Chapter 5 Alt Title: Just Because I Normally Write in First Person, Doesn't Mean I Can't Write in Third Person (Or At Least Try To)

Umbra could really only stare in shock at the mare in front of him. Said mare was pretty by Equestrian standards; elegant, graceful, full eyelashes, beautiful blue eyes, the works. Imagine her for yourselves, dear readers, because I, the mighty narrator, do not dare try to imagine what you think is beautiful in a small, technicolored, magical horse pony.

The surroundings at this point are, unfortunately, also going to need description. Let's see... an alleyway... dirty, of course, this is Manehattan. All Manhattan variants have dirty alleyways in some spots... for a given value of dirty, that is. Darkened, nopony else in sight... it's midnight, what do you expect? Due to the inability for the author to activate his 'Fanciful, Snobby Prose' centers, you'll have to imagine... the set up for basically every dirty deal made in New York in every work of fiction with a New York. And yes, I do mean that type of 'dirty'... pervs.

Now, why exactly was Umbra staring? Well, said mare was anthropomorphic, stark naked, covered in... fluids, and also, very, very, very dead. The alleyway was soaked in her blood, in fact. Looked like she'd been raped and mutilated, hopefully in that order... the author now realizes that perhaps he shouldn't have included that line, but oh well. He'll just have to update the story tags, then. Now, where were we? Ah, yes, the crime scene. Well. Unless you want this story to merit a Mature rating, I'll hold off on the gory details for now. Suffice to say, it wasn't pretty. Oh, and the culprit was standing at the other side of the alley, right near the end of the alley, which, as everyone knows, will not hinder anyone at all should they require a quick escape. Said assailant/ murderer/ rapist was another pony, also an anthro. Let me, the narrator, explain: if you haven't already figured this out, this entire chapter takes place in Anthro!questria. Now, the culprit was pitch black in fur color, mane color, and in clothes... looking unfortunately a bit like Umbra, actually, given that he was currently in his human form. Not human shape, but human form. There's a difference, I'll explain it later. Hmm, it appears that the author just realized that the chapter isn't entirely in third person after all... it's in my first person omniscient... also we're on a tangent, let's get back on track, shall we dear reader?

"Who the hell're you!? Some kinda copycat!?" The asshole, let's see... it says here, in the script, that is, that his name is... Night Racer!? What the fuck? Ugh... cheap OC names... I don't even want to say them.

"No, what I am is none of your business. What is my business is the fact that you... well, you fucked up, mate."

"And just what're you gonna do about it, ya hairless freak?" Wow... this Night Racer guy is a real idiot.

"I'm going to make sure you never see the light of day ever again, you asshole."

"Ha! Try and catch me!"

And with that, he left the scene, parkour-ing out of the alleyway so fast that even Altair would be proud. Hell, even Umbra was impressed for a second.

'I'm still gonna kill'im, but damn the guy knows how to parkour'

And then sirens, really loud ones. And hoofsteps racing towards the alleyway. And lots of police-ponies rushing into the alleyway.

"Oh shit! Uh... this isn't what it looks like, I swear!"

"Yeah yeah, tell it to the judge, freak"

And then Umbra got pissed.

"What did you say!?"

"I called you a freak, freak."

Let it be known that the NYPD... or whoever has jurisdiction over the Manhattan area... don't look at me like that, I've never even been to New York, okay!? Well, the author hasn't... excuse our ignorance. Ahem. Back on track. Let it be known that the NYPD in most fiction... and quite a bit of real life... as far as I know... is not particularly known for its member's tact or self-preservation instinct.

"Call me freak one. More. Time."

The threat was incredibly evident in Umbra's voice, but apparently none of the officers noticed, given that one had the cahones to walk up to Umbra and whisper into his ear.

"Fre–"

WHOOSH CRUNCH

The guy disappeared. In a whirling vortex of shadows resembling an angry black hole. Just... just imagine it. The other officers on scene were understandably quite shocked at the display they had just witnessed and also understandably freaked the fuck out.

