Dungeons and Dragon(s)

Wally hummed his adventuring song to himself as he trotted down the hallway with a new found spring in his step. He had more or less recovered from his experience in the darkness before and he was finally back in the groove so to speak. His adventuring spirit had returned and lit a fire under his flank and he was more determined than ever to finish his quest and save the comic shop from foreclosure. He stepped around a pressure plate and over a trip wire, smiling to himself as he avoided setting off what was more than likely an insanely complicated and elaborate trap meant to deter any and all who dared seek out the nerdy treasure that waited deeper within. Wally reached the end of the hallway and came to a large iron door that he examined thoughtfully. This door was different than any of the others he had come across so far and he briefly pondered why that could possibly be.

The main vault? He thought.

He frowned thoughtfully as he checked the door for any signs of trip wires or anything like that.

No, it didn’t seem likely. He had come a long way sure, but after all the crazy stuff he’d gone through just to get this far, it felt… anticlimactic to have nothing but a simple iron door be all that stands between him and Limited Edition’s most prized possessions. He considered all the games that he had ever played, all the fantasy novels he had ever read and realized that a big iron door only meant one thing.

Mini-Boss.

Wally felt butterflies in his stomach. Whatever lay behind this door was going to be a challenge and he couldn’t wait to see what it was. He took a moment to check his inventory before continuing forward.

Watermelons x99

“Alright.” He nodded. “I’m good.”

He gripped the door’s ring handle in his mouth and pulled. The door slowly swung open and Wally jumped inside, totally ready for a no holds barred session of gratuitous violence only to find an empty chamber.

Well, not "empty" empty. There just wasn’t an obvious boss or anything like that. The room was wide and illuminated by flickering torches set in iron sconces fixed to six stone pillars that supported the ceiling. At the other end of the chamber was the door that led further into the dungeon. Standing between two pillars in the middle of the room were two suits of heavy plate armor facing each other and standing at attention. One had its hooves wrapped around a huge war hammer; the other was wielding a battle ax that would have been more at home in the hands of a Nord. Wally looked at them anxiously, too nervous to move. He’d played Oubliettes and Ogres before. He knew what suits of innocuous looking armor standing in a hallway meant.

Before he could contemplate his next course of action, the door slammed shut behind him and heavy bars dropped down from the frame, locking Wally inside. What happened next was all too cliché and predictable, but frightening nonetheless. The suits of armor slowly turned their heads towards Wally, two dots of red light that served as eyes glowing from behind their visors.

“Aw pony feathers,” Wally muttered.

The Iron Horseshoes stepped off of their display stands and readied their weapons as they slowly started clanking towards him, their heavy hoof steps echoing in the chamber.

“Stay calm,” Wally whispered to himself. “Stay calm! Stay-”

With a groaning creak, the first Iron Horseshoe dashed forward, moving much faster than Wally anticipated, and brought its hammer down with terrifying force. Wally let out a panicked squeal and rolled out of the way, the hammer missing him by mere inches and shattering the spot on the stone floor that Wally had been standing in with a loud metallic CLANG! Wally scrambled to his hooves and backed away, trying to come up with a plan. He ducked and dodged a sweeping arc from the second horseshoe’s ax and the second round of their battle began. Wally stood rooted to the spot and waited for an opening. The Horseshoe nearest to him brought his ax down just as Wally had hoped he would and Wally dodged by hopping back with a nervous yelp. He only looked at the ax and contemplated how he’d have been split in half like a piece of lumber for a second before he launched his counter attack. He took a galloping start and jumped into the air, planting his back hooves into the Iron Horseshoe’s face in what was effectively the pony equivalent of a drop kick, or rather a drop buck as the case may be. His impact sent the enemy’s helmet flying through the air where it clattered against a pillar before falling to the floor and vanishing in a puff of magical sparkling smoke. The rest of its body however wrenched its ax from the floor and advanced towards Wally, seemingly unaffected by its lack of a head.

“All right,” Wally nodded, rising to his hooves and backing away. “Looks like I’ll just have to take you guys apart piece by piece, huh?”

The second attack came when the other Iron Horseshoe brought his own hammer down on Wally, who had only a split second to roll out of the way to avoid his head being the melon in a stand-up comedy show. Wally rushed forward and slammed into the Horseshoe, knocking one of his forelegs off in the process. The leg vanished just like its brother’s head had and Wally laughed to himself.

“Okay, this isn’t so hard!” He said.

The three-legged Iron Horseshoe wielding the hammer slowly rose to its hind legs and let out a dark echoing whinny. Wally watched in silent awe and horror as the horseshoe began to spin like a top with its hammer outstretched.

“Aw, geez!” Wally cried.

