Chapter 9:

The Vault and Cupcakes

(Part one takes place one day after ‘The Ticket Master’ and Part two takes place ?????)

Part One: The Vault and You!

“Omnius…” A voice called out. I grumbled and absently waved the voice away, not wanting to wake up yet. If you’ve seen my face, then you definitely know that I NEED my beauty sleep (okay, maybe not, but still).

“Omnius…” The voice repeated, a bit louder than before.

“I don’t wanna get up…” I whined, rolling over. As I slowly felt myself wake up, I dimly recalled that I was supposed to be doing something today…but what?

I opened my eyes and rubbed them with my hoof. Blinking, I stood up, stretching out like a cat, sighing with relief as the bones in my back made popping sounds. Squinting, I could just barely make out some multi-colored blurs that were standing at the entrance to the room I was sleeping in. Fumbling for my glasses, I called out, “Morning.”

Slipping the glasses onto my face, the blurs came into focus, revealing them to be my friends, all of them standing just outside the bedroom. I shook out my mane and glanced around the barren room. Seeing nothing of interest, I scratched at my beard and asked, “Now what brings you gals here this fine day?”

“You were gonna show us your basement, remember?” Twilight reminded me, before she levitated a bottle of Coca-Cola to me. “I found this on in your counter, and thought that you might need something to perk you up.”

I squeed in delight, and without even thinking about it, I used magic to levitate it to my mouth, where I proceeded to chug it. Once the bottle was halfway drained, I lowered it from my mouth and let out a small belch.

“’Scuse me,” I apologized, grinning sheepishly. I then realized the Twilight was grinning smugly at me and I asked, somewhat defensively, “What?”

“You’re using magic,” She said, pointing at the bottle that was still floating next to my head.  

I looked and saw that a white glow had encompassed the bottle. As soon as I looked at it however, the magic disappeared. The bottle fell to the ground and would have spilled its precious contents everywhere if I hadn’t grabbed the bottle with my teeth. Sighing in relief, I quickly upturned the bottle and drained it while the other ponies giggled.

“I take it that was my first magic lesson?” I asked, tossing the bottle over my shoulder. Note to self: get a trash can.

“Indeed. I wanted to confirm if you could use magic instinctively or if it had to be a premeditated thought process,” Twilight said, nodding her head.

“What does that have to do with my magic lessons?”

“Who cares?” Rainbow Dash said impatiently, “I want to see that vault of yours!”

I rubbed my face with my hoof again and sighed. “I did promise to show you that, didn’t I?”

I walked out of the room and went to the door that sat just under my stairs. It looked exactly like it did before, plain steel with nothing but my insignia on it. Clearing my thoughts, I shifted back into human form and placed my hand on the door. The insignia glowed and the door slid open, fog billowing out into the room.

“Still want to see the Vault?” I asked, giving them all one last chance to go if they wanted to. “Once you walk in here, you’ll see things. I’ll do my best to protect you from the things you’re not ready to see yet, but I can’t be sure that you won’t see certain, um, things…” I trailed off, letting them gain their own ideas as to what might happen (and wishing for a thesaurus).

“Omnius, we’re not gonna get scared off that easily,” Rainbow Dash huffed.

All of the other ponies nodded in agreement and I shrugged. “Alright then. Mares, if you would please head down the stairs.”

All seven of us walked down the long, winding staircase, the only light coming from the small torches that hung on the wall. As we descended, the air became cooler and the light from the entrance steadily dimmed, soon disappearing from our sight entirely.

“How much farther is it?” Rarity asked, her voice echoing.

“Not too far,” I replied. “In fact, can you see that white square up ahead?”

The ponies gazed to where I was pointing, and Pinkie Pie said, “You mean that itty-bitty teeny-tiny thing?”

“Yes Pinkie. The itty-bitty, I mean, the small square.”

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After a few moments, we had reached the white square, only it was a lot bigger than everypony was expecting. The doors themselves were double the size of normal barn doors (in other words, friggin’ huge). Carved out onto the door was, once again, my logo, and surrounding it were runes that would sometimes flare out suddenly, taking everypony off guard, and then before they could be closely examined, faded again, leaving no trace of their existence.

I stepped forward, and called out in a loud, clear voice, “I am the Eternal Traveler of Good. May the stars in the skies watch over all, may the sun give us light, and may the moon give us beauty and mystery.”

The runes on the door moved about violently, before grouping together to form the resemblance of a long face that had a thick, wizardly beard that would have made Gandalf jealous. Opening its eyes, the face asked in a deep, echoing voice, “What is the average flight speed of an unladen, European swallow?”

“Twenty-five miles per hour,” I answered immediately.

“Close enough. How old are you?” The Face asked.

“I dunno. I lost count a while ago,” I shrugged.

“I will accept this answer. Final question: Do you see your end in sight?”

I thought about it for a moment, choosing my words carefully. Speaking slowly and clearly, I stated, “Only if I turn my head and stare at my butt.”

The face nodded, the runes dispersed, and the face fell apart. With a loud CRACK, the doors slowly slid open, the sudden light temporarily blinding all of us.

“What was with the questions?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“I put them up to make sure that the doors would only open for me. The questions are always random, and they determine if it’s really me or not,” I explained. “It also makes sure that I’m in my right mind when I come here.”

Once the lights dimmed, I turned to the mares, and gave them my best showman’s bow.

“Mares, I give you…The Vault!” I gestured towards the now open doors and the ponies gasped.

No matter how many times I’ve shown people The Vault, that reaction never gets old.