"Shit! Get him! Call for back up!"

The officers scrambled like the fearful residents of Ponyville that three of them actually were, and proceeded to, as a group, simultaneously fire on a pissed off Umbra, radio for PONYSWAT, and run around like Speedy Gonzales on crack. This proceeded to do nothing effective, until PONYSWAT showed up, at least.

Oh yeah, the setting is in modern-ish Equestria... so there's magical laser guns now. Umbra picked a really weird place to vacation in.

And then PONYSWAT showed up in a freaking assault helicopter, which is like a regular helicopter with lots of guns. Not as well armed as a Royal Guard Chopper, though. No missiles, this is urban territory we're talking about here.

"Ah shit... why did I do that?... Fuck."

'Brain, I need Ideas! And quick!'

*Run like a bitch?*

^Give yourself up?^

[How about a disguise?]

'Uhh... run and diguise it is!'

"Gentlemen!"

The combined forces of the Manehattan PD and SWAT teams paused and stared, confused at the sudden announcement by a criminal.

"Today is the day that you will always remember as the day that you almost captured Umbra Shadow-Walker!"

WHOOSH

Huh, he really did make that reference.

Somewhere in Canterlot

"Whew... that was really close... thank gods I got away..."

Umbra breathed a sigh of relief; that escape had been quite taxing on his reserves, mostly due to the fact that he barely had anything because of his activated Restriction Seal.

"I'm sorry, but you seem to have not made it at all."

'OHSHIT'

Oh shit indeed. Umbra had, unfortunately, found himself crawling out of the shadows in Princess Luna's chambers, technically a capital offense without their specific invitation.

"Ah...um... this is a horrible misunderstanding?" Umbra has now found that he is only good at negotiations when he is clearly the most powerful one in the room. So far, he is probably the weakest one in the room, not even able to teleport.

"Try again, cretin. We hath seen the news; we know what thou hast done. Surrender, and your stay in the castle dungeons shall be more pleasant than it would if you resist." Do you see her face? Princess Luna is not amused. Not. One. Bit.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFine. I surrender." Umbra put his hands up in the classic 'surrender' position, allowing Luna to lead him down to the dungeons and into a cell. The cell itself was actually fairly nice; clean, well lit, decent bed roll, a sink, a toilet, and even a few coat hooks. Quite posh for a dungeon cell. Oh, there was also a barred window facing a very steep drop off the side of the mountain as well. Terrifying for anyone that couldn't fly, like a bound pegasus... or a unicorn... or an earth pony... or Umbra without his cloak.

Thankfully, he was allowed to keep his cloak.

"Look, this is a big misunderstanding... except for the whole 'swallow a cop into a giant vortex' thing. That guy was an asshole. But the rest of it wasn't me!"

Hmm? It appears as though I forgot to narrate Umbra grabbing the bars on his cell and pleading with Luna... and Celestia, who had appeared out of nowhere for some reason.

"C'mon! I can bring the cop back!"

"What? We thought he was dead! How canst thou return a soul from death?"

"He's still alive... I just need to find him... hold on a minute."

Digging through his expansive tertiary subspace pocket, Umbra quickly located the asshole cop wedged between a blue whale and a MechaGodzilla, the third one, if his inventory was correct. All in stasis, of course, don't want to spoil anything that has a time limit... like food.

"Found 'im!"

Dragging out the disgruntled officer, Umbra placed him down outside the cell proper before turning to the Princesses once more.

"There you go! Now can I get out of this cell?"

"No. Evidence also points to you raping and murdering one of my little ponies. Until proven otherwise, you will remain here with your magic bound."

"Fuck."

TO BE CONTINUED?

End Chapter 5

Author's Notes:

I needed to practice writing in third person. I should also practice dialogue, so expect one of these chapters to end up being mostly dialogue.