He dropped down and rolled away as the Horseshoe made contact with a pillar and reduced it to a pile of rubble. Wally coughed as dust filled his lungs and debris stung his eyes. He blindly rolled away from the monsters as fast as he could and felt his body make contact with a wall. He quickly stood up and blinked the debris from his eyes and looked up just in time to see the headless horseshoe bring his ax down on him.

“Suika No Jutsu!” Wally yelled.

There was a puff of smoke followed by a wet splattering sound as the Horseshoe buried his ax in the spot Wally had been. The smoke cleared and the Horseshoe looked down to see a watermelon, split evenly in half right down the middle.

“You thought you could kill me by chopping off my head…” A voice said from the shadows above.

The Iron Horseshoe looked up just in time to see a flash of green rapidly descend from the shadows above before being hit in the… face? Neck hole?

Before being struck by a watermelon.

“Butcha got Watermel-owned instead!” Wally yelled as the melon exploded into juicy pink and green chunks.

The other Iron Horseshoe could only stand and watch in bewilderment as Wally pulled another watermelon from his vest of holding (restricted to melons and melon accessories, for balance purposes, you know) and he grinned at the Horseshoe as he bounced the melon on his hoof.

“Come on,” Wally said. “Make my neigh!”

Unable to appreciate such witty and glorious wordplay, the Iron Horseshoe became enraged and charged forward, brandishing its hammer with reckless abandon. Wally focused his chi directly into his watermelon and hurled it with the force of a cannonball; striking the Horseshoe in the face and taking its head clean off. Wally ran forward and jumped into the air, coming down on the Horseshoe with a mighty kick and taking off the creature’s other foreleg in the process.

Something that Wally strongly believed in and something that his master had often discouraged was when faced with a stronger opponent, Wally often resorted to just whaling on them and hoping he could wear them down with sheer tenacity and brute force. One day this might get him into trouble, but right now it seemed to be playing in his favor.

Wally heard a creaking from behind him and jumped out of the way just in time to avoid a blow from the other Horseshoe’s ax. Instead, its weapon struck his brother, shattering what was left of its body and utterly destroying it in the process. Wally somersaulted and drew another melon from his vest as he landed on his hooves just as the last piece of the fallen horseshoe’s body vanished.

“Guess I should have warned you, dudes. Fighting me? The first three rows is a splash zone!”

He cocked his hoof back and hurled the melon with all his might, sending the Horseshoe flying back and into a pillar which crumbled from the impact and buried the magical construct in a pile of rubble. A piece of armor rolled over to Wally and bumped into his hoof before poofing out of existence.

“Booyakasha!” Wally said as the door out of the chamber slid open.

He exited through the door, now more confident than ever. He had to be nearing the end now. After the obstacle course of doom, the Sphinx, the scary cave of horribleness and the iron horseshoes, he honestly couldn’t think of anything else the cave could possibly throw at him. As the door closed behind him, Wally noted that instead of stepping into another hallway like before, he seemed to be inside of some kind of antechamber. It was shorter and brightly lit and the walls were adorned with posters advertising various games, films and radio dramas, many of which Wally was very familiar with.

There was a poster advertising the hit radio drama “The Shadow Stallion” which Wally had grown up listening to with his dad back on the farm, a weekly serial that featured a character that most agreed would later inspire comic heroes like Bat-Mane and Silver Fox. Wally smiled to himself as he read the tag line written in red font across the top of the poster in big stylized letters, positioned just above the stallion cloaked in a jet black cape, his features obscured by a wide-brimmed hat.

“Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of ponies? The Shadow Stallion knows!”

There were dozens of posters like this and Wally couldn’t help but smile as the nostalgia warmed his heart and reminded him of the youth he had spent idolizing these heroes and desiring nothing more than to be just like them. Then, something else caught his eye. It was a photo set in a silver frame bearing the image of a small colt that could only have been First Edition. He was absolutely beaming, grinning from ear to ear as he proudly held a small golden trophy in his hooves and sat next to a stallion that Wally assumed to be his father. Written across the bottom of the photo in gold ink were the words “Friday night sorcery champ!”

On this part of the wall, there were many photos similar to this, all of which had First Edition somewhere in them. There he was dressed as a mighty warrior wielding a cardboard ax, ready to fight monsters and keep his family safe from Nightmare Moon on Nightmare Night. Framed next to it was a crudely drawn comic illustrated on a single sheet of parchment telling the story of a talking sock trying to find its brother. A photo of an older First Edition with a grotty beard that he was probably too proud of holding a high school diploma in his hoof. For every poster that adorned the other walls, there were two photos, two memories on this one and Wally felt his gaze wander over to the door at the other end of the room.

This was it. He had finally reached the end of his journey.

Wally trotted over to the door and gripped the door ring in his mouth. After a brief pause, he pulled the door open and stepped inside.