With cautious, unbelieving steps, the ponies stepped into The Vault, awed by how massive it was. To say that it was huge was an understatement. The room was maybe twice the size of a Costco building and was a startling white color throughout all of it, a sharp contrast to the bleak cavern-like walls that lead to it. Scattered throughout the room were various pedestals, each with a different item on it. The items varied widely, from simple looking books, to pieces of technology so advanced that even The Doctor would have trouble puzzling them out. There were various buildings scattered around as well, even a small farm.

“Omnius, how did you get all of this in here without anypony noticing?” Twilight asked, her eyes trying to take in everything.

“Remember those ‘Lame Pillars’ you zapped for me?” I asked, walking to a nearby pedestal. I picked up the black leather book that sat on it, and absentmindedly flipped through its pages.

“I know you said ‘extra space’, but don’t you reckon that this is a mite ridiculous?” Applejack asked.

I shrugged, and kept flipping through the book. I stopped when I found an article about Polyjuice Potion, and started chuckling. “Boy, does this take me back.”

Pinkie Pie read the title and asked, “Moste Pontente Potions?”

I put the book back in its place, and replied, “It’s a book about some controversial potions and how to make them. I’m actually pretty decent at making some of them, but now’s not the time to show off.”

At the look of longing on Twilight’s face, I quickly added, “Besides, the results are catastrophic if they’re messed up. You could end up in some serious agony and suffer greatly if you mess up on even one little detail.” I shook my head sadly, and said, “Some of the effects brought about by those mistakes are irreversible.”

Twilight’s face fell and she looked so depressed that I was tempted to give her the book then and there. But I took solace in the fact that most of the ingredients needed could only be found in the world the book came from or my Vault. I wasn’t about to tell the obsessed bookworm that though.

“Why do you call this place The Vault?” Fluttershy finally asked, looking at a strange egg that was white with green spots.

“This is basically the place where I put all the memorabilia I’ve collected over my Travels,” I said, gesturing at the room and all of the items inside of it. “Quick word of advice though: Don’t touch anything.”

I shot a glare at Twilight, who had been edging herself towards a red book that was covered with black spidery runes. She grinned sheepishly and shied away from it.

“Well, if I say you can touch it, then go ahead,” I added, not wanting to sound like an obsessed comic book collector. “Right, now follow me please. It’s incredible easy to get lost in here if you don’t have a map.”

“Which you do?” Rarity asked, peeling her eyes away from a blood red stone that glowed eerily with a life of its own.

“Yeah, in here,” I said, tapping my head. “I may not remember all of what’s in each section, but I remember where each section is.”

“Sections?”

“Yeah, I’m only gonna show you three sections today,” I explained, heading towards a vast maze of bookshelves. “Books, animals, and chaos.”

“Why those three?” Applejack asked, tilting her head.

“Because those three are the ones that I think will both A) interest you, and B) make sure that nothing bad happens. I wasn’t kidding when I said that there is some dangerous crap in here.”

We reached the bookshelves and I said, “This is the section of the Vault where I keep most of the books I find. It’s organized by content, just like other libraries, only instead of fiction and non-fiction, it’s organized by topic, and what world the book came from.”

I snapped my fingers, and a wide, flat silver screen floated in front of us. It flashed and a picture of a pixilated smiley face appeared. I tapped it, and said, “Mares, say hello to Ivy, the archive of the library. Ivy, do me a favor and add Twilight Sparkle, unicorn, Pinkie Pie, earth pony, Fluttershy, pegasus, Rainbow Dash, pegasus, Applejack, earth pony, and Rarity, unicorn, to the list of beings allowed to access the library.” Thinking for a moment, I whispered quietly, so that the others wouldn’t hear, “Also add Ditzy Doo, pegasus and The Doctor, earth pony/unknown alien, as well.”

The screen flickered and then flashed in a sky blue color. A neutral female voice said, “Added to access. Apply the usual restrictions?”

“Yes please, Ivy.”

“Restrictions applied. Welcome to the Timeless Library,” Ivy said, before the screen disappeared, leaving the ponies to gape at it.

“What was that?” Pinkie asked. “And why did she leave before we could say hi?”

“That was Ivy. She’s a spirit/program (long story) of intellect that lives here and makes sure that the books are properly organized. She’s just one of the many beings that help me keep the Vault up and running,” I said, opening a book that then attempted to eat my hand.

“Gah! Get it off me, GET IT OFF ME!” I screamed, shaking it in a startled panic. The book was suddenly encompassed in a purple glow, and Twilight managed to magically pry the book off of me, leaving a series of small puncture wounds on my hand.

“I’ve never seen any book like that!” Twilight exclaimed, looking at the book with a scientist’s interest, while the book snarled and growled uselessly.

“Yeah, The Monster Book of Monsters. Some book huh?” I said, stroking the vicious book’s spine. The book shuddered and stopped squirming, becoming calm once again. “’Yer got to stroke ‘em’ he says. ‘Perfectly harmless’ he says! Bah!” I said, imitating a gruff voice. I placed the book back in its place on the shelf and picked up a slightly less dangerous one.

I led the ponies around the library, showing them my immense collection of books. Twilight was, unsurprisingly, the most talkative of the bunch, asking questions on what books were about what, who wrote what, and all sorts of questions like that. I finally had to promise her that I would loan her some of the books later, just to give my ears a break.

“Really!? I can borrow some of these?” Twilight looked like I had just given her the worlds’ greatest present.

“Sure. Just remind me once we’re done with the tour. For now, we need to head to the next section: Animals!”

I heard Fluttershy gasp, and she grabbed my arm, trying to get me to move faster.

