Princess Celestia was having a fine morning indeed.

The sun was raised as always, and she pulled it off without a hitch. A thousand years of practice helped.

Breakfast was served without trouble, which was a rarity; there was almost always some quarrel or another between the two head chefs as to how ‘real’ breakfast should be served, but it was a frivolous argument that she preferred to avoid. Freshly made toast and jam with just a bit of sweetened honey, hot strips of hay bacon, and Celestia’s favorite – the coffee.

Since nearly seven hundred years ago, Princess Celestia found that ordinary coffee no longer served to awaken her. She had to drink seventeen full pots of the strongest coffee available in Canterlot, and all she accomplished was spending the entirety of her day in the little princess’ room.

It was a dark day, indeed.

But after a terrible decade dubbed ‘The Dark Ages’, a fine spell caster from southern Zebrica brought back the secrets of decent coffee. Starswirl the Bearded vanished not long after, but Princess Celestia never forgot his contribution, as evidenced by the fact that she took a small pause in his honor before each cup.

Either that or she was blowing off the steam so as not to burn her lip again.

Princess Celestia had burned her lip on hot Zebrican coffee once.

It was a dark day.

A dark day, indeed.

She took a deep breath of her brew, letting the scent seep in. The perfect blend of-

“… What smells like siege weaponry?”

Princess Celestia was smack dab in the middle of enjoying her cup of morning coffee when she was rudely interrupted.

By a boulder.

Through her window.

The crash sent shards of glass blasting about the room. A single piece fell into her cup with a plink!

Princess Celestia stared at her ruined coffee for a long moment. She stared at it good and hard. Then she took a deep breath through her nostrils, braced herself, and ever so deliberately glanced at the note sticky taped to the boulder. The hastily written message went as follows.

Dear PRINCESS –ruler – Celestia

GIVE US THE – object – CROWN OR YOUR ENTIRE – residence – KINGDOM IS FORFEIT

YOU HAVE – time limit – ONE HOUR TO COMPLY

Thanks a bunch,

Fluttershy’s Army

“… Huh.”

“Princess!” a royal guard burst through her chamber doors, sweaty and out of breath. “We are under att-”

The pegasus was swiftly interrupted by a levitating glass shard that went splintering into the wall next to his head, narrowly missing him by a hair’s breadth. The color instantly drained out of his face, his legs wobbling. Princess Celestia didn’t even blink, still holding her ruined cup of coffee with the large shard sticking out of it.

“P-p-princess?”

“You didn’t knock,” Celestia said chipperly, dumping out her ruined reason to live. “Would you care to try again?”

The guard ever so slowly backed away, fearfully closing the door without ever dropping his gaze.

After a few moments, a feeble couple of knocks came.

“Who is it?” Celestia asked in a singsong tune.

The door was instantly thrown open again, slamming against the wall.

“We’re under attack!” the guard bellowed in fear, the sound of another explosion coming from within the castle.

Celestia sighed heavily, drawing herself away from her seat.

“Let me guess,” she stated dully as she tramped quickly down the hall to the throne room. “An army led by Fluttershy?”

“No! It’s an army led by Fl- I mean, yes! How did you know?”

“A little boulder told me,” she deadpanned.

Outside the castle was a roaring caucus waving banners and signs of protest labeled ‘Chosen 1’ and ‘We Are The 20%’. Celestia took one look at the enormous throng of griffons before glancing back at the nervous guard.

“Where is everypony else?” she frowned.

“You mean the royal guard?” he gulped. “Well, they’re sort of, er… gone, you see.”

“They killed them all?” Celestia balked.

“What?” the guard blinked. “No, not at all. They saw the oncoming army and all took simultaneous vacations.”

Celestia then turned her fiery stare to him.

“… My entire royal guard just up and quit on the spot.”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“… Why?”

“Well,” the guard tapped his hooves awkwardly. “They were asked very nicely.”

Celestia face-hoofed, kicking the door open and stomping outside to greet the shouting throng.

“What’s all this, then?” Celestia bellowed, silencing the crowd.

It was painfully quiet for a minute before any of them moved. A couple of leaf waving griffons came forward first, followed by an entire team of them carrying what appeared to be nothing more than an ordinary armchair. Of course, the fact that Fluttershy was sitting meekly atop it made it all the more confusing.

“Um… we’re here to spread the word of kindness, I guess,” Fluttershy looked uneasily around at the mob of feathers and beaks.

“… What.”

“Yeah, that was my first reaction too,” Fluttershy admitted awkwardly, rubbing the back of her head with one hoof. “So, anyway, we’re kind of here to take over. Er… sorry…?”

“Take over?” Celestia scoffed, flaring her wings and hitting the only royal guard that she had left square in the face, knocking him off the steps. “You and what army?”

Somewhere, a cricket chirped.

“Right, aside from them, what else could you possibly have?” the princess frowned.

“… We’ve also got these rather large ballistae,” one of the griffins chimed in, pointing at the siege weaponry.

“Okay so,” Celestia rolled her eyes as the battered guard attempted to clamber back up the steps. “Aside from an army and a couple of giant crossbows, what else have you got?”

“We have the Avatar of Kindness,” a yellow cassock wearing griffin proudly thumped his chest. “Clearly no match for whatever you can throw at us!”

Fluttershy seemed to snap back to attention.

“I’m sorry, what?” she blinked. “Oh, um, no, I don’t think I could fight Princess Celestia-”

“Fight?” Lord Niceington guffawed. “As if we would ever allow the Avatar of Kindness to fall to such debauchery!”

Fluttershy sighed in relief.

“No, we’d just launch you from one of the giant crossbows.”

“I thought it was a ballista?”

“OKAY!” Celestia stamped one hoof against the ground, drawing their attention. “Aside from an army of griffins, giant crossbows, and projectile ponies, what else have you possibly got?”

It was silent amongst the crowd.

For a few seconds.

“We’ve also got healthcare!” one of them chimed in.

“You’ve got healthcare?” the battered guard standing beside Princess Celestia inquired eagerly.

“Yeah, and dental!” another one chimed in.

“I don’t even have dental,” the guard kicked weakly at the ground, earning a furious look from Celestia.

“Don’t even think about it,” she hissed before turning her attention back to Fluttershy’s army. “Right! So, aside from an army of griffins, giant crossbows, projectile ponies and healthcare, what else have you got?”

“… You’re a bit thick, you know that?” Lord Niceington gaped at Celestia with an open beak.

Princess Celestia stared back.

“Do you mean to call me stupid or fat?” she frowned.

“Both, ideally.”

And then the sun went down.

It was a dark day, indeed.