The room was unlike any he had set hoof in so far. Massive simply doesn’t begin to describe it. It was as if Wally was a tiny mouse that had stepped out of its hole and into the living room of a full-sized giant. The entire chamber was lit by massive glowing stones that shined like stars with a light that just had to be magical. The floor was made of smooth and polished stone and the walls were lined with pockets that had been carved directly into the cave’s wall to serve as shelves.

And the loot.

Sweet, glorious sun butt THE LOOT!

The shelves were filled with every kind of toy, comic, and collectible that Wally had ever heard of or could possibly imagine. The pony’s breathing turned heavy as his head whipped around trying to take it all in for all the good it did him. Even if the universe dictated that at this very moment in time Wally would spontaneously mutate and grow a thousand more eyes, he’d still never be able to take it all in. This was truly the mother load. If the store above was geek heaven, then this is where you went after you died in geek heaven, assuming you hadn’t been a total dick in life of course.

Wally staggered deeper into the chamber, still trying in vain to take it all in. He saw the original reels of a science fiction show he loved, reels that weren’t supposed to even exist anymore. He saw perfect replicas of costumes on ponyquins that looked like they had been taken directly from the lairs and hideouts of the superheroes and villains that wore them. A giant katana wielding pony-bot locked in battle with a giant lizard. A huge dragon sleeping on a massive bed. All five hundred and sixty issues of the hit graphic novel Super Ninja Fighter Z.

Wait, wut?

Life is a funny thing. Up until this point, Wally had lived a largely uneventful life in his hometown of Pepoberry. He’d worked the land with his pop ever since he was old enough to walk, he played in the fields around the farmhouse, went swimming in the creek on those hot muggy days, became a master of eastern martial arts under the tutelage of a retired old monk, and defended his hometown from invading cabbage weasels. You know. Normal stuff that Colts do. Before the day he arrived in Ponyville, he never really thought his life would get much more exciting than that, and you know what? He was totally cool with that. Friends, family, good food and his toys were really all he needed out of life. As his master had said, “Adventure? Excitement? A follower of the white lotus craves not these things.”

And so Wally had openly accepted his role in life as a simple farmer tending to his crops, fully willing to vicariously live out his dreams of adventure and excitement through games and such, yet in spite of this, in the span of twenty-four hours, he had crossed several things off of his bucket list. He had made contact with alien life forms, fought a giant scorpion monster thingy, and had tea with both of the princesses of Equestria. He had even met a dragon! An honest to goodness fire breathing dragon! Sure, it was only like, a foot tall and being raised by mares, but still, it was a bucking dragon for Celestia’s sake! And here he was at the grand finale of his journey in the dungeon of awesome (another item on his bucket list marked off) and he was face to face another dragon! A really, really big dragon… Like, WAAAAAAY bigger than Spike.

In all fairness, Wally should have expected this. I’m sure you did.

It was a massive creature, easily forty feet long from snout to tail and from what Wally could see on the ground below its scales were a light blue color and its sharp pointy spines were a deep purple. The bed the dragon occupied was probably the finest trampoline in all the land and seemed to be covered in yellow power pony bed sheets that matched its pajamas. The dragon was snoring loudly, causing the cave to tremble with every exhale. It was also snuggling a fuzzy teddy bear the size of an actual bear.

Despite his detailed knowledge of all things geeky, Wally’s knowledge of dragons was pretty limited. He knew they were big. He knew they were scary. He knew they breathed fire in a cone shaped attack and tended to do damage in numbers of players rather than hit points and (apparently) ate the souls of dead Nords. It was also fairly common knowledge that dragons loved to hoard treasure so it stood to reason that the item he sought would have to be somewhere nearby.

Too afraid to even breath for fear of disturbing the dragon, Wally scanned the immediate area and felt doubt begin to creep into his mind once again. If that dragon woke up it was over. There was no way in Tartarus he’d be able to match it in combat and he suddenly realized that he had absolutely no idea what it was he was looking for. Sure, he was currently surrounded by priceless collectibles but he had no idea which of these items was the unique treasure he was looking for.

Then he saw it.

There, above the dragon’s bed, attached to the stone headboard was a large dome-shaped glass display case. That just had to be it. Wally sighed internally. Of bucking course it would be right above the face of a snoring pony eating dragon. Wally tried to remain optimistic and keep on the sunny side. It could always be worse, right? Though he couldn’t think of how it could be worse, he was sure that it could be. Like, the room could be on fire or something. Or the dragon could wake up. That would totes suck right?

The alarm clock on the dragon’s bedside table began to ring loudly with a sound that felt like it would rupture Wally’s ear drums. Wally covered his ears, let out a muted gasp of panic and dove into a box of old movie props and costumes.

“Time to get up…” A soft sleepy voice muttered.