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“This here is what I like to call The Stable,” I said, gesturing towards a mixed set of pens, each one containing a ghostly apparition of a different animal.

Fluttershy squeed in delight (So, much, D’AAAAWW) and started flitting around, looking eagerly at all of the animals, before she frowned and tried to touch one. Her eyes widened as her hoof passed through the face of a small dodo bird and I chuckled.

“Fluttershy, I don’t spend that much time here. It wouldn’t be right for me to keep any animals down here by themselves. So I had Slim program a system of magic holograms to simulate animals that I’ve encountered. Some of them I can summon here, if you’d like.”

“Yes, please!” Fluttershy said gleefully.

Twilight held up a hoof and said, “Wait, who’s Slim?”

I smacked my face and said, “Oh, I didn’t show you him yet!” I cupped my hands around my mouth and hollered, “HEY SLIM! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!”

With a whir of gears and the sound of clanking metal, a robot ran out from behind one of the bird cages and stood in front of me. If you can picture C3P-0, but with thinner arms, legs that can actually move around, and a faceless head with a worn cowboy hat, then you already have a pretty good idea of what Slim looks like.

“This is Slim, or more specifically, Creature Maintenance Droid #1113. But that’s kind of a mouthful, so I shortened it to Slim,” I said, placing my arm around his shoulders. “He was originally built as a robot cowpoke on a radioactive dude ranch, but when a bull decided he was the wrong shade of rust red…well you get the idea.” I opened his chest plate and took a quick peek inside. “I found him on a scrap heap and, with the help of The Lone Wanderer, managed to get him up and running again. Now he tends to the animals, making sure that any live ones are fed and the simulated ones are programmed right.”

“That’s mighty strange,” Applejack commented, looking at Slim. “Does he talk at all?”

“Nah, he prefers to let his actions do the talking,” I said, patting him on the back. “But don’t let that fool you. He’s got emotions of his own. For example, I think he fancies Ivy.”

Slim punched my shoulder and all of the ponies laughed. I grinned and said, “Hey now, don’t make me kick your shiny metal ass!”

I wrapped an arm around his neck, put him in a headlock, and started rubbing his head in a noogie. Slim simply grabbed my back and slammed me into the ground, where he then proceeded to hogtie me with the lasso he always kept at his side. I got a hand free and managed to pull him to the ground, where it just became a tangle of limbs and gears, both of us wrestling each other.

Finally, I managed to pin Slim to the ground, where I shouted, “Ha! I win! That makes it five to three now!”

I got up, panting, and slapped Slim good-naturedly on the back. “Better luck next time Slim.”

Slim got up, dusted off his legs, and tipped his hat. The ponies laughed again and I said, “Now then, I believe I was gonna show you a cute li’l animal, right Fluttershy?”

She nodded shyly and said, “Oh yes, I mean, that is if you want to…”

I grinned and started rubbing my hands together. “Oh, I’ve got the perfect animal for you Fluttershy. He’s small, cute, and is one of the most lovable creatures I’ve ever seen.”

Slim tapped my shoulder and shrugged his shoulders in a questioning manner. I nodded and said, “Yeah, you better go grab some of those eggs. We don’t want that bird getting angry.”

Slim jogged off towards a chicken coop and came back with a nest that had three eggs sitting in it. He gingerly set it down on the ground, as if he was dealing with a live bomb, and backed away from it. I crouched on my knees and placed a hand on one of the eggs. Pouring some magic into it, I said in a slightly echoing voice, “Hey Red? Can you hear me? I have some friends here who want to meet you.”

The egg started glowing and fog started to swirl around it, forming a cloud that none of us could see through. It was a little disconcerting to see my hand, and at least half of my arm, disappear in the cloud, but I kept up the flow of magic. “Red! Come forth!”

With a small “Caw!” of happiness, a small, feathered red orb flew out of the fog and tackled me to the ground. Laughing, I gave the bird a hug and sat up. The bird hopped onto my shoulder and pecked me on the side of the head. It hurt a little, seeing as how he was the size of my head, but I laughed anyways, knowing that he was just excited to see me again.

“Hey Red, good to see you!” I stood up and turned to the ponies. “Mares, meet Red. He’s an exceptionally rare species of bird, whose name I can’t remember.”

The ponies and Red stared at each other and Red cawed. He hopped from my shoulder to Fluttershy’s back and she instantly started fawning over the small bird. Red returned the sentiment, grooming her wings with his small beak.

“Are there others like him?” Twilight asked, looking at the bird with interest.

“Not exactly like him, but yeah, there are others. I’d think there are about seven others, eight if you include the Mighty Eagle,” I replied, smiling at the adoration Red was showing Fluttershy. “It’s weird. Normally Red doesn’t warm up to others that easily, especially when his eggs are nearby.”

At the word, “eggs,” Red’s eyes widened. He hopped off of Fluttershy and started fussing over the eggs that were on the ground. He crooned as he rearranged some of the twigs in the nest and made sure that the eggs were as comfortable as possible.

He shot a look at me and I said, “Don’t worry; I’ve been taking good care of them. Slim set them up in an incubator so they wouldn’t freeze, and he’s made sure that their nest is perfectly comfortable.”

Red nodded, satisfied, and he resumed tending to the nest. Rainbow Dash flew close to the eggs and asked, “Why is he so obsessed with these eggs?”

She reached out a hoof to touch one of them and I shouted, “Rainbow, NO!”

Too late. She tapped one of the eggs and it tipped over. Red gasped and started to tremble with rage. I backed away slowly and said, “Rainbow…whatever you do, do NOT make any sudden movements.”

