. Of course you may rest."

And with that, a good day's worth of work was finished. The squid thing had been thoroughly investigated and the data collected. All in all, what more could Celestia ask for?

Dear Princess Celestia,

All my research on this strange new species went rather well. Once we started talking disection, he became quite cooperative. Their breeding methods are rather strange, but I have all the details written down in the attached journal. I've even included ways in which such a creature could possibly stimulate an alicorn sexually, just as you'd asked. Why you'd want to know such a thing baffles me, but I suppose it isn't my place to question your motives.

The creature actually seems fairly intelligent, something that surprised me. Where did you stumble on this new species? Whatever the case, he was an interesting read and I'm glad to give you all the help I can in this matter.

We really should get back together sometime soon. Maybe catch up for old time's sake? At your convenience, of course.

Your Faithful Student,

Twilight Sparkle.

Celestia idly checked the letter before setting it aside for the real meat of the message. She scanned through the needlessly long and unimportant report before finding what she was actually looking for.

PONIES AND SQUIDS ARE INCOMPATIBLE AND CANNOT PRODUCE OFFSPRING

She smiled before pulling out the enclosed squid that she'd sent. Squidward looked up at her for moment before he realized just exactly what she wanted of him.

"Oh yes, my little squid. You've just received a personal one-way ticket to my royal bedchambers! Now come let Molly take care of you."

Twilight woke up to the sound of Spike vomiting out a new scroll. She excitedly hopped out of bed to see what new message her mentor had sent her. Maybe it was praises for her good work? Maybe it was a present!

"Oh goody!" she said before promptly opening the letter. Her face fell as she read the contents.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

I find the results of your research rather unsatisfactory. You didn't test any of your research, did you? No matter, that is not what's important. It is critical that you come over to Canterlot immediately so that we can study this further in my bedchambers.

Forever your loving mentor,

Princess Celestia

"...Well shit."