The Great Wyrm rose to a seated position in his bed and stretched his massive scaled arms over its head. The dragon cleared its throat and long curls of scarlet flames danced from its mouth as it rose out of its bed and took massive strides across the room, the floor shaking like an earthquake with every step it took. Wally peaked out of the box and watched as the dragon walked over to a giant water basin, his back to our stalwart hero. Wally watched in silent awe as the dragon began to splash cold water on its face and Wally could not help but notice that the dragon seemed to suffer from an unfortunate birth defect. There seemed to be a large, boulder shaped hump on its left shoulder with its own scales and a crown of spikes growing out of it. As the dragon cleaned its sword like fangs it muttered to itself in a half awake tone.

“Did you take the wheelie bin out last night? Of course, I did. You were there, weren’t you? Gonna have to bring it back inside. Yeah, yeah.”

Wally quietly stepped out of the box and looked up at the glass display case at the top of the bed. He may not get another chance to have the dragon distracted. It was now or never. But how in Tartarus could he climb up there? The bed was the size of a small mountain with nothing for him to hold onto or jump up to. He glanced back down at the movie props and smiled.

Wally quickly and quietly rummaged around the contents of the box and smiled to himself as he pulled out a rubber Bat-Man cowl and cape. It took just a few seconds for the pony to don the costume of one of his favorite heroes along with a fully stocked utility belt.

“I’ve always wanted to do this.” Wally thought with a cocky grin as he removed the grappling gun from the belt.

He aimed at the bed and fired. The grappling hook popped out, flew about a foot through the air and fell to the ground with a clatter.

“Huh…” Wally whispered to himself. “I don’t know why I thought that this was a real grappling gun…”

“Wha’ wazzat?” a sleepy voice muttered.

Wally froze in place, hoping that if the dragon saw him, it would assume he was just a statue or something. Ten agonizing seconds passed before…

“Guess it was nothing.”

The dragon resumed its morning routine and Wally let out a silent sigh of relief. He picked up the grappling hook and examined it. It looked just like it did in the comics. The hook was made out of a strong but lightweight metal that had been shaped to resemble four bat wings and the cable was strong and stretchy. Even though it was technically accurate, however, it was still just a simple prop and didn’t function as a proper grappling gun. What a gyp!

But then again, Wally didn’t really need it to did he? He fumbled with the device for a bit before removing the rope from the spool inside. Now, with what was basically just a grappling hook, Wally crept over to the bed and, casting a glance over at the dragon by the sink, Wally began to spin the hook around over his head. He let it fly and it caught in the sheet on the mattress above him. He gave it a few test tugs and happy that it would hold his weight, he began to quickly and quietly climb up the rope.

It literally took every ounce of self-control not to hum the Bat-Mane theme as he climbed.

When he reached the top he looked back at the dragon and nodded, thankful that apparently, dragons were super into dental hygiene. He awkwardly made his way over to the stone headboard and readied himself for the next part of his plan. He reached into the utility belt and pulled out several small suction cups which he quickly attached to his hooves. He pressed one of his forelegs to the headboard and felt the suction cup stick to the wall. He placed his other foreleg, then his back left hoof, then his right and Wally was stoked to see that it freaking worked! Chuckling to himself, he began to walk up the wall at slow pace thinking worst case scenario he falls and lands on the dragon’s bed.

Pop pop pop pop.

The suction cups were noisy but thankfully the dragons didn’t seem to hear them.

Pop pop pop pop.

He heard a gurgling noise and the dragon spoke in a quiet voice.

Pop pop pop pop.

“Oh, did I tell you mum wrote?” It said. “Said the cabbages were coming in splendidly this year.”

Pop pop pop pop.

There was a spitting noise followed by a grumble.

“You don’ have ta tell me that mum wrote.” A second voice said. This one was gruffer and more aggressive. “I know eferythin’ you know, don’ I?”

Pop pop pop-

Confused, Wally risked a look over his shoulder and felt his stomach drop at the horrible sight of the dragon’s face, well, faces, reflected in the giant mirror that hung above the basin. The dragon was not a humpback. And technically speaking it had not been talking to himself. The dragon had two heads! Two, fire breathing, pony eating heads! The head on the right was tall and thin and the head on the left that Wally had mistaken for a growth was squat with beady little eyes and Wally stood frozen in silent horror as the creature continued on with its morning routine. The left head was gargling sand and the right head was brushing his teeth with a toothbrush that had extra firm steel bristles, humming row row row your boat as he brushed.

Suddenly, the dragon’s eyes in the mirror fell on Wally and the pony nearly wet his tights.

“Hey, Reggie!” the left head said through a mouthful of foam. “Look! You left a toy out!”

“What?”

The dragon turned around and Wally rolled Bluff, staying as still as a statue, hoping he could play this out.

“I didn’ leave that out!” Reggie grumbled. “It must ‘ave been you Drogo.”