Red’s eyes started to glow an ominous red and black clouds billowed around him. He looked PISSED. The bird tensed, ready to throw himself at R.D, when Fluttershy suddenly picked him up. Red blinked and looked around, his concentration lost and his anger forgotten. Fluttershy smiled gently and started whispering to the bird.

“Well I’ll be…” I said, scratching my head in wonder. “She calmed down Red! I haven’t been able to do that since, well, ever!”

“Fluttershy does have her way with critters,” Applejack said, nodding.

I don’t think there’s a word to describe how cute Fluttershy looked with Red. No, seriously. Even Shakespeare couldn’t describe how cute it was. You’d need to create an entirely new word to describe the cuteness. Fluttershy gently set the egg where it was supposed to go and Red cawed in delight. He did a little hopping dance around the egg and I smiled.

After a few more minutes of everypony fawning over Red, I spoke up and said, “Alright Red, I think it’s time for you to go home.”

The bird nodded, somewhat saddened, and I added, “But I think we’ll be seeing you again. Tell the others I said hi! And tell the Mighty Eagle ‘Caw-Cawcaw, Krackow!’”

Fluttershy giggled, earning a questioning look from the others.

“What did he say?” Rarity whispered to the animal loving Pegasus.

“It’s nothing, really girls,” She said, smiling. She winked at me and I grinned.

Placing my hand on the bird, I whispered words of magic and returned him to his home. I stood up, cracked my back, and said, “Alright, last but not least: Chaos!”

“Are quite certain that a section called ‘Chaos’ is safe for us to see?” Rarity asked nervously.

“Oh yeah, it’s perfectly harmless! Just make sure that you don’t touch anything.”

I glared at Pinkie Pie. She shrugged innocently and said, “What? I’m not gonna touch anything!”

I put two fingers to my eyes and then pointed at her.

She then put a hoof to her eye and then pointed at me, then pointed at the ground. She also pointed at her hair, and at a bunch of random places.

I sighed and led the ponies to the craziest place in The Vault.

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As we walked, Twilight sped up, walking next to me and she asked, “Omnius?”

“Yeah?”

“Yesterday you said that this place was somewhere you could learn to control yourself. What exactly did you mean by that?”

I remained silent, as I tried to think of an answer.

“Omnius, what aren’t you telling us?”

Thinking for a moment, I asked suddenly, “Twilight, have you ever lost control of your magic?”

She looked surprised at that for a moment, before she answered, “Once. It was when I was trying to get enrolled at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Why?”

I hung my head and said, “You’re probably the strongest unicorn, magically speaking, right?” Before she could answer, I continued, saying, “Then you know how dangerous it is to lose control of yourself. Everything you love gets hurt, and you aren’t able to do anything about it.”

Twilight gulped and nodded. “But what does this have to do with…Oh my gosh…Omnius…?”

“Yeah,” I said simply. “I lost control. A lot of people got hurt. I don’t wanna talk about it right now…it’s another story for another day. Right now, let’s just get on with the tour, eh?”

Forcing a smile onto my face, I led them to the Chaos section.

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“Welcome to the place where physics has no real hold over anything!” I said proudly, gesturing at all of the seemingly random pedestals that surrounded us. “Everything you see here can successfully bend the fabric of reality, allowing the user to do normally impossible things!”

Pinkie looked at a dull, green, wooden mask with a look of curiosity on her face. She reached out with one hoof and picked it up. Putting it over her face, she asked, “What’s this mask thingie?” She giggled and added, “It doesn’t look like it’s bad!”

My eyes widened in panic, and I yelled at the top of my lungs, “DON’T PUT THAT MASK ON! Oh Gods and Goddesses, TWILIGHT LOCK THE DOOR!”

The mask suddenly started to pull itself over Pinkie’s entire head, and she started spinning in a green and pink tornado, while the air crackled with electricity. Twilight stayed where she was, staring in awe at what was happening.

“Too late!” I shouted again, snapping her out of it.

“What’s happening?” Twilight screamed over the sound of the tornado.

As if those were the magic words, Pinkie Pie stopped spinning. Her entire head was a lime green color, and she had a magenta top coat on, with a purple and pink polka dotted tie. She wore a wide brimmed hat that matched her top coat and was accented by a huge peacock feather.

“Pinkie?” Fluttershy asked, fear evident in her voice.

“That’s not Pinkie,” I said, cracking my knuckles.

The Masked Pony grinned, her teeth larger than normal and said, “Ssssssssssssomepony STOP ME!”

“Mares, I give you: The Mask,” I said grimly, putting myself between The Mask and the door, wanting to stop her before she could get out.

The Mask grinned and went into tornado mode, spinning wildly, before she stopped right behind me, grabbed my underwear, and yelled, “WEDGIE!”

I was blinded by my own undergarment, and I had to fight the urge to cuss. Stumbling, I randomly reached out, grabbed The Mask by the coat, and felt myself get pulled along with her. My underwear snapped off of my head and returned to its normal…position, and I could suddenly see again.

“Kid! It’s good to see you!” The Mask said, stopping once she realized I was still hanging onto her. She screeched to a halt, making me fly forward from the momentum, and she grabbed me before I could slam into a wall.

“You too Mask,” I groaned, struggling to keep the contents of my stomach from flying out.

“But why the heck aren’t you wearing me? That was part of the dealio wasn’t it?” The Mask continued, scratching his/her head.

“Friend of mine wore you without asking. She’s almost as crazy as you are. If this keeps up, she’ll probably break the forever,” I gasped out, since The Mask was giving me a bone-crushing hug.

“Ooooooh. I guess I should probably get off of her then, hm?” The Mask said, contemplatively.

“That would be a good idea.” Holy crap, was I making The Mask see reason?

“Then again…” She reached into a pocket and pulled out an enormous hammer. Smiling crazily, she said, “We might have to hammer out a few details on that face of yours!”

I knew it was too good to be true.

Taking advantage of the Mask’s distraction, I grasped the back of Pinkie’s head and started tugging off The Mask.

“Hey, come on! I was only joking!” The Mask laughed, right before it peeled off of Pinkie, becoming an unassuming wooden mask again. The suit disappeared and I felt myself get dropped onto the floor.

I sighed in relief and looked at Pinkie. She sat there, her eyes spinning, and I asked her, “Hey? You okay there Pinkster?”

She shook her head and laughed. “I feel fine silly! That was really weird though, it was like I was on a super-duper-uber sugar rush, and I felt like pranking everypony, and dancing, and singing, and-”

“I know Pinkie,” I interrupted. “But I thought I told you not to touch anything!”

She winced and looked at the floor. “Sorry,” She mumbled.

I sighed and said, “It’s fine Pinkie. No one got hurt, minus an extreme atomic wedgie, and you didn’t make it outside. If that Mask got out there…You might have broken the forever.”

“What?”

“Nothing, just a joke me and some old friends used to make.” I picked myself up and winced as I moved my ribs.

Pinkie looked worried at this, and she asked, “Oh no, I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No, it’s just a couple of bruises,” I said, putting on a fake grin. Truth be told, it felt like a couple of ribs had cracked, but I didn’t want Pinkie to worry about it.

We walked back to the group, where they instantly assaulted me with questions.

“Are you alright?”

“What was that thing?”

“What was that thing wearing!?” Leave it to Rarity to ask about fashion.

I put the Mask back onto the pedestal and held up a hand for silence. Once they all quieted down, I simply said, “That was The Mask. He’s one of the good guys, but only I can wear him, since he’s a little too ‘Tex Avery’ for anyone else to handle. And by that, I mean he doesn’t give a fik about the laws of physics. If he got loose, bad things might have happened.”

I snapped my fingers and said, “That concludes today’s tour of The Vault. If you would please follow me to the exit.”

With that, I led them out of The Vault, stopping to pick up a few books for Twilight.

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As soon as we reached the house level, I shifted back into unicorn form and gasped as the stinging sensation hit my ribs. “Owwww…are you doing today?” I asked, trying to cover up the pain.

“Uh, Omnius? You feelin’ alright there pardner?” Applejack asked, noticing my pain.

“Oh, I’m peachy. Just a couple of bruised ribs, that’s all,” I said, walking to the door.

“Thanks for showing us your Vault,” Twilight said, looking at the books I had lent her with joy on her face.

“No prob. Heck, I’m glad I did. Now then, shall we go and get on with the day?” I asked, walking out of the house. “By the way, whatever happened with the ticket situation?”

“Oh, I forgot to tell you! Princess Celestia sent all of us tickets to go!” Twilight exclaimed, suddenly remembering. “She even gave you a ticket too!”

I lifted an eyebrow and said, “Really? Guess I’d better get a suit then. Don’t want to show up looking like a slob, now do I?”

We all laughed and I followed Twilight to the library, eager to start my magic training.

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Part Two: Cupcakes…

I was sitting on an overstuffed armchair, staring at the fire, unable to sleep. I sipped at my Mountain Dew and felt uneasy.

“Something ain’t right,” I murmured, feeling an unnatural chill seep into my bones. “I think we’ve hit a crossroads.”

Oops, forgot the confused viewers. Here, let me explain. A crossroads is what I call it when a certain event will take place, and because of that event, nearly endless universes are created from it. If you want a good example of that happening, just think of the butterfly effect. One small event can lead to literally countless others. So if you multiply that by about a kajillion, then you have a crossroads effect.

Butterfly effects and crossroads are something that I tend to pay attention to. Remember how I mentioned that I travel throughout all of Time, Space, and Matter and across all of the Realities for all of eternity and beyond? By all, I really do mean ALL.

Grinning wryly, I thought to myself, “I guess that’s why it’s not just my fate to Travel, it’s my doom to Travel as well…Damn, but how old am I now? I lost count a long time ago…”

I shook my head, and drained the rest of my drink. I looked around my house and marveled at how different it looked from when I first built it. There were now framed pictures of my friends sitting on the mantle of the fireplace, a huge threadbare couch that was set a couple of feet away from the wall, and a thick rug that covered the floor in front of the fireplace. Shelves that were filled with books and seemingly random knick-knacks occupied an entire wall, and in the kitchen, my refrigerator was covered with all sorts of crayon drawings. They weren’t what anyone would call ‘Masterpieces’, but they still deserved their own place of honor on my fridge. My table still had the remains of my dinner on it, and the surface of the counter was covered with random debris.

I shivered and reached over to a small side table that had my iPod and docking station on it. Hitting shuffle, I tried to relax as the opening to ‘Far Away,’ by Jose Gonzalez started pounding out of the speakers. I glanced at the digital display and winced when I saw the time.

“Geez, it’s late,” I mumbled, still not feeling tired. Finally deciding that sitting around wasn’t gonna help me relax, I got up, stretching as I did so. I walked to the door and grabbed an oversized blue cloak, tossing it over my shoulders as I went outside.

I gazed at the night sky and did a two-fingered salute at the moon. “Hey Luna,” I whispered, as I walked to Ponyville.

I wasn’t worried about anypony seeing me in my human form, since it was late enough that the vast majority of the town should have been asleep. If anypony did get a glimpse of me though, the cloak would help make sure that they couldn’t get a good enough look at me to see any details.