“No, no,” Drogo said, giggling a little. “You know I prefer the Screech Owl to Bat-Mane, that’s your toy, you have to pick it up!”

Wally mouth an incredulous “WHAT?!” behind his mask, unable to even comprehend how anyone with any measure of common sense could prefer the Screech Owl, whose only super power of note what that he could scream really really loud (not sonic blasts, just literal screaming), to the Caped Crusader. Suddenly Wally was plucked from the headboard with a pop and placed on a shelf above the bed.

“There,” Reggie grunted. “Are ya ‘appy now?”

“Thank you,” Drogo said with a nod. “Now was that so hard?”

“Right then. Time for a bit of breakfast I think,” Reggie said. “I think we should still ‘ave some Nico’s in the fridge.”

The dragon lumbered away and Wally let out a deep breath. He looked down over the edge of the shelf and shuddered at the height. He had no rope, no parachute, so his only hope was to jump down, aim for the pillow and hope that it would break his fall. Wally took several steps back to get a running jump and let out a shaky breath. He wasn’t very big on heights and free jumping onto a giant bed was way out of his comfort zone. He looked up at the dragon currently rifling through a giant fridge the size of an apartment building, took in a deep breath and started to gallop towards the edge, only to slide to a halt and back away cursing under his breath.

“Come on legs…” He muttered. “We can do this! It isn’t that insanely high!”

His legs trembled in response.

“Alright, fair enough.” He muttered to himself. “But this is the only way down! If we don’t get out of here, the dragon is bound to realize we aren’t an action figure eventually and they’ll gobble us up!”

His legs trembled again.

“I know right? They’d probably baste us with dragon sauce and fry us up like pancakes!”

His legs stopped shaking and tilted quizzically.

“I don’t know if dragon sauce is a real thing, okay?” Wally sighed. “Yes, it does sound delicious, but I wouldn’t want to be covered in it and eaten! Now, stop giving me lip and jump okay? We’ll do it together on the count of three alright? One… Two… Thr-"

Wally jumped and couldn’t even bring himself to scream, less out of fear of being heard by the dragon and more out of shock that he actually did it. He hit the pillow with a loud fwoomf (well, loud to him. The dragon(s) didn’t hear anything.) He laid there in the soft, comfy-ness of the circus tent sized pillow for several minutes, slowly moving his limbs and muscles to make sure that nothing had been broken in the fall. Relieved to see that he was still in one piece, Wally pulled himself out of the pillow crater and took several awkward steps across the pillows soft spongy surface. He looked up at the headboard and sighed in frustration.

“I don’t know what secrets you hold.” He thought, “But you. Are. MINE!”

Pop pop pop pop.

Behind him, the dragon’s were busy with breakfast. Reggie was rooting around the fridge while Drogo was using his long arm to fill a swimming pool sized kettle with water from a waterfall.

“Hey, Drogo?” Reggie asked. “Are we outta dragon sauce again?”

“Yes, I believe so,” Drogo said gravely. “We’ll have to ask mum to send some with her next package.”

“Right, right.” Reggie agreed.

Wally looked down at his legs and nodded thoughtfully before he continued to climb.

Pop pop pop pop.

“When did we order this Drogo?” Reggie asked, holding up a pizza box the size of a small parking lot, the large lunch special from Nico’s. Not a dragon-sized large, just the basic large. “Wednesday right?”

“Mm,” Drogo said negatively as he sipped from a giant tea cup the size of a water tower tank. “No, it was Tuesday remember? They had the lunch special.”

“Ah, right,” Reggie said. “Prob'ly turned by now then. Ah, well.” He said sliding it back into the fridge. “I’ll just have a bowl a’ cereal then I think.”

“You can count me in,” Drogo said. “I am famished!”

He grabbed a giant steel box of Gems and Bits from the top of the fridge while his brother grabbed two giant bowls and a jug of rocks the size of a grain silo from a shelf. Drogo breathed fire on the jug and the rocks inside melted to magma as Reggie began to pour their cereal into their bowls, watching the cascading waterfall of gems and various kinds of rocks fall into the bowl like a rock slide with a hungry glint in his eyes. Wally had just reached the top of the headboard when the two sat down at their giant breakfast table. Reggie immediately went to town on his cereal while Drogo began to do the crossword on the back of the cereal box.

“Right…” He muttered to himself. “Hey, Reg? What’s a seven letter word for friend?

“Hm…” Reggie grunted as he chewed his food thoughtfully.

“Comrade.” He said with a nod before taking another bite.

“Ah yes, of course. Silly of me.” Drogo said as he scratched it into the back of the box with a giant claw.

Wally snuck across the top of the headboard on the tips of his hooves, the now familiar feeling of fear and excitement bubbling in his stomach harder than ever before.