I flipped the hood over my head, casting my face into the shadows, and walked into Ponyville.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

Walking through the town, I couldn’t help but think of how beautiful the night was. I smiled, forgetting about the crossroads for a few moments and just let my feet carry me through the silent town.

“Peaceful, isn’t it?” I heard a voice say from behind me.

I tensed and whirled around, summoning my sword to my hand. I stopped though, once I realized it was just The Doctor, sitting on a park bench. Strangely enough though, he was sitting like, for lack of a better word, a human would, with his back propped up against the seat and his hind legs hanging over the side.

“Hey Doc,” I said, dismissing my blade and sitting next to him. “Why are you sitting like that?”

“I saw a unicorn sitting like this the other day and decided to try it out. It’s surprisingly comfortable.”

“Ah.” I stared up at the sky and commented, “The sky sure looks nice.”

“Yes,” The Doctor agreed. “Ever since the Princess resumed her duties, the skies have regained their once lost beauty.”

“Yeah.” We sat in silence for a moment longer, before The Doctor turned his head and looked at me curiously.

“Why are you up so late anyways? And why are you in your human form?” He asked, looking concerned.

“I’m in human form because the only things besides Luna that would be crazy enough to be up this late are you and me, and…well, there’s something funny goin’ on,” I confessed.

“What do you mean exactly?”

“Well, for starters, I can’t remember what when I’m in.  Did we just defeat Discord a little while ago? Or did I just beat the living daylights out of Gilda?” I shook my head and kept going. “Don’t answer me Doc. Something tells me that you can’t remember either. Whenever something like this happens, it means that something big is about to happen. Something that can determine a near endless field of realities for me to explore. That’s not what I’m worried about though.”

I wrapped the cloak around me, and The Doctor asked softly, “Then what are you worried about?”

I was silent for a few moments, before answering, “I’m worried about where this Reality will head. I need to make sure that nothing bad happens here, even though it might happen somewhere else and I’ll have to live it anyways.”

“Why? Why prolong what will undoubtedly occur?” The Doctor asked.

I got up and started walking away. “Because in the end, it’s trying that makes the difference.”

XHXHXHXHXHXHX

Since I wasn’t paying much attention to where I was walking, I was pretty surprised to find that I had nearly walked into an incredibly tall ladder that was currently underneath Rainbow Dash’s cloud house (Jealous!).

“What the…” I muttered to myself, as I looked up into the sky. My eyes widening, I quickly shuffled backwards a few steps when I saw a blob of pink at the top of the ladder. Knowing that it was Pinkie Pie, I fully expected her to slide down and do some random thing that would make me laugh my ass off.

What I didn’t expect, however, was the quiet sound of crying, easily heard in the silence of the night. Pinkie Pie slowly, almost reluctantly, climbed down the ladder, her hair oddly deflated in some areas with tears still streaming down her face. When she reached the bottom, she folded up the ladder into an impossibly small bundle, her hooves trembling as she folded. She gave a small hiccup and turned in the direction of the town.

“Pinkie Pie?” I called out, concerned.

She sniffed and turned to look at me. “Hey Omni…I didn’t-hic-see you there.”

“What are you doing up this late?” I asked, kneeling down next to her.

She looked at me and said in a quiet, fear filled voice, “Omni…I had a…a really bad dream.”

She then burst into tears and threw her forelegs around me in a tight hug. I gently returned the hug and whispered, “Hey, come on now. It’ll be alright. Come on, it’s late. Sugarcube corner is on the other side of town, so how about you come spend the rest of the night at my place? It’s closer anyhow.”

I felt her nod her head and I got up, gently carrying her with me. She silently sobbed into my cloak and together we went back to my house.

XHXHXHXHXHX

I set Pinkie down on the couch and fetched her a glass of water. She accepted it gratefully, shakily gulping it down.

When the glass was empty, I asked her, “Feel any better?”

“A little…” She sniffed again, and I handed her a tissue. This scared me. I mean, what was so terrifying, so traumatizing, that it had caused Pinkie to go into hysterics?

After Pinkie finished blowing her nose, I sat down next to her on the couch and quietly asked, “Do you want to tell me about that dream you had now?”

Hesitating, she answered, “I…I don’t know. It was just so scary, and I-I-”

Her eyes dilated and her chest started rising and falling rapidly, as she began hyperventilating. I grabbed her shoulder and said, “Pinkie! It’s okay, you don’t have to worry. I’m here for you.”

This seemed to calm her down a little, and I quickly said, “Pinkie, there are two ways I can help you with this. You can either tell me about your dream, or…”

My hesitation made her look at me, and the fact that her eyes lacked the usual carefree innocence that always sparkled in them made me continue, regardless of what fears held me back. “You can let me relive it with you.”

“You can do that?” She asked, tears still cascading down her cheeks.

“Sure. The difference between the two is that you won’t have to tell me anything about your dream and will only relive the memory of it. I’ll be able to get a first-hand account of what happened and be able to know how I can help out,” I explained, keeping my voice quiet.

“B-but…” She turned away and shut her eyes, the fresh horror of her nightmare still in her mind.

“Pinkie.” I cupped her cheek with my right hand and whispered softly, “Look at me.”

She did so and we both stared into each other’s eyes. I dropped some of the mental shields I always kept in place to hide myself and allowed her to get a small sense of my being. I don’t know whether it’s a magic ability or just something that my heart tells me, but I’ve been able to look into a person’s eyes and glimpse their…I don’t know what to call it. I guess the closest thing to compare it to would be Dresden’s Soulgaze, but it’s not exactly that… I guess that I’m just seeing what the other is really feeling and part of why they feel that way.