“Right, so then, one down,” Drogo said behind the world’s largest pair of horn-rimmed glasses. “Seven letters, a freshwater fish that begins with a C.”

“Crappie.” The dragon replied.

Drogo wrinkled his scaly nose at his brother and gave him a disapproving frown.

“Watch your mouth.” He said.

“It’s not a swear!” Reggie grumbled.

“Yeah, right,” Drogo said, rolling his eyes. “Like the time you told me those birds at the pier when we were on holiday last year. What did you say they were called? Shags?"

“That’s what they’re called!” Reggie said crossly. “Look it up!”

“Whatever. Just wait till I tell mum that you’ve- Oh… It fits.”

“Told you!”

“Fine, fine.”

Wally made it to the top of the headboard and quietly crept over to the dragon-sized display case. It was large, only slightly smaller than his bedroom back home on the family farm and made of large panes of glass that one might find on a skyscraper in Manehatten. Inside he could see that it was empty save for a small table with a soft burgundy velvet cloth draped across it, the unmistakable square outline of a display case underneath it. Wally rested his head against the cool glass and chuckled to himself. He tried the door that led inside and chuffed in annoyance to discover it was locked.

Of. Bucking. Course.

“You didn’t think it would be THAT easy did you?” A voice in his head scoffed.

“I try to be hopeful,” Wally muttered.

He stole a cautious glance over at the Dragons. Even though they were facing their bed at the seat at the table, they were far too absorbed in their meal and the crossword puzzle to pay him any mind at all. He nervously chewed his lip and considered his options, uncomfortably aware of the scaled guardian's distant chatter. He could always just break the glass but that would almost certainly alert the dragon(s) to his position, and he wasn’t very confident he could outrun them and their double breath attack.

He peered over the edge of the headboard and down at the bedside table. No sign of a key down there anywhere. He cursed under his breath. That was the full extent he was willing to go to to find the key. An actual search could take days in this massive cavern. Desperate, he began to fish around in his newly acquired utility belt for anything of use. Bat-Mane was famous for always packing a gadget for almost any scenario, the ultimate boy scout, always prepared. But unfortunately, this was not the real utility belt worn by the caped crusader. An amazingly accurate recreation for sure, but ultimately just a prop. He found foam bataraangs, fake smoke pellets, a rebreather that was just a single piece of rubber that you couldn’t even actually breath through, a fake skeleton key made of hollow plastic, but nothing of real use. Annoyed and frustrated, Wally bonked his head on the glass and felt the whole thing sway slightly. He looked down and noticed that the glass case had no floor and was not secured to the stone headboard. He grinned to himself and went to work.

As quietly as he could, Wally began to push the glass case towards the edge of the headboard, making sure to only push while the dragons talked or chewed their food. It took several nervous minutes but finally, there was a gap just large enough for Wally to slip in after hanging off the edge of the headboard and shimmying under the case. He pulled himself and mentally patted himself on the back for his ingenious plan. Excitement flooded through his body and his heart beat wildly in his chest. He felt like an adventurer in league with Daring Do, having stared danger in the eye and giving it a cheeky smirk of defiance. He nodded to himself in approval and glanced over at the breakfast table, intending to stick his tongue out at the dragons but froze when the shorter head, Reggie’s gaze met his own.

“Riiiiiight.” Drogo drawled sucking a claw thoughtfully. “What’s a five-letter word for a burglar?”

Reggie’s mouth tripped over itself and a sharp inhale of air sucked a mix of lava and half chewed shale rocks down his throat, an experience only marginally more awful than inhaling pixie stick dust. Reggie spluttered and coughed, trying desperately to find his voice.

“T-THIEF!” Reggie finally bellowed.

“No, that would be six letters,” Drogo said clicking his tongue thoughtfully.

“No you twat!” Reggie yelled pointing a stubby finger at Wally. “THIEF!"

“Ohhh,” Drogo said. “See I thought that you meant-“

Wally grabbed the treasure in his hooves, velvet cloth and all, and broke into a short gallop. He jumped down the gap between the display case and the headboard and fell the thirty or so feet down onto the bed. On his way down the heard the dragons exclaim and shout, heard what he figured was the great stone breakfast table being flipped over and then a loud FWOOMPH as he landed on top of the pillow. Wally spent several terrifying seconds trying to untangle himself from the pillow sheet, afraid that by the time he broke out of the comfy sea of downy goodness he’d come face to face (to face) with an angry fire breathing dragon.

Finally, Wally broke the surface and gasped for air. He wasted no time rolling down the giant pillow and down onto the bed. He made for the edge of the bed when suddenly, the display case above tipped over and fell down onto the bed, the weight of it causing Wally to bounce high, high into the air. The poor pony screamed, thinking his story would end with him being a red splat on the dragons immaculate stone floor when suddenly, the air caught his cape and the pony FLEW (glided) just like Bat-Mane in the comics.

“YEAH!!!” Wally cheered as he flew (glided) through the air. “WOO-HOO!”

But he was meeting the ground fast and Wally had absolutely no gliding experience, except for the time he jumped off the roof of the farmhouse and broke his leg. He tumbled along the stone floor and slid headfirst into a cardboard display of the Giggler, Bat-Mane’s most diabolical foe. Wally let out a squeal as he slid closer and closer to the psychotic grinning face of the clown-like villain he had feared almost all his life. Wally’s cries of fear were quickly silenced as the poor pony slammed face first into the stone pillar behind the cutout.

WHAM!

“Oooooowwwwww…” Wally moaned.

The pony shakily rose to his hooves knowing that that little stunt probably just cost him his life. The dragon would be on him any second now, he just knew it. He ignored the trickle of blood running down his snout and turned to face his demise with quiet dignity.

“Puh-puh-puhlease don’t e-e-eat me-he-he-he-he!” Wally sobbed throwing himself at the mercy of the guardians of the cave.

Quiet dignity.

Wally continued to make gross sobbing sounds, expecting to be crushed under the giant dragon’s foot or roasted alive by a fireball but it never happened. He sniffed and looked up to see that the dragons had not even set foot from out of the little (relatively speaking) kitchen area. Instead, they were cowering behind the overturned table and clinging to each other, visibly shaking in fear.

“P-please mate!” Reggie said nervously. “Take whatever you want and go, just- just don’t hurt us!”

“Yes!” Drogo agreed with a frightened sniffle. “Please don’t hurt us!”

“Hurt you?" Wally balked. "How could I possibly hurt you?! You guys are like, a bazillion hooves tall! I'm just an adorable little pony!"

Wally forced air out of his busted nose and spent flecks of scarlet blood spattering along the marble floor.

"Oh, Reg! Reggie! He's going to ruin our floor!" Drogo wailed covering his eyes with a scaly claw.

"Please!" Reggie pleaded. "We don' want any trouble!"

"We have a mother!" Drogo cried. "She isn't well! If something happened to us, she'd be all alone!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Wally said raising a hoof. "I don't want to hurt anypony!"

"Y-you- You don't?" The dragons asked in unison, although they still seemed extremely apprehensive.

"No! No, nothing like that." Wally said earnestly. "Honest! I just came down here to help the comic shop owner."

"Limited Print?" Reggie asked with a hopeful gasp. "Did he send you down here?"

"Uh, no," Wally said. "His son I guess? First Edition. I think Mr. Limited Print passed away."

"What?!" Drogo exclaimed clutching his chest. "A-Are you quite sure?! Oh, Reggie!"

The brothers held each other and began to snivel and cry in a manner that would make even the most emotional person uncomfortable. Wally grimaced and rubbed the back of his head.

"Aw, pony feathers..." He muttered. "Look uh, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make you guys cry. I guess you guys were friends or something?"

"Friends!" Reggie exclaimed. "Friends!? Limited Print was the finest lad I ever had the honor of knowin'"

"He was the only pony apart from Princess Celestia herself that ever showed us an ounce of kindness!" Drogo moaned.

Wally gasped.

"You guys know the Princess?" He asked.

Drogo nodded as accepted massive tissue from his brother's hand.

"We were driven out of our home by the other dragons," Reggie explained as Drogo wiped his eyes. "They thought we were *sniff* freaks!"

"They called us mean names like 'four-eyed freak' and, 'two-headed freak', and 'purple spiky freak with two heads!" Drogo sniffed.

Wally stared at the two headed purple spiked dragon with an arched eyebrow.

"Just because they weren't clever doesn't mean they weren't hurtful," Drogo said.

"Fair enough," Wally said with a shrug.

"We wandered for years looking for a place to call our own. Then we found Equestria, a land famous for its friendship and harmony. We thought we could make a home here. But the ponies didn't laugh at us. Instead, they screamed and ran away at the very sight of us. We just wanted some friends..." Drogo said sadly. "But then, the Princess came to us and offered us this cave to live in and a job patrolling the tunnels underneath Canterlot."

"You guys are guards?" Wally asked. "But you totally freaked out when you saw me."

“Well, usually intruders don’t tend to hang about once they see a dragon, ya know?” Reggie said. “Nothing’s that stupid, mind you. Er, no offense.”

"None taken." Wally shrugged. "But how do you guys know the comic shop owners?"

"Oh, we met Limited Print years ago," Reggie said. "Found 'im when he was exploring the mountain with his Colt Scout troop. He got separated ya see. Poor lil' tyke, all lost and alone. We helped him find the way back but he kept coming back to visit us."

"He showed us comics and games and all sorts of things and we had been the best of friends ever since. Then, years later when he opened his shop we let him use our home to keep the most valuable pieces of his collection safe. Oh! Reg, we should have known that something was wrong, it’s been ages since he's been to see us last!"