The tears finally stopped flowing, and she nodded, saying in a voice that was quieter than Fluttershy’s, “Okay…But please don’t hate me when you see it.”

I smiled and said, “Pinkie, you’re one of my best friends. If you can forgive me for some of the shit I’ve done, than I can definitely look past a nightmare you had.”

I whispered words of magic and experienced for myself firsthand, the nightmare that would shape the fate of over a thousand Equestrias…

I was floating.

Not really that strange, seeing as how this was how I’d experienced other dreams that my friends had had.

Currently, I was floating above the doorway of Sugarcube Corner, where Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were talking about something. Pinkie then handed R.D. a cupcake, which she promptly bit into and then passed out, the world fading to darkness as she did.

I waited silently, wondering what the hell was going on.

When light returned, I tensed. Rainbow Dash was strapped to a table, her wings fluttering wildly as she tried to free herself. Pinkie Pie showed up then, expertly twirling a knife in her hooves. The two ponies talked for a minute, one with fear and desperation in her voice, the other with a manic grin on her face.

For fear of my stomach releasing its previously devoured contents, I won’t repeat what was said…only that it was terrifying.

And it got a lot worse when more lights came on, revealing the room to be a testament to the insanity of…of…

Gods and Goddesses of Good protect us.

The walls were sadistically decorated with the remains of pony corpses, each horribly mutilated and transformed into disgusting party decorations.

“Pinkie…” I said, fearfully. I reached a hand out to grab her, only to have my hand sink harmlessly through her shoulder.

“Right, this is a dream. Can’t do shit in here,” I said, floating back up.

With horror, I watched as Pinkie Pie took the knife and started carving strips of meat off of the still living Pegasus.

I screamed and forced myself to watch the rest of the dream, forcibly reminding myself that I had seen worse before.

I just couldn’t remember when I had.

“Isn’t this delightful?” Torrentican said from beside me.

I whirled around and shouted, “You!”

“Yes?” he asked.

“You did this? You showed Pinkie this-this abomination?!”

“I merely allowed her to see what is to come, what might happen, and what has already occurred,” Torrentican said, smiling evilly.

I felt my fists clench and barely controlling my anger, snarled, “Why?”

He shrugged and said, “I thought it would be funny. She is the Element of Laughter after all. Although it would have been so much easier for me if she could see me…alas, I cannot show myself to her in her dreams.”

“Ain’t that a shame?” I said sarcastically.

“Well what can you do about it?” Torrentican sneered. “You can’t do anything in this dream, so why should I worry about you?”

I felt my body grow cooler as I held out a massive revolver with a sandalwood grip. My outer shirt turned into a long leather duster and a worn cowboy hat appeared on my head. Torrentican’s eyes widened, as I said in an icy tone, “Because you have forgotten the face of your father.”

“But how can you access that power here!?” He asked, his face betraying the surprise he felt.

“You forget that I’m the Traveling Guardian…and that on this world, the night, and all that she stands for, is on my side. In other words, you forgot about Princess Luna.”

I felt a smug feeling in the back of my head. “Thanks,” I thought at her.

Torrentican took a trembling step backwards. I aimed the massive revolver at his face and started to say in a cold, dispassionate voice, “I do not aim with my hand; He who aims with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.

“I aim with my eye.”

I thumbed back the hammer.

“I do not shoot with my hand; He who shoots with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.

“I shoot with my mind.”

Torrentican shook his head and looked at me, his face a cool mask of neutrality.

“Very well Omnius. You win this round. But what’s to stop me from returning to torture them in their daily lives? What’s to stop me from returning and making their lives a living hell?” He asked.

Ignoring him, I continued chanting. “I do not kill with my gun; He who kills with his gun has forgotten the face of his father.”

I pulled the trigger and roared over the thunder of the revolver, “I kill with my heart!”

As soon as the bullet connected with his forehead, Torrentican disappeared in a cloud of mist, and the rest of the world became a swirl of black fog.

XHXHXHXHXHXHX

My eyes opened and I saw that Pinkie was standing over me, an extremely worried look on her face. I sat up and asked, “How long was I out?”

“Only for a second,” Pinkie said, her hair returning to its poofy style. “Omni, what happened?”

I smiled and rubbed her head fondly. “I made the bad dream go away.”

“But I still remember it! And you-you saw it! How can you not hate me?” She asked, sobbing all over again. “I’m a monster!”

I wrapped my arms around her and said, “You aren’t a monster. You’re Pinkie Pie, the world’s greatest partier, and the Element of Laughter. You are my friend and the friend of some of the greatest creatures I’ve ever met. You always try to be nice to others, and you don’t care what others think because you’re happy with the way you are. Everyone I’ve met wishes they could be like you…I wish I could be like that too.”

She kept sobbing and I held her silently, letting her get it all out. When she finally stopped, I decided it was time I told her about something that I had never told anyone.

“Would it make you feel better if I told you about the first time I died?”

She stopped crying for a moment and said in a confused voice, “But I thought you couldn’t die?”

I nodded and said, “You’re right. But it’s a lot easier to say than, ‘Get-butt-kicked-so-hard-that-I-have-to-return-to-a-home-world-and-heal.’”

She giggled weakly at that, and she nodded. “I guess it kind of would.”

“Good.” I picked her up and set her on the couch. “It happened a long time ago, on a world called Sera. At the time, there was a war going on between two sides: Humans and Locust. The Locust were these monsters that lived underneath the surface of the planet and had suddenly come out and attacked the humans, wanting nothing less than total genocide.”

Pinkie remained silent and I continued. “Well, it was my first month on that planet. Me and the squad of humans, Delta Squad, had just been ambushed by an entire horde of Locusts, and we were very outnumbered. I knew that all of us had no chance of surviving an attack like that, so I convinced the others to leave while I held them off, giving them a chance to get away.”

My throat tightened and I had to swallow a few times before I could continue. “I covered their escape with a mounted weapon called a Troika, which is capable of taking out dozens of enemies before overheating. Once it did though…”

XHXHXHXHXHX

“Shit,” I panted, jumping behind a sandbag wall. I glanced over it and winced when I saw the beast-like Locust horde roaring at me.

“Looks like…I’m not gonna make this one.” I tightened my grip on my Lancer assault rifle and grinned to myself. “Looks like it’s as good a time as any to see if I really can’t die or not!”

I stood up and fired wildly into the crowd, yelling as I did so. The first row of Locust fell, but the return fire from the remaining Locust tore into me, riddling me with bullet holes. Gasping in pain, I dropped the now empty gun and reached uselessly for the pistol at my side.

A drone laughed derisively, and I heard the distinct revving of a chainsaw. I closed my eyes and felt the sharp bite of the razor sharp teeth tear into my neck…

…and, gasping, woke up in a bed. My heart was racing, and I looked around, uncertain of what had just happened. Spying a window nearby, I stumbled over to it, barely noticing that I was wearing my normal clothes again, instead of the ruined power-armor I had on before.

I gazed outside and my breathing slowed.

“Hollow Bastion,” I said, laughing. “I’m in freaking Hollow Bastion.”

The city was still in shambles, but the inhabitants were currently repairing their home, attempting to make it even better than before. I saw Yuffie run by and I waved at her. She waved back, obviously surprised, but she kept going.

I rolled up my pants leg and gently probed the skin with my fingers. No signs of damage anywhere, minus a few itching sensations, and I let out a sigh of relief.

“I really can’t die!” I said. My heart dropped however, once I realized what I had left behind. “I gotta get back there! And fast! I need to make sure they’re all alive!” I grabbed my backpack and ran through the barriers that separated and joined the Realities, plunging into another world.

XHXHXHXHXHX

“And that’s another story for another day,” I finished, leaning back against the couch.

Pinkie’s eyes were wide, as she said, “And you haven’t told anypony about this?”

I shook my head.

“Why did you tell me?”

I thought for a moment and then said, “Because I could. You showed me that nightmare, so I figured the least I could do was show you something that scared the crap out of me.”

Pinkie yawned and I grinned. “Tired?”

She nodded and I picked her up and carried her into my guest room. Setting her gently on the bed, I tucked her inside of the covers and kissed her forehead.

“Sleep tight Pinkster,” I whispered, getting up to leave.

“…Seanie?”

I really hate that name. Seriously, the fastest way to get on my nerves is for someone to call me that. For some reason though, I didn’t mind it when Pinkie called me that. I guess it was because it was hard to get mad at her.

“Yeah?”

She mumbled something, and I asked her, “What was that?”

“…Will you stay in here? And sing me a lullaby?” She mumbled.

I smiled and sat on the edge of the bed. “Anything for my friends.”

She smiled softly and closed her eyes.

I started humming softly and sang in a low, quiet voice, the song that I would always listen to whenever I was scared or sad…A song that could only be properly expressed with a ukulele.

“Somewhere, over the rainbow…Way up high...” I sang softly, “And the, dreams that you dream of, once in a lullaby.” I guess that I figured the song was perfect for her. It was soft, calming, and it had Rainbows in it. Seeing as how Pinkie needed a song that was reassuring, it seemed that there was no other song that could work. I’d have to remember to teach it to Fluttershy later.

I sang the entire song, and when the sun rose, I was still sitting on the bed, wide awake and watching over my friend’s dreams.

Right before the moon disappeared, I looked out the window and whispered, “Thank you Princess Luna. I’ll make sure Torrentican can’t touch their dreams again.”

The Moon blinked in response and sank beneath the horizon.

XHXHXHXHXHX

I heard a frantic knocking at my door, and I got up to answer it, Pinkie still sleeping peacefully in the guest room. I shifted into Earth pony form and opened the door to see a frantic looking Mr. and Mrs. Cake.

“Morning,” I said cheerfully, barely suppressing a yawn.

“Omnius, have you seen Pinkie Pie anywhere? We woke up this morning and she was gone!” Mr. Cake said, looking behind me as if I was hiding her.

“No worries,” I said, backing up. “Pinkie just had a really bad dream and long story short, I helped her out with it. She’s asleep in the guest room if you wanna go wake her up.”

Mrs. Cake hurried in, and Mr. Cake had a relieved smile on his face. “Thanks Omnius. I don’t know what we’d do without her. She’s like a daughter to us.”

“Hey, no prob. I was glad to help her out. But a word of advice: Don’t mention cupcakes to her at all, and see if you can get Rainbow Dash to swing by later, it’ll help.”

He blinked but nodded.

I grinned and then threw myself onto the couch. “If anypony needs me, I’ll be passed out on…my…couch…”

I fell asleep, realizing that I had just gotten through the crossroads and gotten this world passed it. It seemed like things were only going to get better and the thought made me happy, but it also gave me a sense of foreboding.

“Great…Now I just have to look forward to the day I get to go to the world where that nightmare takes place…lovely.”

Next Chapter: Who Ya Gonna Call? Estimated time remaining: 7 Hours, 36 Minutes