"Just figured he was busy..." Reggie nodded grimly.

He pulled out another tissue and blew his nose which resulted in a sound like an apocalyptic trumpet being blown to herald the end of days. Wally sighed and hung his head in shame. He had done what practically everypony else had done when they met this poor dragon(s). He took one look at them and assumed that they were pony eating brutes but now he could see they were just a couple of lonely dorky guys who had just found out they lost their only friend.

"Listen, fellas," Wally said looking up at them. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make you guys sad."

"It's not your fault mate," Reggie said trying to wear a reassuring smile. "Ya' counldn' 'ave known. But why did First Edition send ya' down 'ere at all then eh?"

Wally told them his story and the dragon brothers listened in stunned silence.

"Close down?!" Reggie exclaimed. "The Everink shop can’ jus’ close down! It’s an institution! Been around for ages! Limited’s great-great-great-“

“Ancestor,” Drogo quickly interrupted. “Started it as a quill and ink shop over two hundred years ago. Then, once Limited took over the family business he started selling comics and games and a wider variety of art supplies. Oh please Bat-Mane, you have to let us help you! You can’t let our friend's dream die!”

“My name’s- uh- Yeah, that’s right. I’m the Bat-Mane!” Wally said pumping out his chest. “And I’ll do everything I can. I just need to get to the surface!”

“Here!” Reggie said excitedly. “Over here!”

The dragon quickly jogged across the room and Wally hurried after them, careful not to trip as the floor shook under their weight. The dragon led him to a huge façade mocked up to look like the exterior of a castle that was used in an episode of Maracles: The Legendary Journeys.

“There is a secret passageway that leads right up to the entry chamber below the Everink Shop,” Drogo explained. “Limited used it all the time.”

“Just stick to the path and you should be safe.” Reggie nodded.

“Should?” Wally asked.

“Well, we don’t really know what’s in there,” Reggie said. “And it hasn’t been used in so long.”

“Right.” Wally nodded up at them. “Well, it can’t be any worse than any of the other crazy stuff I’ve been through to get this far.”

Wally took a step towards the castle then paused.

“Uh, I guess you’ll be wanting this back huh?” He asked removing his cowl.

“No, no,” Drogo said. “Keep it. The world needs a Bat-Mane.”

“Besides, looks good on you.” Reggie nodded.

Wally frowned and looked down at the mask.

“I don’t really feel like a hero.” He sighed. “I just broke into your house, scared you guys half to death and told you that your friend died.”

“Hey, you were just trying to help out the shop right?” Reggie asked. “You braved all of Limited’s traps and puzzles to get here. That makes you brave in my book.”

Drogo nodded.

“Just promise us that First Edition will keep his father’s legacy alive for the generations of ponies to come. Everyone needs a safe place to be themselves and that’s what the store was to a lot of ponies growing up. It’s what Limited would have wanted.” The dragon said.

Wally nodded.

“I promise.” He said, extending a hoof.

Reggie and Drogo extended their claws down to him, gently touched the tips of their index claws to his hoof and shook. Wally turned to leave but paused before turning to face the dragons again. They looked pretty sad, resigned to living a lonely life down here in the dark, no longer receiving surprise visits from the only friend they had ever known, surrounded by his favorite things that once brought them so much joy but now would only serve as a grim reminder of what they had lost.

“Hey, you know, assuming that First Edition keeps the shop going, I’ll be making regular trips to Canterlot to stock up on supplies. If you guys wanted, I could come and visit?” Wally asked.

“Really?” Drogo gasped in delight. “Oh, that would be wonderful! We’d love to have you around for tea! Wouldn’t we Reg?”

“Yeah!” Reggie nodded in surprise. “Whenever you’re in the neighborhood, our cave’s always open.”

“Cool, I just got the O&O Guardians of the North expansion and haven’t had a chance to play it yet!” Wally said. “You guys like O&O right?”

“Uh, is the Green Mare of the wilds benevolent and helpful to friends of the forest?” Drogo asked, putting a green forest cap on his head.

“Ha!” Wally laughed. “Yeah, I guess she is... unless you’re a lumberjack!”

The three shared a good-natured chuckle at the friendly yet mischievous nature of the magical mare of the wilds. Bucking nerds.

“Thanks for everything you two,” Wally said. “I’ll be sure to give First Edition your regards. Now then…”

He lowered his mask over his face and looked up at the dragons. He gave them his best bat nod and reared back on his hind legs, letting out a fierce whiny that might have been heroic and imposing had his voice not cracked. He ran towards the castle facade and crossed the drawbridge, smiling to himself as he galloped into the darkness of the passageway.

Wally had made two new friends.

-THE PONY SCROLLS-